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[Fulminator]

i guess this is the right thread to ask this in? I take fluoxetine (prozac) for OCD/Anxiety (possibly have mild to mid depression to but unconfrimed at this point), and have taken it for around 8 to 10 years, mostly uninterrupted (started at 11-13 probably). Anyways, I came off the medication last year around late september/early october, and stayed off for about 3 months. Over the holidays, I started getting some bad anxiety again, so I started back up on the medication about 15 days ago. I take a dosage of 20 mg, and over the past week or so, after resuming the medication, I've been having erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia issues. Now this is a side effect that either was not very present in my previous years of taking the medication, or maybe it's just something i never entirely noticed because i haven't been consistently sexually active before recently.

Anyways, I'm wondering if anyone has experience on the topic and could give me some advice? I don't think my libido has taken too much of a hit, but it's increasingly harder for me to achieve and maintain an erection, and while I can force myself to orgasm, there is almost no pleasure received from it. I'm wondering if lowering my dosage to 10mg would help to mitigate some of these side effects? My doctor says that I can change my dosage if I feel the need to, as I've never experienced SSRI withdrawal from stopping the medication cycle, and I sent him an email about this as well, but I'm wondering if I could also get some first hand accounts with this issue, as presently it is not something that I would like to deal with lol.

anyways, thanks for any advice on subject

 

[brian577]

Need to talk to someone, the latest Trump BS has pushed me into a bad place. I don't know if I want to kill myself, but at the very least I feel like running home from work, crawling in my bed and just wasting away.

Don't worry about that, already talking to a therapist. What I'm looking for is the rational side of GAF to provide me with some hope.

 

[Hermii]

One of the worst things about depression is your mind keeping you up at night which in turn makes your depression worse cause you don't sleep, which of course makes it even harder to sleep.Not looking forward at all to work tomorrow, in fact I don't.look forward to anything at all I can think of.

 

[driggonny]

For some reason these first couple weeks of the semester have triggered quite a depressive episode in me. It sucks because I feel like I've been doing so well too. Before I started taking Zoloft about a year-and-a-half ago I was pretty much depressed all the time and since then I'd say I've been doing very well even with dips in mood. Those dips tend to be fairly short now.

I feel like I'm going on 2 weeks of my brain floundering for some reason and I just can't figure out why. The reality is probably that there is no reason and I'm just wasting my time indulging depressive delusions. Those thoughts only ever pop up when I'm depressed so I don't think they're reflective of reality. I'll probably cry tonight for no discernible reason which just feels weird. I really thought I was past this but I guess my mind might never be ”normal."

 

[Freeza Under The Shower]

Need to talk to someone, the latest Trump BS has pushed me into a bad place. I don't know if I want to kill myself, but at the very least I feel like running home from work, crawling in my bed and just wasting away.

Don't worry about that, already talking to a therapist. What I'm looking for is the rational side of GAF to provide me with some hope.

okay, maybe I can do that. What most people, including Trump, do not understand about government and policy is that it is basically a war zone with hundreds of actors and gears, some within their own modules, some relaying between them, and some in a symbolic position of power.
When you play it right, that machine can do wonderful things for most people, which is basically what governments exist for anyway, and the reason anyone pays taxes. Taxes give you rights, representation, citizenship, and so on (well, most of the time).
When you play it wrong, that machine becomes your worst nightmare of not working, nothing getting done, and not a single result for anything you wanted to do. If you've ever wondered why so many conservative runs in government wind up being so poorly, it's because they're terrible at it. As much as their plans may be the worst thing ever, little of it will actually be done or even be possible. All it will be and leave is a huge mess, which is basically a free 'see?' for anyone wanting to run after that.

In the meantime, it is worth voting and campaigning for midterms to avoid or roll back gerrymandering.

 

[half a moon]

Well I turned 29 today.

 

[Dipper145]

oh my god another year, another round of #BellLetsTalk bullshit

my twitter feed fills up with happy, beautiful people in relationships telling me that it's OKAY to talk about mental health issues!

unless you're a cognitive behavioral therapist i don't want to see you using that fucking bullshit hashtag

rant. over.

I personally was more upset that I didn't see more of my friends / family using it to generate funds for mental health initiatives. I did post myself on all my social media stuff with the hashtag and stuff about mental health, because as a sufferer it's important to me. Most people don't know I suffer from it. You can be (by all public appearances) happy, beautiful, and in a relationship and still suffer from depression, and/or have a loved one or friend, or family member, who also suffers from depression. From the outside most people I meet or know would probably think I'm a fairly good looking, well put together, happy individual. Meanwhile I think I'm worthless, wish I was dead every day, and cry myself to sleep most nights.


On another note, went to the 2nd social anxiety meeting today, group numbers dropped from like 12 to 7 from the first day. Did a lot of first-volunteering to share the homework we had to do for CBT stuff. Definitely an exposure for me, which is an important part of the process. And of course my psychiatrist was sick this week on the day I see her so I don't have that support to get me through the week. It's been ridiculously rough lately...

Also called my mum for her b-day, but I can't tell her I'm anything less then 100% absolutely amazing, super happy or she freaks out. Just bugs me because she knows how bad my depression is, and says I can always talk to her about how I'm feeling, but never wants to hear that I'm doing bad at any level. Obviously, I can't blame her this time because it's her birthday, and I wouldn't say anything to make her worry today.

Still have a few friends to turn to for support though, and I've made it through another day, so I've got that going for me!

Well I turned 29 today.

Happy birthday!

I'll try and talk to the support people at university again tomorrow. I've had conversations with my GP and they pretty much referred me to the support people.

Just an FYI, often at universities, if seeing a doctor for mental health issues, and they ask if you have suicidal thoughts, or have ever had a plan, be honest and say yes (spending all money in america then bailing out)

Answering truthfully will often get you better resources faster. (At least in my experience at university)

 

[Cepheus]

Just an FYI, often at universities, if seeing a doctor for mental health issues, and they ask if you have suicidal thoughts, or have ever had a plan, be honest and say yes (spending all money in america then bailing out)

Answering truthfully will often get you better resources faster. (At least in my experience at university)

I did finally decide to bring up my anger issues in my last session and that was what made them fast-track me. I'm fine 99% of the time, but when bad stuff happens to me, like someone saying something in the street, or taking potshots at me in my apartment, I never do anything back. Then I feel really upset, and then I start feeling really angry. I never stood up for myself when I was in school, and so I've had all this building up for years and now I'm out of school, I'm genuinely worried that one day if someone does something really bad to me I'll just snap and do something very bad that I would regret. Now I've got 2 sessions, one on Wednesday next week and one on Thursday.

