blame space
Banned
tell me i've been bad
The BDSM Thread
- Thread starter Captain_Spanky
- Start date
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CHEEZMO said:
I don't think I'm totally into the blood play thing, but I have tried it. Was a pretty good high and I got the second best BJ during and after ever so there was that.
If by puppy play you mean leashes and orders then yeah. That was good fun.
Incendiary
Banned
CHEEZMO said:
Well I'm here to even out the ratio a bit.
I haven't had a ton of experience with BDSM, but my ex-gf was a big submissive. I never got into the toys/extras part of it because we were both still in college and my mother very conservative and not big on privacy, so if she'd found anything it would have been baaaaad. So we stuck to play that didn't involve any equipment besides standard handcuffs and the like. I remember the night my ex and I watched Secretary together....that was a good night.
I'm not really big into the hardcore BDSM stuff, I'm more BDSM-lite. But I've learned I'm very dominant in the bedroom and like submissiveness in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom, not so much, as I'm a very relaxed and carefree person, so being dominant in a non sexual environment just doesn't come naturally to me. I'm definitely not into femdom, that just does nothing for me.
Interested to see what comes up in this thread, as I don't have much practical hands-on experience and would like to learn a few things.
Apparently my post was eaten 
@Cad, I never said he should do it without talking about it first. He said that they had already talked about it. I maybe should have said that they should have a more in depth conversation before he tries what I suggested though. Of course I know that you should talk things through with your partner before trying things. It doesn't matter what it is, but that is especially the case with play rape. What I described works in my relationships because we have already discussed boundaries and such. If we didn't lay out the guidelines beforehand then things can take a turn for the worse.
@Cad, I never said he should do it without talking about it first. He said that they had already talked about it. I maybe should have said that they should have a more in depth conversation before he tries what I suggested though. Of course I know that you should talk things through with your partner before trying things. It doesn't matter what it is, but that is especially the case with play rape. What I described works in my relationships because we have already discussed boundaries and such. If we didn't lay out the guidelines beforehand then things can take a turn for the worse.
Incendiary said:
Same with me... Actually, outside of the bedroom, I am very laid-back, and usually defer to others at work. I don't think anyone would guess that I was dominant in the bedroom. For one, I tend to be attracted to girls who are very outspoken, independent, and strong willed. Yet, when it comes to the bedroom, it turns me on like crazy to have them be in the submissive role, probably *because* they're usually so outspoken. I love "taming the shrew," so to speak. >;-)
Incendiary
Banned
Atlagev said:
Yeah that's pretty much how I roll. I'm not attracted to submissive personalities at all, so I've been pretty lucky with the women I've run into. All the independent/outspoken/strong-willed women I've become friends with/been interested in are also highly submissive in bed. Works out kinda well for me. I've started taking it for granted, though, the next strong-willed women will probably try and bend me over her knee or something.
Amibguous Cad
Member
JambiBum said:
I think the important point here is that communication of a desire does not indicate consent to having that desire fulfilled. Your original post claimed that, "Since there has already been communication between you two she will know what's going on," but if all she had done is communicate the fact that she's had rape fantasies and consent to roughing up sex a little, that's far from a guarantee. "Surprise her" looks to me like going ahead with the situation without talking it over, and is in general terrible advice in a BDSM context; the only justification I can think for it is a previous agreement that the dom has permission to do whatever he or she wants, absent use of a safe word.
Inflammable Slinky
Member
Ok there's a distinct lack of sexy on GAF right now so we might as well bring this thread back.
Any switches around here? I'm pretty intrigued by that since I'm dom as the day is long so it's pretty foreign. How do you folks decide what to switch on?
Any switches around here? I'm pretty intrigued by that since I'm dom as the day is long so it's pretty foreign. How do you folks decide what to switch on?
CrocMother
Banned
We liked to switch every so often, sometime within the same session.
She was more dominant than me, so I would tie her up first, do whatever I wanted, and then got a huge rush out of the expectation of what she was going to do to me in *revenge*.
Good times.
She was more dominant than me, so I would tie her up first, do whatever I wanted, and then got a huge rush out of the expectation of what she was going to do to me in *revenge*.
Good times.
Amibguous Cad
Member
Got to head to a local BDSM event two weekends ago. It started out pretty poorly- the presenter for the demo claimed that he was going to show us how to spice up the presentation of our scene for others in the dungeon. As he later claimed in the presentation, his aim was more along the lines to draw the entire group into a single mindfuck scene, his goal generally being to get people to believe that he had hurt his sub a lot more than he actually had, to the point where they get concerned. Smashing a bottle that looks like a glass beer bottle but actually isn't, using fake blood, that kind of thing. On the whole, the presenter came across as an attention whore.
I was unamused. I don't go to parties like this to be nonconsenually involved in someone else' mindfuck scene, and being new to the group, I was concerned that this cavalier attitude toward consent would be carried through to the rest.
Thankfully, my fears were unfounded, and I really enjoyed hanging out with the other kinksters through the rest of the night. I got talk shop about Godel and Russell with a logic PhD, and met a bunch of other cool people. I noticed a rather good-looking 30-something woman eyeing me periodically while I was wandering throughout the party, and soon enough struck up a conversation. We were really into each other, had a lot in common, and right when I was about to ask her if she'd like to play, she was whisked away by a previously arranged play-partner. She was booked the rest of the night, unfortunately, but I got her contact information, and we'll be meeting for dinner and some play the next time I'm in town.
after that I mingled a bit more, then headed to the play area to watch some of the scenes in progress. There was a girl in full on kitty mode sitting near one of the couches that seemed to take a shine to me. Petting led to nibbling led to biting led to a full-on makeout session on the couch. I was surprised at how naturally I took the dominant position there; maybe I'm more of a switch than I thought.
It was rough in spots, but I had a great time, and I've got the fetlife accounts of a few cute girls, so I'll call it a success =)
I was unamused. I don't go to parties like this to be nonconsenually involved in someone else' mindfuck scene, and being new to the group, I was concerned that this cavalier attitude toward consent would be carried through to the rest.
