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[Bounceounce]

Wow I've became homeless much quicker than I expected.
Only downhill from here.

 

[half a moon]

Wow I've became homeless much quicker than I expected.
Only downhill from here.

What happened?

 

[Pamplemousse]

Had to partner up in class, and no one near me would be my partner. I just had to sit there awkwardly alone. I guess I'm too repulsive to have as a partner. People literally went out of their way to avoid me.

I'd cry about it, but I'm too dead inside to care anymore.

 

[neojubei]

Had to partner up in class, and no one near me would be my partner. I just had to sit there awkwardly alone. I guess I'm too repulsive to have as a partner. People literally went out of their way to avoid me.

I'd cry about it, but I'm too dead inside to care anymore.

ive have had the same experience.

 

[redlegs87]

The way things are going now financially for me is really relieving the tremendous amount of stress that it put on me. I feel like I can finally breath again and enjoy my life. I can finally start saving up money and helping those I love. I know it sounds like I am tying my happiness to money and I don't mean to it was really my mother and her situation that did it now that I have her sorted out I have no worries and can focus on myself and not on them.

 

[DyslexicAlucard]

I've been putting off posting in this thread for a while now, but I think now is a good time.

I was diagnosed with major depression for the second time three years ago, meaning that I'll be on meds for the rest of my life. While this was hard news to take, I've since accepted it as any other illness.

Over the last few years, I feel that I've been making some positive strides: after having to step down from my position as a newspaper editor following my second breakdown, I was out of work for a year. This forced me to move home with my parents at the age of 27, which only further depressed me.

It's a couple of years later and I've come out as bi-sexual, am working again (though "only" at a supermarket bakery) and I'm back in school to finish my English degree. So yay!

But a couple of weeks ago my fiance and I ended out two-year long distance relationship. It was mutual at the time, although I've since expressed regret about it. We had problems, but I don't see them as irreparable. He disagrees, and I have to respect that.

However, since then I've gone back to many of my depressive habits: I eat poorly and irregularly, and sleep just as bad; I can't focus on schoolwork, or put it off entirely. I have trouble enjoying my favourite pastimes anymore, and instead just lie down or sit at the computer doing nothing for hours on end.

Then, on top of my school being affected, I'm not making enough at work (only PT) to pay for my schooling (on top of gas, insurance, student loans, and medication,) meaning I'm going to have to ask my grandma for some money to help out. It's just going to make me feel like even more of a leech than I already am as a 30-year-old living in his parents' basement.

And now I'm having issues at work to top it off, as my boss is unfairly criticizing my work and not being sensitive to the fact that I work an hour less each day than other closers because of school, work the busier days (ie weekends,) get left others' work to finish etc.. It's not worth getting too far into, but suffice it to say the timing is poor.

TL;DR, I feel like my life is crumbling. I know that a symptom of depression is a feeling of hopelessness -- that there's no light at the end of the tunnel -- but I honestly feel like I'll never get out of this. Everything is turning to dust and I've lost almost all motivation to try to turn it around. There's just too much to fix.

I don't know how you can help, honestly. I think I just needed to rant to *someone.*

 

[Sectorseven]

Over the last few years, I feel that I've been making some positive strides: after having to step down from my position as a newspaper editor following my second breakdown, I was out of work for a year. This forced me to move home with my parents at the age of 27, which only further depressed me.

What caused your breakdowns?

 

[DyslexicAlucard]

What caused your breakdowns?

A lot of stressors, especially when it came to work. I was the only editor at the paper, with just a couple of freelancers and myself filling it with content every week. It was a lot of work, and after a couple of years I just broke down and couldn't will myself to do it (or anything) anymore.

Also, since I posted last time a crown on the front of my mouth has fallen out. I now have a big gap in my smile.

When it rains, it really pours.

 

[mreddie]

One brother went to Disneyland, other 2 went camping, mom went to her friends and dad is at work who earlier this week yelled at me only because I was answering a text. Also called me a gay fat guy. I'm breaking apart.

I never felt so alone since...last week.

 

[toadsworth]

The way things are going now financially for me is really relieving the tremendous amount of stress that it put on me. I feel like I can finally breath again and enjoy my life. I can finally start saving up money and helping those I love. I know it sounds like I am tying my happiness to money and I don't mean to it was really my mother and her situation that did it now that I have her sorted out I have no worries and can focus on myself and not on them.

Glad to hear you are doing well! Unfortunately financial health can be tied to mental health in pretty detrimental ways. The extra stress always hurts.

