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NeoGAF Anonymous Confessions 2014 - Confessember Be Upon Us - Under New Management

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NeOak

NeOak

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Thursday's the last day, yo.
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michael-scott-no.gif


Cumfessor has forsaken us :c
 
B

butzopower

proud of his butz
I always wanted to make a busting a nut too quick thread, but I'm worried I'll get banned or the thread'll get quickly locked.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
During one rainy afternoon when I was 8 or 9 years old, I was out with 2 friends and we got bored. While walking we arrive at a little restaurant in a small street and one of my friends finds a idea to entertain us. He propose that we all piss in a bottle and toss it in the restaurant. Being young and dumb we all agree to do it, so we toss the bottle full of piss and run as fast as we can. Fast forward to 30 minutes later after being lost we find ourselves in the same small street in front of the same restaurant and one of the employee grab us and bring us in the restaurant where the manager ask us why would we do that (I was thinking that someone sent us to do it) but no one said a thing, he also told us that someone was actually eating when we toss the bottle some piss got on his plate and they had to clean and refund the customer. After threatening to call the police several times the owner finally let us go whithout any kind of punishment, he must be a pretty great guy because being at his place I don't think I would have been this calm and kind. I still feel bad about it but I always laugh about how dumb that was, needless to say that I never did anything like that ever again.
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Wait, so you stood in the street with your two male friends and you all unzipped and pissed in a bottle together?
 
F

FeenieVonKarma

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
I present to you, the 35 Year Old Virgin:



68241-Congrats-on-the-Sex-cake-gif-KEpz.gif


Nah, but seriously, good stuff. You may have given Wizards hope.
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I can kinda relate to this, as I had a near-5 year relationship with someone who cheated on me behind my back until I had to find out myself (it's a LONG ass story and I suppose I could write it as a "confession", but it's really shitty - maybe I will if I remember). I felt the same in that it was like it flicked a switch where I wasn't interested in anything like that anymore (except the occasional porn to sate the need, lol) and I began to enjoy single life again.

The difference? I'm still there. And sorry but I can't really see the point of view that this guy "wasted" those years where he was single, that's horseshit. If you enjoyed the time it's not "wasted". For me, I've been able to spend more time with my family, get a stable job and am getting my mental health issues treated way better than before. I can also actually sleep (since my ex snored so much that I couldn't sleep some nights). Maybe something will happen later, but I just see the idea of a relationship as a huge hassle now.
Other than that I'm happy for you man, awesome that you're happy.

p.s. This fucking thread, man. This fucking thread. I'm nearly caught up on it, but it's really something. Good job, NTGYK.

edit: Also, wanna go on record & say I like Soulfucker, he's happy in his work!
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
My cousin came over on my 11th birthday. One of my presents was a trio of shiny pokemon cards (charizard, vileplume, and blastoise first runs) and my cousins snuck into my room and stole the cards while everyone was playing vidya. He later blamed his friend he had brought to the party stole them. The next year, he pushed me into a stinging nettle bush and laughed his head off about it. It took 4 hours for the pain to stop. The next year, fireworks in my pants.
All of this not to mention that he did something so terrible when I was 10 that if I ever see him again now that I'm bigger than he is, I might just snap and break his jaw.

Anyways, I keep an eye on him through the power of the internet, and report him to the cops every so often. He's now under consideration for life in prison due to repeat offenses.

And I haven't even reported all of his crimes yet, not even the worst one.

If he ever crosses me again, I will send him to jail for the rest of his life. The only reason I haven't yet is that his mother is extremely unstable and depressed, and I'm afraid she might end it if he goes to jail for life.

Does this make me a bad person?
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It doesn't make you a great person. Do the right thing and turn him in, not fucking hold onto it for blackmail and personal vindication.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Hiya GAF. I'm pedoconfessor from last thread (it's been a year already?!) with a "small" rambling status update. Well, it's not much of an update, really.

I checked out what therapy-resources are available and it seems therapy is covered and entirely affordable (socialist dystopia: +1, capitalist heaven: 0). And there are no mandatory reporting laws. So I told myself that as soon as the new year began, I'd be seeking therapy. Sort of like a New Year's resolution. And like every other New Year's resolution throughout the history of mankind, I broke it. (It was my first New Year's resolution, too!)

