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[TangerineCloud]

Sheesh. So in a week (next Saturday), the month of no-contact my ex and I set up comes to an end. At the start of it, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I was an emotional wreck. I spent two, close to three, weeks doing nothing but devising my plan to get her back whenever I wasn't in class or with my therapist or hanging out with my friends. Maybe over the past week or so, I've become a little more comfortable with the distance. My diet has fully returned. My sleep schedule is more or less back to normal. I don't spend the entire day wrestling with intense anxiety over her anymore. And I've decided to abandon my attempt to get her back. Don't get me wrong. I want her back more than anything in this world, but over the past month I've seen myself grow in unexpected ways. I've started uncovering the paths out of personal issues I never thought I'd overcome. I'm really proud of myself. It feels like I'm heading down the road to finally "fixing" me. When I accepted that I had depression and social anxiety five-and-a-half years ago, I honestly thought my life was over. That I'd never have a fulfilling, satisfying existence. But now I'm really seeing myself become someone I never thought I could become. And it makes me really happy. And I don't know if that would have happened without the pain and this distance of this break-up.

But as glad as I am to recognize my own personal growth, realizing that things really are probably over between me and my ex right now... the pain is spectacular. I have so much I want to tell her. I've grown so much and I want to see her and kiss her and sweep her off her feet with all the changes I've made. That I'm going to make. At one point, I know she would have been delighted to see everything I want to do. But now things are different. And they're uncertain. And we're apart. And I'm confused. And she's confused. And I worry that if I say and do everything I want to say and do, I'll push her away. And I worry that if I say and do everything I want to say and do, that I'll get too caught up in the fantasy of being with her again and lose all my progress and re-open the initial wounds from the break-up. And I worry that all the progress I've made is a lie and it's just something I tell myself in a sad attempt to scrape some sort of meaning from all the fucking heartache and stress and anxiety of the past month. And I'm scared to test that.

So. Next Saturday morning or afternoon or evening, I'm going to send her a text message for the first time since January 24th. I'll make it really casual. Something like, "Hey. I promised I'd check in after the month was up. So here's me checking in. Nothing more." And then hopefully I'll be able to end with something casual like, "Great, I'm glad you've been doing okay,"; y'know, something short and sweet; something that doesn't let on the fact the she's all I thought about for 30 straight days; something that doesn't let her know how pathetic I was for the better part of the month.

And then I just won't say anything else. And maybe she won't say anything else. And after that, who knows? Maybe I'll finally be able to close the book on this chapter of my life. I don't know if I'll feel good about it. I don't think I will. But I'm hoping that not having the end of this 30 days hanging over my head will finally give me that final push away from her that I've needed.

 

[redlegs87]

I didn't go to the support group, but they meet every week so I'll try to muster up the courage next Thursday.

I feel like such a coward. I'm so afraid of the outside world that I can't even get myself help. Why am I like this? I'm missing out on everything in life.

Hey I don't know your exact situation but you sound quite a bit like me from not very long ago. I'd never leave the house unless it was super necessary. Always thinking of what could happen out there in the real world out side of my little bubble. It took me 6 years of this before I finally had it and slowly but surely taught myself that as I really have only so much control over what happens out there that I couldn't let that stop me from living my life.

I hope you can find your own path out of your mind & house doing the things you want to be doing.

 

[Lemaitre]

just tried to access humblebundle.com but got blocked on the computers at this place because it contains "gaming content" so maybe neogaf will get banned soon, in which case I won't post updates.

Oh snap that's crazy.

If you still have access I'd love to hear your progress with your ECT therapy. I've seen it featured in some documentaries as a final measure against bi-polarity. The most famous example being Carrie Fisher.

So yeah, definitely do update if you can there. I really hope it gives you the kind of help you need.

 

[JDHarbs]

Hey I don't know your exact situation but you sound quite a bit like me from not very long ago. I'd never leave the house unless it was super necessary. Always thinking of what could happen out there in the real world out side of my little bubble. It took me 6 years of this before I finally had it and slowly but surely taught myself that as I really have only so much control over what happens out there that I couldn't let that stop me from living my life.

I hope you can find your own path out of your mind & house doing the things you want to be doing.