 

[Astral Dog]

I've been putting off posting in this thread for a while now, but I think now is a good time.

Rant all you want we are here to listen,shame about your relationship but things get weird long distance, something special was going on if you lasted two years like that,
but dont get sad see this as a chance to meet new people, someone that will be close to you.

Had to partner up in class, and no one near me would be my partner. I just had to sit there awkwardly alone. I guess I'm too repulsive to have as a partner. People literally went out of their way to avoid me.

I'd cry about it, but I'm too dead inside to care anymore.

No i dont think people go out of their way to avoid you Pample, show them you are smart and funny and a likeable person to be around they will come in no time.
And never take class work so seriously, even less as a way to think you are repulsive.

One brother went to Disneyland, other 2 went camping, mom went to her friends and dad is at work who earlier this week yelled at me only because I was answering a text. Also called me a gay fat guy. I'm breaking apart.

I never felt so alone since...last week.

Do you feel lonely because your brothers arent at home? how is the relationship with your family?

 

[mreddie]

Do you feel lonely because your brothers arent at home? how is the relationship with your family?

Splintered, I only talk to mom more but even that is going away

 

[Pamplemousse]

No i dont think people go out of their way to avoid you Pample, show them you are smart and funny and a likeable person to be around they will come in no time. And never take class work so seriously, even less as a way to think you are repulsive.

Thanks, Subby. I hope all is well with you.

 

[Dipper145]

I have terrible social anxiety and depression that I'm on a whole whack of medication for, along with weekly psychiatrist appointments (thank god for my Universities health care)

Anyway, I voluntarily answered a teachers question in my class on Friday for the first time ever possibly? No one ever answers him and I felt I knew the answer. Of course, I was wrong. I still don't fully understand, but I knew the answer he was looking for so corrected myself. I felt kind of silly afterwards being wrong, but kind of proud that I tried.

5 minutes later... Several other people raise their hand asking why my original answer wasn't correct. He tried to explain to them for a few minutes, and when that didn't work looked at me and asked me to elaborate. I said a short few words trying to explain it. He then tried to explain it more and lots of people were still confused. As class ended a couple people nearby turned to me to ask if I could explain why it was the second answer, and I just kind of laughed and said that I knew there were only two options mathematically, and if my first was wrong, it had to be the second. We had a short talk afterwards about why it was so confusing, and we all had the same (apparently mis-)understanding on why it should have been my original answer.

Felt good about myself afterwards, doing something I'd never normally consider doing, and knowing that I wasn't the only one who got super confused when I was wrong.

I've also managed to find groups and go to group meetings for all my projects that are required by using the course provided discussion boards. I might actually graduate next semester if I keep on top of my anxiety, and keep going to group stuff (as that is really all that is left).

 

[Sectorseven]

I have terrible social anxiety and depression that I'm on a whole whack of medication for, along with weekly psychiatrist appointments (thank god for my Universities health care)

Anyway, I voluntarily answered a teachers question in my class on Friday for the first time ever possibly? No one ever answers him and I felt I knew the answer. Of course, I was wrong. I still don't fully understand, but I knew the answer he was looking for so corrected myself. I felt kind of silly afterwards being wrong, but kind of proud that I tried.

5 minutes later... Several other people raise their hand asking why my original answer wasn't correct. He tried to explain to them for a few minutes, and when that didn't work looked at me and asked me to elaborate. I said a short few words trying to explain it. He then tried to explain it more and lots of people were still confused. As class ended a couple people nearby turned to me to ask if I could explain why it was the second answer, and I just kind of laughed and said that I knew there were only two options mathematically, and if my first was wrong, it had to be the second. We had a short talk afterwards about why it was so confusing, and we all had the same (apparently mis-)understanding on why it should have been my original answer.

Felt good about myself afterwards, doing something I'd never normally consider doing, and knowing that I wasn't the only one who got super confused when I was wrong.

I've also managed to find groups and go to group meetings for all my projects that are required by using the course provided discussion boards. I might actually graduate next semester if I keep on top of my anxiety, and keep going to group stuff (as that is really all that is left).

Good for you. Exposure really is the best treatment.

 

[Astral Dog]

Splintered, I only talk to mom more but even that is going away

Not a good sign when deep family issues could be the cause of loneliness and depression, i hope you find professional help soon.

