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[etiolate]

Picking the right Bibleman DVD is crucial.

dude the fibbler is awesome

And Bicentennial Man is 100x worse than Patch Adams.

 

[FrenchMovieTheme]

 

[El Papa]

you know, ive found that every single thing that says bruce lee on it aside from the actual movies he made when he was alive are all some of the most painful tihngs ever spliced together. Sometimes literally its just footage that was spliced together. I bet clones of bruce lee and fist of fear touch of death are not that far apart

You are so right. In one of the movies I mentioned, they literally, as you said, spliced footage of Bruce Lee in. He's not in the movie at all, they just put him in, like they needed his image to validate it as a Bruce Lee exploitation film. Total pain. Watch Clones of Bruce Lee, you will want to disembowel yourself or choke on you vomit laughing (if you're drunk enough).

 

[deadhorse32]

You want to see that piece of CRAP

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366242/

The Black Ninja is one of those "should have" films. It should have been marketed as the low budget, amateur project that it is, rather than as a potentially gratifying b-grade exploitation piece in order to keep expectations to a minimum. It should have been a short film, omitting overlong dialogue while making better use of limited resources. It should have been campier. A vigilante ninja clad in black while riding a Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle should not be taken seriously. Finally, it should have had nothing to do with ninjas to begin with since the martial arts action is miserably weak!

Yet no amount of good intentions manages to steer The Black Ninja in the right direction. You’ll be hard pressed to find a cheaper looking or less exciting action flick anywhere. I’m all for fun Sho Kosugi action ‘80’s style, but hardly making any effort to portray ninjitsu arts when you’re selling an urban “ninja” film and doing so in such poor fashion is pitiful indeed. Avoid this turkey like the plague!

http://www.kungfucinema.com/reviews/blackninja.htm

Spoiler

I have it on DVD

 

[Hitokage]

Heh, talked with White Man for a bit...

...

 

[muttyeah416]

hello where are the disney original movies??

here we have the double raven whammy pick. the ultimate winner

 

[Peru]

Patch Adams really is as bad as they say. The most sticky icky film I've ever watched.

 

[G-Fex]

good lord man, you're looking for bad movies in the wrong place, HOLLYWOOD VIDEO, has all the most horribly funny low budget straight to dvd titles you could ever want, theres a shitload of them. Anyways wheres that one site someone linked to those horrible trailers that were actually movies? Get those.

My suggestions, Son of the Mask, Vampiyaz, the jack frost (horror) movies.

Oh, and STEEL!

 

[Belfast]

A lot of these are bad movies, but going by White Man's taste, that doesn't even matter. He relishes bad cinema! What you've got to go for are the middle-ground "safe, feel-good" flicks that are fed through the grinder each season. Bad movies have their place in the spectrum, but movies like Patch Adams are the filmic equivalent of filler. It's painful because it can't be enjoyed on ANY LEVEL.

 

[medrew]

I love Corey Haim, but this isn't so bad that's good. It's just plain bad.


Also:

Fucking terrible.

 

[sprsk]

You want to see that piece of CRAP

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366242/





http://www.kungfucinema.com/reviews/blackninja.htm

Spoiler

I have it on DVD

ive actually seen this

you can hear the film cameras running in some scenes. also watch the bonus documentary on the making of the film to see a bunch of people talking about how this isnt a "black" movie! its great!

 

[sprsk]

A lot of these are bad movies, but going by White Man's taste, that doesn't even matter. He relishes bad cinema! What you've got to go for are the middle-ground "safe, feel-good" flicks that are fed through the grinder each season. Bad movies have their place in the spectrum, but movies like Patch Adams are the filmic equivalent of filler. It's painful because it can't be enjoyed on ANY LEVEL.

true, but some are so bad that they cant be enjoyed by anyone.

 

[sefskillz]

i think length is going to be a huge factor. is one sitting required? something like anne of green gables length and a little bit more terrible could bring this contest home for someone.

 

[Icanplaythat]

 

[deadhorse32]

ive actually seen this

you can hear the film cameras running in some scenes. also watch the bonus documentary on the making of the film to see a bunch of people talking about how this isnt a "black" movie! its great!

There is no bonus on the version I have

I'm gonna try to cut a real nice trailer FOR BLACK NINJA

 

[El Papa]

If you do, I would love to see it.

 

[White Man]

Haha, MAF, Drinky, after watching what Hito's recommended, you'll WISH you were watching The Falls and Jungle Holocaust. I don't know what you guys did to him, but he must hate you or something.