Thanks. Some days are better than others. I try to make the most of the good days since I never know when I'll get another. Yesterday I managed to work up the courage to go get my hair cut. Granted, it was super-necessary since I think I finally start volunteering this week. The on-boarding process has been going on since October which hasn't helped my mental health at all so I'm anxious to finally start.

 

[Armadilo]

In think it's time to talk to a psychologist, today someone hit my car. Was planning to do something tomorrow and now those plans are garbage and now I have problems.

Sadness and anger because it happened to me. I need to talk to someone

 

[redlegs87]

Thanks. Some days are better than others. I try to make the most of the good days since I never know when I'll get another. Yesterday I managed to work up the courage to go get my hair cut. Granted, it was super-necessary since I think I finally start volunteering this week. The on-boarding process has been going on since October which hasn't helped my mental health at all so I'm anxious to finally start.

Glad to hear that they seem to be giving you a chance to get used to everything over time. Yeah you aren't going to change over night that's for sure. Everyone is different with how long it can take I took about a year of therapy and medication & going out more and more to break free and start to live my life. If you need any advice or whatever just pm me.

 

[Blunoise]

Hey guys I just made a video on my YouTube channel talking about overcoming and living with depression. I hope you guys can understand me and where I am coming from. I do hope it can give some help for those of you suffering.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_7lIGeSEsl4

 

[Mr. F]

What has been people's experience with going to the ER for depressive symptoms? I'm not quite in state of self harm but I've been barely able to function all weekend. If it's a waste of my or anyone's time I don't want to be a burden, so any insight would be appreciated.

 

[brianjones]

they might try to determine if you need to be placed in a mental health facility

 

[jb1234]

What has been people's experience with going to the ER for depressive symptoms? I'm not quite in state of self harm but I've been barely able to function all weekend. If it's a waste of my or anyone's time I don't want to be a burden, so any insight would be appreciated.

Unless it's an actual emergency (like you're actively suicidal), it's probably best if you don't. Schedule an appointment with a professional instead.

 

[Hermii]

I just love not falling asleep. I been so fucking tired all day but now I'm lying I bed feeling very alone and not falling asleep. Trying to cure some loneliness by browsing gaf.

 

[Magwik]

It can't be stressed enough just how awful the period between medications is. These withdrawals are killing me but I know staying on Prozac wasn't helping me at all. Ugh.

Hey guys I just made a video on my YouTube channel talking about overcoming and living with depression. I hope you guys can understand me and where I am coming from. I do hope it can give some help for those of you suffering.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_7lIGeSEsl4

was gonna watch but the video is unavailable?

 

[Hey_Blinkin]

I have my second therapy session this week. I've been trying to be more cognizant of my mood swings and just generally what thoughts are dominating the majority of my day so I can discuss it with my therapist. So much of it seems to come from my cripplingly low self esteem and what women think of me. It doesn't help that my anxiety seems to make it even worse. I'm a really unattractive, odd looking guy so I'm really curious to what her approach is going to be. I just hope it's more than the "looks aren't everything" speech.

I'm still in the process of trying to get in to see a doctor so they can prescribe me something for depression and anxiety like my therapist suggested. There's a local clinic open this weekend that I'm going to try. Hopefully they accept people without insurance.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Generic versions of antidepressants shouldn't be that expensive. When Lexapro was under patent, it was like $120 per month. Now it's $10 per month on generic.

 

[brianjones]

It can't be stressed enough just how awful the period between medications is. These withdrawals are killing me but I know staying on Prozac wasn't helping me at all. Ugh.

antidepressant withdrawal is no joke

had some of the worst depression I ever felt .. couldn't stop crying and every thought that entered my head was a negative one

hang in there man.. are you starting a new medication?

 

[Magwik]

antidepressant withdrawal is no joke

had some of the worst depression I ever felt .. couldn't stop crying and every thought that entered my head was a negative one

hang in there man.. are you starting a new medication?

Yep, Wellbutrin. Luckily it isn't affecting my thoughts at all and is just mentally draining me in addition to headaches and the like. Even driving for 10 minutes to run an errand felt like hell. Crossing my fingers for tomorrow to be better!

 

[redlegs87]

Yep, Wellbutrin. Luckily it isn't affecting my thoughts at all and is just mentally draining me in addition to headaches and the like. Even driving for 10 minutes to run an errand felt like hell. Crossing my fingers for tomorrow to be better!

