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[Princess Viola]

That kind of reminds of when (not sure if I posted this here or not, might have back when I started to post here) a friend of mine posted a question I had on a transgender related forum and everyone was acting like he was telling me to just go buy hormones and that I'm too young to know this stuff.

 

[yeoz]

GLAAD created an infographic that captures the past 60 years of transgender issues in honor of Transgender Awareness Week and Transgender Day of Remembrance.

 

[Platy]

GLAAD created an infographic that captures the past 60 years of transgender issues in honor of Transgender Awareness Week and Transgender Day of Remembrance.

REALLY strange the lack of Argentina's gender law.

Also, Huffington Post made 2 really good articles focusing on transgender people :

20 Transgender Artists You Should Know: A Roundup In Honor Of The Day Of Remembrance

Transgender Day Of Remembrance 2012: 50 Transgender Icons

 

[Princess Viola]

Wait, there's a transgender day of rememberance?

 

[Platy]

Wait, there's a transgender day of rememberance?

Yes ... and as much as people want to make it a "be yourself and all" and all colorfull

I personaly think it is a depressing day since it is when people remember the deaths of all trans people ... it usualy happens on november 22

 

[QueenOfThorns]

I really need to learn to stop reading trans related threads outside of this one. It never ends well.

 

[iirate]

I really need to learn to stop reading trans related threads outside of this one. It never ends well.

I get frustrated with it too, but I feel like it's important that we are heard on such issues.

 

[Platy]

I really need to learn to stop reading trans related threads outside of this one. It never ends well.

I like to talk about those issues ... my only fear is to get TOO angry and get a ban =P

 

[Hop]

So Thanksgiving is next week. And I'm pretty much going to have to visit my parents, which means I'm pretty much going to have to tell them that I've been on hormones for a while. That's... gonna be interesting.

Status update: didn't tell them. Couldn't do it. Feel absolutely horridly pathetic about it.

So I started writing an email. It's taken six hours, I've been a nauseous nervous wreck the entire time (my digestive system does not appreciate me being so scared), but it's done. It's sent. I've either opened up a new stage in my life with my family or emotionally orphaned myself, and I'm really afraid to find out which it's gonna be.

 

[Emitan]

Status update: didn't tell them. Couldn't do it. Feel absolutely horridly pathetic about it.

So I started writing an email. It's taken six hours, I've been a nauseous nervous wreck the entire time (my digestive system does not appreciate me being so scared), but it's done. It's sent. I've either opened up a new stage in my life with my family or emotionally orphaned myself, and I'm really afraid to find out which it's gonna be.

*hugs*

We're here for you every step of the way!

 

[Hazaro]

Status update: didn't tell them. Couldn't do it. Feel absolutely horridly pathetic about it.

So I started writing an email. It's taken six hours, I've been a nauseous nervous wreck the entire time (my digestive system does not appreciate me being so scared), but it's done. It's sent. I've either opened up a new stage in my life with my family or emotionally orphaned myself, and I'm really afraid to find out which it's gonna be.

Good on you. Just keep moving forward.

 

[mollipen]

Status update: didn't tell them. Couldn't do it. Feel absolutely horridly pathetic about it.

So I started writing an email. It's taken six hours, I've been a nauseous nervous wreck the entire time (my digestive system does not appreciate me being so scared), but it's done. It's sent. I've either opened up a new stage in my life with my family or emotionally orphaned myself, and I'm really afraid to find out which it's gonna be.

Absolutely no reason to feel bad about not telling them in that situation. When I decided that I was going to tell my family and friends back home about my situation, I was all, "Hell yeah, let's do this!" Then, I was there seeing them face to face, and the reality of what was happening sunk in. I ended up doing it, but your brain tells you—correctly—that what you're about to do can never be un-done. There's no going back, and for God's sake, that's scary!

For me, I knew I wanted to do it in person, and I did. For whatever reason, that actually freaks me out less than sending and email or making a phone call. (I'll actually sit there looking at an unopened email making myself sick from nervousness.) For you, maybe in the end you needed to do it the way you're doing it.

No matter how brave we may feel or how determined we are, at the end of the day, we're still just human beings. Opening up such a personal side of yourself to anybody—no matter how close or or if you're meeting them for the first time—can be terrifying. There's never a valid reason for feeling terrible about yourself because you proved that you are, indeed, human like the rest of us.

