Here's a complete transcript from this week's Smackdown! (Courtesy of jevman from the Wrestlecrap boards):
*Start Smackdown*
Cole: And welcome to Smackdown boys and girls! Tonight the feud between Eddie Guerrero and Ray Mysterio comes to an end!
Tazz: That’s right Cole, plus we’ve got another Guerrero, Chavo, going against Paul London for the cruiserweight title!
Cole: The fans are pumped up Tazz! This ovation is rocking the building!
Tazz: That’s right Cole I can barely hear myself talk!
*Crowd Cheers*
*Randy Orton Entrance Music*
*Crickets*
Orton: Last week, I came out here, and I made an impact! Can we show that impact on replay please?
*Replay*
Cole: As you can see here come Randy and then the RKO on the undertaker.
*Replay*
Tazz: On this angle you can see that Randy does the same thing in the other angle.
*Replay*
Cole: But we can slow it down, look at how much more devastating the RKO looks at half speed.
*Replay*
Tazz: How about half speed and from another angle?
*Replay*
Cole: From the blimp cam!
*Replay*
Tazz: Now let’s show the same replay 15 times in a row, incase the audience didn’t see it the first 14 times!
Orton: Now, as some of you may know, I am the “Legend Killer”. I became the “Legend Killer” because of some of my victories over the biggest wrestling champions in our business! I recall one, over what many have stated as the greatest wrestler of our generation, a champion among champions, perhaps you’ve heard, of the Fabulous Moola?
*Lights flicker*
*replay*
*replay*
*replay*
Cole: OMG! On the screen! It’s the Deadman! He’s, he’s showing a replay from Wrestlemania! You can tell because in the corner there’s Wrestlemania logo along with “Property of the WWE”.
Tazz: A lesson to us all Cole, even Deadmen need to abide by copyright laws.
Cole: And again Tazz! It’s just playing over and over! As if we have to fill a lot of time and we don’t want to do it with matches!
Tazz: Every week we could just show replays of other past Smackdowns! Its genius Cole!
Cole: Oh my god! The Undertaker is in the ring! Randy Orton is running scared.
Orton: No! We’re not doing this on your terms ‘Taker! We did it on your terms last time! Remember! When you challenged me to a 1-1 match at Wrestlemania, because you wanted to make a name for yourself! Not this time though! This time I set the rules!
Undertaker: Death waits for no one!
*Lightning Strike*
Cole: Oh my god Tazz can you believe it!?!?
Tazz: Honestly I can’t! I mean the guy comes out, says one line, makes like $100,000 and is so over on the fans it’s unbelievable! I had to break my neck just to get over, literally!
*M’n’M entrance*
Cole: Well, your jealousy aside, here comes M’n’M in a 1 on 1 match.
Tazz: I wonder if they dry clean those belts after they wear them like that.
Cole: And here’s Melina, getting into the ring, you know, I’m almost starting to like seeing a hot woman do a split! Almost!
*Hei-den-Hei-den-reich*
Tazz: In case you forgot what happened last week, we have a replay of it!
*replay*
Cole: Heidenreich vs. Mercury here.
Tazz: Man look at Melina, she looks like a hot, intense, cheerleader.
Cole: Speaking of hot, intense, cheerleaders, Eddie vs. Mysterio is later tonight!
Tazz: Oh look, here comes Michelle McCool!! She wants a piece of Melina!
Cole: The ref is distracted! Because as we all know it’s his job to mediate any disagreement between any two parties outside the ring!
Tazz: Nitro is coming into the ring! Oh the big boot to Heidenreich! The ref doesn’t see him!
Cole: Now he’s dancing! Wait, he’s getting a guitar! He’s singing a song! Now he’s lighting off fireworks! Damnit ref, just turn around! No! He’s out of the ring now! Damnit! 1-2-3, it’s over! This is an atrocity! But not such a big one that I can’t immediately turn my attention too an interview we did earlier with Ray Ray.
*Interview*
Ray: Last week, I mean, Eddie had just, had gone too far. I picked up that chair. It felt so good in my hands….
