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[charlemagne]

I have my first appointment for therapy next week. I've been really trying to narrow down my issues and see how many are related to a specific thing. While I can list like ten different things I feel are wrong, some seem "grouped" so to speak like they might have a central cause.

[snip]

Is it paranoia? Anxiety? Something else? I really feel like it would help me tremendously if I could get over this one thing.

This is exactly what the therapist should help you figure out. You don't have to show up and go "Okay, my issue is X help me fix it." Good luck!

 

[half a moon]

Lately customers at my work have been noting that I look harassed/depressed/stressed out. Adding to the stress I have to attend court in 6 hours. Fml.

I know the feel. Mine went well, no jail time. Good luck.

 

[jb1234]

Well, I wish I can say I was doing better.

It's been hard dealing with the weight of the current state of my country, weighing my own ambitions with what I feel is right. My father drifting evermore into that pool of fascist madness, the news, everything has me seething. I'm depressed, I'm upset, we're broke and getting even worse.

I'm always depressed, empty, and upset. I'm always in immense physical pain and fatigue. Christ it sucks.

Things just getting worse at home, just compounds and somedays I feel like I am going to snap.

Both NIGHT- and Pamplemousse aren't far away from my thoughts on many occasions, sometimes I find myself thinking about them, thinking about my own problems, and the people I've lost to suicide.

Now as I get into February I have to finish my novel and get it formatted into Kindle format before March 1st. It's also going to be hard because this is the month I found out about my ex's suicide three years ago.

Yet, the pain and the madness make me want to end it all but I won't. I don't really know why, besides a fear of hell. I mean sure I live in a living hell but something in my heart tells me there is something worse, but I don't know what happens after this life but I hope and imagine God as a merciful being, even if I consider him a fucking asshole.

Part of me wants to see if my novel will change my life for the better, or maybe me.
I don't know.


I just want to believe there is a point in my life, to my life, and to my torment and the torment of others.

But I know that is just madness.

I'm in pretty much the same boat. My fatigue has gotten so bad that I'm barely able to play video games because I can't focus on them. Or anything. I'm in bed more than I'm actually out of it. And with the way Trump is barging along, I fear it's only a matter of time before he does something to take away my disability checks. Suicide is all but inevitable.

 

[Lemaitre]

I'm in pretty much the same boat. My fatigue has gotten so bad that I'm barely able to play video games because I can't focus on them. Or anything. I'm in bed more than I'm actually out of it. And with the way Trump is barging along, I fear it's only a matter of time before he does something to take away my disability checks. Suicide is all but inevitable.

Whoa slow down there sailor. What's going on with you? I remember reading that you have some kind of chronic illness, and I'm sorry to hear about that. I hadn't seen your thoughts become this negative though, is it just the increased fatigue that's getting you down? And I wouldn't worry about hypothetical scenarios with Trump. If it happens then you can prepare for that new reality but there is no need to dwell on what if's.

I hope you feel better though, and you get more hope in your life friend.

 

[Sectorseven]

I have my first appointment for therapy next week. I've been really trying to narrow down my issues and see how many are related to a specific thing. While I can list like ten different things I feel are wrong, some seem "grouped" so to speak like they might have a central cause.

I keep coming back to how I overreact to things. For instance, I walk by a women I find attractive at work and she doesn't make eye contact or looks away. That alone is enough to ruin my day. Or say my boss is in a bad mood. I automatically assume it's because of me and I stress about it all evening. I'm at the gym and there are a couple guys laughing a couple benches over. I just assume they're laughing at me and I want to leave. Sometimes it's as simple as a conversation I had with someone. I'll replay it over and over again in my head wondering if I came off as strange.

Is it paranoia? Anxiety? Something else? I really feel like it would help me tremendously if I could get over this one thing.

I don't mean for this to sound insensitive, but maybe you have to accept the world doesn't revolve around you. Or maybe you just have too much free time to think about such stuff.

 

[Lemaitre]

I don't mean for this to sound insensitive, but maybe you have to accept the world doesn't revolve around you. Or maybe you just have too much free time to think about such stuff.

That's being too harsh and does not account for the reality of intrusive thoughts or paranoia/anxiety. I've often had the same thoughts in my mind and I can tell you it has nothing to do with narcissism nor my availability of time.

I'm not sure what he will be diagnosed with but you should aim to be more supportive than that in the future.

 

[pigeon interrupted]

Well, I wish I can say I was doing better.

It's been hard dealing with the weight of the current state of my country, weighing my own ambitions with what I feel is right. My father drifting evermore into that pool of fascist madness, the news, everything has me seething. I'm depressed, I'm upset, we're broke and getting even worse.

I'm always depressed, empty, and upset. I'm always in immense physical pain and fatigue. Christ it sucks.

Things just getting worse at home, just compounds and somedays I feel like I am going to snap.

Both NIGHT- and Pamplemousse aren't far away from my thoughts on many occasions, sometimes I find myself thinking about them, thinking about my own problems, and the people I've lost to suicide.

Now as I get into February I have to finish my novel and get it formatted into Kindle format before March 1st. It's also going to be hard because this is the month I found out about my ex's suicide three years ago.

Yet, the pain and the madness make me want to end it all but I won't. I don't really know why, besides a fear of hell. I mean sure I live in a living hell but something in my heart tells me there is something worse, but I don't know what happens after this life but I hope and imagine God as a merciful being, even if I consider him a fucking asshole.

Part of me wants to see if my novel will change my life for the better, or maybe me.
I don't know.


I just want to believe there is a point in my life, to my life, and to my torment and the torment of others.

But I know that is just madness.

So sorry for your loss and pain, Duke. I was brought up Catholic but my faith lapsed around the age of 8, lol. But recent years and experience have given me cause to re-evaluate my understanding of the universe--in that I don't understand the universe. Not at all. Now I pray in earnest with the hope that God may be listening and that he/she/it is merciful. Even if God isn't there, the act of prayer makes me feel better. And if God is there then gosh does he/she/it have a twisted sense of humour.

