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The Official Howard Stern Show Thread

H

Harry Potter

Banned
2DOKkORh.jpg
 
RangersFan

RangersFan

Member
elisa jordana is not hot, and her annoying personality makes her even less attractive. rachel fine on the other hand is hot as hell...
 
RangersFan

RangersFan

Member
Harry Potter said:
Just came across an oldie that I forgot about. Artie fights with pornstar Crystal Clear. If you've never seen this I'd recommend watching the whole thing. One of my favorite Stern show moments.
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i remember that, it was hilarious. she hated artie so bad and had to be calmed down by her bf or porn producer or whatever. and i love when they kept ripping more racist jokes after they would apologize profusely to further enrage her.
 
Grinchy

Grinchy

Banned
Yeah, Artie could be a real piece of shit. I loved every minute of it.

I also don't really think Elisa is that hot. I think she has an awesome body and a questionable fashion sense, but that face just does not do it for me.
 
RangersFan

RangersFan

Member
Grinchy said:
Yeah, Artie could be a real piece of shit. I loved every minute of it.

I also don't really think Elisa is that hot. I think she has an awesome body and a questionable fashion sense, but that face just does not do it for me.
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exactly it's the face, her body is great.
 
L

LordCanti

Member
Grinchy said:
I also don't really think Elisa is that hot. I think she has an awesome body and a questionable fashion sense, but that face just does not do it for me.
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It's her voice that really turns me off. That, and the willingness to pretend that Benjy is having sex with her.
 
B

Boards of Canada

Member
MDavis360 said:
I think my favorite drop of all time is Dominic going "Ahhhhh!" And it sounds like he's gargling.
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That is an amazing drop. Last year, or the year before, Fred played that drop along with Ronnie's "Yeaaaah" (not the loud one, a soft one) during the news. I was on the bus and I nearly pissed myself laughing. I wish I could find it...

And I've heard him talk about his bowling alley a couple times on the air. Plus, there was discussion of his teeth a while back. Actually, quite a few times. I'm a "hardcore" listener, I listen all the time. Never missed a show since 1998.
 
Grinchy

Grinchy

Banned
Boards of Canada said:
And I've heard him talk about his bowling alley a couple times on the air. Plus, there was discussion of his teeth a while back. Actually, quite a few times. I'm a "hardcore" listener, I listen all the time. Never missed a show since 1998.
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Well, Howard only says he got his teeth done "after Private Parts." He hasn't admitted to getting them done again lately, or at least I never heard it. When he first got them done, he got pretty normal looking ones. Now he has piano keys in his mouth and is pretending he hasn't done any recent changes. On top of that, he'll pull Sal into the studio and berate him over his new, overly-white teeth.
 
B

Boards of Canada

Member
Grinchy said:
Well, Howard only says he got his teeth done "after Private Parts." He hasn't admitted to getting them done again lately, or at least I never heard it. When he first got them done, he got pretty normal looking ones. Now he has piano keys in his mouth and is pretending he hasn't done any recent changes. On top of that, he'll pull Sal into the studio and berate him over his new, overly-white teeth.
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He talked about it a few times last year. It was clear he didn't like talking about it, but he made some sort of reference to doing it because of AGT. Gary also brought up his teeth during a fight last year. Not sure why Sal hasn't... maybe he's scared :p

I do agree that Howard has definitely made an edict, whether through Gary or Tim, not to make fun of him. When callers call in to shows on 101 and say anything bad about him, they immediately end the call (or hit the delay button) and all evidence of what the caller said is wiped out of replays. It was very common on Back Office Radio.
 
RangersFan

RangersFan

Member
it is quite sad whenever in the rare instance and caller gets on that has legit gripes about the current state of the show, Howards only response is to go ahead and cancel your subscription.

what gets me more down on the show is I've been listening to a lot of the 2006 early satellite shows and they were great then. They hit that sweet spot with the uncensored bits that would have been censored on radio, whilst at the same time creating new content and having events like roasts to look forward to. it's so funny listening to fred genuinely cackle at all of arties quips during robin's news and general discussion. where as now you hear fred forcing a laugh when howard goes on some unfunny leno type joke.

fuck i find myself missing even bits i didn't care for in the past like mike walker gossip game on thursdays. but what really infuriates me with howard is even with the decline at least i had my 101 shows that entertained me somewhat on his channels. instead now they're either canceled or on rewind for the past month.
 
