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[Iph]

Long distance relationships are miserable and terrible. But like... in this weird, good way. It's nice to know someone cares about you a lot, even if they are states or countries away.

But, fuck distance, man.

I'm in a relationship that, for the rest of our working lives, could be long distance for up to half of the year or more. It has been for this past year. Before we started living together I found it even worse because I wasn't 100% sure where things were going.

Is there a chance the relationship will become more and you two could live together or have more options to see each other? I'm lucky in that 3 months is usually the longest I go without seeing my better half without some kind of together time. Even a week or two together between separations helps. And everyday communication- we usually talk on the phone everyday if possible, even if only briefly, Skype when possible/convenient and text if all else fails. Is this possible in your situation? I find it helped me a lot, along with living together so I knew he was coming home to me eventually.

Taking the "when will we see each other next" anxiety out of the equation made a huge difference with my long distance relationship.

 

[bjork]

Tonight is my last night of vacation and I'm getting super anxious about having to go back there. I'm debating just not going and having them mail me my last checks. This week of not having to deal with that specific place and those specific people has been such a breath of fresh air, the idea of taking that away is making me fidget.

 

[Collete]

Is there a chance the relationship will become more and you two could live together or have more options to see each other? I'm lucky in that 3 months is usually the longest I go without seeing my better half without some kind of together time. Even a week or two together between separations helps. And everyday communication- we usually talk on the phone everyday if possible, even if only briefly, Skype when possible/convenient and text if all else fails. Is this possible in your situation? I find it helped me a lot, along with living together so I knew he was coming home to me eventually.

Taking the "when will we see each other next" anxiety out of the equation made a huge difference with my long distance relationship.

I just want to add/support that at least frequent communication will help keep your relationship afloat.
Also a suggestion, do things together like watch a movie at the same time, play an online game together (highly recommend Borderlands 2 if you're into FPS), read a book together, etc. It helps tremendously if you do stuff together and it helps to get to know your dude a little more.
Just remember, this type of relationship is not going to be "easy" by any means, but at the same time, there is a reason you're doing this and that someone else can't replace that all of a sudden, no matter how close or far they are.
You don't have to explain this reason to us, but I'm sure you're aware of this.

Good luck with this relationship, Cooper, it won't be easy but hopefully it'll be worth it and I give you my well wishes. PM me if ya need further advice about this stuff.

Edit: CRAP
I'm on top of the page....UH...UHHH.....

A lovely painting by N.C Wyeth (I don't know the title of this one unfortunatly)

Wish to have a house something like this one day.

One of my favorite paintings by Henri Rousseau Tiger in a tropical storm

Conan Upgrades His Iphone to the iOS 7

Two People Playing GTA V, but you don't have to like GTA V to enjoy it.

 

[MikeDip]

I don't know why I do this to myself. One of my biggest fears is being arrested/blamed for something I didn't do. I am terrified of jail, etc. So of course, I spent all morning looking up and watching videos of people getting sentenced to ridiculous jail times. Now I'm feeling fucking terrible and jesus christ it feels like my brain is gonna explode

 

[Bagels]

Fall is always a difficult time for me. I think about the two friends I lost, both in their twenties. The last time I saw my friend, Eben, it was in Manhattan, just before Thanksgiving. He was a smoker, and we stayed up all night smoking and drinking and talking. I grew up with parents who smoked and I've always found it a particularly repulsive habit. But every Fall, I'll buy a pack of smokes in a small tribute to my friend, gone almost 10 years now, sit outside, and try to make any kind of sense out of things.

I've been in a particular creative mood, and I found a way to channel some of the pain into a short story for the GAF creative writing community. I went ahead and recorded me reading it because...I don't really know. I just really feel like it needs to be read aloud, which is not at all normal for me.

So here it is - Cloudplay of Canada (9min). I cry every goddamn time I try to read it, but I made it through this take without embarrassing myself too badly.

Here's Eben in Maine

And Eben (covered in bug bites) in the same seat in front of the window.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Sometimes I wonder.....what's the point of living? I hate my anxiety. I hate my life. I hate me.