I wrote to one of those anonymous online therapy Q&A the state runs (socialist dystopia: +2) asking how to go about it; but when it came to calling and booking a time, I chickened out. I'm a pretty big coward, and I don't feel like I'm able to get past that step by myself, and I don't feel like there's anyone who could go with me for moral support. My only previous experience with therapy is when my parents forced me to take two sessions with the school therapist after I'd attempted suicide in elementary, for which I completely refused to talk after she said she would be reporting back to my parents if I said anything worrisome. (Well, I say "attempted" but it was actually climbing up a tall tower and then going "oh dear god this is tall, i'm scared of heights, how the hell did i think i'd dare to go through with this?" and promptly climbing back down again.)

I feel mostly fine, though. My desire to talk about it has subsided a bit. I'm not depressed; at the moment I have a clear direction in life. I'm not very social but I'm fine with that. It's just that thing nagging at the back of my head. I need to stay clear of threads about it on GAF. Whenever I read any thread like "Florida teacher sexes student" I start hating myself intensely. But those guys aren't me and never will be! Otherwise I don't feel that way. (Why do I keep reading those threads?)

TL;DR: Boring ramblings. Nothing's changed (because I didn't make it change).
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Maybe you should actually make a change instead of doing nothing about a problem that may fester.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
I have been pondering over whether or not to send this in. I'm paranoid that someone will recognize me, though I know that (hopefully?) isn't likely. I went and typed out a whole wall of text, but I couldn't do it and had to start over with something a bit smaller... and then start BACK over, removing almost everything. Sorry, wanters of juicy confessions :(

I was horribly abused in the past by my boyfriend, mentally and physically. I don't want to go too much into detail there. It was seven years ago and he got help and is a better person today. What I will say though, is something I want to get GAF's opinion on. I've considered making a thread, but I'm a big chicken. At first I was not like this, but after months of getting my head slammed onto the floor, hair pulled out, etc, I started to feel like I needed it. I almost want to say that I felt worse if it did not happen. Sure, I would come home from work terrified of my boyfriend, but it was almost helping me to be hurt. I haven't been abused like that in seven years, but even today I crave it. I have dreams about it. It's not like I ever enjoyed it while it was happening, but then I would start craving it. I don't know why this is, and it makes me feel so ashamed. I know I shouldn't be, right?
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You shouldn't be, but I think maybe you needed some help as much as your boyfriend did.

I've read some victims of domestic abuse crave it afterwards not cause they genuinely want to be hurt, but because to them, they see the violence as a sign of "affection", that the abuser cares enough to hurt them for whatever reason. It's kinda warped.

Get help, Confessor. You shouldn't be ashamed, but that's not something you should crave.
 
*Nightwing

*Nightwing

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
I have been pondering over whether or not to send this in. I'm paranoid that someone will recognize me, though I know that (hopefully?) isn't likely. I went and typed out a whole wall of text, but I couldn't do it and had to start over with something a bit smaller... and then start BACK over, removing almost everything. Sorry, wanters of juicy confessions :(

I was horribly abused in the past by my boyfriend, mentally and physically. I don't want to go too much into detail there. It was seven years ago and he got help and is a better person today. What I will say though, is something I want to get GAF's opinion on. I've considered making a thread, but I'm a big chicken. At first I was not like this, but after months of getting my head slammed onto the floor, hair pulled out, etc, I started to feel like I needed it. I almost want to say that I felt worse if it did not happen. Sure, I would come home from work terrified of my boyfriend, but it was almost helping me to be hurt. I haven't been abused like that in seven years, but even today I crave it. I have dreams about it. It's not like I ever enjoyed it while it was happening, but then I would start craving it. I don't know why this is, and it makes me feel so ashamed. I know I shouldn't be, right?
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Talking in generalizations here, but most of the time the abuser justifies their abuse by implying or outright stating they love the abused so much that they "loose control", when in most cases they view the abused as property, and subjectify the abused in many ways to control them.
Confessor: its not your fault at all, and dont be ashamed for feeling this way at all. It was an awful part of a relationship with someone that you had to have cared about, and believed them when they probably said they did it because they loved you. I sincerely hope you can now realize that no matter what he may have said, his actions of becoming physically abusive (and psychologically abusive most likely) have no excuse and no justification for his actions and it all contradicts his words. Get some help if these feeling persist so you dont end up in a similar situation, cause you deserve better no matter what.
 
