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NeoGAF Anonymous Confessions 2014 - Confessember Be Upon Us - Under New Management

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E

EloquentM

aka Mannny
I'll give you guys a confession without anonymity.

When I was young like in 5th or 6th grade there was this program I was involved in after school that was kinda like a daycare for kids with parents that worked late, and basically we would sit in the cafeteria area after school and do arts and crafts, hw, goof off, etc. at the time pokemon was big and this kid at school had all 3 games (red, blue, yellow) that he would constantly gloat about and tease people about who didn't have the games. At that time I had red version and I felt like he was a spoiled brat who didn't deserve them so, before we went to the playground I watched him stash the games in his backpack. while everyone was leaving I stalled a bit and casually opened up his pack to grab the blue and yellow versions. it was pretty shitty in retrospect as no one really deserves this.

Anyways I think the funniest part was that in order to convince my parents of where I got the game I didn't just say a friend gave it to me, I had to make a whole complex story about me finding them in the gutter (we knew at the time that water didn't really affect the cartridges after many bouts with my games and the washing machine) and she believe me. Thinking back I'm sure it was more of my mom just not caring about my gaming habits more than her believing my convoluted story. with that being said my parents were great and they raised me well, so well that they never assumed that I'd steal but I was always a little shit when I was young. I was generally considered the Damian of my family. I have lots of stories from when I was young and was being a general (albeit) cute ass but this one sticks with me the most because very few people know and it was something I vividly remember doing.

PS: Haven't stolen since that day.
 
S

salty_Josh

Member
Public confession: I'm allergic to fruit and vegetables. I think It's because I'm allergic to kiwi - when I have it I get a rash or my hayfever, which only seems to be a problem in spring.
Whenever I have any fruit or veg, I throw it up. In small quantities, however e.g. an orange slice I don't throw it up, but I end up feeling sick for hours. This is worst when there's peppers/onions in my food and they need to be there because they pretty much are the flavour of the dish. Then about 10 minutes later I feel really ill and can hear my stomach churning.
It's really horrible when I can't even have certain types of fresh orange juice. I can taste when fruit has been touching my food and this puts me in a certain state of unease, so I cautiously eat the food. I have developed a sort of phobia of fruit and salads because I just see a bowl of vomit.
I also fear that this diet may lead to some serious health problems because of a lack of vitamins, although I seem to have been okay health wise since this really started being a problem
about 4 years ago.
I never really tell anyone this other than saying I don't like fruit and veg because they aren't likely to believe me, but I'll tell you GAF because you won't call me out and make me eat stuff that makes me hurl.
 
C

CesspoolofHatred

Member
salty_Josh said:
Public confession: I'm allergic to fruit and vegetables. I think It's because I'm allergic to kiwi - when I have it I get a rash or my hayfever, which only seems to be a problem in spring.
Whenever I have any fruit or veg, I throw it up. In small quantities, however e.g. an orange slice I don't throw it up, but I end up feeling sick for hours. This is worst when there's peppers/onions in my food and they need to be there because they pretty much are the flavour of the dish. Then about 10 minutes later I feel really ill and can hear my stomach churning.
It's really horrible when I can't even have certain types of fresh orange juice. I can taste when fruit has been touching my food and this puts me in a certain state of unease, so I cautiously eat the food. I have developed a sort of phobia of fruit and salads because I just see a bowl of vomit.
I also fear that this diet may lead to some serious health problems because of a lack of vitamins, although I seem to have been okay health wise since this really started being a problem
about 4 years ago.
I never really tell anyone this other than saying I don't like fruit and veg because they aren't likely to believe me, but I'll tell you GAF because you won't call me out and make me eat stuff that makes me hurl.
Click to expand...
I've heard of pretty weird allergies, but this is pretty strange.

Then again, I'm allergic to penicillin, so who am I to judge?
 