 

[neojubei]

Having one of those days. looking forward to my own suicide than my trip to Japan this year. Randomly writing cannot wait to die several times in my notebook. I think i am coming to realize i do not belong in this world and this world definitely doesnt want me in it. No hopes, no dreams, no future no nothing.

 

[YesManKablaam]

Is that recurring? Or is writing with such intent a recent development?

Talk to someone. Talk to us. You should never have those thoughts with real intent behind them. You're in a low place and unfortunately that beast is going to drag you down further, but the answer is not to end it. The often-repeated line is that you're thinking of a permanent solution to a temporary problem, as impossible as it may seem to recognise it as temporary right now. The OP of this thread has numbers to call if you need to talk to someone, and there will always be people here to listen.

I tried to end it all back in October of last year. I haven't told many people that, outside of close friends who happened to witness the aftermath, and my parents. I still feel like I'm circling that drain on a regular basis, but I'm glad I never succeeded. Recovery is a long, painful process where you'll feel like shit more often than you'll feel that you're getting better, but it does happen.

By what metric do you say you have no hopes or dreams? Not everyone does, and you shouldn't feel beholden to some idealised goal of a future that may not apply to you. You can come to many miserable conclusions about the state of this world, but the one where you're no longer a part of it is not an accurate one. Please, talk to someone.

 

[many places]

i guess this is the right thread to ask this in? I take fluoxetine (prozac) for OCD/Anxiety (possibly have mild to mid depression to but unconfrimed at this point), and have taken it for around 8 to 10 years, mostly uninterrupted (started at 11-13 probably). Anyways, I came off the medication last year around late september/early october, and stayed off for about 3 months. Over the holidays, I started getting some bad anxiety again, so I started back up on the medication about 15 days ago. I take a dosage of 20 mg, and over the past week or so, after resuming the medication, I've been having erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia issues. Now this is a side effect that either was not very present in my previous years of taking the medication, or maybe it's just something i never entirely noticed because i haven't been consistently sexually active before recently.

Anyways, I'm wondering if anyone has experience on the topic and could give me some advice? I don't think my libido has taken too much of a hit, but it's increasingly harder for me to achieve and maintain an erection, and while I can force myself to orgasm, there is almost no pleasure received from it. I'm wondering if lowering my dosage to 10mg would help to mitigate some of these side effects? My doctor says that I can change my dosage if I feel the need to, as I've never experienced SSRI withdrawal from stopping the medication cycle, and I sent him an email about this as well, but I'm wondering if I could also get some first hand accounts with this issue, as presently it is not something that I would like to deal with lol.

anyways, thanks for any advice on subject

Hey! I actually started Prozac around that same age. I believe I was 13 as well. I'm currently 24 and I've been on off and on it since 13. I'm currently off but like you I actually stopped taking mine in September of last year. I'm incredibly anxious lately and want to get back on it but I'm scared. I know it helps me but I always seem to get off it for various dumb reasons. It doesn't give me libido or erection problems but it gives me hand tremors and makes me clench my jaw a lot.

In 2015 however, when I was on Prozac consistently, I did have libido issues and problems getting an erection. It sucked but I think it was a combination of Prozac, smoking ciggerates , and getting a new girlfriend who I wanted to be perfect for. Thankfully I'm still with her and she's amazing and was able to overlook the erection problem. I stopped smoking and that helped, but remained on the Prozac and eventually was able to get and maintain an erection and am still able to , to this day (even when on Prozac) so basically man, don't lose hope! I hope this helps in some way. Lowering your dose might help but I think it's just your body reacting to the drug again and will even out eventually. Prozac tends to stay in the system for a good while so maybe it takes the body long to react to it being reintroduced as well? I'm not totally sure.

 

[redlegs87]

Having one of those days. looking forward to my own suicide than my trip to Japan this year. Randomly writing cannot wait to die several times in my notebook. I think i am coming to realize i do not belong in this world and this world definitely doesnt want me in it. No hopes, no dreams, no future no nothing.

You obviously haven't found your niche yet in this world but it can happen. Going through with your ideation will put any chance of that to zero. I usually don't like recommending books as a cure all or anything but I really think if you read The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT It's very practical and doesn't make any grand claims that it will make you happy 24/7 but it has really helped me & I think it could do you some good.

 

[JDHarbs]

So I recently finished Life is Strange (highly recommended) and mental health is a core focus of the story.

I wanted to ask what some other favorites are that have helped you all ease or better understand some of the mental health struggles that you go through?

It can be anything. Movies, shows, songs, games, books, etc.

 

[driggonny]

If I don't get my head out of my butt soon then work will pile up and my mood will become far worse than it is now. I'm proactive enough to realize this, but all I've done the past few days is mope around about body issues and sexuality bullshit.

I wish I could find solace in something/anything at the moment.

Edit: I should really find someone to talk to.

 

[neojubei]

Is that recurring? Or is writing with such intent a recent development?

Talk to someone. Talk to us. You should never have those thoughts with real intent behind them. You're in a low place and unfortunately that beast is going to drag you down further, but the answer is not to end it. The often-repeated line is that you're thinking of a permanent solution to a temporary problem, as impossible as it may seem to recognise it as temporary right now. The OP of this thread has numbers to call if you need to talk to someone, and there will always be people here to listen.

I tried to end it all back in October of last year. I haven't told many people that, outside of close friends who happened to witness the aftermath, and my parents. I still feel like I'm circling that drain on a regular basis, but I'm glad I never succeeded. Recovery is a long, painful process where you'll feel like shit more often than you'll feel that you're getting better, but it does happen.

By what metric do you say you have no hopes or dreams? Not everyone does, and you shouldn't feel beholden to some idealised goal of a future that may not apply to you. You can come to many miserable conclusions about the state of this world, but the one where you're no longer a part of it is not an accurate one. Please, talk to someone.

You obviously haven't found your niche yet in this world but it can happen. Going through with your ideation will put any chance of that to zero. I usually don't like recommending books as a cure all or anything but I really think if you read The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT It's very practical and doesn't make any grand claims that it will make you happy 24/7 but it has really helped me & I think it could do you some good.

Its ok I pretty much settled on ending everything after i return from Japan. If Im destined to be alone then why bother living out this crap life. Having failed at life, love, everything, i can at least forget my worries when i am gone

 

[many places]

Hey guys so the main disorder I struggle with is OCD and my biggest fear right now is whether or not I should get back on medication. Every time I get on it, it helps me and doesn't give me too terrible side effects. But eventually, I stop taking it for reasons like: "I don't need it anymore, i feel fine" or" what if it is actually giving me side effects, i just dont notice"

This sounds like reassurance seeking, which is a huge no no for OCD recovery but I truly do want y'alls opinion on this. Does taking or not taking meds matter? I'm currently trying to do ERP and ACT therapy by reading all I can about it and exposing myself gradually to my fears, but I'm doing it alone and not with a therapist.