 

[BigEvilTurtle]

It's hard to feel better when everything around you tries its damned hardest to bring you back down. Fuck everything.

 

[Collete]

Fall is always a difficult time for me. I think about the two friends I lost, both in their twenties. The last time I saw my friend, Eben, it was in Manhattan, just before Thanksgiving. He was a smoker, and we stayed up all night smoking and drinking and talking. I grew up with parents who smoked and I've always found it a particularly repulsive habit. But every Fall, I'll buy a pack of smokes in a small tribute to my friend, gone almost 10 years now, sit outside, and try to make any kind of sense out of things.

I've been in a particular creative mood, and I found a way to channel some of the pain into a short story for the GAF creative writing community. I went ahead and recorded me reading it because...I don't really know. I just really feel like it needs to be read aloud, which is not at all normal for me.

So here it is - Cloudplay of Canada (9min). I cry every goddamn time I try to read it, but I made it through this take without embarrassing myself too badly.

I still remember you telling me about this stuff ages back.
Eben if I remember correctly, was a decent man. Your kid will grow up to a fine adult with that name.
He is still dearly missed even though I didn't know either of your friends all that well.


Today's just been really rough and I'm about ready to give in.
Though I promised someone I'd edit their work before I do anything, so I'm trying to focus on it but...All my mind is on death right now...*sigh*

 

[bjork]

Called and got my schedule for next week, hoping that somehow they'd let me go for no reason. No dice, I'm on there. Got about 24 hours of freedom left, but I can feel nervous pukes already starting. The idea of going back and having a ~35 minute drive there tomorrow to think about how much I want to not go there the entire time, not sure what to do.

 

[wsoxfan1214]

Called and got my schedule for next week, hoping that somehow they'd let me go for no reason. No dice, I'm on there. Got about 24 hours of freedom left, but I can feel nervous pukes already starting. The idea of going back and having a ~35 minute drive there tomorrow to think about how much I want to not go there the entire time, not sure what to do.

Have you ever talked to a doctor about getting something for anxiety? Even a half of a .5 mg pill of xanax in the morning kills any anxiety I have for the entire day. Incredibly cheap with insurance as well.

 

[bjork]

The last time I saw a doctor was for similar circumstances, with chest pains thrown into the mix. I was told, "you should take Benadryl to sleep, the extra rest will help you relax, and you should get a job in the daytime."

I paid money for that visit.

 

[wsoxfan1214]

The last time I saw a doctor was for similar circumstances, with chest pains thrown into the mix. I was told, "you should take Benadryl to sleep, the extra rest will help you relax, and you should get a job in the daytime."

I paid money for that visit.

Yeah, fuck that. Find someone else to give you a second opinion. I had the same stuff happening to me. He gave me a prescription for a generic of xanax and I paid like 1.57 for 30 of them after insurance. Took care of it with a half of one in the morning for a week and then was fine enough to not have to take them anymore after. This far at least.

 

[bjork]

In a way, I feel like the anxiety at least serves as motivation to keep looking for something else. Not that I want to be anxious, but I also don't want to be cool with where my life is atm, because it isn't cool. Gonna just go one day at a time and hope something finally decides to pan out and go my way. Or, I just walk out and sort things out from there without having to worry about that place ever again. We'll see.

 

[whiterabbit]

I drank a liter of Mtn Dew this morning, and my mother doesn't like me to take pills that were not prescribed recently and she moved the bag that has my sleeping pills in it. So I figured, ok, I'll just have some ice cream and stuff. Now I just feel bad, too much sugar and fatty foods. And it's almost 2:30 here. Looks like I need to cut the caffeine out of my diet and try to avoid eating empty calories late at night.

Still have no idea what to do for work. Go figure.

 

[bjork]

I need to cut the caffeine out of my diet and try to avoid eating empty calories late at night.

This is a good idea for all times of the day, really. It's difficult to break those kind of habits though, I'm right there with you.

 

[wsoxfan1214]

In a way, I feel like the anxiety at least serves as motivation to keep looking for something else. Not that I want to be anxious, but I also don't want to be cool with where my life is atm, because it isn't cool. Gonna just go one day at a time and hope something finally decides to pan out and go my way. Or, I just walk out and sort things out from there without having to worry about that place ever again. We'll see.

