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[GrizzNKev]

Cool, I guess it's time to do mine. I love attention but it's not worthy of an entire thread.

I have extremely intense social anxiety issues associated with disappointment, falling below expectations, or failing to manage my responsibilities, to the point where it has severely damaged my life and is probably about to do again. I failed out of college during my first year because I wasn't doing well in some classes and instead of trying to improve I just decided to stop going so I wouldn't have to face how poorly I was doing. I stayed in my room, started staying up all night and eating poorly, stopped talking to people completely, and let my life fall apart. I got kicked out, went home, and let my family hate me for the summer. I let everyone down and destroyed the future my parents had planned for me. I found a second chance in another school that I was more interested in attending to chase my dream of making games, and accepted the financial trouble it would put me in. I moved across the country, left behind my girlfriend, all my friends, and my family, just so I could possibly get a degree to not disappoint my parents. I've been here for two and a half years now but my struggle still comes back from time to time. I failed a couple classes simply because I missed a homework or two and felt too ashamed to actually show up anymore and accept that I had been irresponsible. I almost failed in my first year yet again, but managed to work my way out of it and was doing reasonably well until now. I've missed a few assignments again due to poor time management, and I can't bring myself to even go outside aside from when I'm hungry enough to get food. I don't show up to any of my classes, which I'm sure I'm going to fail now, I don't go online anywhere people I know from school can see me, and I don't answer texts or facebook messages. I lie to everyone back at home that everything is fine and I'm probably going to fall apart again. I've completely given up and I don't have to courage to face it or do anything about it. I post here on GAF and tweet and shit pretending I've got it together but I'm a fucking wreck, I'm eating shitty and stopped caring about myself and I really just want to disappear now.

 

[HGStormy]

That's sad

 

[John Kowalski]

Well thanks for editing my post into meaninglessness.

GrizzNKev i know i've been a bit mean to you sometimes but i'm sorry for that. I know how you feel and have always lived under similar restraints. I actually quit college without even setting one foot in a class because i couldn't handle the stress of having to travel to a new city and having to meet new people. I hope you find strength in yourself to enjoy life even if just a little more. Hang in there buddy.

 

[Surface of Me]

Cool, I guess it's time to do mine. I love attention but it's not worthy of an entire thread.

I have extremely intense social anxiety issues associated with disappointment, falling below expectations, or failing to manage my responsibilities, to the point where it has severely damaged my life and is probably about to do again. I failed out of college during my first year because I wasn't doing well in some classes and instead of trying to improve I just decided to stop going so I wouldn't have to face how poorly I was doing. I stayed in my room, started staying up all night and eating poorly, stopped talking to people completely, and let my life fall apart. I got kicked out, went home, and let my family hate me for the summer. I let everyone down and destroyed the future my parents had planned for me. I found a second chance in another school that I was more interested in attending to chase my dream of making games, and accepted the financial trouble it would put me in. I moved across the country, left behind my girlfriend, all my friends, and my family, just so I could possibly get a degree to not disappoint my parents. I've been here for two and a half years now but my struggle still comes back from time to time. I failed a couple classes simply because I missed a homework or two and felt too ashamed to actually show up anymore and accept that I had been irresponsible. I almost failed in my first year yet again, but managed to work my way out of it and was doing reasonably well until now. I've missed a few assignments again due to poor time management, and I can't bring myself to even go outside aside from when I'm hungry enough to get food. I don't show up to any of my classes, which I'm sure I'm going to fail now, I don't go online anywhere people I know from school can see me, and I don't answer texts or facebook messages. I lie to everyone back at home that everything is fine and I'm probably going to fall apart again. I've completely given up and I don't have to courage to face it or do anything about it. I post here on GAF and tweet and shit pretending I've got it together but I'm a fucking wreck, I'm eating shitty and stopped caring about myself and I really just want to disappear now.

 

[Curiocity]

Redneck bumpkin: what interests landed you on GAF turf then? And by the way i think your story is extremely cool.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Cool, I guess it's time to do mine. I love attention but it's not worthy of an entire thread.

I have extremely intense social anxiety issues associated with disappointment, falling below expectations, or failing to manage my responsibilities, to the point where it has severely damaged my life and is probably about to do again. I failed out of college during my first year because I wasn't doing well in some classes and instead of trying to improve I just decided to stop going so I wouldn't have to face how poorly I was doing. I stayed in my room, started staying up all night and eating poorly, stopped talking to people completely, and let my life fall apart. I got kicked out, went home, and let my family hate me for the summer. I let everyone down and destroyed the future my parents had planned for me. I found a second chance in another school that I was more interested in attending to chase my dream of making games, and accepted the financial trouble it would put me in. I moved across the country, left behind my girlfriend, all my friends, and my family, just so I could possibly get a degree to not disappoint my parents. I've been here for two and a half years now but my struggle still comes back from time to time. I failed a couple classes simply because I missed a homework or two and felt too ashamed to actually show up anymore and accept that I had been irresponsible. I almost failed in my first year yet again, but managed to work my way out of it and was doing reasonably well until now. I've missed a few assignments again due to poor time management, and I can't bring myself to even go outside aside from when I'm hungry enough to get food. I don't show up to any of my classes, which I'm sure I'm going to fail now, I don't go online anywhere people I know from school can see me, and I don't answer texts or facebook messages. I lie to everyone back at home that everything is fine and I'm probably going to fall apart again. I've completely given up and I don't have to courage to face it or do anything about it. I post here on GAF and tweet and shit pretending I've got it together but I'm a fucking wreck, I'm eating shitty and stopped caring about myself and I really just want to disappear now.