Rest

Rest

All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
salty_Josh said:
Public confession: I'm allergic to fruit and vegetables. I think It's because I'm allergic to kiwi - when I have it I get a rash or my hayfever, which only seems to be a problem in spring.
Whenever I have any fruit or veg, I throw it up. In small quantities, however e.g. an orange slice I don't throw it up, but I end up feeling sick for hours. This is worst when there's peppers/onions in my food and they need to be there because they pretty much are the flavour of the dish. Then about 10 minutes later I feel really ill and can hear my stomach churning.
It's really horrible when I can't even have certain types of fresh orange juice. I can taste when fruit has been touching my food and this puts me in a certain state of unease, so I cautiously eat the food. I have developed a sort of phobia of fruit and salads because I just see a bowl of vomit.
I also fear that this diet may lead to some serious health problems because of a lack of vitamins, although I seem to have been okay health wise since this really started being a problem
about 4 years ago.
I never really tell anyone this other than saying I don't like fruit and veg because they aren't likely to believe me, but I'll tell you GAF because you won't call me out and make me eat stuff that makes me hurl.
Click to expand...
How's your gut flora?
 
NeOak

NeOak

Member
Mineshaft_Gap said:
Cumfessor is probably a joke character. I can't picture ANY members of Girl GAF being a"cum dumpster." All ladies here are pure class.

I have a confession. To the GAFFER that I like, please figure out that I like you and ask me out.
Click to expand...

There are people like that. I know a couple, but sadly none live close to me lol.
 
L

lt519

Member
Sometimes when I'm really bored I wonder what goes on over here in OT GAF. Then I click on a thread like this and several hours later I remember why I avoid it. Shit like this is gold, but damn do I lose sleep reading entire threads like this. I'll be contributing to this shortly! NTGYK keep fighting the good fight.
 
M

MyAbsolution

Member
salty_Josh said:
Public confession: I'm allergic to fruit and vegetables. I think It's because I'm allergic to kiwi - when I have it I get a rash or my hayfever, which only seems to be a problem in spring.
Whenever I have any fruit or veg, I throw it up. In small quantities, however e.g. an orange slice I don't throw it up, but I end up feeling sick for hours. This is worst when there's peppers/onions in my food and they need to be there because they pretty much are the flavour of the dish. Then about 10 minutes later I feel really ill and can hear my stomach churning.
It's really horrible when I can't even have certain types of fresh orange juice. I can taste when fruit has been touching my food and this puts me in a certain state of unease, so I cautiously eat the food. I have developed a sort of phobia of fruit and salads because I just see a bowl of vomit.
I also fear that this diet may lead to some serious health problems because of a lack of vitamins, although I seem to have been okay health wise since this really started being a problem
about 4 years ago.
I never really tell anyone this other than saying I don't like fruit and veg because they aren't likely to believe me, but I'll tell you GAF because you won't call me out and make me eat stuff that makes me hurl.
Click to expand...


You're not alone. I have this exactly for Apples (big time), handful of strawberries, grapes, oranges. Automatic vomit, and its excruciatingly painful there is no stopping that action. This all developed over time. No veggie reaction though, you've got it worse than me I suppose.
 
S

salty_Josh

Member
MyAbsolution said:
You're not alone. I have this exactly for Apples (big time), handful of strawberries, grapes, oranges. Automatic vomit, and its excruciatingly painful there is no stopping that action. This all developed over time. No veggie reaction though, you've got it worse than me I suppose.
Click to expand...
Potatoes of all kinds are okay, though. I couldn't live without chips/crisps/mash/roast potatoes/jacket potatoes.
Chainsawkitten said:
Go see a doctor. They can do tests for OAS.
Click to expand...
I'm going to do this thanks
 
V

Valhelm

contribute something
I honestly feel very guilty about accidentally stealing a friend's toy Stormtrooper when I was six.

He had this awesome tiny Star Wars vehicle set with five or six little Stormtroopers, each a centimeter tall. I put one of them in my pocket and I didn't notice again until I moved away to Kansas.
 
