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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
Dr.Palutena
Member
I felt the same way once, not gonna push you or judge any decisions, but we are always here to talk if you feel like elaborating on what makes you feel so and any other feelings you may have.
Princess Viola
Member
Sometimes, I don't feel like transition either. :\
Zero shame in feeling joy and happiness with yourself.
Earthstrike
Member
Is it possible you might be gender fluid, or bigendered?
Edit: I don't like the way I phrased that. What I should of said is "It sounds like you could potential be having trouble figuring out what you identify as. You may want to consider the possibilities of being gender fluid or bigendered"
It's such a daunting and impossibly scary thing that you don't even want to contemplate it, let alone actually start taking action. I tried to be trans without transitioning, so to speak -- and it didn't work out very well, at all.
If you have anything you want to talk about, I'm just a PM away.
Hello, welcome to the forum & the thread. I just want to second Dr. Palutena & lexi's offer, if you want to talk about anything at all you have an open invitation to PM me.
I dont really see the point of comments like this. Are you trying to be helpful?
This is just another form of gatekeeping, just one (mostly) perpetuated by members of the trans community themselves. For a couple years I didnt seriously think about transitioning because of comments like these, because I felt I didnt live up to some standardwasnt trans enoughto go through the daunting and impossibly scary thing that is (supposedly) transitioning. Years Id like back.
You know what the hardest part of transitioning has been for me? Still having to present as male because I lack confidence. Guess what? If I wasnt transitioning, Id still have to present as male! I would still be going through the exact same issue Id be going through now. But I wouldnt have any of the benefits hormones have given me, I wouldnt have the support system I have now, I probably wouldnt even be moving on with my life (or, at least, attempting to). I wouldnt have hope.
If you want to transition, do it. Dont let people telling you how hard it is prevent you from doing what you need to do.
This. A thousand times this. Just do it. It's always going to seem impossibly daunting, but it's absolutely not.
If you wait until you're comfortable or ready or whatever bullshit reason, you will be waiting forever.
Don't let those years of your life waste away. Don't let that happen to you.
Scary ?
You don't even live in the black country =P
Scary is living your entire life living a fake life.
....If you do live in the black country, I'm here if you want to talk =D
You don't even live in the black country =P
Scary is living your entire life living a fake life.
....If you do live in the black country, I'm here if you want to talk =D
I think you are misinterpreting what she said entirely. In no way is Lexi's post worded in a way that resembles the sort of thing you are speaking of, in fact I am not seeing how any possible interpretation could get you to anything near the "trans enough" sort of thing, unless I were to read your post the other way I'm seeing as possible and you really think that people within the community who just say that transitioning is scary are gatekeepers because... they are being realistic? Transitioning isn't something to be taken lightly. To suggest that the community should say otherwise would hurt more people than it would help -- do you not see the potential pain caused by people being mislead into thinking that transitioning isn't something that should be approached with the utmost seriousness and forethought, rushing to transition without the proper emotional readiness and environment to transition in, among other things? It really has nothing to do with being "trans enough", it's the unfortunate reality that the society we live in requires these sorts of things to be thought out and prepared for to avoid even further suffering. Regardless, her reply is to someone who is already currently ruling out transitioning themselves.
As for the reply itself, it seems to be suggesting that she once tried to rule out transitioning and attempted to be "trans without transitioning" at one point herself. When posted in reply to the post that Rayis made, it quite obviously seems to be implying that perhaps the fear of, and subsequently the ruling out of transitioning is normal, or at the least, not uncommon, upon fully realizing and accepting being trans, and that Rayis' feelings on transitioning may change over time. Additionally, what she said also seems to be some words of warning and/or worry about Rayis trying to deal with being trans without transitioning, as she said it did not work out well in her case. She is not trying to scare Rayis out of transitioning.
Normally I wouldn't be so serious about what seems to be a misunderstanding, but I think that the use of "gatekeeper" is what rubbed me the wrong way. As far as I'm concerned, "gatekeeper" is a term used to describe bigots who use any power they may have over somebody trans to deny them their transition, or hack doctors who are emotional tormentors and probably also bigots. To say that Lexi is engaging in "gatekeeping" with her post has, from my perspective, quite an insidious implication.
