Well, I watched it and the harsh reviews are pretty exaggerated. It is by no means a perfect movie, but neither is the original. The claim that this movie is "woke" is blowing things out of proportion. Yes, changing the great fairy into a bald black woman was kind of unnecessary, with the near-baldness being the most distracting and WTF part about it. But then again, she is even cut entirely from one of the only two scenes she originally appeared in, so it's not at all like this movie is centered around that in any way. It adds a few elements which feel out of place if you know the original movie, like doing some extra social justice commentary about how Stromboli treats his workers so badly that they eventually get rid of him - "eat the rich", if you will. It feels very unnecessary, because the original movie (and more importantly, the fairytale itself!) pretty much sold the message: "Listen to your parents and be aware of strangers". Here, the message gets more muddled down into what seems to say: "If something bad happens to you, there are others who have it worse". Which is pretty in line with certain modern activism... but for a classic fairytale with a pretty clear cut message, as I said, it feels like an unnecessary addition. But ultimately, it's not too distracting, and I think that in the end the movie basically hit all the strong points of the animated one, which in itself is a kind of weird movie in hindsight.
Talking about distraction, the "CGI quality distribution" is
very weird in this one. Pinocchio, of course, looks fantastic. It's literally the cartoon version come to life. That being said, it has the disadvantage of still looking like a cartoon. Like, the cartoon Pinocchio character design was not developed to look like a
realistic puppet, but a cartoon puppet one. Soooo, that's a little clash. But then again, I guess they opted for going with visual continuity to the original movie over something more realistic, and succeeded in that.
The supporting characters can be hit and miss. Jiminy is alright, the greatest offender is figaro the cat. Why they would 100% CGI a cat that has not much of a real role in the movie is completely beyond me, but that's modern moviemaking for you. In that regard, I really miss the 90s, when the cat would simply have been, well, a cat. That would have meant to tone down on the expressiveness and the amount of slapstick of the character, but I'd take a more toned down role with a real cat over a weirdly animated CGI cat any day.
That being said, I was sold on the movie the moment Honest John appeared on screen. Not only is he, somehow, the best animated character in the whole film, but he's just a brilliantly funny character to begin with, even moreso than in the original movie. Too bad that him and Gideon are, again, cut a little short because they miss out on one of their two major scenes. In the original movie, they were the one who sent Pinocchio to Pleasure Island; in this one, he basically gets picked up coincidentally on the kids' ride there.
Coming to think of it, the pair of Honest John and the Pleasure Island scenes really highlight two major weird facets of the original movie which are also in full display here. First, the fact that we have animated Cleo and Figarro, which are supposed to represent real, realistic animals, just very expressive ones. But them being CGI, and having anthropomorphic animals running around being fully CGI as well, it really makes you frown upon what kind of weird world the story takes place in. With John and Gideon just roaming around like ordinary people, it kind of explains why nobody is
too surprised that a wooden puppet like Pinocchio is suddenly alive. But then again, Gideon never talks. Is he even a real anthropomorphic animal? Or is he like the missing link between Figarro, the real cat, and humans/intelligent animals? Would Figarro be able to learn to walk upright and talk and smash a fox with a hammer? In the original movie, he jumps into a glas bowl to kiss a fish, so... maybe I'm overthinking this. But it's kinda weird.
Second: the whole deal with Pleasure Island. Soooo... the coachman ships kids off to a distant island, where there is a huge amusement park. Kids would drink beer (except for in this movie, the beer is CGI for some reason I cannot fathom, just so that one kid in one scene can jug down a gallon of it in two seconds I guess?), smoke cigars (except for this movie, which entirely omitted that because smoking is bad, kids), smash stuff, eat candy, go on roller coaster rides all day long, in short: have a good time. For free! And after all's said and done, the beer has been drugged to turn them into donkeys which are about to be shipped into the salt mines.
So you're telling me that the coachman, who has access to this magical wonderland and a
drug that literally makes people change their species (ah, I suppose we got a hint about where the anthropomorphic animals come from in this universe?), makes a living... selling, what, 50 donkeys per night? That was always a weird conjuncture in the original movie, but here, it's even more highlighted because of how flashy and loud the PI scenes are. It really makes you wonder why the hell the coachman has to sell some fucking donkeys and doesn't simply charge people to visit his Pleasure Island and make tenfold the living with it. But yeah, as I said, this was also a weird aspect of the animated movie and it's just a losely adapted fairytale in the end. Of course Pleasure Island stands for the tempations of hedonism, and Pinocchio needs to learn the lesson of withstanding that. Which, in this movie, is pretty underminded, because Pinocchio is never really comfortable with all the things going on there in the first place. Yes, he agrees to go to the island on his own (after a pretty manipulative song, that is), but the moment they get there, he's like "Nah, I don't think that's a good idea". So the moral falls really flat in this act, because unlike the original animated movie, Pinocchio never really embraces the temptations of the island. He reluctantly drinks some beer and he plays some pool, he even complains about Lampwick not playing by the rules, and that's it. In the original, the lesson was much stronger because Pinocchio actually was fairly tempted and gave in to some of his inner crazy child. He enjoyed his time with the other kids there and thought that a life of all fun and games was a cool thing. And then he had to pay a price for that. Here, he pays a (smaller) price for... reluctantly sitting there and watching other people have fun. The thing is... if you have a movie about Pinocchio - which should be a tale about a boy who learns to speak the truth because his nose grows when he is lying - and you only have one scene where the lying and nosegrowing part even play a role in, and you dedicate the rest of your movie to episodes of "fun and dangerous adventures Pinocchio has in a world that's unfamiliar to him", the morals in these episodes should not fall flat. At all. They should be the strong points of your narrative, and the third act of the movie is a bit of a letdown in that regard.
So, all in all, I
would say that this was actually one of the better live action attempts (with the best one yet being Aladdin, imho). It's certainly better than the last D+ exclusive release on that front,
Lady and the Tramp; and I also enjoyed it more than
Lion King, because that one basically recreated the animated one in worse ways, frame for frame at times. Pinocchio 2022 doesn't do that, and it still nails all the important parts of the animated original, mostly. Some additions are a tad unnecessary, but they are ultimately not too distracting, and I had some genuine fun with the movie, with Honest John being the clear highlight in it. Strangely, by the end they seem to kind of loosely set up for a possible sequel? Which, if they went off in the direction that I suspect they would with this one, could be a real disaster of a movie, but probably a "so bad it's good" one. Just one hint without wanting to spoil too much: Pinocchio love interest.
So yeah, if you have any interest in the movie, go watch it, you can't do much wrong with its one and a half hour runtime imho.
How did they handle the boys turning into donkeys? It must be uncomfortable, since that is essentially the kind of lifestyle Disney wants to promote.
The entire setup and sequence is not quite as dark and intimidating as in the original one, but the body horror aspects of that certain scene are still legitimately terrifying in this one.