I really need to learn to stop reading trans related threads outside of this one. It never ends well.

My problem is that a lot of the same topics and questions come up over and over. I wonder if maybe the first post in this thread should include links to some of the good posts that have been made in various threads over time, so that we can just say "go read the OP of the TransGAF thread, and you'll get some of the answers you're looking for!"

 

[Hazaro]

My problem is that a lot of the same topics and questions come up over and over. I wonder if maybe the first post in this thread should include links to some of the good posts that have been made in various threads over time, so that we can just say "go read the OP of the TransGAF thread, and you'll get some of the answers you're looking for!"

That's what I do for the PC thread. Or try to. If people read the OP.

 

[iirate]

My problem is that a lot of the same topics and questions come up over and over. I wonder if maybe the first post in this thread should include links to some of the good posts that have been made in various threads over time, so that we can just say "go read the OP of the TransGAF thread, and you'll get some of the answers you're looking for!"

Yeah, that's where frustration sets in most for me. My snark level goes through the roof when dealing with drive-by posters making arguments addressed on the same page that they're posting on.

 

[Platy]

My problem is that a lot of the same topics and questions come up over and over. I wonder if maybe the first post in this thread should include links to some of the good posts that have been made in various threads over time, so that we can just say "go read the OP of the TransGAF thread, and you'll get some of the answers you're looking for!"

The Transgsender Threads : A Primer is very good ... but it is too much "wall of text" =/

We need a shorter and more viewer friendly version

 

[Hop]

*hugs* back at 'cha all. I'll let you know if and how they freak out at me.

Absolutely no reason to feel bad about not telling them in that situation. When I decided that I was going to tell my family and friends back home about my situation, I was all, "Hell yeah, let's do this!" Then, I was there seeing them face to face, and the reality of what was happening sunk in. I ended up doing it, but your brain tells you—correctly—that what you're about to do can never be un-done. There's no going back, and for God's sake, that's scary!

For me, I knew I wanted to do it in person, and I did. For whatever reason, that actually freaks me out less than sending and email or making a phone call. (I'll actually sit there looking at an unopened email making myself sick from nervousness.) For you, maybe in the end you needed to do it the way you're doing it.

No matter how brave we may feel or how determined we are, at the end of the day, we're still just human beings. Opening up such a personal side of yourself to anybody—no matter how close or or if you're meeting them for the first time—can be terrifying. There's never a valid reason for feeling terrible about yourself because you proved that you are, indeed, human like the rest of us.

I realized when one of my parents' cats yawned that I have a very strong in-person empathetic reaction. I can't do these sorts of things in-person because I get overwhelmed with sympathy, I become compelled to bend over backwards for other people. So yea, it's either do things in this detached way or get so attached I end up hurting myself for the sake of others. But I do envy that you can actually talk to people in person about things, that must be useful.

 

[QueenOfThorns]

Status update: didn't tell them. Couldn't do it. Feel absolutely horridly pathetic about it.

So I started writing an email. It's taken six hours, I've been a nauseous nervous wreck the entire time (my digestive system does not appreciate me being so scared), but it's done. It's sent. I've either opened up a new stage in my life with my family or emotionally orphaned myself, and I'm really afraid to find out which it's gonna be.

Good luck. I hope it works out.

I get frustrated with it too, but I feel like it's important that we are heard on such issues.

Yeah and I mean there are some really nice posts being made from people like shidoshi, but..ahh. I don't think I could handle it. It just makes me feel ill to read all of the obnoxious jokes.

My problem is that a lot of the same topics and questions come up over and over. I wonder if maybe the first post in this thread should include links to some of the good posts that have been made in various threads over time, so that we can just say "go read the OP of the TransGAF thread, and you'll get some of the answers you're looking for!"

That would be great.

 

[Emitan]

I need to call the counseling center tomorrow because they still haven't called me back and they said it would only take 48 hours...

I have no idea if their counselors are good but they take so long to do anything it makes me worried how good this place is.

 

[Emitan]

Apparently my counselor is a guy. They said they would try to find me a lesbian but he seemed super nice on the phone.

 

[Jarate]

Hey guys just wanted to chime and say that everyone here is awesome!

