this is weird, my cousin is jacking off with my netbook

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mysticwhip said:
so my cousin lives with me, he's like 28. Never really used computers much before so i let him use my netbook(which is my primary computer) got it back, look through the history and there's porn everywhere. So i say don't go to these sites so often cuz i dont want viruses fucking my shit off, y'know? but then im like fuck it because he's been nice and pretty cool and i show im how to access he incognito window, the next time i let him use it im expecting him to go wild but i hope no. he smokes weed a lot so im hoping he's just looking at it and not cumming everywhere because y'know it's kinda hard to get your dick hard when high but maybe thats just me. so basically i kinda feel uncomfortable knowing that he's jacking off using my computer. man idk, every1 has a right to jack off but idk man.
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Yeah.. think that's just you buddy :lol
 
Surface of Me said:
What does your sister's boyfriend look like?
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img-thing
 
You would let your daughter continue to use a shaft of wood for it rather than get her something built for it and be done with the thought? I dunno that's just proper parenting
 
Mordeccai said:
Alright I will tell the other half of the story. My parents are nurses and pretty open with us kids and obviously didn't want their daughter to use my drumsticks for pleasure because they're wood. Splinters and stuff I guess. My mom took her to a sex store and got a proper piece of equipment for the deed. I thought this was weird especially because I used to just use hand lotion or baby oil and she owned a device but whatever. They walked back into the house after and it was ebony in color. The sight of it burned into my eyes. I did not ever want to see the thing.

A few weeks later I'm walking down the stairs to get a snack from the kitchen. Its below her room, so you can hear sounds coming out of there. We had televisions in our rooms so I heard muffled excited sounds which I took as some movie she was watching. Walk back upstairs with my food to my room and I picked up the landline phone that we used at the time. It was hooked up to all the other phones in the house, so when I clicked it on to dial my friend I heard the most wrong, horrifying noises on the other end. I had clicked into the pleasure call my sister was treating her boyfriend to. I was audibly shocked and her boyfriend on the other line heard my gasp. My sister heard as well. He says "What the fuck man!"

I turned the phone off quickly, plagued by imagery of that ebony dildo.
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HVIXD.gif
 
Holy jesus I should read the rest of the thread before I just respond to one post on page 1. Mordeccai, are you trolling?
 
Mordeccai said:
Alright I will tell the other half of the story. My parents are nurses and pretty open with us kids and obviously didn't want their daughter to use my drumsticks for pleasure because they're wood. Splinters and stuff I guess. My mom took her to a sex store and got a proper piece of equipment for the deed. I thought this was weird especially because I used to just use hand lotion or baby oil and she owned a device but whatever. They walked back into the house after and it was ebony in color. The sight of it burned into my eyes. I did not ever want to see the thing.

A few weeks later I'm walking down the stairs to get a snack from the kitchen. Its below her room, so you can hear sounds coming out of there. We had televisions in our rooms so I heard muffled excited sounds which I took as some movie she was watching. Walk back upstairs with my food to my room and I picked up the landline phone that we used at the time. It was hooked up to all the other phones in the house, so when I clicked it on to dial my friend I heard the most wrong, horrifying noises on the other end. I had clicked into the pleasure call my sister was treating her boyfriend to. I was audibly shocked and her boyfriend on the other line heard my gasp. My sister heard as well. He says "What the fuck man!"

I turned the phone off quickly, plagued by imagery of that ebony dildo.
Click to expand...
questlove.gif
 
Mordeccai said:
You would let your daughter continue to use a shaft of wood for it rather than get her something built for it and be done with the thought? I dunno that's just proper parenting
Click to expand...

The best method for a chick to get off is two fingers at each side of the clit and rub in a circular motion.

I'm an expert on the matter, take my word for it.
 
mysticwhip said:
he smokes weed a lot so im hoping he's just looking at it and not cumming everywhere because y'know it's kinda hard to get your dick hard when high but maybe thats just me..
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This is not a problem I've ever experienced. If anything smoking a few hitters before rubbing one out enhances the experience. :)
 
Mordeccai said:
You would let your daughter continue to use a shaft of wood for it rather than get her something built for it and be done with the thought? I dunno that's just proper parenting
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She should just use a hairbrush handle like everyone else.
 
Kentpaul said:
The best method for a chick to get off is two fingers at each side of the clit and rub in a circular motion.

I'm an expert on the matter, take my word for it.
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that's the first thing i'd tell my daughter. screw the birds and bees talk, let's get right down to proper solo techniques.
 
Mordeccai said:
I know this feel.

I took my laptop home this winter and allowed my two sisters to use it. They're both younger than me, I'm only an undergrad, so I was confident there would be no issues.

Well, a few days pass and everythings going well. I decided to scroll through my history to find this video here on GAF the day prior, so I begin to scroll down when I notice a number of weird google searches. Cutest boys, hottest celebs, stuff like this. I know for a fact I didn't type in those searches, but whatever.

But then, a search catches my eye.

iUy7wSBjCWR7F.gif


"hot boys green eyes big dick"

All of a sudden, I did not know what to do with my hands. I wanted nothing further to do with the keyboard and I cleaned the hell out of it.

Family shouldn't be using your laptop to jack it, man.
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This...is amazing.

Bravo on the use of that gif.
 
This thread is amazing.

I remember an awkward family-related masterbation encounter back when I was in probably 7th grade. During a party at my parent's house, I walked into my bedroom to get a picture of a fish I had caught during a fishing trip with my uncles. I noticed something was fishy when my bedroom door was open (I always keep it closed during parties). Well, it turns out my cousin was lying down on my bed with one of my socks on his penis with the lights off. Then without hesitating, he asked if I could help him masterbate. I didn't know what the fuck he was thinking, but I just quietly sad no and walked backwards out of the door and closed it. My cousin isn't even gay. In fact, he's getting married to his fiance this October. We've never brought up the incident and likely never will. I'd prefer to erase it from my memory.

During this year's Father's Day, my cousin was over at my house and he went with me to go for a ride in my brother's new car. He started to giggle when we passed by an Adult learning center, a school that was about 3 blocks away from my house. He told us that was where he had parked his car once with his previous girlfriend and had sex. Dude, too much information.
 
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