Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!

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Ermac said:
So what's the normal timeline like? After three messages each, is it cool to ask to get coffee?
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As I said earlier, I've been on the site only a short while. However, I am 3/3 on girls that I have been interested in meeting up with also be interested in meeting up, so I'm going to go ahead and give some advice (for anyone having trouble with the above[ish] issue):

Believe it or not, sending a Skype name is a big move... but not near as big as asking to meet them in person. Most of the girls who bother to have a dating profile also bother to have Skype accounts.
I even could say 4/4 if you count a girl in NYC that likes to mutually masturbate on camera with me.
If the conversation is going well (3-5 messages back and forth), and you're feelin' the good vibes, send her your Skype name and see if she'd like to chat like that sometime.

I realized with the past two girls that they were relieved to find that my pictures actually matched the face they saw on Skype... apparently it's an issue.

Plus!: If things start going downhill you could always block them :)
 
R2D4 said:
I think telling her you aren't interested is meaner than not replying.
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I don't understand this thinking. I much prefer if a girl just tells me shes not interested. That doesn't hurt my feelings. It's better than being ignored or strung a long in any way.
 
Igladius said:
As I said earlier, I've been on the site only a short while. However, I am 3/3 on girls that I have been interested in meeting up with also be interested in meeting up, so I'm going to go ahead and give some advice (for anyone having trouble with the above[ish] issue):

Believe it or not, sending a Skype name is a big move... but not near as big as asking to meet them in person. Most of the girls who bother to have a dating profile also bother to have Skype accounts.
I even could say 4/4 if you count a girl in NYC that likes to mutually masturbate on camera with me.
If the conversation is going well (3-5 messages back and forth), and you're feelin' the good vibes, send her your Skype name and see if she'd like to chat like that sometime.

I realized with the past two girls that they were relieved to find that my pictures actually matched the face they saw on Skype... apparently it's an issue.

Plus!: If things start going downhill you could always block them :)
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Webcam convos freak me the hell out. I'm never comfortable on them.
 
Ignoring someone's initial message is not the same as stringing them along... no one's sitting there pining for your response, believe me. If you don't have anything nice to tell them why waste their time with a boring message, an email alert, and their iphone app notification? Leave them alone.

...and no, telling someone "I'm not interested" is not a nice thing to say. It's simply a nice WAY to tell someone a bad thing.
 
Houston3000 said:
Ignoring someone's initial message is not the same as stringing them along... no one's sitting there pining for your response, believe me. If you don't have anything nice to tell them why waste their time with a boring message, an email alert, and their iphone app notification? Leave them alone.

...and no, telling someone "I'm not interested" is not a nice thing to say. It's simply a nice WAY to tell someone a bad thing.
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Fuck that. No response is far worse than even the most scathing response possible. Responding with a 'No thank you' is a simple courtesy and should not be considering a bad thing or 'stringing someone along.' We have the word no in our language for a reason. Plus, the idea that you are wasting their time is hilarious. If they sent you a message in the first place, they are obviously willing to devote some time to you. Sending back a message that tells them that it will be no good to bother pursuing you saves them a hell of lot of time and stress in the long run.
 
Vidocq said:
Fuck that. No response is far worse than even the most scathing response possible. Responding with a 'No thank you' is a simple courtesy and should not be considering a bad thing or 'stringing someone along.' We have the word no in our language for a reason. Plus, the idea that you are wasting their time is hilarious. If they sent you a message in the first place, they are obviously willing to devote some time to you. Sending back a message that tells them that it will be no good to bother pursuing you saves them a hell of lot of time and stress in the long run.
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Disagree.

We're talking about an initial message here.There hasn't been a mutual connection yet, so there's not any connection to break if you give no response. I fully agree with you if we're talking about after a few back and forth messages that seem to go ok.

