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[Alex Anderson]

No embarrassing stories but a friend and I used to sit on opposite sides of the room during a couple of classes in 7th grade and would try to fart loud enough so it could be heard by the other. We wouldn't tip the other off when, though... it could come at any time! Once in English class I let out a pretty good one and no reacted to it but him, from across the room. He threw his arms up like a wide receiver looking for a pass interference flag and said, "No one else heard that???"

This is the same friend who when we were ~10 showed me how he could lie on the floor, pull his legs back over his head and suck air into his ass and then fart it out. I could do it too, but the skill has long since faded.

^^ should probably clarify all of this was done when fully clothed

 

[ScOULaris]

Fell asleep in math class in high school. Farted in my sleep so loud I woke myself up. Look around with the whole class just looking at me like WTF :lol

Hey, I'm not alone!

This is the same friend who when we were ~10 showed me how he could lie on the floor, pull his legs back over his head and suck air into his ass and then fart it out. I could do it too, but the skill has long since faded.

Ahaha! I used to do that too as a kid. I probably still could if I tried hard enough.

 

[Clydefrog]

My ex farted once during sex and it smelled horrible. She started laughing but I was disgusted.

 

[Count Dookkake]

+1 for dropping ass in public.

 

[Tarazet]

I worked as a car salesman for a summer. Just once, I ate at the Popeye's next door for lunch. I was on phone duty near the front of the dealership, and I farted pretty much nonstop all afternoon. One of the team managers comes in at some point and says with a disgusted look, "Someone's fartin' up a storm." I just looked up at him, then silently back down at the phone.

 

[TacticalFox88]

Not me, but I was on a date with this one chick. All of a sudden she FARTS this HUGE one so loud that it echoed throughout the entire restaurant. RANDOMLY! Then when the ENTIRE restaurant looks at us, she goes "The FUCK ya'll looking at!" Cue everyone going back to their dinners.

At the time, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. But now, I laugh so hard. :lol :lol :lol

 

[deejay8595]

Not me, but I was on a date with this one chick. All of a sudden she FARTS this HUGE one so loud that it echoed throughout the entire restaurant. RANDOMLY! Then when the ENTIRE restaurant looks at us, she goes "The FUCK ya'll looking at!" Cue everyone going back to their dinners.

At the time, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. But now, I laugh so hard. :lol :lol :lol

LOL..:lol I heard this one on here before. You the same poster?

 

[Kurtofan]

Never fart on a wood chair.

 

[JeTmAn81]

Westminster Abbey.

 

[ScOULaris]

Not me, but I was on a date with this one chick. All of a sudden she FARTS this HUGE one so loud that it echoed throughout the entire restaurant. RANDOMLY! Then when the ENTIRE restaurant looks at us, she goes "The FUCK ya'll looking at!" Cue everyone going back to their dinners.

At the time, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. But now, I laugh so hard. :lol :lol :lol

Haha. I imagine she's a lady of color, amirite?

 

[Shiv47]

Wasn't embarrassing per se, but in high school, one of my classes had just convened, and we were waiting for our teacher to show up. I sat in the very last seat of the row closest to the windowed side of the room. I felt a massive fart coming on, and managed, through precise control, to release it all without any audible accompaniment. After a moment, I smelled what was an overpoweringly gruesome-smelling fart. The dude in front of me smells it also, and since the teacher hasn't arrived yet, he immediately starts freaking out, a chain reaction that spreads along with the fart cloud. Reaction is immediate, and the guys (I went to an all guys school) in my class are pissed. Debate quickly follows about whether to open the windows, and the stink wins out over the 5 degree weather, but it does little good. Our teacher finally walks in, and you can see immediately that he smells it. He drops his briefcase on the desk, looks at us, and says "I'm not teaching in here," and walks out. He comes back five minutes later, and tells us, "Whoever did that needs to see a doctor."

Somehow, I managed not to burst out in what would have been completely deranged laughter through the whole thing.

 

[BobsRevenge]

You're post kinda reaffirms his point. Why are you so ashamed?!

oh, and you probably fart in your sleep if you don't fart daily.

