Is there a youtube vid of this? Would love to see it.
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March Wrasslin' |OT2| The Road To Raw After Wrestlemania XXX has begun....
- Thread starter Kaladin
- Start date
- Status
Pristine_Condition
Member
I just listened through the last four Jim Ross podcasts while doing a huge Photoshop session that I had to get finished up before the weekend.
Man, I think I've heard enough. IMO, Jim Ross comes off as fairly unlikeable in the Podcast. He's just got this over-the-top smugness about him and really talks down to the listener and the people who write in their questions and whatnot.
I'm pretty sure if I was going to Wrestlemania weekend, the last thing I'd want to do is go see his one-man show.
Amazing how different he comes off from Austin, who doesn't hold back his opinions, but still seems like a guy you'd want to have a beer with and talk wrasslin.
Man, I think I've heard enough. IMO, Jim Ross comes off as fairly unlikeable in the Podcast. He's just got this over-the-top smugness about him and really talks down to the listener and the people who write in their questions and whatnot.
I'm pretty sure if I was going to Wrestlemania weekend, the last thing I'd want to do is go see his one-man show.
Amazing how different he comes off from Austin, who doesn't hold back his opinions, but still seems like a guy you'd want to have a beer with and talk wrasslin.
lovely ladies
Member
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=105321146
lol, well it's already better than Steven Seagal's Lawman.
lol, well it's already better than Steven Seagal's Lawman.
Killing_Joke
Member
Saw that Celebrity roundtable earlier. Cringeworthy stuff from both sides. JR didn't make sense in the entire episode. Shits on Leno/Arquette and totally forgets SNOOKI WON A FUCKING WM MATCH. Everyone acts as if Arquette won the title in a ironman match or something. lol. Another silly topic is the finger poke of doom. Let's pretend wwe never ever killed a guys run before over bad booking.
British Monsoon
Member
History is written by the victors. Reinds me of the way they've been playing up Bruno since he agreed to go into the HOF - he was obviously a big deal, but not as big of a deal as the NWA champion, domestically or internationally.
Also, New Japan Cup 2nd Round is live; www.ustream.tv/njpw
Also, New Japan Cup 2nd Round is live; www.ustream.tv/njpw
I'm really hoping somehow KUSHIDA and Davey Boy Smith Jr. get in a slapping contest. I don't know why, but the fact it could happen is hilarious to me.
Aye, and it's a real shame too because he could have a lot of great material and stories I'm just not going to listen to.
It even wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't constantly in defence mode about everything regarding "wrestling booking", how if we simply don't like something we should be ashamed of ourselves for being impatient. Either that or stop watching EVERYTHING.
"It's a slow burn folks" is not a reasonable excuse if I'm not enjoying the show, and the idea Bryan can be compared to Dusty Rhodes's quest for titles isn't any better when I didn't enjoy watching any of those old matches or incredibly long feuds that ended with no satisfaction for all but one match every year.
I don't know what I was expecting though, I was annoyed in the past when he did interviews and it was the same responses (it's classic wrestling booking, that's why Cena is taking out the Nexus one by one with no trouble") or having to remind everyone how proud he is he got to sign a top talent.
Aye, and it's a real shame too because he could have a lot of great material and stories I'm just not going to listen to.
It even wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't constantly in defence mode about everything regarding "wrestling booking", how if we simply don't like something we should be ashamed of ourselves for being impatient. Either that or stop watching EVERYTHING.
"It's a slow burn folks" is not a reasonable excuse if I'm not enjoying the show, and the idea Bryan can be compared to Dusty Rhodes's quest for titles isn't any better when I didn't enjoy watching any of those old matches or incredibly long feuds that ended with no satisfaction for all but one match every year.
I don't know what I was expecting though, I was annoyed in the past when he did interviews and it was the same responses (it's classic wrestling booking, that's why Cena is taking out the Nexus one by one with no trouble") or having to remind everyone how proud he is he got to sign a top talent.
British Monsoon
Member
Tama Tonga's face paint in pretty awesome;
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
Missed NJPW. Gonna have to catch the VOD. Watch baseball instead I guesss.....
British Monsoon
Member
We're at intermission now - fine first half to the show, nothing terribly exciting though, lots of tag matches. The Bullet Club vs GBH & Taguchi tag match was fun, but I'm hoping they kick it up a gear in the 2nd half. Shibata vs Shelton is going to be...interesting.
British Monsoon
Member
Yeah, that...was odd. Pretty much no one predicted
? Oh well. Going for a
final now.
Shibata to go out - hell, why have him confront Okada at the last PPV if he wasn't even getting close to winning the damn thing
Naito vs Suzuki
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
Goddam. Break out the hand grenades. Im going to explode. Woah oh oh oha woah oh oh oha oh world goes wild.Too much BS for a Friday.....
Here comes my just in-time-for-the-west-coast spectacular jobber review. I watched this on my PS3, so there will be no gifs for now. I wanted to get it up in somewhat reasonable time and I cant bring myself to have to scrub through this to find the gif-able sections. Considering how much this fucking felt like homework I figured it was appropriate that I procrastinate and half-ass it. So without further adieu:
Live from Madison Square Garden in New York City its WrestleMania XX: Where It All Begins Again!
The show begins with America the Beautiful as sung by the Boys Choir of Harlem. I cant keep up with who is and isnt racist in this thread anymore, but approximately half of the people here would have hated this opening. The song is intercut with very patriotic imagery. The audience shows complete and undivided attention unless, of course, the camera pans over them. In that case they would flail their arms like complete jackasses. The song takes about one-and-a-half Taker entrances worth of time to finish and the end is accompanied by some of the most impotent streamers Ive ever had the joy to watch fall.
Now that everyone has tears in their eyes and eagles in their hearts its time for a hype promo! Its basically three minutes or so of false promises about how big the night is going to be bookended by some great ball washing of Vince. Is it narcissistic when the company you own produces a video calling you a genius and a visionary. Its a couple years after Vince bought WCW, but Im still surprised Ted Turner wasnt burned in effigey during this just to really hammer the point home. The highlight of this package to me was the lingering shot of Chris Benoit shrouded in black and staring at his hands with a What have I done? look on his face. It was nice to get that discomfort out of the way upfront so I could just enjoy the main event for what it was.
United States Championship
Big Show(c) vs. John Cena
The first match of the night features a giant who is probably in the back half of his career versus some Marky Mark Funky Bunch wannabe who will probably be in TNA by 2006. A large Cena chant breaks out as he enter the ring. Cena cuts a terrible prematch promo/rap, which he feigns making up on the spot. Cena calls Big Show a gorilla and the hippo balloon from the Macys Thanksgiving parade. He then states that hes itching to beat Big Show like a penis with an STD. I tried to figure out how comparing yourself to an infected cock is insulting the other guy, but I gave up by the end of the PPV. Fuck Cena hes always been corny as shit, just in different variations. The match is very plodding and is really set up as Big Shows strength versus the speed and agility of Cena. Cena tried fighting back at various points of the match, but he was always snuffed out after a couple of punches and a little momentum. There were quite a few male dominated Cena chants throughout the match. Big Show at one point delivers about the most awkward leg drop Ive seen after criss-crossing Cenas arms in a very uncoordinated manner. Its eventually followed up with Big show applying a Cobra Clutch becuase this match wasnt slow enough already. Big Show was wheezing through most of the match and he really just looks like a sick trucker. How the fucking is he still alive, let alone wrestling? The fans get behind Cena and he gains momentum which results in an FU! Show kicks out at two and Cena has a stunned look on his face that we now know all too well. The finish starts to come when Cena gets up and goes to grab the chain he wore to the ring and wraps it around his fist. Jimmy Korderas intervenes and Cena complies by throwing the chain to the other side of the ring. While the ref goes to grab the chain, Cena picks up one of his new brass knucks that either say WORD or LIFE. He punches Big Show in the face with the knucks then pockets them. Big Show bounces off of the ropes and back up on Cenas shoulders for another FU! Cena wins and is your NEW United States Champion! Pretty boring match overall, but the crowd was fairly in to it. They were in to Cena and gave a loud ovation when he won.
