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[Psychoward]

brief backstory; i'm enrolled in a 4 year college but bc of anxiety and depression I had to withdraw last Feb., my plan is to go back when I'm ready which is probably gonna be the summer or fall semester of this year. I'm taking community college classes now just to make sure my work ethic is alright and for the past 7 months I was working full time as a cashier, got laid off about 2 weeks ago because the store is closing down. I'm 20 years old with divorced parents and generally stay at my mom's more because that's where my dog is.




my mom doesn't want the ps4 in her house anymore because she's convinced it's holding me back somehow despite the fact that I haven't even been unemployed for a full paycheck period and I told her I don't wanna look for a new job until I'm in classes. I also registered for classes on my own and I take care of myself and the house? Like I watch the house whenever she goes on a trip, I buy groceries, make dinner, clean out the kitchen etc. etc.

I told her removing it won't do anything because I still have my laptop, it just restricts what video games I can actually play

she said she didn't care

I said it actually helps with my depression because who doesn't like playing video games, it's not like I'm being unhealthy about it

she told me to read a book instead

She said I was sleeping and playing it too much

I told her it was winter break and even then I still got all of my necessary stuff ready for next semester, plus like I said I've only been unemployed for two weeks and before then I was working full time

I told her she was being illogical and I could just go to my dad's house to play ps4 and be fine

she said she didn't care, she didn't want it in her house

I called her bluff and moved my stuff back to my dad's lol, I give it about a week before she texts me saying she's sorry

edit: just read the page I posted this on, well now my rant feels dumb and insignificant, didn't know them that well but hopefully the family can find peace and they're in a better place

 

[neojubei]

RIP Pamplemousse, hopefully you are in a better and peaceful place.

 

[brianjones]

brief backstory; i'm enrolled in a 4 year college but bc of anxiety and depression I had to withdraw last Feb., my plan is to go back when I'm ready which is probably gonna be the summer or fall semester of this year. I'm taking community college classes now just to make sure my work ethic is alright and for the past 7 months I was working full time as a cashier, got laid off about 2 weeks ago because the store is closing down. I'm 20 years old with divorced parents and generally stay at my mom's more because that's where my dog is.

my mom doesn't want the ps4 in her house anymore because she's convinced it's holding me back somehow despite the fact that I haven't even been unemployed for a full paycheck period and I told her I don't wanna look for a new job until I'm in classes. I also registered for classes on my own and I take care of myself and the house? Like I watch the house whenever she goes on a trip, I buy groceries, make dinner, clean out the kitchen etc. etc.

I told her removing it won't do anything because I still have my laptop, it just restricts what video games I can actually play

she said she didn't care

I said it actually helps with my depression because who doesn't like playing video games, it's not like I'm being unhealthy about it

she told me to read a book instead

She said I was sleeping and playing it too much

I told her it was winter break and even then I still got all of my necessary stuff ready for next semester, plus like I said I've only been unemployed for two weeks and before then I was working full time

I told her she was being illogical and I could just go to my dad's house to play ps4 and be fine

she said she didn't care, she didn't want it in her house

https://media.giphy.com/media/G4ZNYMQVMH6us/giphy.gif[IMG]

I called her bluff and moved my stuff back to my dad's lol, I give it about a week before she texts me saying she's sorry

edit: just read the page I posted this on, well now my rant feels dumb and insignificant, didn't know them that well but hopefully the family can find peace and they're in a better place[/QUOTE]

i kinda wish my mom was harder on me like that

she let me get away with murder and I've basically ruined my life because of it

if nothing else you have a good excuse to get your own place which is a good thing ultimately

 

[Psychoward]

i kinda wish my mom was harder on me like that

she let me get away with murder and I've basically ruined my life because of it

I mean it's not like I'm playing 16 hours a day and yelling at her that she burned my mcnuggies. I'm still taking classes (was and will be) working and everything I was using was paid with my own money.

As far as your edit goes, I really don't make enough money to get my own place even with a roommate considering I don't have a degree, additionally in a few months I plan to go back to my 4-year which is a couple thousand miles away.

It just bugs me because it's logically inconsistent, she has no problem with me staying up on my laptop watching movies or playing civ v or whatever, but the ps4 is the devil for some reason.