Thanks, Subby. I hope all is well with you.

just dont let your depression say what to think of yourself or what others think, believe me i struggled with finding teams to work on school and a lot of anxiety for years,and thats something that never truly left, but you have the capacity to overcome those feelings and might be surprised how people respond.

thank you im just trying to walk ahead without looking back or stumbling anymore , and maybe someday things will change for the better

 

[Mr. F]

I'm losing friends faster than I can make them and feel horribly, cripplingly without prospects in any areas in life. Overwhelming feelings of depression and anxiety are outpacing therapy and its coping tools. I feel at the end of my rope, my birthday is in a week and a half and I can't bear to think of another year.

 

[Heckler456]

Hey man, I can relate to a lot of what your post describes and I'm sorry to hear how rough you've been feeling.

I worked at a call centre from July 2014 to August 2015 and while it was inbound call based rather than outbound, I think I can imagine fairly accurately what you mean when you describe your fears, anxieties and lack of enthusiasm. I didn't believe I had the skillset to perform that kind of work either (especially considering I was socially isolated for a year leading up to starting there) but you might be surprised at how quickly you pick things up, even if you are still faking it at the end of the day. I believed I was terrible for the majority of my time there, to the point that I'd hang up on at least a few customers everyday out of dread, despite being told in every meeting with my manager that I was one of the highest performing agents. What I'm trying to say is, you're not alone. You may look at some of your co-workers and get the impression they are completely comfortable, but I'm sure many of them have their doubts too.

I had a breakdown one morning and physically couldn't allow myself to put on my headset. I was sent home, saw a doctor, got time off and was prescribed anti-depressants. Not too long after returning, I handed in my notice as the time away clarified that I couldn't continue. The problem was, by the time the effects of my medication properly kicked in, I was actually starting to become oddly comfortable there. I was getting along with colleagues I'd known for nearly a year and had barely said a word to. I eventually did leave and I've since spent the last 14 months unemployed and once again socially isolated.

I know this post is just a lot of talking about myself, sorry, but due to the similarities in our situations I feel like I at least have some context for my recommendation that you take your anti-depressants and at least wait for those to do their thing (or not) before making any final decisions. It sounds like you've only recently begun working there so I think you should give it a bit more of a chance. I'm not saying you may love the job in a month or two because, let's be honest, you probably won't, but I know that I felt terrible immediately after my last day and over a year later I'm still stuck in a rut.

Now, of course, only you know the full extent of your circumstances and mental state. If it's so dire that you genuinely feel a degradation in your mood day-to-day caused directly by the role and can afford to survive without the job for the time being, then yes, perhaps leaving will be the healthier option in the long run. If you desperately need this job though, I would at least try and stick it out until you know whether your medication is helping or not. You can always search for another job while you're employed there, even if that is the last thing you want to do after a day spent working. Does your manager know that you had the last two days off because of these breakdowns? Is it possible for them to provide more support or help ease you back into the job by only having you on the phone for half the day while you do other work for the rest?

My biggest concern for you, based on my own problems, is that leaving will end up putting you back into a rut similar to the one you said you were in for a long time prior to getting this job. I hope you found something of value in this post but the decision is up to in the end and I don't think anyone should blame you for leaving if it really does make you feel awful. Wishing for all the best for you, man.

Hey, thanks for your reply.

So, I managed to slog through another week of my call center job, and I decided that I'll probably be quitting tomorrow, after some very hard deliberation over the weekend. Falling into the same rut/feeling like I'm leaving because of the difficulty of the path I have to take to actually improve definitely kept me trying, but at this point I'm kind of absolutely convinced it's just too much. At least I think I am...

It's just too much all at once. I'm 100% aware of everyone around me and the way I'm acting towards them all day long, and me being sat at a single island of desks with 9 other colleagues doesn't make that any easier. The sales people make and my failure to make any are publicly displayed on a big board. Suppressing my nervousness is a constant battle, making sounding enthusiastic and happy while selling people bullshit instead of depressed and bitter a real difficulty, if not straight up impossible. And to make matters worse, the person coaching me tends to either hang over my shoulder for dozens of minutes on end, heightening my anxiety; or hanging over my shoulder while rattling the back of my deskchair while talking with other people for over an hour, which is just worse than the previous thing.

I shouldn't feel bad about quitting at this point, right? I feel as if I should be feeling bad, but surely these are legitimate reasons to try to find something else? I feel like I need someone else to tell me that I'm making the right decision here. I know that the best case scenario would have been to stick this out until they throw me to the curb themselves because of my poor performance, but surely I can't expect "best case scenario" from myself when before this job, I had been a complete social recluse for literally years?