Sorry to hear you're having any issues with Wellbutrin. What dosage are you on? I am currently on 150mg now but I use to be on 300mg before I had to stop cold turkey because I was transitioning to my works insurance. At any dosage level I never noticed me being drained mentally more so then I what depression would cause.

 

[Magwik]

Sorry to hear you're having any issues with Wellbutrin. What dosage are you on? I am currently on 150mg now but I use to be on 300mg before I had to stop cold turkey because I was transitioning to my works insurance. At any dosage level I never noticed me being drained mentally more so then I what depression would cause.

Oh I'm switching from Prozac to Wellbutrin right now.

 

[Wandering Robot]

I hate to change the ongoing subject, but I've had Overwatch installed on my computer for weeks and cannot get past the practice range to actually play the game. Social anxiety takes over every time, so I just end up switching to a single-player game and feeling silly. I don't really have anywhere else to vent, so...here it shall be.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

I hate to change the ongoing subject, but I've had Overwatch installed on my computer for weeks and cannot get past the practice range to actually play the game. Social anxiety takes over every time, so I just end up switching to a single-player game and feeling silly. I don't really have anywhere else to vent, so...here it shall be.

That happens to me too. Rainbow Six: Siege especially, but that game is already anxiety inducing as is.

 

[neojubei]

I dont why but i keep watching boyfriend tag videos on youtube, korean dramas, getting married comedy-movies, rom-coms, gay couple movies. i know my soul wants a relationship wants to get married but since i know it will never happen the only cure is death or coma.

 

[jb1234]

I'm so angry. All the time. It's been getting worse, rage at my situation, at being unable to change it. Feeling abandoned, no longer have any local friends because no one can stand me. I'm sure the online friends will bail soon enough. And now I'm crying because a particularly excruciating episode of Supergirl (why am I still watching this show?) overdosed on its Valentine's Day theme so hard that it just reminded me how alone I really am.

 

[Anth0ny]

after a series of meetings with my cognitive behavioral therapist, we thought i was on the road to recovery from all this depression business.

but now for some reason everything seems to be getting worse.

when this all started i had different forms of escapism: exercise, games, tv, movies, music...

now, as time goes on, instead of getting better (time heals all things apparently?) it's just getting worse. i'm having a hard time enjoying listening to music. i can't sit and watch movies anymore. i turn to eating a lot so exercise, which I force myself to do, doesn't really lead to any results.

i have barely any friends, and the ones that do are all getting engaged or preach the "bro just get over it, you need some pussy" philosophy of getting over depression. that all makes things worse.

i'm not suicidal or anything but it's a pretty painful existence to not/barely be able to enjoy ANYTHING. or no longer able to enjoy things you once enjoyed.

should probably talk to my doctor

 

[Hermii]

Just to follow up my last post, I need to get up now and I feel fucking exhausted and apathic. Fuck I wish I could have a good night sleep.

 

[cryptic]

I feel so exhausted.
I can't stop crying, whimpering at night.
At work I have to sneak into corners to prevent myself from crying but it's not the job.
I have no motivation, no hope, I don't feel anything but pain from doing anything, I have no interest in women, or anything. Feels sort of humane.
Everyone I meet is so in pain.
Everyone I meet is so judgemental.
I gave my everything and it was all floor.
I can show up and lift things so everyone thinks I'm okay.
My brain has been so jumbled the last year everyone thinks the stupidity I display is normal.
I have days where I get a bit more manic and focused then they fade and everyone wonders why I can't repeat.
I don't eat;I've lost ten pounds.
I'm extremely sensitive to everything, a college kid walking on a crutch made me cry, the homeless make me cry, all the life of work, the restaurant, completely drains me empty every night.
I keep waking up in intense pain, I've had this all through life when I was lonely in spring but now it's everyday for so long.
I want to wake up happy again so bad.
I want to think positive and I try all day until it makes me cry 'cos I can't.
People keep staring at me for some reason and I can't handle the weight of so many eyes on me.
I am so weak, I am so scared, I feel so alone.
The only people I have are my family and I want to get away from them.
My uncle died at twenty seven of suicide, just walking across a highway.
I'm turning twenty-seven soon and I have never felt so.much pain where I can't even think it's so intense.
I've been to hospitals, I'm on pills, seeing a therapist, but it doesn't help.
Self harm was the only thing that made me happy but I stopped.
I want to live a full life so what do I.do?
I'm not even thinking of the s word.

