I don't even know who Mr. Touchdown is, but he SUCKS. Cole is like a taller, lankier Davey Richards, which means he SUCKS.
legitshook.com
WCW Monday Nitro 8/23/99
Recap of last week's show. Sting vs Hogan for the title is the main event tonight. What are the odds of Sid and Steiner doing a run in? Also, KISS WILL PERFORM!
Mikey Whipwreck vs Chase Tatum
"They're real exited about something. I don't know what it is." Obviously not the match. Sid came out and pinned both men, with refs counting the pins and another holding up a sign for every win. See, he started doing this to get at Goldberg, but then he said he was doing it until Hogan gave him a title shot. Hogan gave him the title shot, so he's back to doing this to piss Goldberg off.
TO THE BACK. Kidman and Kim talk about some misunderstanding that DDP had over the two of them. Goldberg arrives to see DDP beating someone up or something. Apparently it was Kidman who was getting beat up. Did those things air out of order? Goldberg was held back by security.
The Jersey Triad come to the ring. DDP talks about Kidman coming out and saying stuff about his wife. I'm so confused. Either something wasn't aired, was aired out of order, or was cut out of this tape. DDP vs Goldberg tonight and he's going to blow the roof off Goldberg. What does that mean?
Sting comes to the ring. He starts by speaking in carny. Remember Kizarny? I can't believe Vince even considered that character. Sting talks about Hogan for a bit before Lex Luger comes out. Lex says that Sting is the true back bone and franchise of WCW, but he's got a bad feeling about Hogan. He's the only guy so far to have doubts about Hogan and for the first time in my life, I'm agreeing with Lex Luger about something. Sting doesn't see any problem with Hulk. Of course not. This is the same guy who trusted RIC FLAIR not to SWERVE him after 6 years of feuding with him.
TO THE BACK. Tenay caught up with Eric Bischoff about the rumors that Bischoff may be put back in charge of WCW. Bischoff was driving a black Hummer. Eric denied the rumors and made fun of the internet.
The Cat vs Buff Bagwell
Cat has defeated everyone in the locker room, so he wants to beat Buff again. Buff won their last match, but he's been left laying after pretty much every confrontation they've had, so I can buy Cat thinking he's defeated Buff. As Sonny got involved, Lex Luger came back out to chase him away. Buff hit the Blockbuster, which the cameras completely missed, and Buff wins.
Berlyn video.
DJ Ran throws to the Nitro Girls, who dance out of sync and awkwardly.
DDP vs Goldberg
Bam Bam attacked Goldberg during his entrance. He ran to the ring anyway. He killed Kanyon with a spear, also speared Bam Bam, and DDP ran away. I think Goldberg technically won via DQ. I'm counting it as one. Goldberg challenges DDP (and maybe the whole Triad) to a match next week in New York.
World premiere of the new West Texas Rednecks' music video. Really weird editing where the line says something about loving long legged girls who know how to love and immediately showing a baby waving.
TO THE NITRO PARTY. A obviously produced Nitro party which was hosted by Tony Mamaluke before he was known as that, and it also featured a young Cody Rhodes in a singlet and lucha mask.
Juventud Guerrera vs Lenny WCW Cruiserweight Championship
They're really going with the brothers angle, which makes it so much weirder than just boyfriends. Lenny tried to fuck Juvi. I'd think that would make Lodi mad, but it didn't. Cheap gay heat is probably my least favorite kind of cheap heat in wrestling. At least with Goldust, he was creepy about it. Lenny just twirls his hair and skips. Sid came out to cause yet another DQ. Sting, Goldberg, and Hogan won't be around anymore. Only Sid in the year 2000. He actually wasn't far off with that prediction.
The West Texas Rednecks perform. Perfect makes fun of all the bands WCW keeps booking. Why do we have to hear the full song from the video and then have them "perform" it on the same show?
Nitro Girls awkwardly dance.
Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobs/Barbarian vs Saturn/Dean Malenko/Shane Douglas
Hugh looks fucking stupid. His goatee goes up almost to his eye balls, he has frosted tips, and a full singlet that is half purple. You aren't getting me to watch Brian Knobs have matches, WCW. I'm not falling for that. Rick Steiner hit the ring and hit the bulldog on Saturn, giving the First Family the win. Never mind that he walked RIGHT IN FRONT of the ref, with there being no possible way that the ref didn't both see him and make eye contact with him, yet still counted the pin. Benoit came out and said Steiner would have to swallow whatever he dishes out. The Lenny/Lodi segment was earlier. I guess we're going to see Benoit/Steiner for the US Championship later.