 

[A Human Becoming]

After having a panic attack yesterday doing some political canvassing I cannot do it anymore. I did it for months during the primaries, but it's too much for me now. Seeing as I don't have a job I can't contribute monetarily either. Feels like I'm locked out.

 

[GaijinZero]

I live in Japan, married for 15 years but spent 8 of those locked up in my room, unable to function or go out into society. That time sent me to the top of the GS leaderboards, but looking back, it feels wasted. 2 years ago I met a lady who was in a similar situation as me, broken, had a history, couldn't go out, and we helped each other. She drew me out of my shell, I saved her from her darkness. I've since divorced.

Recently I've tried to make a go of it, I've opened an english school and have had moderate success. I'm working 7 days a week, mostly in fear of sliding backwards if i stop. I still see her from time to time, and want nothing more than a relationship with her, but she seems incapable of doing so. She still lives in the past, and cant think of a future.

I dont really have any friends here and can't really open up to anyone. My family is thousands of miles away, and all I want to do is cry. I need someone in my life I can talk to. I'm drinking every night as a means of going to sleep, and taking anti-depressants during the day. Not sure how much longer I can keep up the charade before it all comes crashing down.

I dont know what to do, or who to talk to. Language is a problem.

 

[Captainbojanglesiii]

I'm beginning to become worried about my borderline-alcoholic friend I've mentioned here before. I believe he's continued to ramp up the liquor (vodka), and the number of times he's been doing it.

In addition he has a tendency to get overly-attached to any woman he comes into contact with. Yesterday he had a girl over to his dorm drinking with him, and he related to her very personally. So, you know he plans on going over the top talking with her way too personally, and that's rather concerning. They're meeting up for dinner tomorrow, and he really wants to message her to meet her now, and I'm trying to convince him not to do so because it might drive her off.

The inevitable downfall of these interactions is going to leave him in a dark place, and I've essentially become his therapist, so I'm a bit on edge to get a phone call at any time. It's rough.

 

[Jonogunn]

 

[Astral Dog]

Whats happening

 

[Wvrs]

I've been taking Zoloft (sertraline) for two weeks now and I feel like absolute shite. I'm constantly exhausted, my sleep is shot through, I wake up in cold sweats. Mentally, my anxiety hasn't been this bad in a very long time; the other night I was working a shift behind the bar and had to go home because the noise and volume of people made me feel like I was about to have a panic attack.

I can't concentrate on my University work, have barely been socialising or leaving the house, and feel about five times worse than I did before.

I'm supposed to be meeting with my doctor today to renew the prescription and talk about how it's going, seriously considering just saying I want to come off it because this is horrible.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I've been up for several hours wondering - "What's the point of living if I never get to be happy?" I can't stand existence much longer. I've already missed out on my entire life and there's no improvement in sight. Why is suicide irrational in this scenario?

 

[SugarDave]

Hey, thanks for your reply.

So, I managed to slog through another week of my call center job, and I decided that I'll probably be quitting tomorrow, after some very hard deliberation over the weekend. Falling into the same rut/feeling like I'm leaving because of the difficulty of the path I have to take to actually improve definitely kept me trying, but at this point I'm kind of absolutely convinced it's just too much. At least I think I am...

It's just too much all at once. I'm 100% aware of everyone around me and the way I'm acting towards them all day long, and me being sat at a single island of desks with 9 other colleagues doesn't make that any easier. The sales people make and my failure to make any are publicly displayed on a big board. Suppressing my nervousness is a constant battle, making sounding enthusiastic and happy while selling people bullshit instead of depressed and bitter a real difficulty, if not straight up impossible. And to make matters worse, the person coaching me tends to either hang over my shoulder for dozens of minutes on end, heightening my anxiety; or hanging over my shoulder while rattling the back of my deskchair while talking with other people for over an hour, which is just worse than the previous thing.

I shouldn't feel bad about quitting at this point, right? I feel as if I should be feeling bad, but surely these are legitimate reasons to try to find something else? I feel like I need someone else to tell me that I'm making the right decision here. I know that the best case scenario would have been to stick this out until they throw me to the curb themselves because of my poor performance, but surely I can't expect "best case scenario" from myself when before this job, I had been a complete social recluse for literally years?