 

[EverythingShiny]

Mental health GAF, I'm really struggling. I'm doing okay with my meds (currently taking Trileptal and Busprione) but I'm dealing with several of life's major stressors right now - I'm about to move/drive across the country by myself, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he didn't want to move with me, I'm trying to find a job in the location I'm moving to and my stepdad is very sick in the hospital so now I'm helping my mom deal with his new illness. I'm such a mess myself that I have no idea how I can support her through this incredibly difficult time.

I have a long history of depression and anxiety and I keep thinking there's only so much I can take before I snap and become non-functioning again. I'm going to try and find a therapist where I'm moving to, but I don't have health insurance right now (because I'm unemployed, hence the need to find a job) so that makes treatment a bit more difficult.

I haven't felt this sad in a very, very long time.

 

[gfxtwin]

Might not be able to get medication anymore. The insurance I was using that makes it affordable (literally free) is no more and I need to apply for another and see what happens. Right now it's over $200 a month and I can't swing that at the moment. Not sure how to feel about it TBH though, since the antipsychotics and anti-depressants have had devastating side effects and don't really make me any happier either. The Xanax and ambien help a bit, and I take them seldomly, but maybe it would be better to stop taking it altogether based on what I've heard about their negative side effects.

Has anyone here taken both antipsychotics and antidepressants and tapered off? If so, what happened/how did you feel and/or behave?

 

[Manu]

My birthday is coming and I'm so depressed.

I'm turning 28 this Sunday, and being so close to turning 30 has made me feel a lot of the same insecurities and fears I had when I was younger. For the last seven years I've been in a loving relationship with a woman who loves me for who I am. We moved in together shortly, maybe a bit too early, but we made it work. We've had our ups and downs, we actually did break up briefly once, but that was long ago and we can always work out our issues, so that's good, right?

Well. The thing is, for six of the past seven years I've had the same crappy job, while my girlfriend was unemployed a few times, which really took a hit on our finances. So we've never travelled out on vacation together, never had a lot of money and basically we've lived day to day and moved from one crappy place to another, with barely enough money to I don't know, watch a movie or go out for drinks every once in a while. This of course means that looking for a different job is out of the question because I can't risk my current stability.

Meanwhile, most of my friends have fullfilling lives. They have better jobs, with schedules that allow them to go to college. They are social. They are always travelling, having new experiences, meeting new people. I feel like I'm the poor guy who's stuck in a routine. Whenever I talk to them I'm always the guy who doesn't have any stories to tell. I'm not interesting. I haven't done anything of note. They know places. They've had casual relationships. Whenever there's talk about sex I feel like I have nothing to contribute because I've been with basically only one person in my whole life. Things that are normal for everyone else feel so foreign to me. I feel like an alien. And I'm gonna be 30 in 2 years.

I love my girlfriend but I can't help feeling that she's the only good thing I have in my life right now. Before I met her I was a loser with poor social skills, so it's not like things were better either. I got my first job right after finishing high school, and never stopped since, so I've never had the time to work on a career or anything. My 20s have been a blur and they've gone way too fast. I seriously don't know what to do and I hate that I feel like this.

I was gonna make a new thread but it's not worth it, considering so many people in this thread have actual issues, mine feel so small in comparison.

 

[JDHarbs]

My birthday is coming and I'm so depressed.

I'm turning 28 this Sunday, and being so close to turning 30 has made me feel a lot of the same insecurities and fears I had when I was younger. For the last seven years I've been in a loving relationship with a woman who loves me for who I am. We moved in together shortly, maybe a bit too early, but we made it work. We've had our ups and downs, we actually did break up briefly once, but that was long ago and we can always work out our issues, so that's good, right?

Well. The thing is, for six of the past seven years I've had the same crappy job, while my girlfriend was unemployed a few times, which really took a hit on our finances. So we've never travelled out on vacation together, never had a lot of money and basically we've lived day to day and moved from one crappy place to another, with barely enough money to I don't know, watch a movie or go out for drinks every once in a while. This of course means that looking for a different job is out of the question because I can't risk my current stability.