Dr.Palutena
Member
Before this escalates any further into something that may alienate anyone from opening up and talking...I think the best we can take from this is that transitioning is definitely hard but maybe not as hard as one may think and largely worth it (in most cases) compared to not doing anything. Many here can relate to thinking they couldn't possibly do it for whatever reason , or that they'd be ok with just being androgynous , "cross-dressing", etc (which are all perfectly viable options/decisions if you feel that fits how you really feel) and would like to help those going through such turmoil and choices in whatever way we can.
Thanks for this, Dr.Palutena. How's the studying going? Missing your pins
Dr.Palutena
Member
I got a headache yesterday trying to get homework out of the way, got more homework to do, but will put that on the side to study some, after I eat.
It's 2am and I'm super tired and have taken a Xanax, so I can just say that my intention was basically as detailed above, thanks pizza. I did try to be trans without transitioning myself. I would hope nobody have interpreted a message of reassurance about how difficult that stage of transition is, as gatekeeping.
Femmeworth
Banned
Holy shit, can't you get out of there?
Bloody hell. Stay safe Platy.
Hard to get out ... but I have to say that I kinda won the trans lotery here...
Long story short, the insane number of killings is a mix of "good" healthcare for transition (be it in the good meaning of public healthcare and bad meaning of anyone can buy stuff in drugstores without prescription) and huge amount of REALLY religious people and insane prejudice.
So you know what happens .... trans people living in the streets, in prostitution and being ignored by society because they barely completed high school because of prejudice and stuffs like that and staying in a fixed place every night in a city full of haters.
Oh .. and mix that with the sense of impunity because police here is insanely corrupt (if anyone saw any of the Elite Squad movies you might have any idea of what i'm talking about) gives a good jump on any haters to actualy do bad stuff.
In my case I have family and friends that accepts me, good amount of freelance jobs (in wich I don't actualy see the employee so it is praticaly free of any kind of prejudice) to be considered middle class, started soon enoght to get a good amount of passability and i'm finishing an university... so i'm out of the "risk" group in almost every possible way.
I just need to be carefull with anyone I date ... but my time is so full of study and jobs that I barely have any time to think about that =P
Dr.Palutena
Member
Good luck and stay safe anyways, nice to hear you aren't at as much risk as you could be un such a country.
Thank you everyone for your support, It's really appreciated, I should explain my situation better
I guess the reason why I might be trans but don't feel the need to transition is that I just don't identify with masculinity at all, feeling masculine and being a man are completely alien concepts to me, I have an aversion to calling myself a man while femininity is very natural for me, It bothers me that society creates all these assumptions about me as a person just for the fact I have a penis and otherwise look like a man, while I sometimes do wish I had a female body, I'm not really suffering inside a male one, sure, the assumptions are annoying and at times make me wish I looked female but I'm mostly ambivalent about it. I guess it's just me being angry at society restrictive views on gender but I would definitely feel happier as a female.
As you can see, I have contradictory feelings about it, I wanna be a woman but I'm "ok" being a man so to speak (meaning I wouldn't kill myself over it), I consider myself gay because my attraction to men is greater than my desire to be a woman but I don't consider myself a cis male.
I have trouble conveying my thoughts so I hope it was clear, This is the first time I've told people about this, so I really thank you all
@Earthstrike, that's definitely a possiblity that I haven't thought of, it could be the case
I guess the reason why I might be trans but don't feel the need to transition is that I just don't identify with masculinity at all, feeling masculine and being a man are completely alien concepts to me, I have an aversion to calling myself a man while femininity is very natural for me, It bothers me that society creates all these assumptions about me as a person just for the fact I have a penis and otherwise look like a man, while I sometimes do wish I had a female body, I'm not really suffering inside a male one, sure, the assumptions are annoying and at times make me wish I looked female but I'm mostly ambivalent about it. I guess it's just me being angry at society restrictive views on gender but I would definitely feel happier as a female.
As you can see, I have contradictory feelings about it, I wanna be a woman but I'm "ok" being a man so to speak (meaning I wouldn't kill myself over it), I consider myself gay because my attraction to men is greater than my desire to be a woman but I don't consider myself a cis male.