We now go to a backstage segment where Coach is shown walking the halls and greeting various crew and staff members. He is making his way to Raw General Manger Eric Bischoffs office. Bischoff is speaking to John Morrison, probably extolling the virtues of being a cuckold. Bischoff tells Coach that there is a rumor going around that the Undertaker is here because people have been hearing strange noises. Eric wants Coach to find Taker so he doesnt get scooped by SmackDown.
We then go to a stairwell currently occupied by three of the four members of Evolution. IC Champion Randy Orton is flanked by Ric Flair and some dude named Grank, I think. Orton is talking about being the new hardcore legend. He taunts Mick Foley about walking away when he was outmatched at Raw a few months ago. He talks about Foleys time being passed. Thats just Evolution. Many different camera angles, this would come in handy for Batista to learn which was his good side for close-ups later in life. Foley had to call in the Rock for help and Rock got beat down by Evolution for his trouble. Tonight it;s Rock n Sock versus Evolution and its time for Evolution to prove they are the future.(yeah right!) Orton cutting a promo on guys being old and washed up is kind of funny with Ric pancake tits Flair standing beside him.
Raw Tag Team Championship Match
Fatal Four-Way with La Resistance vs. Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak vs. The Dudleys vs. Booker T and RVD(c)
Ill just get this out of the way here, because its a theme through the night. This roster is too fucking big. There are several matches on the card with 8+ people and they are all given a handful of minutes. Also, this is a sudden death match, so the champs dont have to be part of the decision to lost their belts!
The champs come out to a really shit theme remix, it makes the Rhodes Brothers on sound fuckign coherent. The match starts out wiht Dupree of La Resistance vs RVD. Booker is tagged in quickly. Nice tag team move from the champs where RVD slingshots up Dupree and Booker hits him with a superkick. Dupree makes his way over to the Dudleys corner and tags in Bubba. A loud We Want Tables chant breaks out, but quickly dies out. JR doesnt care about this match either. The only pieces of commentary I really notice are JR calling Conway a French sympathizer several times and he also mentions that he has had too much caffeine and needs some Sanka. Moving forward, Booker has been in the match for a while getting worn down by Conway. Booker gets an opening and hits a nice spinebuster to Conway. Hot tag to RVD. RVD goes to town and clears the ring of the heels. He goes up to the top rope, but is shoved to the floor by Devon. The Dudleys are now in the ring and attacking Booker T. It should be noted that the legal men right now are Conway and RVD, but nobody else seems to give a shit so I dont either. The Dudleys set Booker up for a 3D. Conway intercepts Bubba and Devon just ends up planting Booker on his face. I looked away from the TV for two seconds and when I looked up Conway was bent over in the middle of the ring. Booker hits the scissor kick and RVD follows it up with a frog splash. 1-2-3 champs retain. This was just a cluster fuck and excuse for 8 guys to be involved in the show. It went about as long as the promos before the match. The whole pacing of this WM was shit.
Now we get another Coach segment as he is investigating some of the strange noises in MSG. He comes to a large sliding and hears womens moans coming from inside. That just has to be Taker! He begins to open the door and out comes Mean Gene. His jacket is off and the best word I can use to describe him is tousled. He begins to button up his jacket and explains to Coach he was just checking the pipes. Bobby Heenan is next out through the door. His shirt is unbuttoned and he has lipstick on his face and neck. He and Gene were just playing cards. Yeah. Poker. Thats it! Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young come shuffling out. They ramble incoherently and Mae mutters something about puppies before she flashes Brain. Mae and Moolah drag the men back into the unlit room to play Twister. King notes that he saw denture burns on Heenan. Im sure glad I got to see this instead of a tag match worth a damn.
Grudge Match for Trish Stratus Affection
Chris Jericho vs. Christian
This match had more build than just about any other match on the card. It all started when Christian bet Chris $1 CAD(horrible exchange rate, btw) that he could nail Lita before Chris nailed Trish. Jericho ends up falling for Trish, but she isnt reciprocating. Christian doesnt like to see his bestie in the dreaded Friendzone, or maybe Christian is a tad smitten for Trish. Trish has ruined their friendship and made Jericho lose his edge, so Christian responds by trying to cripple Trish in a match set up by Eric Bischoff. There is no way a real Canadian relationship has ever actually been this interesting. We usually just wear flannel tops and stare at each others privates while apologizing for whats about to happen.
Christian starts the match by berating Chris and they lock up. Christian forces Jericho in to the corner, but Chris gets out of it with punches and takes control of the match. Not much of note early on in the match. Christian is eventually backdropped out of the ring and Jericho springboards out on to him. Christian is looking a little weak in this match. He doesnt have the power of his peeps. They are back in the ring now and locked up again. Christian hits a suplex to the outside and he takes over on offence. Once they return to the ring Jericho is caught in a rear chin lock. Crowd is getting behind Jericho now and hes getting fired up. He gets of the the RCL and attempts a Walls of Jericho, but it isnt sustained. Christian is doing a real good job of looking vicious in this match. There is an awkward roll-up sequence here with culminates in a nice northern lights suplex from Jericho. He attempts a Lionsault, but it was met with knees like about 75% of his attempts. The action is back and forth now and the crowd sounds as excited as theyve been all night. Christian applies a Texas Cloverleaf in a standing position like the good Walls of Jericho. It gets reversed into a small package and then the Walls of Jericho, but the shitty Boston Crab version. Christian breaks the hold and drops to the outside where the good Walls of Jericho are locked on. Jericho cant win out there, but has the damage been done? They go back into the ring via a superplex with Jericho getting a two count. Trish is running down to the ring now, in some footwear which isnt very conducive to brisk movements. She makes jogging a spectator sport. King said it, Im just repeating it. Christian hits a spike DDT and gets a two count twice. He gets up and starts arguing with Trish who is now on the apron. Christian drags her in and shoves her to the ground in the corner. Jericho clotheslines him to the outside and then goes to check on Trish. Trish thinks its Christian and elbows him in the face! Chris is staggered and Christian capitalizes with a roll-up for the win. Trish cant believe her mistake(OR CAN SHE?!) and is apologizing to Chris. She then slaps Jericho and Christian hits the Unprettier. He and the damn jezebel make their way to the back while gloating. They share a raunchy kiss before heading backstage. What a betrayal.
This was the first good match of the night. It wasnt a classic by any means because they still felt rushed, but I think it told the story it needed to. Christian really played the dirtbag villain well and Trish did a good job of looking like someone you would backstab your best friend to fuck.
Lillian Garcia is now interviewing Mick foley backstage and questions him about this being his first match in four years.Mick starts talking about his emotions. Rock then cuts in and does his usual schtick. Rock then tells Lillian not to look at the Peoples Package because the buffet is closed. He compares Hurricane and Rosey to the Hamburglar and Grimace then calls Rosey fat and says he should eat chicken nuggets instead of a cheeseburger. Everyone knows this is gonna be Micks night. Mick was nervous and doubtful, but after this rousing pep talk he is ready to go kick some ass. Their match is up next.
