Wow, that's actually a pretty succinct good answer. So, the main problem I have with this then is actually that you do need gay friends first. And I wouldn't consider a bunch of gay friends to be easy access. But if you already have them, I could totally see it. In my current situation where I only really deal with gay people if I take an interest in them (romantically/sexually), I didn't even think of that sitch. But, yeah like if I were one of the LOOKING friends hanging out in Frisco, brainlessly jerking each other off or smth once in a while sounds like an idea that would definitely come to mind, silly as it might be.
What the hell are fuckbuddies then? If it's basically a casual sex subscription, this sounds enormously dangerous with regards to having or developing feelings towards them, since you probably started to fuck because of mutual interest in each other and kept doing it because the interest never faded.
Well, sounds dangerous to someone like me anyway...
Only, here I am, having pseudo-feelings with someone I've never met just by fucking texting alone. You can text with a friend as well. But this tells me there are so many shades of being in love that I don't see any option where every single shade could never arise to become a problem. Also, I think it's ludicrous to speak of 'problems' at all when it comes to feelings. Damn I mean what has become of human love life? Again, I understand casual sex where you're probably often drunk enough to not even remember the face afterwards but when did all this become so damn complicated anyways? And where's the merit?
You're assuming a little bit Gary, sometimes you just... Don't develop anything. Gotta live it to get it I guess. I'm in your same boat of developing feelings thrugh text with someone far away, so you know you're as normal as anyone (or as I can be haha)
Yup, the shadow realm lol. Well it's time to come out of the shadows. Let's do this together! Let's see who can get a bf first. A competition, shall we?
I'm trying to do other stuff first in order to feel more comfortable with myself and start getting into the dating scene. So much to do ;__; BTW, I'm surprised that you haven't done anything, considering you are cute and you seem to be nice, going by your posts.
Delio, I saw earlier that you're in your 30s? If so, wow... you look a lot younger, like you're in your 20s. Must be because of that beautiful smile of yours :3
All of you who have had many bf's and "friends with benefits"... what's the secret? Share your mighty knowledge and experience! I can't even sustain a conversation with someone for more than 30 seconds... lol. I feel like I'm late and too old now to begin dating and with no experience at all, the situation looks bleak. :-
I've not had many boyfriends, but I have had a few friends with benefits (not really) and a few one night stands though, and there really isn't any secret other than be confident (or fake it) and actually listen to what is being said in my opinion. I can't read body gestures or social cues at all, and just judging the sort of things being said and what's being asked seems to work out pretty well most times (I'm hopeless with determining if somebody's interested in me if they're too hesitant to make their level of interest clear though; I too am also generally too hesitant so it doesn't work well if we're both shy). the primary places I've met guys, or how, have been:
Secondary school - there weren't a large amount of openly gay individuals. those of us who were out were horny teenagers with little outlet. My school was quite large at 1,200 students in total (roughly) but even still you knew most people in your year and tended to be friends with quite a few, so those of us who were gay, and friends, and 'experimenting' tended to happen.
University LGBTQ+ Society - Again, this isn't really helpful when you're past this stage already, but for those of us who were born outside of the capital city (or, in particular, those from rural backgrounds) this was really the largest group of LGBT individuals that we had encountered, so most people were quite awkward in their socialising initially (unsure of what to really say I suppose). By making friends with other LGBT individuals, you tend to meet more LGBT individuals, and thus make more LGBT friends, which increases you're potential dating/friends with benefit pool (in addition, a substantial amount of people in my university's society are more than willing to freely discuss sex, and when somebody you're getting along well with comments that they're okay with casual things or an open relationship so long as boundaries are made clear, it can be a potential partner).
Gay Bars/Nightclubs - Kind of obvious as to why (this has been where hook-ups have been from, and it's always been with students from other university's in the city admittedly). I'm really terrible at making conversation. I tend to comment something general about the atmosphere in the location, something they're wearing, any tattoos they may have, or a really cheesy pick-up line that's so bad they'll at least laugh. Generally I stick with the group I go to the nightclub with so I rarely meet people as I'm typically way too drunk (as I'm very much a lightweight) and thus stick to dancing terribly with friends (which I admittedly hate, but my friends like dancing and it's better to do it begrudgingly and have a good time with my friends than sit at a table alone and wallow I feel).
Gay interest groups - I've not actually gone to any myself, but one of my friends is just finishing his degree this summer and one day asked me "how do I actually make gay friends after college?" which I'd never thought about until then, and kind of seemed like a daunting process. After researching, gay interest groups seemed like the answer to his question. While generally I'd imagine there's a rather stable group of continuous attenders in most, even so, it's an opportunity to make friends with more LGBT individuals, and from there you can make friends with their LGBT friends (and so on) to further present more opportunities.
