KORAN KORNER WITH STRO 10/16/2014
Whores and Whoremongers are blights on the earth. They can only marry each other. They deserve to be scourged with 100 strips. No pity on these suckas.
If you accuse a woman of infidelity or other sexual crimes, you must have 4 witnesses. If you don't, you get 80 lashes. If a husband accuses his wife of infidelity, they both will say their testimony 4 times, with the 5th time being a curse from Allah. And who ever falls to the curse is obviously the liar. That all came about because Mohammed forgot to bring Ayesha on a over night trip and a lot of rumors started up about her being a whore. These really pissed her off, and she tried to take out hits on the guys. The main guy who started the rumors wasn't punished because he was too important in the city. So then, a new declaration from Allah came down.
Don't enter houses of those you aren't invited to. It's okay to enter empty/abandoned houses, though.
You should cover your junk. Men and women. Women should cover up all of their parts and jewelry and should only show themselves to relatives, kids who are too young to think of sex, and retarded people.
Be good to your slaves and don't force them into prostitution.
Every beast came from water, then crawled on its belly, then walked on two feet. It sounds pretty clearly a reference to evolution, but it is possible that it was instead just referring to all kinds of animals that are under Allah's power. It's kind of a mystery.
Kids/Slaves have to ask for permission to enter rooms when you might be naked. Such as in the morning, at night, or during bathing.
It's cool for unmarried/widowed post-menopausal women to show off their jewelry/maybe tits, but it is preferred if they don't.
Never address Mohammed without a title. Such as Sir Mo.
People had a real issue with the Koran not being fully formed and released at all once. Mo (who complains about this himself at a different part in the book) decides he'll refute this by giving the ENTIRE Moses story again. From being a baby not allowed to have a wet nurse, to the talking bush/tree, to the staff being a snake, to the Pharaoh thinking he was a magician, to parting the Red Sea, to the tablets. ALL that shit. Again. At least the 7th time in full, and it pops up again in the next 3 chapters, even though they're super short. He also does this with Abraham, Noah, and Lot. And in fact, him knowing those stories at all in such detail is given of proof of his prophethood, as Mo was completely illiterate and wouldn't be able to know all the stories otherwise.
A weird story about Solomon. He throws a party with humans, jinn, animals (mostly birds, that talk), and a dude from Egypt. There are quotes from a talking ANT, who told his ant bros to make sure they stay in their hills so they don't get stepped on. Anyways, Solomon knows of a woman ruling some town in Egypt. He decides to send a messenger to tell her and her town to convert or die. She sends a bunch of money to him. He isn't interested and sends his people to blow shit up. She converts and repents, but most of her population doesn't and the city is pretty much erased.
It's made pretty clear that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed due to raping and dudes banging each other.
Allah gets really pissy with people who praise him, but then ask why he throws hardships at them. Mostly referring to in war, I believe.
Noah was 950 years old when he died.
One of the natural disaster type things Allah would send to destroy cities included some kind of really terrible sound. It's not really explained, but I imagine it is like Scanners.
Idolators are like spiders, and little do they know that a spider's house is the easiest to destroy.
The notes make it clear that all of the other gods and idols that people believe in are never referred to as not existing. They're just not actual gods. Supernatural beings. Which means, at some point in Muslim history (maybe even today), ALL gods and pantheons exist, just not as gods. Zeus, Isis, Odin, Quetzalcoatl, and
Poseidon are all totally legit. They just aren't actual gods.
Aesop, creator of TV Tropes, is mentioned.
At a point in Arab history, dudes would basically divorce their wives by saying, "Thy back is to me as my mother's back". After saying that, they would consider their wives to be like their real mothers, so obviously boning them was out of the question. Mohammed said that's stupid as fuck and to knock it off. At the same time, Arabs also considered their adopted children to be blood. It was forbidden to have sex with the wife of any blood relatives. However, Mo had adopted a kid and really wanted to fuck his wife. The son immediately offered a divorce, but Mo said to wait until Allah changes the rules. And then the rule was changed. And then Mohammed married his adopted son's ex wife. It caused a huge scandal at the time, but since you aren't allowed to criticize Allah or Mohammed, it blew over. Over fear of death. Also, don't fuck your ex wives.
Some other Mohammed/marriage issues: Mo got really annoyed with his wives always asking for nice shit, so he told them to either deal with it or get the fuck out. They stayed. Probably because no one is ever allowed to marry an ex-wife or widow of Mohammed. They aren't even allowed to be touched or looked at. And if they cheat on Mo, they get double the punishment of a normal woman. Then a decree came down that Mohammed had special rules and could marry anyone he wanted except for immediate family. He was the only one given this right. Literally, marriages that were illegal for everyone else was legal for him.
Don't annoy Mo. It's punishable by death if deemed necessary. In Arab tradition, the chief's tent would constantly have guests and entertainment. Being that Mo was a pretty popular guy, he was always having visitors. The tradition also calls for the chief not being allowed to turn down visitors. But Mo could and if people annoyed him, he could send them away. If they REALLY annoyed him, they could be killed. There is a pretty clear thread through out the whole book of things that annoy Mo being made illegal, or things he wants to do being made legal, or just him specifically given special privileges that no one else was privy to. Perhaps this is a sign of his bromance with Allah. Perhaps.
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