3 on 2 Handicap Match
Evolution(Randy Orton, Ric Flair, and Roman Reigns Batista) vs. the Rock and Mick Foley
Rock and foley are fired up and clear the ring before the match starts. Flairs in the ring now and he and Rock start the match. They trade offence in to the corner where Flair takes over with some chops. Rock hits the back body drop and Flair rolls outside. Out on the floor rock hits another BBD and Foley hits the elbow drop from the apron. Ric is back in the ring now and he tags in Orton. Foley wants a piece of that. Rock obliges him and Orton rolls out of the ring to get away from Mick. The brawl around the ring with Foley getting the advantage before he rolls Randy back inside. Foley is in control and he tags in the Rock. Loud, but short, Rocky chant breaks out. Some dirty work by Evolution leads to Rocky being sent outside to the floor. Batista is tagged in now and in control of the match. He tags in Flair. Flair lines Rock up in the corner for some more chops. The look on Rocks face is really selling the chops. This is why hes a Hollywood megastar! Flair does a strut which is met with a clothesline from Rock. Batista is tagged back in and overpowers Rock. Rock manages to get an opening and tags in Foley. Mrs. Foleys baby boy is cleaning house and getting fired up. Bats throws him outside and the other members of Evolution double team him. Foley runs in to the steps knee-first off of a slingshot. Youre a certified legend, Mick. You dont need to do that! There are a lot of quick tags now by Evolution as they wear down Foley. Mick is trying to fight back and gets the Mandible Claw on Batista, but Orton interupts with a kick to the mid-section. More quick tags. Foley finally gets an opening after a swinging neckbreaker to Batista. Now the two legal men are both up and it results in a double clothesline. Tags to Flair and the Rock. Rock is clearing house now, but he gets hit with a spinebuster from Batista. Flair sees his opening and wants to hit a Peoples Elbow! Lots pf strutting ensues and that gives Rock the chance to kip up and deliver a spinebuster of his own to Flair. Peoples Elbow connects to get a two count. An RKO is reversed in to a Rock Bottom, but the ref has lost control of the match. Batista Bomb to Rock while the ref isnt looking. Orton is still the legal man and both competitors are down. Rock hits the hot tag to Foley. Foley clears house and Im as tired on typing it as I am of seeing it. Socko has emerged from his dank cavern! Orton is all lined up, but he hits the RKO outta nowhere! He gets the three count and Evolution win. Foley is devastated and takes some convincing that it wasnt just two. Evolution is celebrating their victory as they make their way up the ramp. Rock gets in to the ring and is clearly disappointed in the loss. He still loves Foley and the crowd loves them both. They hug it out while we begin a Hall of Fame highlight package.
Hall of Fame
Class of 2004
Shown in the highlight package are:
Superstar Billy Graham, Sgt. Slaughter, Harley Race, Tito Santana, Jesse The Body Ventura, Bobby The Brain Heenan.
Mean Gene is introduced and comes out to the entrance to introduce the rest of the class. They are:
Big John Studd(deceased), Pete Rose(first inductee to the celebrity wing), Don Muraco, Greg The Hammer Valentine, and Junkyard Dog(deceased).
HoF Notes:
Pete Rose was introduced to loud boos. Harley Race walked out like Cotton from King of the Hill. Sgt. Slaughters chin takes up its own wing of the HoF. Bobby was tearful that Monsoon wasnt there with him. Jesse Ventura mentioned in his induction speech that 2008 might be the time to put a wrestler in the White House.
Playboy Evening Gown Match
Sable and Torrie vs. Miss Jackie and Stacy Keibler
Stacy enters the ring very slowly, but the fucking camera man is out of position. I sincerely hope he was fired. Sable takes the mic before the match and starts talking about how her and Torrie are uncomfortable. They would like to start the match with their evening gowns off, if its alright with the audience. The audience yells No you fat pigs!, but they strip anyways. Cole and Tazz are unbearable right now. Im glad Cole got fat and Tazz got TNAd. Stacy gets in the spirit and takes of her gown as well. Miss Jackie resists, so her opponents strip her gown off of her before the bell rings. Does WWE have an HR department? I think this whole segment could be considered one big sexual harassment case. The match is a bunch of semi-athletic shit nobody cares about. Torrie gets the pin on Jackie. I think this was the part of the review where I decided to give up.
Video package is show which is basically just a bunch of limeys being interviewed about their excitement to be at WMXX. One guy with a mustache mentions that his family has been to DisnleyLand, but this has his skin all tingly. Im glad he wasnt tingly at DisneyLand because he looks like a pedophile. Is that even illegal in the UK or just a rite of passage? Nevermind. I dont want to know.
Chris Benoit and Eddie Guererro are shown talking in the locker room. Eddie tells Chris that no matter what; win, lose, or draw, hes proud of him*shudders*. Chris is fired up. He believes in himself and he believes there is no lose tonight because its his night. Eddies all fired up now because he can see the Wolverine coming out. He tells Chris that he believes, too.
Crusierweight Championship Open
Chavo Guerrero(c) w/ Chavo Sr. vs. Nunzio vs. Jamie Noble(he can barely be seen over the nameplate graphic hes so short) vs. Tajiri vs. Akio vs. Funaki vs. Shannon Moore(and his terrible hairdo) vs. Ultimo Dragon(sans botched entrance) vs. Billy Kidman vs. Rey Mysterio as Flash vs. Bea Arthur vs. David Caruso vs. Alf vs. who fucking cares
This match starts with two men and every time someone is pinned or submitted the next entrant comes in. The entrance order was drawn randomly before the match. They put a graphic up explaining all the rules, but I dont like reading in my wrasslin so I just listened to tony Chimmel explain it. Ultimo and Moore start off the match. Fast flippy shit is mixed in with near falls. Ultimo hits his finisher and pins Moore. This match moves too fast to fucking write notes about, I had to pause it several times to catch up. Noble is in after Moore and he and Ultimo are trading offence until Ultimo takes over. A neckbreaker into a submission by Noble and Ultimo has to tap. The minute is about a minute thirty in now and two guys have been eliminated already. Way to look like jobbers, you midgets. Funaki is in now and attempts a flying press, but noble rolls it through. Funaki is eliminated after about 5 seconds. Now itsa Nunzios turn! Noble gets Nunzio outside and hits him with a senton. Nunzio is eventually counted out because I think Noble ran out of finishers to use. Kidman is the next man up. Noble is trying to get back in to the ring, but he is pulled of the apron by that vengeful little Nunzio. Kidman hits a SSP outside to both of them and tries to break his neck. Kidman gets Noble back in the ring and hes controlling the action in there. He sets Noble up to hit another SSP and heads to the top rope. Noble gets up and stops him, but Billy takes control back and hits a BK Bomb from the ropes for the pin. Noble is eliminated. Mysterio is next in. I missed most of what happens here because I was still trying to write and catch up with Nunzio and Nobles bullshit. Mysterio gets the pin on Kidman after another top rope move. This match has only existed as an excuse to shoehorn about 12 finishers in a match with 8 minutes. Its really making me dread the Andre Memorial Battle Royal comign up at WMXXX. Tajiri is the next entrant and he starts out with some kicks to Rey. Tarantula. Tazz really fumbles over his words while trying to explain the Tarantula. More signature spots now. 619 from Rey. Shenanigans happen and somehow Rey is tied up on the ropes by Akio. I forget what the ref was doing or why he wasnt stopping this. There might have been a brawl between eliminated guys outside the ring or something. Anyways, Tajiri tries to hit Rey with the Mist, but Rey ducks and it hit Akio. Mysterio gets a pin on Tajiri after a seated senton. Akio cant compete because hes been misted so its down to just Rey and Chavo. They do something that resembles a wrestling match, but I cant remember what those really look like anymore. They have some near falls before Chavo Sr. starts distracting the referee because Rey was building momentum. Rey flips over the ref to deliver a senton to Chavo Sr. outside. My hand is now cramped. Mysterio gets back in the ring with a sunset flip. Chavo turns it back in to a pin and Chavo Sr. grabs his arms to help steal the win. Chavo retains his belt.
Interpromotional Match
Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg
The feud started at the RR when Lesnar(who was champ at the time) F5d Goldberg and cause him to be eliminated from the titular match. The next month at No Way Out, Goldberg costs Lesnar his title after he hits him with a spear. Goldberg was in the crowd at that PPV because Steve Austin gave him tickets. Steve must have known Goldberg was the workin man. Not even the 22nd Airborne could keep order in this match so Stone Cold is announced as the special guest referee. Brock is PISSed at Austin since Austin gave Goldberg his ticket to No Way Out.
Live from Madison Square Garden in New York City its WrestleMania XX: Where It All Begins Again!