Also, now that I see that guys are posting up fake female profiles, I'm hoping all these no responses are fake accounts. :) ........... :/
 
Vidocq said:
Fuck that. No response is far worse than even the most scathing response possible. Responding with a 'No thank you' is a simple courtesy and should not be considering a bad thing or 'stringing someone along.' We have the word no in our language for a reason. Plus, the idea that you are wasting their time is hilarious. If they sent you a message in the first place, they are obviously willing to devote some time to you. Sending back a message that tells them that it will be no good to bother pursuing you saves them a hell of lot of time and stress in the long run.
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Online dating sites aren't really meant to be taken this seriously.
 
Man, POF have WAAAAAAAAAAY hotter women than okcupid. OKC was some straight up dogsville for the most part in my area. I hope POF isn't just flooded with fake accounts, surely not? I've seen at least three 10/10's so far and I've barely started looking.
 
Darklord said:
Man, POF have WAAAAAAAAAAY hotter women than okcupid. OKC was some straight up dogsville for the most part in my area. I hope POF isn't just flooded with fake accounts, surely not? I've seen at least three 10/10's so far and I've barely started looking.
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Lot of fake accounts on POF when I used it.
 
Vidocq said:
Fuck that. No response is far worse than even the most scathing response possible. Responding with a 'No thank you' is a simple courtesy and should not be considering a bad thing or 'stringing someone along.' We have the word no in our language for a reason. Plus, the idea that you are wasting their time is hilarious. If they sent you a message in the first place, they are obviously willing to devote some time to you. Sending back a message that tells them that it will be no good to bother pursuing you saves them a hell of lot of time and stress in the long run.
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No one is going be wasting their time or experiencing stress "in the long run" because you didn't message them back... if that's how you think than you are taking the whole thing way too seriously. There's no chains to break or connections to shatter, you never even introduced yourself to her or spoke to her.
 
Yea I just don't respond. I've actually never responded to a girl's message. Does that mean it says "NEVER REPLIES" next to my profile? hah.

closest I came to responding.... chick who looked pretty, but the photo was ambiguous enough that you couldn't really tell what she looked like. And her message was simply "Hey what's up?"

what am I supposed to say... "NO THANK YOU I AM NOT INTERESTED" haha.

I've also never messaged a girl and had her respond "I'm not interested." That would just be really weird. You can use OKCupid how you like, but I think it's pretty standard that if you aren't interested, you just don't respond.
 
Eh, it's not like I take things exceedingly seriously, I just don't see how any ill can come of a simple response compared to how hurtful no response can be. I don't know. I guess there is nothing I hate more than being ignored, which is probably why I don't send out first messages myself.
 
Darklord said:
Man, POF have WAAAAAAAAAAY hotter women than okcupid. OKC was some straight up dogsville for the most part in my area. I hope POF isn't just flooded with fake accounts, surely not? I've seen at least three 10/10's so far and I've barely started looking.
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Hmm, it's the exact opposite in Rochester. I deleted my account because I saw maybe one person I was interested in. Plus their profiles are all way too generic.
 
Vidocq said:
Fuck that. No response is far worse than even the most scathing response possible. Responding with a 'No thank you' is a simple courtesy and should not be considering a bad thing or 'stringing someone along.' We have the word no in our language for a reason. Plus, the idea that you are wasting their time is hilarious. If they sent you a message in the first place, they are obviously willing to devote some time to you. Sending back a message that tells them that it will be no good to bother pursuing you saves them a hell of lot of time and stress in the long run.
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I don't know. Someone I message visiting my profile and not sending a message is response enough. The only message I'd want back is one saying why she hates my guts or what have you. But a simple "No thank you" actually feels more insulting somehow.
 
After reading through a lot of this thread. I'm hoping this website is being used as an EXTENSION of ones life. Relying on it seems to be the grasping emotional aspect. It's why some people are feeling hurt from non-replies and other things that go down.
 