Im currently going out with a mtf tg, and still struggle to understand just how she can stay positive through all the crap shes gone through. You guys/girls are inspirations to me because you manage to stay positive even with all the shit you guys/girls go through.

Good luck to all of you.

 

[Dead Man]

Apparently my counselor is a guy. They said they would try to find me a lesbian but he seemed super nice on the phone.

Having been to counselling various times over the years for various things, I have found that a counsellor that is outside the demographic I was getting counselling for can sometimes be better. If they are a good counsellor. Hope all goes well.

 

[Platy]

Apparently my counselor is a guy. They said they would try to find me a lesbian but he seemed super nice on the phone.

Are you trying to find a counselor or a date ? =P

Guys are usualy fine ... try to change to a girl in worst case

 

[iirate]

Apparently my counselor is a guy. They said they would try to find me a lesbian but he seemed super nice on the phone.

First counselor was a straight woman, second (group) was a lesbian woman, third was a man (no clue on sexuality).

All were pretty great.

 

[Dead Man]

Very short but nicely positive article about an Australian Senator who has a trans partner:

Same-sex marriage advocate Senator opens up on relationship

WA Labor senator Louise Pratt has opened up about life with her transgender partner, Aram Hosie, saying there is nothing unusual about their relationship - it's "just two people who happen to be in love".

"For us, it's not about getting caught up in questions of sexual orientation", she says in an exclusive interview in STM. "It's just about loving and supporting each other.

"We are just two people who happen to be in love."

When Senator Pratt, 40, first met Aram, 29, he was a woman named Renae and their relationship has had to survive his transition to male.

 

[AKingNamedPaul]

things like this thread make me feel like gaf is awesome.

 

[iirate]

things like this thread make me feel like gaf is awesome.

Indeed - this place is pretty fucking special.

 

[Princess Viola]

Oh my God~

My grandpa said he's gonna call a local LGBT centre tomorrow~

I might start moving forward finalllly

 

[Emitan]

Oh my God~

My grandpa said he's gonna call a local LGBT centre tomorrow~

I might start moving forward finalllly

That's wonderful!

 

[Hop]

So I started writing an email. It's taken six hours, I've been a nauseous nervous wreck the entire time (my digestive system does not appreciate me being so scared), but it's done. It's sent. I've either opened up a new stage in my life with my family or emotionally orphaned myself, and I'm really afraid to find out which it's gonna be.

Status update: they replied. Took me a good while just to work up the nerve to read past Gmail's little preview. I still haven't read all the way through, but I glanced a few times and caught a few lines.

It's not gone well.

 

[Amibguous Cad]

Status update: they replied. Took me a good while just to work up the nerve to read past Gmail's little preview. I still haven't read all the way through, but I glanced a few times and caught a few lines.

It's not gone well.

Fuck, I'm sorry, Charron. If you need any more support, PonyGAF's IRC is always open =)

 

[mollipen]

Status update: they replied. Took me a good while just to work up the nerve to read past Gmail's little preview. I still haven't read all the way through, but I glanced a few times and caught a few lines.

It's not gone well.

Just remember: At the end of the day, there's one person above all others that you need to look out for—you. As hard as it might be if you have to end up wanting the path you need to walk without the support of your family, that's what you'll need to do, and that's what you're going to do. You'd better believe that members of our families do whatever they need to do to look our for their own health and happiness, so it's disingenuous for them to then tell us we shouldn't be doing the same.

However, an initial negative reaction isn't the end of the world. Things like this take time to process, come to term with, understand. How many of us here who are trans thought the entire idea was weird and disgusting when we first started dealing with it? It's still a piece of life that's hard to fully comprehend until you're forced to deal with it. Time moves on, our understanding is expanded, and opinions can—and do—change.

I don't want to tell you what to do in your situation, so I'll just re-iterate my own situation. What I have, and still will, decide to do with my life are my choices. I want my family and friends to still be there, and I certainly hope that's the case. If they can't accept that that's who I am, however, then I'll simply cut them off from my life. I don't need people who aren't willing to support my decisions, and I don't need their negativity bringing me down. I also make it clear that they are the reason that our relationship has become broken—not me—and if they reach the point that they realize the mistake that they've made, I'll be happy to take them back.