My father is still on the same course as yours: likes Farage, likes Trump, hates the protestors, hates strikes. He has never experienced discrimination in his entire life and smirks or is indifferent to stories of racist and homophobic abuse which I sometimes relay to him, whereas I (being mixed) have experienced both and am horrified and dismayed by them. And it is that wide gulf of understanding and empathy that scares the pants off me. But I need to keep it in check and I suggest you try to do the same. Escapism is the best ism while the old farts are getting their hate on, imo. I know how hard it is to hold your peace while your father is swearing at a TV or radio newscaster because they are covering the pushback against this rampant nationalism and exceptionalism. Maybe you should try to engage with him about something other than politics and then concentrate on his positive side. It just about works for me >_< It takes a lot of effort, though.

On a positive note, you have your manuscript I'm so down for a copy when it's published, I hope you can let me know when it drops. It will be a massive achievment for you and I hope it does change your life. And your enthusiasm for writing has inspired me to start writing again. So, thanks for that, haha. I have episodes of my favourite writing podcasts on my mp3 player and some reference books; I'm ready to go. I just need to start the writing... :/ There needs to be a picture of my sad face next to 'procrastination' in dictionaries .Any podcasts or books on writing that you can recommend?

I'm in pretty much the same boat. My fatigue has gotten so bad that I'm barely able to play video games because I can't focus on them. Or anything. I'm in bed more than I'm actually out of it. And with the way Trump is barging along, I fear it's only a matter of time before he does something to take away my disability checks. Suicide is all but inevitable.

It isn't over till it's over, jb. Lemaitre is right; try not to let it occupy your every thought. I know you must feel unsure about the future with that conman in the whitehouse and I despise him for making you and so many others feel like that, but there are many, many Americans on disability (and not on disability) who will come out fighting for themselves and their loved ones before that happens. And it may not happen, so try to hang on to hope.

 

[Cepheus]

The situation in my apartment is getting worse and it's not doing well for my mental health, really. I haven't been eating breakfast until well past midday. The girl that's been bullying me has been working hard to assert her dominance again, but the worst thing is that it's nothing too aggressive. It's the exact same thing people in high school did to me- They wound me up, but stopped just short of doing anything too serious so that it would look stupid if I did anything back. Psychological bullying instead of physical, and it's working. They love to have parties and blast music until 3AM, and since I'm forced to eat dinner at midnight most nights to avoid bumping into her, I started playing music when I ate dinner, half to subtly get back at her, but also just because I always listen to music when I'm eating dinner. It's nothing compared to what they do to me. Then, yesterday, she started blasting music from her room in the middle of the day with the door open, and obnoxiously yelled 'bye' at me when I was leaving for my lecture. We don't talk to each other at all so it's likely that she only did it because she was with someone at the time, similar to how I can hear her saying stuff about me in the kitchen from my room sometimes. She stays in the living room/kitchen area nearly all day and I'm sure she knows that I won't go in there while she's in there. Maybe that's why she does it. And I don't know if the other people in my apartment genuinely like her or not. They told me they hated her, but that was a while ago, and it pains me to know that they'd rather pretend to like this girl than stick up for me. I'm worried that I'm getting closer and closer to potentially snapping. I know I need to move out. I've got two counselling appointments over the next two days, so that should help a bit. I'm well past high school age and part of me thinks that I'm pathetic for letting myself get bullied by someone who's a year younger than me, and practically half my height at this time. She must feel really good about herself because she managed to make a 6'2" boy with a very deep voice, who's also older than her, feel scared of her.

 

[AppleSeason]

I thought I would check in here, just in case.

After having surgery one 1.5 months ago, my therapist and several other people confirm that my mood has improved and I behave like a different person, far more optimistic. One of the causes of my depression and anxiety, gender dysphoria, is now manageable and anxiety episodes have been kept to a minimum since then. No suicidal ideations either. Even though I deal with pain and my life being a mess with so much time wasted in "rehab", I'm holding up well.


Still, I know that it's mirtazapine what keeps the depression away, as the rest of issues are still there and I just solved one of them. The therapist that had been helping recommended a colleague of her more specialised on my other beasts, and I hope to start therapy again in february. In the meantime, a psychiatrist readjusted my prescription so that I can function better, instead of the impairment mirtazapine was (too tired, harder to concentrate, even worse procrastination, 10+ kg gained since I began the treatment), we will be starting with bupropion, as I need to be more active / alert and hope I can manage my ADD (reason I am still depressed is the near academic failure and low performance at work even though I know I am capable of much more)

But overall, things feel like they are improving. Some hope. Also looking for some night time activities, as soon I will have to deal with insomnia again and right now I can't counter it by working out.

 

[Sectorseven]

That's being too harsh and does not account for the reality of intrusive thoughts or paranoia/anxiety. I've often had the same thoughts in my mind and I can tell you it has nothing to do with narcissism nor my availability of time.

I'm not sure what he will be diagnosed with but you should aim to be more supportive than that in the future.

I never claimed it was narcissism, but I think this is a perspective that is often not considered and easily dismissed. I had the same issue and found it was empowering to view it as something I was causing rather than something that was happening to me.

 

[pigeon interrupted]

I thought I would check in here, just in case.

After having surgery one 1.5 months ago, my therapist and several other people confirm that my mood has improved and I behave like a different person, far more optimistic. One of the causes of my depression and anxiety, gender dysphoria, is nor manageable and anxiety episodes have been kept to a minimum since then. No suicidal ideations either. Even though I deal with pain and my life being a mess with so much time wasted in "rehab", I'm holding up well.