Sonki. said:
After reading through a lot of this thread. I'm hoping this website is being used as an EXTENSION of ones life. Relying on it seems to be the grasping emotional aspect. It's why some people are feeling hurt from non-replies and other things that go down.
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I deleted my OKCupid account today. For me talking to a girl through messages just isn't the same as going out and talking to women in real life. True, I haven't landed a date in real life or through the internet so far(in my life), but I'd rather take my chances initializing conversations with women outside. But then again I hate texting.
 
There's a girl in my area whose profile name contains "sexy anubis", and I'm drunk and about to ask if she's a furry.

(I'm gay, but I need to know.)
 
POF is the ugliest fucking site. Seems like it has a larger population though hence, more attractive people. The two sites seem to cater to two different crowds.

Agreed on the profiles as well on POF, kill me now.

"I'm the kind of girl that blah blah blah doesn't care what people think."
 
Updated my profile pic a few days ago, got a message from a girl that looks interesting but she's not really my type, physically speaking. Not ugly, just not my type. Let's see what happens after a few messages. Generally speaking, my POF profile has more activity, but the girls there are for the most part really dumb or/and generic.

Also, kinda funny how this thread slowly went from a lot of good impressions and success to frustration, fake profiles and creepy dudes asking for nude pics, lol.
 
-Eddman- said:
Also, kinda funny how this thread slowly went from a lot of good impressions and success to frustration, fake profiles and creepy dudes asking for nude pics, lol.
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Well, for what is worth, despite a couple of creepy guys, I ended up chatting with a very promising guy. We are currently looking for someone to have a threesome with.
 
I got a reply back from the girl I turned down just say "oh..........k" but honestly, I don't feel bad. I wasn't interested, I didn't ignore her and I did it nicely.

If a girl comes online after you have sent a message and hasn't replied but also hasn't viewed your profile is there still a chance? I mean, surely they'd at least see WHO sent the message....right?
 
OJdaKiller said:
"-I like fun, laughing, being outside and music. Anything else I'm an open book."

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I once had a girl message me saying we had tons in common. When I asked what we had in common she said "we both like to have fun".

As opposed to all those people out there that hate fun?
 
Internet dating... oh god. I think I have had 30 dates in total over the past 2 years. I could write a book about all the awkward, cool and crazy stuff I've experienced. Hell, I've even made good friends with two awesome girls. From my experience, 50% of the dates turned out ok (which means getting laid, short fling or even a serious relationship!). The other 50% range from boring girl to fucking awkward, stalking psycho.
 
Contacted a few people, had a few responses, they all checked my profile as well. Would be nice if you could get a response from everyone though, at least out of courtesy.

But alas! Tis not like that.
 
Darklord said:
I tried that too for a laugh. However, I barely added anything to the profile and had no pic. Forgot about it then came back just now and saw these replies.

0Drhh.jpg

jQGxP.jpg

o3LCc.jpg

N3RBd.jpg


Face mask? WTF?
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Holy shit hahahahah I may have to do this just for the laughs.
 
Darklord, you've already lost.

The moment you label someone 10/10 is the moment you say they are something special. Girls can be hot, but fuck the HB-scale. It's a minor thing, but significant enough to warrant some reflection. If you see someone that's hot and you think "finally someone that's worth my time", that's better than "OH MAN, SHE'S A 10/10 - I HAVE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HER" and then putting a lot of effort into one measly message and play the waiting game.

Trying too hard is the number one thing to chase girls. If this was the one I helped you with the message for, I might've revised the whole thing to "Hey. If you're bored with all of these sleeze-bags drooling over your profile, you know where to find me."

Girls like that can just see the message and be like "nope. Too long". But I don't normally consider such girls worth my time, so to me, it's the best possible filter. If that girl can't read your message and even acknowledge it, she's not worth the effort, because even if she did reply, you'd be catering to her forever, especially seen in the light of such a phrase like "I landed a perfect 10!" - and I bet you she'd be on the wrong side of the Vicky Mendoza diagnoal.
 