Don't be like I was and figure "hey, I don't need to take anything."

You'll think more clearly when not on the edge of an anxiety attack all the time. I figured out the problem and cleared it up while calm, not anxious.

I drank a liter of Mtn Dew this morning, and my mother doesn't like me to take pills that were not prescribed recently and she moved the bag that has my sleeping pills in it. So I figured, ok, I'll just have some ice cream and stuff. Now I just feel bad, too much sugar and fatty foods. And it's almost 2:30 here. Looks like I need to cut the caffeine out of my diet and try to avoid eating empty calories late at night.

Still have no idea what to do for work. Go figure.

Cut out caffeine cold turkey after my first anxiety attack two months ago. Never got withdrawals or anything and I was drinking 3-4 Mtn Dews and more at dinner and shit every day. So... It isn't too bad. Believe me.

 

[SaSliXCII]

So i've been getting anxiety attacks over the fear of death and life's uncertainty, whenever i get happy about something, it's instantly ruined when i think about the fact that i don't even know if i'll be alive to experience it or whatever. How uncertain life is, i'm also perpetually scared of going to sleep, ever since i heard of a healthy young girl dying in her sleep, i worry i might suffer the same fate. It's really effecting everything i do, i can't look forward to anything anymore and i get anxious whenever i'm out. I don't know what do

 

[swecide]

I used to document my life in great detail. I kept a diary for a few years with entries every other day but I grew tired of it and haven't written anything in a year. Today I put one of my favorite songs on repeat, sat down and doodled, scribbled and read last years entries for three hours. Reading where I was a year ago made me feel really proud for what I've achieved this year. In the past when I have read old entries they made me feel worse, but not this time. It gave me that little energy boost I needed. I can do this, I will do this. Stop worrying and enjoy the ride.

 

[Flo]

I used to document my life in great detail. I kept a diary for a few years with entries every other day but I grew tired of it and haven't written anything in a year. Today I put one of my favorite songs on repeat, sat down and doodled, scribbled and read last years entries for three hours. Reading where I was a year ago made me feel really proud for what I've achieved this year. In the past when I have read old entries they made me feel worse, but not this time. It gave me that little energy boost I needed. I can do this, I will do this. Stop worrying and enjoy the ride.

Very good! My diary helps me a great deal as well.

 

[Prez]

Does anyone have experience with antipsychotics for social anxiety? I'm already taking Effexor, but my doctor prescribed me Invega (paliperidone) because it's not helping much for my anxiety. I can't find much about Invega other than it's used for the treatment of schizophrenia.

 

[maxxpower]

So i've been getting anxiety attacks over the fear of death and life's uncertainty, whenever i get happy about something, it's instantly ruined when i think about the fact that i don't even know if i'll be alive to experience it or whatever. How uncertain life is, i'm also perpetually scared of going to sleep, ever since i heard of a healthy young girl dying in her sleep, i worry i might suffer the same fate. It's really effecting everything i do, i can't look forward to anything anymore and i get anxious whenever i'm out. I don't know what do

Sounds exactly like what I'm going through, shit sucks.

 

[Xun]

All packed for my solo trip to Berlin (although I'm meeting a couple of people out there).

First time flying by myself, so I'm actually quite nervous. Should hopefully instil some independence and confidence into me though! I just hope I don't get lost...

Trip was great, just wish I was there now. Everyone was so relaxed about life, it was a refreshing place.

Tonight is my last night of vacation and I'm getting super anxious about having to go back there. I'm debating just not going and having them mail me my last checks. This week of not having to deal with that specific place and those specific people has been such a breath of fresh air, the idea of taking that away is making me fidget.

I know that feeling, and I felt it especially last weekend when I returned from my Berlin trip.