The show begins with America the Beautiful as sung by the Boys Choir of Harlem. I cant keep up with who is and isnt racist in this thread anymore, but approximately half of the people here would have hated this opening. The song is intercut with very patriotic imagery. The audience shows complete and undivided attention unless, of course, the camera pans over them. In that case they would flail their arms like complete jackasses. The song takes about one-and-a-half Taker entrances worth of time to finish and the end is accompanied by some of the most impotent streamers Ive ever had the joy to watch fall.
Now that everyone has tears in their eyes and eagles in their hearts its time for a hype promo! Its basically three minutes or so of false promises about how big the night is going to be bookended by some great ball washing of Vince. Is it narcissistic when the company you own produces a video calling you a genius and a visionary. Its a couple years after Vince bought WCW, but Im still surprised Ted Turner wasnt burned in effigey during this just to really hammer the point home. The highlight of this package to me was the lingering shot of Chris Benoit shrouded in black and staring at his hands with a What have I done? look on his face. It was nice to get that discomfort out of the way upfront so I could just enjoy the main event for what it was.
United States Championship
Big Show(c) vs. John Cena
The first match of the night features a giant who is probably in the back half of his career versus some Marky Mark Funky Bunch wannabe who will probably be in TNA by 2006. A large Cena chant breaks out as he enter the ring. Cena cuts a terrible prematch promo/rap, which he feigns making up on the spot. Cena calls Big Show a gorilla and the hippo balloon from the Macys Thanksgiving parade. He then states that hes itching to beat Big Show like a penis with an STD. I tried to figure out how comparing yourself to an infected cock is insulting the other guy, but I gave up by the end of the PPV. Fuck Cena hes always been corny as shit, just in different variations. The match is very plodding and is really set up as Big Shows strength versus the speed and agility of Cena. Cena tried fighting back at various points of the match, but he was always snuffed out after a couple of punches and a little momentum. There were quite a few male dominated Cena chants throughout the match. Big Show at one point delivers about the most awkward leg drop Ive seen after criss-crossing Cenas arms in a very uncoordinated manner. Its eventually followed up with Big show applying a Cobra Clutch becuase this match wasnt slow enough already. Big Show was wheezing through most of the match and he really just looks like a sick trucker. How the fucking is he still alive, let alone wrestling? The fans get behind Cena and he gains momentum which results in an FU! Show kicks out at two and Cena has a stunned look on his face that we now know all too well. The finish starts to come when Cena gets up and goes to grab the chain he wore to the ring and wraps it around his fist. Jimmy Korderas intervenes and Cena complies by throwing the chain to the other side of the ring. While the ref goes to grab the chain, Cena picks up one of his new brass knucks that either say WORD or LIFE. He punches Big Show in the face with the knucks then pockets them. Big Show bounces off of the ropes and back up on Cenas shoulders for another FU! Cena wins and is your NEW United States Champion! Pretty boring match overall, but the crowd was fairly in to it. They were in to Cena and gave a loud ovation when he won.
We now go to a backstage segment where Coach is shown walking the halls and greeting various crew and staff members. He is making his way to Raw General Manger Eric Bischoffs office. Bischoff is speaking to John Morrison, probably extolling the virtues of being a cuckold. Bischoff tells Coach that there is a rumor going around that the Undertaker is here because people have been hearing strange noises. Eric wants Coach to find Taker so he doesnt get scooped by SmackDown.
We then go to a stairwell currently occupied by three of the four members of Evolution. IC Champion Randy Orton is flanked by Ric Flair and some dude named Grank, I think. Orton is talking about being the new hardcore legend. He taunts Mick Foley about walking away when he was outmatched at Raw a few months ago. He talks about Foleys time being passed. Thats just Evolution. Many different camera angles, this would come in handy for Batista to learn which was his good side for close-ups later in life. Foley had to call in the Rock for help and Rock got beat down by Evolution for his trouble. Tonight it;s Rock n Sock versus Evolution and its time for Evolution to prove they are the future.(yeah right!) Orton cutting a promo on guys being old and washed up is kind of funny with Ric pancake tits Flair standing beside him.
Raw Tag Team Championship Match
Fatal Four-Way with La Resistance vs. Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak vs. The Dudleys vs. Booker T and RVD(c)
Ill just get this out of the way here, because its a theme through the night. This roster is too fucking big. There are several matches on the card with 8+ people and they are all given a handful of minutes. Also, this is a sudden death match, so the champs dont have to be part of the decision to lost their belts!
The champs come out to a really shit theme remix, it makes the Rhodes Brothers on sound fuckign coherent. The match starts out wiht Dupree of La Resistance vs RVD. Booker is tagged in quickly. Nice tag team move from the champs where RVD slingshots up Dupree and Booker hits him with a superkick. Dupree makes his way over to the Dudleys corner and tags in Bubba. A loud We Want Tables chant breaks out, but quickly dies out. JR doesnt care about this match either. The only pieces of commentary I really notice are JR calling Conway a French sympathizer several times and he also mentions that he has had too much caffeine and needs some Sanka. Moving forward, Booker has been in the match for a while getting worn down by Conway. Booker gets an opening and hits a nice spinebuster to Conway. Hot tag to RVD. RVD goes to town and clears the ring of the heels. He goes up to the top rope, but is shoved to the floor by Devon. The Dudleys are now in the ring and attacking Booker T. It should be noted that the legal men right now are Conway and RVD, but nobody else seems to give a shit so I dont either. The Dudleys set Booker up for a 3D. Conway intercepts Bubba and Devon just ends up planting Booker on his face. I looked away from the TV for two seconds and when I looked up Conway was bent over in the middle of the ring. Booker hits the scissor kick and RVD follows it up with a frog splash. 1-2-3 champs retain. This was just a cluster fuck and excuse for 8 guys to be involved in the show. It went about as long as the promos before the match. The whole pacing of this WM was shit.
Now we get another Coach segment as he is investigating some of the strange noises in MSG. He comes to a large sliding and hears womens moans coming from inside. That just has to be Taker! He begins to open the door and out comes Mean Gene. His jacket is off and the best word I can use to describe him is tousled. He begins to button up his jacket and explains to Coach he was just checking the pipes. Bobby Heenan is next out through the door. His shirt is unbuttoned and he has lipstick on his face and neck. He and Gene were just playing cards. Yeah. Poker. Thats it! Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young come shuffling out. They ramble incoherently and Mae mutters something about puppies before she flashes Brain. Mae and Moolah drag the men back into the unlit room to play Twister. King notes that he saw denture burns on Heenan. Im sure glad I got to see this instead of a tag match worth a damn.
Grudge Match for Trish Stratus Affection
Chris Jericho vs. Christian
This match had more build than just about any other match on the card. It all started when Christian bet Chris $1 CAD(horrible exchange rate, btw) that he could nail Lita before Chris nailed Trish. Jericho ends up falling for Trish, but she isnt reciprocating. Christian doesnt like to see his bestie in the dreaded Friendzone, or maybe Christian is a tad smitten for Trish. Trish has ruined their friendship and made Jericho lose his edge, so Christian responds by trying to cripple Trish in a match set up by Eric Bischoff. There is no way a real Canadian relationship has ever actually been this interesting. We usually just wear flannel tops and stare at each others privates while apologizing for whats about to happen.
Christian starts the match by berating Chris and they lock up. Christian forces Jericho in to the corner, but Chris gets out of it with punches and takes control of the match. Not much of note early on in the match. Christian is eventually backdropped out of the ring and Jericho springboards out on to him. Christian is looking a little weak in this match. He doesnt have the power of his peeps. They are back in the ring now and locked up again. Christian hits a suplex to the outside and he takes over on offence. Once they return to the ring Jericho is caught in a rear chin lock. Crowd is getting behind Jericho now and hes getting fired up. He gets of the the RCL and attempts a Walls of Jericho, but it isnt sustained. Christian is doing a real good job of looking vicious in this match. There is an awkward roll-up sequence here with culminates in a nice northern lights suplex from Jericho. He attempts a Lionsault, but it was met with knees like about 75% of his attempts. The action is back and forth now and the crowd sounds as excited as theyve been all night. Christian applies a Texas Cloverleaf in a standing position like the good Walls of Jericho. It gets reversed into a small package and then the Walls of Jericho, but the shitty Boston Crab version. Christian breaks the hold and drops to the outside where the good Walls of Jericho are locked on. Jericho cant win out there, but has the damage been done? They go back into the ring via a superplex with Jericho getting a two count. Trish is running down to the ring now, in some footwear which isnt very conducive to brisk movements. She makes jogging a spectator sport. King said it, Im just repeating it. Christian hits a spike DDT and gets a two count twice. He gets up and starts arguing with Trish who is now on the apron. Christian drags her in and shoves her to the ground in the corner. Jericho clotheslines him to the outside and then goes to check on Trish. Trish thinks its Christian and elbows him in the face! Chris is staggered and Christian capitalizes with a roll-up for the win. Trish cant believe her mistake(OR CAN SHE?!) and is apologizing to Chris. She then slaps Jericho and Christian hits the Unprettier. He and the damn jezebel make their way to the back while gloating. They share a raunchy kiss before heading backstage. What a betrayal.