EDIt: Handling the emotional aspect and being able to compartmentalise (or otherwise viewing sex as something rather insignificant to avoid developing feelings for them) is a completely different side of it though.
This sucks so much. I visited Nürburgring (the best racing track in the world and open to the public) two years ago in a rental car I technically wasn't allowed to drive and I was too young for the rentals offered there (Rent4Ring)
Driving in Germany was awesome though. Love dem Autobahns.
Coincidentally, there's an ad for Gay Nightlife on the NeoGAF banners for me right now. Google has figured me out (they always have my age wrong though, often at 30+ in the age brackets).
They can be scary good at building an image of you, but it has mine too high as well. Doing all of the research in incognito though means it keeps sending me women around the world that I'm supposed to like.
How old are you BTW? I dunno if you've mentioned, but if I had to guess I'd say 23.
The break has been nice. Only having to worry about work gives me time to play games. Hopefully I can finish Kingdom Hearts so I can finally play Hyrule Warriors (which has been sitting here unopened for months) before I have to go back.
I hate when this happens. I'm a bit off topic and not specifically talking about dating or flirting, but I hate ending up carrying a conversation and having to keep wondering if they're just being polite.
I guess it kinda gives a good glimpse into my dating life T_T
My sex drive isn't very high though.
YASS. I'm hyped for seeing him in True Detective season two. Have you watched Alexander or A Home At The End of The World? They're good movies AND contain Colin Farrell gay scenes.
Bruges is also a beautiful city, if you're ever in Belgium I would recommend visiting.
The break has been nice. Only having to worry about work gives me time to play games. Hopefully I can finish Kingdom Hearts so I can finally play Hyrule Warriors (which has been sitting here unopened for months) before I have to go back.
Hyrule Warriors is taking forever to 100%. I'm amazed at the collectathon that they've managed to tuck into this game. Badges, skulltullae, goals, grades.. I've worked a total of 4 days in the past two weeks, and have spend huge chunks of each day playing, and I'm still maaaaybe 50% through.
..
And although I have a light schedule tomorrow of mainly college athletes, I'm still not looking forward to it. Poop.
Hyrule Warriors is taking forever to 100%. I'm amazed at the collectathon that they've managed to tuck into this game. Badges, skulltullae, goals, grades.. I've worked a total of 4 days in the past two weeks, and have spend huge chunks of each day playing, and I'm still maaaaybe 50% through.
..
And although I have a light schedule tomorrow of mainly college athletes, I'm still not looking forward to it. Poop.
I'm trying to do other stuff first in order to feel more comfortable with myself and start getting into the dating scene. So much to do ;__; BTW, I'm surprised that you haven't done anything, considering you are cute and you seem to be nice, going by your posts.
Yeah me too, I need to do a lot of things to feel more comfortable with myself. I've lost some weight and it definitely helped boost my confidence. But there's so many things I'm still not comfortable with.
I'm 19 (since December) though so it's not exactly a large age differene.
I've not had many boyfriends, but I have had a few friends with benefits (not really) and a few one night stands though, and there really isn't any secret other than be confident (or fake it) and actually listen to what is being said in my opinion. I can't read body gestures or social cues at all, and just judging the sort of things being said and what's being asked seems to work out pretty well most times (I'm hopeless with determining if somebody's interested in me if they're too hesitant to make their level of interest clear though; I too am also generally too hesitant so it doesn't work well if we're both shy). the primary places I've met guys, or how, have been:
Secondary school - there weren't a large amount of openly gay individuals. those of us who were out were horny teenagers with little outlet. My school was quite large at 1,200 students in total (roughly) but even still you knew most people in your year and tended to be friends with quite a few, so those of us who were gay, and friends, and 'experimenting' tended to happen.
University LGBtQ+ Society - Again, this isn't really helpful when you're past this stage already, but for those of us who were born outside of the capital city (or, in particular, those from rural backgrounds) this was really the largest group of LGBt individuals that we had encountered, so most people were quite awkward in their socialising initially (unsure of what to really say I suppose). By making friends with other LGBt individuals, you tend to meet more LGBt individuals, and thus make more LGBt friends, which increases you're potential dating/friends with benefit pool (in addition, a substantial amount of people in my university's society are more than willing to freely discuss sex, and when somebody you're getting along well with comments that they're okay with casual things or an open relationship so long as boundaries are made clear, it can be a potential partner).