My anxiety is kicking in again now that it's Sunday evening. I've not been at all productive this weekend (like all weekends), so that's getting me down a bit. I've not made any progress, and I need a way out of this fucking routined mess. Everyday at work I have to deal with constant beration from my “boss” (a girl who is younger than me, and slightly above me at work), and it's really starting to get me down. The thought of another 5 days of having to deal with that shit is destroying me at the moment. When I was a kid I had such big ambitions, and never in a million years did I imagine my job to be what it is. I'm trying to get out of it, but I'm battling inner demons (like everyone else here) that are holding me back from doing so. I've been at the company for over a year now, and I've noticed it is slowly sapping away all of my energy. I appreciate the money of course, but I'm not happy.

Sorry for ranting (it's all I seem to do here), I just need a place to vent my thoughts. I suppose I partially post in hope for some magical advice that'll help me, but that won't happen.

Anyway here's some music that people may enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X30AroojjFk

 

[heidern]

I'm trying to get out of it, but I'm battling inner demons (like everyone else here) that are holding me back from doing so. I've been at the company for over a year now, and I've noticed it is slowly sapping away all of my energy. I appreciate the money of course, but I'm not happy.

It's easier to get job interviews when you're already in employment. Having over a year of experience working also looks good as it proves you are reliable. The first steps on the career ladder are always the most challenging so it will get easier for you. BTW what's the next trip you're planning to take?

 

[Pau]

Couldn't convince myself to get out of bed until 6 PM. Now trying to tell myself to eat something so I can study for my midterms. Small things like this shouldn't take hours of convincing.

 

[MikeDip]

I used to document my life in great detail. I kept a diary for a few years with entries every other day but I grew tired of it and haven't written anything in a year. Today I put one of my favorite songs on repeat, sat down and doodled, scribbled and read last years entries for three hours. Reading where I was a year ago made me feel really proud for what I've achieved this year. In the past when I have read old entries they made me feel worse, but not this time. It gave me that little energy boost I needed. I can do this, I will do this. Stop worrying and enjoy the ride.

Right on man! :------)!

 

[Femmeworth]

My dad wants me to register for disability services at my university. My psychologist filled out her portion of the paper work, but I don't know if there is much they can do for me. Assuming I even qualify. Anyone here have experience with it?

Couldn't convince myself to get out of bed until 6 PM. Now trying to tell myself to eat something so I can study for my midterms. Small things like this shouldn't take hours of convincing.

I have never had to struggle to get out of bed. Probably the only stereotypical characteristic of depression I don't have.

 

[smokeandmirrors]

I have never had to struggle to get out of bed. Probably the only stereotypical characteristic of depression I don't have.

Yeah. I'll sleep a lot, but I feel like I *have* to get out of bed even if it means moving where I am to somewhere else.

Even in my crummiest of states, I always feel the need to shower otherwise I know I'll feel even worse if I don't.

 

[AcridMeat]

Trip was great, just wish I was there now. Everyone was so relaxed about life, it was a refreshing place.

I know that feeling, and I felt it especially last weekend when I returned from my Berlin trip.

My anxiety is kicking in again now that it's Sunday evening. I've not been at all productive this weekend (like all weekends), so that's getting me down a bit. I've not made any progress, and I need a way out of this fucking routined mess. Everyday at work I have to deal with constant beration from my “boss” (a girl who is younger than me, and slightly above me at work), and it's really starting to get me down. The thought of another 5 days of having to deal with that shit is destroying me at the moment. When I was a kid I had such big ambitions, and never in a million years did I imagine my job to be what it is. I'm trying to get out of it, but I'm battling inner demons (like everyone else here) that are holding me back from doing so. I've been at the company for over a year now, and I've noticed it is slowly sapping away all of my energy. I appreciate the money of course, but I'm not happy.

Sorry for ranting (it's all I seem to do here), I just need a place to vent my thoughts. I suppose I partially post in hope for some magical advice that'll help me, but that won't happen.

Anyway here's some music that people may enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X30AroojjFk

You know my friend is going through the same exact thing right now. Not so much the younger boss, but has been at a job for over a year now, and is hating it more and more week by week.

I'll say what I said to him, though I don't know your exact situation. You're fortunate in that you're young and don't have many responsibilities yet. It is entirely worth looking at other options and especially, taking risks to seek happiness in your career. That goes for life in general as well.

