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[Wendo]

I'm a 21 year old virgin.

Which begs me to ask...

...why does saying this so often require a swallowing of pride?

Why is it so "pathetic" to be 21, and to never have had sex? It caries such a heavy stigma, as if every male virgin at that age is fat, ugly, smelly, and cannot attract a girl to save his life. And it's not just guys that think it's "pathetic"; there are plenty of girls who find it quite odd rather than "cute".

I have almost graduated from college, yet have remained completely drug free, alcohol free, tobacco free, and sex free - and this is seemingly quite rare. Adults would always tell you to stay away from drugs, "non-meaningful, non-lasting-relationship sex", alcohol, and tobacco; but seemingly I'm one of the few that have gone so long in avoiding them. Not that I have a problem with any of those things- but I've just skipped them.

And you know, I'm totally cool with the fact that people have sex at a young age. I think that it's the way our bodies are designed, and it's unnatural to tell young people to wait until their 20's to have sex. I think it's hilarious that we're pushing young people to "wait", while we're pushing Viagra to guys in their 80's.

But for me personally, I haven't really found a girl that I've had a meaningful relationship with. I've had opportunities for a quick fling with random chicks at parties and such, but have turned them down. I guess I'm more of an old-fashioned romantic. And, in truth, I don't really posess much of a sex drive- it is seemingly diminishing as I grow older.

At this stage in my life, I am starting to question where I'm at in comparison to "the norm". People I went to high school with already have kids and houses and the like. Something like over 85% of people my age have already had sex. And so on.

The topic of male viriginity is somewhat taboo- not something a lot of guys talk about. So I'm interested in hearing some of your thoughts on the subject.

 

[Raxel]

.

 

[Alucard]

No worries. It took me 'til my present age of 23.

 

[shuri]

There's more to life than sex. And it's better to lose it with someone you really care about than some random girl in a party.

edit: lol at the Big Beautiful Women dating site in the banner.

 

[evil ways]

I don't think there should be a stigma for being a virgin by choice, either by religious or moral reasons, but when it's someone who's eager and trying so hard to get laid then that's a bit sad.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

No worries. It took me 'til my present age of 23.

wait Alucard got laid?

 

[6.8]

No worries. It took me 'til my present age of 23.

Congrats.

 

[pnjtony]

yeah, I do think the stigma occurs when it's virginity that's not by choice. If a dude is trying and not making any headway, then it's just sad. I felt wierd that it took me till 18. I was quite the odd duck and not too much better these days.

 

[AssMan]

 

[SlickWilly223]

Unless you choose not to be a virgin, then yes, you should be ashamed.

Basically, from ages 16-21 there are unnumerable chances to get laid. If you pass them all up or if your just not a part of these situations, you should rethink your strategy.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

well the more you think about getting laid the less chances you will.

Just be normal. Dont try so hard. If you honestly have that image, girls can sense desperation. Just have a "who gives a fuck" attitude and you will be fine.

 

[Diablos]

wait Alucard got laid?

Oh my god :lol :lol :lol :lol

 

[Diomedeskun]

There's nothing wrong with being a 21 year old virgin. People who assess value by drunken, self-serving, sexual encounters are seriously lacking in their lives.

Sex is the ultimate giving of self. There is nothing more intimate or personal that you can give anyone, so don't make it something meaningless that you use just to feel better about yourself for a short time.

 

[Diablos]

Yeah, chill. I'm a 21 year old virgin and I don't really care. Keep whackin', son. It's the only way.

 

[brooklyngooner]

I'll never understand the drama.

 

[Zelda-Bitch]

I didn't read the whole post but damn, no sex at 21?~~! You screwed up BIG TIME! :lol

 

[Doth Togo]

I'm a 21 year old virgin.

Which begs me to ask...

...why does saying this so often require a swallowing of pride?

Why is it so "pathetic" to be 21, and to never have had sex? It caries such a heavy stigma, as if every male virgin at that age is fat, ugly, smelly, and cannot attract a girl to save his life. And it's not just guys that think it's "pathetic"; there are plenty of girls who find it quite odd rather than "cute".

