My weekend hasn't come yet! Lemme finish this report and then I'LL GET A LOAD OF THIS.
Speaking of stuff SonicGAF likes to pay attention to, Kakipi probably isn't going to speedrun this, is he?
The last time was pure accident, I swear! Damned football bets.
I can't think of a better way to spend a hard earned weekend.
Placing any wagers with sonic 06 is like betting your very soul, it's not worth the gamble.
Enough of this sonic battle nonsense, we've got some Dark Story to relive.
But first to recap...
Hero Story 1: It's all downhill from City Escape
Hero Story 2: MEANWHILE IN THE MOUNTAINOUS REGION
Hero Story 3: Tails is the biggest villain of all
Hero Story 4: Suicidal Shuttle Shenanigans
Hero Story 5: Just a guy who loves adventure!
Dark Side Story
Oh yes, its time to finally let the villains win for a change, except they dont actually win or anything. By playing through the other half of the story we can piece together the riveting tale of SA2 and the accident at Space Colony ARK, get that serving of hype ready.
We kick off with a bang as Eggman strolls into a GUN base to look into his grandeggs abandoned weapon research, super duper top secret stuff which is defended by easily destroyed doors and a few chassis bots, cracking work GUN. Eggman is surrounded by many out of place looking explosions with a completely different graphical style like its some sort of low budget movie maker, he also apparently has a machine gun for his cannon as he guns away at something unseen chortling like the mad man he is, no we dont get to keep this gun when the game starts.
Iron Gate
A basic slaughter session stage where Eggman will use his mech to steamroll through, security doors of complete uselessness are shut down as you progress which are easily blown to bits. Eggman feels better to me than Tails for some reason, since Eggman's stages actually take the main role in Dark Story you actually get ones that tend to be better than Tails dreck so its not all bad.
The stage ends bafflingly with a final gauntlet of security doors that Eggman cannot break through, if only there were a giant missile in front of said doors that could be fired into them! Whats that? There is?! Well thats handy and also completely fucking stupid, who the hell leaves a missile there?! If its supposed to be used on intruders then why wasnt it? ARRGH never mind!
oh ho, We have found the goods, turns out it is in fact Shadow the Hedgehog, he apparently can grant one wish, yeah I guess that is pretty powerful stuff except he never quite follows up on this statement in any real wish giving way, no time for make believes reborn I guess, and yes that was a shitty sonic and the secret rings reference, you know genies? wishes? What the hell do you want from me? A bunch of handkerchiefs? Alright enough secret ring ramblings because its boss battle time, Hot Shot has arrived and Shadow literally jets off to fight him, why the hell cant I fly when I play as him with those hoverboots?!
Hot Shot is basically the same as Sonics first boss with like one easily avoided charge attack that leaves it wide open, we take control of Poochy and follow the Sonic strategy of using the crates for extra height to speed up the winning process because Poochy aint stupid.
Now the battle is done Eggman enquires about the wish which Shadow basically hand waves away by simply telling Eggman to bring chaos emeralds to ARK, yeah he doesnt do real wishes, the liar.
Also I have to imagine Shadow simply assumes whoever freed him will just so happen to have like a space shuttle to travel to the space colony or else hes going to be waiting up there by himself for a loooong time.
And then we jump to the old Knuckles and Rouge emerald shattering scene, except this time the rap is replaced by whatever the hell genre Rouges music is, its pretty nice music though and a refreshing change from the wailing guitars, secretly she has some of the best stage themes, speaking of which.
Dry Lagoon
This stage is actually incredibly similar in layout to Wild Canyon, just that instead of taking an air vent to reach the upper areas we take a turtle through the water to reach another area laid out similarly to the upper Wild Canyon. Though there are of course many differences otherwise such as water being all over the place, its a bit more interesting than Wild Canyon but its easy stuff anyway. To actually use the turtle you have to save it from killer robots who are aiming guns at the turtle for reasons unknown, this crazy military. Rouge plays like knuckles for the most part, she kicks instead of punches and despite having proper wings she cant actually fly it seems, must be that bust weighing her down.
Sand Ocean
Eggman is returning to his base, he remarks how the military will NEVER find his hidden base in the pyramid which is odd to say when there are freaking GUN banners and robots all over the place and they are actively trying to kill him, yeah I think they know something is here all right. Maybe Eggman meant that theyd never find the entrance itself? Who knows but leaving your face on everything kind of gives it away. This stage has a fair bit of platforming and not much else, I still like it a lot more than Tails version of the desert stage though.
Eggman arrives at his hi tech computer terminal to receive a very British news report detailing that Saawnic the Hedgehawg (thats how us Brits say it apparently) has robbed a bank for a chaos emerald, it is of course Shadow but I guess all those damn hedgehogs look alike to these pitiful humans.
Shadow stands atop a bridge while a bunch of idiotic police cars pile up at the edge of death since the road is seemingly unfinished, roads in Sonics world suck as evidenced by the two route stages as well. Shadow has a moody flashback to his TRAGIC PAST where his beloved waifu Maria launches Shadow off the ark to save him from being slaughtered by a bunch of ARK invading Genesis/Mega Drive era sonic fans who have come to eliminate Shadow before he could bring the downfall of the series, or maybe it was GUN, its not really explained at this point. Anyway Maria leaves Shadow with one wish and Shdaow promises to fulfill it, he promises REVENGE! Which i'm sure is incorrect but Shadow is a regular Sasuke Uchiha and likes to misconstrue peoples dying wishes so he can act like a prick and be more brooding and cliché badass.
Radical Highway
RADICAL, Woah this stage is gnarly man, how outrageous and
tubular? Man fuck tubular, I hate that SMW stage. Okay so this is probably the best of Shadows stages though the next one isnt a slouch either, its sort of iconic enough to be used in Generations 3DS and as a snowboarding track in Mario & Sonic at the Winter Olympic games. The progression has some nice fast flowing moments with better routes attained by succeeding with the swing bars, its fast, pretty fun and has grinding down the side of bridges so I can give this stage a thumbs up, music is kind of bleh but Shadow brings with him some blandtastic tunes if you ask me.
Once again we can relive the Sonic and Shadow first encounter, you know the drill, cutoff lines, a jewel containing the ultimate power and a very slow to start chaos control. And this will be the last time we control Shadow for a while because this game wouldn't want me to have too much fun.