Get yourself on a schedule and practice some actual time management. That's obvious advice to give, but really, that's the only thing I think I can say that will help you.

 

[GrizzNKev]

Well thanks for editing my post into meaninlessness.

GrizzNKev i know i've been a bit mean to you sometimes but i'm sorry for that. I know how you feel and have always lived under similar restraints. I actually quit college without even setting one foot in a class because i couldn't handle the stress of having to travel to a new city and having to meet new people. I hope you find strength in yourself to enjoy life even if just a little more. Hang in there buddy.

It's all good, man. I always considered it a playful jest, nothing more. I have pretty solid relationships with the friends I've made through silly posts such as yours. No offense taken, hopefully the same applies from me to you.

Get yourself on a schedule and practice some actual time management. That's obvious advice to give, but really, that's the only thing I think I can say that will help you.

The thing is, I was doing fine for a while. Just in the last couple of weeks it all deteriorated, then one week ago I completely gave up. It's not that I can't manage my time, I just hit this point where I get depressed and stop caring, start staying up late, then sleeping for 12 hour stretches multiple times a week, then stop talking to people.

 

[butzopower]

The thing is, I was doing fine for a while. Just in the last couple of weeks it all deteriorated, then one week ago I completely gave up. It's not that I can't manage my time, I just hit this point where I get depressed and stop caring, start staying up late, then sleeping for 12 hour stretches multiple times a week, then stop talking to people.

Not saying you feel this way, but don't feel like you are a bad person for feeling how you do. It sounds like your chemicals are dealing you some bad times. Most schools have someone whose job it is to get you in contact with someone who is good at helping people work with this shit, you can send them a really quick email asking for information, and act on that as you will.

Either way, know that you are not alone in how you feel, and good luck.

 

[NeOak]

Spoiler

May be less than 24h

 

[Psychotext]

How so? The pressure to have kids from family, or the regret of not having children?

Both really, though thankfully the pressure hasn't really been a major issue.

 

[JoeNut]

Excited for the last day, how terribly sad!

might have to send one in too lol

 

[Deleted member 102362]

Somehow, this is inspiring.

As for that college degree I worked so hard for? I used it one day as kindling for a fire at my parents place.

Yes, very.

 

[grumble]

TLDR:



Congrats, buddy. As long as you're happy and healthy and got the love of your family.

What concerns me about the story is this:

If anything goes wrong (house burns down, wife gets sick, op gets sick, op gets old etc) then the op is in trouble. What generating this income does is provide a margin of safety against misfortune. I like the story though, adit reminds us that there are many ways to live and be happy. It also reminds me that people can feel very uncomfortable in a environment we may like.

 

[PaulExcellent]

Welp, I don't feel like making it private.

So it's been like my third month in college. I've learned a lot and made a few mistakes, but I'll fix them next semester without a doubt. (Mostly procrastinating and not going to the gym.)
The thing is, I've been doing these things because I'm lonely as fuck. My roommates are always doing their own thing, I'm not good at socializing, and it just feels terrible to leave my room without anything to do. There are days where I wake up and just stare at the walls for a while.
I've been working on some art pieces and a game lately, but I guess I crave some social interaction. Hell, I'm even looking forward to going back home this December after leaving that hell-hole with a smile on my face not that long ago. It sucks and I hate it.
I guess I just want someone to talk to or something. :/

 

[Hatchtag]

Welp, I don't feel like making it private.

So it's been like my third month in college. I've learned a lot and made a few mistakes, but I'll fix them next semester without a doubt. (Mostly procrastinating and not going to the gym.)
The thing is, I've been doing these things because I'm lonely as fuck. My roommates are always doing their own thing, I'm not good at socializing, and it just feels terrible to leave my room without anything to do. There are days where I wake up and just stare at the walls for a while.
I've been working on some art pieces and a game lately, but I guess I crave some social interaction. Hell, I'm even looking forward to going back home this December after leaving that hell-hole with a smile on my face not that long ago. It sucks and I hate it.
I guess I just want someone to talk to or something. :/

Dude I'm in the same boat as you. I live in an oncampus apartment almost half a mile away from the rest of the dorms. Its boring and lonely as fuck. My 5 roommates and the rest of the complex tend to keep to themselves. I dont think anyone here is really very happy with where they are. I've just decided to return home and go back to community college. I go home about every weekend as it is, and I just have so much more fun back home.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Good evening. I have another confession, and I'm under no doubt that, while not harmful, depraved, or full of bizarre lust, is nonetheless weird.

During class today, I had something of an existential crisis. I realised that, well, I laugh a lot. Perhaps too much. The tutor told me to shut up and stop laughing, and instead of doing what people normally do (shut up and get over it) I went a bit far and decided to contemplate what shutting up actually meant. Up until that point 2 days ago, I had no idea about it, but I realised that the main problem with me is this: I'm probably about 4-5 years younger than I am (mentally speaking) in some areas.