Still, I know that it's mirtazapine what keeps the depression away, as the rest of issues are still there and I just solved one of them. The therapist that had been helping recommended a colleague of her more specialised on my other beasts, and I hope to start therapy again in february. In the meantime, a psychiatrist readjusted my prescription so that I can function better, instead of the impairment mirtazapine was (too tired, harder to concentrate, even worse procrastination, 10+ kg gained since I began the treatment), we will be starting with bupropion, as I need to be more active / alert and hope I can manage my ADD (reason I am still depressed is the near academic failure and low performance at work even though I know I am capable of much more)

But overall, things feel like they are improving. Some hope. Also looking for some night time activities, as soon I will have to deal with insomnia again and right now I can't counter it by working out.

I am happy the surgery went well for you ^_^ You sound like you are enthusiastic about improving your life. I hope your new anti-depressant has less side-effects so you can achieve the things you want to. Insomnia sucks but once you get back into a routine and exercise it will probably be better. I have to exhaust myself to get to sleep and even then I only sleep 2 hours, wake up, sleep another 2 hours, wake up, etc. It's better than no sleep, at least.

 

[jacob armitage]

in two weeks i have lost all faith in mankind.

I know i need to step away from current affairs and just deal with my own life but i can't, i feel like that makes me part of the problem.

I just need to vent, but in truth i need to do more than that. I need something that gives me purpose, someway to fight back.

 

[Lemaitre]

in two weeks i have lost all faith in mankind.

I know i need to step away from current affairs and just deal with my own life but i can't, i feel like that makes me part of the problem.

I just need to vent, but in truth i need to do more than that. I need something that gives me purpose, someway to fight back.

I'm sort of in the same boat as you. Now I have not lost all faith in mankind nor anywhere close to that, but the political climate in the U.S. is quite taxing for me to take in. Being chicano makes me look at the current events with a more heightened sense. Having friends & family that are here illegally also makes things far more precarious.

I'll just tell you that for you to be able to enact real change in the world means first enacting real healthy change within yourself. You can't hope to make a difference in this climate unless your'e operating at a decent level. There is no need to feel guilty about having time to yourself to recuperate. As much as we'd all not like to admit it this is going to be a long drawn out fight, and taking a break for several months is not going to bring ultimate chaos for others. Take your break and come back strong when you're ready to be engaged.

In terms of purpose look for it in anyway you can. I attended a local LGBTS meeting yesterday night and it was nice to see faces of people my age who share the same worries as me. I tried my best to listen to the concerns of people in the LGBT community so I could do a little more to help. I also donated to their organization. Tonight I'll be going to a support group for those with Depression & Bi-polarity. Also look into educating yourself in topics you find important or reading more books. You can fight back in many ways, it's not just about protesting or keeping up with current events.

 

[jacob armitage]

Thank you - you are correct, of course. I struggle with coming from an overly left brain processing to overly right. I'll be too rational or too emotional and rarely in harmony. Really i'm back in school now and working towards a career where i'll work with the less fortunate and that will make me feel like i'm making a difference. I do feel powerless when it comes to the worlds stage, but i'm sure we all do. I have also worked with the political party I support each election, so perhaps that feeling isn't that founded.

Is it odd that i feel anxious about this thread being in main OT instead of community? Oh, my silly anxieties.

 

[Evil Monkey DTT]

I'm off my meds because I lost my health insurance but...... fuck I'm scared. I'm really really scared, honestly considering suicude. They are changing the laws, they areven putting us in wars. They are banning my friends, fuck fuck fuck fuck.

 

[gaiages]

I find it strange that I become incredibly energized when I'm the only person in my house. I don't know if it's because my family is a negative influence on me or if I'm just more comfortable being alone which is odd because loneliness is a huge factor in my depression. My sleeping schedule was way off recently where I would sleep through the day and never come into contact with my family. My mood was noticeably better during that time. I appreciate what my family has done for me over the years, but they have no idea how to deal with someone struggling with mental health problems and it has worsened my struggles over the years. My sister left after she graduated high school years ago, and now she's happier than ever. I want that to be me.

I've been fantasizing about moving away lately. It would be a dream come true to just pack up my things and go somewhere to start a new life. I've got my own car now, $15k saved up, and a freelance job that lets me work remotely. I have no friends, partner, or career keeping me here. This city is just filled with too many bad memories. I want, no, I need a fresh start, but I'm paranoid about all of the things that could go wrong.

Honestly with that much money saved up, with decent budgeting you can live off that for quite a while, while you look for a new job in a new town. You're far better off than most people that actually do move to new cities to make a fresh start... as long as you're not planning on living in a major metropolis, I think you'd be fine.

What are you actually paranoid about? Living by yourself in a new area does have its challenges, yes, and things can go wrong... but financially you should be able to weather most things for a while. If you're like me, you might even be thinking up of downright absurd scenarios that may not even happen... ;p

If you think a fresh start will help you, go for it! Take the risk! Nothing will ever change if you don't try to change it. Take advantage of what you have, you're well within range to just pick up and move, and new scenery can do wonders for tons of people

 

[JDHarbs]

Honestly with that much money saved up, with decent budgeting you can live off that for quite a while, while you look for a new job in a new town. You're far better off than most people that actually do move to new cities to make a fresh start... as long as you're not planning on living in a major metropolis, I think you'd be fine.

What are you actually paranoid about? Living by yourself in a new area does have its challenges, yes, and things can go wrong... but financially you should be able to weather most things for a while. If you're like me, you might even be thinking up of downright absurd scenarios that may not even happen... ;p

If you think a fresh start will help you, go for it! Take the risk! Nothing will ever change if you don't try to change it. Take advantage of what you have, you're well within range to just pick up and move, and new scenery can do wonders for tons of people

Thanks for the reply

I'm paranoid because I've never been on my own before. I've never even been away from home before. I have a fear of failure which causes my anxiety to kick in whenever I'm in a situation where failure would have consequences. My car could break down or I could get lost during the commute, I could have trouble finding a job when I get there, etc.