 

[pigeon interrupted]

So I recently finished Life is Strange (highly recommended) and mental health is a core focus of the story.

I wanted to ask what some other favorites are that have helped you all ease or better understand some of the mental health struggles that you go through?

It can be anything. Movies, shows, songs, games, books, etc.

I was a mess a while back and a book that gave me hope was Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse. It may be more relevant today than ever. SPOILERS: It's about a middle-aged German newspaper editor who finds himself unemployed when he tries to fight the rising tide of nationalism in 1930s Germany. He finds himself going through an existential crisis until he meets a young girl in the jazz scene who reminds him what life is about. It blends reality with fantasy and deals with many subjects incuding a bit of gender bending. Near the end the protagonist is looking down into the pieces of a shattered mirror, each one reflecting himself. And he is told that each reflection is a facet of his personality, a part of a whole and he can choose which reflections to make larger and smaller. He can remake himself in whichever way he chooses, whenever he wants.

And for while I was happier, or thought I was. I was still a junky and an arrogant idiot, though. I'm a different kind of mess these days. Abuse, a drug induced psychotic episode, suicide attempts, PTSD have seen to that, but I feel better in my skin and am trying to heal myself. The deepest wounds I have are psychological. Sadly, I can't get much joy out of gaming, scary or violent films and many other things at the moment . I have begun listening to music again-for a while I couldn't because I couldn't stop myself from crying since music stimulates the mind and the only thing my brain had to offer was bad memories and sadness. Plus the kind of music I am/was into is emotional stuff so it's quite evocative. Stuff like Natalie Merchant. I would post some Natalie Merchant but it's a bit heavy for in here. I will post a song that I used to find some solace in... not sure these days.

##POTENTIAL TRIGGER##
Sarah Barreilles - Breathe Again
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ktUzbiN2s

If I don't get my head out of my butt soon then work will pile up and my mood will become far worse than it is now. I'm proactive enough to realize this, but all I've done the past few days is mope around about body issues and sexuality bullshit.

I wish I could find solace in something/anything at the moment.

Edit: I should really find someone to talk to.

If it's something you feel uncomfortable about chatting in the thread feel free to PM me if you want. Although I'm pretty messed up myself and can't promise I'll be very insightful

Its ok I pretty much settled on ending everything after i return from Japan.

Please don't do it neo. The world would be a poorer place without you. You seem like a decent guy and we need decent guys to balance out the badness. Exhaust every avenue and seek help before abandoning all hope. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat and don't forget the resources in the op.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

So I recently finished Life is Strange (highly recommended) and mental health is a core focus of the story.

I wanted to ask what some other favorites are that have helped you all ease or better understand some of the mental health struggles that you go through?

It can be anything. Movies, shows, songs, games, books, etc.

Punch-Drunk Love
Elliot Smith
Nick Drake

All very relatable and useful to me.

 

[Steamlord]

So I recently finished Life is Strange (highly recommended) and mental health is a core focus of the story.

I wanted to ask what some other favorites are that have helped you all ease or better understand some of the mental health struggles that you go through?

It can be anything. Movies, shows, songs, games, books, etc.

The best song about social anxiety

 

[driggonny]

If it's something you feel uncomfortable about chatting in the thread feel free to PM me if you want. Although I'm pretty messed up myself and can't promise I'll be very insightful

Thank you! But it's nothing so bad that I couldn't mention it in the thread. In fact it's probably fairly mundane.

I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but every time I try to think about it I get really anxious. I feel like my depressive mind is convinced that I only believe that I'm bisexual because in some perverted sense it makes me "different." Of course, it's honestly hard for me to tell if it's my rational or irrational brain speaking at times. I had a therapist in high school that seemed very skeptical when I brought up an attraction to guys and I think that skepticism has followed me to this day. I've pretty much dealt with this by just ignoring those thoughts and I would honestly say I was pretty content with doing that. But for some reason that mental struggle has cropped up again and I'm finding it hard to ignore. And when that issue comes up I get depressed due to the anxiety and that leads to depressive thoughts about how I'm not cute and not skinny enough and blah blah blah.

Oh god, that was a bit longer than I intended! Thank you so much for replying to me. I've been fairly isolated recently and it means a lot. If you ever want to PM me about those messed up things I promise that I'm not one to judge

 

[Lemaitre]

So I recently finished Life is Strange (highly recommended) and mental health is a core focus of the story.

I wanted to ask what some other favorites are that have helped you all ease or better understand some of the mental health struggles that you go through?

It can be anything. Movies, shows, songs, games, books, etc.

For bi-polarity I really enjoyed:

The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive Part 1

The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive Part 2

Then the follow up ten years later: The Not So Secret Life of a Manic Depressive

All very informative while still being a tad entertaining thanks to the talents of Stephen Fry.

 

[pigeon interrupted]

Thank you! But it's nothing so bad that I couldn't mention it in the thread. In fact it's probably fairly mundane.

I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but every time I try to think about it I get really anxious. I feel like my depressive mind is convinced that I only believe that I'm bisexual because in some perverted sense it makes me "different." Of course, it's honestly hard for me to tell if it's my rational or irrational brain speaking at times. I had a therapist in high school that seemed very skeptical when I brought up an attraction to guys and I think that skepticism has followed me to this day. I've pretty much dealt with this by just ignoring those thoughts and I would honestly say I was pretty content with doing that. But for some reason that mental struggle has cropped up again and I'm finding it hard to ignore. And when that issue comes up I get depressed due to the anxiety and that leads to depressive thoughts about how I'm not cute and not skinny enough and blah blah blah.

Oh god, that was a bit longer than I intended! Thank you so much for replying to me. I've been fairly isolated recently and it means a lot. If you ever want to PM me about those messed up things I promise that I'm not one to judge

Wow. I'm sorry that your therapist did that to you. They are meant to aleviate anxieties not cause them. I always say I have had a similar experience... but I have And the way I was treated turned me away from therapy for a few years and filled me with self-doubt and a little anger. Obviously not all therapists are the same, so try to not let it turn you off seeking help if you ever need to.

It's natural to question your motivations on the surface but I think deep down you probably know yourself better than you think. Maybe your bad therapy experience has caused a negative association and that is the dominant thing that comes to mind when you think about your sexuality. If so, you need to do some negative association extinction. Don't be afraid to explore your sexuality and try to make positive associations to it. You could try chatting with people on LGBTQIA+ forums and there are threads here on GAF. See what else you find out about yourself (remember, there is no point having a mind if you don't use it; feel free to change it).