During Elementary school, I got bullied a lot, and it affected me way more than I thought. Instead of learning from my mistakes and keeping my head down, I started to make jokes all the time and laugh a lot so I could cope with it without crying. I know, stupid. But I didn't realise that this wasn't the way to go, and for roughly 4-5 years of my life, my mentality NEVER changed, until it started to progress where it left off. I didn't understand why everyone seemed to hate me, but after far too long, I realised that it was because I wouldn't shut the fuck up (i still have that problem now, but to a far less degree). I was that annoying kid in class who wouldn't stop making jokes, and surprise suprise... I was fucking miserable. Years later, I realised that I actually felt suicidal. In Elementary school. Not fun.

And, come middle school, while everyone else seemed to have bitter faces, gutteral throats, and hideous visages, I was there all happy and giggling and fresh-faced. But I wasn't really fresh-minded. I was way behind everyone else in everything we all done in all our subjects (save for writing), and I continue to lag behind in everything to this day, even in college.

Now I'm aware that it was mainly my fault. But when your parents don't give a shit, well, you struggle. Hard. It's very difficult for me to do basic tasks that others do fine and well. I just wish that I could be 5 years older, because that would put me on the level of everyone else.

Anyway, I came to this realisation that, for all 19 years of me, I'm like a 14 year-old. And completely fucking worthless in turn. My confession is that I hate myself so much, yet don't want to harm myself or anything. I just want to be better, but I want to hate myself so much more, and I just don't know what to do to salvage five whole fucking years of my life. In case you didn't realise, the fact that I'm telling you this under the assurance of it being anonymous tells it all. I want to salvage five missing years of experience, all while being utterly terrified to admit anything, and all while being completely filled with self-loathing. Hell, I actually hate this confession of mine and I want it to be better, but I don't know how. I don't hate it for what it is, I hate it for who wrote it, and why it's so immature-sounding. Ugh.

Well, thanks anyway...

I take it as a sign of maturity that you're reaching out for some kind of help and that you're admitting that you need help. That's not immature at all.

For what it's worth, I laugh like a hyena and every fucking hates it.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Update from Woman trapped in a Man:

1) You got a shitty therapist.

Yes, he is. Eventhough he says he specialises in transsexualism, he somehow can't believe that I feel the way I feel. But I left him now and am in search of new therapist. But it's kind of difficult since there a not many around and one of the two I contacted is booked out for the next 6-8 Months.
Hopefully I will find a professional who can help me.

I also found a selfhelp group, but I don't know if I have the guts to go there...yet.

2) The more you repress yourself, the more miserable you'll be.

I know that, since I have been repressing my feelings for more than 2 decades. But I can't really any longer.
My female, my true self can't be hidden any longer, but...

"You are stuck in a pretty bad situation. Maybe you should just make the public plunge, but doing so, you can't really ever go back. Could your family accept it? Is their acceptance important to you?"

No, most of them would not accept it. Some might. But if I decide to come out and become who I'm ment to be, I will loose everything I have in my life. Carreer, friends and most of my family. I would have to start over completly new and that is somehow a scary thought. I like my job and my friends and family apart from some small issues are good people. They are just narrow minded.


It'd be nice if you could find a partner like another Confessor in the thread who accepts and encourages all the cross-dressing and stuff, but I think your desires are different from that dude.

It would be nice to find a partner who understands my plight (correct term?). Or friends and companions who will help me to find a way that I can cope with.


Hm, this is a toughie, to put it lightly.

Yes it is. I don't know where I will be and where I will go. I'm just so, so torn and sometimes, during the darkest nights I even contempleted, if I should just end everything....but that is not something that is in my nature, because that would feel like giving up and that is not really an option.

Maybe there is someone here on GAF who is has gone through similar problems. I know there is a thread, but I don't want to post in there with my GAF account.

So I don't know hoe to contact them or they me.

Best regrads and thank you so much for this thread. It was entertaining on one hand and very freeing for me to get this stuff of my chest. Would be happy if you would continued.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

So I have a few probably quite mundane things but here we go
When I was in high school I had a girl on Web Cam (MSN) who liked me, she was doing stuff to herself but she was fat and ugly so I pretended I was watching and chatted to another girl instead, then she told everyone at school it happened and I flat out lied and said it never happened. Somehow people believed me and I got away with it. God she was ugly.

I shat myself at work when I was 19 after going to hospital and having to drink loads of this yellow liquid for a scan. I got away with that because I was working nights and it was quiet lol.

I still think about the girl I was in love with at high school. She's the one that got away and even though I'm really happy now, I still wonder what would have happened . I even set her up with my friend to prove to myself I was over it, but I guess there's no harm in being curious.

I get so angry about my dad leaving me when I was young, but I'm too "macho" to tell anyone how I feel, so I just bottle it up and then feel shit about it inside.

When I was about 8 I was having a piss and a big Green blob came out. I have no idea what it was and I have never had it again since, but it freaked me out.

I have a fetish for Asian girls but don't think I have ever even spoken to one irl. My gf is white and knows about it, she doesn't mind though

I feel like I am some how fooling everyone into thinking I'm good enough. Outside I'm really confident but underneath I worry about if I can live up to stuff. I get so nervous sometimes it takes over me, I was sick on the way to work on my first day, thankfully that doesn't happen often.

