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[ronito]

Ok, I'm sorry to ask here an apologize if this is offensive/insensitive but really this is the best place I have to ask this. I also apologize for the length of this post. But....

One interesting thing I learned from running all those confession threads was that people would torture themselves for having urges and feelings regarding their sexuality/sex identity that they felt they were the only ones ever to have said feelings, when really taken on a general scale they're really not that abnormal.

Having gotten a ton of confessions that weren't confessions but people worried they were alone in having an attraction or a feeling that they thought they were really perverted for having. I always wished there was a way that these people to somehow see that really they weren't nearly as alone as they thought.

Fast forward to the Kinsey # thread I made a few months ago. The general feeling was the test stank. And having taken it I thought it stank too. I looked around for better tests but I really didn't find anything that was close to good or treated the subject with anything more than a pre-teen level of maturity. And I felt dismayed that no one could do a better job of it.

Suddenly a light went off in my head. I could do a better job of it. Not only that, I could also not just do a better job of finding out your Kinsey #, I could take in information concerning your sexuality and show you in comparison to other people. I work in IT gathering, managing data collection systems and building the reporting system to make sense of the swathes of data in the said systems. I have the skills to do it (time's a problem though).

So the idea is people go in and answers several questions about their sexuality and then at the end they get a page with their Kinsey # and bunch of other information compared to other people that have taken the quiz. This way people could see they're not as abnormal as they think.

As I'm going through and data modeling the demographics I've encountered a bit of a sticky widget when it comes to identifying the transgendered demographic.
Here's the thing.
Most sex tests simply ask "Male/Female"?
A few ask "What gender were you born as?"
Given that the whole bit of this is more than identification it's also about comparison I think it'd be interesting to see how transgendered people compare to each other and non-trans people. Is this something you'd like to see? Do you care? Would you be offended to see something like "Here's how other transgendered males/females answered these questions." or even "Here's how transgendered people answered these questions compared to non-trans people."?

If you do care to have it segmented/identified off dimensionally so it can be reported, how do I properly ask the question? Further, do you/would you care about post-op vs. pre-op?

A few things I was thinking was something like

Gender:
Male
Female
Hermaphrodite
Non-gendered
Transgendered Female
Transgendered Male

if you feel it'd be interesting to capture the dimensionality of post ops it could look like:

Male
Female
Male - Post Op
Female - Post Op
Hermaphrodite
Non-gendered
Transgendered Female
Transgendered Male

But I do feel by categorizing it just as transgendered and not doesn't capture the spectrum. I was thinking simply asking something like:

What gender were you born?
Male
Female
Hermaphrodite

What gender do you identify as?
Male
Female
Hermaphrodite
non-gendered

I'm sorry to ask, and I hope I don't offend. But I do want to create something for everyone and something that people feel deals with their sexuality in a more mature way than other tests. Of course there will be some fun spots, but I do want to try and capture good demographics for doing interesting data mining. But I don't really know how to ask in a good and proper way.

 

[Christine]

The thing that 'pops' for me as potentially offensive is the use of 'hermaphrodite'. I'm not intersex and I don't presume to speak for them, but I can refer you to the Intersex Society of North America's stance:

In a paper titled Changing the Nomenclature/Taxonomy for Intersex: A Scientific and Clinical Rationale, five ISNA-associated experts recommend that all terms based on the root “hermaphrodite” be abandoned because they are scientifically specious and clinically problematic. The terms fail to reflect modern scientific understandings of intersex conditions, confuse clinicians, harm patients, and panic parents. We think it is much better for everyone involved when specific condition names are used in medical research and practice.

 

[ronito]

The thing that 'pops' for me as potentially offensive is the use of 'hermaphrodite'. I'm not intersex and I don't presume to speak for them, but I can refer you to the Intersex Society of North America's stance:

Yeah. I had the same thought.
I do have a friend that's a hermaphrodite and she hates the "inter-sexed" term.
I'm still deciding on that.

 

[Dr.Palutena]

Yea terminology is always gonna be an issue(such as I think it would be more apt to ask "what sex you were born"), other than that, I don't think any focus should be put on "post-op" or "pre-op" there are people who identify as trans who never intend to get any operations and thus arent pre or post anything or even see those things as an important part of identifying as the gender they do.

 

[Christine]

Yeah. I had the same thought.
I do have a friend that's a hermaphrodite and she hates the "inter-sexed" term.
I'm still deciding on that.

I'd recommend that you research a more apt way to pose the question. For starters, many people born with an intersex condition are nonetheless assigned either male or female sex at birth. Sex designation and the presence or absence of an intersex condition are separate variables, not alternate values for the same variable.