If I didn't have this fear holding me back, I feel like I would take this leap in a heartbeat. I just don't want to find myself in the same situation moving back home again but with a chunk of my savings gone.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Today has been a very painful day. At the suggestion of my therapist, I've been working on surrendering myself to the negative emotions of my break-up rather than fighting them. The process has been an exhausting one. However, as the end of the day approaches, I find I'm feeling somewhat renewed and empowered. I have a clearer idea of my goals for the future and how to accomplish them, and I'm taking stock of immediate opportunities for growth and self-improvement. For just this moment, it feels like I've obtained a type of mental clarity that I've been desperately searching for in the last month. It's as though my brain understands and fully acknowledges my suffering but is reminding me that everything will be okay someday.

I'm not under the delusion that this inner peace will be a lasting one. I'm sure I'll find myself thrown back into turmoil before too long, but I at least wanted to write this down in here to remind my future self that this feeling is within his grasp. It's freeing.

 

[ionitron]

i have known teachers and it seems like very demanding work. it can be very rewarding if you are passionate but it may not pay all that well for the amount of work required. but if you have a biology degree there may be other opportunities for you to pursue as well, not just teaching. maybe look into archiving or working in a lab? maybe take your art interest and combine that with your degree somehow doing biological illustrations and design?

i got a degree in art and now my day job is QA for websites. the connection i got it from came through making music videos freelance making little money (but lots of art) for years and years. a degree is meaningful in that it instructs you in the trade and shows you can do the hard work, you can take on that responsibility, etc., but it doesn't necessarily need to be limiting. you CAN do art. just do it. an art school degree is not a guarantee of a successful art career. just work on your craft. personally i will make art and music all my life, whether i make money on it or not matters not, it is something i need for my mental health. chances are if u continue to make art, and you share that with the world, you will find people who love it as well.

Hello, thank you very much. Believe me, I do it when I can, and I'm really looking forward to graduating because the for the first time ever I'll be able to work on stuff with the time and patience to do what I want for a few months. I really want to sell at conventions and post more stuff online, and hopefully that'll bring me closer to people who also want to pursue that. Need some online art friends, haha. I could neveeeer work in a lab, but I do quite biological illustrations, I do have to find a better way to merge the art and science but... I just want it to be way, way more about art, and less the science, tbh.

You're so close to graduating! Just hang in there and do the best that you can to make it through this last semester.

I know what it's like to have to pursue something that you didn't necessarily want to because the art school dream didn't work out. But the great thing about art is that nothing (save for a debilitating injury or something) can ever truly stop you from pursuing it. If you're skilled enough, there's still even a chance that you could make a living off of your artwork without going to an art school.

I get that you're struggling to maintain your effort and interest in teaching biology, and the thought of that becoming your full-time career for the rest of your life is probably a depressing one. But graduating in something doesn't mean you have to resign yourself to doing it forever. Even if you do have to take a full-time job as a biology teacher at some point, that could end up being beneficial by allowing you to pursue art from a more secure financial position. I'm not claiming that striving to make a living on selling art while teaching biology will be easy, but it's still an opportunity that exists for you. And instead of feeling jealous that your boyfriend is able to pursue the thing you want, realize that being with a person who is in the art world could open a lot of doors in terms of connections, jobs, and freelance opportunities. Again, these won't necessarily come easily, but the opportunities are still there.

I totally sympathize with your struggle here, and I know how difficult it is to have to put so much time and effort into something you're not completely invested in. But you're so close to being done with college. You're SO close. Just try to stay focused on seizing opportunities to develop your art skills that you currently have and will have in the future . This won't be the end for you as an artist. Not even close.

Thank you very much. Sorry for not responding earlier, I was actually scared about what the response would be. One of the saddest things about this all for me is that I feel like I can't call myself an artist, especially not now while (again) I have to be writing my lesson plans for next week, revising tomorrow's lesson, etc... but, you're right, I'm so close. It's so hard, but I know I have to do it, I especially appreciate the last paragraph.

 

[CoyoteSpitfire]

I have my first appointment for therapy next week. I've been really trying to narrow down my issues and see how many are related to a specific thing. While I can list like ten different things I feel are wrong, some seem "grouped" so to speak like they might have a central cause.

I keep coming back to how I overreact to things. For instance, I walk by a women I find attractive at work and she doesn't make eye contact or looks away. That alone is enough to ruin my day. Or say my boss is in a bad mood. I automatically assume it's because of me and I stress about it all evening. I'm at the gym and there are a couple guys laughing a couple benches over. I just assume they're laughing at me and I want to leave. Sometimes it's as simple as a conversation I had with someone. I'll replay it over and over again in my head wondering if I came off as strange.

Is it paranoia? Anxiety? Something else? I really feel like it would help me tremendously if I could get over this one thing.

As someone who struggles with the same problems, I usually chalk it up to social (or generalized) anxiety and a preoccupation with what other people think of me.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

I've been trying to play guitar in addition to writing, exercising, reading, and meditation to try to keep myself sane right now. I feel like it sometimes works, but right now I feel as helpless as I usually do. God I feel really alone right now, like I'm stuck with fucking Trump supporters who don't give a shit and believe I'm an ignorant millennial brainwashed by George Clooney and the liberal media. My insecurity is still at an all-time high. College is mostly a bust. I did finally talk to someone today about music, but I got pissed immediately after the conversation because I felt like I acted so fucking awkward (mostly because I wasn't expecting to talk to anyone).

I don't feel suicidal, but I've been feeling like shit since I was 12. If I'm not feeling better, or at least feel like I'm improving my well-being by the time I'm in my 30s I'm straight up offing myself. I will not be working myself to death at some menial bullshit job and coming home to slowly die.

This Trump shit isn't helping me either, and I live in bumfuck Texas so it isn't like I can just go join a protest and actually feel like I'm helping. Don't even think I would go if I had the chance, considering everytime I go outside and am around people I feel like shit. That's not normal right?

Rant over, I'm going to go pig out at Denny's.