Thankfully, my fears were unfounded, and I really enjoyed hanging out with the other kinksters through the rest of the night. I got talk shop about Godel and Russell with a logic PhD, and met a bunch of other cool people. I noticed a rather good-looking 30-something woman eyeing me periodically while I was wandering throughout the party, and soon enough struck up a conversation. We were really into each other, had a lot in common, and right when I was about to ask her if she'd like to play, she was whisked away by a previously arranged play-partner. She was booked the rest of the night, unfortunately, but I got her contact information, and we'll be meeting for dinner and some play the next time I'm in town.
after that I mingled a bit more, then headed to the play area to watch some of the scenes in progress. There was a girl in full on kitty mode sitting near one of the couches that seemed to take a shine to me. Petting led to nibbling led to biting led to a full-on makeout session on the couch. I was surprised at how naturally I took the dominant position there; maybe I'm more of a switch than I thought.
It was rough in spots, but I had a great time, and I've got the fetlife accounts of a few cute girls, so I'll call it a success =)
Sounds like a fucked up start, for sure. Glad you got some goodness out of it though.Amibguous Cad said:
Edit: I think a lot of people are switch to some degree, it is a but like sexual attraction to me. With some people I am dom, with others sub, and with many I am switch. I also find I am attracted to many different types of people, so I just consider it another aspect of that.
Didn't realize this thread existed until now. Groovy. 
I'm in a 4 1/2 year long D/s relationship with my partner now (I am the submissive, she is the Dominant) and I couldn't be happier.
There is some element of power exchange in our daily interaction and, yes, lots of time for 'play' as well. What I think I dig the most is that, for the first time, I feel 'right' in a relationship. It seems like all the others that I've been in, I've just been going through the motions. With the splendiferous woman that I'm with now its totally ok to just, well, 'be me' and not repress / hide that part of me. (Its something I did in past relationships.. and, trust me, its like a beast that needs to get fed.. eventually, it WILL overtake your ability to keep it suppressed - which can of course lead to relationship difficulties and all that jazz)
We have an interesting dynamic because we also own a business together - and on that front, I am very much the 'boss' - as in, I set the direction / tone / 'to do' list of things to accomplish. It creates an interesting dichotomy when compared to our regular existence in which I am essentially treating her as a queen. She wants for nothing - if she wants / needs it - I do my best to get it for her. She's never without a drink (complete with straw.. girl is insane about straws.. I rue the day I forget to bring a straw in one) in hand if she wishes it, she's never without whatever little girly thing she wants to make her feel happy (i.e. Hello Kitty - its really weird.. to be this evil Sadistic über-bitch at times, she really digs her Hello Kitty stuff) Our relationship is a bit different than some D/s dynamics we've seen. I am most assuredly an extrovert, a 'snarky bitch' (kind of her pet term for me), and unafraid to speak my mind. I push buttons and most assuredly can attention whore with the best of them when necessary. With all that said, though - I am also devoted, dedicated, and caring for her at a level I've never felt for anyone else. She is, first and foremost, my best friend - which makes the D/s part of our relationship so much more effective, in my opinion. We often joke around that I'm kind of like her.. Consigliere.. in that I might tell her stuff she doesn't want to hear, but NEEDS to hear.. even though the final decision falls to her.. I'm still there to help guide it and provide the wisdom I can bring to a situation. Of course, I'm also very much her court jester who's goal it is to keep the Queen entertained / smiling / laughing pretty much at all times.. so.. it kind of all balances out
We actually live in a house with another full-time D/s couple (in this case, a Dominant man with a submissive woman - although she's technically a Switch - she submits only to her Sir.) and its pretty cool. Don't get me wrong, we're not playing with each other or anything like that - but its nice to see, for instance, him take her when they're in the kitchen, bend her over and smack her ass a couple of times and not have to worry about crazy-ass looks from his roommates) They also happen to be two of our best friends, so that helps as well.
Here we say we 'let our freak flag fly' and its kind of true - we actually have the leather pride flag (as seen here) hanging from outside our house on the flagpole.
I'd like to chime in and add to the recommendations for Fetlife.com - its an amazing site / resource with some great discussion groups. Also a good place to find out about munches / community events in one's specific area.
I'd be happy to try to answer any questions I can from the male submissive perspective - but please keep in mind, I don't exactly qualify as your 'average' male submissive.. A lot of the things we do in our relationship aren't necessarily what others do in theirs.
I'm in a 4 1/2 year long D/s relationship with my partner now (I am the submissive, she is the Dominant) and I couldn't be happier.
There is some element of power exchange in our daily interaction and, yes, lots of time for 'play' as well. What I think I dig the most is that, for the first time, I feel 'right' in a relationship. It seems like all the others that I've been in, I've just been going through the motions. With the splendiferous woman that I'm with now its totally ok to just, well, 'be me' and not repress / hide that part of me. (Its something I did in past relationships.. and, trust me, its like a beast that needs to get fed.. eventually, it WILL overtake your ability to keep it suppressed - which can of course lead to relationship difficulties and all that jazz)
We have an interesting dynamic because we also own a business together - and on that front, I am very much the 'boss' - as in, I set the direction / tone / 'to do' list of things to accomplish. It creates an interesting dichotomy when compared to our regular existence in which I am essentially treating her as a queen. She wants for nothing - if she wants / needs it - I do my best to get it for her. She's never without a drink (complete with straw.. girl is insane about straws.. I rue the day I forget to bring a straw in one) in hand if she wishes it, she's never without whatever little girly thing she wants to make her feel happy (i.e. Hello Kitty - its really weird.. to be this evil Sadistic über-bitch at times, she really digs her Hello Kitty stuff) Our relationship is a bit different than some D/s dynamics we've seen. I am most assuredly an extrovert, a 'snarky bitch' (kind of her pet term for me), and unafraid to speak my mind. I push buttons and most assuredly can attention whore with the best of them when necessary. With all that said, though - I am also devoted, dedicated, and caring for her at a level I've never felt for anyone else. She is, first and foremost, my best friend - which makes the D/s part of our relationship so much more effective, in my opinion. We often joke around that I'm kind of like her.. Consigliere.. in that I might tell her stuff she doesn't want to hear, but NEEDS to hear.. even though the final decision falls to her.. I'm still there to help guide it and provide the wisdom I can bring to a situation. Of course, I'm also very much her court jester who's goal it is to keep the Queen entertained / smiling / laughing pretty much at all times.. so.. it kind of all balances out
We actually live in a house with another full-time D/s couple (in this case, a Dominant man with a submissive woman - although she's technically a Switch - she submits only to her Sir.) and its pretty cool. Don't get me wrong, we're not playing with each other or anything like that - but its nice to see, for instance, him take her when they're in the kitchen, bend her over and smack her ass a couple of times and not have to worry about crazy-ass looks from his roommates) They also happen to be two of our best friends, so that helps as well.