I think I am addicted to masturbating, any chance when my gf is away I'll sneak one in. Then we won't have sex and I feel like I'm letting her down. But I can't stop, and would never dare tell anyone.

TLDR I'm nowhere near as odd as most of the other confessors, which makes me feel better lol.

What a charming life you've led

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

I take it as a sign of maturity that you're reaching out for some kind of help and that you're admitting that you need help. That's not immature at all.

For what it's worth, I laugh like a hyena and every fucking hates it.

I'm more of the silent laughter type.

Update from Woman trapped in a Man:

If NotTheGuyYouKill is up for it, maybe you can keep using him as an anonymous medium in that thread. Or hell, ask a mod, I remember in the male rape topic that besada let people PM him their experiences, and he used pretty much the same format as this topic.

....Speaking of PMs, check yours NotTheGuyYouKill.

 

[TheOGB]

I take it as a sign of maturity that you're reaching out for some kind of help and that you're admitting that you need help. That's not immature at all.

For what it's worth, I laugh like a hyena and every fucking hates it.

Goddamn, I see myself in a lot of this.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Y'all have like 8 hours cause I'm hitting bed at like 10ish.

Looks like we have a load of Soulfucker coming on through at the moment, lol. He really likes to talk!

 

[Amalthea]

Update from Woman trapped in a Man:

Maybe she has already seen this but I'll just leave this here, just in case:
http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=388670

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Y'all have like 8 hours cause I'm hitting bed at like 10ish.

Looks like we have a load of Soulfucker coming on through at the moment, lol. He really likes to talk!

He must've wanted to push a bunch of things through at the last minute or something.

 

[Mike M]

Maybe she has already seen this but I'll just leave this here, just in case:
http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=388670

Well, she already said she doesn't want to post with her GAF account, but maybe she could PM some people in the TransGAF thread? Create an alt account (Against the rules, technically, but in that situation if I had a valid e-mail, I would in a heartbeat.)?

I dunno, they clearly need support beyond what's available locally, it would seem. What a terrible situation.

 

[ShinRPGamer]

Y'all have like 8 hours cause I'm hitting bed at like 10ish.

Looks like we have a load of Soulfucker coming on through at the moment, lol. He really likes to talk!

More Soulfucker you say?

 

[Orbis Tabula]

Y'all have like 8 hours cause I'm hitting bed at like 10ish.

Looks like we have a load of Soulfucker coming on through at the moment, lol. He really likes to talk!

How many confessions do you still have left in the inbox?

 

[Rest]

Y'all have like 8 hours cause I'm hitting bed at like 10ish.

Looks like we have a load of Soulfucker coming on through at the moment, lol. He really likes to talk!

C'mon NTGYK, post any that come in between 10 and midnight tomorrow.

 

[Gabotron ES]

I stole a Yu-Gi-Oh deck from Toys R Us when I was like 12, no regrets.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

C'mon NTGYK, post any that come in between 10 and midnight tomorrow.

Fiiiiiiiiine, midnight, PST is the cut-off. Anything afterwards isn't getting posted till next time. Anything between 10 and 12 will be up tomorrow morning.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Fiiiiiiiiine, midnight, PST is the cut-off. Anything afterwards isn't getting posted till next time. Anything between 10 and 12 will be up tomorrow morning.

Yahoo~

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

This one has a twist near the end. It's long. It's somewhat sexually graphic. Adult language, I guess. Most people I have told don't believe this story but I assure you that to the best of my knowledge it is 100% true.

I've played organized sports most of my life. My first semester of college I was on a team that traveled around the upper Midwest and this happened somewhere in Wisconsin. Basically my team and I were all staying at a hotel together for a weekend, 35-40 guys packed into nine or ten rooms. Everyone was stuck four guys to a room, two guys to a bed.

Anyway, we're all eating dinner together at the restaurant in the hotel in a private room. The door was open and across from the private room is the bar, where there were a few pretty ladies sitting together. We're all checking them out through the doors but nothing came of it until the end of the meal. Waitress comes in and starts giving out checks and goes to the captain of the team/President of the club and gives him an extra one - with the phone number of one of the girls from the bar.

Three guys from the team end up talking to her but she leaves without anything happening. I go to my room with a buddy and we sit down with a few beers to watch a hockey game. Most of the rest of this story was figured out and pieced together the next morning. Most of the other guys on the team are drinking/smoking/partying together like they do. Fast forward about two hours later and the girl gets dropped off at our hotel, calls up one of the guys on the team and comes up. Immediately starts getting hammered. Antics and partying and dancing and teasing happen.

Buddy and I go check up on everyone around 11 or 12 at night to make sure everyone is getting to bed at a decent time because we have a game at noon the next day. This was when we found out we even had a guest in our rooms and she's practically holding down one of the guys on the team trying to fuck him, he was having none of it and was trying to push her off. 10 other guys on the team were laughing their asses off. We leave them to it and head to bed ourselves.