I mean, I fart on the john, and maybe in my sleep, but I didn't count that. My diet just seems to jive with my digestive system. I have my bad days, but in general its not a worry of mine.

 

[apocalidiot]

LOL..:lol I heard this one on here before. You the same poster?

Same... still awesome :lol

 

[Like the hat?]

at the y, I was on the treadmill.

I got there and the place was empty, so I got on the treadmill at the farthest side. After a couple minutes, they started slipping out. I didn't mind because I was seriously the only person on a treadmill. So of course someone else comes in a few minutes later and takes the one RIGHT next to me, with all the others empty, and started running fast and audibly grunting to draw attention to himself, so I thought to myself fuck it, if this guy wants to try to act like he's a big shot and make himself feel like he's the "better man" by effortlessly run next to the struggling fat guy, so be it. At that point I just started letting 'em rip. He lasted next to me about 5 minutes before getting off and moving to a machine down the lane.

not really embarrassing, but oh well

 

[Nard Bagman]

Some people get embarrassed farting in front of immediate family members? Hm.

I have never ripped audible ass publicly (around people i care about hearing it) but i have been the culprit of some pretty raunchy silent assassins. The best kinds are ones where you let go in the beginning of a supermarket aisle, walk down the aisle, then watch the people walk by said aisle.

 

[LCfiner]

threads like this are my guilty pleasure on Gaf. you're all cracking me up. It's great. :lol

 

[McNei1y]

I was in church during school about 5-6th grade and it was during a silent moment during mass like when the priest walks to the altar or when he is about to give his homily... Anyway, I let one rip by accident. It vibrated my whole pew (which was wooden) and echoed throughout the church. Those fake-coughs that people do in church became little laughs and snickers. I felt like a champ.

 

[apocalidiot]

This thread should be called "The best places you've ever farted"

 

[LoneWolf296]

I just walked in and had to high step to avoid a stepping on some documents and the Vuvzela Concerto in B flat happened.

This is the funniest post in the thread only because I imagined what a vuvuzela concerto would sound like and immediately heard an amplified fart

 

[GhaleonEB]

On a related topic, am the only one who works a cubical job and tends to do fumigation runs on adjacent rows? I never want to flood my own cube with noxious fumes lest someone need to swing by, so I do a wander down some other isles. Often I'll hear, a minute or two later, people reacting to the horrors on the other side of the cube wall. Bruhaha.

 

[snacknuts]

Some people get embarrassed farting in front of immediate family members? Hm.

I have never ripped audible ass publicly (around people i care about hearing it) but i have been the culprit of some pretty raunchy silent assassins. The best kinds are ones where you let go in the beginning of a supermarket aisle, walk down the aisle, then watch the people walk by said aisle.

I used to work at Circuit City and had a sales manager that would sneak up behind customers I was talking to, drop a rotten ass bomb, and then GTFO. It was simultaneously annoying and hilarious.

 

[cbox]

Pro-tip - Never hold in colossal farts as the amount of bass they replicate as they exit (especially in the cramped confines of a bathroom stall) will certainly echo through thin drywall and alert fellow employees you have just ripped major-ass.

 

[LCfiner]

Pro-tip - Never hold in colossal farts as the amount of bass they replicate as they exit (especially in the cramped confines of a bathroom stall) will certainly echo through thin drywall and alert fellow employees you have just ripped major-ass.

Another, related pro-tip.

don't use a washroom next to your immediate co-workers. take a walk, if your office is large enough. mix it up.

 

[Plywood]

Of course, I had to make a comment as well or they would know it was me. I think I said something like, "whoever it was, you know who you are and you probably need to go to the bathroom!" I calmly finished the math class and proceeded to have explosive diarrhea right afterwards.

After such a lame comment I'm sure everyone knew it was you.

 

[MiniBossBattle]

Pro-tip - Never hold in colossal farts as the amount of bass they replicate as they exit (especially in the cramped confines of a bathroom stall) will certainly echo through thin drywall and alert fellow employees you have just ripped major-ass.

This. The worst or best is when the person in the stall next to you starts cracking up.

 

[NomarTyme]

It was gym class and I had this girl hold down my feet for sit ups.....