I have trouble conveying my thoughts so I hope it was clear, This is the first time I've told people about this, so I really thank you all
@Earthstrike, that's definitely a possiblity that I haven't thought of, it could be the case
Princess Viola
Member
I might start seeing a therapist guys.
I do think I get how you feel, because I think it's close to how I once felt myself.
From another thread:
And, you know what, things were better for me after puberty. As a young adult, I sorta just somehow managed to get through life OK. I still didn't identify as male, and for the most part, I considered myself agender (that is, ungendered), mainly because I didn't know what else I did identify as. And at that time I wasn't ready to label myself trans or genderqueer/genderfluid. I just didn't really understand how those fit me at the time. And that was OK with me back then. I made do with that, for a long time.
Even before that though, I had already begun experimenting with presenting and expressing myself as female, either in private, or with some very close friends, and online. I never really knew what to make of it it, except just to think of it as I thing I just sorta did sometimes. With one friend, when pressed, I simply said that I was "bi", without fully realizing or understanding the depth of who I was.
And, at some point, those two parts of me began to clash. One part that simply refused an identity or a label, and the other that wanted to explore the limits to my identity and gender itself. I began spending a lot more time online, researching and absorbing whatever I could find. I had realized that transitioning was actually a thing. But, even then I never really understood it. I certainly didn't feel like I wanted to label myself 'trans', after shunning a label for so long. I even joked about it in some circles, but I never really thought that *I* could do something like *that*. And a couple years passed that way, with me essentially suppressing those feelings as much as I could.
It was earlier this year, after someone I knew on another message board posted a frankly depressing "When should I transition?" post and a "It's really hard to describe what gender dysphoria is like" post, that I realized that there were people out there that I actually knew, who were actually trans, who would transition if they could. It was that very moment that "transitioning" became a real tangible concept to me.
Around that same time, I had played dys4ia for the first time. The developer was a friend of a friend, and thus another real person for me to consider. I like to pretend that dys4ia isn't really a big part of my personal narrative here; but I don't know if that's true. At that point I began feeling like I really needed to understand who I was; if I was trans, and if transitioning was right for me. So I did what seemed to be presented as an option in dys4ia. Like any other completely insane person (as platy might suggest that I am), I ordered hormones off the internet. edit: I strongly suggest that anyone under the local legal age of majority NOT follow my example. Do not self-medicate. See a therapist.
I played it off to myself as a grand experiment. That I was just screwing around just to see what would happen. I always said that I would stop, if it ever stopped feeling like the right thing to do. I also started seeing a therapist a couple months in, just so I could be absolutely sure of my feelings. I came out to some friends. And I got legit prescriptions for everything. And I just kept going. I like to think that I would've stopped if it didn't feel right, but here I am, almost seven months in, and I've never felt more right about something before in my life.
I went from not really knowing anything as a young adult, to suppressing those feelings at times (certainly rejecting the label 'trans'), to beginning to transition, in about a decade. Certainly I wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure things out for myself.
And, all I can really suggest for you, Rayis, (since I can't morally/ethically suggest to anyone else to do what I did) is to see a therapist. Seeing a therapist here is the right move. Explore your identity. Figure out where you want to go with it, if at all, and figure out if transitioning is the right thing for you to do. But, please don't feel the need to find arbitrary labels for who you are. I'm still considering that I might just turn out to be genderfluid, genderqueer, or even agender again, in the end. But, this is something you will need to find out for yourself.
And, without seeing a therapist, maybe you will figure it out on your own, in time. But, do you really want to have waited so long, if you do? Certainly, transitioning is not something you have to do, if you decide it's not right for you. But, until you figure it all out, you will be wondering about it, or suppressing it, for a very long time.
(Sorry for the long post. I think I'm using this space as a place to finally say something I've wanted to say in this thread. I'm not sure I will be around much longer, after the recent policy changes...)
tl;dr: Good luck! This is the right thing to do, to figure out everything that's ahead for you. We're all hoping for the best.
The suicide rate for trans people is around 40% ... not 100%.