It's alright, man. I'm not just telling you what you want to hear when I say based on what you posted in the second paragraph, the job doesn't sound particularly helpful for the issues you suffer from. That sales display board sounds so dumb, it's just as likely to discourage those at the bottom as it is to motivate the people already at the top. You stuck it out for a week longer than you wanted to and that's a success in itself, whether you feel like it is or not. Don't feel bad about leaving, other avenues will open up to you.

Speaking of call centre work, I had a phone interview for Admiral Insurance this morning that was successful. I could feel my voice becoming very shaky at certain points and found myself rapidly speaking but I guess my prior customer service experience was enough to carry me through. I now have to go to a meet and greet event next week that will end with a face-to-face interview. I'm going through a familiar feeling now where as soon as I get within reach of becoming employed, I instantly no longer want the job. I'm very nervous and despite Admiral consistently having a reputation as being one of the best places to work in the UK, the thought of returning to a call centre role fills me with dread.

Part of me really wants to cancel the whole thing.

 

[Bennettt2]

I've been up for several hours wondering - "What's the point of living if I never get to be happy?" I can't stand existence much longer. I've already missed out on my entire life and there's no improvement in sight. Why is suicide irrational in this scenario?

I sometimes wonder the same thing. However, a long time ago, I would tell myself that if I ever contemplate suicide, I would go all out, no holds barred, on all the things that would bring meaning into my life. I have yet to reach that desperate stage, and am still sort of in philosophical limbo, but it's something to think about if you're ever on the verge of harming yourself.

 

[Pamplemousse]

A lot of people wind up suicidal because they can't find any meaning in their lives. Finding meaning in our society now is pretty tough honestly.

I don't think suicide is always irrational. For the vast majority of people who do it, yes, I would say it is because the majority of those who do it do it for temporary problems or a stressor that pops up. Another segment in this camp would be people who do it because of a condition where psychosis is present, and they can't think clearly about anything.

However, this leaves some number, who knows how many, who do so because of tangible lifelong problems, people like me. Unlike people in the irrational camp, they can name their problems, which are pervasive and cannot be changed. All you can do for these people is try to give them coping mechanisms to deal with their perpetual misery, but why should they have to keep suffering? If for these people, things really can't get better, and, indeed they haven't after years, I don't see why they should be forced to live.

Then there's the false assumption that underlies psychiatry in general which is an assumption that you should be happy. If you're unhappy, it must be a problem with your brain chemistry, they say, because you apparently should be happy with the world the way it is. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the world is utter shit. Should you be happy with the world the way it is? Do we live the best possible way of life? Is what we do now the pinnacle of existence?

The answer is obvious and destroys that basic assumption that something is wrong with you. You aren't wrong for being unhappy. You would only be wrong if we were living truly fulfing, beautiful lives, but we're not.

 

[Sectorseven]

I live in Japan, married for 15 years but spent 8 of those locked up in my room, unable to function or go out into society. That time sent me to the top of the GS leaderboards, but looking back, it feels wasted. 2 years ago I met a lady who was in a similar situation as me, broken, had a history, couldn't go out, and we helped each other. She drew me out of my shell, I saved her from her darkness. I've since divorced.

Recently I've tried to make a go of it, I've opened an english school and have had moderate success. I'm working 7 days a week, mostly in fear of sliding backwards if i stop. I still see her from time to time, and want nothing more than a relationship with her, but she seems incapable of doing so. She still lives in the past, and cant think of a future.

I dont really have any friends here and can't really open up to anyone. My family is thousands of miles away, and all I want to do is cry. I need someone in my life I can talk to. I'm drinking every night as a means of going to sleep, and taking anti-depressants during the day. Not sure how much longer I can keep up the charade before it all comes crashing down.

I dont know what to do, or who to talk to. Language is a problem.

As a rule of thumb, don't date women with more problems than you. I know mental health is still really taboo over there, maybe start by finding some general social groups or meeting places for foreigners. You should also try to find volunteer work.

Also, this probably doesn't mean much, but the fact you live in Japan sounds pretty awesome to me.

 

[Bennettt2]

A lot of people wind up suicidal because they can't find any meaning in their lives. Finding meaning in our society now is pretty tough honestly.

I don't think suicide is always irrational. For the vast majority of people who do it, yes, I would say it is because the majority of those who do it do it for temporary problems or a stressor that pops up. Another segment in this camp would be people who do it because of a condition where psychosis is present, and they can't think clearly about anything.

However, this leaves some number, who knows how many, who do so because of tangible lifelong problems, people like me. Unlike people in the irrational camp, they can name their problems, which are pervasive and cannot be changed. All you can do for these people is try to give them coping mechanisms to deal with their perpetual misery, but why should they have to keep suffering? If for these people, things really can't get better, and, indeed they haven't after years, I don't see why they should be forced to live.