Here we say we 'let our freak flag fly' and its kind of true - we actually have the leather pride flag (as seen here) hanging from outside our house on the flagpole.
I'd like to chime in and add to the recommendations for Fetlife.com - its an amazing site / resource with some great discussion groups. Also a good place to find out about munches / community events in one's specific area.
I'd be happy to try to answer any questions I can from the male submissive perspective - but please keep in mind, I don't exactly qualify as your 'average' male submissive.. A lot of the things we do in our relationship aren't necessarily what others do in theirs.
pauljeremiah
Gold Member
CHEEZMO said:
pretty much summed up the way my face went when I saw the flag
CHEEZMO said:
Me either - that's more my roommates thing.. he just appreciates a lot of the "Leather Lifestyle" traditions / protocols. The flag does definitely get some conversation going when people come up the driveway, though. i.e. the uVerse installer guy who thought it was "A flag from some Japanese Country".. lol
the thing that's so great about BDSM is how varied and distinctive the different communities are along with how well they can all fit together. Whether you simply like being tied up or you like some light discipline - or if you like being beaten with a Cat o' nine tails by someone in a leather outfit while restrained in stocks. Some like to dominate, some like to submit. So much variation, so much room for exploring different aspects of fantasy life and so much room to push your own or your partner's boundaries during play.
@Gaborn
I fully agree. I know people that do things that I wouldn't dream of doing in 100 years - but it doesn't make the acts any less fascinating. I know that there's a lot of interaction that I have with my better half that would rather bug people if they witnessed it - but its all good. .different strokes to rule the world and all that
I fully agree. I know people that do things that I wouldn't dream of doing in 100 years - but it doesn't make the acts any less fascinating. I know that there's a lot of interaction that I have with my better half that would rather bug people if they witnessed it - but its all good. .different strokes to rule the world and all that
SillyEskimo
Member
I would like to think that I've lived quite an interesting life so far. If I were to write a book, surely my time spent dabbling in the BDSM community would make for a fun and interesting chapter.
My book would look something this:
Chapter 1 - My childhood and first love
Chapter 2 - Getting kicked out of the Mormon church
Chapter 3 - Divorce and the loss of innocence
Chapter 4 - Dating and rebuilding myself from the ground up
Chapter 5 - BDSM
Chapter 6 - Second marriage and children
Many years ago, I was discussing an extremely odd relationship I had recently ended with a newly acquired friend. The girl I had dated was into some pretty heavy kink and I was thinking I kind of really liked it. It turns out that this particular friend was a lifelong lover and participant in BDSM. He and his wife ran munches and their house had a full blown dungeon in their basement. He built bondage furniture as a past time and way to make extra money. They held parties there on the weekends. Craziness I tell you! At the time, I was single and figured "What the he'll, sounds crazy I'll try it out".
I was involved with "The Scene" for about a year. At first I went in simply trying to expand my sexual skills and knowledge. Only after attending did I learn that sex is often the furthest thing from people's minds that participate in this type of activity. Not me though. It was always an elaborate lead up to sex. It's one of the several little things that made me realize that I was not a hardcore member of this community. The stuff that I saw and participated in during that year would seriously blow people's fucking minds. Looking back, even I'm amazed. I did walk away with an unbelievable amount of knowledge that I still use to this day. I attended workshops in Japanese rope bondage and built up a respectable tool box of floggers and various other tools of the trade. I can still work a single tail with great skill.
Seriously, I never met a woman that didn't enjoy light to medium BDSM play. Start light (sensory depravation is my favorite), then ease them into the heavier stuff (light spanking and bondage). The sky is the limit really. To me, BDSM was one of the inlets into the most important and powerful aspects of any relationship: trust.
An interesting footnote to all of this is that I was dating a woman just as I started looking into this lifestyle. I would get back from parties and tell her everything. She was always curious but never asked to go with me. Well, after about 3 months she couldn't take it any more and asked if she could tag along. Of course she was as equally fascinated by this community of deviants as I was. So many doors opened up for us. A huge bonus was that this girl was able to buy and wear all sorts of fetish attire at the parties. (women love dressing up) She was always the belle of the ball because she is half Japanese/ half American, and 6ft 1. When she put on a corset and 5 inch heals, she was absolutely intimidating (and stunning) to look at. Just amazing. During this time, I fell in love with her. Eventually, we left the scene because we realized we were not life stylers 24/7. We learned all we desired and incorporated all the stuff we liked into our sex life. Eventually, we got married and she is equally amazing outside of the bedroom. We're the kinkiest couple I know. None of our friends even come close. Some of the stuff we do in the bedroom is not fit for polite conversation. Not even on a message board.
All of this was years ago though. We're entirely different people now, but that chapter of our lives is always discussed with happiness and fondness. It really spiced up my already unique and interesting life and I'm glad I was able to experience the scene first hand.
My book would look something this:
Chapter 1 - My childhood and first love
Chapter 2 - Getting kicked out of the Mormon church
Chapter 3 - Divorce and the loss of innocence
Chapter 4 - Dating and rebuilding myself from the ground up
Chapter 5 - BDSM
Chapter 6 - Second marriage and children
Many years ago, I was discussing an extremely odd relationship I had recently ended with a newly acquired friend. The girl I had dated was into some pretty heavy kink and I was thinking I kind of really liked it. It turns out that this particular friend was a lifelong lover and participant in BDSM. He and his wife ran munches and their house had a full blown dungeon in their basement. He built bondage furniture as a past time and way to make extra money. They held parties there on the weekends. Craziness I tell you! At the time, I was single and figured "What the he'll, sounds crazy I'll try it out".
