Official Stream
Thursday, February 25
8:30 PM EST
Final Destination, Texas
Background Music
MODERATORS
Sandbag
Wolf Blitzer
wants to be smacked around
Randall the Cloud
Hugh Hewitt
don't expect him to save you
Homerun Bat
Maria Celeste Arraras
swing and a mess
Fighting Wire Frame
Dana Bash
repurposed by programmers
FREE FOR ALL
Jigglypuff
Ben Carson
needs his rest - made sure item switch had hammers on
Fox
Marco Rubio
flubbed his time to shine - try again in 20XX
Captain Falcon
Donald Trump
blew a three stock lead - wanted it to end in sudden death
Falco
Ted Cruz
cocky R-Winger - obnoxious to play against
Marth
John Kasich
looking for tips - establishment says "no Johns"
TRAINING DUMMIES
Pichu
Rick Perry
joke candidate - hurts himself when he opens his mouth
Pikachu
Scott Walker
disappointed his Pokemon master - used quick attack and fell off stage
Kirby
Lindsey Graham
lives in Dream Land - he sucks
Roy
Bobby Jindal
scrubs think he's the best - spams counter to deflect compliments
Mewtwo
George Pataki
finally unlocked his podium slot - memory card corrupted
Link
Mike Huckabee
spin attacks became predictable - even his boomerang ditched him
Young Link
Rick Santorum
needs to grow up - huge Cassandra complex
Ness
Rand Paul
hippie basher - kept calling his dad to save his campaign
Samus
Carly Fiorina
empty suit - learning how to L cancel
Ganondorf
Chris Christie
inferior Trump clone - slow running speed
Mr. Game and Watch
Jim Gilmore
campaigned in another dimension - presidential run was on his bucket list
Zelda
Jeb Bush
acts like royalty - forgot to press Down B
YOU MUST RECOVER
COIN BATTLE
Bowser
Hillary Clinton
bumbled delegate kidnapping
Donkey Kong
Bernie Sanders
wants to turn America into a banana republic
TROPHY HOARD
Peach
Joe Biden
heir to the throne
Yoshi
Jim Webb
suspected cannibal
Mario
Martin O'Malley
union thug
Luigi
Lincoln Chafee
Mr. L
Dr. Mario
Lawrence Lessig
had a prescription for America's ills
ALL-STAR
Ice Climbers
Barack and Michelle Obama
better together - fans wanted a third term
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