Grinchy

Grinchy

Banned
^TBH, it kinda rambles on but it's still a fun read.

Step 1. Spend 25 years brutally bashing celebrities for being self-absorbed, humorless attention whores. Send out stuttering assholes to torment them anytime they step onto a red carpet or promote a vanity “charity” project. Goof relentlessly on old idiots with fake hair, Chiclets for teeth, contrived costumes for clothes, and elitist attitudes and habits. Devote your entire career during that time and your entire persona to the fight for “free speech” against the FCC. Rant and rave against radio management for “ruining my show” with too many commercials. Express outrage at the lack of “integrity” of shows that permit product placements.

Step 2. Routinely tell millions of people that other people’s wives are “horse-faces” and “fidgets” and “butherfaces”; pray that other people’s little kids become gay junkies; and play (replay, and re-replay) daily clips from TV shows that are so bad they’re almost good. Destroy competing disc-jockeys for promoting the stupid vanity bullshit of their talentless wives and for shilling their stupid books and other shit in their shows. Call them out for using ghostwriters to “write” their books.

Step 3. Call out your competitors for “doing a disservice” to their audiences because they don’t work 5 days a week. Repeat that mantra countless times on the air and on guest appearances on TV. Call out idiots in the entertainment industry for being untalented bags of shit who got lucky in the looks department. Spend your whole 6th decade of life glued to some hair that got ripped off a Third-World person’s head. Crow about all your charitable work for the NSAL from under that hair hat and show up to NSAL events wearing leather and carrying obscenely expensive leather purses and manpurses.

Step 4. Start taking up all the hobbies and habits that you spent endless hours tearing other people new assholes for. Get super busy buying Eurotrash clothes for teens with a know-nothing creepy fuck who has been caught stealing money from poker tables and at dinner tables and who makes Kato Kaelin look like a Nobel laureate. Insert clauses into all contracts establishing that creepy fuck’s importance to provide him a lifetime salary for nothing and establishing the “paramount” importance of the rest of the ’round-the-clock looks maintenance team that you employ on the dime of your TV show. Refer to all that vain shit as “evolution” instead of admitting it and just allowing it to generate some harmless humor and goofing at your expense in the spirit of what your show used to be about for 25+ years.

Step 5. Refuse to allow the same sources of humor that used to be organic to your show by letting a psychotic cunt opt out of uncomfortable conversations even though she contributes nothing else of value to your show. When she embarrasses herself all by herself on the air over something ridiculous and walks off the show, refuse to allow any comment on it on your show or on any other show on your 2 channels. Pretend it never happened. Bore us with Ralph’s “input” daily but then hold back on the one thing he did that got him banned from your home. Reference it regularly, always declining to discuss it, and invite Ralph to do it himself for the 10th time. Bore us with Benjy’s endless unfunny shtick but even let him opt out of conversations about a photograph taken of exactly the way that idiot chooses to present himself in public at your party. Keep replaying the “No more Bullshit” mantra during commercials.

Step 6. Start changing your tune about all those talentless shitbags who got lucky every time your new wife meets one of them. Share a private jet with one of them and his mega-famous wife but barely mention it on the show. Blow off long-term employees’ weddings that were planned around your convenience and previous complaints about time of year and location to make last-minute social plans with that same talentless shitbag you recently befriended. Ignore the funeral of two 25-year employees’ parents (except to have your assistant send flowers and food) but make sure you personally attend those of anybody famous if you met them only once or twice at a party when they were alive because those are opportunities to see and be seen. Cry like a cunt (again) that you weren’t given preferential seating as a VIP.

Step 7. Refuse to replace the only funny person on the show and turn what was a funny show that relied on your orchestrating other people’s humor into a safe, 2-way conversation about gay TV shows between you and a no-talent cunt who was never remotely interesting, funny, or entertaining, except in the few ways that you have now decided to protect her from. “Meanwhile,” allow her to promote her various vanity projects and those of her shitbag friends and the douchebag she fucks but refuses to discuss on the air as much as she wants instead of show content. Refuse to include any of the actual show “talent” in harmless bits like the IQ test and foist anything potentially embarrassing on the office staff nobody gives a flying fuck about. Impose strict moratorium on any discussion of your indoor bowling alley and those new in-mouth pins you call “teeth.”