I have almost graduated from college, yet have remained completely drug free, alcohol free, tobacco free, and sex free - and this is seemingly quite rare. Adults would always tell you to stay away from drugs, "non-meaningful, non-lasting-relationship sex", alcohol, and tobacco; but seemingly I'm one of the few that have gone so long in avoiding them. Not that I have a problem with any of those things- but I've just skipped them.

And you know, I'm totally cool with the fact that people have sex at a young age. I think that it's the way our bodies are designed, and it's unnatural to tell young people to wait until their 20's to have sex. I think it's hilarious that we're pushing young people to "wait", while we're pushing Viagra to guys in their 80's.

But for me personally, I haven't really found a girl that I've had a meaningful relationship with. I've had opportunities for a quick fling with random chicks at parties and such, but have turned them down. I guess I'm more of an old-fashioned romantic. And, in truth, I don't really posess much of a sex drive- it is seemingly diminishing as I grow older.

At this stage in my life, I am starting to question where I'm at in comparison to "the norm". People I went to high school with already have kids and houses and the like. Something like over 85% of people my age have already had sex. And so on.

The topic of male viriginity is somewhat taboo- not something a lot of guys talk about. So I'm interested in hearing some of your thoughts on the subject.

I hear your pain. The key is to think big and act big and you'll be fine. Don't go crying your problems to any stranger. You get a reputation and that can sometimes not act in your favor.

 

[Jotaro]

The Smiths - Reel around the fountain

 

[ToxicAdam]

I have noqualms with the choices that others make. But i will say this.


By abstaining from sex during these years, you are missing out on the greatest sexual experiences/encounters you will ever have in your life. If that is something that doesn't really appeal to you, then keep on your path.

The average male hits his "sexual peak" during the years of 18-21 .... so in a sense, you ARE missing out. Also, one thing to consider. Alot of quality wives/mates are sexually active. They may take a pass on you for being a virgin (either they want someone that is good in bed, or they don't want the hassle of "breaking someone in"). So you could miss out on an awesome woman because of your virginity.


Having sex for the first time is such a nerve wrecking experience (Staying erect, using a condom, lasting "long enough", getting it up again) that I would advise to get it over with as soon as possible ... I would think that holding out would only increase the anxiety.

Also, I think the longer you wait to "lose it", the greater risk you are of becoming "asexual" (sex doesn't interest you) ... which could complicate matters when you get married. I had a friend from high school who didn't lose his virginity until he was 23 (out of college), and only had sex a few times after that... he remains uninterested. My friends and I all think he is (closeted) gay .. but who knows?

 

[Boogie]

I didn't read the whole post but damn, no sex at 21?~~! You screwed up BIG TIME! :lol

stfu bitch.


Anyway, I don't care that much about being a virgin, it's the lack of dating experience in general that bothers me and makes me insecure.

 

[Boogie]

The average male hits his "sexual peak" during the years of 18-21 .... so in a sense, you ARE missing out. Also, one thing to consider. Alot of quality wives/mates are sexually active. They may take a pass on you for being a virgin (either they want someone that is good in bed, or they don't want the hassle of "breaking someone in"). So you could miss out on an awesome woman because of your virginity.

In my opinion, she's not a very awesome woman if she's going to pass me over just because I'm inexperienced.

 

[Shawn]

i'll be 30 this summer and i'm a virgin. never had any kind of intimate activity with a women -- not even kissing. i've been struggling since about late-2001 (joined a dating service) to make something happen... but nothing has happened. since that time i've read numerous articles, advice (some from friends), etc. on seduction techniques, but nothing has changed. it's a real f*cking pisser, and i know it's the number one reason why i feel depressed and tense (varying degrees) nearly all the time.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

I have noqualms with the choices that others make. But i will say this.


By abstaining from sex during these years, you are missing out on the greatest sexual experiences/encounters you will ever have in your life. If that is something that doesn't really appeal to you, then keep on your path.

The average male hits his "sexual peak" during the years of 18-21 .... so in a sense, you ARE missing out. Also, one thing to consider. Alot of quality wives/mates are sexually active. They may take a pass on you for being a virgin (either they want someone that is good in bed, or they don't want the hassle of "breaking someone in"). So you could miss out on an awesome woman because of your virginity.