 

[NewGamePlus]

It's sort of a complicated question isn't it? The truth is you're probably going to offend someone no matter what you ask. However, one method that most people agree with is having radial choices for gender with an optional checkbox for transgender.

Gender:
() Male
() Female
() Intersex/Other
[] Transgender

Personally I don't care about anyone's "op status" because a common reason people don't have surgery is simply that they can't afford it. So I'm not sure that says anything meaningful about someone unless you know why.

 

[Dr.Palutena]

Personally I don't care about anyone's "op status" because a common reason people don't have surgery is simply that they can't afford it. So I'm not sure that says anything meaningful about someone unless you know why.

That too! Plus all together I feel it has unwarranted focus both inside and outside the trans community, I can't imagine the people out there who don't think they identify as gender X , or can't pursue living as a gender they are more comfortable with because they dont exactly want to change their genitals or whatever else. (Along with a myriad of other reasons of course)

 

[ronito]

Yea terminology is always gonna be an issue(such as I think it would be more apt to ask "what sex you were born"), other than that, I don't think any focus should be put on "post-op" or "pre-op" there are people who identify as trans who never intend to get any operations and thus arent pre or post anything or even see those things as an important part of identifying as the gender they do.

Yeah I thought the post op thing was a bit too much. I put it in for the desire to account for everything, but I don't think it adds much value.

I'd recommend that you research a more apt way to pose the question.

Ergo, why I'm asking here. What would you suggest.

It's sort of a complicated question isn't it? The truth is you're probably going to offend someone no matter what you ask. However, one method that most people agree with is having radial choices for gender with an optional checkbox for transgender.

Gender:
() Male
() Female
() Intersex/Other
[] Transgender

Personally I don't care about anyone's "op status" because a common reason people don't have surgery is simply that they can't afford it. So I'm not sure that says anything meaningful about someone unless you know why.

Yeah, I like that. But the only thing I miss out on is the transgendered male vs. female bit. That would make the Kinsey scale very difficult to determine.

Also how do I best calculate the Kinsey # for transgendered? Or better said how do I best display it. For example, a transgendered female that liked exclusively women should show up with a higher kinsey # than a transgendered female that liked exclusively male. I'd think. Or should I flip it? This is why I think the combination of what gender were you born plus the what gender to you identify solves that problem.

 

[Christine]

Ergo, why I'm asking here. What would you suggest.

As I said, separate variables.

Gender: Other or Non-binary or Female or Male

Transgender: Y or N?

Intersex: Y or N?

Here's what I'm trying to appraise you of--There are more than a few trans women, for example, who will answer your research questions as currently formulated in the following manner:

Gender:
Male
Female
Hermaphrodite
Non-gendered
Transgendered Female
Transgendered Male

Answer: Female

What gender were you born?
Male
Female
Hermaphrodite

Answer: Female.

 

[NewGamePlus]

Yeah, I like that. But the only thing I miss out on is the transgendered male vs. female bit. That would make the Kinsey scale very difficult to determine.

I don't understand what you're saying. The point of the checkbox is that it's a cleaner way to have more options.

(x) Male
( ) Female
[x] Transgender

That's what a trans man would answer.

( ) Male
(x) Female
[x] Transgender

That's what a trans woman would answer.

( ) Male
(x) Female
[ ] Transgender

That's what a non-transgender woman would answer.

Edit: Barring that idea, if you split it into two questions then using this terminology might pacify most people without being confusing:

What sex were you born as?
Male
Female
Other

What gender do you identify as?
Male
Female
Other

 

[ronito]

Hrmm I think what you're getting at. With the check boxes.
I do worry that it would lead to confusion without explicit instruction.

 

[Earthstrike]

Ronito, what do you want your program to achieve specifically? Do you want to acquire demographic data? Do you want to help people who aren't capable of identifying. I'm pretty sure I can give some helpful input with respect to what you are doing, but I need to be aware of what your specific goals are with respect to the program.

 

[yana]

Accuracy and maturity will probably bring a lot of complexity, and as a consequence, confusion. Unless you provide comprehensive answers for everything, many people will have problems finding something that suits them. An 'other' option for just about every question is a good option even if you think you have covered everything, if only to prevent inaccurate results due to people having to answer with something, even if they feel it doesn't fit.

When it comes to identifying transgenderism and not, I'd say a simple "What sex were you born as?" (male/female/intersex/other) followed by a "What gender do you identify as?" (male/female) would be the best way to do it (note the different uses of sex and gender here), though obviously with more options; for gender answers you should have male/female/both/neither/other at the very least, and potentially something in between, like mostly male/mostly female.

