-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Tinder is destroying mens self-esteem (New York Post)
- Thread starter entremet
- Start date
- Status
The Albatross
Member
It's almost as if maybe the hookup culture that we're conditioned to think is amazing and the epitome of modernity isn't that great afteral.
...
Naaaah.
...
Naaaah.
crimzonflame
Member
If you are an ugly jabroni like me then online dating sucks. Luckily Ive met many girls the 'traditional' way.
perfectchaos007
Member
They want to give guys a challenge. They'll give you nothing to work with and will say in their minds "Okay, be interesting. Go!" And if you're able to achieve that, then you may get a date or two.
Vicetrailia
Banned
So what does your profile say?
DustyVonEric
Member
I wish I wasn't short5'9. I've legit heard girls I know say guys under 6 feet aren't appealing. I nearly yelled at one of them who said guys under 6'2 need to hit the gym and get taller. Like what the fuck.
Haha! This is messed up. Wth
Krauser Kat
Member
Also - maybe this is unfair but a lot of the women on Tinder are utterly uninteresting.
Profiles filled with quotes like "Live, Laugh, Love"
And they all like to travel, hike, hang out with friends etc
Would it kill people to actually reveal something remotely interesting about themselves?
Profiles filled with quotes like "Live, Laugh, Love"
And they all like to travel, hike, hang out with friends etc
Would it kill people to actually reveal something remotely interesting about themselves?
Ugh what I posted was just an example of lack of engagement and interest. I try to ask questions based on their profile and pictures and make jokes, but with a lot of people it doesn't seem to matter. It's not like the person I'm talking to is making an effort to ask me engaging questions about my profile and I respond with "where do you work?".
I'll post a transcript of a recent conversation that went nowhere
Me: Hi there! What mountain is that picture from? Do you hike often?
Them: Yeah I love to go hiking!
Me: Nice me too! I like to go bouldering, you try that before?
Them: No I've never tried that, I just moved to Colorado
Me: Oh cool! How do you like Colorado? Have you been to Red Rocks?
Them: Yeah I like Colorado so far
Me: What else are you into?
Them: Going out with friends
And that's where I stopped. Thought maybe she'd ask me something, but never did and that was it. I probably could've asked her to meet instead of giving up on the conversation, but I value a good conversation, and someone who can hold one is a must.
I'll post a transcript of a recent conversation that went nowhere
Me: Hi there! What mountain is that picture from? Do you hike often?
Them: Yeah I love to go hiking!
Me: Nice me too! I like to go bouldering, you try that before?
Them: No I've never tried that, I just moved to Colorado
Me: Oh cool! How do you like Colorado? Have you been to Red Rocks?
Them: Yeah I like Colorado so far
Me: What else are you into?
Them: Going out with friends
And that's where I stopped. Thought maybe she'd ask me something, but never did and that was it. I probably could've asked her to meet instead of giving up on the conversation, but I value a good conversation, and someone who can hold one is a must.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Most people aren't interesting and don't try in anything they do. Ever reviewed job applications for your own job? 99% terrible and unworthy of the opportunity, but in real life interviews, it goes to about 75% terrible.
You should see how many dudes on Tinder have only photos from their webcam or them catching a fish or posing with a zoo tiger.
I guess what I'm saying is people are bad at the Internet and selling themselves.
Vicetrailia
Banned
Oh okay. I see why you'd get hits, especially from those open to a relationship.
Back in the days mine just had a short funny joke and I did well by it from those who just wanted casual adventures if you know what I mean
. I still think it's all about looks, and somewhat about conversation in-app. But you really wanna get outside the app asap. People really don't like being there.Yeah this happens a lot. With some people it doesn't matter what you ask them or where you try and take the conversation, they just put no effort in.
It's especially weird when they message you first, and then proceed to do nothing to maintain the conversation.
Principate
Saint Titanfall
Does your profile have your picture on it. If we're talking only about Tinder I assume so. A lot of people aren't that shallow (hell the type of people that are, are generally just looking to get laid), but looks do tend to be a limiting factor, the uglier you are, the less likely people will ask you about the other stuff
Krauser Kat
Member
all tinder profiles do. i mean i am also a decent looking guy with cute corgi sooo i kind of cheat.
Principate
Saint Titanfall
I guessed, went back to check you were speaking specifically about Tinder, edited my response, upon finding out before reading this message. Case in point being even those non superficial responses, a fair number likely bothered to contact you because your not butt ugly, those looks still do kinda matter
God Dayumm
Banned
When I get that sort of responses, which is often, I take it as a hint that they are not interested so I drop it and move on. I mean, I am pretty bad at conversation but I manage to be more engaging than that, so it is clearly a lack of interest
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
Lol are you serious?
I intentionally maneuver Tinder conversations into the same scenarios time and time again, literally to the point where I copy and paste previous conversations. I've probably had the same conversation dozens of times, and I've pulled in dozens of dates from that in the last few months alone.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Yep. People worry so much about things they can't control when Tinder is really just about nailing the cover letter to get the "interview."
NOLA_Gaffer
Banned
Honestly if you're using Tinder to meet women your self-esteem has likely already hit rock bottom.