 

[brianjones]

you need a degree just to get a place with a roommate? damn where do you live?

 

[Psychoward]

you need a degree just to get a place with a roommate? damn where do you live?

rich white suburbs of NJ

I mean I guess I could find a place but that would basically be my entire paycheck going to rent instead of my student loans, and like I said I'm gonna be leaving in a few months anyway

wouldn't be smart to move out now

 

[WhateverItTakes]

Pamplemousse, no one should have to go out that way. RIP, can only hope you found something better on the other side.

This thread is a good place. I know I only pop in when I'm having a crisis and you regulars who really work to look after people are saints. I just want you to know that.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

I was going to post about how miserable I feel but I came to find we lost another one of our own.

RIP. I hope you find peace, Pamplemousse.
Words cannot express my grief.

 

[Dead Prince]

reposting from lbgt gaf thread. a word from his sister.

Thank you more than words can express for providing this information. I am sick to stomach reading some of his posts in the LGBTQIA forum and mental health forum. And if you're okay with this (I know it takes months to get permission to post on this site) will you please share with anyone in any of the forums that knew him, a final message from me (if it's appropriate):

I am a clinical social worker (AKA therapist, different kind of training but I work similarly to psychologists, MFT's etc), not the kind that works with abused children, though I had considered doing that. I have worked in psychiatric inapatient hospitals, outpatient doing traditional therapy all focused on kids and young adults. Reading what my brother posted is horrifying, as a professional to read. I also read some misinformation about antidepressants, psych diagnoses, etc. (some my brother promoted, etc.) My brother was severely, severely, depressed. And from what I can tell he was masterful at hiding it, which is not uncommon. My heart breaks reading about how much pain he was in and how much pain some of the rest of you are in. If I could've told my brother one thing it's that depression literally changes your brain chemistry. There are chemicals in your brain that impact the number of negative, hopeless thoughts you have, etc. There is therapy and medicaion that can change this. Nothing he was going through was "unfixable" he just felt so sad and hopeless. All of you on this community gave him some hope and got him through when no one in my family could. If you are feeling sad, depressed, anxious... go get help. If you hate phone calls there is a NATIONAL suicide text line 741.741. I know what it is like to feel like there is no way out, and it is hard, but there is a way to get better. I've seen it. I've seen people in the pit of despair drag themselves out corageously. You just have to ask. Sometimes, you have to ask more than once. I love my profession, but sometimes there are people who don't know what they are doing. Don't quit. Don't give. People love you and care about you. I am not much older than some of you and I know that google can be very very helpful, but also very dangerous. A lot of information on treatment and medication is simplified, please talk to a professional. I would give anything in the world to have picked my brother up and dragged him to a hospital, because based on what he was saying... he would've been admitted.

I hope none of you blame yourselves. You gave him a shining piece of light in a world that he gave up on. We all did the best we could, and this time it wasn't enough. Please remember him as the funny, sarcastic, smart as hell little brother I did. And please, get yourselves help.

 

[How About No]

reposting from lbgt gaf thread. a word from his sister.

This is heartbreaking...thank you

 

[Izuna]

I have a demonstrably evil family and tbh, I'm just going to accept that I have absolutely no one that gives a shit.

Hopefully, it isn't too late to live the life of not caring and achieve something regardless.

 

[chronic_archaic]

I have a demonstrably evil family and tbh, I'm just going to accept that I have absolutely no one that gives a shit.

Hopefully, it isn't too late to live the life of not caring and achieve something regardless.

Let me know if you ever need to talk, I'm all ears.

 

[Rembrandt]

R.I.P. Pamplemousse :'(

Rest in peace.

His sister's post is heartbreaking and my heart goes out to the family.

 

[Astral Dog]

To the one or two GAFers who may take notice,

After much deliberation, I've decided I'm ending it tonight. I couldn't take it anymore. My life was so sad, pathetic, and meaningless. I couldn't go on anymore.

I would have had to go through life all alone. I hated myself and couldn't meet people. No guy would have ever wanted to be with me. I was alone with only one way out. None of my woes were fixable, and they were all permanent. I could only ignore reality and distract myself for so long. The pain, purposelessness, and misery were always there waiting for me.