Then there's the false assumption that underlies psychiatry in general which is an assumption that you should be happy. If you're unhappy, it must be a problem with your brain chemistry, they say, because you apparently should be happy with the world the way it is. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the world is utter shit. Should you be happy with the world the way it is? Do we live the best possible way of life? Is what we do now the pinnacle of existence?

The answer is obvious and destroys that basic assumption that something is wrong with you. You aren't wrong for being unhappy. You would only be wrong if we were living truly fulfing, beautiful lives, but we're not.

That's a good point - there's nothing wrong with you if you aren't happy. Could spell relief for many.

On your point about tangible problems that cannot be changed...could you be more specific? What kind of problems are they?

 

[User 479360]

I stopped taking my meds cold turkey, honestly just because I kept falling asleep without taking them. I'd get really tired while watching TV, turn over and pass out. I should have remembered to take them whenever I'd wake up, but I didn't.

I've been meaning to start again, but I wonder what the point is. I was taking this generic Prozac (Fluoxetine?) for months and it did nothing for me, just like it did nothing the first time I tried it. Even four pills a day didn't.

I still feel the same: tired, depressed, lonely, full of grief and suicidal. All I can think about are the same several things: how much I miss my Mom, how much my life has been wasted and will be pointless, lack of a real income, how bad my Internet is and that I can't do anything about it (seriously, almost 24/7) and dust getting into my electronics.

That's pretty much all I think about, or can think about. Thinking about buying things helps, but I'm trying to get rid of this shopping addiction.

I guess I'll just pass on the pills. What's the point?

Is it possible that anti-depressants just don't work on me? I've tried many.

As for seeing the doctor again: I saw her September 1. She said to book an appointment for 3 months down the road, or so. But when I walked out, the receptionists had gone home for the day and I couldn't. I keep forgetting to call.

Really, though, she doesn't help me.

 

[Beefy]

Had a pretty bad few months. Found out my cousin who is only 36 is dying of cancer. He is like a brother to me, so to say this has effected my mental health issues is a understatement. Add to that I can't find a job, I am glad I have therapy again next week.

 

[Sectorseven]

I stopped taking my meds cold turkey, honestly just because I kept falling asleep without taking them. I'd get really tired while watching TV, turn over and pass out. I should have remembered to take them whenever I'd wake up, but I didn't.

I've been meaning to start again, but I wonder what the point is. I was taking this generic Prozac (Fluoxetine?) for months and it did nothing for me, just like it did nothing the first time I tried it. Even four pills a day didn't.

I still feel the same: tired, depressed, lonely, full of grief and suicidal. All I can think about are the same several things: how much I miss my Mom, how much my life has been wasted and will be pointless, lack of a real income, how bad my Internet is and that I can't do anything about it (seriously, almost 24/7) and dust getting into my electronics.

That's pretty much all I think about, or can think about. Thinking about buying things helps, but I'm trying to get rid of this shopping addiction.

I guess I'll just pass on the pills. What's the point?

Is it possible that anti-depressants just don't work on me? I've tried many.

As for seeing the doctor again: I saw her September 1. She said to book an appointment for 3 months down the road, or so. But when I walked out, the receptionists had gone home for the day and I couldn't. I keep forgetting to call.

Really, though, she doesn't help me.

Well you're not taking them consistently so that may be a problem, but anti-depressants not working in general is also a real possibility.

Have you done any volunteer work? I know it sounds cliche and maybe even counter-intuitive, but you really should try dwelling less on yourself and looking outward. Helping others will in turn make you feel better about yourself. It could also open doors to employment.

 

[User 479360]

Well you're not taking them consistently so that may be a problem, but anti-depressants not working in general is also a real possibility.

Have you done any volunteer work? I know it sounds cliche and maybe even counter-intuitive, but you really should try dwelling less on yourself and looking outward. Helping others will in turn make you feel better about yourself. It could also open doors to employment.

I've done charity stuff, like walks and such. But, no, I haven't really volunteered as of late.

I do dwell on things and myself too much. I just lack energy and motivation most days.

I was taking them pretty regularly for a while.

 

[neojubei]

Totally my mood right now. Tired of looking and feeling like a huge monster in this world. Best thing i can do for myself and family is to die. they get the life insurance and whatevers in my 401k and i get to not feel and look like a monster anymore. fair trade.