This seems like way more effort than just naturally bullshitting the same topics over and over. Even if it were for a pure numbers game this seems like poor way to go about it. I mean I guess that's why you're spending your time going on dozens of dates in a few months....
To be fair, those are boring ass questions. Try being funny, witty, and actually engaging to talk to. They answer those same damn questions 100 times a day. I'd save ALL of those questions for the first actual date.
So why are you on Tinder if you "often" get attention from girls in the real world?
Wow, I didn't even read this post before I posted mine, legit.
Everyone steal this and see how far you get!
I know this question isn't to me. But you can never get enough attention. Also with Tinder you meet girls/guys not usually in your circles.
He literally said "internet dating is not for me". If he is so unimpressed with the offerings on Tinder, why not just get off of it, especially if he gets attention from girls in real life. Seems like a no brainer.
ISWThunder
Member
Really? That's a silly viewpoint. If you're single, regardless of your self-esteem, there isn't much of a downside to also looking for girls online through Tinder.
If they are not getting much traction, then it's not for them. But there are plenty of people, even in this thread, that get dates without much of a problem and enjoy meeting random people even if most of them wont go any further. My self esteem always wavers, regardless of who I'm dating. But the girl I've gone on a few dates with over the last week definitely makes me feel good about myself.
Voysa Reezun
Banned
Eh, it's always been like this. Women tend to have the advantage in finding mates when they're younger, and as men and women get older, the advantage shifts toward men.
I never had problems dating (not that I'm great or anything, but I've always been really friendly, which I think helped me to meet people including my wife). For guys who did, they had some of their own problems to work out anyway. And from what I understand, Tinder is a hook-up app, so of course there will be a ton of guys there for women to choose from. Welcome to the market.
Don't worry, in ten years, you'll have a slight advantage, and if you live long enough, you'll have your pick of the sixty-plus crowd!
Amibguous Cad
Member
Eh, hookup culture's great if you're suited to it, even if you're not that attractive. It's the demographic split that fucks stuff up. Gay hookup culture is great.
Amibguous Cad
Member
This isn't really my fight. I'm a gay male. That's why it's my schadenfreude - all those assholes that called me fag can't get laid and I can do it in under an hour, and it's not hard.
But of course I don't indulge that. I get that that's how it's always been (though there are cultures where it's mitigated), but that doesn't really make it right. This is, I think "patriarchy hurts men" kind of thing. If we make more progress on abolishing gender roles, even acknowledging that biology may make complete parity impossible, things are gonna improve for young men.
Yeah I am.
I'm not sure if you're saying that really overweight women that are unemployed with lot's of kids can have a preference for 6ft men with good bodies and money, which by all means they can. What other people want is up to them.
But realistically how often do you see couples like that?
Online is all about what people want want want, how about what they can offer someone.
I think some people need a reality check as all that online attention doesn't necessarily reflect reality.
So only the only people that use tinder are people that don't get attention in real life? lol
Meeting someone on the internet is not something people hide anymore, it's become acceptable to meet someone on there. A lot of people I know have hooked up with people they got talking to on facebook, instagram etc. Years ago if you told someone you met someone online people would think it was weird.
I don't NEED the internet, it's an option, like it is for most people. The reality is for many people meeting people online is convenient, especially when you work a full time job and don't have as many opportunities to meet people when you get into a work, home, work home routine.
I still wouldn't tell anyone I met a girlfriend on Tinder, specifically, because of its hookup app status.
Girl I'm dating feels the same.
We tell people she met me while I was obnoxiously drunk at Waffle House one night.
StrikeNinja24
Banned
Psh I've 5'5" and have a loving gf now that I met through OkCupid. You're going to meet a lot of shitty ones, I'm sure. I've been on my fair share of bad dates.
To those who find dating to be a pain in the ass, it is. It's easy to look forward and see nothing, but that's not necessarily true. It takes some gut checks and grit to really get through the bad ones. Trust me when I say that both sexes deal with bad dates on a consistent basis. What it takes is being confident and that's something that can be gained or even faked until you start believing it yourself.
Also, don't go for the 10s if you dont view yourself as a 10. Go for a personal point of view, and you'll lead an easier life. Attractiveness tends to bring arrogance with it.
With this mentality, yes. You can't look at it that way.
He wants attention. So he basically uses it to stroke his ego. Which is what I was getting at.
I get that some people like yourselves would rather not tell people. But it's far more acceptable than it once was.
No the height isn't really the issue. It's more that I find it funny that someone unattractive who doesn't look after their appearance, and is unemployed will only entertain someone who look's after themselves and has lot's of money.
Of course they can ask for what they want, but I think the chances of getting it is slim, but each to their own.
Snowman Prophet of Doom
Member
Doesn't help when, like me, your interests are primarily intellectual and you don't care for having pictures taken, thus delimiting your picture choices bidirectionally.
I moved to a new city and tried Tinder again. For some reason I'm getting wayyyyy less matches in the new city. I thought it would be the opposite because this new city is much bigger but I guess it also means more competition... I think I'm just gonna borrow my friend's cute dog for a picture.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
I was just dumbfounded that someone in that situation would have those kinds of standards. When I was online dating years ago the worst I saw was women like 5 foot zero saying they only date men that are 6 feet or taller, and even they at least were attractive. Never came across what you described.
- Status