Step 8. Cut back your days to 4 and then 3 per week, but make sure you first lie to your audience about your intention to do just that each time. Call it something incredibly patronizing and stupid and sleazy like “some Fridays” and a “flexible” schedule when it’s actually every Friday for the next 5 years and it’s so calculated and completely inflexible that the contract spells out the exact number of shows required and you end up having to make up some before the end of the year because you accidentally took off even more days than you were allowed to by contract. Make it painfully obvious that you refuse to be there a single minute beyond your formal obligation, start playing as many commercials as you used to say “ruined your show” and also cram in about a dozen live reads during the last hour of the show. Insert countless bumpers and music to waste still more time. Start the show at 6:10 instead of 6:00 as often as possible. Respond to fans’ totally understandable and legitimate complaints by telling them you piss on them. Just keep insisting that the show’s “better than ever” that this is “the best crew we’ve ever had” and that you “hit it outta the park” daily. Rely exclusively on the opinions of celebrity sycophants and of 2 or 3 obsessed wackjob fans and torment your audience with regular calls from the most annoying Long Island twat who ever lived who has nothing better to do than live on the phone on hold 4 hours every fucking day that your show is live. Install an ISDN line so we can hear the one with an 85 IQ and nothing interesting to say (ever) pretend that he’s not using every point of his miniscule IQ struggling to read his pathetic list of asshole-licking questions he stayed up all night writing just to tape himself praise every smelly shit you take for the 1,000th time. Take absolutely no note of the fact that those two and dimwit losers like “Double A” and a leaching shitbag who can’t even figure out how to wipe his ass after 40 years on the planet are representative of the type of individuals who really think you’re a person to be “admired.”

Step 9. Work 3 days a week and make it very clear that you consider that doing your fans a huge fuckin’ favor. Spend the rest of your time on the same hobbies you once tore others new assholes for taking seriously, walking red carpets, and tweeting out ridiculously photoshopped pictures of your model wife that are so bad that the vanity calendar you created actually makes it onto photshopgonewrong.com. Start crying like a cunt (again) on the air that your fans are too “mean” because they’ve been goofing on you and your wife and your stupid statements and projects on the Internet the exact same way you’ve always goofed on other celebutards before you became one. Implore the owner of an independent website not affiliated in any way with your show to close down his forum because you don’t like what your fans have been saying about how horrible your show’s become in the last 2 years and about your wife’s looks. Don’t consider for even a split second that they may actually have any valid complaint or a point about the show’s incredible drop in quality since Artie left. Continue not inviting him in for an interview while he tours other shows and broadcasts his own 5 nights a week even though he’s said he’d love to come in to talk about everything. Claim it’s strictly out of concern for “him.”

Step 10. Come back the next day and close out the year by announcing that you’ve taken a job on the gayest TV show of all time that your fans hated just hearing you talk about for the last few years on the same network that you called Jay Leno a cunt for continuing to work for after they fucked him the same way they once fucked you. Cut back your horrible show to 2 days any week that you choose to “work” at that other job you only took as a “Fuck you” to your current employer for “only” paying you about $80 million in your new contract. Use about an hour per remaining show to explain how grueling it is to be on a TV show and that you’re still working very hard whenever you’re not on the air for Sirius.

Congratulations KOAM. Enjoy your retirement. Good luck with that whole Internet censorship campaign thing.
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D

Dr_Boris_Goltz

Banned
Damn that rant is spot on.

I have seriously listened to Stern since I was a child, and his drop in quality is MASSIVE.

Edit: Hateman often nailed stuff akin to that diatribe if you look past the blatant racism.
 
S

sykoex

Lost all credibility.
MDavis360 said:
Hey check it out-now you can be Fred Norris:

http://www.soundboard.com/sb/zombievsshark
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I think my favorite is "ah bwiglee ara dah yaga mwo, ah, mugu wo-gay-yo."

undercoverb0ss said:
http://madmikesamerica.com/2013/04/...-formula-for-a-horrible-premature-retirement/

Sad but true
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Listening to old episodes, it's crazy how often Howard contradicts his present day self. From talking about how The Mark & Brian Show on KLOS-FM are wimps for screening calls and not letting through anything critical, to chastising John for suggesting they take off Fridays because it's a "disservice to the audience."
 