I was involved with "The Scene" for about a year. At first I went in simply trying to expand my sexual skills and knowledge. Only after attending did I learn that sex is often the furthest thing from people's minds that participate in this type of activity. Not me though. It was always an elaborate lead up to sex. It's one of the several little things that made me realize that I was not a hardcore member of this community. The stuff that I saw and participated in during that year would seriously blow people's fucking minds. Looking back, even I'm amazed. I did walk away with an unbelievable amount of knowledge that I still use to this day. I attended workshops in Japanese rope bondage and built up a respectable tool box of floggers and various other tools of the trade. I can still work a single tail with great skill.
Seriously, I never met a woman that didn't enjoy light to medium BDSM play. Start light (sensory depravation is my favorite), then ease them into the heavier stuff (light spanking and bondage). The sky is the limit really. To me, BDSM was one of the inlets into the most important and powerful aspects of any relationship: trust.
An interesting footnote to all of this is that I was dating a woman just as I started looking into this lifestyle. I would get back from parties and tell her everything. She was always curious but never asked to go with me. Well, after about 3 months she couldn't take it any more and asked if she could tag along. Of course she was as equally fascinated by this community of deviants as I was. So many doors opened up for us. A huge bonus was that this girl was able to buy and wear all sorts of fetish attire at the parties. (women love dressing up) She was always the belle of the ball because she is half Japanese/ half American, and 6ft 1. When she put on a corset and 5 inch heals, she was absolutely intimidating (and stunning) to look at. Just amazing. During this time, I fell in love with her. Eventually, we left the scene because we realized we were not life stylers 24/7. We learned all we desired and incorporated all the stuff we liked into our sex life. Eventually, we got married and she is equally amazing outside of the bedroom. We're the kinkiest couple I know. None of our friends even come close. Some of the stuff we do in the bedroom is not fit for polite conversation. Not even on a message board.
All of this was years ago though. We're entirely different people now, but that chapter of our lives is always discussed with happiness and fondness. It really spiced up my already unique and interesting life and I'm glad I was able to experience the scene first hand.
What's the best type of rope to use for bondage? I've tried scarfs but those are too easy for her to get out of. Also what's the best way to tie here to be bed in a spread eagle position? I was thinking just tie her arms to the bars on the headboard and her her feet to the legs of the bed.
tearsofash
Member
Just wanted to pop in and say that I've been meeting a lot of the local folks and learning about this sort of thing. I was never really allowed to be into this until my divorce this summer. Haven't any intense scenes, but I've been mummified in Saran wrap and whipped a good bit. Also been getting to play around with violet wands, those things are always a treat.
I generally identify with being a dominant bottom, but I went to the club tonight and got taught how to properly whip a guy. It got pretty intense, I really enjoyed it.
Ropes are interesting. I like being a guinea pig for my friend who keeps learning new techniques.
And yeah, fetlife is the place to be. Most cities have a respectable social outlet and local people to talk to.
I generally identify with being a dominant bottom, but I went to the club tonight and got taught how to properly whip a guy. It got pretty intense, I really enjoyed it.
Ropes are interesting. I like being a guinea pig for my friend who keeps learning new techniques.
And yeah, fetlife is the place to be. Most cities have a respectable social outlet and local people to talk to.
krypt0nian
Banned
Was just checking out the fun tv series on Netflix called Kink. Lot of fun stuff on exhibit and some nice explanations of how the power exchange feels and works and the emotions involved.
The Lamonster
Member
How are our new Google overlords enjoying this thread?
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
Had to Google this, :lol
krypt0nian
Banned
Just found out that there is a mixed bdsm club in Orlando. Anyone have any experience with a mixed orientation club?
I'm glad this was bumped, I don't think I have the courage to do it myself. Been talking to another gaffer about this lately, in particular about my earlier post in this thread. I'm still negative about the pain aspects but I'd never separated the letters in BDSM before, if that makes sense - it never occurred to me that it doesn't have to be all those things at once! So, yeah, as reluctant as I am to say it my interest has been rising in this subject by quite a lot.
Is it worth signing on to things like Fetlife and just observing if I'm still just BD curious? I'm not in the US and I've no idea how else to find anything local.
Is it worth signing on to things like Fetlife and just observing if I'm still just BD curious? I'm not in the US and I've no idea how else to find anything local.
Nope, but that sounds like a great idea to me. I imagine it might be a bit threatening for some people though.
Amibguous Cad
Member
Oh yeah, absolutely. Find a local meetup on fetlife! I can't vouch for every community, but they tend to be very welcoming to newbies and totally cool with someone who's just interested in say, getting tied up, and nothing else.
Hmmmm. I'm not very plugged into the club scene- I tend to do fetlife organized meetups and such. It probably has to do with the clubs, but in my limited experience anything called a "club" probably draws heavily from the swingers culture... which probably means straight men and bi women. I can even find it difficult to find same-sex play partners at queer friendly BDSM events. Still, every place is different, so maybe this one will work out =P
Amibguous Cad
Member
She was radiant in her red latex catsuit, black leather corset, and vinyl boots. I was licking them 10 minutes after walking in the door.
We had met at one party before, of course, and agreed to meet each other here, but even so I was surprised how quickly we clicked The chemistry was just right, from the get-go.
She didn't use a single toy tonight, other than the cuffs she used to restrain me to the st. andrew's cross. I never missed them. She did ten times more with her bare (well, latex-clad) body than I've seen any dom do with a mountain of aides d'amor.
I made sounds I didn't know I was capable of making; I was hurt in vulnerable places I didn't know were anywhere near that vulnerable. My pallete exploded with a dozen different sensations I didn't have names for, much less understanding of.
She has a wonderful sense of presence, a knowledge of how to use her body to create a sense of worshipfulness. I do not mean her body language and way of conveying herself, though she is also quite good at that. I mean the way she uses physical position to reinforce the power dynamic (her height helps with it, certainly). Tonight, at least, there was almost always bodily contact; not like the tops that stand at whip's length from their sub. I was constantly pinned by the force of her body as she used some other heretofore unknown feature of the human anatomy (hers and mine). Like bondage, but a million times better, being constrained primarily by the raw physical presence of a body you have no hope of overcoming.