C

CesspoolofHatred

Member
Valhelm said:
I honestly feel very guilty about accidentally stealing a friend's toy Stormtrooper when I was six.

He had this awesome tiny Star Wars vehicle set with five or six little Stormtroopers, each a centimeter tall. I put one of them in my pocket and I didn't notice again until I moved away to Kansas.
Click to expand...

So wait, was it in your pants pocket the entire time?

How did nobody notice it when laundry was being done?
 
terrisus

terrisus

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Ice cold.
Click to expand...

image.php
image.php
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
I totally idolize Patrick Bateman. I try to live my life like his, but without the infidelity and murder. He's brilliant, handsome, built, wealthy, and charismatic. I wish I had just a fraction of what he had.
Click to expand...

You want to live life like a delusional sociopath?
 
D

dani_dc

Member
I'm sure this thread made Fiction all the less paranoid about her pictures!

Hopefully her self-esteem went up alongside those.
terrisus said:
Whomever it is should totally PM me...
...Because reasons >.>
Click to expand...
I thought you were asexual?
Seems like a waste.
Or do you just want to give the girl some emotional support?
 
D

dani_dc

Member
Fiction said:
I posted my senior photo on gaf a few times.

Happy hunting >.<
Click to expand...
Well that was easier than expected to find. I recall seeing that picture before anyway.

I'm not creepy, I just get curious easily, plus that read like a challenge so I had to try and find it!

... T_T
 
D

dani_dc

Member
Here's a picture of me in my senior year if anyone is interested in such!

I'm sorry I don't look hot in it, but I assure you that under that silly suit I was very much in great shape!

Fiction said:
Your search skills are epic, since I don't think I've posted it in quite some time. >.< The black and white one right?
Click to expand...
Thanks, but I don't consider my searching skills that great, was an easy find with the right keywords,

And yeah, black and white one with the leopard like dress.
BladeoftheImmortal said:
I wasnt actually going to look. but I'm glad someone got some happiness.
Click to expand...

Don't make me sound so creepy!
 
K

KidJr

Member
The confessor who loves the thought of being cum inside her is reeeaaalllyyy common, to the point where I wouldn't even consider it a fetish, just a natural part of biological attraction.
 
D

dani_dc

Member
terrisus said:
Hey, I want to have children >.>

Although, the fact that I'm married to someone already would probably be an issue... >.>
Click to expand...

Well, I have good news, there are methods of conceiving which do not require sexual intercourse!

To be fair, your wife might find your sudden interest in sex as a positive thing, even if it is with someone else :p

I also want kids, but I need to find a woman for that before all else.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
I can't relate to new people any more, and it drives me crazy. I don't mean I can't talk to them, but I don't seem to get this emotional connection to them any more. It's been a real problem for me since I moved cities entirely as well. But I guess it all started about 2 years ago, when I had a roommate commit suicide. I remember I woke up and wanted to shower, but the door was locked. I went back to bed and tried again 20 minutes later but it was still locked, more odd the light was off (the light to the toilet room was outside of it in the area with the bathroom sink, since we had 2 doors). The door was still locked, so I knocked to see if there was a response. Nobody answered so I figured it just got locked and closed somehow, so I used scissors to open it (it was one of those locks you just poke in the key hole to open), and there he was. It shocked me and at the time I thought I was ok and over it. I went to a therapist for a few weeks but I was feeling normal again as I pushed myself through school work so I stopped thinking I was ok. I guess I wasn't.



Since then I've had some odd feelings of guilt wondering if I might've been able to help prevent it, despite only knowing him for 1 month before he did it. I know it wouldn't have, but at the same time this thought worries me and I find it so hard to just push past this and care about people. There's like an invisible wedge between me and other people, and I'm scared if I open it up I'll get hurt again and have to deal with the shock and pain and I'm just not sure I have that energy left in me any more. Even some of my former friends I've drifted from, I don't even feel the same closeness to them that I did before, I'll hang out with them occassionally when I'm in town but it's not the same still and I'm not sure it ever will be.
Click to expand...

