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[xXRedxSlugXx]

We all know this is the most humane way to go....

 

[wamberz1]

We all know this is the most humane way to go....

Please, please tell me this isn't real

 

[killer rin]

Please, please tell me this isn't real

Onion News Network... Though given the rate at which the USA is regressing don't be surprised if that hits the news next week.

 

[collige]

I'm strictly against the death penalty for a number of reasons but for the purposes of this thread, I'm curious as to why states haven't tried helium as a execution method similar to how some underground euthanasia organizations advocate for suicide bags.

 

[MGrant]

Please, please tell me this isn't real

It's not.

Here in Taiwan we have a pretty simple method: we put the prisoner to sleep on the floor, then someone shoots them in the heart from the back (or in the brainstem for organ donors) with a pistol.

 

[adj_noun]

Please, please tell me this isn't real

Onion News Network

 

[Kittygirl]

And Mikal Gilmore weeps.

 

[biggersmaller]

If I had choice as to how I would be injustly executed by the government I would choose firing squad over lethal injection.

 

[Neo_Geo]

Next up: bring back the guillotine

If they are going to have any sort of death penalty at all, it should be limited to something like a guillotine.

 

[Ettie]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned death with dignity drugs? Wouldn't that be the best way if you're gonna do it?

 

[Coriolanus]

Hanging is slow, if done by suffocation, tricky if done by snapping the neck. And generally seen as shameful or otherwise a bad way to go... Long ago, it was reserved for traitors and petty thieves. I don't think that image has changed even nowadays, when capital punishment isn't used in much of the west.

Hanging isn't particularly tricky. we kinda have centuries of practice and even books published on the topic

the Reverend Samuel Haughton published a book, On Hanging, in which he calculated how to break a victim’s neck based on the ratio between the length of the rope and the weight of the prisoner. If “W” represents the weight of the criminal, and “S” the length of the rope, Haughton figured that the executioner could use the following formula to determine the quickest way of death: “1/2 M V² = 1W/G2 2 G S = W S.” Using this equation, a 4.5 metre (14.5 feet) drop would be needed to break the neck of someone weighing 72.5kg (160lbs).

obv if the drop is too pronounced, one might be in for quite a spectacle. Still a quick death, tho.

i'd say it beats getting shot.

 

[DontBeThatGuy]

I expect nothing less from Mississippi. (although this Country as a whole is still as blood thirsty as ever)

 

[rambis]

Why stop there? Bring on the fucking gullitoine.

 

[Maintenance]

Just give Monokuma a cabinet on the Trump administration.

 

[hobozero]

What are the odds that as soon as the governor signs the bill into law, the authorities start to hear from Mississippians eager to volunteer. I am sure some of these people would bust a gun nut to get to finally shoot an actual real live person for legal reals.

Mississippian? Mississippiian? Mississippivite? Mississipper?

 

[Owari]

Let's go!!! Repeat History!!

Was thinking the same thing. What the hell?

 

[NarrowPath]

Avi: How do you wanna get rid of him?
Bullet Tooth Tony: Well, do you want to shoot him?
Avi: That's a little noisy, isn't it?
Bullet Tooth Tony: Well, do you want to stab him?
Avi: Well, that's a little cold-blooded, isn't it?
Bullet Tooth Tony: Do you want to kill him, or not?


Personally I'd rather be shot than get the electric chair or be gassed.

 

[Sunster]

yea i'd rather firing squad than gas or chair.

 

[Woorloog]

Hanging isn't particularly tricky. we kinda have centuries of practice and even books published on the topic


obv if the drop is too pronounced, one might be in for quite a spectacle. Still a quick death, tho.

i'd say it beats getting shot.

Well, that requires executioner(s) who know what they're doing. And who know basic math. Doesn't always happen, read of some cases where people hanged for some time or ended otherwise.
Though i guess professional executioner is something of an oxymoron. All the more reason not to have death penalty...

 

[Camaway2]

Very progressive. Next step is the gallows.

 

[cpp_is_king]

Well, that requires executioner(s) who know what they're doing. And who know basic math. Doesn't always happen, read of some cases where people hanged for some time or ended otherwise.
Though i guess professional executioner is something of an oxymoron. All the more reason not to have death penalty...

Seriously, I'm pretty sure of all the challenges we face in the world, figuring out how to kill people is not going to be one of the most challenging. This doesn't need to be rocket science.

 

[Aurongel]

The pro life party.

 

[Hazmat]

I oppose the death penalty but I don't see this being worse than some other methods. I have to imagine that the reason that lethal injection was favored for so long is that it looks clean, like we want to kill mentally challenged criminals but be civilized about it. They're all horrible, but four high caliber rifle bullets (and a blank) fired by five marksmen at your heart would at least be fast, if terribly messy.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

We all know this is the most humane way to go....

Is this some deleted scene from RX bumble?

 

[AcademicSaucer]

Public street execution too?

my ancestors are smiling upon me, Imperial. Can you say the same?

 

[Hello? This is Hailun!]

In terms of how humane a death it looks, the guillotine is the worst by far. In terms of how humane the death actually is, guillotine is the beat by far. Too much history for it to be used though, me thinks.

It's a symbol of the revolutionary justice against the rich and political class. They wouldn't bring it back.

 

[Demoskinos]

Lets throw out all progress and go back to the 1800's why the hell not?

 

[Hidden One]

I know it looks horrendous, but wasn't the guillotine known for being painless? Sounds a lot better than getting shot and bleeding out as does risking a fuck up with lethal injection.