It was revelatory. It's like when you have a thought on the tip of your mind for months or years at a time, haphazardly grasping at expressing it, before you find it thoroughly explored and beautifully expressed in someone else's writing. This was everything I was seeking, and not getting; everything I was trying to say I wanted, and hadn't the insight to formulate.
She adjourned to play with someone else, though by her own admission, it was at least partially a test to see how I'd deal with jealousy. I passed with flying colors, though it wasn't easy. I've dated a ton of poly people and not even had a flicker of the green eyed monster as I watched my partner being plowed in front of me, but for some reason, for her, it was different. It is, in any case, the price of admission, modest enough, and I will not deny that the pangs feed the masochism as much as anything else.
She beckoned me from across the room, and I was happy to oblige. Kneeling at her feet gave way to cuddling on the couch, and I don't believe I've ever felt as safe in someone else's arms. We talked about where we were in our lives, who we are, what we care about. She was delicately probing into the state of my soul, I believe so that she would not run afoul of any triggers. I'm usually not the most reticient of people at the best of times, and to be sure there's something about being kneed in the balls 40 times that lowers one's defenses.
For those of you who don't know, I'm dealing with some bad shit right now; I've experienced multiple deaths in my family in a short time frame, dropped out of school, and am currently in a partial hospitalization program for depression. Everything came out. I had never felt more vulnerable in discussing these things, or more accepted, and it was a balm for my soul. I have had no shortage of people willing to empathize with me and help get me through this, but none who are not, for lack of a better term , unbiased from before I became the high-functioning wreck that I am right now. The suicidally depressed and rehabbers in group therapy are inclined to empathy for obvious reasons. I do not take the support of my friends and family for granted for one instant, but they may be doing it out respect for who I was. But to know that who I am right now, broken as I feel, is still worthy of love and protection means more than I can articulate.
In short, I was laid bare physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. She put me through the wringer and ensured I came out on the other side better than I started.
She took my hand and led me into the back room; I was happy to oblige. The play here was different, a little more sensual and slow, a lot more verbally abusive. I'm pretty sure it was because we didn't have a lot of time, as even the red-eye players were grabbing their coats; I could see in her eyes that she couldn't wait till the next time to jump my bones again, and would take the meagre time we had. I was concerned that we were imposing on our hosts' generosity, but to be honest I was not inclined to refuse her anything at that point. Or, to be honest, at this point, even as the endorphin-created subspace has subsided. It's 5 AM, and I imagine she's asleep right now, but if she called, I'd be over in my fuck me boots in a heartbeat.
She is cautious, but also feels the same emotional and physical connection that I do. She says now isn't the time in my life when I should be starting a new relationship; that this is a serious article of discussion one date in proves just how difficult preventing that might be. In any case, the play will continue, and if that's all it is, I'll probably be able to alchemize the frustration into the erotic, as I have before. But judging from how she was ordering me around toward the end of the party, I'd put even odds at wearing her collar before the month is out. She offered to take me under her protection (a BDSM sociological construct I'm not 100% familiar with; I think the gist is that they look out for you in a strictly platonic way and make sure you don't get into too much trouble), but that would require that we stop playing together, and neither of us are going to give that up. She will reason (correctly) that if it's not her, it'll be someone else in the community less scrupulous, and that the only way to play together and also protect me is through a collar.
I don't know if the cautiousness is warranted, but to be honest, at this point I don't care. Life is short, and opportunities like these are rare. If such a relationship is a colossal mistake, it will be a glorious one, the kind that all well-spent lives have.
We had met at one party before, of course, and agreed to meet each other here, but even so I was surprised how quickly we clicked The chemistry was just right, from the get-go.
She didn't use a single toy tonight, other than the cuffs she used to restrain me to the st. andrew's cross. I never missed them. She did ten times more with her bare (well, latex-clad) body than I've seen any dom do with a mountain of aides d'amor.
I made sounds I didn't know I was capable of making; I was hurt in vulnerable places I didn't know were anywhere near that vulnerable. My pallete exploded with a dozen different sensations I didn't have names for, much less understanding of.
She has a wonderful sense of presence, a knowledge of how to use her body to create a sense of worshipfulness. I do not mean her body language and way of conveying herself, though she is also quite good at that. I mean the way she uses physical position to reinforce the power dynamic (her height helps with it, certainly). Tonight, at least, there was almost always bodily contact; not like the tops that stand at whip's length from their sub. I was constantly pinned by the force of her body as she used some other heretofore unknown feature of the human anatomy (hers and mine). Like bondage, but a million times better, being constrained primarily by the raw physical presence of a body you have no hope of overcoming.
It was revelatory. It's like when you have a thought on the tip of your mind for months or years at a time, haphazardly grasping at expressing it, before you find it thoroughly explored and beautifully expressed in someone else's writing. This was everything I was seeking, and not getting; everything I was trying to say I wanted, and hadn't the insight to formulate.
She adjourned to play with someone else, though by her own admission, it was at least partially a test to see how I'd deal with jealousy. I passed with flying colors, though it wasn't easy. I've dated a ton of poly people and not even had a flicker of the green eyed monster as I watched my partner being plowed in front of me, but for some reason, for her, it was different. It is, in any case, the price of admission, modest enough, and I will not deny that the pangs feed the masochism as much as anything else.
She beckoned me from across the room, and I was happy to oblige. Kneeling at her feet gave way to cuddling on the couch, and I don't believe I've ever felt as safe in someone else's arms. We talked about where we were in our lives, who we are, what we care about. She was delicately probing into the state of my soul, I believe so that she would not run afoul of any triggers. I'm usually not the most reticient of people at the best of times, and to be sure there's something about being kneed in the balls 40 times that lowers one's defenses.
For those of you who don't know, I'm dealing with some bad shit right now; I've experienced multiple deaths in my family in a short time frame, dropped out of school, and am currently in a partial hospitalization program for depression. Everything came out. I had never felt more vulnerable in discussing these things, or more accepted, and it was a balm for my soul. I have had no shortage of people willing to empathize with me and help get me through this, but none who are not, for lack of a better term , unbiased from before I became the high-functioning wreck that I am right now. The suicidally depressed and rehabbers in group therapy are inclined to empathy for obvious reasons. I do not take the support of my friends and family for granted for one instant, but they may be doing it out respect for who I was. But to know that who I am right now, broken as I feel, is still worthy of love and protection means more than I can articulate.