It's easier for me, because I've never been in a situation where I felt that overly strong family bond. I love my family, and care about them, but I also know I'll have no trouble surviving without them if that's what it comes to. For you, that might not be the case—and this could end up being really tough. Again, though, you're doing what you're doing because you need to do it for yourself, and if others don't care enough about you to want to see you in a better place, then that is their failing.

 

[Hop]

Just remember: At the end of the day, there's one person above all others that you need to look out for—you. As hard as it might be if you have to end up wanting the path you need to walk without the support of your family, that's what you'll need to do, and that's what you're going to do. You'd better believe that members of our families do whatever they need to do to look our for their own health and happiness, so it's disingenuous for them to then tell us we shouldn't be doing the same.

However, an initial negative reaction isn't the end of the world. Things like this take time to process, come to term with, understand. How many of us here who are trans thought the entire idea was weird and disgusting when we first started dealing with it? It's still a piece of life that's hard to fully comprehend until you're forced to deal with it. Time moves on, our understanding is expanded, and opinions can—and do—change.

I don't want to tell you what to do in your situation, so I'll just re-iterate my own situation. What I have, and still will, decide to do with my life are my choices. I want my family and friends to still be there, and I certainly hope that's the case. If they can't accept that that's who I am, however, then I'll simply cut them off from my life. I don't need people who aren't willing to support my decisions, and I don't need their negativity bringing me down. I also make it clear that they are the reason that our relationship has become broken—not me—and if they reach the point that they realize the mistake that they've made, I'll be happy to take them back.

It's easier for me, because I've never been in a situation where I felt that overly strong family bond. I love my family, and care about them, but I also know I'll have no trouble surviving without them if that's what it comes to. For you, that might not be the case—and this could end up being really tough. Again, though, you're doing what you're doing because you need to do it for yourself, and if others don't care enough about you to want to see you in a better place, then that is their failing.

I never really thought I'd be in a position where I'd be considered to have a strong familial bond. I'm the one that never calls, that barely spends time for the holidays...

I don't think I'd ever have problems surviving without my family, financially or emotionally, but it's that nagging guilt about cutting someone out of my life. For any reason, even if they kinda deserve it. For me, emotional connections are so rare that they're a precious commodity. I mean, shit, I feel a little bad about some of the online communities I've left over the years.

And I know that, after all, nobody's going to care about me more than me. I've had plenty of therapists remind me that I need to take care of myself. But it feels selfish, and I can't shake that. And I want so badly to be seen as a good person, to be deserving of love and respect, that anything that makes me feel like even a little bit of a bad person is really tough to accept.

I think I need to work out how to take your same tack, to cut toxic people out of my life and emphasize that it's their behavior that's forcing it. I think that's the only way I'm actually going to move on and become truly independent. I just have no fucking clue how I'm going to do it.

Spoiler

I still haven't read it.

 

[yeoz]

And I know that, after all, nobody's going to care about me more than me. I've had plenty of therapists remind me that I need to take care of myself. But it feels selfish, and I can't shake that. And I want so badly to be seen as a good person, to be deserving of love and respect, that anything that makes me feel like even a little bit of a bad person is really tough to accept.

Ultimately, the only person we're doing any of this for is ourselves. Not your family, not your friends, but, yourself. That's all that really matters in this world. Family and friends might move on, so the only person who can ever be there for you, is you. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve a chance to be happy, no matter what other people might think. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be respected. Everyone does. You're not in the wrong here at all, so there's no reason to think of yourself as a bad person, right?

I think I need to work out how to take your same tack, to cut toxic people out of my life and emphasize that it's their behavior that's forcing it. I think that's the only way I'm actually going to move on and become truly independent. I just have no fucking clue how I'm going to do it.

Yeah, that can be difficult. It's hard to walk away from the relationships you've already formed, especially if you don't have other ones to fall back on. I do think that all bonds tend to come and go pretty naturally, and it won't be long before you do replace whatever need to be replaced. It's hard to let go; certainly feels like it leaves a hole in you, but do know that you can and will be whole again. We're always here if you want to talk. Drop by the IRC when you feel up for it, OK?

Spoiler

I still haven't read it.