If you feel up to it then you could visit local gay bars, or even attend local groups or marches like Pride. I'm not sure of your family and social situation so take this with a grain of salt: if you're closeted (depending how you feel it would be received!) you could talk to your family and/or friends about your possible feelings and intentions. I used to be so far in the closet that I could have found Narnia and coming out as trans female and bisexual is one of the best things I have ever done. If you prefer privacy and stealth disregard that one

Feel free to express yourself and post as much as you want. Thanks for the offer, hon. Maybe one day I will take it up but I feel bad inflicting the level of f'd upness that I have experienced on others, haha

Hey guys so the main disorder I struggle with is OCD and my biggest fear right now is whether or not I should get back on medication. Every time I get on it, it helps me and doesn't give me too terrible side effects. But eventually, I stop taking it for reasons like: "I don't need it anymore, i feel fine" or" what if it is actually giving me side effects, i just dont notice"

This sounds like reassurance seeking, which is a huge no no for OCD recovery but I truly do want y'alls opinion on this. Does taking or not taking meds matter? I'm currently trying to do ERP and ACT therapy by reading all I can about it and exposing myself gradually to my fears, but I'm doing it alone and not with a therapist.

I'm not too familiar with OCD, I'm afraid. Regarding medication: is your condition intruding on everyday life to the point that it's causing you concern or distress? If so, I would talk it out with your doc which may result in medication/therapy. If not, I guess you could maybe continue on your journey. I did google ACT and ERP and to my uninformed eyes they seem to involve negative association and behavior extinction, mindfulness + philosophy among other things. I managed to cure my crippling fear of spiders through exposure (now I find them fascinating and... cute, yay!) after doing a course on behavioral science and wish you success in your efforts. Learning how the mind works adds to your arsenal, imo. You may be interested to research pranayama breathing meditation and the philosophy behind meditation. I used to do it myself, although I'm too frazzled these days to do it seriously but it has helped me deal with anxiety in the past and it can be another weapon for your arsenal. Don't hesitate to consult a therapist if you need to since the methods you mention are usually administered by a professional.

I managed to will myself to have breakfast before midday today, so I consider that an achievement. Though, I'm still not feeling much better, and I'm counting the days until my next counselling appointment. I got an email from the university regarding my awful attendance this term and I sent one back telling them about how I'm feeling and that I'm getting help, etc. I haven't heard back from them yet and I don't know whether that's a good thing or not.

I'm sorry that you are living with a jerk. As long as the bullying isn't physical you could try to ignore him or just treat him like he's a fungus specimen and be cold and clinical I know these guys can be intimidating, though. Bullys thrive on your reactions. Ideally, if you can find alternative accommodation that would be the way to go. Good luck with uni.

 

[Cepheus]

Thank you! But it's nothing so bad that I couldn't mention it in the thread. In fact it's probably fairly mundane.

I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but every time I try to think about it I get really anxious. I feel like my depressive mind is convinced that I only believe that I'm bisexual because in some perverted sense it makes me "different." Of course, it's honestly hard for me to tell if it's my rational or irrational brain speaking at times.

I feel exactly the same way. I discovered that I was bisexual fairly recently, but due to the fact that a lot of my online friends are part of the LGBT+ community I still have doubts over whether I actually am or whether I've just told myself I am because I want to 'fit in'. I'm fairly certain I am bisexual but my brain keeps telling me the latter and I've told barely anyone about it for that reason. I keep worrying that if I tell my friends/family that I am, but then I find out I'm not, I would have lied to them and it would be harder for them to trust me on things in the future.

I managed to will myself to have breakfast before midday today, so I consider that an achievement. Though, I'm still not feeling much better, and I'm counting the days until my next counselling appointment. I got an email from the university regarding my awful attendance this term and I sent one back telling them about how I'm feeling and that I'm getting help, etc. I haven't heard back from them yet and I don't know whether that's a good thing or not.

 

[Mr. F]

Wondering if anyone has advice on balancing staying informed on current events but also not letting it drag you into utter despair.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

Wondering if anyone has advice on balancing staying informed on current events but also not letting it drag you into utter despair.

Is your personal life going well? Take solace in people you care about.

 

[driggonny]

Wow. I'm sorry that your therapist did that to you. They are meant to aleviate anxieties not cause them. I always say I have had a similar experience... but I have And the way I was treated turned me away from therapy for a few years and filled me with self-doubt and a little anger. Obviously not all therapists are the same, so try to not let it turn you off seeking help if you ever need to.

It's natural to question your motivations on the surface but I think deep down you probably know yourself better than you think. Maybe your bad therapy experience has caused a negative association and that is the dominant thing that comes to mind when you think about your sexuality. If so, you need to do some negative association extinction. Don't be afraid to explore your sexuality and try to make positive associations to it. You could try chatting with people on LGBTQIA+ forums and there are threads here on GAF. See what else you find out about yourself (remember, there is no point having a mind if you don't use it; feel free to change it).

If you feel up to it then you could visit local gay bars, or even attend local groups or marches like Pride. I'm not sure of your family and social situation so take this with a grain of salt: if you're closeted (depending how you feel it would be received!) you could talk to your family and/or friends about your possible feelings and intentions. I used to be so far in the closet that I could have found Narnia and coming out as trans female and bisexual is one of the best things I have ever done. If you prefer privacy and stealth disregard that one

Feel free to express yourself and post as much as you want. Thanks for the offer, hon. Maybe one day I will take it up but I feel bad inflicting the level of f'd upness that I have experienced on others, haha

Thanks for the advice! You're probably right: that therapist's response messed with me more than I realized. The first thought I have every time I think about being open about my sexuality is the doubt he showed as a professional being right. But the reality is that it's been six years since then and if those feelings weren't true or were just a phase they'd be gone by now.

And there's no need to worry about me seeking help. I stopped going to that therapist soon after and have been with several therapists since. I don't know if it's a good thing but I started exclusively going to female psychologists because of my poor experiences with the men. Unfortunately I've never brought up my sexuality to any of them for fear of getting a similar response. :/

I actually did message one of my best friends last night who is studying abroad in Germany and finally admitted to her the extent of my depression and sexual leanings. She actually seemed very supportive despite her religious background. That definitely made me feel better, but she's not going to be back for a while and I'm not sure how much actual support I can expect considering how conservative she is.

The only other person I've told was my mother back at around the same time I told that therapist. She seemed accepting enough but it's never really come up again and I honestly don't even know if she remembers.

I have thought of going to my campus's GLBT resource center/club (i don't know why it's in that order lol) but the idea of doing that alone scares the hell out of me. I have no idea what that would even entail. I already have a bit of social anxiety and am very introverted and the idea of showing up at that club alone makes my anxiety go nuts; way worse than public speaking. I honestly don't know anybody who is LGBT and I probably won't unless I go to one of those meetings so I guess I'm screwing myself into a corner with that logic.