The next morning I'm piecing everything together over the continental breakfast as hungover teammates are showing up to eat muffins together. This is what happened that night:

So the oldest guy on the team, a super super senior, ended up trying to bang this chick. But she was apparently too tight and he couldn't get it in. So she ended up going down on him while the three other guys that were staying in the room were pounding on the door trying to get to bed. She finishes the older guy off, the door opens, and she decides to blow another guy in the bathroom. Third guy has a gf and didn't want none of it and wanted to go to bed, she wanted his D, and they got in a fight with her eventually settling to just give him a naked back massage. Fourth guy in the room wanted to bang this chick, but she didn't want any of his. So he called her a cab and walked her out. He later claimed he banged her in the laundry room down the hall, but he is a guy who makes up a lot of stories so none of us really believed him.

Anyway, as we are all talking about this the next morning, some things start coming out that start making us (really me) a little nervous.

• First: she showed up in a cab and left in a cab. Not very common in the area we were in.
• Second: she was acting way more drunk than she really was. You know that friend who has two drinks and starts acting like he is completely hammered? That was her for the majority of the night.
• Third: Once she got to that third or fourth drink, she was gone. Super lightweight.
• Fourth: She claimed to go to the U of Wisconsin(Badgers), but when pressed she gave odd answers. Q: What dorm do you stay in? A: "The big one" Q: Do you know (random person)? A: "Oh totally!" Q: You ever been to this totally made up frat? A: "That's my favorite one!"
• Fifth: She was drunk, clearly horny, and attracted to several of the guys on the team but none of them could actually get it in?

Very strange indeed.

Next day we are playing in the game and I end up seeing her watching from the sidelines. I point it out to the team and everyone starts freaking out. None of them remember inviting her to the game or telling her where it was. Somehow she found it. She forced her phone number on one of the guys on our team and ended up leaving with a friend who definitely looked pretty young.

That, plus the clues from the night before, led me to believe she might have been underage, or at least not 21. I brought this up to my buddy and the club president and the former didn't want to talk about it, the latter shrugged it off and said when she showed up he checked her ID and he said she was 18.

I always thought this was just a funny story until earlier this week we had a cop come into one of my classes and give a lecture on sexual assault. It made me think back to this and now I wonder if I should do anything about this? If I suspect (contrary to the word of a guy who checked her ID) that she might have been underage, am I required to report something that may or may not have happened? For all I know the four guys in the room could have conspired together to make a good story. Nobody else actually saw anything happen in that room. And quite frankly I have no idea what her name was or even what town we were in when it happened so I don't know if I can even do anything.

Am I wrong?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I'm addicted to google-stalking people I know.

I tell myself it's to protect myself from potential crazies (god knows I've had too many of them in my life) but it's a big ego boost being able to piece together all this info about people. In some cases, it's let to some interesting things.

Case in point. Recently, I met a new friend through a Facebook group and decided to dig up info on him. I ended up finding out that he and his wife were swingers and me and my wife totally used it to our advantage. We've become really close friends and yes, had many hookups in the three months we've known them.

On a side note, he recently confessed to my wife that he's really into eating creampies. From my google stalking, I also know he's into pegging. He's straight, but now I'm wondering if he's just fooling himself. I'm straight as well, and while I have no interest in male and on male contact, I have no problem if he wants to eat my cum out of his wife's vagina.

That being said, I think I wouldn't mind if his wife tried pegging with me too.

I google stalk a girl that I was in love with in high school, but her life is so much better than mine and it makes me depressed so I just stare off into the distance as Radioactive by Imagine Dragons plays in the background.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

don't remember how old I was but I think maybe 11. I was hanging out with a friend of my younger brother's (a year younger than me), but my brother wasn't with us. So we were strolling around being bored when we happened across two boys at a playground outside the preschool (it was a weekend, though, so no one was there... well, except them, obviously). They must have been about 7 years old and my friend starts talking to them, like "hey, whatcha doing?", so they show us their pee bucket. ... That is a plastic bucket that they've both urinated in... for whatever reason. They're quite proud of it, too.

So my friend (naturally) thinks it would be oh so funny to snatch the bucket and run away with it. Off he goes and the kids chase after him yelling "give us back our pee bucket!", as he's taunting them "you can't catch me!". My friend hands me the bucket and I, feeling pretty awkward about this, go up the slide (well, not just slide, like on of thesehttp://www.karlshamn.se/Global/Karl...r/Hagvägens lekplats 12 november 2012 (2).jpg) and while a kid runs up to catch me I lean over the railing to hand it back to my friend. The other boy is there right next to him but it's not a problem since my friend is so much taller.

... except the bucket slips out of my hand and I drop it. All of the pee pours right onto the little kid. He's soaked in pee. Everyone freezes for a moment and then he immediately starts crying. Me and my friend flee the scene. I don't know the names of either of the kids and haven't met them again.

TL;DR: I poured a bucket of urine on a little kid.

Look, if you're walking around with a bucket of piss in a public place, you're pretty much asking for it.

 

[Valhelm]

What a charming life you've led

I don't understand how anybody living in North America could have never spoken to an Asian woman before.

 

[Psychotext]

On a side note, he recently confessed to my wife that he's really into eating creampies. From my google stalking, I also know he's into pegging. He's straight, but now I'm wondering if he's just fooling himself. I'm straight as well, and while I have no interest in male and on male contact, I have no problem if he wants to eat my cum out of his wife's vagina.

Ehh... I don't think you have to be gay to be into pegging. The creampie thing is a little more borderline, but some people are just twisted.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

I google stalk a girl that I was in love with in high school, but her life is so much better than mine and it makes me depressed so I just stare off into the distance as Radioactive by Imagine Dragons plays in the background.