I didn't want to suffer alone anymore. The loneliness was unbearable. Death was my only way out. I cry writing this and wonder why life had to be so difficult. Why did it have to be this way? I just wanted peace.

Yours always,
Pamplemousse

here you are.RIP 🌹

 

[brianjones]

that is a really great message from his sister thank you for sharing that

 

[Lemaitre]

R.I.P. Pamplemousse.

I'm at a loss for words knowing that he went ahead with his intentions. Like many other community members here I have had my own share of suicidal thoughts/ideation. I have had a close friend attempt suicide, and I even have a brother who has been suicidal himself. It's an unfortunate reality that so many people go through this kind of suffering, and for anyone in a dark place please talk to someone. Whether that's a friend, a family member, a therapist, or even a website like 7 Cups of Tea.

I'm an advocate for knowledge, and I do believe knowledge is power. I started reading Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. The author, Kay Redfield, also wrote a great memoir on bi-polar disorder called An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness. If anyone is interested in either book please PM me and I can shoot over a PDF copy of either one. I think it's important to educate ourselves as best we can, especially when it comes to a field as stigmatized as mental health.

Good luck to everyone attempting any kind of help. You can make it if you try, and for every time you take a few steps back it will all be worth it for any step you take forward.

 

[opticalmace]

Not what I expected... fuck.

Rest in peace Pample.

 

[JDHarbs]

 

[Izuna]

Let me know if you ever need to talk, I'm all ears.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromo...i_want_to_report_my_sister_to_child_services/

This is who is taking over the tenancy JUST as my second-semester starts, moving out will cost everything I have left (returning PS4 but that's fine), my glasses are still broken.

I missed a couple of exams because this situation is bringing back my anxiety but luckily the Uni understands. So I'm gunna try and focus on these next two assignments, spend a week in London with a friend, then enter the same shitty situation that's been stopping me from graduating for the past couple of years.

Decidedly, fuck it. It's selfish, but I'm not going to bother with child-services or "getting close" to my family again. I'lm gunna try put everything together, move away, and never look back. I just hope I can afford to do so.

Sick of being reminded of how much neglect and BS parenting I had. It makes me rude to my closest (read: only) friend I have since I've moved to a new city.

I don't know if I sound rediculous, but really, I shouldn't have taken the offer to have accommodation up north so I can "focus on Uni" only for my sister to end up moving in and pushing me out.

Instead of asking why I'm in this shit-hole of a city, I'm just going to be happy that I'm convinced it's okay to call my family what they are: Awful af.

 

[Hermii]

I always get so depressed reading or hearing about people doing cool things in their youth. I wasted most of my youth always playing it safe, considering what my overprotective parents or authority figures would think, never daring to do anything outside my small comfort zone.I never even had fights with my parents, always just accepted what they said and suppressed the anger, shut it inside. I so wish I would have traveled abroad, moved far away, went on vacations alone or done any of the normal things people do in their youth.

 

[Dead Prince]

i'll post this here as well

---

his mother emailed me. he talked to a few others including myself through PM or somewhere. but i'm going to post this here as well. if you have anything to share please share it with me. I'll send this to her in an email later.

Hello, this is not a joke. I am the mother of [redacted] who recently died by suicide.

I know you knew him, and I wanted to ask a favor.

If there is anything positive in terms of [redacted] thoughts about family, could you share that with me? Maybe he never talked about me, and if so, that's ok. I understand. I loved him more than life itself and am in such pain from missing him.

He and I shared a lot of things including tv shows, music and politics.

I thank you in advance,

[redacted]

 

[Jeels]

i'll post this here as well

---

his mother emailed me. he talked to a few others including myself through PM or somewhere. but i'm going to post this here as well. if you have anything to share please share it with me. I'll send this to her in an email later.

It's so heartbreaking to hear from his sister and mother who seem like such genuinely loving people who only wanted him to be happy and what was best from him. The fact that he hid his pain from them is so upsetting. Feeling alone doesn't mean you are actually alone.

Sending prayers and positive vibes to them and wish them all the best.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

RIP.

Wish I could just offer my condolences in this post, but I'm sorry, I can't divorce myself from my current feeling. I'm scared. I haven't been this aggressively lazy since I failed out of college.

Like I was trying my hardest, but it's hard to keep afloat with all of the Shit floating around.

 

[Xun]

Horrible.