Meanwhile, most of my friends have fullfilling lives. They have better jobs, with schedules that allow them to go to college. They are social. They are always travelling, having new experiences, meeting new people. I feel like I'm the poor guy who's stuck in a routine. Whenever I talk to them I'm always the guy who doesn't have any stories to tell. I'm not interesting. I haven't done anything of note. They know places. They've had casual relationships. Whenever there's talk about sex I feel like I have nothing to contribute because I've been with basically only one person in my whole life. Things that are normal for everyone else feel so foreign to me. I feel like an alien. And I'm gonna be 30 in 2 years.

I love my girlfriend but I can't help feeling that she's the only good thing I have in my life right now. Before I met her I was a loser with poor social skills, so it's not like things were better either. I got my first job right after finishing high school, and never stopped since, so I've never had the time to work on a career or anything. My 20s have been a blur and they've gone way too fast. I seriously don't know what to do and I hate that I feel like this.

I was gonna make a new thread but it's not worth it, considering so many people in this thread have actual issues, mine feel so small in comparison.

An issue is an issue no matter what the size. My parents always held over my head that others had it so much worse than me so my problems didn't matter. That just made me sweep my problems under a rug and never deal with them. Now I'm older and these problems have grown considerably.

I'm glad you didn't make a new thread because some of the responses I've seen from gaffers in the past would make you feel worse. Everyone in this thread are here to help each other.

It seems like you're having natural regrets over missing out on things in life. It happens to everybody. All of those friends you talk about probably envied you at one point for finding someone you clicked with for so long. Speaking of which, have you talked with your girlfriend about it? When people are struggling with something, it can show in their demeanor which she might pick up on eventually. It sounds like you two are close and trust each other.

 

[arigato]

Just to follow up my last post, I need to get up now and I feel fucking exhausted and apathic. Fuck I wish I could have a good night sleep.

Yeah, I haven't had a good nights sleep in so many months. Chronic insomnia is painful and sucks.. I remember when sleep used to be solace for me.

 

[Manu]

An issue is an issue no matter what the size. My parents always held over my head that others had it so much worse than me so my problems didn't matter. That just made me sweep my problems under a rug and never deal with them. Now I'm older and these problems have grown considerably.

I'm glad you didn't make a new thread because some of the responses I've seen from gaffers in the past would make you feel worse. Everyone in this thread are here to help each other.

It seems like you're having natural regrets over missing out on things in life. It happens to everybody. All of those friends you talk about probably envied you at one point for finding someone you clicked with for so long. Speaking of which, have you talked with your girlfriend about it? When people are struggling with something, it can show in their demeanor which she might pick up on eventually. It sounds like you two are close and trust each other.

Thanks.

I have talked to her, but what can she even do about it? She has felt like this in the past too, or probably worse since she's older than me.

 

[JDHarbs]

Thanks.

I have talked to her, but what can she even do about it? She has felt like this in the past too, or probably worse since she's older than me.

Having someone there to vent to and support you through it will help alleviate the stress that you are feeling. And if she has had the same feelings in the past then she will know first-hand what you are going through. Then you two can start making goals to work towards that will help improve your situation.

If you've never gone to school post-HS then it shouldn't be difficult to get financial aid. I came from a household that lived paycheck to paycheck and my government grants covered the entire cost of my associates degree. Then you'll just have to worry about working it into your schedule. If you can only handle one class per semester, that's okay. Online classes are always an option as well.

 

[Manu]

Having someone there to vent to and support you through it will help alleviate the stress that you are feeling. And if she has had the same feelings in the past then she will know first-hand what you are going through. Then you two can start making goals to work towards that will help improve your situation.

If you've never gone to school post-HS then it shouldn't be difficult to get financial aid. I came from a household that lived paycheck to paycheck and my government grants covered the entire cost of my associates degree. Then you'll just have to worry about working it into your schedule. If you can only handle one class per semester, that's okay. Online classes are always an option as well.

Not really. Pretty much none of what you mentioned applies over here.

My work hours are pretty shitty too, I do 11 AM - 8 PM Mondays to Fridays. I don't really have any time to squeeze study time in there, and changing my shift hours is impossible.