Having sex for the first time is such a nerve wrecking experience (Staying erect, using a condom, lasting "long enough", getting it up again) that I would advise to get it over with as soon as possible ... I would think that holding out would only increase the anxiety.

how old are you like 45?


anyways sex is different for everybody. Dont sweat it , it will happens when it happens.

 

[Future]

Not a big deal, but a lot of women expect you to have that experience later on. Women want men experienced so they can give them what they want, and men want women inexperienced so they aren't compared to anyone else .

It sounds cool cuz it doesn't look like you are trying to hit every girl in sight. But Toxic's got a point. Nows the time to do all that freaky shit, and it's never gonna be that easy to do again. Dorm = breeding ground.

 

[ToxicAdam]

In my opinion, she's not a very awesome woman if she's going to pass me over just because I'm inexperienced.

Well, if you want to take that chance .. then go ahead. The "awesome" girl could be one with a Masters degree, a good career, a good family and self-confidence ... but you are happy with the high school drop-out with low self-esteem that doesn't think your virginity is a burden.

I'm just saying that you are limiting your options with potential women by remaining a virgin. No woman wants to be with a klutz in bed, and most don't have the patience to wait around while you "catch up".


Kabuki: ..and by the way, I am 30. I'm not sure why my age matters in this discussion.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

Kabuki: ..and by the way, I am 30. I'm not sure why my age matters in this discussion.

"By abstaining from sex during these years, you are missing out on the greatest sexual experiences/encounters you will ever have in your life."

 

[Boogie]

Well, if you want to take that chance .. then go ahead. The "awesome" girl could be one with a Masters degree, a good career, a good family and self-confidence ... but you are happy with the high school drop-out with low self-esteem that doesn't think your virginity is a burden.

I'm just saying that you are limiting your options with potential women by remaining a virgin. No woman wants to be with a klutz in bed, and most don't have the patience to wait around while you "catch up".

So any woman who would be able to look past the fact that I'm a virgin and actually give a damn about me is going to fall into this "loser" category you've described? I mean, where the hell did this dichotomy come from? Straight outta your ass, that's where.

Or how about this: I'd rather try to lose my virginity with someone I have a significant relationship with and who will be less critical of my lack of experience, than have my first time be some one-night stand or fling just to lose my virginity for its own sake, which will likely only serve to increase any performance anxiety, rather than decrease it.

 

[Richiban]

These would be great assumptions to make if sex was the same EVERY TIME, but sex is a different ball game everytime you let the beast out of the pants. Being a virgin or not changes nothing about that. What worked for one woman may not work for another, so experience doesn't prove a thing.

Keep on rockin' in the V-world, because when you get into a relationship with someone, you'll be shagging so much that any anxiety you had will dissipate as you fornicate.

 

[Zelda-Bitch]

stfu bitch.

Sure. While I'm making sex! oh yeah!
:lol

 

[Boogie]

Sure. While I'm making sex! oh yeah!
:lol

Oh my, you seem to have pwnzored me, go you.

 

[Zelda-Bitch]

I ....

=_(

 

[Boogie]

I think there's some relationship thread "Godwin's law" at work here. As an online discussion about relationships or sex grows larger, the probability that someone will refute another's post with "well, at least I can get sex" approaches one.

 

[ToxicAdam]

So any woman who would be able to look past the fact that I'm a virgin and actually give a damn about me is going to fall into this "loser" category you've described? I mean, where the hell did this dichotomy come from? Straight outta your ass, that's where.

Or how about this: I'd rather try to lose my virginity with someone I have a significant relationship with and who will be less critical of my lack of experience, than have my first time be some one-night stand or fling just to lose my virginity for its own sake, which will likely only serve to increase any performance anxiety, rather than decrease it.

I gave a hypothetical example. Of course that self described awesome girl could be attracted to your virginity, but the odds are against it. Since the majority of women are averse to virgins, not ATTRACTED to.

I was merely advising that if you want to be "attractive" to the widest variety of potential women ... losing your virginity is in your best interest. If you are happy with finding someone as long as they "accept you for who you are" ... then go for it.