Maybe I'll introduce myself at some point in the LGBTQIA+ community forum. I actually have been lurking there a bit.

I feel exactly the same way. I discovered that I was bisexual fairly recently, but due to the fact that a lot of my online friends are part of the LGBT+ community I still have doubts over whether I actually am or whether I've just told myself I am because I want to 'fit in'. I'm fairly certain I am bisexual but my brain keeps telling me the latter and I've told barely anyone about it for that reason. I keep worrying that if I tell my friends/family that I am, but then I find out I'm not, I would have lied to them and it would be harder for them to trust me on things in the future.

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's a terrible feeling made so much worse by anxiety and depression. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wish I knew what to say to raise your confidence but clearly I can't even convince myself.



Oh god, I wrote even more. Introspection is exhausting D:

 

[brianjones]

Wondering if anyone has advice on balancing staying informed on current events but also not letting it drag you into utter despair.

I'm having a rough couple days here

it only makes me feel worse knowing other people are in more dire straits and that i shouldn't "deserve" to feel depressed

if only the act of suicide weren't such a frightening prospect

 

[Evil's Bane]

Hey, Mental Health Gaf. I'm pretty sure I have depression now, but I'm not sure where to go next or who to confide in. After seeing the way my brother was treated after he told our parents what he was feeling I don't know if I could go through with that. I have friends, good ones, but I know at least some of them would call me weak from what they say about others. I feel like I can't be honest, so I just lie when people ask me about my low energy and say I don't get enough sleep, when I probably sleep more than everyone I know.

Even posting here makes me a little nervous. I probably wouldn't if I went by my usual online handle. So many people see me differently then how I actually feel.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

Hey, Mental Health Gaf. I'm pretty sure I have depression now, but I'm not sure where to go next or who to confide in. After seeing the way my brother was treated after he told our parents what he was feeling I don't know if I could go through with that. I have friends, good ones, but I know at least some of them would call me weak from what they say about others. I feel like I can't be honest, so I just lie when people ask me about my low energy and say I don't get enough sleep, when I probably sleep more than everyone I know.

Even posting here makes me a little nervous. I probably wouldn't if I went by my usual online handle. So many people see me differently then how I actually feel.

I'm in a similar boat, and I find posting here helps a little bit, although obviously it shouldn't be the only thing we do.

I've been told that I should get therapy, but ehhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[Lemaitre]

I'm in a similar boat, and I find posting here helps a little bit, although obviously it shouldn't be the only thing we do.

I've been told that I should get therapy, but ehhhhhhhhhhhhh

You and Evil's Bane should also consider support groups as well. There is the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance.

If you click on this link you can search your state and see if there are any local meetings in your area.

I would give it a shot at the very least. That way you can hear from others who suffer from Depression and how they've been coping, or perhaps how therapy/medication has helped them. They also have meetings specifically for young adults (18-30), and meetings for all ages. I'll be going to my first meeting this Tuesday as I just found out this organization was a thing. They meet at a local hospital and it's free, so I figure I have nothing to lose.

 

[pigeon interrupted]

I actually did message one of my best friends last night who is studying abroad in Germany and finally admitted to her the extent of my depression and sexual leanings. She actually seemed very supportive despite her religious background. That definitely made me feel better, but she's not going to be back for a while and I'm not sure how much actual support I can expect considering how conservative she is.

The only other person I've told was my mother back at around the same time I told that therapist. She seemed accepting enough but it's never really come up again and I honestly don't even know if she remembers.

I'm glad your friend is being supportive. Sometimes it helps clear the mind just getting things out there and talking about them. Religion is a tricky one and is very much down to the practitioner to value humanity and friendship over a few paragraphs of scripture. Hopefully she has some moderate values. And your mum sounds awesome.

I have thought of going to my campus's GLBT resource center/club (i don't know why it's in that order lol) but the idea of doing that alone scares the hell out of me. I have no idea what that would even entail. I already have a bit of social anxiety and am very introverted and the idea of showing up at that club alone makes my anxiety go nuts; way worse than public speaking. I honestly don't know anybody who is LGBT and I probably won't unless I go to one of those meetings so I guess I'm screwing myself into a corner with that logic.

Maybe I'll introduce myself at some point in the LGBTQIA+ community forum. I actually have been lurking there a bit.

Gays must have overthrown the Lesbian matriarchy at your campus ;P I can understand the social anxiety since I used to get mad social anxiety (especially around crowds) but the older I get the less I seem to care what people think of me. These clubs are usually quite friendly groups of people. I guess the relative anonymity of the forum is a good place to build confidence. And I am so guilty of lurking LGBTQIA+ myself, maybe one day I'll pop in and say hello. Not having to hide who you are is good for the mind in many ways-that's not to say there won't be obstacles but in my experience it seems the better route

RIP Pamplemousse

I'm so paranoid my ex has told others about my harm OCD. I keep thinking that if she has I will kill myself. I won't contact her to find out and that's for the best. Not finding out I mean. When my OCD escalated to having the harmful intrusive thoughts, I made a plan to kill myself. At the time I had no idea what was happening and was afraid that something was wrong with me. If she's told anyone, I'm afraid they won't understand and maybe I'm just better off dead. I don't even want to post this in this thread. I don't even want strangers to know. I don't know what to do. I suppose I should just assume she hasn't told anyone and go about my life as normal. For the record I rarely have harmful intrusive thoughts anymore. My medication helps a ton, and I understand now they are just thoughts that mean nothing.

OCD really sucks. I'm spoiler tagging this so I don't trigger anyone. I wish I never had it. I've had it since I was a small child.

Spoiler

I used to ask my mom if I was really alive, if life was real, if she was really my mom. Then I started putting my fingers in the window of a car and rolling it up to crush my finger. I told myself that if I didn't do that I would die. That the car would crash or I would die later. I used to wash my hands constantly. From childhood to being a teenager I had to check my closet and underneath my bed for spiders. I used to drink an entire glass of water after brushing my teeth, convinced that otherwise I would die. I've had lightswitch routines, alarm clock routines, etc. Last year, I finally acknowledged my OCD. After probably 19 years of having it. And last year, it got to the worst its ever been. I started having violent intrusive thoughts that nearly led me to kill myself and that are making me think of it again. Again these days it's not as bad. As I said I'm thinking of hurting myself because I'm afraid people may know specifically of my thoughts. Thoughts I never wanted to have, thoughts that I rarely have now. The only compulsion I can think that I do now is turn on my toothbrush multiple times. But sometimes I don't do it.

Again, fuck OCD. I hate it.