RIP Pamplemousse

 

[Lemaitre]

RIP.

Wish I could just offer my condolences in this post, but I'm sorry, I can't divorce myself from my current feeling. I'm scared. I haven't been this aggressively lazy since I failed out of college.

Like I was trying my hardest, but it's hard to keep afloat with all of the Shit floating around.

Take a break from online message boards and news. NeoGaf's not going to go anywhere, sometimes a break is what's needed.

 

[Hours Left]

My condolences to Pamplemousse's family and friends. RIP

 

[jb1234]

I didn't interact with him much but he was nice to me when I was in pain. That's what I'll remember.

 

[BossRush]

Why can't I just die saving someone's life or something?

At least then I would leave some sort of mark. I'd go out with a semblance of being a good person in people's eyes instead of being a fucking loser nobody manchild.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. Every single fucking person I know has it all figured out. Meanwhile I struggle to do basic things and never change anything. Instead I just whine and complain constantly, wanting pity for being a stupidly d loser who won't change anything about themselves.

I really want to just not wake up tomorrow so I don't have to worry about this garbage anymore. So people don't worry about me. So people are relieved that this embarrassment is out of their life for good. No one actually likes me after all, I just probably look like a fucking loser that fails to put on different masks. I try to be different than who I Am and no one falls for it. I'm just a fucking crybaby childish loser who can't grow up. That's all I'll be up until the day I die.

 

[chronic_archaic]

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromo...i_want_to_report_my_sister_to_child_services/

This is who is taking over the tenancy JUST as my second-semester starts, moving out will cost everything I have left (returning PS4 but that's fine), my glasses are still broken.

I missed a couple of exams because this situation is bringing back my anxiety but luckily the Uni understands. So I'm gunna try and focus on these next two assignments, spend a week in London with a friend, then enter the same shitty situation that's been stopping me from graduating for the past couple of years.

Decidedly, fuck it. It's selfish, but I'm not going to bother with child-services or "getting close" to my family again. I'lm gunna try put everything together, move away, and never look back. I just hope I can afford to do so.

Sick of being reminded of how much neglect and BS parenting I had. It makes me rude to my closest (read: only) friend I have since I've moved to a new city.

I don't know if I sound rediculous, but really, I shouldn't have taken the offer to have accommodation up north so I can "focus on Uni" only for my sister to end up moving in and pushing me out.

Instead of asking why I'm in this shit-hole of a city, I'm just going to be happy that I'm convinced it's okay to call my family what they are: Awful af.

Damn - I suppose I'm glad I only have some family issues. Whenever you see me on XBL feel free to invite me to a party, I'll probably join. But I get the wanting to get away, cutting ties with your family. I love my mother dearly but a part of me also wants to do what I need to do to put that part of my life behind me.

 

[Izuna]

Damn - I suppose I'm glad I only have some family issues. Whenever you see me on XBL feel free to invite me to a party, I'll probably join. But I get the wanting to get away, cutting ties with your family. I love my mother dearly but a part of me also wants to do what I need to do to put that part of my life behind me.

It was the best suggestion my counsellor ever gave me.

I got today and tomorrow of exams then I got a week holiday with my BFF. So I'll be happy soon.

Once I move into a new place, I gotta face whatever I need to, to not need to return.

Thanks, though. I think the best way to put it is, it's our time.

 

[Sifl]

Rip Pamplemousse

 

[Kater]

I thought we'd given him at least some balance but it seems it was not enough. Sad to see that, as I already wrote in the LGBT+ thread. I'll miss him.

I will try to learn from this myself and take professional advice more seriously.

 

[pigeon interrupted]

RIP.

Wish I could just offer my condolences in this post, but I'm sorry, I can't divorce myself from my current feeling. I'm scared. I haven't been this aggressively lazy since I failed out of college.

Like I was trying my hardest, but it's hard to keep afloat with all of the Shit floating around.

Lemaitre's advice is good and works, imo. The negative stimuli around you, or that you surround yourself with will affect you. Try to take a break from it. I know that it can be an effort given how much media and information we are bombarded with. Try not to lose your job; money may not be a panacea but it does give you more options. And a little retail therapy never hurt anyone

Why can't I just die saving someone's life or something?