U

undercoverb0ss

Member
RangersFan said:
fuck i find myself missing even bits i didn't care for in the past like mike walker gossip game on thursdays. but what really infuriates me with howard is even with the decline at least i had my 101 shows that entertained me somewhat on his channels. instead now they're either canceled or on rewind for the past month.
Click to expand...

Wow, I actually forgot about the Mike Walker game but now that you mention it I do miss it haha.
 
M

Maklershed

Member
" He also doesn't always agree with America, saying that last season's winners (the Olate Dogs) were not the best act. "I would have picked another act to win," he said. "But America chose them. ... America is buying the tickets."

The Olate dogs made it because he was doing everything he could to cock block the other acts to make it easier for Tom Cotter and his plan backfired.

Those dogs were so lame btw. Its part of the reason why I definitely wont be watching this year. Why invest time watching a show where incredible talent gets ignored for something like dogs walking on their hind legs? It was the same shit every time they performed.


MDavis360 said:
I listened to "The Power of Drops" hoping to hear the origin of this....didn't happen. But I was thrilled to discover the origin of that "WHOAAAAAAAAA" soundbite-from Our Gang!
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I actually remember that. I think it was Richard talking to a crazy homeless guy a few years ago. He just talked gibberish for the most part.
 
L

LordCanti

Member
sykoex said:
I think my favorite is "ah bwiglee ara dah yaga mwo, ah, mugu wo-gay-yo."


Listening to old episodes, it's crazy how often Howard contradicts his present day self. From talking about how The Mark & Brian Show on KLOS-FM are wimps for screening calls and not letting through anything critical, to chastising John for suggesting they take off Fridays because it's a "disservice to the audience."
Click to expand...

Now he takes entire weeks off to shoot a show none of his fans (except the real nuts like Bobo and MAFB) care about.
 
P

PotatoeMasher

Member
I tried to watch America's Got Talent last year but the editing and production was so shitty that it made me want to vomit. I can't imagine adults watching that show.
 
M

Maklershed

Member
PotatoeMasher said:
I tried to watch America's Got Talent last year but the editing and production was so shitty that it made me want to vomit. I can't imagine adults watching that show.
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DVR + fast forward button is a must for that show. So much time is wasted. Take out the commercials and filler and you have about 15 minutes of actual performance time.
 
S

Synth_floyd

Banned
Olate Dogs were pretty good, the problem is they are literally a 90 second act. The other acts like Tom Cotter or the Earth Harp guy you can sustain for a 90 min or 2 hour show. Olate Dogs was great for AGT but I'm sure they would only be a mediocre act if you actually saw their show.
 
P

PotatoeMasher

Member
I thought AGT was about finding new acts and stuff. Cotter seemed to be just another comedian who had already been around the block (I just went and watched his awful appearance on the Tonight Show well before he graced the AGT stage).

Earth harp guy is the only act other than Horse that I remember.
 
Grinchy

Grinchy

Banned
Synth_floyd said:
Olate Dogs were pretty good, the problem is they are literally a 90 second act. The other acts like Tom Cotter or the Earth Harp guy you can sustain for a 90 min or 2 hour show. Olate Dogs was great for AGT but I'm sure they would only be a mediocre act if you actually saw their show.
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IMO Tom Cotter was a hack. He went on stage and told jokes that Jackie would have told (ie: jokes he never wrote but instead just memorized from the stone ages)
 
W

Where's my goat?

Member
I started listening right around the time Howard went to Sirius. Anyone have any show suggestions for before then? Pretty much the only before Sirius shows I've listened to are September 11 and the Gary apology tape.
 
S

sykoex

Lost all credibility.
Where's my goat? said:
I started listening right around the time Howard went to Sirius. Anyone have any show suggestions for before then? Pretty much the only before Sirius shows I've listened to are September 11 and the Gary apology tape.
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In general Cpuss has some awesome clips. You can sort by "most popular" for the classics.

Also, I was looking for an excuse to post this: Howard goofing on Louis Farrakhan's Million Man March speech for about an hour. I was in tears from laughing so hard at this.
 
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