Hell now that I'm back I'm struggling to get my act together to brush up my resume and send out new applications. I just keep buying board games and distracting myself. At least I cleaned (most) of my room, but the last part of it was supposed to be done this weekend and I haven't. Goal is to get it done tomorrow now.

edit: I'm the same way. Get out of bed and especially shower. The later in the day I go without showering the worse I feel. Fortunately for me, and moreso who I live with, I've been adding in at least cleaning up the apartment, doing dishes if I have no plans for the day. If I can add in going on a jog again that would be fantastic.

 

[cajunator]

Bagels, thanks for the twittergram dude. You're awesome and an inspiration to all.

 

[jerry1594]

Hey gaf. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was very young. One of my earliest memories is of being embarrassed for doing a funny dance (I was 2-3). So anyway my mind has always been a bit of an impediment in leading a normal life, but up until the 7th grade I was able to maintain functioning relationships with my friends and family. At that point I went into a deep depression that has consumed my life ever since. I don't have any motivation, sense of accomplishment, I'm almost never happy, I'm always cooped up in my room not wanting to speak to anyone, and I think too much and too fast and do absolutely nothing all day. For a couple of years I've payed half assed visits to a counselors (not sure if they're actual therapists). Not much real progress is made. We shoot the shit for an hour, it's pleasant, and then see you in two weeks. I've pretty much cozied myself up to learned helplessness. I have zero control over my own life, life itself is depressing and I'd much rather not been born.

 

[Bagels]

That's awesome!

So I should just PM you my address?

Forgot to respond
Sure! Does Prax want to send to you? Or if Windam has it, he should send to you.

Sometimes we do theme weeks here in the mental health thread to brighten things up a bit. Cajunator got me thinking that I've moved a lot of my random silliness and cheerleading to twitter - you can follow me for my artisanal, hand-written tweetograms, executed in my girlie handwriting; drawings; songs; videos; sappiness; short stories; essays; etc. I'm finding the creative process extremely therapeutic - GAF creative writing community in particular (head over there and try it out! I think there's a break for NaNoWriMo, but there will be a new theme before you know it. They could not be a friendlier, kinder, more supportive and helpful bunch, and it gives you awesome stuff to read!), but also drawing, and trying to learn to play guitar, and whatever else pops into my head as a way to deal with my crap/help other people feel a bit better.

Right, so you can gain direct access to my brain by following me - atJohanHeat.

Got a bit off topic. So THEME WEEK! I've never thought that I had any great surplus of artistic talent in any media, but, and not to toot my own horn, I've found that I have a real gift for photography. More specifically, for photographing my cat on my head. I'd like to hereby declare this "Pictures of Cats (or whatever else seems inappropriate) On Your Head Week." There will even by a prize for the finest example, as decided by everyone.

A word of warning - if you call my cat, Sunny, aka "The Princess," fat, I will murder you. Her normal fluffiness expands exponentially as the temperature drops. There isn't actually a whole lot of cat in there, beneath all the fuzz.

 

[Femmeworth]

I have a date tonight, yet I feel so fucking depressed. Kind of want to cry, but I don't have enough emotion even for that.

 

[AFollowerNotALeader]

Today has been pretty rough. I was off work the tail end of last week with food poisoning so today was my first day back.

The trains have been totally messed up all day which means I was late in and am now waiting in Charing Cross for Southeastern to deign to run a train home.

My stomach is still iffy, and I'm weak from not eating properly for the last five days.

I had a really OCD day for various reasons (SSL problems, some site trying to slip me an .exe) which means I've had two distinct proper panic attacks and a background of stress all day.

My boss has dumped extra work on me for Wed/Thurs.

The weather is terrible.

I was so happy to be well enough to go to work this morning and now I wish I'd died.

EDIT - And our union is going on strike on Halloween. What the hell? I feel guilty for feeling too tired to care about the things they are striking about.

 

[Femmeworth]

I seem to be feeling better. I don't know what the fuck is going on with my brain. I'm half tempted to play with the dosage of my anti-depressant.

Edit: More than half tempted. I don't see my psychiatrist for another week, but I need help now.