Think about it
There is no "you MUST have OMFG I WILL KILL MYSELF if I don't transition" feelling to be a "real" trans ...otherwise would not exist people that start transitioning REALLY later on life
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
It might be good to see a therapist to talk things out and really think about/talk about what options you have and decide if you want to take any of them. You never know what you're going to discover about yourself once you really start talking, and it's not like just going to a session really means you're tied to any one path in life beyond "pay the person for their time". Regardless of the path you choose, though, you always have allies.
Just finished reading an interesting essay, "My Life as a Girl" (link) by Stephen Burt
Pull Quote:
Pull Quote:
http://www.vqronline.org/articles/2012/fall/burt-girl/ said:
That essay is ..... strange.
Sometimes he says (and i'm using male pronoums because he start the text saying he is a man) he is trans, sometimes he says that he is crossdresser, sometimes he says he is a drag queen, sometimes he says he is genderqueer ...
He talks about feeling that he migh be in one gender and then he totaly looses the point of Butler's gender is a performance.
All I know is that while reading this text I got the feeling of how wrong is having people say you have or don't have gender disphorya =P
My lasting impression was that he is way more a crossdresser than any other thing and this has NOTHING to do with GD
But then again it feels wrong to judge
Why can't all countries be like Argentina ?
You sign a paper saying that you have knowledge and that is all you need to do EVERYTHING
Sometimes he says (and i'm using male pronoums because he start the text saying he is a man) he is trans, sometimes he says that he is crossdresser, sometimes he says he is a drag queen, sometimes he says he is genderqueer ...
He talks about feeling that he migh be in one gender and then he totaly looses the point of Butler's gender is a performance.
All I know is that while reading this text I got the feeling of how wrong is having people say you have or don't have gender disphorya =P
My lasting impression was that he is way more a crossdresser than any other thing and this has NOTHING to do with GD
But then again it feels wrong to judge
Why can't all countries be like Argentina ?
You sign a paper saying that you have knowledge and that is all you need to do EVERYTHING
Sorry the double post ... but ...
OMFG IT IS SO NOT NATURAL YOUR CHOICE TO BE TRANS
yeah .. yeah ... so NOT NATURAL like this transgender bird
All hail our tweety overlords
OMFG IT IS SO NOT NATURAL YOUR CHOICE TO BE TRANS
yeah .. yeah ... so NOT NATURAL like this transgender bird
All hail our tweety overlords
GraveRobberX
Platinum Trophy: Learned to Shit While Upright Again.
Holy Hell Brazil
I thought they were more understanding of this
Jesus all the countries combined of NA + SA are equal or a little greater than 1 fucking country
Also Lexi looks cute, goes back to lurking
Plate = 4 lyfe right or is it temporary?
Princess Viola
Member
Susan was the best horse.
lowrider007
Licorice-flavoured booze?
ok fuck it, I'm not sure how this is going to be taken but what the hell, I've been following this thread since the beginning and I thought this thread would be for the betterment and coming together of transgaf, many people have gender issues, myself included, and I was hoping this would be a haven for such individuals, not an elitist 'club' thread, or a 'closed community for a special few' while the rest are left on the sidelines.
I don't know, I'm messed up atm tbh, it seems sooooo hard to get help with these types of issues, outside of paying to see someone, nobody seems to want help just out of the kindness of their heart, offering advice seems such a burden for many people, people are happy to talk in front of an audience (on a forum) but when it comes to advice in private it's a different story, perhaps I'm just bitter, I dunno, I'm just fed-up tbh.
I don't know, I'm messed up atm tbh, it seems sooooo hard to get help with these types of issues, outside of paying to see someone, nobody seems to want help just out of the kindness of their heart, offering advice seems such a burden for many people, people are happy to talk in front of an audience (on a forum) but when it comes to advice in private it's a different story, perhaps I'm just bitter, I dunno, I'm just fed-up tbh.
Dr.Palutena
Member
Huh? Not too sure what you're talking about, please explain further if you will.
lowrider007
Licorice-flavoured booze?
It doesn't matter, nobody seems to understands me, I'm tired of explaining myself, I'm alone it seems.
I'm deeply sorry that you're not getting the help or support you need, or that you're not finding the community you're looking for in this thread. I'm a relative newcomer to the transgaf community myself, but, I've already found myself in relatively welcome welcome arms. I'm deeply sorry that you feel that this is a closed place for a 'special few'. That shouldn't be how things work around here. I want to change those perceptions of this community for you, even if that involves working on making the channel more open for all. But, much more than any of that, I want to help you.