C

CesspoolofHatred

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You shouldn't be, but I think maybe you needed some help as much as your boyfriend did.

I've read some victims of domestic abuse crave it afterwards not cause they genuinely want to be hurt, but because to them, they see the violence as a sign of "affection", that the abuser cares enough to hurt them for whatever reason. It's kinda warped.

Get help, Confessor. You shouldn't be ashamed, but that's not something you should crave.
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Not every confession has to be juicy, man. You can share as much or as little as you want, none of us really mind.
 
H

HGStormy

Banned
So I know confessions are ending soon, but if anyone with depression, suicidal thoughts, or something similar wants to share what they feel or seek advice, you can always visit this thread

I hope this thread doesn't get locked when confessions end :c
 
Rest

Rest

All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
I have been pondering over whether or not to send this in. I'm paranoid that someone will recognize me, though I know that (hopefully?) isn't likely. I went and typed out a whole wall of text, but I couldn't do it and had to start over with something a bit smaller... and then start BACK over, removing almost everything. Sorry, wanters of juicy confessions :(

I was horribly abused in the past by my boyfriend, mentally and physically. I don't want to go too much into detail there. It was seven years ago and he got help and is a better person today. What I will say though, is something I want to get GAF's opinion on. I've considered making a thread, but I'm a big chicken. At first I was not like this, but after months of getting my head slammed onto the floor, hair pulled out, etc, I started to feel like I needed it. I almost want to say that I felt worse if it did not happen. Sure, I would come home from work terrified of my boyfriend, but it was almost helping me to be hurt. I haven't been abused like that in seven years, but even today I crave it. I have dreams about it. It's not like I ever enjoyed it while it was happening, but then I would start craving it. I don't know why this is, and it makes me feel so ashamed. I know I shouldn't be, right?
Click to expand...

I would seek help about this. It sounds like your mind, in a state of trauma, used this reasoning to try and make sense of what was happening to you. Even though the rational part of you understood what was going on and you extricated yourself from the situation, the illusion still persists somewhere. You should find someone to guide you to find out why that is to see if there is some kind of therapy for it.
 
M

Masquerader

Member
HGStormy said:
So I know confessions are ending soon, but if anyone with depression, suicidal thoughts, or something similar wants to share what they feel or seek advice, you can always visit this thread

I hope this thread doesn't get locked when confessions end :c
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Can't not endorse this thread. Very useful. Although I wouldn't recommend it as an alternative to actual counselling and help, it's certainly a great place to get to know more about other people's experiences, and should be treated as a viable prelude to going and getting the help you need. So yeah, go to this thread if you are upset, and want to tell someone about it.
 
H

HGStormy

Banned
Masquerader said:
Can't not endorse this thread. Very useful. Although I wouldn't recommend it as an alternative to actual counselling and help, it's certainly a great place to get to know more about other people's experiences, and should be treated as a viable prelude to going and getting the help you need. So yeah, go to this thread if you are upset, and want to tell someone about it.
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Obviously a person should always seek professional help if it's needed, but it's a nice thread to help find help, vent, help others, etc.

Speaking of getting help, I got a call from my counselor today!

...That I promptly rejected because phone calls make me anxious
 
M

Masquerader

Member
HGStormy said:
Obviously a person should always seek professional help if it's needed, but it's a nice thread to help find help, vent, help others, etc.

Speaking of getting help, I got a call from my counselor today!

...That I promptly rejected because phone calls make me anxious
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... You did what? Eh, whatever. Phone calls are just voices. Interactive radios. Nothing to fear! But do try to remember that, in the heat of the moment, your rejections will have caused more harm than they do good, for you.

... But never fear, dear reader. Stormy has the option of mentioning his fear of phone calls to the Mental Health OT, which is a place of sanctity and reason, where he can start the road to getting over his discomfort of phone calls.