That sounds awful, Safs I didn't really understand how OCD affects people, so I'm glad you posted about it. And after reading it, I can tell you that I don't think anything less of you for having OCD and actually admire your honesty. I'm just sad you've had to suffer like that. But it really doesn't matter what I think, nor anyone else. Your doing better now, so try not to dwell on the past. I hide my arms because I don't want people to judge me on the cuts up my wrists but recently I've had a series of injections over the course of a few months, each time a new nurse, and each time I felt obligated to explain what happened. All but one nurse was understanding and sympathetic. Lovely, even. The one nurse who wasn't just went into an awkward silence with a few sideways glances exchanged. But she was transitory in my life, a temporary acquaintance.

Try not to worry what strangers think. While it isn't the nicest thing having others know your private business, it isn't the worst and there will be people who understand and are sympathetic. And sometimes it's turns out to be worth the inconvenience to know that some people can be understanding

 

[Cepheus]

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's a terrible feeling made so much worse by anxiety and depression. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wish I knew what to say to raise your confidence but clearly I can't even convince myself.

It's OK. I've only told two people outside of the Internet about it (all my online friends know and they're fine with it), who were a guy I know who is gay and was predictably really accepting of that, and my youngest sister, who's a lesbian, so the same thing applied there. She told me she'd already sussed that I was bi anyway. Still, I've never told anyone outside of members of the LGBTQIA+ community and I'm kind of worried as to how people outside of it would react. My mother and other sister tend to be wary of stuff I do because to them I go through a lot of phases and they would probably regard this as just another phase of mine. I put my youngest sister under strict orders to not tell them. That, and my father is incredibly racist/homophobic (despite being the mixed-race son of two immigrants from different countries) and once told me that he'd disown me if I was gay. I don't really care about him, though, since he hasn't lived with us in over two years now and I actively avoid speaking with him. I haven't posted in the GAF LGBTQIA+ thread yet, mostly due to this uneasy feeling about my sexuality.

 

[demon]

I recently decreased my meds on my own, was on 100mg Zoloft and cut it down to 50mg at least a week or so ago. I've been feeling less motivated and lazy lately and I don't know if it's because of that or not. Just started my third semester of school and I'm already just not feeling the drive I had the last two semesters that's allowed me to maintain a 4.0. I don't know if I'm just burned out or what. Also have anxiety over the worst financial situation I've ever been in. I've been on these meds for around two years and I want to get off them sooner than later but it's hard to tell what effect it's really having. Maybe this isn't the time to reduce my dosage. :-/

Also been having weird sleep problems that are bugging me again. Keep waking up every couple hours with anxiety that I feel like stems from the dreams I'm having. Hard to explain. Just wish shit was easier.

 

[brianjones]

I recently decreased my meds on my own, was on 100mg Zoloft and cut it down to 50mg at least a week or so ago. I've been feeling less motivated and lazy lately and I don't know if it's because of that or not. Just started my third semester of school and I'm already just not feeling the drive I had the last two semesters that's allowed me to maintain a 4.0. I don't know if I'm just burned out or what. Also have anxiety over the worst financial situation I've ever been in. I've been on these meds for around two years and I want to get off them sooner than later but it's hard to tell what effect it's really having. Maybe this isn't the time to reduce my dosage. :-/

Also been having weird sleep problems that are bugging me again. Keep waking up every couple hours with anxiety that I feel like stems from the dreams I'm having. Hard to explain. Just wish shit was easier.

going through something similar.. I've been on celexa 20 mg for about 3-4 years now and recently decided to stop because i feel like I've hit a wall in trying to lose to weight

i went cold turkey which probably wasn't a good idea.. i was fine for about 2 weeks but today was really bad.. had some of the worst anxiety and depression I've ever felt that started right when i woke up.. had really bad nausea and was forcing myself to get sick.. i panicked that this was the "real me" without the medication but after searching google i found some peace of mind that these symptoms are normal and will pass eventually.

anyway i hope you feel better dude.. i would talk try and talk about that with your prescriber if you can

 

[unknownstranger]

Was going to quote Demon but I'll keep this separate. I also just cut my Zoloft down from 100mg to 50mg about 4 weeks ago. I've been in basically the same situation as him. I started 2 classes about right when I started this and it's been extremely up and down for me. I was struggling extremely hard with classes. I've sent my teacher some questionable emails saying stuff like how much trouble I've been having and it's been making me want to hurt myself. I told him that if I felt like I was going to fail I'd want to drop the classes now but if I do that I'm basically just a deadbeat mooching off of my mom. I'm autistic and 26 years old still living with my mom. She completely supports me with everything I do, but I feel like I do nothing for her. There's no regular jobs around here that I would be able to function properly at and earn money. I've been slowly taking classes from the community college here and hoping to eventually get into something with computers, but I've been struggling a ton with these classes. However, I've finally been able to get a little better grip of these classes but my grade still isn't that good. Midterms are next week which are 25% of my grade for both classes, and if I fail those I'm going to probably spiral down again.

Anyways, I mainly just needed to vent a little. I want to eventually get off all of my medication (also on Geodon and Lamictal) but my doctor suggested Zoloft would be the easiest to quit. Physically I haven't felt much different but mentally as I said I've been all over the place. My goal right now is after these classes, I'm going to take a quarter off and try to get myself right mentally and physically. I want to try to get myself to eat healthier, go back to the gym and lower my Zoloft even further.

 

[driggonny]

I'm not sure why you guys want to get off your meds so badly, but I wouldn't recommend doing anything with your dosage without the approval of your psychiatrist. I would be worried about the mental ramifications if they really are helping you more than the withdrawal symptoms. I really just think that in times like this you need outside person to monitor how your mood changes because I wouldn't trust myself to make that call.

I'm not going to be getting much sleep this week. I lost sooooo much time with that last episode of depression. Hopefully I can maintain motivation and not fall into another rut in the meantime. I'm feeling much better but I wouldn't be surprised if the stress got the best of me.

 

[YesManKablaam]

I'm actually having a fairly decent swing upwards lately. I'm still crushingly down regarding my break up from many months ago, but I've managed to kick some things into gear to get myself moving this year.

The original plan was to move to Bulgaria with my ex when she graduated, obviously that isn't on the card anymore. I was out there when the EU Referendum happened (I postal voted) and that pretty much cemented that I wanted to get out of the UK, and I'm trying to adhere to that even if it's a revised version. So I've started working as a bicycle courier which is actually fairly decent, keeps me fit and active and outside, which is helpful to my mental state. And I took a TEFL course and got my certification (and a letter of commendation saying I come highly recommended, which was flattering), and have since been applying like crazy to all manner of jobs.