This was the first good match of the night. It wasnt a classic by any means because they still felt rushed, but I think it told the story it needed to. Christian really played the dirtbag villain well and Trish did a good job of looking like someone you would backstab your best friend to fuck.
Lillian Garcia is now interviewing Mick foley backstage and questions him about this being his first match in four years.Mick starts talking about his emotions. Rock then cuts in and does his usual schtick. Rock then tells Lillian not to look at the Peoples Package because the buffet is closed. He compares Hurricane and Rosey to the Hamburglar and Grimace then calls Rosey fat and says he should eat chicken nuggets instead of a cheeseburger. Everyone knows this is gonna be Micks night. Mick was nervous and doubtful, but after this rousing pep talk he is ready to go kick some ass. Their match is up next.
3 on 2 Handicap Match
Evolution(Randy Orton, Ric Flair, and Roman Reigns Batista) vs. the Rock and Mick Foley
Rock and foley are fired up and clear the ring before the match starts. Flairs in the ring now and he and Rock start the match. They trade offence in to the corner where Flair takes over with some chops. Rock hits the back body drop and Flair rolls outside. Out on the floor rock hits another BBD and Foley hits the elbow drop from the apron. Ric is back in the ring now and he tags in Orton. Foley wants a piece of that. Rock obliges him and Orton rolls out of the ring to get away from Mick. The brawl around the ring with Foley getting the advantage before he rolls Randy back inside. Foley is in control and he tags in the Rock. Loud, but short, Rocky chant breaks out. Some dirty work by Evolution leads to Rocky being sent outside to the floor. Batista is tagged in now and in control of the match. He tags in Flair. Flair lines Rock up in the corner for some more chops. The look on Rocks face is really selling the chops. This is why hes a Hollywood megastar! Flair does a strut which is met with a clothesline from Rock. Batista is tagged back in and overpowers Rock. Rock manages to get an opening and tags in Foley. Mrs. Foleys baby boy is cleaning house and getting fired up. Bats throws him outside and the other members of Evolution double team him. Foley runs in to the steps knee-first off of a slingshot. Youre a certified legend, Mick. You dont need to do that! There are a lot of quick tags now by Evolution as they wear down Foley. Mick is trying to fight back and gets the Mandible Claw on Batista, but Orton interupts with a kick to the mid-section. More quick tags. Foley finally gets an opening after a swinging neckbreaker to Batista. Now the two legal men are both up and it results in a double clothesline. Tags to Flair and the Rock. Rock is clearing house now, but he gets hit with a spinebuster from Batista. Flair sees his opening and wants to hit a Peoples Elbow! Lots pf strutting ensues and that gives Rock the chance to kip up and deliver a spinebuster of his own to Flair. Peoples Elbow connects to get a two count. An RKO is reversed in to a Rock Bottom, but the ref has lost control of the match. Batista Bomb to Rock while the ref isnt looking. Orton is still the legal man and both competitors are down. Rock hits the hot tag to Foley. Foley clears house and Im as tired on typing it as I am of seeing it. Socko has emerged from his dank cavern! Orton is all lined up, but he hits the RKO outta nowhere! He gets the three count and Evolution win. Foley is devastated and takes some convincing that it wasnt just two. Evolution is celebrating their victory as they make their way up the ramp. Rock gets in to the ring and is clearly disappointed in the loss. He still loves Foley and the crowd loves them both. They hug it out while we begin a Hall of Fame highlight package.
Hall of Fame
Class of 2004
Shown in the highlight package are:
Superstar Billy Graham, Sgt. Slaughter, Harley Race, Tito Santana, Jesse The Body Ventura, Bobby The Brain Heenan.
Mean Gene is introduced and comes out to the entrance to introduce the rest of the class. They are:
Big John Studd(deceased), Pete Rose(first inductee to the celebrity wing), Don Muraco, Greg The Hammer Valentine, and Junkyard Dog(deceased).
HoF Notes:
Pete Rose was introduced to loud boos. Harley Race walked out like Cotton from King of the Hill. Sgt. Slaughters chin takes up its own wing of the HoF. Bobby was tearful that Monsoon wasnt there with him. Jesse Ventura mentioned in his induction speech that 2008 might be the time to put a wrestler in the White House.
Playboy Evening Gown Match
Sable and Torrie vs. Miss Jackie and Stacy Keibler
Stacy enters the ring very slowly, but the fucking camera man is out of position. I sincerely hope he was fired. Sable takes the mic before the match and starts talking about how her and Torrie are uncomfortable. They would like to start the match with their evening gowns off, if its alright with the audience. The audience yells No you fat pigs!, but they strip anyways. Cole and Tazz are unbearable right now. Im glad Cole got fat and Tazz got TNAd. Stacy gets in the spirit and takes of her gown as well. Miss Jackie resists, so her opponents strip her gown off of her before the bell rings. Does WWE have an HR department? I think this whole segment could be considered one big sexual harassment case. The match is a bunch of semi-athletic shit nobody cares about. Torrie gets the pin on Jackie. I think this was the part of the review where I decided to give up.
Video package is show which is basically just a bunch of limeys being interviewed about their excitement to be at WMXX. One guy with a mustache mentions that his family has been to DisnleyLand, but this has his skin all tingly. Im glad he wasnt tingly at DisneyLand because he looks like a pedophile. Is that even illegal in the UK or just a rite of passage? Nevermind. I dont want to know.
Chris Benoit and Eddie Guererro are shown talking in the locker room. Eddie tells Chris that no matter what; win, lose, or draw, hes proud of him*shudders*. Chris is fired up. He believes in himself and he believes there is no lose tonight because its his night. Eddies all fired up now because he can see the Wolverine coming out. He tells Chris that he believes, too.
