Alright, so I think I've got a team figured out. This is based off of a post on the Facebook group, so I can't take much credit for it, but I did tweak it a little and run it through my calculator to verify that it works. Before it required some luck with orbs, but this is a little more consistent.
Here Is The Team
Cooldown Requirements:
Mihawk (both): 18 Turns
Brook: 19 Turns
Stage 1: Stall 2 Turns - No damage
Stage 2: Stall 6-7 Turns - Take 1 hit from the Lobster (2,652 damage). The Lobster only has 18 HP (5 Turns with 4 combo), so make sure you spread some of the hits to the Turtles.
Stage 3: Stall 2 Turns - No damage
Stage 4: Stall 2 Turns - No damage. Go Mihawk > Brook (1st Elder Dead) > Mihawk (2nd Elder Dead) > Lucci (Red Minion Dead) > Mr. 1 (Green Minion Dead) > Zoro (Blue Minion Dead). Although the Elder seahorses have 8HP, we can still kill the second one, as long as we hit all three perfects, because we'll have the damage to overcome its Defense.
Total Turns: 12-13 (we will assume 12)
Blackbeard:
Turn 1: 201,778
Turn 2: 201,778
....
....
Turn 6: 201,778 - Note, this is an important Turn. If you did 201,778 every turn, then Blackbeard will be sitting at 53% HP after this attack, which means we won't get silenced. If you have gotten matching orbs at any point during the past few turns, then you may want to intentionally get a Great hit at some point here, just so you don't go past the 50% mark.
Turn 7: 201,778 + Both Mihawk Specials
Turn 8: 252,222 = Mr. 1 AND Brook specials
Turn 9: 32,272
Turn 10: 201,778 - Feel free to use any burst specials you have at this point (Zoro/Lucci).
And there you have it. The big downsides to this team are the level requirements, and the precision in hitting Perfects that is required. This last part can easily be remedied by a few key matching orbs, but it could also go the other way with some non-matching orbs. Thankfully, I've assumed that Lucci gets locked instead of Zoro. If Zoro gets locked, then we will do more damage each turn and will do about 45k more damage at the end with Lucci's special, which relaxes the requirements a bit.
I know it's not perfect, but I feel like it's one of the first teams where we have pretty solid proof that it actually works. Feel free to prove me wrong (no really, please), but I feel pretty good about it.
Now to farm a crap ton of QCK turtles tonight...