 

[neojubei]

Starting to think i lost the lottery to life. whether l kill myself now or after i come back from japan really shouldnt matter in the grand scheme of things?

 

[Hermii]

Starting to think i lost the lottery to life. whether l kill myself now or after i come back from japan really shouldnt matter in the grand scheme of things?

In the grand scheme of things like what? Our lives? Human history? The universe? If you zoom back enough, all our lives and everything we do is insignificant. If there is a chance you will enjoy your Japan trip it matters.

 

[neojubei]

In the grand scheme of things like what? Our lives? Human history? The universe? If you zoom back enough, all our lives and everything we do is insignificant. If there is a chance you will enjoy your Japan trip it matters.

well i know i wont enjoy myself. i am going because my friend wants me go with him. Im trying to convince him to go it alone. i think right now if i could i'd down a case of beer and pills just to not feel this horrid and alone. Whether i go or not my life will utter be the same crap i left. i think more and more i am gaining the strength to die. i feel it in my bones and soul. it would be nice to be free not to feel love or loneliness. never had a date or any boyfriend. i am ugliness inside and out. i've already marked the day i want to die on my calendar. i just wish i could fastforward to then.

 

[Hermii]

well i know i wont enjoy myself. i am going because my friend wants me go with him. Im trying to convince him to go it alone. i think right now if i could i'd down a case of beer and pills just to not feel this horrid and alone. Whether i go or not my life will utter be the same crap i left. i think more and more i am gaining the strength to die. i feel it in my bones and soul. it would be nice to be free not to feel love or loneliness. never had a date or any boyfriend. i am ugliness inside and out. i've already marked the day i want to die on my calendar. i just wish i could fastforward to then.

Dude you have a friend that actually wants to go with you to Japan and spend time with you there. Don't take that for granted.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

My health is getting worse.

I'm so angry. All the time. It's been getting worse, rage at my situation, at being unable to change it. Feeling abandoned, no longer have any local friends because no one can stand me. I'm sure the online friends will bail soon enough. And now I'm crying because a particularly excruciating episode of Supergirl (why am I still watching this show?) overdosed on its Valentine's Day theme so hard that it just reminded me how alone I really am.

Hold me jb. I just get so sad and angry.

 

[redlegs87]

My birthday is coming and I'm so depressed.

I'm turning 28 this Sunday, and being so close to turning 30 has made me feel a lot of the same insecurities and fears I had when I was younger. For the last seven years I've been in a loving relationship with a woman who loves me for who I am. We moved in together shortly, maybe a bit too early, but we made it work. We've had our ups and downs, we actually did break up briefly once, but that was long ago and we can always work out our issues, so that's good, right?

Well. The thing is, for six of the past seven years I've had the same crappy job, while my girlfriend was unemployed a few times, which really took a hit on our finances. So we've never travelled out on vacation together, never had a lot of money and basically we've lived day to day and moved from one crappy place to another, with barely enough money to I don't know, watch a movie or go out for drinks every once in a while. This of course means that looking for a different job is out of the question because I can't risk my current stability.

Meanwhile, most of my friends have fullfilling lives. They have better jobs, with schedules that allow them to go to college. They are social. They are always travelling, having new experiences, meeting new people. I feel like I'm the poor guy who's stuck in a routine. Whenever I talk to them I'm always the guy who doesn't have any stories to tell. I'm not interesting. I haven't done anything of note. They know places. They've had casual relationships. Whenever there's talk about sex I feel like I have nothing to contribute because I've been with basically only one person in my whole life. Things that are normal for everyone else feel so foreign to me. I feel like an alien. And I'm gonna be 30 in 2 years.

I love my girlfriend but I can't help feeling that she's the only good thing I have in my life right now. Before I met her I was a loser with poor social skills, so it's not like things were better either. I got my first job right after finishing high school, and never stopped since, so I've never had the time to work on a career or anything. My 20s have been a blur and they've gone way too fast. I seriously don't know what to do and I hate that I feel like this.

I was gonna make a new thread but it's not worth it, considering so many people in this thread have actual issues, mine feel so small in comparison.