Sleep on it if you need to, but, you should read it sooner rather than later. Just get it out of the way. If it's going to hurt, get it out of the way and try to begin to heal. *hug*

I never really thought I'd be in a position where I'd be considered to have a strong familial bond. I'm the one that never calls, that barely spends time for the holidays...

I don't think I'd ever have problems surviving without my family, financially or emotionally, but it's that nagging guilt about cutting someone out of my life. For any reason, even if they kinda deserve it. For me, emotional connections are so rare that they're a precious commodity. I mean, shit, I feel a little bad about some of the online communities I've left over the years.

Left this for last, but, if it comes down to it and your ties are split, you're not the one cutting them out of your life. They're cutting you out of their lives for whatever silly incomprehensible reasons they have, which you should take no blame for. Don't blame yourself for what they do. Don't let that happen. None of this is on you. Absolutely none of this is your fault. You're being true to yourself and no one can fault you for that.

Honestly, I think communities tend to come and go. I know I've come and gone from too many communities to count. But the relationships I've formed with people from them, those have tended to stick around. We're all still be here for each other, long after GAF has come and gone for any of us.

 

[Hop]

So y'know what helps in dealing with fears? Alcohol! >_<

The whole 'selfish' thing is a bit of a theme for them too, between starting hormones without consulting them (like they were ever going to approve?) and telling them suddenly by email (rather than on their terms?). And they're assuming I'm not thinking things through and I'm not certain about who I am and what I'm doing. Rather than, y'know, wanting to not hurt someone to their face or wanting time for everyone to organize thoughts.

I spend enough time following politics to have seen plenty of projecting. I'd like to think I know what it looks like, rather than I'm deluding myself and assuming anyone with a different opinion is lying to themselves. And I kinda think my parents are the selfish, lost ones, expecting their perfect son to come along and give them what they want and be what they want (whether or not they know what that is). I obviously feel selfish and lost too, but I'm not lost about who I am, I'm lost about what to do about/with that fact. Or maybe I'm the one projecting, who knows.

*sigh* yea, drunkbunny, sorry.

 

[Dr.Palutena]

You'd be surprised how self-important, selfish and privileged some people can suddenly become when this stuff comes up. Either way *hugs* , also remember there's an IRC if you ever need to talk even further.

 

[yeoz]

I'm out to mom.
No turning back now

 

[Emitan]

I'm out to mom.
No turning back now

Did it go well?

 

[yeoz]

Did it go well?

Eh.

edit: we were arguing about something, i was yelling, she said that was no way for a boy to behave, and i said i'm not a boy. she said if you're not a boy what are you? a girl? and i said yes i'm a girl. yes. that's why i've been seeing the doctors and taking all these pills. yes for fuck's sake mom i am a girl.

and then we started talking about the doctors and pills

and then she walked away

double edit: I do kinda think she had known "something was up" for a while now. She had been goading and prodding me with gender-related probes for a little while now. I think me finally telling her everything put her into a bit of shock, but, I think I will be ok.

edit:: and she has expressed her disappointment/disapproval as of yesterday night. what now?

 

[Emitan]

Eh.

Could be worse I suppose.

 

[Dr.Palutena]

I'm happy for you , yeoz.

 

[Hop]

Eh.

Let's eh together. *hug*

Spoiler

That sounds wrong.

 

[Princess Viola]

Let's eh together. *hug*

Spoiler

That sounds wrong.

Eh.

 

[NoRéN]

Hey, everyone. I wanted to take a moment to ask for some advice.

I'll cut to the chase. I'm trying to make sure that my younger sisters grow up as understanding, educated, non-bigoted people. Due to their stubbornness and backwards, old-timey beliefs, my parents are inadvertently doing the opposite. Luckily, I've had enough of a hand in raising my sisters to know that they understand that being gay is nothing "abnormal" or a "choice". I'm good on that front.
What I need some help with is deciding what the best approach would be to educate them on transgender individuals and making sure that not only do they understand what this means but that it makes no difference in regards to how we all treat each other.

Any and all help is appreciated. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Thanks again.

 

[Emitan]

I forget how detailed I got about my counseling session but it was really successful. I really like my counselor. Helps that he's pretty nerdy :3

I feel like I understand some things in my life I didn't understand before and I have more clarity on something important. I hope anyone here who is trans or questioning is able to find a good counselor because I feel I have already received a ton of helpful advice.