At least then I would leave some sort of mark. I'd go out with a semblance of being a good person in people's eyes instead of being a fucking loser nobody manchild.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. Every single fucking person I know has it all figured out. Meanwhile I struggle to do basic things and never change anything. Instead I just whine and complain constantly, wanting pity for being a stupidly d loser who won't change anything about themselves.

I really want to just not wake up tomorrow so I don't have to worry about this garbage anymore. So people don't worry about me. So people are relieved that this embarrassment is out of their life for good. No one actually likes me after all, I just probably look like a fucking loser that fails to put on different masks. I try to be different than who I Am and no one falls for it. I'm just a fucking crybaby childish loser who can't grow up. That's all I'll be up until the day I die.

I used to feel this way and still do on occasion, although it's not as intense these days - mostly, I'm just glad to still be here. You should speak to your doc about how you feel. Maybe they can suggest some kind of treatment. Try to not repeat these negative sentiments to yourself and to not obsessively compare yourself to others. You are an individual and unique-set yourself short term goals that will make you happy or/and improve your life. I found listening to an upbeat radio station with likeable djs puts me in a better frame of mind and helps stop me obsessing. Add some structure to your life. Luck is what happens when preparation and opportunity meet.

 

[yepyepyep]

Very sad about Pamplemousse. I'm an infrequent poster but I lurk neogaf often. I remember a couple of weeks ago trying to give him some support in this thread. Shame he wasn't able to overcome his negative state of mind.

 

[SallyIsNow]

Has anyone had experience with CBT without using medication?

I met with a therapist on Saturday to deal with my existential anxiety regarding death. It's gotten to the point that I can't look at anything in the world without wondering why anyone else isn't freaking out or the fact that everything will end. I don't want to live like this anymore - it's lasted for eight years, and while I was able to sometimes control it, I've been absolutely non-functional the past week, obsessing over it.

I'm nervous as hell taking meds, but the option is on the table. I'm also worried that CBT won't actually do anything, that my anxiety with death is bigger than CBT can handle.

Hey, man. I just wanted to ask how that's been going. I'm going through the exact same thing. This thinking did lead me to depression, a major one. Which has lead me to my lowest of lows, and I've only been like this for two months. I can't fucking imagine 8 years. It's getting so hard to even function, I try to distract myself but it doesnt make a fucking difference. I can't have a moment of silence because my thoughts turn on me. I miss being bored. Oh, man I'd fucking pay to just feel bored let alone happy. I drove all my friends away, I'm gettinf kicked out of school, my family lost the little bit of trust they had in me. And it's all because of this. Stay strong, brother. Let me know how it goes.

 

[neojubei]

Feeling like crap today. Had a very bad day which ended on me tripping over a skateboard on a crowded train. I'm sick of crap like that happening to me. This past weekend I've been watching suicide documentaries and videos on youtube and now with pample passing i dont know what to feel. I think i will wait until after i come back from Japan before dying myself. I'd like to see Japan and my friend one last time before i decide to go. So i suppose i'll be hanging on for a while. Think i'll order an iphone 7 for my trip to use a camera and phone then give it away before i die.

 

[Dead Prince]

I think you should reconsider the idea and not kill yourself. I have said something to you once that I regret saying it and I'm sorry I said it but what I learned from pamples death is that. There will always be people out there that care for you. No matter if we are far away and no matter how different we are. We are a community that care for each other.


And i just can't deal with the thought of people dying right now.

 

[pixelation]

Feeling like crap today. Had a very bad day which ended on me tripping over a skateboard on a crowded train. I'm sick of crap like that happening to me. This past weekend I've been watching suicide documentaries and videos on youtube and now with pample passing i dont know what to feel. I think i will wait until after i come back from Japan before dying myself. I'd like to see Japan and my friend one last time before i decide to go. So i suppose i'll be hanging on for a while. Think i'll order an iphone 7 for my trip to use a camera and phone then give it away before i die.

My post won't be of much help. But i am in a similar possition to Pample's before he passed away, almost like a copy/paste version of my own issues. And i really want to off myself as well, the things that keep me here are: 1) Fear of hell, people say it does not exist and others say it does... no way to know for sure. So imagine ending your own life (unforgiveable sin in the bible) only to end up in even worse suffering? (hell). 2) My family, i love them to death even though they always pester me about my life (or lack thereof, specially my mom) 3) Sports Life, i am a boxer and i want to see how far i can go and transition into MMA, but then i think... what for?, there is no one by my side (other than my family) to celebrate with me and i don't think anyone will come to my side being the monstosity that i am.

