So...if you had to choose an intimate partner from amongst the races of Middle Earth, which would it be?
Here is my personal ranking, with breakdown and reasoning:
#1 Hobbit female Rosie Cotton is my dream woman! Fact is, my current soulmate is very much like her in stature and beauty. Hobbit women are kind, down-to-earth, and can cook! No pretense - just pipeweed, ale, snug hobbit-holes, and making babies. (By snug hobbit-hole I mean their dwellings of course)
#2 Orc/Goblin female Yes, of course I rank Orc females FAR ABOVE human women. Exotic, spicy...dare I say ethnic? I guarantee one of these dark seductresses would be quite unrestrained in the bedroom! Not marriage material certainly, but for a night or two in a filthy Bree roominghouse? YES PLEASE!! Dont give me that there are no orc females bullcrap either, Nerds of Arda.
#3 Elf female (or male!?) Heres where it gets weird. Yes, absolutely, Id swing for a male elf (I am also male), and - I do not think that makes me bisensual. Theyre all just so damn PRETTY. Throw me in a bed with any one of these silky-skinned, glowy beings and wed discover new definitions of pleasure! Figwit!! The whole eternal life thing makes them unfit for long-term relationships though.
#4 Dwarf female Smallish like Hobbits, with a love of ale - but without the good looks and mild temperament and with nasty beards to boot. This would probably be a one off scenario just to say Id done it. Something you could brag to your mates about, perhaps?
#5 Bear (Beorn-clan changeling) female Cmon now! Weve all considered it! And how about this ultimate fantasy having her change mid-coitus for a sensual twist! Again, a one off bid..but how fun would this be? Admit it, youd give it as go!
#6 Human female BORRRRRING! Easy last place positioning on the chart. Human? Bah! Yecch! Who *HASNT* had a zillion of these entitled, self-righteous, insecure, vapid she-apes in their bed? So self-absorbed and whiny. TURN OFFFFF!!!! Id rather have relations with the loose-hanging folds of the Goblin Kings chin than a nagging human female. Amirite??
Please let me know your choice, I am compiling the results for an alternative sexuality course I am taking at the local Community College.
Warmest regards,
T. Shatner Principle, Esquire