Crusierweight Championship Open
Chavo Guerrero(c) w/ Chavo Sr. vs. Nunzio vs. Jamie Noble(he can barely be seen over the nameplate graphic hes so short) vs. Tajiri vs. Akio vs. Funaki vs. Shannon Moore(and his terrible hairdo) vs. Ultimo Dragon(sans botched entrance) vs. Billy Kidman vs. Rey Mysterio as Flash vs. Bea Arthur vs. David Caruso vs. Alf vs. who fucking cares
This match starts with two men and every time someone is pinned or submitted the next entrant comes in. The entrance order was drawn randomly before the match. They put a graphic up explaining all the rules, but I dont like reading in my wrasslin so I just listened to tony Chimmel explain it. Ultimo and Moore start off the match. Fast flippy shit is mixed in with near falls. Ultimo hits his finisher and pins Moore. This match moves too fast to fucking write notes about, I had to pause it several times to catch up. Noble is in after Moore and he and Ultimo are trading offence until Ultimo takes over. A neckbreaker into a submission by Noble and Ultimo has to tap. The minute is about a minute thirty in now and two guys have been eliminated already. Way to look like jobbers, you midgets. Funaki is in now and attempts a flying press, but noble rolls it through. Funaki is eliminated after about 5 seconds. Now itsa Nunzios turn! Noble gets Nunzio outside and hits him with a senton. Nunzio is eventually counted out because I think Noble ran out of finishers to use. Kidman is the next man up. Noble is trying to get back in to the ring, but he is pulled of the apron by that vengeful little Nunzio. Kidman hits a SSP outside to both of them and tries to break his neck. Kidman gets Noble back in the ring and hes controlling the action in there. He sets Noble up to hit another SSP and heads to the top rope. Noble gets up and stops him, but Billy takes control back and hits a BK Bomb from the ropes for the pin. Noble is eliminated. Mysterio is next in. I missed most of what happens here because I was still trying to write and catch up with Nunzio and Nobles bullshit. Mysterio gets the pin on Kidman after another top rope move. This match has only existed as an excuse to shoehorn about 12 finishers in a match with 8 minutes. Its really making me dread the Andre Memorial Battle Royal comign up at WMXXX. Tajiri is the next entrant and he starts out with some kicks to Rey. Tarantula. Tazz really fumbles over his words while trying to explain the Tarantula. More signature spots now. 619 from Rey. Shenanigans happen and somehow Rey is tied up on the ropes by Akio. I forget what the ref was doing or why he wasnt stopping this. There might have been a brawl between eliminated guys outside the ring or something. Anyways, Tajiri tries to hit Rey with the Mist, but Rey ducks and it hit Akio. Mysterio gets a pin on Tajiri after a seated senton. Akio cant compete because hes been misted so its down to just Rey and Chavo. They do something that resembles a wrestling match, but I cant remember what those really look like anymore. They have some near falls before Chavo Sr. starts distracting the referee because Rey was building momentum. Rey flips over the ref to deliver a senton to Chavo Sr. outside. My hand is now cramped. Mysterio gets back in the ring with a sunset flip. Chavo turns it back in to a pin and Chavo Sr. grabs his arms to help steal the win. Chavo retains his belt.
Interpromotional Match
Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg
The feud started at the RR when Lesnar(who was champ at the time) F5d Goldberg and cause him to be eliminated from the titular match. The next month at No Way Out, Goldberg costs Lesnar his title after he hits him with a spear. Goldberg was in the crowd at that PPV because Steve Austin gave him tickets. Steve must have known Goldberg was the workin man. Not even the 22nd Airborne could keep order in this match so Stone Cold is announced as the special guest referee. Brock is PISSed at Austin since Austin gave Goldberg his ticket to No Way Out.
Part 2 follows:
Austin is out first on his fourwheeler. Hes got on two knee braces and hand wraps to be a ref in a match that barely happens. Big standoff as the two warriors try and intimidate one another. Austin is trying to get them to fight, but neither is having that.You Sold Out and Nah Nah Nah Goodbye chants break out and are directed at Lesnar. I guess the news of him wanting to go to the NFL was out by this time because JR references it. There has still been no fighting. A big Austin chant starts. finally the competitors lock up. They are pushing each other back and forth, but neither are getting the advantage. Audible boos ring down after 30 seconds of complete nothing. Exchanging of taunts and more pacing around the ring. Everyone is annoyed now. The Evening Gown match had more wrestling than this thing has. Another tie up results in more of the same. This Match Sucks They jockey a bit and exchange attempts of running into one another, but neither budges. Finally, they both run at each other and both fall! They are so evenly matched! Ive already written more than this match deserves, but Ill keep going for YOU in the WrassleGAF Universe. Goldberg gets Brock up in a military press and turns that into a spear that looked more like a shitty spinebuster. Goldberg sizes Lesnar up for a spear, but Brock dodges it and Goldberg collides with the ringpost. The match heads outside and becomes a brawl with Brock getting the upperhand. Brock gets a near-fall back inside the ring now. Now a modified chinlock which is met with more boos. Another This Match Sucks chant. Match starts to build some momentum and leads to a Goldberg spear, but its only a two count. Goldberg gets in Austins face. A distracted Goldberg gets caught with an F5, but that only gets a two. Lesnar gets in Austins face now. Lesnar tries for a spear to Goldberg and misses. Goldberg hits his spear. He follows that up with the Jackhammer. Austin counts three and Goldberg wins. Goldberg is celebrating to complete silence from the audience. Another Goodbye chant is directed at Lesnar. Brock gives the two finger salute to the audience and then to Austin. He takes a Stunner for his defiance. Austin and Goldberg share some beers in the ring. They go to clank beer cans and Austin hits Goldberg with a Stunner. Austin drinks more beer. They could have just skipped this whole match and just had Austin stun the two of them. It would have freed up time on the card and not pissed everyone off at the same time.
Vince comes out now to thank the fans in attendance and at home. Our support has made all twenty WreslteManias possible. I dont know if he was planned to come out here or if he was just doing damage control. Either way, the look on his face shows that he was as pissed about the last match as anybody there.
(Another)Tag Team Championship Fatal Four-Way for the SmackDown Tag Titles
Worlds Greatest Tag Team(Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas) vs. APA vs. the Basham Brothers vs. Rikishi and Scotty Too Hotty
I hope King was crying over Brian Christopher not being part of this. Fuck that asshole with the same bloated face and receding hairline as his dad.
Shelton Benjamin and Bradshaw start out the match. Doug Basham tags in shortly after the match starts. Doug comes in for Bradshaw who wasnt expecting the tag. These Basham guys kind of look like Maven in pleather pants. Haas is tagged in by Benjamin. Haas takes a chinbreaker. Its normally called a jawbreaker, but your chins attached to your jaw I guess - Tazz with a wonderful anatomy lesson for everyone at home. Scotty is in the match now after tagging bald CAW#2. Scotty knocks Haas down and starts popping and locking. These matches with more people than minutes are complete wastes. I hope these guys enjoyed their WM paycheques because I am not enjoying watching them. CAW#1 is in now for Haas. His gets in control of Scotty and tags in the other Basham. Bashem whichever takes an enziguri to the outside now, but his brother tags in while hes falling through the ropes. Scotty gets a tag to rikishi who starts clearing house. Match breaks down and leads to one of the Bashers taking a GOD DAMN Clothesline From Hell. This was the first thing I saw all night, aside from some botches, I really wanted to gif. Rikishi counters a CfH attempt in to a Samoan drop. He then sits on the downed Bashum for the pin. Post match celebration contained a worm and some dancing.
An Edge is coming promo airs.
Jesse Ventura comes out now witha mic in hand. He declares hes gonna interview someone just like he did twenty years ago. His target is Donald Trump. the hair looks great! Jesse asks Donald what WM means to him. Donald says something resembling an answer, I dont pay attention to that self-involved jizzbag. Jesse asks Trump if he has his moral and financial support if he goes back to politics. 100% YES Jesse repeats his wrestler in the White House line from the HoF induction ceremony. Id love to see what shape America would be in with a conspiracy nut like Jesse running things. Secretary of Defense Alex Jones would be a great experiment.
Womens Championship Match
Victoria(c) vs. Molly
If Molly loses this match she has to have her head shaved. Victoria controls the match early, but Molly takes it after delivering a nice clothesline outside the ring. Ill be honest, at this point in the show I was done with trying to keep up with play-by-play. Molly is controlling most of the match by varying between snapmares, suplexes, and holds. Victoria wins this one out of nowhere after she has little offense. The pin comes from a backslide counter to Molly attempting a Widows Peak. Molly loses the match, and her hair momentarily. They are brawling after the match and Molly tries to shave Victoria. Silly Molly, the clippers werent plugged in. Victoria maces her in the eyes with hair spray. Molly gets strapped to the barbers chair. Thank god Brutus is nowhere to be found. Victoria now has control of the clippers and starts to shave Mollys head. Mullet chant.
We cut from that to a promo setting up the Eddie vs. Angle match that is next. We come back from the package to find Molly bald and disgruntled.
Kurt has to walk out to his championship match while a women is being shaved bald 6 feet from him. Stagehands are coming out now to deconstruct the barbers chair while Eddie drives out in his Cadillac low-rider.
