Support NeoGAF

[Acorn]

Who the hell is Pam?

Pam and her five sisters. Every man knows them.

 

[vikki]

I don't even have the words to make a joke of this.

That's just really shitty.

You should have left your cold shit-covered underpants on your boss's desk.

My aunt loves to tell her sharted at work story. She sharted and only had a towel to wrap her bottom half in while her shitty pants were in the garbage. She had to bolt out of the office with the towel wrapped around her waste and she took off for the rest of the day.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Wtf is up with soulfucker

Probably a lot of things. I don't think any of them are good.

My aunt loves to tell her sharted at work story. She sharted and only had a towel to wrap her bottom half in while her shitty pants were in the garbage. She had to bolt out of the office with the towel wrapped around her waste and she took off for the rest of the day.

Okay, I laughed.

 

[terrisus]

Pam and her five sisters. Every man knows them.

Antonio Alfonseca scoffs at this post.

Okay, I laughed.

Excellent.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Pam and her five sisters. Every man knows them.

I don't get this reference

 

[SnakeEyes]

I don't get this reference

It's actually Mrs. Palmer and her 5 daughters.

Spoiler

Masturbation.

 

[NeOak]

Nah man, it's just not my cup of tea.

 

[properpropaganda]

It's actually Mrs. Palmer and her 5 daughters.

Spoiler

Masturbation.

I thought it was Palmala and her sister Hangela

 

[NeOak]

Anonymous Confessions will run another five days, people. 20th is the last day for any confessions, at which point everything in the box will be wiped and I won't check it for another year (but you can continue to send them in throughout the year).

I got a few more sitting in here though, so yay

CUMFESSOR PLS... MOAR

:c

 

[BumRush]

The sofa is more comfortable than my broken down futon right now, so I sleep many a night on it.

Would make the perfect setting for a cuckhold version of futon porn

 

[gaiages]

Soulfucker-senpai noticed me :3~

That's... interesting.

 

[ink4n3]

How on earth does an idiot like Confessor's mom even get licensed to teach a kid

Serious question, do you have to get licensed to homeschool your kids?

 

[maeh2k]

Months ago I made a thread about getting a job as a programmer, after struggling to find one for a while. To cut to the chase: I may possibly get fired soon.

I consistently make stupid mistakes that I kick myself for. Either I didn't test thoroughly enough, I make something stupidly more complicated so it takes longer to debug, and more things like that. I get really frustrated for making mistakes like that, and try my best to improve but it just isn't happening.

My boss called a one on one meeting with me today and told me there are concerns about me, making all these mistakes, and holding everyone back. I'm just not growing, he even suggested that maybe programming just isn't for me. He know someone that used to be a developer, that switched to IT customer service and was much better there. This makes me second guess my career as I have always had the problem of overcomplicating things.

I'm trying to improve, and I estimate I have about a month to do so. If I get fired, I feel like I will never be able to work in the industry again, and that scares me. If programming really isn't right for me, then my college degree is worthless. I'm at work right now and nearly crying right now. I don't know what to do.

Ask your team to do pair-programming with you. Read books like Clean Code and The Art of Unit Testing. Maybe present this as your plan to get better to show that your are trying to improve.

 

[Psychotext]

I suspect that the confessor may work for me.

One guy endlessly overthinks things, and then takes so long to deliver that it would have just been better to do most of what I ask him to do myself... which sort of isn't the point of management. Not entirely convinced he's improving either.

Might try him on those books.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I am well into my thirties now, but I've never had a girlfriend, barely gone on a date and not even kissed a girl. I am highly educated, have a reasonable job, and soon have a nice place for myself. I would say I have some redeeming qualities. Some people wonder why I have no girlfriend; though I always get embarrassed by these questions, I guess I should take them as a compliment. A major reason for being single is that I'm introverted, *and* extremely shy around people that I do not know (introversion and shyness can go hand in hand, but are not the same thing). I have low self esteem. So many years have passed, and I regret not having developed myself in this regard. So I've been working on that, and some progress has been made; I feel much better now. But there is always one thing that holds me back. Something that makes me a little bit different.

