You can reverse that sentiment as well. An individual wishing to recline to gain more comfort should not do so out of consideration and instead sit in a state of discomfort?
Isn't that the same as the person in the back putting the cost of his comfort on the recliner?
Reality is that both passengers paid for a certain amount of space allowed. When you pay for that ticket, you are paying for the space that you occupy. You have a certain allotment of space under the seat, a certain allotment in the overheads, and a certain allotment in your luggage (and of course, if you have more luggage, you pay for it). As both passengers have paid a fare for their use of the space on the aircraft, it is absurd to say that because one individual happens to anatomically fill more of that volume of space, another individual should give up his or her right to use the space that has been paid for.
By virtue of the fact that the seat reclines, the passenger reclining has a right to that space as part of the fare paid. To ask the recliner to not recline is to ask the passenger to surrender some of the rights for which he or she has paid. Why should that be the case?
If a larger individual -- by either height or girth -- requires more space to be comfortable, the onus is on the individual to pay for more space and not on the other passengers, who have paid their fare, to accommodate the needs of those individuals who fall outside of mean in terms of the volume of space they require to be comfortable.
* Disclaimer: I am in the no-recline camp. I never recline but I don't have any hard feelings for those that do
This would be all well and good if the amount of space, given a reclined person in front of you, were reasonable. Yes, it is absolutely the airline's fault that they allow people to recline in ways that are dangerous to the person or objects behind them, but that means little when you're tens of thousands of feet in the air and you just want to eat/not splay your legs into your neighbour/damage your knees/be able to watch a video without the person in front of you shattering your laptop screen/etc.
At any rate, this argument doesn't wash. The only way it works is if either everyone or no one reclines (which is impossible as the back seats usually can't). If you do/can recline and the person behind you does/can not, you have subtracted from the space they paid for (since the default is up). You have taken space they paid for from them. And again, the fact that it was the airline that put you in this position is irrelevant to the immediate situation.
Unfortunately, this is a situation where it *is* zero sum. Your actions have consequences to your neighbour that are beyond their control. Thus, as with most things where this is the case, it is reasonable to expect you to ask them if it's ok before doing it, and not passively aggressively shoving into their space and daring them to challenge you on it.
And I'd reverse the paying extra, otherwise you're just still asking someone else to bear the cost of your choice in another way (with money). And it can be a *lot* of money. If you want to recline with no consequences, get business class or just choose a seat in front of one of the "Extra Space Economy" seats. You don't even get charged extra for that last option, btw.
The only reason I can think of to not ask (if we're assuming, as seems to be the case for the pro-reclining folks, that talking to people about confrontational things is super easy) is because you're literally afraid they'll say no. Otherwise, if it's so reasonable and everyone's ok with it by default, what's the harm in asking?