WWE Championship match
Eddie Guererro(c) vs. Kurt Angle
No play-by-play for this. I enjoy the match too much to be distracted by writing notes. Its a really solid match and highlights a lot of both guys strengths. It starts out with some good mat wrestling and grappling. Kurt looks like a relentless, vicious bastard the entire match targeting Eddies midsection and trying to wring the life out of him. Eddie is so good at being likeable and goofy outside the ring and believable as a badass inside it. The match seems a little on the short side, but that might have just been because I actually liked it compared to the shit I have been sitting through. Eddie wins with an inside cradle after loosening up his boot so that it slipped off while Angle went for the Ankle Lock. I dont think I cant really say anything about this match that hasnt been said somewhere else before so Im keeping this brief. I miss Eddie and think he had a lot of good wrestling left. Im glad weve got the network now so I can go back and enjoy his WCW work.
Next up is a sibling rivalry.
Kane vs. The Undertaker(?)
The Undertaker is believed to be dead after Kane buried him alive at Survivor Series. Kane has been fighting the idea that the Deadman looms ever since the Royal Rumble. Kane really thinks he killed him and doesnt want to believe Taker will get his revenge. Even though Kane thinks hes dead he still comes out for his match like he normally would. Kane is in the ring when all of a sudden the lights go out
Ohhhhhhh Yessssss its Paul Bearer! He is accompanied out to the ring by druids.
------------------------------------------------GONG-------------------------------------------------------------------
Its Taker! the last time we saw him he was a biker with a tude and now hes in a duster and a top hat. The Deadman is back. This was a pretty boring match mainly used as a way to reintroduce Taker. Considering that I watched their WMXIV match earlier in the week this was a real disappointment. Kane gets in very little offense in what is basically just a brawl. Kane is put away with a tombstone piledriver. After the match Taker does his eye thing to show that the Deadman has truly returned. This was purely padding between the main events. Takers streak was at 12-0 after this one.
World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Match
Triple H(c) vs. Chris Benoit vs. HBK
Benoit won the Royal Rumble to get in this match after he lasted all the way from number 1. HBK has unfinished business with HHH so he kicks Chris Benoit in the face and signs the contract. Just like that hes in the match. The other good match on the card. Of the three good matches two involved Canadians, there is no way that is a coincidence. I didnt like this as much as the Eddie/Kurt match, but Triple Threat matches always follow some tropes that annoy me. Having to shoehorn in spots for guys to go outside always come off overwrought. HHH and HBK go overboard with the bleeding here as well. Chris was definitely the MVP of the match and worked his balls off, showing he could hang with top company guys. Even knowing about what comes in a couple years its hard not to feel good for him when hes celebrating at end of the match, especially when Eddie comes out to hug him.
So that was WMXX. A poorly paced show that felt rushed even at 4:36. It was a marathon of a watch and my ass is sore. It has killed all my hype for WMXXX because I know complete shit awaits us for most of the night. Overall I give the show a C+ with the matches you should watch being:
Chris Jericho vs. Christian
Eddie Guererro vs. Kurt Angle
Triple H vs. HBK vs. Chris Benoit
Maybe watch Lesnar vs Goldberg if you want to see a trainwreck.
Thanks for reading and Ill try and get up some gifs to accompany this in a timely manner.
Austin is out first on his fourwheeler. Hes got on two knee braces and hand wraps to be a ref in a match that barely happens. Big standoff as the two warriors try and intimidate one another. Austin is trying to get them to fight, but neither is having that.You Sold Out and Nah Nah Nah Goodbye chants break out and are directed at Lesnar. I guess the news of him wanting to go to the NFL was out by this time because JR references it. There has still been no fighting. A big Austin chant starts. finally the competitors lock up. They are pushing each other back and forth, but neither are getting the advantage. Audible boos ring down after 30 seconds of complete nothing. Exchanging of taunts and more pacing around the ring. Everyone is annoyed now. The Evening Gown match had more wrestling than this thing has. Another tie up results in more of the same. This Match Sucks They jockey a bit and exchange attempts of running into one another, but neither budges. Finally, they both run at each other and both fall! They are so evenly matched! Ive already written more than this match deserves, but Ill keep going for YOU in the WrassleGAF Universe. Goldberg gets Brock up in a military press and turns that into a spear that looked more like a shitty spinebuster. Goldberg sizes Lesnar up for a spear, but Brock dodges it and Goldberg collides with the ringpost. The match heads outside and becomes a brawl with Brock getting the upperhand. Brock gets a near-fall back inside the ring now. Now a modified chinlock which is met with more boos. Another This Match Sucks chant. Match starts to build some momentum and leads to a Goldberg spear, but its only a two count. Goldberg gets in Austins face. A distracted Goldberg gets caught with an F5, but that only gets a two. Lesnar gets in Austins face now. Lesnar tries for a spear to Goldberg and misses. Goldberg hits his spear. He follows that up with the Jackhammer. Austin counts three and Goldberg wins. Goldberg is celebrating to complete silence from the audience. Another Goodbye chant is directed at Lesnar. Brock gives the two finger salute to the audience and then to Austin. He takes a Stunner for his defiance. Austin and Goldberg share some beers in the ring. They go to clank beer cans and Austin hits Goldberg with a Stunner. Austin drinks more beer. They could have just skipped this whole match and just had Austin stun the two of them. It would have freed up time on the card and not pissed everyone off at the same time.
Vince comes out now to thank the fans in attendance and at home. Our support has made all twenty WreslteManias possible. I dont know if he was planned to come out here or if he was just doing damage control. Either way, the look on his face shows that he was as pissed about the last match as anybody there.
(Another)Tag Team Championship Fatal Four-Way for the SmackDown Tag Titles
Worlds Greatest Tag Team(Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas) vs. APA vs. the Basham Brothers vs. Rikishi and Scotty Too Hotty
I hope King was crying over Brian Christopher not being part of this. Fuck that asshole with the same bloated face and receding hairline as his dad.
Shelton Benjamin and Bradshaw start out the match. Doug Basham tags in shortly after the match starts. Doug comes in for Bradshaw who wasnt expecting the tag. These Basham guys kind of look like Maven in pleather pants. Haas is tagged in by Benjamin. Haas takes a chinbreaker. Its normally called a jawbreaker, but your chins attached to your jaw I guess - Tazz with a wonderful anatomy lesson for everyone at home. Scotty is in the match now after tagging bald CAW#2. Scotty knocks Haas down and starts popping and locking. These matches with more people than minutes are complete wastes. I hope these guys enjoyed their WM paycheques because I am not enjoying watching them. CAW#1 is in now for Haas. His gets in control of Scotty and tags in the other Basham. Bashem whichever takes an enziguri to the outside now, but his brother tags in while hes falling through the ropes. Scotty gets a tag to rikishi who starts clearing house. Match breaks down and leads to one of the Bashers taking a GOD DAMN Clothesline From Hell. This was the first thing I saw all night, aside from some botches, I really wanted to gif. Rikishi counters a CfH attempt in to a Samoan drop. He then sits on the downed Bashum for the pin. Post match celebration contained a worm and some dancing.
An Edge is coming promo airs.
Jesse Ventura comes out now witha mic in hand. He declares hes gonna interview someone just like he did twenty years ago. His target is Donald Trump. the hair looks great! Jesse asks Donald what WM means to him. Donald says something resembling an answer, I dont pay attention to that self-involved jizzbag. Jesse asks Trump if he has his moral and financial support if he goes back to politics. 100% YES Jesse repeats his wrestler in the White House line from the HoF induction ceremony. Id love to see what shape America would be in with a conspiracy nut like Jesse running things. Secretary of Defense Alex Jones would be a great experiment.
Womens Championship Match
Victoria(c) vs. Molly
If Molly loses this match she has to have her head shaved. Victoria controls the match early, but Molly takes it after delivering a nice clothesline outside the ring. Ill be honest, at this point in the show I was done with trying to keep up with play-by-play. Molly is controlling most of the match by varying between snapmares, suplexes, and holds. Victoria wins this one out of nowhere after she has little offense. The pin comes from a backslide counter to Molly attempting a Widows Peak. Molly loses the match, and her hair momentarily. They are brawling after the match and Molly tries to shave Victoria. Silly Molly, the clippers werent plugged in. Victoria maces her in the eyes with hair spray. Molly gets strapped to the barbers chair. Thank god Brutus is nowhere to be found. Victoria now has control of the clippers and starts to shave Mollys head. Mullet chant.