As someone who struggles with the same problems, I usually chalk it up to social (or generalized) anxiety and a preoccupation with what other people think of me.

As someone who also deals with that, I assume it's anxiety and paranoia.

 

[many places]

Thanks everyone who commented about medication and their ideas on it.
For now, I'm still staying off my meds. I'm actually doing okay these past few days. I'm practicing mindfulness and meditation and they really do help. Also, reading "freedom from obsessive compulsive disorder" by Jonathan Grayson has helped me understand my illness even more.

OCD is all about certainty and what Mr. Grayson explains in his book is that people with OCD need to embrace uncertainty and recognize that things do not need to be certain to live a happy and healthy life. Also, acceptance is huge in recovering from OCD. Mark Freeman on youtube is another great OCD expert who describes what acceptance means in terms of therapy and recovery.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yVd-QeVJLA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGhx_H9Njmo

The two videos listed above are good entry points into getting help with OCD or other anxiety disorders.

 

[Envelope]

hey guys

just wanted some input from those of you who may be knowledgeable, i apologize if this is inappropriate for this thread, just let me know and i'll delete it.

I've noticed over the past few years that my motivation has greatly decreased - half the time i only do things because i know i should do them, even if i normally i know that i like doing them it doesn't really register. And i never really feel happy any more compared to 3-4 years ago. And then during a class (i'm a medical student) or reading online it sounds like depression but then i come to a thread like this and people's experiences are so much worse than what i've been noticing in myself i realize just feeling a bit down/less happy/less motivated isn't that a big deal when i'm still perfectly functional, on course for a good career, about to graduate soon, i still have a close circle of friends... i've never actually felt suicidal or any critical mental health concerns. And so basically i'm kinda at a standstill as far as dealing with it goes, i have no idea if it's even worth pursuing seeing a councilor on campus or a general physician, i did stop by the counciling office on campus and they basically just set you up with a therapist and go from there and that honestly doesn't sound particular helpful - just talking about "yeah everything in life is going well for me but i feel blah about it all" seems useless. And it hardly seems to be at the level where taking antidepressants would be beneficial. So i don't know if it's worth seeing someone but i can tell that i'm struggling in ways i never used to: any input from anyone who's maybe gone through something similar?

 

[TangerineCloud]

hey guys

just wanted some input from those of you who may be knowledgeable, i apologize if this is inappropriate for this thread, just let me know and i'll delete it.

I've noticed over the past few years that my motivation has greatly decreased - half the time i only do things because i know i should do them, even if i normally i know that i like doing them it doesn't really register. And i never really feel happy any more compared to 3-4 years ago. And then during a class (i'm a medical student) or reading online it sounds like depression but then i come to a thread like this and people's experiences are so much worse than what i've been noticing in myself i realize just feeling a bit down/less happy/less motivated isn't that a big deal when i'm still perfectly functional, on course for a good career, about to graduate soon, i still have a close circle of friends... i've never actually felt suicidal or any critical mental health concerns. And so basically i'm kinda at a standstill as far as dealing with it goes, i have no idea if it's even worth pursuing seeing a councilor on campus or a general physician, i did stop by the counciling office on campus and they basically just set you up with a therapist and go from there and that honestly doesn't sound particular helpful - just talking about "yeah everything in life is going well for me but i feel blah about it all" seems useless. And it hardly seems to be at the level where taking antidepressants would be beneficial. So i don't know if it's worth seeing someone but i can tell that i'm struggling in ways i never used to: any input from anyone who's maybe gone through something similar?

I say give counseling a try if it's not too much trouble. Depression can come in a wide variety of "flavors" and intensities, so just because you may not have it as bad as someone else doesn't mean you don't have a problem worth addressing. I'm not a mental health professional, so take my "diagnosis" with a grain of salt, but what you've described sounds pretty similar to my experience with anhedonia, which was certainly a symptom of my depression and is currently what I'm trying to focus on with my therapist.

 

[Lemaitre]

hey guys

So i don't know if it's worth seeing someone but i can tell that i'm struggling in ways i never used to: any input from anyone who's maybe gone through something similar?

I'l reiterate and say just go see the therapist. Maybe even just discussing your feelings would help your emotional mood out or you'll find there is more to it all.

Only one way to find out though!

 

[driggonny]

hey guys

just wanted some input from those of you who may be knowledgeable, i apologize if this is inappropriate for this thread, just let me know and i'll delete it.

I've noticed over the past few years that my motivation has greatly decreased - half the time i only do things because i know i should do them, even if i normally i know that i like doing them it doesn't really register. And i never really feel happy any more compared to 3-4 years ago. And then during a class (i'm a medical student) or reading online it sounds like depression but then i come to a thread like this and people's experiences are so much worse than what i've been noticing in myself i realize just feeling a bit down/less happy/less motivated isn't that a big deal when i'm still perfectly functional, on course for a good career, about to graduate soon, i still have a close circle of friends... i've never actually felt suicidal or any critical mental health concerns. And so basically i'm kinda at a standstill as far as dealing with it goes, i have no idea if it's even worth pursuing seeing a councilor on campus or a general physician, i did stop by the counciling office on campus and they basically just set you up with a therapist and go from there and that honestly doesn't sound particular helpful - just talking about "yeah everything in life is going well for me but i feel blah about it all" seems useless. And it hardly seems to be at the level where taking antidepressants would be beneficial. So i don't know if it's worth seeing someone but i can tell that i'm struggling in ways i never used to: any input from anyone who's maybe gone through something similar?

I've often felt the same way, in the sense that my life situation doesn't seem so bad compared to others. I go to a good college in a major that I love and have made good friends along the way. But I don't think that it's a good idea to compare your situation to others and decide that you are not bad enough to seek help. I've suffered far more mental anguish than I should have simply because I believed I didn't deserve any help.