In short, I was laid bare physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. She put me through the wringer and ensured I came out on the other side better than I started.
She took my hand and led me into the back room; I was happy to oblige. The play here was different, a little more sensual and slow, a lot more verbally abusive. I'm pretty sure it was because we didn't have a lot of time, as even the red-eye players were grabbing their coats; I could see in her eyes that she couldn't wait till the next time to jump my bones again, and would take the meagre time we had. I was concerned that we were imposing on our hosts' generosity, but to be honest I was not inclined to refuse her anything at that point. Or, to be honest, at this point, even as the endorphin-created subspace has subsided. It's 5 AM, and I imagine she's asleep right now, but if she called, I'd be over in my fuck me boots in a heartbeat.
She is cautious, but also feels the same emotional and physical connection that I do. She says now isn't the time in my life when I should be starting a new relationship; that this is a serious article of discussion one date in proves just how difficult preventing that might be. In any case, the play will continue, and if that's all it is, I'll probably be able to alchemize the frustration into the erotic, as I have before. But judging from how she was ordering me around toward the end of the party, I'd put even odds at wearing her collar before the month is out. She offered to take me under her protection (a BDSM sociological construct I'm not 100% familiar with; I think the gist is that they look out for you in a strictly platonic way and make sure you don't get into too much trouble), but that would require that we stop playing together, and neither of us are going to give that up. She will reason (correctly) that if it's not her, it'll be someone else in the community less scrupulous, and that the only way to play together and also protect me is through a collar.
I don't know if the cautiousness is warranted, but to be honest, at this point I don't care. Life is short, and opportunities like these are rare. If such a relationship is a colossal mistake, it will be a glorious one, the kind that all well-spent lives have.
Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah.
This is a thread.
so storytime
I kind of realized I was into being a sub (to a certain extent) a while back, when I decided to present a guy I had a crush on at the time with the most awkward date of all time.
There was this rave party we both -really- wanted to go to, and I'd already been invited to a room with a bunch of camwhores I was hanging out with; I'm pretty sure that, at the time, we were the two longest threads on 7chan, the three longest threads on malegeneral, and the two most popular cam4 feeds >.>
I could've gotten a normal, romantic hotel with him.... But I was pissed at him for dumping me once before, so I decided to make him jealous by having him stay in a hotel full of camwhores with me.
Totally fucking worked.
Thing is, this sex shop near the rave place was selling.... collars.... and leads..... and he "jokingly" got me a fuzzy blue rave collar and made me wear it everywhere >_______>
So we ended up.... yeah. I threw away that collar (too many bad memories associated with it), but now I have the awkward desire for every guy I date to surprisingly bring one out and I have -no idea how to bring it up- x.x
This is a thread.
so storytime
I kind of realized I was into being a sub (to a certain extent) a while back, when I decided to present a guy I had a crush on at the time with the most awkward date of all time.
There was this rave party we both -really- wanted to go to, and I'd already been invited to a room with a bunch of camwhores I was hanging out with; I'm pretty sure that, at the time, we were the two longest threads on 7chan, the three longest threads on malegeneral, and the two most popular cam4 feeds >.>
I could've gotten a normal, romantic hotel with him.... But I was pissed at him for dumping me once before, so I decided to make him jealous by having him stay in a hotel full of camwhores with me.
Totally fucking worked.
Thing is, this sex shop near the rave place was selling.... collars.... and leads..... and he "jokingly" got me a fuzzy blue rave collar and made me wear it everywhere >_______>
So we ended up.... yeah. I threw away that collar (too many bad memories associated with it), but now I have the awkward desire for every guy I date to surprisingly bring one out and I have -no idea how to bring it up- x.x
Go on...
Oh dude I had no idea.
That certainly wasn't the outcome I was expecting.
Have you considered bein ga writer? There is a huge market for material like that (You would make it less personal of course.) In regards the stuation sorry to hear its been so rough for you, but am ecstatic you haqve found an aproriate person to give you what you need, and well.
Caution is needed when the physical outruns the cerebral. Take your time, you will explore each other and find new thiungs.
Cad is a fucking incredible writer, and I'm sure he knows it; to read his thoughts on politics would be pornographic in some bizzare intellectual way.
And it's a shame he's going through all those issues
I don't know him very well aside from some chats a while back, but I wish him the best.(Also, Cad, situation sounds pretty awesome :3! Hope it makes you happy man.)
Amibguous Cad
Member
Cad is a fucking incredible writer, and I'm sure he knows it; to read his thoughts on politics would be pornographic in some bizzare intellectual way.
And it's a shame he's going through all those issues
(Also, Cad, situation sounds pretty awesome :3! Hope it makes you happy man.)
Awww, thanks, guys. I've never tried my hand at creative writing, but I've been meaning to try.
WordAssassin
Member
I was never super into the idea of any of this but my last girlfriend was pretty kinky and she and another friend of ours helped ease me into it a little. (No there weren't any 3-ways, I'll explain)
First, the girlfriend. Sassy redhead, pierced nipples, tattoos, way out of my "normal" type but somehow we clicked perfectly, kinda balanced each other out. She got me into biting a little, and she once handcuffed me to her bed, blindfolded me, and proceeded to kiss me everywhere/give me a blowjob/screw me and it was just insane. I'd never experienced anything like that before, it was terrifying and yet so incredibly intimate and passionate. She also go me into choking her during sex, which I'll do if I'm asked but I'm not super into it because I'm afraid I'm going to hurt them. She got me into hair pulling, too. It was a move I'd learned from reading PUA stuff (but I'd never used, don't particularly care for that method) and before we started dating sometimes I'd be talking in a group and she's start scratching my scalp or tugging on my hair and it'd drive me nuts. She also liked a tug on her hair during sex. She opened me up to a lot of new and exciting things, I'm still pretty sad we aren't together anymore. :\
Then there's the mutual friend. She is a SUPER freak. One of her favorite movies is "Secretary" and she loves being tied up, man-handled, spanked, choked, etc. She and I have never had sex (or even made out) but she got me into spanking something fierce. Sometimes she'd just stop and bend over and hike up her skirt, waiting for a smack, and she'd let me know if I didn't do it hard enough and demand a re-do. Or sometimes we'll be in a group watching a movie and she'll start talking and I'll reach over and pull her hair and she'll cry out and settle down. Or she'll piss me off and I'll put my hand around her neck (but won't apply any pressure) and she'll just go weak. It's crazy.