Hey I feel somewhat confident in how you are feeling. I am 29 going on 30 this year and up until 2 years ago I was doing nothing with my life I wasted all of my 20's. I get the pain of seeing those around you who seem to have had it easier or better then you in that time. I'll be honest at first that's all I could think about but really you only see a part of their life they want you to see. For all I know they aren't really happy and feel just as bad as I do. I quickly learned that I can't dwell on the past as it's something that can't be changed so why bother thinking about it other then to make sure you don't make the same mistakes again.

Stay strong and know you haven't wasted your life you can still change course if you need to sure it won't happen over night and you'll probably have to make some drastic choices to make it happen but it can happen.

 

[neojubei]

Dude you have a friend that actually wants to go with you to Japan and spend time with you there. Don't take that for granted.

I wish you could understand. Whether i go or not I'm still going to be the horrid ugly loser I've always been. Trying to just survive day by day is punishment enough. Well if I go then I must definitely kill myself after I come back. There is no other way.

 

[Hermii]

I wish you could understand. Whether i go or not I'm still going to be the horrid ugly loser I've always been. Trying to just survive day by day is punishment enough. Well if I go then I must definitely kill myself after I come back. There is no other way.

Not that it's a competition but I'm taking one day at a time, a lot of us do. I don't have a friend that likes me enough to want to go on a trip and spend time with me. Your friend that wants to go to Japan with you clearly don't think you are a horrid ugly looser.

 

[How About No]

I wish you could understand. Whether i go or not I'm still going to be the horrid ugly loser I've always been. Trying to just survive day by day is punishment enough. Well if I go then I must definitely kill myself after I come back. There is no other way.

neojubei, please go on your trip, and after that, please go get help.

If you don't, cuz I guess why would you take advice from a random person on the internet such as ourselves, while you're on your trip, tell your friend

TELL

YOUR

FRIEND

I don't care if that's considered "cornering" him or whatever, but don't care about that, this is something big with your life on the line. Your closest ones NEED to know, so they can even begin being supporting and understanding

Also, whatever date you have circled or whatever as "the day", rip that month out and throw it in the trash. Burn it even.

 

[SugarDave]

I'm getting angry a lot lately. As much as I may always be stuck fighting in the trenches of my mind, I've been able to maintain showing a relatively relaxed face to the world. Recently though, I'm noticing that I will commonly experience a very visceral urge to shout or punch something. I'll be sat in work and the beep on the phone of a customer coming through will set me off, and I'll be sat there for the duration of the call clenching my fist extremely tightly. On a handful of occasions, I've even started pounding the desk (that probably reads like it's a severe issue but it more than likely just looks comical to others in the office) so I can release all the frustration.

It's a strange feeling considering I've always been very good at controlling what feelings actually reach the surface in the past. It's funny, a kind of inside joke with my colleagues started a few weeks ago, where they essentially began implying that I'm the person most likely to lose it and shoot up the office. It's all good-natured, I laugh along with them and even play up to it at times, but I'd be lying if I said that I've never wanted to actually shove someone's head into a desk as much as I have in the last month or so.

I had the last few days booked off from work and I return tomorrow. I think I'm going to tell my manager that I don't believe the position is sustainable for me and that I'm likely to leave before the end of March. It's a shame because I've genuinely grown to love many of my co-workers, but I've done enough self-reflection to know that a call centre role holds nothing for me (not to imply everyone else likes it, I know most don't). In the long run, leaving would be better for my well-being, I think.

 

[Lemaitre]

I In the long run, leaving would be better for my well-being, I think.

I used to work at a call center a few years ago and I agree, a completely awful job that ultimately wears most people out. I'd get out of there too if you feel it's effecting your mental health.

I wish you could understand. Whether i go or not I'm still going to be the horrid ugly loser I've always been. Trying to just survive day by day is punishment enough. Well if I go then I must definitely kill myself after I come back. There is no other way.

Like Hermii already pointed out you can't be much of a loser if you have a friend down to journey to Japan with you. I know your low self-esteem is hard to see past right now but appreciate your friend and go with them.

Then after the trip work on opening up with your friend and other family members. Take it day by day, and you can start to make even some little progress.

Do you ever write journal entries or try to write your emotions out? Writing can be very therapeutic while you try to get help through traditional therapy or medication.