As others have said .. sexual experiences are so vastly different, it is hard to give absolute answers. Just because you screwed 100 times (you were selfish and clumsy each time), doesn't mean you are "better" than the virgin. In fact, you would probably be worse off.

 

[Tuvoc]

I have almost graduated from college, yet have remained completely drug free, alcohol free.

Hate to say it but there's your problem.

It's friday. Tonight go out, get drunk, and fuck something!

 

[Boogie]

No, you gave a poor hypothetical example

As others have said .. sexual experiences are so vastly different, it is hard to give absolute answers. Just because you screwed 100 times (you were selfish and clumsy each time), doesn't mean you are "better" than the virgin. In fact, you would probably be worse off.

Umm, then why were you going on about being a virgin being such a roadblock anyway?

 

[MrAngryFace]

This topic is fucking stupid. Listen, if youre so secure about something you probably dont go starting topics about it.

 

[Zelda-Bitch]

This topic is fucking stupid. Listen, if youre so secure about something you probably dont go starting topics about it.

Oh Snap!

 

[Kabuki Waq]

:lol

 

[ElyrionX]

I can imagine being a virgin at 21. It's also not too hard to imagine someone being drug-free and tobacco-free at 21. What I simply can't fathom is being alcohol-free at 21. Apart from people who are allergic to alcohol, I don't know of a single person who remains alcohol-free at 21. And I do know of plenty of 21-year-old virgins.....

 

[MrAngryFace]

if you havent caved into booze by 20, your life must be easy.

 

[Hollywood]

I'm guessing using words like Quandry won't help your cause.

 

[MrAngryFace]

haha

 

[MoxManiac]

I'll be 22 next month, and i'm still there. In my defense I never really made any effort, though. Anyways, I'm going to agree with boogie, if it's a factor that makes it a dealbreaker for a potential mate, that's their problem, not mine.

 

[demon]

Hate to say it but there's your problem.

It's friday. Tonight go out, get drunk, and fuck something!

I've never understand this 3-step plan. I've gone out and gotten drunk plenty of times, and I still haven't gotten any. Where do these girls magically appear from once you're drunk?

No worries. It took me 'til my present age of 23.

So it's not impossible at the ripe old age of 23....hmm.....

 

[MrAngryFace]

Actually I think getting drunk sex involves hanging with a certain crowd.

 

[All Hail C-Webb]

If you have any performance anxiety, go and find a hooker. Tell her it's your first time, and that you want her to train you. It might cost you some money, and dignity (with someone you will never see again), but it will help you out so much in the long run.

Losing your virginity to someone you're in a long term relationship with really isn't the best idea if you want to make it last. There is always the possibility that the girl will be turned off by it, she will not feel comfortable teaching you, or you just won't please her. Also if you ever get into a fight/argument, there is the possibility that she will throw it back in your face, it's just another problem that you don't want to deal with.

As Nike says: Just do it

 

[Dilbert]

I've never understand this 3-step plan. I've gone out and gotten drunk plenty of times, and I still haven't gotten any. Where do these girls magically appear from once you're drunk?

If memory serves, she was pouring you the drinks and talking about how her boyfriend wasn't ringing her doorbell, nudge nudge wink wink.

 

[All Hail C-Webb]

Anyways, I'm going to agree with boogie, if it's a factor that makes it a dealbreaker for a potential mate, that's their problem, not mine.

The only reason you say this is because you're a virgin (not that there's anythign wrong with that). Sex is a pretty important part of a relationship. Even if the girl accepts that you're a virgin, the sex will likely never be as good as if you have had a previous experience. As time goes on, you are also going to start questioning what it is like to have sex with someone else (it will happen doesn't matter how much you love the person you are with), and that is going to make your life less fun.
The odds of a relationship lasting between a male virgin, and an experienced female are alot lower than you might be willing to believe.

 

[demon]

If memory serves, she was pouring you the drinks and talking about how her boyfriend wasn't ringing her doorbell, nudge nudge wink wink.

Oh shutup.

 

[MoxManiac]

Perhaps, but that's life. We'll see what happens.