I mean it, Stormy~
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Something someone needs to get off his chest

The recent thread about parents regretting their kids made me need to get this off my chest. It's a bit of a boring confession, so do with it what you will:

I don't regret having my kids, but if I knew how hard it was going to be before we had them, I think it would have definitely affected my decision.

I think about this a lot. I imagine an alternate universe where we didn't have kids. My wife would've been working a lot more in past years, so we'd be more comfortable financially. We'd be looking for a new house in a location I'd much prefer then where we are looking now, as local schools and living space would not be factor in our decision. We might not even be living in the same city where we are, as I might've chased some interesting job prospects interstate or overseas, instead of staying where we are to stay close to family so the kids can enjoy a close relationship with their grandparents.

It's true that having children is not the sole reason for a lot of the above, but it's definitely a factor. Having kids changes your life greatly, far more than I could've ever anticipated.

I am also a person who values personal quiet time very highly. I don't miss going out all that much, but I miss solitude. I miss sleeping in. I miss weekends and evenings not almost completely devoted to activities and chores. I am aware that these are incredibly selfish reasons, but that doesn't stop me mourning the loss of peace and calm in my life.

The rub of it is that I love my kids. More than anything else in the world, and certainly more than I ever thought I could love anything. I do my absolute best to be a good parent, even though I often fail. These thoughts leave me feeling very conflicted. I wouldn't trade them for anything, but I definitely struggle with the day-to-day lifestyle of being a parent.

Parents love to get together and joke about how hard it is, and trade war stories etc. It's always good natured, with the implicit understanding that no one means any of it, and that parenting is the best thing that's ever happened to them. I feel completely alone in my feelings. My wife knows I struggle with it, and she tells me that everyone feels like this sometimes, but no one likes to admit it. That sounds plausible, but I don't know. It really does feel like everyone is having a much easier time of it than I am. I really do wonder sometimes if there is something wrong with me.

I apologise for my rambling, but I needed to get this off my chest.

To end on a slightly more positive note, there was interesting quote from the WSJ in the thread I mentioned, about how the costs of children are "front-loaded", and the benefits are "back-loaded". This is the thought that gets me through when I'm feeling down. Raising these kids is hard work, but it'll be worth the effort in the long run. I hope.

Thanks for your time.
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N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
TLDR:
So yah, TL;DR? I grew up dirt fucking poor, lived the American dream of rising up above my life and becoming a success story, just to walk away from it all and go back to being what I would have been anyways had I not even bothered. Because this is who I am, a backwoods redneck. And I am damn proud of that.
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So, my confession is pretty simple. But just to force you to read it all, I will post the TL;DR version at the bottom.

I was born into a poor family. Not poor as in we struggled to make ends meet, I am talking 4 room shack held together with bailing wire and hope poor. Seriously, my house growing up was a shack with 4 rooms, none of them being much bigger than a decent walk in closet. You know that stupid picture that people like to laugh about that says 97% of poor people have a fridge? I don't find it funny, because we didn't. Electricity was a luxury that we rarely had the money to use a lot of. In the summer, we kept our food cold by using a dirt cellar that was dug underneath the floor of the kitchen. In the winter, we didn't keep much around that could freeze obviously. For heat, we had a wood stove. An honest to god, cast iron wood stove with the classic chimney out of the roof. My mom and dad had one bedroom, my brother sister and I shared another bedroom. It was all we could afford. Yes, lots of people in the US still live like this. You just never hear about them, because they prefer to be left alone.

My dad worked as a local do it yourself mechanic. He had a toolbox, lot of hands on experience, and a knack for it. He normally worked for cash, but would often work for other things we needed. Sometimes it was clothes, sometimes it was household items. My mom spent most of the summer working our garden. Almost all the food we ate we gathered ourselves, so a large garden was a requirement. Like most people in the area, it was on public lands behind out little shack. Everyone did it like that, placing gardens in the woods and raising livestock in the same way. The local authorities knew trying to stop it was pointless, so they never bothered. My sister often helped her with that, or gathered various wild flowers and other plants for use in home brew medicines. My bother and I did our part by spending most of the summer hunting, fishing, and trapping everything we could to gather meat for the year. We would often use the skins to make our clothes for the winter, and what we didn't need we traded or sold for other things we needed. We were essentially subsistence farming, with every day being spent preparing for winter.