So i guess... try and find something to look forward to?, there must be an interest that you want to pursue/keep track of, it's hard... and it seems like a stupid reason to stick around. But just think of the things you won't get to experience... new gaming consoles... movies... music...

But if i am being honest if i knew with certainty that hell does not exist i wouldn't be here anymore, walking alone in this life is hard and pointless.

 

[Lemaitre]

My post won't be of much help. But i am in a similar possition to Pample's before he passed away, almost like a copy/paste version of my own issues. And i really want to off myself as well, the things that keep me here are: 1) Fear of hell, people say it does not exist and others say it does... no way to know for sure. So imagine ending your own life (unforgiveable sin in the bible) only to end up in even worse suffering? (hell). 2) My family, i love them to death even though they always pester me about my life (or lack thereof, specially my mom) 3) Sports Life, i am a boxer and i want to see how far i can go and transition into MMA, but then i think... what for?, there is no one by my side (other than my family) to celebrate with me and i don't think anyone will come to my side being the monstosity that i am.

So i guess... try and find something to look forward to?, there must be an interest that you want to pursue/keep track of, it's hard... and it seems like a stupid reason to stick around. But just think of the things you won't get to experience... new gaming consoles... movies... music...

But if i am being honest if i knew with certainty that hell does not exist i wouldn't be here anymore, walking alone in this life is hard and pointless.

You mention you have family.

Have you discussed your feelings and emotional state with your family, and specifically your mother?

 

[Lemaitre]

Feeling like crap today. Had a very bad day which ended on me tripping over a skateboard on a crowded train. I'm sick of crap like that happening to me. This past weekend I've been watching suicide documentaries and videos on youtube and now with pample passing i dont know what to feel. I think i will wait until after i come back from Japan before dying myself. I'd like to see Japan and my friend one last time before i decide to go. So i suppose i'll be hanging on for a while. Think i'll order an iphone 7 for my trip to use a camera and phone then give it away before i die.

As Dead Prince mentioned, you really need to reconsider your options. How do you think your friend would feel if they knew about your plans?

Have you considered reaching out to that close friend or other family member? Opening up to those closest to us is difficult, but give it a try at least.

You never know what their response could be, but I bet it would be a response of love and care for you.

 

[Head of Vengarl]

R.I.P. Pamplemousse

Those emails from his sister are absolutely heartbreaking.

 

[pixelation]

You mention you have family.

Have you discussed your feelings and emotional state with your family, and specifically your mother?

Yes but... she's a christian... meaning that, well... she is close minded, i tell her that being depressed is not a choice, more of a consequence of some chem imbalances or whatever, i honestly was born like this, first memory i have is of me watching Sesame Street on t.v. and then stepping outside the house, taking in the view and feeling depressed.

But no my mom seems to think that i am depressed because i want to, and that God can help me out if only i seek him... and that just angers me so i won't bother again.

 

[Lemaitre]

Yes but... she's a christian... meaning that, well... she is close minded, i tell her that being depressed is not a choice, more of a consequence of some chem imbalances or whatever, i honestly was born like this, first memory i have is of me watching Sesame Street on t.v. and then stepping outside the house, taking in the view and feeling depressed.

But no my mom seems to think that i am depressed because i want to, and that God can help me out if only i seek him... and that just angers me so i won't bother again.

I can sympathize with your situation. My parents aren't religious but it's the same basic dynamic for me. They tell my brother (he is diagnosed bi-polar with psychotic episodes) and I that we should be able to overcome any mental roadblocks by "sheer force of will". To me, that's not any better than someone saying God can get rid of it, so I totally understand.

And actually, the first psychologist told me to my face at my third session that I just needed God/Jesus to overcome my depression. It made me angry, agitated, and burned me off of seeing any behavioral health specialists for a few months.

I'm glad I went back though because the current psychologist I have now is working wonders for me. He seems like he has a good head on his shoulders and I feel comfortable speaking with him about whatever is plaguing me.