And I heard back from quite a few! The initial offer was for a 15-month contract in China, which I thought was too daunting and probably not the best idea given that I'm still in a rattled state, so I instead applied myself to a bunch of summer camp jobs. Short-term work, closer to home than China, a chance to build my skills and confidence before venturing further out. So it turns out that from March onwards I'm going to be spending my Spring/Summer working in France, Italy, Romania and Austria!

For the time being I have been going to counselling and reconsidered medication, and have started feeling a lot more comfortable and secure in myself. It took a long time but it finally feels like the cloud is partially lifting, I'm living for myself and applying myself. I've been more social lately and I find I'm more engaged with my hobbies and interests. I'm not going to proclaim myself cured or definitely in control, but for the first time in a long time I really feel like I have something to live for, something that I'm doing for myself.

I know that I'll still get hurt down the road, that I will think of my ex and be wistful for that time, but at least I can truly say that I'm making an effort to live my life and find a way onwards. I hope it continues.

 

[JDHarbs]

I'm actually having a fairly decent swing upwards lately. I'm still crushingly down regarding my break up from many months ago, but I've managed to kick some things into gear to get myself moving this year.

The original plan was to move to Bulgaria with my ex when she graduated, obviously that isn't on the card anymore. I was out there when the EU Referendum happened (I postal voted) and that pretty much cemented that I wanted to get out of the UK, and I'm trying to adhere to that even if it's a revised version. So I've started working as a bicycle courier which is actually fairly decent, keeps me fit and active and outside, which is helpful to my mental state. And I took a TEFL course and got my certification (and a letter of commendation saying I come highly recommended, which was flattering), and have since been applying like crazy to all manner of jobs.

And I heard back from quite a few! The initial offer was for a 15-month contract in China, which I thought was too daunting and probably not the best idea given that I'm still in a rattled state, so I instead applied myself to a bunch of summer camp jobs. Short-term work, closer to home than China, a chance to build my skills and confidence before venturing further out. So it turns out that from March onwards I'm going to be spending my Spring/Summer working in France, Italy, Romania and Austria!

For the time being I have been going to counselling and reconsidered medication, and have started feeling a lot more comfortable and secure in myself. It took a long time but it finally feels like the cloud is partially lifting, I'm living for myself and applying myself. I've been more social lately and I find I'm more engaged with my hobbies and interests. I'm not going to proclaim myself cured or definitely in control, but for the first time in a long time I really feel like I have something to live for, something that I'm doing for myself.

I know that I'll still get hurt down the road, that I will think of my ex and be wistful for that time, but at least I can truly say that I'm making an effort to live my life and find a way onwards. I hope it continues.

That's fantastic! Keep it up! I think we all need some hope for brighter days right now.

 

[YesManKablaam]

I do believe perspective and outlook play an enormous part of it. It's something that my counsellor asserted, that dependent on how you frame a situation, you can purposefully push yourself further into that hole.

In my case it was that I was struggling to continue living in the city where I met and lived with my ex, and decided to move home. Before the proper move I reached a low point and emergency circumstances forced me to go back home. Since I've been back I haven't really enjoyed my time, I don't want to be here and regret the move, I wish I could have stayed in my old job with my friends and continued living in a city that I enjoyed living in (Glasgow). I've been sitting around so much, lamenting my past decisions and feeling utterly unable to progress, just overwhelmed by grief.

Let's rephrase it. I realised I couldn't handle where I was living, so made the brave choice to leave. Circumstances could have been better, but I still committed to that decision. Since then I have come to the realisation that where I grew up doesn't really feel like home, so I took the chance to reducate myself and try and get out of here while still developing skills and potentially seeking a career. Sure, I'm still in mourning, but I've realised how I feel towards certain places and have made a concerted effort tot ry and change that.

It's a slowass crawl upwards, but it is happening. Some things are still too much for me (fuck dating, am not emotionally ready for that) but when properly reflecting I've actually been able to make steps. And that's good! I don't know what the future holds, but at least I'm not dreading it.

 

[Lemaitre]

I'm not sure why you guys want to get off your meds so badly, but I wouldn't recommend doing anything with your dosage without the approval of your psychiatrist. I would be worried about the mental ramifications if they really are helping you more than the withdrawal symptoms. I really just think that in times like this you need outside person to monitor how your mood changes because I wouldn't trust myself to make that call.

I'll just go ahead and echo this sentiment. No one here should be reducing the amount of dosage or stopping their medication without first consulting with their physician/psychiatrist. It's dangerous to tinker your dosages based on the way you feel that day or week. Please just call your doctor's office and move your appointment up if you'd like to discuss altering your dose. The same applies to anyone who wants to get off their medications. Voice your concerns to your physician and see what they have to say. If you're perturbed or unhappy with your current doctor try to get a second opinion but don't just go off/alter your medications guys and gals!

I guess I'm extra weary of this right now because I have read and seen first hand the impact altering or discontinuing medication has on people. My brother, when first diagnosed as bi-polar, would refuse to take his medications or take them intermittently. He was worse off for doing so, and it had a huge negative impact on our family. Nowadays he is heeding the psychiatrist's advice and he has made slow but steady improvement. If he ever wants to alter his dosage he calls to move ahead his appointment. I know seeking treatment is difficult, and accepting medication for a lot of people is even harder, but please be aware of the ramifications of your decisions. Not just for yourself but for your family, friends, and other loved one's.

This week for me has been interesting. I have made some real progress with my psychologist and I have an appointment this Wednesday again with him. I have had one EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) session with him about some childhood trauma I experienced. It really helped me out, and I'll be doing another EMDR session on my divorce with my ex-wife. I'm actually quite nervous about it, and there is a good chance I'll break down discussing this with him but I'm game if it means putting this awful life event in context.

Friday I have an appointment with the in-house psychiatrist. I looked up his bio and he has a background in anxiety and bi-polarity which is great. It will be interesting to hear what he has to say about me and what medication he starts me on, if any.

The last bit of news for me is that the anxiety medication I had started through my primary physician (Inderal) ended up having awful side effects for me. I loved what it did to my social/general anxiety but it made my feet swell up and itch, gave me vision problems, and made my hands & feet way too cold. I'll definitely at least ask for an alternative for Inderal to combat my anxiety on Friday. However I'd like to avoid Xanax or any of the more addictive anxiety medications. Does anyone here have experience with any anxiety medications or could they offer advice?

 

[unknownstranger]

I'm not sure why you guys want to get off your meds so badly, but I wouldn't recommend doing anything with your dosage without the approval of your psychiatrist. I would be worried about the mental ramifications if they really are helping you more than the withdrawal symptoms. I really just think that in times like this you need outside person to monitor how your mood changes because I wouldn't trust myself to make that call.

I'm not going to be getting much sleep this week. I lost sooooo much time with that last episode of depression. Hopefully I can maintain motivation and not fall into another rut in the meantime. I'm feeling much better but I wouldn't be surprised if the stress got the best of me.