 

[Ash Housewares]

We're gonna buy 'em in FULLSCREEN, too.

you sick son of a bitch

 

[SupaFlySoccerMom]

Also, you should only get full screen versions if at all possible.

WTF? Is that the same cover style for Love Actually also??

Edit:

Sorta =\

 

[ohamsie]

the worst movies I have ever seen, all seen in one week:

Kangaroo Jack
Master of Disguise
The Adventures of Pluto Nash

 

[Minotauro]

Someone should really make a strong effort to track this one down somehow. I caught it on a public access station last weekend and it literally hurt me to watch it. I've never come across something as sensorially irksome as this garbage.

EDIT:

also i recommend the bruce lee documentary fist of fear touch of death. Its not about bruce lee, but about who the successor to bruce lee will be, and the tournament they show clips of during the movie is actually a self defense seminar thing at madison square garden. it climaxes with a kickboxing match between these two random dudes to decide who is the next bruce lee. this can be bought at best buy for like 2 dollars.

Let it be known that I made my original declaration before reading through the whole thread.

 

[bishoptl]

I'd like to recommend a gem my old roommate found while dumpster diving at Wal-Mart.

BLACK RAGE

The story of two slave brothers, one black and the other albino...if albino means Nordic blonde, that is...throttling their slavemaster to near death over a treasure map and escaping through the same goddamn swamp for half an hour. Then they run into a beautiful white woman who lives in a shack. Oh, there's an explosion too. And chicken-chasing. And bicycle stealing. And a

Spoiler

secret clan of freed slaves who live in the swamp and have never been discovered, despite it being a major thoroughfare for escaped slaves. Allegedly.

There's a guy on the front of the box who looks like a roided-up Ralph Tresvant in overalls, flexing. On the side, he's simultaneously choking out a slavemaster while attempting to stab him with a pitchfork. It is eight shades of madness and it is beautiful.

I will drive down the I-5 to put this in White Man's hands, if necessary. You MUST SEE THIS FILM.

Also known as Charcoal Black, Catch the Black Sunshine, and Sunshine Run.

 

[VALIS]

As a fellow cine-snob/trash movie fan, it's gonna be a tough month for White Man. I'm literally cringing at some of these suggestions. That's the way to go to get him reeling, awful romantic "dramadies" and maudlin feel good family puke. Nice work! :lol


BTW, White Man, is The Falls on DVD? All I have is a blackmarket VHS-to-DVD transfer. I also have most of his shorter 1970s films on a three or four DVDs, drop me a PM if you don't have, I'll make you copies (a couple of the discs are PAL).

 

[White Man]

BTW, White Man, is The Falls on DVD? All I have is a blackmarket VHS-to-DVD transfer. I also have most of his shorter 1970s films on a three or four DVDs, drop me a PM if you don't have, I'll make you copies (a couple of the discs are PAL).

Yep, just a month or so back:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EQ5UNM/?tag=neogaf0e-20

It's a 2 DVD set.

Films included:
Intervals (1969, 6 mins)
Windows (1974, 4 mins)
Dear Phone (1976, 17 mins)
H Is for House (1976, 9 mins)
A Walk Through H (1978, 41 mins)
Water Wrackets (1978, 11 mins)
Vertical Features Remake (1978, 44 mins)
The Falls (1980, 195 mins)

Do you have any short films not included in the set?

I like The Falls, myself. My original strategy was to pick movies that I like, but I know would probably grate on MAF and Drinky.

 

[VALIS]

Yep, just a month or so back:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EQ5UNM/?tag=neogaf0e-20

It's a 2 DVD set.

Films included:
Intervals (1969, 6 mins)
Windows (1974, 4 mins)
Dear Phone (1976, 17 mins)
H Is for House (1976, 9 mins)
A Walk Through H (1978, 41 mins)
Water Wrackets (1978, 11 mins)
Vertical Features Remake (1978, 44 mins)
The Falls (1980, 195 mins)

Do you have any short films not included in the set?

I like The Falls, myself. My original strategy was to pick movies that I like, but I know would probably grate on MAF and Drinky.

Awesome. My black market copy of The Falls was decent, but I'll gladly buy the upgrade.