I have horrendous breath.

My breath is so bad, that it can fill up an entire room, with people remarking it smells foul. People tend to cover their nose, take a step back, or remark that a dentist should be visited regularly, out of the blue, when I talk to them. I get offered mints or sweets regularly. Some people just avoid being close to me altogether. Most people remain polite, but a few people have flat out said my breath stinks. There are times where my breath is not as offensive fortunately -- I cherish these moments.

And it's not a lack of hygiene. I brush my teeth, floss, scrape my tongue and use various mouthwashes at least twice a day. I use probiotics. Have tried all kinds of supplements. Tried changing food patterns. Though this improves matters tremendously, it never is quite enough. Visited several dentists and specialists, but they seem to not be able help me further. (It was diagnosed that the bad breath came from the mouth, and not from the stomach or other internal organs.)

But I've slowly come to accept that there is no cure to this now. Doctors are only human, and they certainly do not have the cure to every condition out there. Believe it or not, there is quite a substantial group of individuals with bad breath that cannot be solved by the usual hygiene practices. (See http://www.badbreathhalitosis.com/phpBB2/index.php for instance.)

I've had this since I was a small kid. Perhaps it is hard to understand, but the impact of this condition is tremendous. The worst part is that many people think I'm gross. It hinders me both in personal and professional ways. Every time I receive a negative reaction to my breath, I feel I am being rejected. I've become really sensitive to this. It continously occupies my thoughts.

Fortunately, I do have family and friends who accept me for who I am. Perhaps one day I can find a girl who can do the same. You can imagine it is hard to approach girls (or anybody, really). It is hard enough to find somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But I can try. I do not know if I will ever succeed. There is a good chance I will not.

But at least I will have no regrets.

Well, that's at least... a decent attitude on how to go about it! I think. But that really sucks. You have my sympathies and the best of luck to you. I hope you do find a girl that can accept you as you are.

Maybe at a Halitosis support group! Is that a thing? I think that's a thing.

 

[Perspicacity]

Find or invent a dating service that hooks bad breath people with people with anosmia

 

[grumble]

Well, that's at least... a decent attitude on how to go about it! I think. But that really sucks. You have my sympathies and the best of luck to you. I hope you do find a girl that can accept you as you are.

Maybe at a Halitosis support group! Is that a thing? I think that's a thing.

Get your tonsils surgically removed. If you have any cavities, get them drilled.

Also, chewing gum constantly helps.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Get your tonsils surgically removed. If you have any cavities, get them drilled.

Also, chewing gum constantly helps.

At least his breath isn't outright destructive, that's the worst kind of breath.

 

[Hollycat]

Onlee one confession today?

Breath person, that sucks. My breath isn't nearly that bad, but I have had success with eating lots of oranges to make it smell better.

 

[corn_fest]

You sure it's not your tonsils, breath guy? I had a similar problem (not as bad, but my breath would constantly get progressively worse) - turned out it was tonsil stones, I guess, since it stopped completely after getting them removed.

 

[HGStormy]

I once stole a pack of gum.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

I once stole a pack of gum.

you monster, you're the worst

you're right up there with Scumbag Dad, Scumbag Manager, and Ultra-Cynic.

We'll be calling you GumStealer from now on!

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I once stole a pack of gum.

 

[TheGreatDirector]

I once stole a pack of gum.

This is why we can't have nice things.

 

[Evilisk]

Finally got around to reading all of Soulfucker's confessions and I have to, say I can respect their creativity. Sounds like you've got a pretty cool group to RP with, I tried it once and between RPers not showing up (or popping up too infrequently) and the main RPer rebooting our RP a few times before anything really happened, I was personally disappointed by the whole thing.