I got approval from my doctor to lower my Zoloft subscription, to take a half pill instead of a full pill. I met with him last week to check up on how it's been going and told him I'm not ready to drop it further yet.

 

[driggonny]

I got approval from my doctor to lower my Zoloft subscription, to take a half pill instead of a full pill. I met with him last week to check up on how it's been going and told him I'm not ready to drop it further yet.

That's good! I'm sorry I was being presumptuous. I just wanted to make sure because I've seen people change their dosage or stop taking their pills altogether thinking they're fine and the results are never good.

 

[JDHarbs]

I find it strange that I become incredibly energized when I'm the only person in my house. I don't know if it's because my family is a negative influence on me or if I'm just more comfortable being alone which is odd because loneliness is a huge factor in my depression. My sleeping schedule was way off recently where I would sleep through the day and never come into contact with my family. My mood was noticeably better during that time. I appreciate what my family has done for me over the years, but they have no idea how to deal with someone struggling with mental health problems and it has worsened my struggles over the years. My sister left after she graduated high school years ago, and now she's happier than ever. I want that to be me.

I've been fantasizing about moving away lately. It would be a dream come true to just pack up my things and go somewhere to start a new life. I've got my own car now, $15k saved up, and a freelance job that lets me work remotely. I have no friends, partner, or career keeping me here. This city is just filled with too many bad memories. I want, no, I need a fresh start, but I'm paranoid about all of the things that could go wrong.

 

[unknownstranger]

That's good! I'm sorry I was being presumptuous. I just wanted to make sure because I've seen people change their dosage or stop taking their pills altogether thinking they're fine and the results are never good.

I've always thought about trying to quit my medication but I didn't want to do it without getting approval first. I've been on Zoloft for nearly 12 years. I feel like I don't and shouldn't need it anymore. I've been on Geodon and Lamictal nearly as long as well but I know those will be much harder to quit.

 

[TangerineCloud]

God, now I understand why some people become isolated and closed off after break-ups. Haven't felt pain and anxiety like this since I was suicidal. It might be even worse. I'll have a day or two where I think it's gone, but it just keeps creeping back. I can't focus on anything else. Eating and sleeping are difficult. And on top of that, my anxiety just keeps bringing up intrusive thoughts that make the experience more agonizing than it already is. Fuck. I just want the suffering to be over.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Its the same for me. For a while after I accepted things were over, I felt decent. I was motivated and doing okay. But now I don't get much done. I'm not living too healthy. I may be enjoying myself and I suddenly start crying out of nowhere. I find movies especially hard to enjoy now for some reason. I know it helps to talk or see others but I just don't feel like it.

This is the craziest part to me so far. I was feeling great for most of this weekend! I was looking ahead at all the new opportunities out there to meet people and improve myself! It was seeming like I was done grieving. But then yesterday the pain just came flooding back out of nowhere. And now it almost feels like I'm back at square one. There's something so cruel about thinking you're over something devastating only to have your mind suddenly turn against you and revive the pain.

I hope you can find the motivation within you to get out there and be social. I'm planning on going to an internet meet-up for people with anxiety on Saturday, and I've tried to make an effort to exchange texts and meet up with the few people I can consider friends. While my suffering is almost certainly far from over, those few steps I've taken to be social have provided me with a great deal of temporary relief and given me hope that things can still get better someday. And that that day might even come sooner than I think. If you push yourself a little (or a lot), maybe you'll be able to find some temporary inner peace, too.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Well, I wish I can say I was doing better.

It's been hard dealing with the weight of the current state of my country, weighing my own ambitions with what I feel is right. My father drifting evermore into that pool of fascist madness, the news, everything has me seething. I'm depressed, I'm upset, we're broke and getting even worse.

I'm always depressed, empty, and upset. I'm always in immense physical pain and fatigue. Christ it sucks.

Things just getting worse at home, just compounds and somedays I feel like I am going to snap.

Both NIGHT- and Pamplemousse aren't far away from my thoughts on many occasions, sometimes I find myself thinking about them, thinking about my own problems, and the people I've lost to suicide.

Now as I get into February I have to finish my novel and get it formatted into Kindle format before March 1st. It's also going to be hard because this is the month I found out about my ex's suicide three years ago.

Yet, the pain and the madness make me want to end it all but I won't. I don't really know why, besides a fear of hell. I mean sure I live in a living hell but something in my heart tells me there is something worse, but I don't know what happens after this life but I hope and imagine God as a merciful being, even if I consider him a fucking asshole.

Part of me wants to see if my novel will change my life for the better, or maybe me.
I don't know.


I just want to believe there is a point in my life, to my life, and to my torment and the torment of others.

But I know that is just madness.

 

[Hey_Blinkin]

I have my first appointment for therapy next week. I've been really trying to narrow down my issues and see how many are related to a specific thing. While I can list like ten different things I feel are wrong, some seem "grouped" so to speak like they might have a central cause.

I keep coming back to how I overreact to things. For instance, I walk by a women I find attractive at work and she doesn't make eye contact or looks away. That alone is enough to ruin my day. Or say my boss is in a bad mood. I automatically assume it's because of me and I stress about it all evening. I'm at the gym and there are a couple guys laughing a couple benches over. I just assume they're laughing at me and I want to leave. Sometimes it's as simple as a conversation I had with someone. I'll replay it over and over again in my head wondering if I came off as strange.

Is it paranoia? Anxiety? Something else? I really feel like it would help me tremendously if I could get over this one thing.

 

[TangerineCloud]

I have my first appointment for therapy next week. I've been really trying to narrow down my issues and see how many are related to a specific thing. While I can list like ten different things I feel are wrong, some seem "grouped" so to speak like they might have a central cause.

I keep coming back to how I overreact to things. For instance, I walk by a women I find attractive at work and she doesn't make eye contact or looks away. That alone is enough to ruin my day. Or say my boss is in a bad mood. I automatically assume it's because of me and I stress about it all evening. I'm at the gym and there are a couple guys laughing a couple benches over. I just assume they're laughing at me and I want to leave. Sometimes it's as simple as a conversation I had with someone. I'll replay it over and over again in my head wondering if I came off as strange.

Is it paranoia? Anxiety? Something else? I really feel like it would help me tremendously if I could get over this one thing.

I've dealt with stuff of this nature. Always considered it to be a part of my social anxiety, though the label isn't super important, I suppose. For what it's worth, I was largely able to overcome those issues with the help of my therapist and rarely worry about things like that now. I definitely think there's some hope for you.

 

[BadTaste]

Lately customers at my work have been noting that I look harassed/depressed/stressed out. Adding to the stress I have to attend court in 6 hours. Fml.