With that being said, we did go to school. My mom made sure every day that we went. Education was important, even though nobody in the area ever really did much with it. Most everyone dropped out by 16 to help out with the daily farming jobs to make sure everyone could still eat. I didn't though, I stayed in all through 12 grade, one of the few in my area to do so. One of my teachers realized that I had a bit more brainpower than the other kids, so she encouraged me to keep going. Which is what I did. I eventually graduated, with a high enough GPA to earn myself a scholarship to continue my education.

So, off to college I went. I had already lined up a job to help pay my way before I left, so I knew that would be an issue. What I did discover was a problem, however, were the other students. Here I was, an honest to god country bumpkin from the back woods going to some big fancy school. I knew I stood out like a sore thumb at first, what with my mostly patched together clothes and thick accent. Some people even went so far as to ask me why I even bothered, why I didn't stay where I belonged in the woods. That, of course, only egged me into doing everything I could to prove them wrong to shut them up. Which it did, along with a few healthy beatings to the ones who went to far (We country kids were raised touch as nails, and not to take shit from nobody about our upbringing). I eventually graduated from college, with fancy degree and a job already lined up! (I wont get into details, they aren't important.)

I went on to work my job. First person in my family to ever graduate from college, and actually get out of the barely surviving lifestyle we had grown up in. But after a few years, I noticed a few things. I wasn't comfortable with where I was. All the noise, the people, the smells. I had trouble with relationships, as women would shy away from me when I would explain my history. I still stood out like crazy, as I would still wear a lot of clothes that were obviously patched several times. I couldn't stand processed foods, so I wound up doing a lot of hunting and fishing, along with doing farmers markets for all my food. But the worst part was my job. Being stuck in a cubicle, 8 hours a day was like a living hell for me. And I couldn't stand it.

So one day, I cracked. I simply stood up, walked out of my job, hopped into my truck with the few belongings that actually mattered to me, and went home. I used the money I had saved up to buy a small piece of land, and drop a small trailer home onto it. I got a job with the local municipality doing maintenance work on the county buildings in the summer and snow clearing in the winter. I had my first real meaningful relationship, which is now going on 5 years and two kids. For the first time since before I had left home, I was actually happy. I still gather all my own food, fix my own truck, save what little money I can in a tin can in the old china hutch. I am back to where I was always meant to be, a backwards country bumpkin just working to get by and enjoying life how I was always meant to enjoy it.

As for that college degree I worked so hard for? I used it one day as kindling for a fire at my parents place.

So yah, TL;DR? I grew up dirt fucking poor, lived the American dream of rising up above my life and becoming a success story, just to walk away from it all and go back to being what I would have been anyways had I not even bothered. Because this is who I am, a backwoods redneck. And I am damn proud of that.
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Congrats, buddy. As long as you're happy and healthy and got the love of your family.
 
P

Psychotext

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Something someone needs to get off his chest
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I've experienced this from the other angle. Grass isn't greener.

(Oh, and you're not alone on the depression about what could have been and the loss of freedom. I know a ton of parents like that... they only really discuss it with me because I'm the one that's never going to have kids.)
 
S

ShinRPGamer

Member
I have a confession: I call myself an anime fan but I have not yet watched Cowboy Bebop and have only seen 2 Studio Ghibli films years ago: Princess Mononoke and My Neighbour Totoro.
 
C

CesspoolofHatred

Member
ShinRPGamer said:
I have a confession: I call myself an anime fan but I have not yet watched Cowboy Bebop and have only seen 2 Studio Ghibli films years ago: Princess Mononoke and My Neighbour Totoro.
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How dare you.

I haven't seen any of those either. The only Ghibli films I've seen are Spirited Away and Grave of the Fireflies.
 
V

Valhelm

contribute something
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Maybe you should actually make a change instead of doing nothing about a problem that may fester.
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It's important that he's actually thinking about this and realizes he ought to get help. Going to a therapist is probably pretty terrifying, especially if you have a secret like that. He just needs to try again.
 
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