 

[BlackNMild2k1]

This one wasn't my embarrassing moment, but I was there when it happened.

Me & my sister were watching TV in the living room one afternoon after eating something that made us both gassy the night before. I ripped one while sitting on the couch and we both laughed. A few minutes later, while she was sitting on the floor, my sister sorta leaned to the side and just let it go. It started out sounding like an elephant raised it's trunk and started to trumpet and was quickly joined by the sound & vibrations of the entire herd of elephants stampeding the plains as it vibrated through the floor so hard that I felt it while sitting on the couch. I not only felt it on the couch, but it vibrated the the glass table next to her and the glass stuff that was on it. I would swear that it lasted for a full 30 seconds (it was probably closer to 10) and I just sat there in shock, wide eyed, jaw dropped and staring at her in disbelief.

About 5 seconds later my mom (who was in her room laying in bed) came running into the living room, where we were watching TV, all excited saying "Did you feel that? What was that!? An Earthquake!!?"

Me and my sister just looked at each other and started laughing our asses off. I laugh about it to this day.

 

[andycapps]

This. The worst or best is when the person in the stall next to you starts cracking up.

Man, there have been some times I've been over in the other stall silently laughing as some poor guy comes running in ripping off his pants and is letting the poo spew as soon as they are off and before he hits the seat. Then it's just a chorus of farts and it's hard to keep the laughter in.

 

[ScOULaris]

Man, there have been some times I've been over in the other stall silently laughing as some poor guy comes running in ripping off his pants and is letting the poo spew as soon as they are off and before he hits the seat. Then it's just a chorus of farts and it's hard to keep the laughter in.

I know! I relish those little hilarious moments in life. Some people in public stalls sound like they are in dire fucking straights whilst taking a shit. Grunting and moaning as the shit spews erratically from their anus like a broken spicket. I don't get it. I shit silently.

 

[Kurtofan]

Not me, but I was on a date with this one chick. All of a sudden she FARTS this HUGE one so loud that it echoed throughout the entire restaurant. RANDOMLY! Then when the ENTIRE restaurant looks at us, she goes "The FUCK ya'll looking at!" Cue everyone going back to their dinners.

At the time, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. But now, I laugh so hard. :lol :lol :lol

I would have found that exciting.

 

[ScOULaris]

Also, one time I was in a mall bathroom when I heard a guy who must have been really constipated. He just kept saying, in a very audible tone, "C'mon ass, shit!" He was pleading with his own asshole for everyone to hear! :lol

 

[MustacheBandit_]

I have the typical sit-up story. I was in High School and in P.E. we were doing sit-ups. The girl holding my feet was super hot and I kind of had a crush on her. Well, on my way up I let one fucking rip so loud in the gymnasium that it echoed. Not a good experience.

Last summer when I was backpacking through Europe, I crop-dusted the Vatican. It wasn't loud but man, it smelled.

I also have a lot of stories of helping clients at work (I work at a bank) and they'll just straight up fart or burp without any concession to the people around them. The biggest offenders are Indian people and Chinese people. Maybe it's a cultural thing.

EDIT: I'm having a horrible week and this thread alone has made me laugh pretty hard, making me feel a bit better. Thanks OP.

 

[ScOULaris]

I crop-dusted the Vatican.

C'mon, mods! This is a tag in the making!

 

[WickedAngel]

My bathroom is sandwiched between my room and my sisters room so I have to keep my farts in by squeezing my butt muscles whenever I take a dump.

This one time my friends had her friends over and when I had to squeeze one out, I let a big fart out.

The toilet bowl amplified the fart and my sister and her friends laughed at me.

There's nothing worse than shitting when you've got an audience right outside.

 

[Double D]

Wow, I'm crying reding through this thread. Some of you sure are reserved about your farting. I guess I come from somewhat of a 'farting' family. Someone in my family always seems to have horrible gas at literally any function we end up at. We can't ever get away with it, because after all these years, we all find farting incredibly hilarious. Church, school, dinners, business meetings (family business), you name it, one of us has ripped terrible ass there.