It'll probably never be... the same, but you can work through it. Guilt (real or imagined) is a terrible and powerful thing that affects people in ways they cannot predict. From what it sounds like, you might not have been able to do anything. You didn't know him very well, so how could you have predicted it?

You should see a therapist about it though. No one should be isolated like this.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Soulfucker IV: A New Hope.

Soulfucker again. First, some responses to people.

First, Enliced2 - It's the second one. Mirror dimensions and all that. We just called 'em timelines.

Second, I'm not on drugs, I swear. I was kinda turned off by that lifestyle after seeing a close family member go to rehab when she was in high school, and I was in middle school. I'm not a big fan of alcohol, either. Maybe I'm just ultra-repressed and that's why I write stupid stuff on the internet.

Thirdly, Hyperactivity, thank you so much for the compliments! I actually did get into online roleplaying because I like writing shit (and as you can tell by my confessions I was a bit shit at it), and because there's really no other environment that's as heavy in the improvisation department. The life of an online roleplayer is equal parts strange and mortifying, and this next bit is no exception. Good god I'd say it's almost the EPITOME of strange and mortifying, and needlessly complicated to boot.

~~~~

Now then, time to go back to that plastic virus thing. Let me tell you all the tale of something called "plastic magic". It's probably the most convoluted mess I've ever been in.

It was conceived before my time as a roleplayer, by one of the more veteran RPers. It was magic based all around making balloons and plastic things, and there were even sentient balloon people. Simple enough, right?

When I joined, there were several other things that I "contributed". Like brainwashing, plastic genies, more sentient balloons, and worst of all, plasti-gina. You do not want to know about plasti-gina. I was young and dumb and horny and fucking balloons appealed to me for some stupid reason I can't even remember. My fetishes are much more subdued now, I can assure you of that.

So, with all this awfulness so far removed from the innocent idea of making plastic from thin air, I tried to think of some power source for it all and came up with the worst possible things.

Like a plastic orb full of literally tortured souls (Soul-Orb) made from the darkest of magicks to explain the genies and the brainwashing and the genitalia that appeared where it should never appear. Oh also everyone who's a practicer of plastic magic - we called them plastic mages - has parts of their souls connected to it and if they destroy it they die too. My writing was going through a grimdark phase, in case you couldn't tell.

And in charge of this thing was a tyrannical... Arceus... balloon...

A-And he somehow had a flesh and blood daughter, I don't even know how, fuck it, moving on.

Said daughter had a virus implanted in her from her conception, and it turned her plastic at age 8, and gave her stereotypical witch clothes that she got into the habit of wearing, and then when she turned 18 she would blossom into a byooouuteefuhl plastic angel that would make everything around her smooth and plastic and <headdesk>. She was made flesh at one point, by the way. Some shit about her having to choose between plastic magic or being flesh and blood again, I don't remember it all that well. Basically played as a Sadistic Choice.

Eventually, the virus was starting to go off again, but there was a failsafe. If she was impregnated, the virus wouldn't activate or affect you, presumably because absolutely nobody involved would want a plastic fetus. I don't need to tell you what happened at that point, you've probably already guessed. I mean, I could get into how that technically shouldn't even WORK, that it would probably take a BIT more time for the body to recognize it's pregnant, but hey, MAGIC VIRUSES, am I right?

That's where the surrogate mother thing came in. Another character in the topic - who was also a psychic - went looking for people eligible to serve as a surrogate mother for virus-baby so that plasti-witch could get something called a null-zygote that could fool her body into thinking it's pregnant when it's actually not so there could be more time to find a way to remove the virus without hurting the virus-baby. Then in a tragic twist, the psychic girl was the only one who could serve as a surrogate mother, because she was the only one there who had the same blood type as plasti-witch. So that happened.