Det. Lennie Briscoe: What did you do then Ray? You hit him didn’t you? You hit him again and again?
Ray: I couldn’t help it, it felt so good, I got carried away, and then…
Det. Lennie Briscoe : Tell us Ray!!!!
Ray: I just, I blacked out, and then when I came too, I was standing over him, and there was blood all over the place….. he had it coming…. he had it coming….
*Backstage*
Mercury: Ya, we’re awesome!
Nitro: Man we’re cool, check out these shades that I ripped off some 85 year old grandma!
Mercury: Those are awesome!
Melina: Who does she think she is?! Next week, I’m challenging Michelle McCool to a match! Then afterwards, when I break McCool’s face, we’re gonna go out to McDonalds, and I’m gonna get some McNuggets, with some McSauce!
*Still Backstage*
JBL: Theodore I deserve to be the new “Smackdown Champion”!
Teddy: Don’t worry JBL, its ‘Everyone gets a title’ month here at the WWE. Maybe you won’t get the ‘Smackdown Championship’ title. But soon I’ll great a ‘Smackdown Intercontinental Title’ and a ‘Smackdown US Title’
JBL: We already have US Title!
Teddy: Not with the word Smackdown in front of it we don’t! Every match every week will be for a title! Hell, tonight’s Guerrero vs. Mysterio match, its gonna be for the “World Grudge Match” Title! You feel’in me playa!?
*Ooooh Chavo*
Tazz: A match Cole!
Cole: That’s right, we still have these don’t we?
*Ultimate London*
Cole: Here we go Tazz, great cruiserweight action you can only see on Smackdown!
Tazz: That’s right Cole, we at Smackdown are so proud of our strong Cruiserweight division! These matches are what defines Smackdown from the rest of…
*INTERUPTED*
Cole: WHATS THIS?! WHATS COMING OUT!? WHAT POSSIBLY RIDICULOUS STORYLINE COULD WE COME UP WITH THIS TIME!
Tazz: Its Mexicans on a Lawnmower Cole!
Guinness Guys: Three Mexicans on a riding lawnmower! BRILLIANT!
Mexicools: We’re tired of you all degrading Mexicans!
*Mexicools beat up Chavo Guerrero… a nice Irish boy*
Mexicools: We’re gonna conquer everything! We’re gonna rule America, then the World, then the Galaxy! Then the biggest prize of them all, the Cruiserweight title!
*Mexicools leave*
*JBL Enters*
JBL: Whether you’re a Catholic, Muslim, Protestant, Jew, Presbyterian, or a Bisexual…
Cole: Being Bi isn’t a religion…
Tazz: You would know.
JBL: … whatever your religion, we here at the WWE are working hard to offend you! So Teddy please bring out my Smackdown title!
*Can you dig it?*
Cole: My god! It’s Booker T! What could he possible be doing out here! I mean all JBL is doing is declaring he should be awarded a championship! Why would Booker T come out here? What could he have to say?!
Booker T: You just don’t get awarded a championship sucka! Can you dig? I’m gonna take you down!
JBL: I don’t even know what going down means!
Cole: I do.
Booker T: You gotta fight for the right, to party, can you dig that sucka?
*Dadadda dadada*
JBL: Benoit! Tell Booker T in English, or hip hop, or whatever those darkies speak that I will not go 1 on 1 with him.
Benoit: You’re right, you’ll have to have a Triple Threat match!!!!
*Da Big Show*
Big Show: No! A fatal fourway!!
*Theodore Long*
Tazz: Look at that black velvet carrying pouch in the form of a championship belt! I wonder what he’s carrying in there!
Teddy: No, I think it should be a fantastic five-way with the UNDERTAKER!
JBL: Wait, why isn’t he here?
Teddy: He made his one appearance for the month already.
*Draft Pick Music*
Cole: Oh my god! Its Muhammad Hassan and Daivari!!!
Tazz: How can that be!? We only get one draft pick! How could we get two guys?!
Cole: Because we can just make up the rules as we go along Tazz!!