Gay Bars/Nightclubs - Kind of obvious as to why (this has been where hook-ups have been from, and it's always been with students from other university's in the city admittedly). I'm really terrible at making conversation. I tend to comment something general about the atmosphere in the location, something they're wearing, any tattoos they may have, or a really cheesy pick-up line that's so bad they'll at least laugh. Generally I stick with the group I go to the nightclub with so I rarely meet people as I'm typically way too drunk (as I'm very much a lightweight) and thus stick to dancing terribly with friends (which I admittedly hate, but my friends like dancing and it's better to do it begrudgingly and have a good time with my friends than sit at a table alone and wallow I feel).
Gay interest groups - I've not actually gone to any myself, but one of my friends is just finishing his degree this summer and one day asked me "how do I actually make gay friends after college?" which I'd never thought about until then, and kind of seemed like a daunting process. After researching, gay interest groups seemed like the answer to his question. While generally I'd imagine there's a rather stable group of continuous attenders in most, even so, it's an opportunity to make friends with more LGBt individuals, and from there you can make friends with their LGBt friends (and so on) to further present more opportunities.
Online apps/websites- Not really a good option, but it's there. you might find somebody you know on the app/website and, if so, that's a good opening.
you definitely shouldn't feel you're too old for dating or have missed the experience by any means, and while it's easier said than done, faking confidence and finding ways to fluff up a conversation, and learning what questions to ask so you can get the other individual talking, so that you can sustain the conversation really are key in my opinion.
EDIt: Handling the emotional aspect and being able to compartmentalise (or otherwise viewing sex as something rather insignificant to avoid developing feelings for them) is a completely different side of it though.
I've been hesitant to go to gay bars. I'm not a fab of drinking and I'm not so sure if the persons there would want something serious. But who knows, guess illegal have to find out. I also think that I will have to fake my confidence.
You're assuming a little bit Gary, sometimes you just... Don't develop anything. Gotta live it to get it I guess. I'm in your same boat of developing feelings thrugh text with someone far away, so you know you're as normal as anyone (or as I can be haha)
Ok, I'm more confident now that it's just something I haven't experienced yet and that it might come to it as naturally as any other form of interpersonal relationships. Still not what I'm in for at the moment, but I'll try to refrain from demonizing it before I've even experienced any of the sort. Thx for all your input. You seem to have experienced quite a lot. (I'm just now remembering that this whole topic started when you actually lamented a lack of experience in one type, so good luck getting that as well)
Ok, I'm more confident now that it's just something I haven't experienced yet and that it might come to it as naturally as any other form of interpersonal relationships. Still not what I'm in for at the moment, but I'll try to refrain from demonizing it before I've even experienced any of the sort. Thx for all your input. You seem to have experienced quite a lot. (I'm just now remembering that this whole topic started when you actually lamented a lack of experience in one type, so good luck getting that as well)
YASS. I'm hyped for seeing him in True Detective season two. Have you watched Alexander or A Home At The End of The World? They're good movies AND contain Colin Farrell gay scenes.
Bruges is also a beautiful city, if you're ever in Belgium I would recommend visiting.
In regards to the conversation from these last two pages, I'm in a similar situation regarding meeting people. I don't necessarily think it stems entirely from being below-average, visually speaking - I can talk for hours about trivial bullshit, but a combination of social anxiety and terminal obliviousness means I can't bring myself to establish interest in anyone, or notice the probably nonexistent attention that could be directed towards me. And even if it's common to find it difficult to actually establish relationships coming off years of socially obligated closeted repression, I can't help but feel that I'm lagging behind and fundamentally inept.
I got an idea for a thread related to yesterday's unfortunate mishap and the current battle bikini thread, but with a more positive slant and from an LGBT perspective, but everyone is welcome. Gonna PM a mod first to make sure it's cool though.
I want some positive discussion goin' on. Everything is so contentious lately. O_O
In regards to the conversation from these last two pages, I'm in a similar situation regarding meeting people. I don't necessarily think it stems entirely from being below-average, visually speaking - I can talk for hours about trivial bullshit, but a combination of social anxiety and terminal obliviousness means I can't bring myself to establish interest in anyone, or notice the probably nonexistent attention that could be directed towards me. And even if it's common to find it difficult to actually establish relationships coming off years of socially obligated closeted repression, I can't help but feel that I'm lagging behind and fundamentally inept.
Uniqlo's are great. I especially like their heattech boxer briefs -- they're supposed to keep you warm. The leg is a little long but they feel amazing and show off your butt really well.