 

[Hop]

Hey, everyone. I wanted to take a moment to ask for some advice.

I'll cut to the chase. I'm trying to make sure that my younger sisters grow up as understanding, educated, non-bigoted people. Due to their stubbornness and backwards, old-timey beliefs, my parents are inadvertently doing the opposite. Luckily, I've had enough of a hand in raising my sisters to know that they understand that being gay is nothing "abnormal" or a "choice". I'm good on that front.
What I need some help with is deciding what the best approach would be to educate them on transgender individuals and making sure that not only do they understand what this means but that it makes no difference in regards to how we all treat each other.

Any and all help is appreciated. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Thanks again.

Well, my primary advice would be to do whatever you did to explain homosexuality to them, since that seemed to work.

But my thought on it, coming from someone who's never had a hand in raising anyone to any extent, would be to try and find a good, ordinary scenario where the topic would come up naturally. (I'm not clever enough to think of any examples though. Maybe if Against Me! plays a show nearby or something, I dunno. :/ ) Lead them towards it and then, hopefully, they'll be curious enough that they'll ask questions, and you can give the respectful, understanding answers. But that does kinda hinge on finding a situation, and them being intellectually curious enough to ask. But it damn well should work, since you're answering questions and not dictating things at them.

 

[Dr.Palutena]

Hmm, don't know about specific stuff. You can probably tie in lessons most youths are taught such as "don't judge people solely on appearances" and "think about how others feel" to trans* stuff. Along with that make sure they dont see trans* people as "abnormal", "crazy" , something that is done as "a choice" , etc. Also I guess if you see them developing some bigoted beliefs always question them on it, so they can actually critically think on the things they are being told.

 

[NoRéN]

Well, my primary advice would be to do whatever you did to explain homosexuality to them, since that seemed to work.

But my thought on it, coming from someone who's never had a hand in raising anyone to any extent, would be to try and find a good, ordinary scenario where the topic would come up naturally. (I'm not clever enough to think of any examples though. Maybe if Against Me! plays a show nearby or something, I dunno. :/ ) Lead them towards it and then, hopefully, they'll be curious enough that they'll ask questions, and you can give the respectful, understanding answers. But that does kinda hinge on finding a situation, and them being intellectually curious enough to ask. But it damn well should work, since you're answering questions and not dictating things at them.

Hmm, don't know about specific stuff. You can probably tie in lessons most youths are taught such as "don't judge people solely on appearances" and "think about how others feel" to trans* stuff. Along with that make sure they dont see trans* people as "abnormal", "crazy" , something that is done as "a choice" , etc. Also I guess if you see them developing some bigoted beliefs always question them on it, so they can actually critically think on the things they are being told.

Thanks for the advice.

Yeah, I was surprised to see how well the homosexuality talk went. Even more surprising was how understanding they were of the subject.
The reason why that was brought up was because a cousin of ours in Mexico recently revealed that he was gay. My lovely parents decided to take the opportunity on Thanksgiving to talk about their "disappointment" at finding out that a family member was giving the rest of the family a bad name. I know, i know. *facepalm*

As far as trying to bring up the subject of transgender to them, I do watch alot of RuPaul's drag race. i figure that could be a sort of segue into the subject.

Other options include throwing on Nip/Tuck and they recently came over while I was playing Catherine. They enjoyed the game so i figure I could finish the game with the ending that references the waitress character.

The main thing is I want to take advantage of the time we have together since I'm lucky enough to see them regularly now and that was not the case just one year ago. Their mother drops them off every morning. I feed them breakfast and take them to school. I pick them up from school and they spend their afternoons with my until dad pick them up. I want to make sure that I spend the limited amount of time I have with them ensuring that they do not absorb any of the terrible beliefs that their parents may be putting forth.

 

[Platy]

As far as trying to bring up the subject of transgender to them, I do watch alot of RuPaul's drag race. i figure that could be a sort of segue into the subject.

A season 2 and a season 3 contestant

Sonique

Carmen Carrera

have transitioned after they went out of the show

 

[CHEEZMO™]

Oh my.

 

[Femmeworth]

How is RuPaul's Drag Race? Is it just another trashy reality series? I admit that drag queens in general really rub me the wrong way.