 

[Collete]

Got a bit off topic. So THEME WEEK! I've never thought that I had any great surplus of artistic talent in any media, but, and not to toot my own horn, I've found that I have a real gift for photography. More specifically, for photographing my cat on my head. I'd like to hereby declare this "Pictures of Cats (or whatever else seems inappropriate) On Your Head Week." There will even by a prize for the finest example, as decided by everyone.

.

My cat's too big to go on my head...He won't even let me pick him up. What then?

 

[Agent Cooper]

i can't take my meds anymore but i'm scared of withdrawl stuff i wasn't taking it that long tho

 

[Bagels]

My cat's too big to go on my head...He won't even let me pick him up. What then?

Creativity!

Example: putting things on your cat's head.

 

[cajunator]

My cat's too big to go on my head...He won't even let me pick him up. What then?

*jumps up on Collete's head and curls up

nyan squeee~

 

[Collete]

*jumps up on Collete's head and curls up

nyan squeee~

You're too heavy to get on my head!
*passes out*

 

[Wilsongt]

Well, back from my cruise and a (strange) ban.

What a lonely week that was...

 

[cajunator]

You're too heavy to get on my head!
*passes out*

for a human Im not too heavy.
for an alien I weight just right!

 

[ClassyPenguin]

i can't take my meds anymore but i'm scared of withdrawl stuff i wasn't taking it that long tho

Sounds like you already have the withdrawal symptoms without withdrawal so, you're already dead.

 

[Collete]

for a human Im not too heavy.
for an alien I weight just right!

You have no idea how frail of a woman I really am lol.
I struggle to lift a gallon of milk, ffs.

 

[cajunator]

You have no idea how frail of a woman I really am lol.
I struggle to lift a gallon of milk, ffs.

I weigh 113 pounds. You can see my ribcage lol. Im tinyyyyyy.
But It means I can be bouncy and stuff!

 

[kiyomi]

yo bagels yo cat is phat

 

[cajunator]

yo bagels yo cat is phat

Squeeee~

*waves at Mono

 

[Bagels]

Some things you do
Just to see how bad they'll make you feel

This here album track, anyway, is called "Cry for Judas," it is about survival but that's kind of an oversimplification, it's also about building a vehicle from the defeated pieces of the thing you survived and piloting that vehicle through the cosmos, it's kind of complicated but people who know what I'm talking about will kind of intuitively get the idea and the rest of you will I hope be able to get a sense of it through the song.
-John Darnielle

 

[Tenrius]

I'm a bit worried as someone posted in my thread about college experiences and he/she sounds utterly depressed:

I was a poor kid and everybody was rich so we had nothing to talk about as I had spent my last 6 years working grueling dishwashing jobs that had killed my social life and any optimism I had.

I had to work another job while in school just to be able to eat and so i was getting 3 hrs. of sleep a week day and my grades were shit.

I faced a test that I had to pass in order to be able to move on and I failed after none of the teachers were willing to stick their neck out for me even though I asked; they wanted to keep their rate of failure I guess.

When going into my final class they asked what I wanted to do in the future and I said "I just want to make it to 28 cause I know I'm going home to the same min. wage jobs that nearly killed me before but with 30,000 in debt now so I'll probably be forced into the streets if I don't want to commit suicide from being treated like shit day in and day out." So they kicked me out until I was mentally evaluated and no psychologist will let me back due to the stress of the environment I was in.

So my prophecy is now playing out, I wrote a book but nothing will come of it, so now I'm just waiting to be arrested, but I actually plan on killing myself before the coppers take me away because I don't deserve a worse hell than this.

College was good for a while though, I felt like things were going to get btter for me for a little while... man.

Maybe someone could PM him or something? I don't know, it's just upsetting.

 

[Bagels]

I'm a bit worried as someone posted in my thread about college experiences and he/she sounds utterly depressed:



Maybe someone could PM him or something? I don't know, it's just upsetting.

Well, if that's your thread, and you noticed it, I'd say it would mean the most coming from you. Invite him over here and we'll see if we can help.

 

[DJ Lushious]

I struggle to lift a gallon of milk, ffs.

Best to purchase quarts only, then.