Depression doesn't have to be dramatic and fairly often isn't. The reality is that Depression isn't rational. Anyone can have it no matter how good their lives are. A beautiful person could feel ugly because of it. I would recommend going to the counselor to stop your feelings from getting any worse. Also, you don't have to have a mental illness to gain personal insight and potentially grow from visiting a therapist. Not being happy is a good enough reason.

On pills: I went to therapy for several years before going on medication. It was almost literally the last resort. There are several other things you can do to help your mood that can be beneficial enough if you don't want to go that far.

 

[oni_saru]

I don't know what it is about feeling like a failure that leads me to have suicidal thoughts but here i am.

Today at work we had another meeting focused on our shitty recruitment numbers. And while i know that the reason our recruitment is shit is out of my hands, i still can't help but feel like i've failed this lab and my PI.

I feel like a complete failure. Today i really considered stopping my car on some train tracks and waiting for the train. Fortunately/unfortunately my ride home ended up being the route without the train.

I'm afraid one of these days i will park my car there and finally do what i've been wanting to do for years.

 

[Metalingus5150]

You guys ever hear others talking in a different room and hear negative things but then when you ask the person who was talking if it was negative, they said everything was fine?

 

[Lemaitre]

I'm afraid one of these days i will park my car there and finally do what i've been wanting to do for years.

Have you been in communication with a therapist? I'd schedule a session right away. In the meantime try opening up to friends/family about your negative feelings.You don't have to tell them you're suicidal but at least give them a taste of that and tell them how this situation makes you feel like a failure. To have such an extreme response from work like that makes me feel that there is an underlying issue you are not addressing. Work should never make you feel that way, and if it does you need to either get out of that job or get treatment.

A job is not worth losing your life over.

You guys ever hear others talking in a different room and hear negative things but then when you ask the person who was talking if it was negative, they said everything was fine?

Are you sure what you are hearing is actually what is being said, or could it be paranoia from you? Do you often find yourself in such situations where you're constantly worrying about what people are saying and whether it's about you?


Tonight I attended a support group for mental illness in my area. One of the people there was diagnosed as bi-polar 2 w/ ADHD. My psychiatrist is leaning toward one or the other for me, or perhaps even both as this individual in the group was diagnosed as. I have to say though, everything she said sounded exactly like me. It was incredibly comforting to hear from someone who understands what it's like to have a short fuse, and blow up at the most insignificant thing.

I really recommend attending a support group if anyone on here can find one close by. I was quite negative about attending but it has really helped me out tonight. Tomorrow morning I will be going bright and early to get my prescription from the psychiatrist after our meeting. He will most likely start me on bi-polar and anxiety meds and see how I respond to them. He's already told me that they start treating bi-polar first in the chance that if they gave me medication for ADHD it may spiral me into an intense mania.

Either way I'm excited to begin medication, even if I have avoided it my whole life thus far. Tonight's meeting with the group really helped make taking medication not seem so bad.

Update: Was prescribed Lamictal for my bi-polarity & paxil for my anxiety. I'm glad my psychiatrist went with an SSRI and not a benzodiazepine. Probably the placebo effect but I feel better already.....

Naw has to be the placebo effect.

Double Update:

After going through a day of errand running, going out with family, and being in social places where my anxiety usually reduced me to rubble I have to say the medication is doing wonders so far. For anyone having doubts please keep pushing forward and seeking the treatment you deserve for yourself and your loved ones.

 

[Spirit of Jazz]

Alright, I have clinical depression and some rather serious social anxiety disorders. For a couple of years I've gone with having no close friends and went on living due to my work (I support people with physical/mental disabilities) and I found it fulfilling. Then around half a year ago I made a close friend for the first time in a long while and and it made me feel like a person in a way nothing else has. We spoke all the time and they vented to me, I vented to them. It just felt like a genuine friendship.

Then after a trip away they started to ghost me at a time my work was really wearing me down and I need them. I reacted a little badly to this and tried to bring it up in the most considerate of ways but it kinda resulted in nothing beyond them telling me they were in a hard place.

I just feels like I was always there for them and they didn't give a shit when things were hard for me, they didn't care about my anxiety/depression. I just don't know where to go from here?

I was just at a point where I was happy doing my work and nothing else, then somebody came along and made me feel like a normal person then totally ditched me when things became hard like everybody else in my life. I just feel like I can't deal with this.

 

[JDHarbs]

Alright, I have clinical depression and some rather serious social anxiety disorders. For a couple of years I've gone with having no close friends and went on living due to my work (I support people with physical/mental disabilities) and I found it fulfilling. Then around half a year ago I made a close friend for the first time in a long while and and it made me feel like a person in a way nothing else has. We spoke all the time and they vented to me, I vented to them. It just felt like a genuine friendship.

Then after a trip away they started to ghost me at a time my work was really wearing me down and I need them. I reacted a little badly to this and tried to bring it up in the most considerate of ways but it kinda resulted in nothing beyond them telling me they were in a hard place.

I just feels like I was always there for them and they didn't give a shit when things were hard for me, they didn't care about my anxiety/depression. I just don't know where to go from here?

I was just at a point where I was happy doing my work and nothing else, then somebody came along and made me feel like a normal person then totally ditched me when things became hard like everybody else in my life. I just feel like I can't deal with this.

Have they expanded on why they are in a hard place?

I've gone through phases before where I just needed to block everything out until it passed. They may be going through something similar. I would give so much to have a friend who would endure through that until I was ready to come back.

As awesome as friendships are, everyone needs time and space eventually. Try not to assume that the ghosting is because they don't care or are bailing on you. I've been a culprit of this myself many times.

 

[driggonny]

This weekend has been better than the last... I haven't really been all that productive, but I at least haven't been so depressed either. I'm feeling very comfortable with my sexuality right now. I'm seriously amazed at that, considering how long I've felt uncomfortable with it. When I calm my mind and rid myself of outside anxieties, being attracted to men feels just as natural as being attracted to women. I'll try to hold on to that zen for as long as I can. It's amazing to me what the encouraging words of one or two people have done for me. I hadn't realized how isolated I had been with regards to my sexuality and how that affected my ability to accept it.