I know it's tough, to be going through the feelings you're experiencing and the issues you're dealing with. The thread, the community, can seem like a place that's overwhelming and daunting at times too. But, please do believe me when I say that we absolutely do want to help you work through those issues you're facing. We know how it feels, for the most part. Our experiences might not be exactly the same as the ones you've had, but, we hope that we can provide insight and advise on how to make it through these difficult times.
I know you're tired of explaining yourself again and again, but, I also think you're tired of having to face these issues on your own. Please do know that we do want to try to help you through this.
I'm going to send you a private message, OK? I hope that will be ok with you.
edit: And, for what it's worth: You are not alone. We're all in this together. Whether you're a trans* person, simply questioning, or someone just looking to chat about trans* issues, we are all here for you.
lowrider007
Licorice-flavoured booze?
Thank you yeoz, I don't want you to feel obligated to help me, I'm just on a bad downer right now, it's just I'm so confused, I don't know who I am these days, I had a rather crazy 'confined/religious' upbringing and was never really able to explore my feelings while I was young due to this, this is what I know to be true, I hate myself, I hate who I see in the mirror, that person in the mirror is a stranger to me, I hate being a man, I know that much, not sure what that means though tbh.
Do I hate just being me and think being a women is a better choice? an ignorant case of 'grass is greener on the other side maybe'? I'm not sure, that has been driving me crazy for years, but for as long as I can remember I've never really liked being a boy/man, and during puberty the feeling just got worse as I felt nature was forcing me to be someone who I didn't feel I was internally, I hated becoming a 'man' and being refereed to as one now.
I'm 34 years old now and am completely lost, I should of dealt with this when I was younger, now I feel too old, I've spent 99% of life being jealous of women, and the summers over the last few years has been hell for me watching beautiful women around me, I've come to realize for sooooo many years I just been jealous of them (women), again, what does that mean?, being in a relationship with a beautiful women isn't enough, give me the pick of any women and that isn't going to satisfy me, I'm angry and jealous and feel trapped in this body but does that mean I'm someone suffering from gender dysphoria or am I nursing a fantasy?
I didn't feel so bad when I was younger as I could sometimes pass as a female but as I've got older it's just got worse, and when I started to lose my hair that was the worst, I have NEVER gotten over that, for the last 8 years every day I've worn a hat in public because of this, I used to have long sandy blond hair and it made me feel better, but now I have no feminine attributes at all, I'm fucking trapped in this disgusting body with testosterone wilting me away while becoming dependant on alcohol to get me throw the day.
Do I hate just being me and think being a women is a better choice? an ignorant case of 'grass is greener on the other side maybe'? I'm not sure, that has been driving me crazy for years, but for as long as I can remember I've never really liked being a boy/man, and during puberty the feeling just got worse as I felt nature was forcing me to be someone who I didn't feel I was internally, I hated becoming a 'man' and being refereed to as one now.
I'm 34 years old now and am completely lost, I should of dealt with this when I was younger, now I feel too old, I've spent 99% of life being jealous of women, and the summers over the last few years has been hell for me watching beautiful women around me, I've come to realize for sooooo many years I just been jealous of them (women), again, what does that mean?, being in a relationship with a beautiful women isn't enough, give me the pick of any women and that isn't going to satisfy me, I'm angry and jealous and feel trapped in this body but does that mean I'm someone suffering from gender dysphoria or am I nursing a fantasy?
I didn't feel so bad when I was younger as I could sometimes pass as a female but as I've got older it's just got worse, and when I started to lose my hair that was the worst, I have NEVER gotten over that, for the last 8 years every day I've worn a hat in public because of this, I used to have long sandy blond hair and it made me feel better, but now I have no feminine attributes at all, I'm fucking trapped in this disgusting body with testosterone wilting me away while becoming dependant on alcohol to get me throw the day.
That's all me. This doesn't sound like a fantasy. A fantasy wouldn't bring you suffering like this. I'm only 21 but your life sounds like what mine would be like if it wasn't for this thread and the people in it who have helped me, so I'd like to do the same for you.