Soon after THAT, timelines became a thing. And a few months after plasti-baby was born, we dragged in a character from a timeline literally full of magic, and said character disassembled the Soul-Orb and put everyone's souls back together and plastic magic was no longer a thing (except when someone came up with a way to do it that didn't involve tortured souls because jesus christ why was that ever a thing).

And when we carried out our latest continuity reboot, plastic magic, the Soul-Orb, all of that was wiped out, and we replaced it with something cooler, something more hip, more palatable to a mainstream audience.

Plastic nanomachines, son.

So, that's the story as far as I can remember it, and it's long as shit, so here, lemme give y'all a TL;DR that you can quote to your friends and then they can become curious and read the horror.

TL;DR: Plastic magic --> Plastic brainwashing --> Plastic Soul-Orb --> Plastic Witch --> Plastic Virus --> Plastic Baby --> Plastic Surrogacy --> Plastic Orb Disassembly --> Fuck this reality, let's make a new one --> Plastic Nanomachines

Good night, everybody.
Click to expand...

What. The. Fuck.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Preface this by saying I'm not the "I want to be a cult leader" guy from the beginning of the thread but his confession gave me the courage to say this.

I have so much shit to get off my chest

First off, I'm a virgin and I'm almost 20. It's killing me. I'm not ugly but I'm not exactly attractive and most people don't know. I feel so inadequate and worry that I'll evantually get to "wizard status". Every day I get closer and closer to being a 40-year-old virgin. It makes me want to vomit sometimes. On some days it makes me suicidal.

I try to date but it's so fucking hard. Only three times have I ever succesfully arranged a date with a girl. First one had a boyfriend and thought it was a "friendly outing". Other two weren't interested. Every time I have a crush on a girl it ends up going terribly.

I feel like if I was a girl this would be so much easier. Having institutional privilege is awesome but I'm so fucking lonely. I had friends but they all moved away or we don't talk anymore. The only friends I have no are these cool seniors who are all going to law school next year anyway.

I tried to see if I could get therapy a couple weeks back and my dad fucking laughed at me. He said he wouldn't pay for it. He's always pressuring me to man up and I think he knows I'm a virgin. When I was 17 he bought me condoms and I've never had to open the box. I think he knows.

Just reading about dating and shit makes me so uncomfortable. Whenever I go on a date with a woman I can't stop thinking about if she's going to be fucked at a party that night. It depresses me that it's so hard to be exclusive. I don't want to have casual sex but I know that I have to if I want to keep a girl. I just wish I had a girlfriend. It would make me so happier. I'm so worried that if I DO find a girl who actually likes me I'll scare her off by coming off too strong. I have no idea when to say I love you, when to call her my girlfriend, etc.

My university has free counseling but when I went there the woman just said "Be happy because you do well in school" and told me that I was too hung up over sex and dating. She didn't tell me to get over it per se but she did tell me to stop worrying. :/

I just wish somebody would ask me out. No girl has ever expressed interest in me since high school. Even then, she was 14 and I was 18 and I went away to college right after she told me she liked me.

I don't know what to do. I fucking don't. I get good grades in college but I don't know what I want to do after I graduate. It's so fucking overwhelming and some days I just want to drown myself in the ocean.
Click to expand...

I'm 25 and a virgin and it doesn't bug me anymore. Look man, it'll happen when it happens. It shouldn't be a huge monolith in your mind. Concentrate on increasing your social network, make more friends, go out more, and make "hunting for sex so you can lose your virginity cause douche manliness" the last thing on your mind. Try to make more friends first. Stop thinking about women and them getting fucked later. Just talk to them like people.

Your dad's a dick. But everything will be okay. You just should not stay stuck in that cruddy mindset.

At least, that's what I tell myself before crying myself to sleep just hoping for the warm embrace of a human woman that loves me for me.
 
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