NotTheGuyYouKill, would this happen to be the same girl that made you realize you were a literary cliche?

Also, holy fuck at that possible hearing of a statutory rape confession.

Never run around with open containers of liquid, kids. Especially not jarate. I think that's twice so far that we've had a piss-related confession.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

NotTheGuyYouKill, would this happen to be the same girl that made you realize you were a literary cliche?

Also, holy fuck at that possible hearing of a statutory rape confession.

Never run around with open containers of liquid, kids. Especially not jarate. I think that's twice so far that we've had a piss-related confession.

Yes.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Soulfucker is back for a final go-around:

Sorastitch: Well, my luck, for one. My luck's all up. I've always been curious why "my luck's up" and "my luck's down" essentially meant the same thing. Just one of the oddities of the English language, I guess.

John Kowalski: That is also up, yes. I've also wondered what soul-jizz would look like. When I did soulfucking stuff, it was usually whatever color their soul was (i.e. blue, red, purple), but practically I'd imagine it looks like Ecto-Cooler. Kind of disgusting to think about it now.

Stormtrooper: I might be able to arrange something. I'd need to change all the names though, which names would sound good to you?

NeOak: Hey that's fine, man. My shit's way out there, I can understand if someone finds it unfun or a slog to read through, because it's basically me trying to convey my memories in a way that doesn't directly lead someone to my RPing grounds.

gaiages: Of course I noticed you, you're just that adorable~ :3

Fiction: Multiverse, eh? Sounds vaguely like the timeline phase we went through. Searching VtM on google says something about "Vampire: The Masquerade", and I'm not too familiar with that, nor am I familiar with most RP rulesets except for "no godmodding" and such. The ones I'm a part of don't have that much structure, and they usually run on the internal rules of that universe, as well as the established canon beforehand, so it's basically just all writing, not much dice rolls (although that has happened once or twice, and I use random.org in those cases).

I know exactly what you mean with "writing good storylines", that's what I'm trying to do lately, write good storylines and good characters. It's pretty fun, though sometimes in a freeform writing environment it's hard as hell to maintain storylines and arcs without feeling like you're railroading everyone.

just throwing this in here

Evilisk: Yeah, they're pretty alright. They probably know more about who I am than anyone else.

And hahaha, wow, it's really funny that you mention rule 63. We totally had a timeline where the basic concept was nothing but "everyone is genderswapped", so rule 63 was in full effect there. If I wanted to do that sort of selfcest I totally could have done it. Man, now I'm sad that I didn't make it happen.

(I'm so sorry for filling up your inbox like this NotTheGuyYouKill)

FeenieVonKarma: I do have a lot of fun with the RPing stuff.

I do sometimes encounter friction with my RPing partners, though. Sometimes over dumb stuff I do (which is becoming somewhat rarer), but also because I'm more than a bit clingy whenever I see they're online and a few hours have gone by without a response because I'm always waiting and I don't have much of a social life otherwise. A few times I think I even went full "plz respond" on them. It's still something I'm struggling to keep under control, though I think I'm getting better on both that and the social life thing.

Other than that, yeah, it's been a blast. Confessing all this has been great, too. Although, another confession, absolutely none of them know I've been saying any of this, and I'm debating whether or not to tell them I did this. One of them will probably be hella pissed I talked about the cybering stuff.

Might send in a confession or two next year as well.

"A confession or two."

Soulfucker VII: The Plastic Strikes Back

So, this new reality shift was kind of a big change. To the point where we had to change a lot of established backstory to several characters, because of the much heavier sci-fi focus, but today I'm gonna focus on some of the characters who were affected by the shift from plastic magic to plastic nanomachines. I'll demonstrate this by comparing their old backstories with their new backstories. Some of this wasn't all my writing - in fact, most of it was a collaborative effort with Plasti-Guy - but I'm putting them all here so you guys can see what tweaks we made and how that affected the characters.

First off, the plastic Arceus, who is Plasti-Guy's character. Both magic!Arceus and nanomachine!Arceus started life as a flesh and blood human being, both were transformed into a 7 or so foot plastic Arceus at the age of 14, and both considered themselves god-like beings at one point. The manner of their transformation is where they diverge. In the old canon, Archie (human!Arceus) was living with his father Toyman (false name obviously, this character is one of mine), who had been broken and beaten down by malevolent demons into creating the Soul-Orb with ritualistic sacrifice. Archie was led to the Soul-Orb by one of the demons, and seduced by its power and glory, and it made him into a large Arceus and pretty much made him a power-hungry maniac and he threw his dad inside the Soul-Orb and yeah.

Most recent canon, however, that's different. New canon, Toyman was not tortured into making a plastic soul-orb thing. Instead, he worked for a nanotech company that manufactured plastic objects, and he was enjoying his job far too much, bringing home products made in the labs to "test them out" when really he just wanted plastic everywhere. And this angered young Archie, for he felt that his father cared more for plastic than he did for him. So, young, angry Archie broke into one of the company's testing areas, with no real plan of what to do, and was caught right in the middle of routine testing, his body being painfully blasted with countless nanomachines, shifting him into the form of a plastic Arceus. They weren't quite programmed that well, and they needed a central control unit to function, so they basically used his brain as a substitute for a central control unit, and gave him the ability to do what those machines did: make plastic objects. He could also make other people into plastic, but withhold from them the ability to create plastic like he can.