But that's all in the past. It's been two years in April since the ex and I split, and I rarely ever see or talk to the friend anymore. I've been single since the break up too, (though we screwed around for a little while after still) and it's been almost a year and a half since I last had sex so I don't know if my interest in this has faded out or what. I recently got asked by someone what my turn-ons were and none of this crossed my mind at all - it wasn't until she told me she liked biting that I even remembered I liked it in the first place.
I don't know if I'd venture too much further in if given the chance, though. I don't particularly want to be whipped, or want to whip someone else, don't want anything up my butt or anything melted onto me, and the idea of inflicting pain onto someone else doesn't exactly excite me. But then, I never thought I'd be into being handcuffed and blindfolded so who knows?
Ugh what a terrible mix of emotions this post has stirred inside me
First, the girlfriend. Sassy redhead, pierced nipples, tattoos, way out of my "normal" type but somehow we clicked perfectly, kinda balanced each other out. She got me into biting a little, and she once handcuffed me to her bed, blindfolded me, and proceeded to kiss me everywhere/give me a blowjob/screw me and it was just insane. I'd never experienced anything like that before, it was terrifying and yet so incredibly intimate and passionate. She also go me into choking her during sex, which I'll do if I'm asked but I'm not super into it because I'm afraid I'm going to hurt them. She got me into hair pulling, too. It was a move I'd learned from reading PUA stuff (but I'd never used, don't particularly care for that method) and before we started dating sometimes I'd be talking in a group and she's start scratching my scalp or tugging on my hair and it'd drive me nuts. She also liked a tug on her hair during sex. She opened me up to a lot of new and exciting things, I'm still pretty sad we aren't together anymore. :\
Then there's the mutual friend. She is a SUPER freak. One of her favorite movies is "Secretary" and she loves being tied up, man-handled, spanked, choked, etc. She and I have never had sex (or even made out) but she got me into spanking something fierce. Sometimes she'd just stop and bend over and hike up her skirt, waiting for a smack, and she'd let me know if I didn't do it hard enough and demand a re-do. Or sometimes we'll be in a group watching a movie and she'll start talking and I'll reach over and pull her hair and she'll cry out and settle down. Or she'll piss me off and I'll put my hand around her neck (but won't apply any pressure) and she'll just go weak. It's crazy.
But that's all in the past. It's been two years in April since the ex and I split, and I rarely ever see or talk to the friend anymore. I've been single since the break up too, (though we screwed around for a little while after still) and it's been almost a year and a half since I last had sex so I don't know if my interest in this has faded out or what. I recently got asked by someone what my turn-ons were and none of this crossed my mind at all - it wasn't until she told me she liked biting that I even remembered I liked it in the first place.
I don't know if I'd venture too much further in if given the chance, though. I don't particularly want to be whipped, or want to whip someone else, don't want anything up my butt or anything melted onto me, and the idea of inflicting pain onto someone else doesn't exactly excite me. But then, I never thought I'd be into being handcuffed and blindfolded so who knows?
Ugh what a terrible mix of emotions this post has stirred inside me
Amibguous Cad
Member
More adventures of Cad and the hot BDSM crossdresser.
Two weeks after that amazing night, I sustained a significant injury, requiring months of therapy to correct.
I texted her, asking that she visit in the hospital; she refused, not wanting to go out in public as Jennifer, not wanting to appear to me as anything but.
That was where things stood for a long while. We had only had one amazing night together, after all; it wasn't really serious. I was healing, and couldn't go out to where we could actually meet, so I applied myself as much as I could in therapy, and looked forward to the day when I could integrate myself into the community again. I texted her periodically, and I think may have come off as a little clingy; requests, anyway, for a ride to a local event where we could spend time together (I being unable to drive, thanks to the injury) were not responded to.
A few months into my recovery, she deleted her fetlife account. When I noticed it, I texted her, and she said she was taking a break, perhaps a permanent one, from the community. I thought that was the end of it, that I would be left with the wistful memory of one perfect night and a wondering what could have been had tragedy not befallen me.
Tonight, I attended my first post-injury BDSM event, 6 months later.
My breath caught in my throat when I walked in the door. Even from behind, her curly blonde hair, and her ostentatious fashion style, standing out so much from the crowd that suddenly seemed rather drab, was unmistakable.
My first thought was to avoid drama. It had occurred to me that perhaps I had ruined my chances with her by seeming too eager, or being too clingy; I am well aware that the paroxysms of passion she has thrown me into are not at al justified, and that placing the expectations of such on her is unfair. If she were uninterested, I was determined to disengage with as much tact as possible, and try to enjoy the party on my own terms.
It was a lot more complicated than that.
She greeted me warmly, congratulating me on my successful recovery and saying it was great to see me out and about again. We made small talk until she was whisked away by a prearranged play partner.
After a rather successful event of meeting new people and socializing, I found her on a couch, having finished her scene with her pre-arranged partner. I was determined to make a go of it, if she were still interested; to disengage with grace, if not. The answer was not so simple as that binary.
"You're adorable, and incredibly hot. I'm not sure I've ever had as much fun with a guy"
But.
But.
"When I play with a partner, I want to build toward something more... and you're leaving so soon!"
I am, in fact, moving away from the area in around a month. Or was planning to, anyway.
That truth, or the eminent reasonableness of her stricture, did nothing to alleviate the the hole growing in my gut. I thought the term "lovesick" was poetic license; I had not thought to grapple with the biology of the situation. Physiologically the feeling differs only slightly from the flutters one gets in one's stomach with infatuation. But the psychology is crushing.
I had only the courage to lightly state my case. "All the more reason for us to strike while the iron is hot." I resisted the urge to use the Alpha Centauri line, "The universe has spared us this moment," but only just; I can make no promises for the future.
