• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

October Wrasslin' |OT| Running around in our underwear making ugly faces

S

simplythebest

Banned
strobogo said:
Things I'm learning from the Koran:


You best fear Allah. FEAR HIM. FEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR *times infinity and beyond plus 1*

All the prophets of the Torah/Bible were Muslims, even the ones from before Mohammed's time. They all (as in, all the past, present, and future prophets) had a meeting on Mount Sinai and agreed on this.

You can't use money or the lives of your children to cover up sins and damnation, but using money to spread the word will give your soul insurance.

Allah purposely gave both very clear and ambiguous commands, and those who followed the ambiguous ones are sinners, because only Allah can interpret what he says. Which seems like entrapment to me.

Jesus was the Messiah, and was born of a virgin birth. However, he was not divine and was instead more like Adam than any kind of god. All of his miracles were done through Allah and he wasn't crucified. Instead, someone else died on the cross and Allah brought him back to heaven. Which I think also rules out the 3 days and resurrection stuff.

Dying in the way of Allah (ie, fighting in his name/honor) is an instant ticket to heaven.

Jews are liars. They are also greedy and won't repay a debt unless forced. They were cool once upon a time, but it seems like they really pissed Allah off when they asked for different food once in a while, and I think didn't want to fight when Allah wanted them to fight.

You must breast feed for 2 years. But if you want to ween of use a wet nurse, that's cool as long as you have the approval of a local council.

The rich must provide.

There is no compulsion in relgion. But at the same time, you should kill or at least run out those who don't believe. At the same time, you should be nice to them and show pitty. At the same time, do not associate with non-believers, in friendship or in business. There is A LOT of back and forth on this kind of thing. One passage will clearly say to find and kill them all, while a few pages later will say to never fight or kill unless attacked first. Some passages read that you will be punished if you associate with or don't kill/convert/run out nonbelievers. Some say they don't know because Allah has decided for them and in some cases, won't ALLOW them to believe. It's very morally confusing and conflicting and I can't see how this can be properly taught to a society. But there are those kinds of contradictions on just about everything.

Don't fight unless provoked, don't harm other believers. Except, if you suspect your wife of doing anything against Allah, you are to take her to the bed room and beat her. If she submits, you aren't allowed to hit her any more and you will be the sinner if you do. In divorces, don't be a dick and let your wife take what she wants, don't keep her as your wife by force, and don't try to fuck with her new marriage. Do not show any favoritism towards any of your wives. Treat them equally. Don't take her dowry if you want to switch wives, because that is a dick move. Also don't take the dowry of a woman you suspect of infidelity. Men are definitely superior and count for 2 women in the matters of law (maybe?) and wills. But then there are times when the woman definitely gets an equal amount or even more than the man. But if she is adulterous, absolutely lock her in your house against her will. Even though you aren't supposed to do that, except when you are.

You aren't allowed to make a profit off of spreading the word. So I think a preacher can't be paid or something is how I read it, because giving alms definitely involves giving money. It's really big on being nice and helping the sick, orphaned, and poor. But don't give land to stupid people. Be nice to them, though.

Don't drink and pray. Don't pray while you're dirty.

Muslims are prescribed fighting, and even if they hate it, it is good for them.

NO INCEST. It's very clear about it. If you fuck your mom/aunt/sister/daughter/grandmother you are going to hell forever, breh. You also can not fuck a step daughter that you are the ward of, IF you have fucked her mother. But it reads like if you haven't banged the mom, the step-daughter is fair game. Seemed to be some wiggle room with banging your sons wives as well.

Allah restrains the violence of nonbelievers, for he is more violent and severe to punish. In fact, the entire religion seems to be based around fear and punishment. I think I've read all of 2 lines in 100 pages that say anything with Allah and love in the same sentence. It's very, very, very insistent on fearing Allah above all else. "Allah loves those that fear." It also seems he genuinely enjoys punishing. All this fear stuff shouldn't be a big surprise since it's the same dude from the Old Testament, who was the biggest shitheel in the whole book and all about fucking people up.

Ape not kill ape. Which is not to say I'm comparing Muslims to apes. It just reminded me of Planet of the Apes. Jews ARE compared to apes in one passage, though. Anyway, a Muslim must not kill another Muslim unless it is an accident. And if that accident happens, the killer must release a captive. I read that as give one of his slaves to the family of the deceased, but I could be wrong. If a Mulsim intentionally kills another Muslim, he's doomed and Allah is going to get all up in that ass.