Have you seen any counselor/psychologist/mental health professional? Have you ever been on an anti-depressant or other form of medication? Do you have access to mental health care? I would get in touch with some kind of professional if you are able to. It would help to speak to them about your situation with your mother/family and how it angers you.

 

[pixelation]

I can sympathize with your situation. My parents aren't religious but it's the same basic dynamic for me. They tell my brother (he is diagnosed bi-polar with psychotic episodes) and I that we should be able to overcome any mental roadblocks by "sheer force of will". To me, that's not any better than someone saying God can get rid of it, so I totally understand.

And actually, the first psychologist told me to my face at my third session that I just needed God/Jesus to overcome my depression. It made me angry, agitated, and burned me off of seeing any behavioral health specialists for a few months.

I'm glad I went back though because the current psychologist I have now is working wonders for me. He seems like he has a good head on his shoulders and I feel comfortable speaking with him about whatever is plaguing me.

Have you seen any counselor/psychologist/mental health professional? Have you ever been on an anti-depressant or other form of medication? Do you have access to mental health care? I would get in touch with some kind of professional if you are able to. It would help to speak to them about your situation with your mother/family and how it angers you.

Thanks man, i am looking at my options right now, but i don't live in the U.S. so seeing a phsych isn't common here let alone affordable. So no, i have not seen anyone outside of the one at school (that i was forced to consult). And yes man, having people telling you that it's basically your own fault and you can get over it sucks royally.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

I feel really done with everything. I haven't felt this bad in a while.

Then I feel like an asshole because of Pamplemousse, but man I know how he felt. I just want everything to be over.

Edit: Just saw the similar post above mine. It's interesting how a suicide brings up the thought heavily in others.

I can't imagine how Pamplemousse's sister and family feel.

 

[Sectorseven]

Personally, I like being told I can get over depression, it gives me hope.

 

[JDHarbs]

Personally, I like being told I can get over depression, it gives me hope.

I don't believe that is what they meant. I personally like being given hope too.

The problem is people telling them they can get over it on their own with no help which makes them feel worse because they can't. My parents talk the same way.

It's like telling someone with a broken leg to walk again without the help of a cast, meds, crutches, therapy, etc.

 

[The God]

everyone always wants to tell you "it gets better", but I know it'll never get better on its own.

at this point I feel like fixing my life is a lot more trouble than it's worth. I don't even feel like trying. meds and therapy are keeping me at the bare minimum and I just wish I was dead already. what am I supposed to do?

 

[chronic_archaic]

everyone always wants to tell you "it gets better", but I know it'll never get better on its own.

at this point I feel like fixing my life is a lot more trouble than it's worth. I don't even feel like trying. meds and therapy are keeping me at the bare minimum and I just wish I was dead already. what am I supposed to do?

I come and go out of this really. I feel like my life is either going to be very sheltered or I'm going to end up killing myself someday. Particularly the past few months on my end has had lots of suicidal tendencies. Today I'm not feeling it, but tomorrow I probably will. Just how it goes. But yeah, the medication and therapy keeps me... okay? I sometimes wonder what my mind would be like clean off every substance but there's also a fear since it's been so long too.

 

[pigeon interrupted]

I feel really done with everything. I haven't felt this bad in a while.

Then I feel like an asshole because of Pamplemousse, but man I know how he felt. I just want everything to be over.

Edit: Just saw the similar post above mine. It's interesting how a suicide brings up the thought heavily in others.

I can't imagine how Pamplemousse's sister and family feel.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm feeling it today. That feeling of being essentially unlikeable/unlovable/ugly. Pamplemousse's last post has been playing on my mind because at my lowest points I've been there with him. It breaks my heart thinking about it. And I guess that is something many of us have in common. His second from last post was telling AFA to not give up on life. Maybe that's something else we have in common: that we care for the lives of others around us more than we care for our own. If that's the case, then there must be something about being here that's worthwhile. Something worth enduring the pain for which we can see for others but can't see it for ourselves because of our despair.

To those thinking of suicide-please seek professional help before doing anything drastic. This thread is a great place to vent (thanks Bagels) and to reach out to somebody if you need to chat. An illness is an illness. We all need help from time to time; take the advice in Pamplemousse's sister's post (thanks Dead Prince).