This'll be yet another busy week for me. But, honestly, with my major they all are

 

[redlegs87]

I've had a rough few days and I think I'm just done trying to hold out hope that I'll ever get to meet my friends in person. The world just keeps getting my hopes up then dashing them. I just don't know if I can handle it anymore.

 

[shawnbuddy]

I'm completely suicidal and unhinged at times. It only takes the smallest aggravation or disappointment to make me start thinking about killing myself. Or to be filed with rage. It's bad enough that I hit a co-worker who was giving me a hard time. Miraculously, my work did not fire me or have me arrested. My boss asked me why I did it and I told him about being suicidally depressed. So instead they required me to go to counseling, but my session isn't until March so it's a long wait with a lot of temptation to take a quick exit.

 

[J_Macgrady]

I'm completely suicidal and unhinged at times. It only takes the smallest aggravation or disappointment to make me start thinking about killing myself. Or to be filed with rage. It's bad enough that I hit a co-worker who was giving me a hard time. Miraculously, my work did not fire me or have me arrested. My boss asked me why I did it and I told him about being suicidally depressed. So instead they required me to go to counseling, but my session isn't until March so it's a long wait with a lot of temptation to take a quick exit.

Coming from someone who has went through a Major Depressive episode in which I couldn't function for a long time, aggression is the worst thing to embrace. It causes you to deal with a lot of internal suffering because you feel like you need to for an emotional shield or something. Please don't harm yourself because none of this is your fault.

I love all of you in this thread. We're all worth more than what these illnesses tell us.

 

[pigeon interrupted]

This weekend has been better than the last... I haven't really been all that productive, but I at least haven't been so depressed either. I'm feeling very comfortable with my sexuality right now. I'm seriously amazed at that, considering how long I've felt uncomfortable with it. When I calm my mind and rid myself of outside anxieties, being attracted to men feels just as natural as being attracted to women. I'll try to hold on to that zen for as long as I can. It's amazing to me what the encouraging words of one or two people have done for me. I hadn't realized how isolated I had been with regards to my sexuality and how that affected my ability to accept it.

This'll be yet another busy week for me. But, honestly, with my major they all are

Yeah, men are pretty awesome-I just want to nibble on... certain parts of their anatomy. Women too, of course. But men doe... so thirsty. Too early in the morning to be thinking these thoughts #double nosebleed. Anyway, welcome to the club

Spoiler

there is no actual club, as far as I know

. If feeling this way is wrong, I don't ever want to be right

Spoiler

it's not wrong

.

I've started a new job and I have to wake up at 4.30am. One week in and it is starting to affect my mood... and weight. Trans problems: been trying to slim down and succeeding but everytime I get to the desired weight I notice I have lost boob mass. This drives me into the darkest depression and I spend all weekend binging on junk food which goes straight to my ass and hips which makes me more depressed. Then I slim down again and the same thing happens and I swear everytime my boobs are getting smaller-they will be pointing inwards soon. I'm trying to avoid getting implants but that's looking less and less likely ;_; Those are my current problems. Also, I meow like a cat sometimes (been unemployed for a year and was looking for a way to entertain myself, lol) It has become second nature and I accidentally meowed in front of my boss. Pray for me.

I've had a rough few days and I think I'm just done trying to hold out hope that I'll ever get to meet my friends in person. The world just keeps getting my hopes up then dashing them. I just don't know if I can handle it anymore.

Aww, babe. You'll get there. I know the world can seem harsh but there are good things out there too. And if you keep at it (law of averages) some of them will come your way. I'm still waiting myself :s But you can't argue with math. Also, don't worry about that thread. People on the internet often act like they have never made a mistake before and release their righteous opinions with impunity. Rest assured that the same people on the internet have short spans of attention and even shorter memories. I've messed up by being honest before-sometimes lying is the correct thing to do. But I've messed up more by decieving people. Go figure.

I'm completely suicidal and unhinged at times. It only takes the smallest aggravation or disappointment to make me start thinking about killing myself. Or to be filed with rage. It's bad enough that I hit a co-worker who was giving me a hard time. Miraculously, my work did not fire me or have me arrested. My boss asked me why I did it and I told him about being suicidally depressed. So instead they required me to go to counseling, but my session isn't until March so it's a long wait with a lot of temptation to take a quick exit.

Take the counselling, imho. You really shouldn't be punching people at work-I guess you already know that Have you spoken to you doctor about this? If not, you should probably do so-it may make you feel better and you can get help for those feelings that are obviously intruding on your life. That way you can look pro-active to your company (if you're fussed about your job). I used to have similar problems and for a long time I didn't even consider asking for help. Now I am glad I did.

 

[chronic_archaic]

Becoming depressed again. Completely ignoring schoolwork. Sleeping over 12 hours a day. Dreaming fucked up dreams and starting suicidal ideation again. Sometimes I really hate myself... even though I know I'm a good person.

 

[Cepheus]

Stuff's gone downhill fast for me. I'm supposed to be moving out of my apartment this week sometime, which is good, but everything else hasn't been going great. I'm sleeping in until midday every day, going to even fewer lectures than before, and I'm not eating. It's 5PM and I'm having my first meal of the day. I'm lying to my friends about how I did in the winter assignments last term and I had a personal tutor meeting today and lied to him, too, saying that I found them fine when in fact I failed them both. I feel generally ill, and my gums and tongue have been hurting for a while for some reason. I'm feeling suicidal again.

 

[chronic_archaic]

Stuff's gone downhill fast for me. I'm supposed to be moving out of my apartment this week sometime, which is good, but everything else hasn't been going great. I'm sleeping in until midday every day, going to even fewer lectures than before, and I'm not eating. It's 5PM and I'm having my first meal of the day. I'm lying to my friends about how I did in the winter assignments last term and I had a personal tutor meeting today and lied to him, too, saying that I found them fine when in fact I failed them both. I feel generally ill, and my gums and tongue have been hurting for a while for some reason. I'm feeling suicidal again.