Obviously, a lot of it is familiar if you are aware of Jewish/Christian stuff, since it covers a lot of the same stuff and Islam is an off shoot/culmination of those. Quite a bit on Moses so far, but appearances by Adam, Jonah, Abraham, Jesus, Mary, Mary's father, at least one reference to Noah, David, Job, Joshua, Miriam, Samuel. It's not collected in any kind of time line, so it jumps all around. It isn't really a literary book like the Bible. But it is so full of conflict with what it says to do, there are so many caveats, sometimes completely opposite commands, and in that terrible Biblical prose that I have no idea how you would teach this to uneducated, illiterate masses. Both back then and currently. It seems to me that the conflict in the Muslim world is inherent in their book, which is at odds with itself constantly. If the book you follow as the unquestionable word of god is at conflict with itself, of course the culture around it is going to be at conflict with itself and its neighbors. I'm only a few chapters in and can see that. Me, a dumb wrestling fan. But the most important thing is to fear Allah at all times. There is one section that is a straight up mob boss situation, where he says like "Remember the favor I did for you today, and one day you'll be called to do a favor for me, and don't think about reneging or you'll burn until all your skin is gone, then I'll give you new skin to burn off. Forever. Because I can do that easily, friend." The first nearly 40 pages are all about how much you should fear him. Not the way I'd choose to start off a holy book, but whatever.
Click to expand...
hbALkL9.gif
 
L

Liu Kang Baking A Pie

Member
We need another Vader so bad. Lesnar would be amazing in that role, but he's never there. Fans want to cheer for a guy who legitimately does not give a fuck and beats up everyone convincingly. The Vader bomb was my favorite move as a kid.
 
K

Kaladin

Member
Man God said:
It's quickly falling behind ROH and into indie territory. Even if it survives it won't be a major promotion anymore. This is it.
Click to expand...

I don't think TNA has had a shot at being a major promotion since they squandered their chance at making a star with Austin Aries.

They still have TV though.
 
X

XiaNaphryz

LATIN, MATRIPEDICABUS, DO YOU SPEAK IT
They just pushed a stat rebalance to Super Card. Jimmy Uso no longer the lowest ranked common card, looks like it's Titus O'Neil. Lower stats than Summer Rae.
 
D

Data West

coaches in the WNBA
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
We need another Vader so bad. Lesnar would be amazing in that role, but he's never there. Fans want to cheer for a guy who legitimately does not give a fuck and beats up everyone convincingly. The Vader bomb was my favorite move as a kid.
Click to expand...

He'd have to be pretty stiff like Brock, and I can't imagine a newer guy getting away with that. It would have to be someone with a MMA history who's burly and doesn't mind stirring the pot backstage. The problem would be getting over with the locker room with that, not necessarily the fans. Fans always pop for stiff moves.
 
B

bjork

Member
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
We need another Vader so bad. Lesnar would be amazing in that role, but he's never there. Fans want to cheer for a guy who legitimately does not give a fuck and beats up everyone convincingly. The Vader bomb was my favorite move as a kid.
Click to expand...

Wait until Santino comes back. He's all business this time!
 
B

BoboBrazil

Member
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
We need another Vader so bad. Lesnar would be amazing in that role, but he's never there. Fans want to cheer for a guy who legitimately does not give a fuck and beats up everyone convincingly. The Vader bomb was my favorite move as a kid.
Click to expand...

Shit any dominant monster that comes up in the role is fed to Cena. WWE/WWF has always been terrible at making monster heels too. Most good gimmicks/monsters were brought up in other territories and feds, which you don't get anymore really.
 
B

bjork

Member
BoboBrazil said:
Shit any dominant monster that comes up in the role is fed to Cena. WWE/WWF has always been terrible at making monster heels too. Most good gimmicks/monsters were brought up in other territories and feds, which you don't get anymore really.
Click to expand...

What if a guy came up, got a slight buzz going, then on some live Raw decided on his way to the ring, like, "fuck this dopey bitch" and laid Cena out legit? There's no way they could edit that out, right? They'd almost have to push him, right? Or would they find a way to mess that up too.
 
B

BoboBrazil

Member
bjork said:
What if a guy came up, got a slight buzz going, then on some live Raw decided on his way to the ring, like, "fuck this dopey bitch" and laid Cena out legit? There's no way they could edit that out, right? They'd almost have to push him, right? Or would they find a way to mess that up too.
Click to expand...

Well Bart Gunn won Brawl For All against their golden boy Dr. Death and they punished him by making him face Butter Bean. WWE will find a way to mess up any hot angle that lands in their lap. It's happened over and over again.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

[IGN] Explaining – and Fixing – IGN's Face-Off Controversy
20
1K
March Climber replied
DF Weekly: Some original Xbox One units failing to update, disabling most console functions
27
2K
Moriarty1889 replied
[GI.biz] Are games consoles facing extinction? Shawn Layden, Van Burnham and Michael Pachter debate....
2
85
4K
Shadowstar39 replied
Challenger Games (illang,second wave) closing
1
753
IAmRei replied
[Stephen Totilo] Exclusive: The making of the PlayStation Portal
News Platform
10
1K
ChorizoPicozo replied
Top Bottom