Septimius said:
Darklord, you've already lost.
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sorry darklord, but i have to agree with this. it seems like your expectations aren't going to make okcupid too useful for you.

i empathize and agree that it sucks when you take the time to send a thoughtful message to someone who seems like a decent match...but you're just setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment expecting replies. from your point of view, it seems easier and more decent/courteous to send a "sorry, not interested" kind of reply.

however, the woman may think that's too harsh to reply like that...or maybe she has issues saying no so she just ignores it...or maybe she's already in touch with other people and trying to focus on those relationships...or maybe she gets dozens of messages a day and has a busy life so she can't answer them all...or maybe she's really a bitch and her profile is mostly fluff...

there's a lot of possible reasons why; some may be legit, some may be crap...you can't know and can't control it so worrying about it is only going to drag yourself down.
 
Septimius said:
Darklord, you've already lost.

The moment you label someone 10/10 is the moment you say they are something special. Girls can be hot, but fuck the HB-scale. It's a minor thing, but significant enough to warrant some reflection. If you see someone that's hot and you think "finally someone that's worth my time", that's better than "OH MAN, SHE'S A 10/10 - I HAVE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HER" and then putting a lot of effort into one measly message and play the waiting game.

Trying too hard is the number one thing to chase girls. If this was the one I helped you with the message for, I might've revised the whole thing to "Hey. If you're bored with all of these sleeze-bags drooling over your profile, you know where to find me."

Girls like that can just see the message and be like "nope. Too long". But I don't normally consider such girls worth my time, so to me, it's the best possible filter. If that girl can't read your message and even acknowledge it, she's not worth the effort, because even if she did reply, you'd be catering to her forever, especially seen in the light of such a phrase like "I landed a perfect 10!" - and I bet you she'd be on the wrong side of the Vicky Mendoza diagnoal.
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I didn't just send one message and waited. And considering they get 1000 "Hey, how are you?" or similar messages, why even bother? I'm not Brad Pitt, I'm just another no body to them sending the same message they always get to the point where they get angry about in their profiles. I normally make them 2 or 3 paragraphs. "Hey how are you, blah blah blah, oh you like X? Cool blah blah blah, message me". Also, the couple I was referring to actually had in their profile they wanted proper semi-intelligent messages and no "hi, whats up?" ones.

I'm not in the mind set of "wow a 10! omg I got a message". What I meant was they were the best suited for me that I had found. Not some school boy crush I'd be tripping over. I wouldn't cater to them like I'm whipped. I actually was more curious if it was a common thing to just skip messages totally or if they just might not have read them yet.

kamikaze said:
sorry darklord, but i have to agree with this. it seems like your expectations aren't going to make okcupid too useful for you.

i empathize and agree that it sucks when you take the time to send a thoughtful message to someone who seems like a decent match...but you're just setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment expecting replies. from your point of view, it seems easier and more decent/courteous to send a "sorry, not interested" kind of reply.

however, the woman may think that's too harsh to reply like that...or maybe she has issues saying no so she just ignores it...or maybe she's already in touch with other people and trying to focus on those relationships...or maybe she gets dozens of messages a day and has a busy life so she can't answer them all...or maybe she's really a bitch and her profile is mostly fluff...

there's a lot of possible reasons why; some may be legit, some may be crap...you can't know and can't control it so worrying about it is only going to drag yourself down.
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I know this. But what I meant was I thought they'd at least visit a profile before moving on. I don't expect a reply from every message, that's obvious but even if I got 500 a day I'd check the profiles to see if it was worth replying too, you know?
 
95% of the girls on those websites are not looking for a relationship. Some want to have their ego's boosted, others seek a fuckbuddy and most are on it to quench their boredom. Don't use internet dating to get a long-lasting relationships. It happens, but that's rare or you have to lower your standards.
 
I'm not after a long lasting relationship. Not really sure where people get this idea I want some long relationship with a girl and I've already lost because I semi-personalize my messages. 10/10 to me means the best finds I've seen so far for me personally, nothing more. I've sent a couple messages since that girl anyway and I'm going on a date this Saturday with another.
 