Next up, the crowkin. They're basically creations of the inflatable Arceus, to serve as spies, and they could possess people and snatch their bodies away, placing them in weird crow-person plastic bodies. They were made partially flesh by way of another character, called Canin (who's gonna get his own confession, I'm telling you this right now). Partially flesh, by the way, means that they had wings that were forced to remain plastic. There was some ambiguity over whether they were actual crows before becoming plastic, or whether they were cloned souls spit out by the Soul-Orb. They eventually had a crow-village without much electricity, or modern amenities, but they got by.

Fast forward to our newest iteration of reality. They're still connected to Arceus, but in a vastly different way. See, company that "made" Arceus, they didn't really help him all that much, tried to shut him out, hide his existence. Eventually Archie stormed into a shareholder meeting to reveal himself, and... the shareholders requested further testing into making such plastic beings, thinking it's be a get-rich-quick product due to the subjects presumably being free of disease and old age as a result of being non-organic. So, they gather up several animals, mostly birds, and test, seeing which animals had a strong enough brain for the nanobots to latch onto them as a central control unit. Finally, public demonstration time comes, and they blast a bunch of crows in the same manner as Arceus, and they all turn into crowpeople. Very confused and angry crowpeople.

It takes a venue-wide EMP blast to knock them down on their asses, and they're deflated, and sealed away, and the company behind this mess eventually goes bankrupt, and the executives flee to avoid possible jail-time for their poor decisions, vanishing from the public eye. Those executives would form the core of the Knights of Arceus. The inflatable knights, in the old canon, weren't much to write about. They were basically people trapped into becoming inflatable knights, brainwashed to serve Arceus as his personal inflatable army and their minds wiped of any trace of their past lives. The most recent reality.... well, it's a loose adaptation of the old canon version of the knights. They still think of themselves as his army, and they've abandoned their past lives, but the latter is where they greatly differ.

Those business executives, they ended up taking the plastic nanomachine generator with them, and to hide themselves, they essentially erased their own identities by blasting themselves with plastic nanobots, becoming tall, plastic, faceless knights. Things snowballed when one of them decided to save a beaten-up runaway on the streets, and they started taking in all sorts of people who needed to escape from society. Small-time criminals, people in abusive relationships who couldn't run away otherwise, and because the leaders didn't know how to explain this miraculous change to their beneficiaries, they claimed it was holy power, and they made Arceus into a literal God figure, calling him "Lord Arceus". Still a bit of wish fulfillment on our parts, throwing away our identities and becoming something else entirely, but I tried to play this as not necessarily a good thing, that this was actually kind of hella sad, that these people felt they had to go to such lengths to be able to even LIVE, and they gave up what flesh could offer them.

So, everything's still weird as hell, but we at least tried to give the universe and its technology a more coherent ruleset, so it doesn't get too out of bounds. And yet you're probably still confused.

TL;DR for this one: Plastic Arceus went from dick to less of a dick, crowkin were plastic crow spies but now they're test crows made plastic, and brainwashed knights turned into business executives shielding those who couldn't escape and all praised the plastic llama-god.

Time to talk about Canin. This character was a product of the second reality, so he's been through a bunch of scenarios and a lot of character change. In both canons, he's a clone of another character of mine, but is a Zoroark somehow, and he has absolutely disgusting powers that involve crafting flesh and modifying it.

In the old canon, on old!Earth, he started out as just a random Zoroark balloon that came to life and fell in love with its creator, with a mischievous personality. I got the pretty dumb idea to then make him a character with abilities that were the reverse of plastic-making - flesh making. Now, at the time, plastic mages were forced to continually make balloons, to use up their plasti-mana, or else they would "overload" - basically, everything within a certain radius of them would turn plastic, and they would go into a short coma before they regained enough power to wake up. This also applied to my flesh mage, so when HE overloaded.... eyes and organs and rotted flesh everywhere. Big 'ol Meatsplosion.

He eventually refines it to a point where he can make plastic people into flesh, though it hurts like hell since they're growing EVERYTHING, and THEN he finds out that these flesh powers are killing him from the inside, via rapidly growing cancerous growths. He keeps making the plastic people flesh anyways, because they want to be flesh, and because he feels like even if it's killing him, not using it would be more harmful, and helping other people with his abilities at least gives his life a purpose.

And then came the shift to New!World, where characters were dropped off in different areas all over the planet, at different points in time. This is where I pretty much overhauled Canin as a character. He appeared in this new world about 2 years before almost everyone else, and during that time, he made himself into a prominent figure in the medical field for basically being able to heal wounds and restore entire organs in a very short time span. These new connections he had allowed him access to a anti-cancer drug produced by a prominent pharmaceutical company in this world, one that was sketchy and horrifying underneath the hood, but he didn't know that, they had pills that could reverse his cancer, and they did.

Canin was transformed from some poor kid who didn't know how to handle his horrifying powers, to someone widely known in the field of medical science for basically flipping the table on everything.