"But I completely understand, if that's what you're looking for, why we wouldn't be compatible partners."
Next, she ripped my heart out, pissed on it, and stomped on it for good measure.
"Don't go anywhere," she said, as she wandered across the room, and draped herself over another man's lap, one that she had known from before. I briefly considered wandering around the party, before obediently opening up one of the magazines of fetish photography lying around.
She kept me like that for fifteen minutes, during which someone had taken her spot on the couch. I had considered asking the interloper to take off, to save it for a private-ish conversation between the two of us, before thinking better of it.
When my goddess came over to the couch, she immediately chatted up my new companion. Within ten minutes, they were negotiating their scene. I remained at the edge of the conversation for another five, before deciding that the handle of gin back home would be more kindly.
Given my concerns about coming off as too clingy, and the communications that led to that concern, I find it difficult to believe that she had no clue of what she was doing to me. She knew I was head over heels. Were her actions an attempt to communicate as forcefully as possible, "no seriously, I mean it, there's really nothing between us."? Was I simply missing something, completely misreading the situation, overestimating how much she considered the effects of her actions on me? Or was this her kink; did she get off on stoking the fires of my passion, only to extinguish all hopes of their resolution in the most painful way possible?
Part of me - most of me - hopes it's that last one.
I've never felt so alive.
Yesterday, I could have forseen nothing that would keep me anchored here. I was leaving a place of bitter memories to return to the only place I had ever known happiness, with the people I loved, a place that differs only in the minutest details to how I would construct heaven.
Five shots in, I think I can and will forego all of that for the slimmest chance at happiness with her. And part of me - most of me - hopes that she will leave me gasping for air and begging for release, twisting the knife in exquisitely painful ways my impoverished imagination cannot fathom.
I want to immolate myself on her pyre.
Two weeks after that amazing night, I sustained a significant injury, requiring months of therapy to correct.
I texted her, asking that she visit in the hospital; she refused, not wanting to go out in public as Jennifer, not wanting to appear to me as anything but.
That was where things stood for a long while. We had only had one amazing night together, after all; it wasn't really serious. I was healing, and couldn't go out to where we could actually meet, so I applied myself as much as I could in therapy, and looked forward to the day when I could integrate myself into the community again. I texted her periodically, and I think may have come off as a little clingy; requests, anyway, for a ride to a local event where we could spend time together (I being unable to drive, thanks to the injury) were not responded to.
A few months into my recovery, she deleted her fetlife account. When I noticed it, I texted her, and she said she was taking a break, perhaps a permanent one, from the community. I thought that was the end of it, that I would be left with the wistful memory of one perfect night and a wondering what could have been had tragedy not befallen me.
Tonight, I attended my first post-injury BDSM event, 6 months later.
My breath caught in my throat when I walked in the door. Even from behind, her curly blonde hair, and her ostentatious fashion style, standing out so much from the crowd that suddenly seemed rather drab, was unmistakable.
My first thought was to avoid drama. It had occurred to me that perhaps I had ruined my chances with her by seeming too eager, or being too clingy; I am well aware that the paroxysms of passion she has thrown me into are not at al justified, and that placing the expectations of such on her is unfair. If she were uninterested, I was determined to disengage with as much tact as possible, and try to enjoy the party on my own terms.
It was a lot more complicated than that.
She greeted me warmly, congratulating me on my successful recovery and saying it was great to see me out and about again. We made small talk until she was whisked away by a prearranged play partner.
After a rather successful event of meeting new people and socializing, I found her on a couch, having finished her scene with her pre-arranged partner. I was determined to make a go of it, if she were still interested; to disengage with grace, if not. The answer was not so simple as that binary.
"You're adorable, and incredibly hot. I'm not sure I've ever had as much fun with a guy"
But.
But.
"When I play with a partner, I want to build toward something more... and you're leaving so soon!"
I am, in fact, moving away from the area in around a month. Or was planning to, anyway.
That truth, or the eminent reasonableness of her stricture, did nothing to alleviate the the hole growing in my gut. I thought the term "lovesick" was poetic license; I had not thought to grapple with the biology of the situation. Physiologically the feeling differs only slightly from the flutters one gets in one's stomach with infatuation. But the psychology is crushing.
I had only the courage to lightly state my case. "All the more reason for us to strike while the iron is hot." I resisted the urge to use the Alpha Centauri line, "The universe has spared us this moment," but only just; I can make no promises for the future.
"But I completely understand, if that's what you're looking for, why we wouldn't be compatible partners."
Next, she ripped my heart out, pissed on it, and stomped on it for good measure.
"Don't go anywhere," she said, as she wandered across the room, and draped herself over another man's lap, one that she had known from before. I briefly considered wandering around the party, before obediently opening up one of the magazines of fetish photography lying around.
She kept me like that for fifteen minutes, during which someone had taken her spot on the couch. I had considered asking the interloper to take off, to save it for a private-ish conversation between the two of us, before thinking better of it.
When my goddess came over to the couch, she immediately chatted up my new companion. Within ten minutes, they were negotiating their scene. I remained at the edge of the conversation for another five, before deciding that the handle of gin back home would be more kindly.
Given my concerns about coming off as too clingy, and the communications that led to that concern, I find it difficult to believe that she had no clue of what she was doing to me. She knew I was head over heels. Were her actions an attempt to communicate as forcefully as possible, "no seriously, I mean it, there's really nothing between us."? Was I simply missing something, completely misreading the situation, overestimating how much she considered the effects of her actions on me? Or was this her kink; did she get off on stoking the fires of my passion, only to extinguish all hopes of their resolution in the most painful way possible?
Part of me - most of me - hopes it's that last one.
I've never felt so alive.
Yesterday, I could have forseen nothing that would keep me anchored here. I was leaving a place of bitter memories to return to the only place I had ever known happiness, with the people I loved, a place that differs only in the minutest details to how I would construct heaven.
Five shots in, I think I can and will forego all of that for the slimmest chance at happiness with her. And part of me - most of me - hopes that she will leave me gasping for air and begging for release, twisting the knife in exquisitely painful ways my impoverished imagination cannot fathom.
I want to immolate myself on her pyre.
krypt0nian
Banned
Cad, you are truly a life poet.
- Status