Dr.Palutena
Member
It's not a fantasy, it definitely sounds like dysphoria and it's never too late to resolve it.We are here to help and listen if you need it , be it here or privately if you prefer.
alysonwheel
Member
A lot of what you're saying about how you feel could have come out of my mouth before I transitioned. But I wanted to pick up on this bit in particular.
When I first transitioned I lived with a couple of trans women in their 30s, and they both transitioned at around your age. One had gone almost completely bald and, she felt, had "aged into" looking so manly she didn't think she'd ever pass or be happy, but the hormones made such a huge differences, softening her, changing her. She got an excellent wig -- which yeah, she spent quite a lot of money on and went to a professional to have made, fitted, and replaced it every year or so -- and was 100% passable. She had straight guys try to pick her up all the time. She was a total rockabilly and looked great. Ten years later, she still looks great.
It's not too late.
lowrider007
Licorice-flavoured booze?
thanks,
I am getting some limited advice from a mtf who is currently in transition atm on my 'home forum', although to be fair she is going through a lot atm and I get the feeling she doesn't really have the energy to deal with my questions right now which is fair tbh as she is about to go abroad and go through facial feminization surgery like Lexi has done so obviously she has a lot on her mind atm and I don't want to burden her.
She has given me the name of a reputable gender dysphoria therapist in London but I can't really afford that, she is much more 'well off' than I am, I'm stuck with the NHS and they are crap at this stuff, last time I mentioned this to a doctor she just googled for answers on her computer, she said there wasn't really anyone she could refer me to, atm I'm seeing an alcohol counsellor as that's all they could offer but they are not allowed to discuss 'personal' issues and she has promised now 3 times that she would get me some help but nobody has contacted me, seriously NHS over here in the UK is not about preventive medicine or mental health care, it's about only getting help when your already messed up or very ill and potentially too late.
Perhaps I'm just expecting too much from my local services and society as a whole, they don't 'owe' me anything.
edit -
Thank you alysonwheel, that's a bit reassuring to hear that, perhaps I'm not crazy then and this is a valid issue, I have talked about stuff before in this thread waaaaay back but was quite a while ago and although at first it felt good to talk about it I did find the 'feelings' grew stronger after which was a little hard to deal with.
The mtf who I'm in contact atm says I need to see a proper gender identity therapist to be able to move forward and I think she is right, I just needed a bit of extra reassurance first, sometimes I have my doubts, it's very confusing feeling like this.
I am getting some limited advice from a mtf who is currently in transition atm on my 'home forum', although to be fair she is going through a lot atm and I get the feeling she doesn't really have the energy to deal with my questions right now which is fair tbh as she is about to go abroad and go through facial feminization surgery like Lexi has done so obviously she has a lot on her mind atm and I don't want to burden her.
She has given me the name of a reputable gender dysphoria therapist in London but I can't really afford that, she is much more 'well off' than I am, I'm stuck with the NHS and they are crap at this stuff, last time I mentioned this to a doctor she just googled for answers on her computer, she said there wasn't really anyone she could refer me to, atm I'm seeing an alcohol counsellor as that's all they could offer but they are not allowed to discuss 'personal' issues and she has promised now 3 times that she would get me some help but nobody has contacted me, seriously NHS over here in the UK is not about preventive medicine or mental health care, it's about only getting help when your already messed up or very ill and potentially too late.
Perhaps I'm just expecting too much from my local services and society as a whole, they don't 'owe' me anything.
edit -
Thank you alysonwheel, that's a bit reassuring to hear that, perhaps I'm not crazy then and this is a valid issue, I have talked about stuff before in this thread waaaaay back but was quite a while ago and although at first it felt good to talk about it I did find the 'feelings' grew stronger after which was a little hard to deal with.
The mtf who I'm in contact atm says I need to see a proper gender identity therapist to be able to move forward and I think she is right, I just needed a bit of extra reassurance first, sometimes I have my doubts, it's very confusing feeling like this.
alysonwheel
Member
If you're in London then your GP should refer you to a CMHT who will then make the decision whether or not to refer you to Charing Cross Gender Clinic. Show the "how to be referred" page to your useless GP
I went through the NHS eventually but I started off on private care because back then the NHS were incredibly useless as opposed to just slow. A lot of people still get frustrated with them even going through the right channels because they err on the side of caution (too far, imo).