 

[etrain911]

I'm starting to feel pretty hopeless, GAF. I'm graduating college with a BA in Psych and another in Women's Studies, and I applied to 10 different clinical psych programs all of which have seemed to have rejected me. I don't know what to do with myself. School has been my life for as long as I can remember. I'm still waiting on some replies to Master's programs but I feel really directionless and hopeless and alone. I talked to my therapist, but I just, I feel so angry. And sad. And dejected. Like everything I did was for nothing. I don't really know what to do with myself.

 

[JDHarbs]

I'm starting to feel pretty hopeless, GAF. I'm graduating college with a BA in Psych and another in Women's Studies, and I applied to 10 different clinical psych programs all of which have seemed to have rejected me. I don't know what to do with myself. School has been my life for as long as I can remember. I'm still waiting on some replies to Master's programs but I feel really directionless and hopeless and alone. I talked to my therapist, but I just, I feel so angry. And sad. And dejected. Like everything I did was for nothing. I don't really know what to do with myself.

I've been in a similar position since last summer. My sole focus in life up to that point was my studies so once I graduated and couldn't find a job, all I felt was failure and panic. What they don't teach you in school is that the situation you're in is normal. Most people don't land a job in their degree field right out of school. It took a friend of mine over a year to get a job in his, another just got his after graduating a year and a half ago, another is working a job that has nothing to do with his degree, and another is at Walmart still looking.

Take a deep breath, look for a small job to earn money while you continue applying, and don't be afraid to apply for something outside of your field that can also use your skills. I managed to land 2 interviews for marketing jobs just because of my art and computer background. You're on the right track. It's just going to take time.

 

[Astral]

Has anyone tried this app called Koko? You anonymously post about something that's troubling you and people reply with words of encouragement, like a reframing of your negative thinking. You can also reply to others and reply to people whose messages you liked. It seems pretty cool.

 

[JDHarbs]

I worked up the courage to go to the support group today. When I got there, I was the only one my age and everyone else knew each other so I naturally started to panic. I planned to leave once everyone broke into groups, but as everyone moved one of the ladies started a chat with me. I was kind of stuck there now so I went along with it. We all sat down and started to share our stories. Then one by one more people my age arrived. I started to settle in and get much more comfortable after that.

Overall, a good night that I would've missed if that lady hadn't talked to me. I think I might go back now.

 

[_illmatic_]

Hello GAF, one of my best friend's has Schizophrenia and in the past as had episodes dealing with it and had to be hospitalized. Each time it happened he would withdraw from people and you wouldn't hear from him for a few days. Recently it seems that he is having another episode, talking a mile a minute, paranoid, delusions, etc. I've been keeping communication with him and listening to his concerns from delusions well into the early mornings 12am etc.

I don't live in the same city as he and I've reached out to his family about the issue and they also believe he needs some help at this moment. However nothing has been done to help him and he's not interested in getting help because he believes he is fine. Is there anything legally, that I can do? Are their talks I can have to ease his symptoms?

A lot of his thoughts seem to be consumed by money, power, and ownership. So I try to steer him towards talking about good memories with friends and how life is easier not worrying about money, but I don't know what else to do. Any feedback would be great, thanks!

 

[SuperBowser]

Hello GAF, one of my best friend's has Schizophrenia and in the past as had episodes dealing with it and had to be hospitalized. Each time it happened he would withdraw from people and you wouldn't hear from him for a few days. Recently it seems that he is having another episode, talking a mile a minute, paranoid, delusions, etc. I've been keeping communication with him and listening to his concerns from delusions well into the early mornings 12am etc.

I don't live in the same city as he and I've reached out to his family about the issue and they also believe he needs some help at this moment. However nothing has been done to help him and he's not interested in getting help because he believes he is fine. Is there anything legally, that I can do? Are their talks I can have to ease his symptoms?

A lot of his thoughts seem to be consumed by money, power, and ownership. So I try to steer him towards talking about good memories with friends and how life is easier not worrying about money, but I don't know what else to do. Any feedback would be great, thanks!

Laws vary depending on the country you are in. Generally, if he is not a risk to himself or other people or of deteriorating severely, there's little you can do to force him.

Letting his family know is a good step. You can encourage him to call or visit his psychiatric team and reinforce they will try to help with whatever problems he has (I assume he is meant to be followed up by somebody if he's been in hospital previously). If you get really worried about him or something he's going to do you can call the police/ambulance.