Tazz: This is easily the most unwelcome draftpick in WWE history, we’ll except for when we drafted Hitler! Boy did he not go over well.
Muhammad: Teddy, I had the longest undefeated streak in WWE history!
Cole: We can also just make up stats as we go along too!
Muhammad: Chris Benoit, the ‘crippler’, only thing you cripple is paper! Booker T, 5 time champion, more like 5 time not a champion!!! Big Show, more like, just slightly larger then normal show!!! JBL, more like, LBJ!!!
*Crowd boo’s, forgetting they hated JBL 2 minutes earlier*
Teddy: Muhammad, this isn’t Raw…
*Crowd Boo’s*
Teddy: So next week, it’s gonna be a Sinister Six-Way! With Muhammad Hassan as well! And since we have no other storylines at the moment, let’s go Hassan vs. Big Show right now!
*Matt Morgan comes down to ringside*
Cole: What’s going on here Tazz, Matt Morgan is at ringside.
Tazz: He seems to be headed to our announcers table, this is a complete surprise! Here Matt have a seat at this third chair that’s right here for no apparent reason! Convenient!
Cole: V-v-v-v-v-v-v-ince thought, it would be h-h-h-h-h-h-ilarous to have a stutt-t-t-t-t-tt-ering announcer at ringside.
Tazz: Still better then JR.
Cole: Matt’s leaving, he’s grabbing a chair! The Big Show knocks matt out! But wait Hassan picks up the chair! BAM! 1-2-3! The Ref saw none of it! Even though the chair is not 3 feet away from the ref’s face! He still doesn’t see it! Now the ref is setting up the chair and sitting down in it! How can he not know its there?!
*Backstage*
Steve: Eddie, I have a question…
Eddie: I know what your question is!! You want to know if I can beat Mysterio. …. (2 minutes later) … and that’s why I can, Holmes!
Steve: Actually my question was you’re wearing a shirt that says “Eddie Stole My Other Shirt”, are you saying you stole your own shirt? Or did another person named Eddie steal it?
*Eddie Intro*
Cole: This is the biggest grudge match we’ve ever had on Smackdown!
Tazz: These guys are like brothers Cole!
Cole: These two men hate one another so much.
*Mysterio Intro*
Tazz: They’re like brothers Cole!
Cole: These men will tear one another apart the first moment they get!
Tazz: Their families are like brothers Cole! Their wives, their sisters, all like brothers!
Cole: The bell rings, these two men hate one another, they hate one another more then anyone could possibly hate another human being, these two men will likely kill one another in the ring!
*2 minutes of stare-downs*
*Arm-bar takedown*
*2 minutes of stare-downs*
Cole: I’m now raising the tone OF MY VOICE SO THAT MEANS ITS TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL!
*commercial*
Tazz: Look at that move Eddie is putting on Ray, it’s like a version of a camel clutch, except its not, because Eddie isn’t Arab.
Cole: And look at that bruise on Eddie Tazz.
Tazz: A bruise or "contusion" is an traumatic injury of the soft tissues which results in breakage of the local capillaries and leakage of red blood cells. In the skin it can be seen as a reddish-purple discoloration that does not blanch when pressed upon. When a bruise fades it becomes green and brown as the body metabolizes the blood cells in the skin. It is best treated with local application of a cold pack immediately after injury. Also called a contusion.
Cole: Look at this, Tazz, a full nelson applied by Eddie.
Tazz: Yes, but it’s not a Masterlock, because Eddie’s name doesn’t have “Masters” in it.
Cole: Win, lose or draw, whoever wins deserves it. Especially if it’s a draw.
Tazz: Ray with the 6-1-9! 1-2-3, IT’S OVER!
Cole: What a match! What a way to end the feud! It’s definitely over now! Finally Eddie can get over the fact that he can’t beat Ray! What a dramatic conclusion!!!
Tazz: Don’t forget Cole, next week, Melina vs. Michelle McCool!
Cole: Goodnight everybody!!!!
*Show Ends*