This is kinda me but I'm not lying to anybody. I don't know why I make people worry about me when it's the last thing I want them to do. And seriously I don't get the general ill thing. I swear to god I go to the doctor and there's nothing wrong with me but I always feel like shit and sleep all the time anyway.

 

[neojubei]

I wonder if Pamplemousse is finally free of the stuff that hurt him in life. In my heart I hope he is going good and is happy. I want to be there with him. To shed this horrible thing called a life I have. To find some peace and happiness. I've already made plans and I plan to just do it in May. I guess I should write up a will or something

 

[Metalingus5150]

My roommate who moved out told my other roommate they should leave because he knows I couldn't afford the apartment and it would ruin me. :/ Luckily my current roommate wants to stay but the one who moved out has been starting shit. I even helped him a couple of times due to him losing his job. People can be so terrible.

 

[Dipper145]

Getting to the point where I'm thinking I'll be spending time in a more long-term care facility. My psychiatrist has been sick for the past two weeks so I haven't been able to see her, not that it would do any good because knowing me I'd probably say I'm safe anyway when in reality I'm not all the time. Realistically the only reason I'm still alive is because suicide is a very difficult and often painful thing to accomplish based on research I've done.

The only reason I keep going step by step is because my family wants me to live. Who cares what I want or how I feel though right? Or how long I've both wanted and felt that way. When you suffer for what has been almost half of your life, and tried every medication, and treatment option available, and even getting lucky to be involved in research trials of new treatments, and nothing works, you lose hope.

My real dream is that eventually assisted suicide becomes an option for the chronically depressed. Even though I don't want to live, I still want to be able to say goodbye, and go peacefully with dignity.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

So my parents are tired of my illnesses and are threatening to throw me out.

Fantastic.

 

[Blues1990]

I went through a mini breakdown today that despite meeting some cool people from the drawing jam/table top meet ups I've gone to over the months, it's really a bad feeling to realize that they didn't seem enthusiastic about being in my company once every few months. And when I decide to wait for them to contact me for future meet ups, that day never comes.

I have come to terms with the fact that I only have a couple decent friends that actually enjoy my company, but I thought making new connections and building new relationships could fix this. I don't know what to do.

 

[MKIL65]

Sorry, have to vent for a bit.

If you ever meet anyone that says Denmark is a ''nice place'' for immigrants or people with different skin color. Or says there aren't racists here, don't believe their lies.

I had the pleasure of meeting 3 different xenophobic assholes today. All of which had the privilege of being born white, unlike me.

Years ago, when I was young, I would dismiss this as me being ''unlucky''

I'm not going to go into detail of what I experienced or how it happened...

But I'm glad I'm not in a hospital now. Thank god. Still not okay with what happened.

 

[Cth]

Stressing bad right now, so here goes..

My wife and I started separating back in December. It was amicable and we've both moved on since. She agreed to help pay the remainder of the lease until it's up at the end of February. The plan was for my gf and I to save up funds to move by then but she ended up having a mini-stroke in December and she was just told her job at Target was seasonal, so now she's out of a job.

The past month I've been trying to find a house to rent but everything has been snatched up before we could put our deposit in to hold it. I'm meeting with an old high school friend who's a realtor about a place that's not on the market yet, so fingers crossed on that one. It's frustrating because of the costs involved -- $35 each to apply, $700 security deposit, $700 first month's rent, $300 pet deposit, $300 for blinds and refrigerator.

Trouble is, after years of layoffs, I'm only making $575 every two weeks. So I guess I'll have to look into government assistance.

And to make matters worse, my daughter is stressing out over my gf's kid who's younger and wants to play with her all the time. She's handled everything great over the years (grandparents death, layoff, etc) but the divorce is hitting her hard.

I'm just overwhelmed and feel like I'm drowning and having to constantly try to keep my head above water.. it's stressful. I'm worried the stress could trigger another stroke for my gf, which sucks cause doctors have no idea what caused the first one.

*sigh*

 

[Puck Beaverton]

Pretty sure I just blew it with a girl who randomly showed interest in me. Like why am always awkward talking with people? It's like I try my hardest not to be weird and I end up looking weird. I'm a walking GAF stereotype. Legit having a panic attack,a lthough there is nor crying (yet). All of this happened about 10 minutes aqgo btw

Kill me fam

 

[JDHarbs]

Pretty sure I just blew it with a girl who randomly showed interest in me. Like why am always awkward talking with people? It's like I try my hardest not to be weird and I end up looking weird. I'm a walking GAF stereotype. Legit having a panic attack,a lthough there is nor crying (yet). All of this happened about 10 minutes aqgo btw

Kill me fam

I was in this same situation last summer. I beat myself up over it for months (still am actually), but it's getting better. Give yourself time. Remind yourself that if someone would leave you that easily then they aren't worth keeping around, and that if one person showed interest in you then that means there are plenty others who would too.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

I was in this same situation last summer. I beat myself up over it for months (still am actually), but it's getting better. Give yourself time. Remind yourself that if someone would leave you that easily then they aren't worth keeping around, and that if one person showed interest in you then that means there are plenty others who would too.

I wish I could just lead with "hey I have awful social anxiety, really like woody allen movies, and I'm constantly afraid of people judging me negatively please don't take my stand-offish and general dorky vibe as dickish or turn you off ?

Or, and this just came to me, maybe I come across like a weirdo loner (which I am but I don't want people to know that) and she took pity on me and offered a ride. So I could really be overthinking a nice gesture and trying to twist into something more because I'm desperate and extremely lonely

This ice cream and Sam Adams will cure my woe.

 

[Sectorseven]

I've found social anxiety is a symptom of difficulty with understanding nonverbal communication.