Think I read about a guillotine execution where the man's head was still mouthing the words "I didn't do it". Creepy stuff.

 

[Joco]

I mean, firing squad actually seems more humane than what they do now. I've read some horror stories about lethal injections going wrong, and electrocution doesn't really seem like a great way to go either (although I may be biased after having seen The Green Mile). At least with firing squad, it's over right away.

 

[Netherscourge]

We all know this is the most humane way to go....

Gotta love the Onion News Network!

 

[Familienoberhauptvogel]

Some crimes are so heinous that you don't deserve to breathe any more. I see no problem in trying to choose the most humane, neat or painless way to get it done.

And the rate at which the justice system gets it wrong or has racial biases means you're killing innocents just so heinous criminals will be killed after spending more than a decade already in prison.

 

[Demoskinos]

When it works is the catch, though. When it fails, and it fails far too often, you end up in hours of excruciating pain sometimes unknown to those watching.

The nicest way of excecuting someone is probably by inhalation of something like helium while under, but there are no truly easy ways to die.

carbon monoxide I believe is painless.

 

[parrotbeak]

Better than becoming Class-D.

 

[Rest]

Erm. Isn't Gas Chamber bit more of a shocking thing vs firing squad? Wtf wtf?

Why would execution by gas chamber be shocking?

 

[plidex]

Agreed. I wanna know who this is and story behind it.

Several factors point to it being very likely staged.

 

[CaviarMeths]

Executing people in 2017. All sorts of wtf, really, regardless of method.

 

[Staccat0]

I just wanted to say that when I was a kid this was on end of my favorite movies. I think the bad guy's name was "Jinky" or something stupid. Good times.

 

[Brakke]

why a squad though ? single clean headshot wouldnt kill someone ?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage

 

[Milly Osworth]

Executing people in 2017. All sorts of wtf, really, regardless of method.

Exactly. And people here discussing good ways to kill someone is pretty disgusting.

You all picture monters getting the deathpenalty to feel better probably.

 

[Brakke]

What are the odds that as soon as the governor signs the bill into law, the authorities start to hear from Mississippians eager to volunteer. I am sure some of these people would bust a gun nut to get to finally shoot an actual real live person for legal reals.

Mississippian? Mississippiian? Mississippivite? Mississipper?

The proper demonym is "hick" or "redneck".

 

[Hazmat]

Why don't we just give people enough morphine to OD?

Or put them under like we do for anesthesia, and then inject an overdose of whatever the fuck we want that kills people. Like opiates.

I've always wondered why it isn't anesthesia and then once they're under they don't just OD them on the anesthesia drugs to kill them. When I was younger I always thought that was what lethal injection was.

 

[wandering]

Why don't we just give people enough morphine to OD?

Or put them under like we do for anesthesia, and then inject an overdose of whatever the fuck we want that kills people. Like opiates.

I've always wondered why it isn't anesthesia and then once they're under they don't just OD them on the anesthesia drugs to kill them. When I was younger I always thought that was what lethal injection was.

That is the process for lethal injection. It's a cocktail of three drugs, one to induce unconsciousness, one to paralyze the muscles, and one to stop the heart. The problem is sometimes the cocktail might not work. As for overdosing on a single drug, people have different reactions, and it's often not rapid enough. In some cases cardiac arrest takes up to an hour. You need other drugs to make the process swift.

 

[Hazmat]

That is the process for lethal injection. It's a cocktail of three drugs, one to induce unconsciousness, one to paralyze the muscles, and one to stop the heart. The problem is sometimes the cocktail might not work. As for overdosing on a single drug, people have different reactions, and it's often not rapid enough. In some cases cardiac arrest takes up to an hour. You need other drugs to make the process swift.

I know how it works, but I refuse to believe that there isn't a better series of drugs that could be used or a different method to end the person's life once put to sleep. We don't execute that many people and it seems to get fucked up a lot.

 

[Unknown Soldier]

Onion News Network

This is amazing. The Onion truly is the nation's premier news source.

 

[commedieu]

Barbaric. But shouldn't be shocked from this address backwaRd state. And you know full well good ole boys are just gunnar love shooting up brown people without all the messy paper work and paid leave.

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

This has got to be a joke.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Put them to sleep first, then idc how you kill them.

I'm pretty against capital punishment though

 

[SporeCrawler]

When it works is the catch, though. When it fails, and it fails far too often, you end up in hours of excruciating pain sometimes unknown to those watching.

The nicest way of excecuting someone is probably by inhalation of something like helium while under, but there are no truly easy ways to die.

there is no nicest way. death penalty doesnt suit a modern state under rule of law

 

[Lonewolf_92]

Honestly, may as well if capital punishment is legal anyway. Dead is dead. Though, it'd for sure fuck with the heads of the people pulling the trigger.

Sometimes only one gun is loaded with a live round, the rest are loaded with blanks or wax bullets, other times four are real and one is a blank or wax, and none of the gunners know which has the real bullet(s). Electric chairs and other execution methods have similar setups using buttons for this very same reason.

Is this the year 1863 or 1940? I can't tell anymore,fucking disgusting seeing this.

Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed by a firing squad by the state of Utah in 2010. We're not so far distant from such savagery, regardless of the lies we like to tell ourselves.

 

[EloquentM]

might as well be using a guillotine or some giant axe wielding dude with a bag on his head. Why is this still allowed??

Edit: I see I'm not alone in the thought. fucking terrible.