And then, eventually, reality ended again, and the people who ate the godmeat went back to Earth. Canin being among them. Now here's a chance to touch on something I didn't get a chance to detail the last time I described reality shifts. The people who ate the godmeat were essentially stepping into other peoples' lives. They had the same names, the same appearances, but they weren't exactly the same person, they were just... invaders, basically. And the people they replaced never fully went away, still subtly occupying the same body, but initially they were prisoners, their bodies performing actions that they themselves had no control over, they were forced to watch as someone else tried to live their lives. From this point forward, I'll be describing the "invaders" with the prefix old!, and the people replaced with the prefix new!, because they were essentially new versions of these characters.

new!Canin's origins were that he came out of a routine cloning machine test, after something got inside. Something called a pain demon, which had fed on negative emotions and stimuli. This was by complete accident, but the results were very nearly catastrophic and could have led to meat spreading everywhere if the machine wasn't turned off. I'm still sort of trying to work out the rest of his origins after that, so I don't have much to put here. What's important is that new!Canin still existed, but was locked up in his own body, not having much influence over what he could do.

Eventually, he was able to push through some memories of his own life to old!Canin, to try and slowly influence him to the point of putting his life back on track. There were some whose memories were eventually wiped out completely and erased, while others suppressed the reemergence of those whose lives they had stolen, but new!Canin worked like a puppetmaster, dripfeeding certain memories and emotions to old!Canin to push him towards certain courses of action. This is still ongoing in the RP, and I'm using two concepts for Canin right now.

The first is the fear of suddenly becoming a prisoner in your own body, without knowing why, and seeing someone else control it, someone very similar to you but not QUITE like you.

The second is the fear of having your actions influenced by someone whose life you had stolen by mistake, and you have more and more difficulty telling if your thoughts and feelings are yours, or if they belong to that other person.

That's the sort of stuff I like to toy around with nowadays, because I think it makes for interesting scenarios and conflicts and character moments. That's why I'm still in the RP game

TL;DR: Meat mage started out as a mischievous balloon, turned into flesh from a meatsplosion, became a doctor, and is now struggling with his sense of identity after stepping into his own shoes

 

[Rest]

How many in the pot, NTGYK?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

How many in the pot, NTGYK?

Currently three, but I may not post one just cause I think it`s dumb.

 

[Rest]

Currently three, but I may not post one just cause I think it`s dumb.

What's it about?

 

[Rest]

Hmm... I sent one but I don't know if it went through. I just saw the website had a captcha that I didn't fill out. But I got a successful message sent screen. NTGYK, what are the sent times for the last few you have?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

What's it about?

Eh, we've survived a month, here it is:

I hate women.

They are only objects to be judged based on their appearance. Their body is all they are good for. Personality means jack shit if I don't like how they look. I love it when they are hot, that's the only way I can tolerate them. If they are ugly or fat, I can't stand to be around them. I scream in my head for them to shut up and go away. My perfect world would be if all the ugly ones died and never came back.

Nobody suspects this. I'm very friendly and polite to men and women. Sometimes it's fun to hang around just a woman or two. But I only think about fucking them and hurting them. Nothing else. I can barely follow conversations that we are having because of these thoughts.

And I'm married.

I can't stand her and hate having sex with her.

You're an asshole that desperately needs therapy.

 

[Rest]

You're an asshole that desperately needs therapy.

Strikes me as fake. I think your original judgement was correct, I wouldn't feel bad if you remove it.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I'm a virgin and I'm 20. None of my friends know. I'm so scared to talk to girls. I'm not ugly but no girl has ever said yes when I asked them out.

I worry that if people knew that I have not had sex they would abandon me and I'd be lonely again.

I'm 25, a virgin, and all of my friends know and don't really care much beyond a few good natured jokes.

Sex isn't that important, at least being a virgin isn't that big a deal. If the people in your life are worth having around, they won't care about something so trivial. It'll happen, buddy. Don't let it be a monolith in your mind and just enjoy life.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I'm a 100% heterosexual male, no interest in guys whatever, find the male body gross and unappealing (yes, I know that means people will think I'm a closeted homosexual or bisexual male. But, I'm not).

I find females extremely attractive. Most every size and shape and color and style. However, there's one thing I have difficulty with...



I find vaginas very unattractive. I don't like the look of them, I don't like the feel of them, I don't like the smell of them, and I have no desire at all to get close enough to even find out the taste of them. They're just extremely unappealing and unattractive in basically every way.



Mainly what I want to know with this confession is, does anyone else feel the same? Or is there just something wrong with me?

Is there something wrong with you? Well, there is a guy earlier in the thread that confessed the same thing, but I'm pretty sure he's an insane virginical polygamist cult leader.

So you tell me.

Spoiler

There's nothing wrong with you. There's all types out there.

 

[terrisus]

I'm 20... I'm so scared to talk to girls.

I'd say that's the real issue, not whether one has had sex or not.

virginical polygamist

Should I even ask how that works?

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

I'd say that's the real issue, not whether one has had sex or not.




Should I even ask how that works?

Isn't the virginal polygamist cult guy the person who sent in a bunch of conflicting confessions?

 

[Rest]

Those are the three, eh? Come on guys, we gotta pull some more out.

Should I even ask how that works?

Many unconsummated marriages.

 

[HGStormy]

It's true. We can smell fear.

I wish this was a joke