 

[Jonogunn]

Had a pretty bad few months. Found out my cousin who is only 36 is dying of cancer. He is like a brother to me, so to say this has effected my mental health issues is a understatement. Add to that I can't find a job, I am glad I have therapy again next week.

I can't imagine how that feels I'm sorry bro

 

[Magnus]

Doc wants me to try 5mg daily of Cipralex. Terrified of what it'll do to me. Suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It honestly can't get much worse...so maybe the side effects are worth it.

 

[Pamplemousse]

Totally my mood right now. Tired of looking and feeling like a huge monster in this world. Best thing i can do for myself and family is to die. they get the life insurance and whatevers in my 401k and i get to not feel and look like a monster anymore. fair trade.

My Dad will get a big pay out when I'm gone, that is, if he took out the policy two or more years ago.

 

[Sectorseven]

Doc wants me to try 5mg daily of Cipralex. Terrified of what it'll do to me. Suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It honestly can't get much worse...so maybe the side effects are worth it.

Maybe this is a dumb suggestion, but have you considered just learning to tolerate the anxiety? Maybe it will in turn subside somewhat.

 

[Magnus]

Maybe this is a dumb suggestion, but have you considered just learning to tolerate the anxiety? Maybe it will in turn subside somewhat.

It's severely life-altering. I live in a state of constant mild tension that occasionally spikes into crippling panic attacks. I've left a toxic workplace and dipped the constant tension, but still experience the panics every other day. I've tried tolerating and managing it for six months and haven't made a ton of progress with CBT alone. The psych wants me to try this low dose now and see how I feel.

Anxiety/panic disrupt everything. Your mind is scattered, unfocused, incapable of performing well while panicking, etc. To say it's affected my personal, professional and romantic life is an understatement - it's ravaged them. Temporarily. My partner is awesome though and is standing by me through this.

 

[Astral Dog]

I've been up for several hours wondering - "What's the point of living if I never get to be happy?" I can't stand existence much longer. I've already missed out on my entire life and there's no improvement in sight. Why is suicide irrational in this scenario?

Im not sure suicide is irrational, in fact i say it is pretty rational, ( depending on the circumstance) suicide is such a Taboo in society that sometimes, instead of helping each other to feel a bit better and dont give up we push each other to feel worse about themselves, even when not intentionally.

I can only say whatever problem you have you need to try every option before considering doing that, as grim as life looks right now you can find happiness on this world. try helping others, cut toxic relationships,go to teraphy, focus on the present,put yourself first.never too late to do this.

You might not get everything you want but will feel better and thats very important.

 

[Sectorseven]

It's severely life-altering. I live in a state of constant mild tension that occasionally spikes into crippling panic attacks. I've left a toxic workplace and dipped the constant tension, but still experience the panics every other day. I've tried tolerating and managing it for six months and haven't made a ton of progress with CBT alone. The psych wants me to try this low dose now and see how I feel.

Anxiety/panic disrupt everything. Your mind is scattered, unfocused, incapable of performing well while panicking, etc. To say it's affected my personal, professional and romantic life is an understatement - it's ravaged them. Temporarily. My partner is awesome though and is standing by me through this.

Have you tried SAMe or 5-HTP? There's growing evidence that serotonin doesn't even play a role in anxiety, but at least those won't have the side effects of an SSRI.

 

[Kater]

Lack of sleep this weekend really affects my mood even now, two days after that sleepless terrible night. Went out with a coworker to drink a beer or two and ended up totally wasted of course because I didn't know when to say no, that's the gist of it.
And while I was at work today and did my job I had zero motivation and actually had to force myself to do it which rarely happens since I like it there. Add to that the feeling of loneliness and it's just a big cocktail of suck.

 

[junpei]

I am having trouble coping with life and I just can't take it anymore . I hate my internship , I hate my job and I hate my life . I feel that I am on the edge and that anything can set me off . It all started when I couldn't finish my internship because of my anxiety. I don't know what I was afraid of but I have a strong aversion to going to class . So I said fuck school and I went hard at my retail job . I managed to get full time status but they passed on making me a supervisor. I decided to go back to school and try the internship again and the same anxiety returns even stronger . I gave up my full-time job to do this damn internship and I can't finish it. I have noticed that with out an escape like video games or the internet I crumble . I know that things are going bad for me when I start playing komm susser Todd on repeat.