I mean as crazy as some of the stuff you've come up with, it does sound pretty fun reading about it

Spoiler

(to me at least, considering everyone else's reactions I'm not sure if I should be worried about that)

so props to you.

Also, since I'm 100% sure that I shouldn't say this and will absolutely regret it later on, here's a confession of my own:

Spoiler

I actually like self-cest. But specifically the "rule 63 version of a character with the original" self-cest, not the kind Soulfucker described with the evil goatee'd versions of a character. Despite how obvious it is now, I never thought about how there could be different kinds of selfcest. Now I'm mildly interested into the type that Soulfucker described.

Spoiler

Yep, I'm definitely going to hate myself later for saying this. I'm really hating loving my spontaneity right about now.

 

[HGStormy]

How come that got quoted but my far more interesting confession got ignored D;

 

[Masquerader]

I once stole a pack of gum.

Ooh! Shoplifting, was it? I think that I may have done the same thing... Several times.

 

[marimorimo]

To the person with bad breath, have you looked into tonsil stones as mentioned above?

Also drinking plenty of water and constantly chewong so you have plenty of saliva in the mouth. I read dry mouth causes stinky breath.

You say you floss regularly, but have you had a dentist really go in and scrape off all plaque and tartar from your teeth? I was starting to have funky breath recently until I went for a very thorough teeth cleaning. My breath after started smelling post-toothbrush fresh even after waking in the morning. Also helps that I naturally over-produce saliva.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Finally got around to reading all of Soulfucker's confessions and I have to, say I can respect their creativity. Sounds like you've got a pretty cool group to RP with, I tried it once and between RPers not showing up (or popping up too infrequently) and the main RPer rebooting our RP a few times before anything really happened, I was personally disappointed by the whole thing.

I mean as crazy as some of the stuff you've come up with, it does sound pretty fun reading about it

Spoiler

(to me at least, considering everyone else's reactions I'm not sure if I should be worried about that)

so props to you.

Also, since I'm 100% sure that I shouldn't say this and will absolutely regret it later on, here's a confession of my own:

Spoiler

I actually like self-cest. But specifically the "rule 63 version of a character with the original" self-cest, not the kind Soulfucker described with the evil goatee'd versions of a character. Despite how obvious it is now, I never thought about how there could be different kinds of selfcest. Now I'm mildly interested into the type that Soulfucker described.

Spoiler

Yep, I'm definitely going to hate myself later for saying this. I'm really hating loving my spontaneity right about now.

Oh my, more selfcest lovers.

How come that got quoted but my far more interesting confession got ignored D;

Quote it again so we can see it, GumStealer :|

Ooh! Shoplifting, was it? I think that I may have done the same thing... Several times.

Did you steal any gum? That's the most important part here!

 

[John Kowalski]

I once stole a pack of gum.

Me too, and i still feel guilty.

 

[Transhuman]

Why is it always a pack of gum? Isn't the gum directly in front of the counter too? Is it the thrill of the challenge, or are all kids just gum addicts.

 

[Masquerader]

Did you steal any gum? That's the most important part here!

Of course not! I'm not dumb. It's really difficult to steal gum. I did steal entire packets of cookies, though.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Of course not! I'm not dumb. It's really difficult to steal gum. I did steal entire packets of cookies, though.

How do shoplifters do this without anybody noticing???

 

[Masquerader]

How do shoplifters do this without anybody noticing???

Schoolbags. Also, in order to alleviate suspicion, I would actually buy something else.

 

[Chainsawkitten]

You guys shoplifted candy? I shoplifted chilis.

That sweet, sweet loot!

Spoiler

Yes, really.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

I kept myself in smokes before they installed cameras in my local 24/7 gas station while in high school.

/Fiction is a bad girl

To be clear, my shoplifting days ended with high school, and while I did it for like, five years, I never got caught. No one suspects the quite ones.

Schoolbags. Also, in order to alleviate suspicion, I would actually buy something else.