Hell, because of the family business we're in (office environment, Me, my dad, brother, aunt, uncle, sister, bro-in-law, and 30 other people), not a week goes by where one of us doesn't blast a loud fart over the intercom. The worst is when my brother-in-law calls my extension, only to fire a sharp rip right in the earpiece.

Another example is that pretty much every person who has dated any of my sisters has been awakened by a 'bare-assed' fart in the face by either myself or brother-in-law.

 

[Archer]

It was gym class and I had this girl hold down my feet for sit ups.....

Nice.

 

[Why For?]

Just the other day in front of my father-in law.

Still not 100% if he actually heard it and chose to act like he didn't.

 

[Double D]

No embarrassing stories but a friend and I used to sit on opposite sides of the room during a couple of classes in 7th grade and would try to fart loud enough so it could be heard by the other. We wouldn't tip the other off when, though... it could come at any time! Once in English class I let out a pretty good one and no reacted to it but him, from across the room. He threw his arms up like a wide receiver looking for a pass interference flag and said, "No one else heard that???"

This is the same friend who when we were ~10 showed me how he could lie on the floor, pull his legs back over his head and suck air into his ass and then fart it out. I could do it too, but the skill has long since faded.

^^ should probably clarify all of this was done when fully clothed

Holy shit this post brings back some memories. I always had sleepovers in middle school for my birthday. My mom had gotten me one of those 'Wrestling Buddies' (Hulk Hogan) at some point in time and it was just in my room. Anyways, a few of my friends went to sleep and the rest of us would rip ass on the Hulkster and hold it in the faces of those who had fallen asleep. Some of them actually woke up from the stench :lol

Also reminded me that one of those friends could do the legs behind the head trick. He called it 'The Wise Man', lol. So he'd do the wise man and keep injecting ass into Hulk Hogan. I'm cracking up just typing this :lol

 

[brianjones]

do people really have such a hard time holding farts in?

i honestly cant think of a single example i could give

 

[wenis]

The real thing about farting in public is is that you need to own it. It's only natural and happens to everyone. Doesn't mean I do it on purpose, but if I let one slip by before I can excuse myself to the restroom, I apologize and the day goes on.

 

[cbox]

All the words we're making up for farts are making me cry :lol :lol :lol

Injecting ass? :lol :lol

 

[cbox]

do people really have such a hard time holding farts in?

i honestly cant think of a single example i could give

Eat a bran breakfast cereal with a kidney bean, lentil and lima bean soup for lunch and you'll know what i'm talking about at least.

 

[Slayer-33]

It was gym class and I had this girl hold down my feet for sit ups.....

That is fucking embarrassing :lol

My ex farted once during sex and it smelled horrible. She started laughing but I was disgusted.

That's just a nightmare situation don't even mention it again :lol

 

[Double D]

do people really have such a hard time holding farts in?

i honestly cant think of a single example i could give

Why hold them in? Let them rip and keep a straight face. I guaranteee the other person in the room feels more awkward than you.

 

[Tashi]

I'm sure I've ripped ass in a few classes. That's always the worst. Sometimes it just builds so fucking much and it gets to the point where I'm not even paying attention in class, I'm just trying to contain the explosion in my fucking stomach. The release when you finally get out of class is always the best feeling though. :lol :lol

 

[Trojan X]

IT WAS MEEE!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHlqdseyAY

 

[ChocolateCupcakes]

It was gym class and I had this girl hold down my feet for sit ups.....

:lol :lol

This is a great thread.

 

[Darklord]

I was at school, busting to fart. I dropped my pen on the floor and when I bent down to pick it up the fart was pushed out. A big, loud fart. Right in front of everyone and directed at the cute girl sitting next to me(as I bent the other way to pick up the pen).

 

[_Bro]

For some reason the teacher had me stand on my chair because I was supposed to represent the sun. Not a sound was made but . . . it's a visual thing.

Not sure how it happened. Maybe my cheeks shifted and removed my wedgie. The odd fabric trapping air that filled up the space.

Either way, it looked like I blew a balloon up in my pants.

 

[The Lamonster]

Another example is that pretty much every person who has dated any of my sisters has been awakened by a 'bare-assed' fart in the face by either myself or brother-in-law.

:lol :lol :lol

Sooooo glad my girlfriend has all sisters!