In unrelated news the asshat who raped my sibling is going to get off Scott free . It's not fair that my sibling has to suffer while he lives it up. I am so tried of the lady at the rape crisis center congratulating for supporting my sister. Maybe it's a case of imposter syndrome but I don't feel like I've done anything. If anything I felt that I haven't done enough. I don't really know how to someone console some in times of need and I feel that I ignored red flags that I should have picked up on. I kind of feel that I failed that sibling .

 

[Jonogunn]

I'm googling the best psychiatrist to see but even the top ones all have some negative reviews bout them.

I want to see one but I also don't...

I thought the idea of talking to a professional who's 100% objective would be comforting but now the idea of talking out all the deepest shit about me to someone feels uncomfortable.

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

I have not been feeling really great lately. Since my ex broke up with me almost 4 months ago I've been constantly having mood swings. Today I woke up feeling great and one hour later I was just crying because I don't feel good with myself.

I feel extremely sensible and vulnerable. I doubt my abilities to do anything but at the same time I tend to demand perfection of myself. This makes me feel anxious, doubtful, fearful and creates a uncomfortable tension in my life. I've been working out every single day and I feel better after every session but these thoughts never really leave my mind. She doesn't leave my mind, she fucked me up in a way I never thought it was possible. I was such a confident and amazing person to everyone... now? I just don't care and my confidence went downhill. I never feel really good and proud about myself anymore. I don't have the will to do things that once left me feeling amazing (despite sports/gym - still do those daily). I also can't seem to focus and it's like I do things for others, not myself. This low self-esteem is something I really need to work on.

Every time I'm with someone around I'm always smiling and try to be the same old me but every time I'm alone I just feel apathetic and negative thoughts creep my mind. I'm always searching on how to fight these thoughts, on how to become a better me, going through reddit, online articles. I feel good about myself and determined to get better after reading them but then... all those positive thoughts disappear. I find myself back at it again.

I'm tired. I just want to clear my mind, focus on what really matters to me and just focus on myself really.

 

[Pamplemousse]

I've probably been the lowest I've ever been this week. My blunted/zombie affect is taking over badly. It's been so bad a professor even asked if I was okay. I told her I am. It's not like she can help me anyway.

I hate not having anyone.

 

[Usobuko]

I need help GAF, regarding on a young girl I know thru online gaming.

She is a 15 year old girl who has a tendency of self-harming because of her overly-controlling parents. I got to know her better because one day out of a sudden, she mentioned her mom has stage 4 cancer ( my mom died of cancer 2 years ago so I empathized with her ). I already knew she has a terrible relationship with her dad and it kinda resemble mine in the past. So, I don't want her to follow my footsteps and try to support her emotionally and academically.

My motivation is very simple, if she can get back on her feet academically ( she used to be competitive and top her school ), she will eventually mend her relationship with her family and not leave any regrets during the last 1-2 years period of her mom's life.

However, there are a few things that kinda bothers me.

1) Whenever I tried to leave her and resume per normal routine, she would reveal a vulnerable side of her that makes it really hard to leave her on her own. First she mentioned cutting herself ( there's pictures for it ). Then she talk about vomiting food. Then she talk about drinking soap water.

2) Her parents are kinda overwhelming. Not only she don't get to enjoy the freedom a normal teenager would have in my country, she has a GPS on her phone. Her parents monitor her every actions and calls her every now and then. Not only that, they periodically confiscated her stuff ( phone, laptop etc ) to deny her access to them because of perceived subpar results ( her results are actually average atm ). Sometimes, her parents will also search her stuff constantly.

All this is driving her crazy. Just yesterday, her dad confiscated her phone for the whole day and she almost relapse in cutting herself.

So Gaf, how can I exactly help her? For better or worst, I'm like the only person she opens up to this extent. I realized I hold substantial importance in her and I don't want to simply dismiss the trust she has in me by ditching her.

 

[Kater]

I think it would be beneficial for thee whole family to go to a therapy, or just her dad and that girl at least. They need to learn to help each other through a difficult time instead of making each other's life more complicated. Improving those relationships is a good safety net for when her mother will die and without it she'd just continue to fall.

Losing someone or knowing that you'll soon lose someone so close to you is terrible, I am full of sympathy for you and that girl's family.

 

[Xun]

My OCD really isn't in a good place right now and it's somewhat reminiscent of how it was in the past.

It started when I got my new phone the other month and it's since spiralled out of control.

It doesn't help I've had the past few days off of work (mainly to try and be productive) and I can't focus on doing anything.

My mind hasn't been able to detach from it all.