.GqueB. said:
Webcam convos freak me the hell out. I'm never comfortable on them.
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very understandable, bc its usually extremely awkward at first. But I will say this part again: for some reason the (at least the ones who get a lot of messages) girls will be relieved to find you are who you say you are online.

its apparently a big problem w/ dudes (and I've found some chicks too) end up not looking a damn thing like their pictures on there.
 
Lucario said:
There's a girl in my area whose profile name contains "sexy anubis", and I'm drunk and about to ask if she's a furry.

(I'm gay, but I need to know.)
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ok... I need an update on this one. Did you ask: "Are you furry?"

I want to hear this chick's response.
 
So I met someone on OKC, and she became my first girlfriend. 5 months later, we've broken up. It was fun while it lasted, and I think I've learned a lot. Here's my story:

It all started back in October when she replied to my message on OKC, asking me to fix her computer. I thought it was out of left field, but I complied.

I went over to her apartment late October. The computer thing was a great way to break the ice. I was very cautious about meeting someone online, and I noticed a couple negative things about her, but no dealbreakers. She was nice, not an oddball, and fun, and she asked if we could hang out in the future, so I was happy about that.

After we hung out again, we had a weird conversation over instant message, starting from when she asked if I was a virgin, and if I wanted to practice with her. That weirded me out a lot, but things took an interesting turn when I wrote that she was pretty. She became emotional because neither of her two past boyfriends has called her pretty. Her opening up to me made me feel a little closer to her. We became a couple shortly after.

The relationship was fun, but we had little in common, and I often "forgot" I had a girlfriend. I usually went to her place in secret when her parents were out, but her mother came home early one day and caught me there, leading to a very awkward conversation. My gf admitted to me that her parents don't like black people and were sort of the "strict Asian" type (i.e. pretty controlling, odd for a 22 year old), so she rarely gets to go out and see friends, which is why she was on OKC in the first place.

For a month, we rarely saw each other, as she made weak excuses to not see me, and I didn't care too much. Added to my (lack of) feelings was the pressure of not wanting to ruin her life by potentially having her father see us together.

Last Sunday, we hung out. I asked her to meet my mother, and she said "Wait a month. I need to think." 10 minutes of prodding later, I got her to spit out that she'd rather go back to the way we were (i.e. break up), and I said "Okay," much to her surprise. She spilled out that she was lately trying to avoid hanging out with me, fearing her mother.


So... What did I learn?
Breaking the ice is as easy as finding a reason to go over to their house (e.g. fixing a computer). Girls like compliments, especially if you hit the right one. If you can get her to open up and feel comfortable around you quickly, then her interest will likely go up. Getting her to talk about a place with many memories (e.g. High school) helps with that. If you're unsure about where to go, then going to a place she's familiar with will allow her to share memories and be less likely for her to be bored.
 
I can't get anybody to even reply to me on Okcupid , I try to start a 2 sentence conversation instead of a simple "Hi" and I never get nothing back. Its really hurting my confidence when i still fail even on the internet.
 
Zee-Row said:
I can't get anybody to even reply to me on Okcupid , I try to start a 2 sentence conversation instead of a simple "Hi" and I never get nothing back. Its really hurting my confidence when i still fail even on the internet.
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I'm not saying this is the way to go, but I usually start with saying that they're interesting, and explaining why. This leads me to talk about something on their profile. If I can't think of anything on their profile that interests me, then that means the person's probably not someone I should be messaging.

I get a reply... maybe 1/4-1/6 of the time? I don't know. But I never felt like there was a lack of people replying to me.
 
Zee-Row said:
I can't get anybody to even reply to me on Okcupid , I try to start a 2 sentence conversation instead of a simple "Hi" and I never get nothing back. Its really hurting my confidence when i still fail even on the internet.
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For the brief amount of time that I was on OKC it seems like asking a girl a question about herself is the way to go.

"Are you really into such and such?"
"When you say you're blah-blah how blah-blah-blah are you really?"

Remember, most people love to talk about themselves.
 
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