Well I guess that's how it would work. Just stuffing it in a school bag.

 

[J. Bravo]

i used to walk into a volcom store with empty backpacks and my college roommate and we'd walk out with multiple shirts, boardshorts, etc. $50 boardshorts and $20 tshirts fo free. i felt bad later, especially when we went back and they told us we had to keep our backpacks at the door because of a rash of recent thefts. it was way too easy and i am ashamed of it today but i ended up getting in trouble with the law because of stealing. that plus i finally gained some empathy and realized what the people (yes it escalated to stealing from people, probably ones who would consider me friends even though i didn't feel that way obviously) would go through- well, now i don't steal anymore. ever.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

hi. i have insecurities about my dick. 2 main ones. to start off, it's small. just measured at full mast, a hair over 5.5". average girth. secondly, i bust nuts way too fast when having vaginal sex. oral takes 5-10 minutes if i bust at all, but vaginal is like 30 seconds tops when sober. this has affected me to the point where i make up excuses to not have sex now because i don't want to be embarassed. i'm 23 and should be over this teenage bullshit. that's all.

There's a dude that confessed to having a 4" dick, so I think you'll be fine.

Pretty sure 5.5" is average. Regarding the busting of nuts... when making love with a beautiful woman, just think about your parents doing the same. You'll last longer due to the terror and revulsion.

Or it'll awaken something that'll haunt you to the end of your days

 

[Chainsawkitten]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis_size#Erect_length

5.5 inches isn't small.

And sex doesn't have to be over because you busted. It's not the end of the world. You have hands and a mouth. Use them.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

There's a dude that confessed to having a 4" dick, so I think you'll be fine.

Pretty sure 5.5" is average. Regarding the busting of nuts... when making love with a beautiful woman, just think about your parents doing the same. You'll last longer due to the terror and revulsion.

Or it'll awaken something that'll haunt you to the end of your days

For a period of time, I was literally living in my parents' basement, and their bedroom was right above mine.

So whenever they did the nasty, I had the absolute pleasure of hearing the bed rocking and listening to their moans and groans, no matter how much I tried to drown it out with silly internet videos. I never told them I could hear them, either. Fun times!

 

[Mike M]

hi. i have insecurities about my dick. 2 main ones. to start off, it's small. just measured at full mast, a hair over 5.5". average girth. secondly, i bust nuts way too fast when having vaginal sex. oral takes 5-10 minutes if i bust at all, but vaginal is like 30 seconds tops when sober. this has affected me to the point where i make up excuses to not have sex now because i don't want to be embarassed. i'm 23 and should be over this teenage bullshit. that's all.

Dude, you're 23, the teenage bullshit doesn't just end when you hit 20. I'm almost 35 and I can have that problem if I'm worked up enough.

Honest legitimate suggestion (thinking of things that make you not want to have sex is kind of awful advice), try taking care of things on your own more frequently. The longer you go between getting off, the less work it will take the next time. You may just need to up your private time sessions to tamp down the sensitivity.

Or at the very least, get back in there for a second round.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

Pretty sure 5.5" is average.

Or even 5", making the worrying really absurd. Wikipedia suggests that penis size is not normally distributed, but instead skewed right (mean greater than median), so that a majority of men are below average. The amount of angst generated over this is amazing, especially given what most women seem say on the subject.

Spoiler

But what do women know though, right? Pffft, only pursue short women.

Do you only last 30s while wearing a condom? That'd be ...impressive. Pretty sure you can train yourself.

 

[HGStormy]

Ooh! Shoplifting, was it? I think that I may have done the same thing... Several times.

We could make a whole clan of looters in preparation for the ebolapocalypse

Why is it always a pack of gum? Isn't the gum directly in front of the counter too? Is it the thrill of the challenge, or are all kids just gum addicts.