We cut from that to a promo setting up the Eddie vs. Angle match that is next. We come back from the package to find Molly bald and disgruntled.
Kurt has to walk out to his championship match while a women is being shaved bald 6 feet from him. Stagehands are coming out now to deconstruct the barbers chair while Eddie drives out in his Cadillac low-rider.
WWE Championship match
Eddie Guererro(c) vs. Kurt Angle
No play-by-play for this. I enjoy the match too much to be distracted by writing notes. Its a really solid match and highlights a lot of both guys strengths. It starts out with some good mat wrestling and grappling. Kurt looks like a relentless, vicious bastard the entire match targeting Eddies midsection and trying to wring the life out of him. Eddie is so good at being likeable and goofy outside the ring and believable as a badass inside it. The match seems a little on the short side, but that might have just been because I actually liked it compared to the shit I have been sitting through. Eddie wins with an inside cradle after loosening up his boot so that it slipped off while Angle went for the Ankle Lock. I dont think I cant really say anything about this match that hasnt been said somewhere else before so Im keeping this brief. I miss Eddie and think he had a lot of good wrestling left. Im glad weve got the network now so I can go back and enjoy his WCW work.
Next up is a sibling rivalry.
Kane vs. The Undertaker(?)
The Undertaker is believed to be dead after Kane buried him alive at Survivor Series. Kane has been fighting the idea that the Deadman looms ever since the Royal Rumble. Kane really thinks he killed him and doesnt want to believe Taker will get his revenge. Even though Kane thinks hes dead he still comes out for his match like he normally would. Kane is in the ring when all of a sudden the lights go out
Ohhhhhhh Yessssss its Paul Bearer! He is accompanied out to the ring by druids.
------------------------------------------------GONG-------------------------------------------------------------------
Its Taker! the last time we saw him he was a biker with a tude and now hes in a duster and a top hat. The Deadman is back. This was a pretty boring match mainly used as a way to reintroduce Taker. Considering that I watched their WMXIV match earlier in the week this was a real disappointment. Kane gets in very little offense in what is basically just a brawl. Kane is put away with a tombstone piledriver. After the match Taker does his eye thing to show that the Deadman has truly returned. This was purely padding between the main events. Takers streak was at 12-0 after this one.
World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Match
Triple H(c) vs. Chris Benoit vs. HBK
Benoit won the Royal Rumble to get in this match after he lasted all the way from number 1. HBK has unfinished business with HHH so he kicks Chris Benoit in the face and signs the contract. Just like that hes in the match. The other good match on the card. Of the three good matches two involved Canadians, there is no way that is a coincidence. I didnt like this as much as the Eddie/Kurt match, but Triple Threat matches always follow some tropes that annoy me. Having to shoehorn in spots for guys to go outside always come off overwrought. HHH and HBK go overboard with the bleeding here as well. Chris was definitely the MVP of the match and worked his balls off, showing he could hang with top company guys. Even knowing about what comes in a couple years its hard not to feel good for him when hes celebrating at end of the match, especially when Eddie comes out to hug him.
So that was WMXX. A poorly paced show that felt rushed even at 4:36. It was a marathon of a watch and my ass is sore. It has killed all my hype for WMXXX because I know complete shit awaits us for most of the night. Overall I give the show a C+ with the matches you should watch being:
Chris Jericho vs. Christian
Eddie Guererro vs. Kurt Angle
Triple H vs. HBK vs. Chris Benoit
Maybe watch Lesnar vs Goldberg if you want to see a trainwreck.
Thanks for reading and Ill try and get up some gifs to accompany this in a timely manner.
Perhaps the heat that Shibata has with other influential wrestlers in NJPW is catching up to him. Or maybe they just have something else planned for him. I'm not sure where he goes now, except maybe teaming with Goto to challenge for the tag belts.
I'm hoping for a
Suzuki
No worries.
This event just reached batshit-insane levels.
I don't know what to think anymore.
British Monsoon
Member
Well...that was something. I probably shouldn't have bought the last day of the Cup in advance...$25 to see either
in the final :|
Hopefully it'll exceed my expectations, really can't predict who's winning it now though. Nakamura or Goto, I guess.
Fale or Shelton
Hopefully it'll exceed my expectations, really can't predict who's winning it now though. Nakamura or Goto, I guess.
20 is really when the weird timing of Wrestlemanias was codified. Such a strange pace where there is never any breathing time. There are no opportunities given to soak in what you've seen. It's match over > immediately cut to backstage or celebrity > cut to self fellating video package > hype video > match > repeat. But 20 had my favorite of all the cameos with Gene and Brain in the closet with Mae and Moolah. Hennan was hilarious with that one. Saying Mae's puppies were barking, that he's been sick and his doctor wouldn't want him doing this as she drags him back.
I know Sunny already said it, but doing that review gave me tremendous respect for you. It's hard to watch a show, keep notes, and make the review be entertaining. I definitely couldn't do it at the pace you do. I think I missed a lot while looking down to jot notes, but constantly pausing would have taken way too long.
British Monsoon
Member
Nice, Michinoku Pro's a good promotion, the shows look like a lot of fun live. Especially the Brahmans (the two crazy looking dudes at the front of the poster), their matches are kinda nuts.
I just pull up a wordpad and don't even look at what I'm typing. I fix it later. God DAMN the Taker/Hogan matches in 1991 could not be more boring if they tried.
I wonder if this is his last match?
I hope not - I hope he signs with NJPW again, because I don't want WWE to ruin him.
British Monsoon
Member
Predicting for tomorrow;
.
Fale beats Shelton, Nakamura beats Suzuki, Nakamura beats Fale - which gives us Tanahashi (c) vs Nakamura and Okada (c) vs Fale for Invasion Attack - actually, scratch that. Fale's not getting a title shot, he's still too green. It'll be Nakamura vs Shelton in the final, Nakamura wins giving us Tanahashi (c) vs Nakamura and Okada (c) vs Shelton
After this craziness, I'm going wild with my predictions:
Shelton beats Fale; Nakamura beats Suzuki; Nakamura beats Shelton - Nakamura shocks the NJPW when he challenges Okada for the Heavyweight Championship, leaving Shelton to face Tanahashi for the Intercontinental belt.
This Tuesday in Texas is weird because Hogan blatantly cheats so badly to win that the title is stripped from him. It's weird that he agrees to that finish. I guess they were still building for Hogan/Taker for the title at WM8 by then, but Flair is involved before the Survivor Series match so they would have already known they had to change stuff to account for Flair.
British Monsoon
Member
Lol, holy crap, everyone watch this video;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2tak3beScc
Even you, stro. It has Ric Flair in it.
I'd love that, but I just can't see them
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2tak3beScc
Even you, stro. It has Ric Flair in it.
I'd love that, but I just can't see them
doing Okada vs Nakamura already, as it has to have larger implications for the leadership of CHAOS. Also, I always saw that as a Wrestle Kingdom-calibre match
Mr. Luchador
Member
Did Botchamania ever use Stro's Zandig/WBF mesh ending?
Mr. Luchador
Member
No.
I'll have a word with him we hail from the same town.
British Monsoon
Member
U NO C ME!
Nocturnowl
Member
Is that Cesaro's dad?
Bryan looks like a caveman discovering fire for the first time.
Bryan looks like a caveman discovering fire for the first time.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
That would be too hard brah.
Hey are combining all midcard "feuds" into an over the top rope challenge for fucks sake...
Khrysler Jerikho
Member
Damn forgot that Punk was in WMXXII.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
My god, really sad I read spoilz on the NJ Cup show because of so many upsets. Slept through it, time for the VOD!
Arrowgigantic
Member
I would like to second the request for a link to a clip of the Shield's horses promo.
- Status