Here's what Greenaway I have on DVD:

8½ Women,1999,118 mins
The Baby of Macon,1993,122 mins
The Belly of an Architect,1987,108 mins
The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover,1989,124 mins
Dear Phone,1977,17 mins
The Draughtsman's Contract,1982,103 mins
Drowning By Numbers,1988,118 mins
The Falls,1980,185 mins
H Is for House,1973,10 mins
Intervals,1969,7 mins
The Pillow Book,1996,126 mins
The Tulse Luper Suitcases: The Moab Story,2003,127 mins
A TV Dante,1989,88 mins
Vertical Features Remake,1976,45 mins
A Walk Through H,1978,41 mins
Water Wrackets,1975,12 mins
Windows,1975,4 mins
A Zed & Two Noughts,1985,115 mins

 

[Trellisaze]

Even the combination of Franka Potente and Mandy Moore in her underwear isn't enough to wash away the stench of Elijah Wood's attempt to channel teenage angst.

 

[Zep]

 

[Hitokage]

My original strategy was to pick movies that I like, but I know would probably grate on MAF and Drinky.

You should probably stick with that. Leave my suggestion for the contestant declared to be the OVERALL LOSER of the event, then it'll be revealed and the pain will truly begin.

Extra incentive not to slack off.

 

[sprsk]

ive seen this too. oh man dolemite playing gameboy with a shaolin monk. Davy crockett in the middle of china

what the hell was going on with this movie

 

[pollo]

Because my thread got fucking ignored:

Trust me, he won't wanna come out after seeing this movie.

Horrible. No plot, no nothing.

 

[Matlock]

You should probably stick with that. Leave my suggestion for the contestant declared to be the OVERALL LOSER of the event, then it'll be revealed and the pain will truly begin.

Extra incentive not to slack off.

hitokage's pick: the worst kept secret on gaf

 

[Red Scarlet]

This topic is neat. Have a fun time! Can't think of any movies that would be super duper horrible.

 

[Eric P]

my girl 2
what dreams may come

 

[sprsk]

OH O HOH


man i totally forgot

DOPE CASE PENDING

watch it. live it. love it.

favorite quote "maan that girl is fine BAM BAM BAM no aids!" (the only part i remember is the no aids part really)

its brilliant dv cam cinema

 

[Hitokage]

hitokage's pick: the worst kept secret on gaf

Wow, you work for the NSA? Seriously though, while it's possible for you to figure out the genre, I doubt you can figure out the specific title.

 

[Bowen_B]

:lol actually so bad it's good.

 

[Jewbacca]

MAKE HIM WATCH THIS

ITS FUCKING HORRENDOUS.

 

[etiolate]

 

[mashoutposse]

Hey MAF, didn't you guys do this for games a few years ago?

 

[pollo]

Hey MAF, didn't you guys do this for games a few years ago?

it was actually a few months ago, but yea, they did

 

[Icanplaythat]

Hey MAF, didn't you guys do this for games a few years ago?

Robocop made drinky cry.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56422

 

[MrAngryFace]

Haha I remember that:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1681888&postcount=169

 

[White Man]

MAF and Drinky have purchased their selections and given them to me.

MAF's pick:

White Man's initial impressions: I hate Australians and family entertainment. Features a song by the Baha Men. Rated PG, which means they can't even say "fuck" or show boobies. Chance of extreme violence seems distant, at best.

Drinky's pick:

History of Volence star Ed Harris (NSFW) in a movie that appears to be half Forrest Gump, half dumbass sports movie. Regretfully does not feature the Baha Men's hit "Who Let the Tards Out." Back of the DVD claims to be able to make me laugh, cry, or cheer, but I'll be the judge of that.

 

[Flynn]

Radio is best watched very, very drunk.

I didn't notice any rules regarding inebriation. Loophole?

 

[White Man]

Radio is best watched very, very drunk.

I didn't notice any rules regarding inebriation. Loophole?

No, I don't think they expect me to make it through these movies sober. I said just before that by the time Radio is over, I'll probably be qualified to play him in the sequel.

 

[JPRaup]

Radio isnt THAT bad, but its pretty horrible

 

[Do The Mario]

Care to share the crocodile hunter special features with us?

 

[Drinky Crow]

A DEFINITE MUST FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY

 

[White Man]

Care to share the crocodile hunter special features with us?

Making of documentary
"Lights! Camera! Animals!" Featurette
Deleted Scenes Introduced by the Director
Behind-the-scenes effects footage
Baha Men Music Video :-( :-( :-(
Pop-up Croc Track (?)
Outback Interactive Games
Photo Gallery
Trailers

 

[MrAngryFace]

Whiteman was showing me the trailer on his Mac and he couldnt even make it through it. I dunno if it was the BAHA Men's rendition of Crocodile rock, or the horrible President Bush impersonator.

To quote Whiteman:

"FU** This!" *slams keyboard to stop*