Candy makes the world go round (and the people get round)

My mother was similar. Very, very into conspiracy theories. Visited a website called rense.com daily, printing out every article on there. Me, my brother and my sister were never enrolled into school or even homeschooled. That, coupled with frequent verbal and physical abuse, growing up on an isolated ranch with no friends, and being moved to Brasil when I was 10 because of paranoia about a military draft has crafted me into the well adjusted, sociable, intelligent person that I am today.

Spoiler

/s

My brother ended up killing himself, my sister (who's 15) is dating someone who looks about 30, and I haven't spoken to or seen my mother in 4 years.

Only the second to last sentence is any interesting but there.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Oh wow, man.

Hope you and your sister are doing well. And that your mother isn't influencing anyone else with her garbage.

 

[HGStormy]

Oh wow, man.

Hope you and your sister are doing well. And that your mother isn't influencing anyone else with her garbage.

Haven't seen my sister in 4 years either.. She lives with my mother in Brasil. l o l

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Haven't seen my sister in 4 years either.. She lives with my mother in Brasil. l o l

Oh, that's not good. That's not good at all.

 

[Psychotext]

Do you only last 30s while wearing a condom? That'd be ...impressive. Pretty sure you can train yourself.

I've had it happen, mostly when it's been far too long between sessions. Best bet (chemical assistance aside) is to make sure you at least masturbate the same day... that, or explain... then get a handjob, then go to work on her, and have sex after that.

 

[Rest]

I am well into my thirties now, but I've never had a girlfriend, barely gone on a date and not even kissed a girl. I am highly educated, have a reasonable job, and soon have a nice place for myself. I would say I have some redeeming qualities. Some people wonder why I have no girlfriend; though I always get embarrassed by these questions, I guess I should take them as a compliment. A major reason for being single is that I'm introverted, *and* extremely shy around people that I do not know (introversion and shyness can go hand in hand, but are not the same thing). I have low self esteem. So many years have passed, and I regret not having developed myself in this regard. So I've been working on that, and some progress has been made; I feel much better now. But there is always one thing that holds me back. Something that makes me a little bit different.

I have horrendous breath.

My breath is so bad, that it can fill up an entire room, with people remarking it smells foul. People tend to cover their nose, take a step back, or remark that a dentist should be visited regularly, out of the blue, when I talk to them. I get offered mints or sweets regularly. Some people just avoid being close to me altogether. Most people remain polite, but a few people have flat out said my breath stinks. There are times where my breath is not as offensive fortunately -- I cherish these moments.

And it's not a lack of hygiene. I brush my teeth, floss, scrape my tongue and use various mouthwashes at least twice a day. I use probiotics. Have tried all kinds of supplements. Tried changing food patterns. Though this improves matters tremendously, it never is quite enough. Visited several dentists and specialists, but they seem to not be able help me further. (It was diagnosed that the bad breath came from the mouth, and not from the stomach or other internal organs.)

But I've slowly come to accept that there is no cure to this now. Doctors are only human, and they certainly do not have the cure to every condition out there. Believe it or not, there is quite a substantial group of individuals with bad breath that cannot be solved by the usual hygiene practices. (See http://www.badbreathhalitosis.com/phpBB2/index.php for instance.)

I've had this since I was a small kid. Perhaps it is hard to understand, but the impact of this condition is tremendous. The worst part is that many people think I'm gross. It hinders me both in personal and professional ways. Every time I receive a negative reaction to my breath, I feel I am being rejected. I've become really sensitive to this. It continously occupies my thoughts.

Fortunately, I do have family and friends who accept me for who I am. Perhaps one day I can find a girl who can do the same. You can imagine it is hard to approach girls (or anybody, really). It is hard enough to find somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But I can try. I do not know if I will ever succeed. There is a good chance I will not.

But at least I will have no regrets.

I imagine you've already thought of it, but how is your hydration? An overly dry mouth allows more bacteria to grow, causing bad breath. Have you tried drinking more water?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Thursday's the last day, yo.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Thursday's the last day, yo.

Well drying up again?