ICP vs Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman
I can not believe ICP are working regular matches on Nitro and PPVs. What the fuck. And weirdly, ICP could dominate Rey and Eddie at Road Wild, and PE on Nitro, but can barely handle Rey and Kidman. Make up your mind on how you're going to book them. Either they are jokes in the ring or they aren't. They can't be both. Vamp tried to interfere, but accidentally cost ICP the match. Eddie ran out for a save after the match. I guess Kidman recovered from his DDP beat down. I'm still confused about that. Did Kidman say something in an online interview that they decided to make into a story line even though no one had seen or heard the interview?
TO THE MEAN BROTHERJACKDUDE. American Made is even cheesier than Real American. He talks about lines, destiny, and Nitro Nick. He promised to never SWERVE Nick, his sister, or his mother.
Rick Steiner vs Chris Benoit WCW US Championship
Fucking Rick Steiner. I don't want to watch him unless Scott is out there with him and they're beating up jobbers. In 1991. Rick pulled the ref in the way of a diving headbutt. Saturn came out, but Sid also came out and it ended with no finish, but I'm counting it as a DQ since Rick intentionally tried to injure the ref. Benoit is sick of Kliqs and politics and challenges Sid/Rick to a tag match on Thunder. Which was already booked on Thunder. Was Smackdown about to start up as a regular show and that's why they were actually booking stuff ahead of time for Thunder? And did Nash really think that Sid/Steiner vs Benoit/Saturn was going to out draw whatever Vince was putting out (which I believe was Rock vs HHH)? Sid said "If you want to be a big man, you've got to wear the big boots!".
Harlem Heat vs Barry Windham/Kendall Windham WCW Tag Team Championships
Brothers, brothers everywhere. Damn it, Barry, why are you wearing such a tiny shirt? Why don't you wear one that fits and tuck it in to you trunks instead of wearing a shirt that the Blue Meanie would wear? Curt got involved and the ref HAD to have seen it, but didn't seem to care. Book hit the missile dropkick and Curt got involved again, hitting Booker with a cowbell. New champions!
Vampiro vs Eddie Guerrero
Eddie still acts like a heel coming out, even though he's clearly a face now. It would make things a lot easier for me if Sid interfered at the start of every match. The should could be 10 minutes long and would just be entrances and powerbombs. ICP came out. Eddie slipped off the top rope trying to dive on them. He also slipped on the apron before he went up top. Eddie and Skinny Clown conked heads and Vamp won. Kidman and Rey were quickly out to prevent a beat down.
Nitro Girls dance.
Hulk Hogan vs Sting WCW Championship
This means that KISS will be main eventing Nitro this week. This should be a pretty huge match, but instead it is a Nitro match with a week of build. I wouldn't at all be surprised for Goldberg vs Hogan to be on next week's show out of the blue. They have a pretty straight and even match for a while. Far more competitive than any of the previous Hogan/Sting matches. Sid and Rick Steiner hit the ring, causing a DQ. No way! Goldberg came in to run them off, as did Lex Luger.
KISS performs. Tony got to introduce them and nearly came. They play God of Thunder. It was one of the first songs I learned to play when I started with guitar. The actual first song I learned was Come As You Are. During the song, stage hands brought a giant coffin onto the stage, which started to open before they were ready. Inside was Crush in Gene Simmons make up. WE'RE OUTTA TIME!
DQ Count: 5 out of 10 matches. No clean finishes. The closest was Buff/Cat, but had Sonny Onoo and Lex involved, so I'm not sure it should count.
Another shit show. They hyped one match and of course it ended in DQ. They had another musical performance, and then a comedy musical performance just for fun. ICP in competitive matches with real wrestlers. DDP/Goldberg gets the fans hyped up, then never really starts. Hulk Hogan, the WCW Champion, really has no feud now since Sid is the top heel but is building for a match with Goldberg and no one else. I suppose Sid is tangentially feuding with Hogan, Sting, Goldberg, and the Revolution, but it's really all related to Goldberg. The same Goldberg who is back to showing up at the end of the show to run someone off.