When and if you get a referral to a CMHT you should maybe consider talking to them about regular counselling because that's not something Charing Cross offer. With Charing Cross you get an assessment from a doctor every six months or so (I think, it's been a while since I badgered them for surgery but I don't think things have changed significantly) but they're basically deciding whether you're a suitable candidate for HRT and then later for surgery.
I went through the NHS eventually but I started off on private care because back then the NHS were incredibly useless as opposed to just slow. A lot of people still get frustrated with them even going through the right channels because they err on the side of caution (too far, imo).
When and if you get a referral to a CMHT you should maybe consider talking to them about regular counselling because that's not something Charing Cross offer. With Charing Cross you get an assessment from a doctor every six months or so (I think, it's been a while since I badgered them for surgery but I don't think things have changed significantly) but they're basically deciding whether you're a suitable candidate for HRT and then later for surgery.
lowrider007
Licorice-flavoured booze?
If you're in London then your GP should refer you to a CMHT who will then make the decision whether or not to refer you to Charing Cross Gender Clinic. Show the "how to be referred" page to your useless GP
I went through the NHS eventually but I started off on private care because back then the NHS were incredibly useless as opposed to just slow.
When and if you get a referral to a CMHT you should maybe consider talking to them about regular counselling because that's not something Charing Cross offer. With Charing Cross you get an assessment from a doctor every six months or so (I think, it's been a while since I badgered them for surgery but I don't think things have changed significantly) but they're basically deciding whether you're a suitable candidate for HRT and then later for surgery.
I'm in Cornwall, she just gave me the name of the therapist in London who she was seeing, he is called 'Dr Michael Perring' off Harly street (he is supposed to be pretty good), apparently around £100 an hour, she eventually went to a GIC in Sheffield (which she still attends), although she did mention the one in Charing Cross, perhaps she didn't realise where I was from, I know when your from London everything can feel a bit 'centralised' and easy to access, down here in Cornwall things feel pretty remote, I'm going to speak to my local GP again and press them on it, I feel a bit more confident now about pressing the issue further.
I don't think nursing is an appropriate word. I'm almost as old as you are, and I managed to comprehensively deny having any and all such feelings and thoughts to the point where I actually succeeded in banishing them totally from my conscious mind for years at a time. This was a very deleterious and unhealthy practice. Also a futile one, for it could not change me.
I can't believe we're too old, and I can't believe that you or I have done anything to create our situation, other than to be too bewildered by cultural shame to take action sooner. This is just something that happens to some small proportion of the population, and has done for a very long time across a multitude of human cultures.
You didn't cultivate this; it defies my belief to imagine someone who would or could manage doing so. I don't think either of us want to be so desperately unhappy, to struggle with anger and jealousy in different ways. You dwelt on it where I repressed it, both of us at great personal cost, but we are the same in that we didn't choose this and we didn't do anything to make it happen. You are not alone.
I read your words, and I believe you're suffering from gender dysphoria. This isn't a fantasy--it's an incredibly painful and dangerous inconvenience, to put it in ludicrously mild terms. If taking action relieves this suffering and allows you to live more happily, then what you're alleviating is gender dysphoria. I think it's as simple as that.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Hope everything turns out okay in the end.
alysonwheel
Member
If you're in Cornwall it works the same way, you'll just go to a local CMHT; the London GIC serves a huge chunk of the country. When I was going for surgery I lived in Manchester and was still referred to the London GIC.
I'm surprised the price of private treatment hasn't really changed in twelve years, actually; it was about £80/session back in 2000 to see Russell Reid, who was the big name in private trans healthcare at the time and who would basically hand you a prescription if you could look him in the eye and say "I'm transsexual" without laughing. If you couldn't get your GP to convert the prescription or at least monitor your bloods then you were basically self-medding; fortunately mine did.
Aside from starting private I've been through the whole Charing Cross system from start to finish so feel free to shoot me any questions.
I just want to post this picture here ... quietly so that people remember it when it is needed instead of creating more need
It is from Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl,page 92
Found here
It is from Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl,page 92
Found here