Does anyone here believe in miracles? Perhaps something divine? What about magic? Sorcery? The dark arts? Witchcraft? Magicks? Anyone here down with any of the aforementioned phenomenon that can not be explained by modern science? Let's talk about the Giants.
2010, the Giants win their first championship since relocating to San Francisco, an event 52 years in the making. A hex had been placed upon them after leaving New York, the Curse of Coogan's Bluff. They were not favourites to win it all, yet somehow, they did. The hex was broken. Taylor Swift released Speak Now, which miraculously sold in the age of declining revenue across the music industry.
2012, once again, the Giants find themselves in the playoffs. Once again, not favourites to win, in fact they faced elimination against both the Reds (down 2 - 0 before rallying) and the Cards (down 3 - 1). They swept the Tigers in the World Series to the surprise of the baseball world. The Giants had somehow won another world series. Taylor Swift released her new album, Red, which did significantly better than Speak Now in terms of chart performance and sales.
2014 the Giants manage to sneak into a wild card spot. Everyone is getting older and there are far too many questions with the roster for this team to seriously make a push for another championship. Then Madison Bumgarner did things. Giants win. They are now a dynasty and have cemented themselves in baseball history as one of the all time great teams. Taylor Swift released 1989, considered to be her magnum opus, propelling her to heights of stardom thought unattainable.
February 2016 Kanye West released The Life of Pablo, his new record on which he asserts that he and Taylor Swift "might have sex" because he "made that bitch famous". The world is shocked and angered at Kanye for continuously provoking and demeaning this poor, innocent white southern belle who never did anything to anyone. Taylor takes the high road and let's the world know not to let disgusting, male pigs take credit for your hard work and perseverance. Kanye tells the world he ran the lyric by Taylor who consented to it and loved it, yet Queen Taylor denies such an encounter ever took place. Why would she let something so vile be said about her? Everyone expects the Giants to win the World Series because it's an even year and even year magic is now a thing. Giants are cruising through the first half of the season with the best record in baseball heading into the all star break.
Kim Kardashian released a series of videos in mid July on snapchat, in which Kanye is speaking with Taylor over the phone about the inclusion of the infamous lyric. She (or someone who sounds a lot like her) agrees to the lyric and thanks Kanye for being gentlemanly enough to run it by her before including it on an album. She thanks him for his friendship. The internet turns on Taylor. She is branded a lying, duplicitous wench who twisted an old narrative to further portray herself as a victim with Kanye as an evil tormentor who relentlessly mocks and belittles her. She is branded a snake and memes and snake emojis flood the internet. Suddenly, the Giants start losing. They give up their decisive lead in the division and eventually settle for a wildcard. There is still hope for the Giants to pull off a win. They lose to buttfucking Cubs with the bullpen giving up 4 runs in the ninth. The dream is dead. Taylor Swift has been cancelled, publicly humiliated, presumably never to be heard from again.
2017 the Giants escape a 100 loss season, one of the worst seasons in San Francisco history. How did this team fall so far so quickly? The dynasty looked to be a shell of it's former self, with comparisons to the Phillies being made by every uneducated dumbfuck sports analyst who clearly don't watch baseball and just report on it because it's their job. The Dodgers continue to play untouchable baseball. In fact they are in the world series this year for the first time since 88. Taylor Swift returns with a new bad girl image. "Look What You Made Me Do" she snarls on her lead single off her new album, Reputation. She gnashes her teeth and scathingly calls out all of those for attempting to assassinate her character through falsehoods and blatantly untrue retellings of the truth. The public doesn't buy it, her album tanks and the Queen is dead. Dodgers lose game 7 of the World Series at home to Houston, a fatal blow to the pride of Californians everywhere. Beaten by Texans, how degrading.
2019 Bruce Bochy announces this will be his last year. Madison Bumgarner is a free agent by the end of the year. Buster Posey is returning from hip surgery. If the team gets off to a good start, maybe just maybe, they can make one last playoff push and send Bochy off a winner. The dream is dead by the end of May, as the team is hot garbage. Bumgarner will definitely be traded along with other key bullpen members. Posey is 2 months into the season and barely batting .200. He'll never be the same after this surgery. It's June and the team is 12 games under .500
Taylor Swift announces that she has lost her masters and publishing, a critical blow to her as an artist. She is at the mercy of evil white males who now control her most profitable era. She takes the high road and announces her new album, Lover, to be coming out later in the year. Make love, not war. The Giants start winning. Something has changed but no one can put a finger on it. The team is now above .500 and 2 games back of a wild card spot. Bumgarner and others are no longer on the table for trades, in fact it looks like the team is currently untouchable in trade talks. Could they be making a final push for Bochy? No, that's impossible... It's not an even year.