As for intersexed individuals, at least add an intersex option for the sex question. 'Hermaphrodite' should be avoided if possible, since it's considered inaccurate. I'm unfortunately not very familiar with intersex conditions, but it covers multiple similar conditions, and it's possible it might be necessary to add several categories of intersex, depending on how accurate and complex you want it to be.

For the sex question, AIS male (androgen insensitivity syndrome) might be worth adding too, since, while similar in ways to MTF transsexuality, is still different enough that I'd personally consider differentiating between the two. Not doing so would make them either appear as transwomen or ciswomen, depending on how they answer, while they are a unique group of their own.

For sexuality... don't use the Kinsey scale, as it's not at all specific enough. (Though since you asked, if you do end up using it, basing it on a person's gender identity, rather than sex, would be the way to go; so in the question you posed earlier, a transgendered female that only liked women would have a high Kinsey scale. This will offend far less people than going with the opposite, though you may wish to give people a choice of which to use.)

In reality there's far more nuance to human sexuality, and some people might find themselves greatly attracted to both sexes, some just as much to one, but just a little to the other; somebody else just as little to one, and neither to the other, and countless more variations. You can also split this up into physical and emotional categories, as some are attracted to one sex only physically, or very much emotionally, but not at all physically. While you could split it into even more subcategories if you so wished, I would really suggest doing at least these two, and rather than choosing on a scale between hetero/homosexual, have scales from, say, 0-10, for both sexes, both physically and emotionally.

In other words, ask how attracted people are to men physically, men emotionally, women physically, and women emotionally. It may also be an idea to display results as androphilia and gynephilia rather than hetero/homo/bi/asexuality as well, as that requires less assumptions in presenting the data.

I've probably managed to exclude a fair amount of stuff that should have been included due to either ignorance or forgetfulness, but hopefully what I did write will be of some help.

 

[Emitan]

Yes I would like to add that transgender man/trans women/whatever aren't genders. Whether a woman is cis or trans her gender is female.

 

[Earthstrike]

Yes I would like to add that transgender man/trans women/whatever aren't genders. Whether a woman is cis or trans her gender is female.

You mean whether a woman is cis or trans her sex is female?

 

[ronito]

Ronito, what do you want your program to achieve specifically? Do you want to acquire demographic data? Do you want to help people who aren't capable of identifying. I'm pretty sure I can give some helpful input with respect to what you are doing, but I need to be aware of what your specific goals are with respect to the program.

Purely demographic.

I don't know anything about being transgendered, as such I wouldn't be very helpful in helping people identify.

Like I said one theme that keeps on running through the confessions is people feel ashamed for having certainly sexual likes that they feel no one else except perverts share which it's just not true.

I'd like for someone to be able to take a questionairre and it would not only return your results but the results of people in your demographic so you can get some visibility to other's sexuality without the filters imposed by things like religion, society, self confidence.

The more posts I see the better I think the what gender were you born plus what gender do you identify as might be best as there are so many technical distinctions that accounting for every possible one would not only cause confusion it would also cause so many segregations that the data wouldn't be the helpful unless others filled it in exactly the same way as you did.

 

[Hitokage]

Yeah. I had the same thought.
I do have a friend that's a hermaphrodite and she hates the "inter-sexed" term.
I'm still deciding on that.

First keep in mind that it's an issue with sexing, not gender. Also, "indeterminate" or "ambiguous" probably apply more. Above all else, true hermaphrodites don't exist in humans. The term isn't accurate.

By the way, Kinsey didn't just come up with the number scale. His research involved taking complete sexual histories, further in the direction of what you're trying to do here. I suggest you hit up a nearby college library and check some scientific journals.

 

[Platy]

The problem of doing this is that it has LOTS of factors.

Transgender people are more easily out of the binary system, so you will find out homosexual or bisexual people more than heterosexual because if you came out of the closet as trans coming out of the closet as non hetero is a piece of cake.

If you want to talk more about trans demografics good options would be

"Wich would closely define your transition
()100%
()50%
()0%"

Maybe with sexual orientation it would be good to specify if the person at least reached the hormones part since there are some people who say that it has interference (I REALLY doubt that)

Also, Bixexual and Pansexual (with the note that pansexual means people who would date anyone from the gender spectrum as oposed to bisexual who would only date male or female) or maybe even the infamous "heterosexual - cisgender only" ....

I don't understand what you're saying. The point of the checkbox is that it's a cleaner way to have more options.

(x) Male
( ) Female
[x] Transgender

That's what a trans man would answer.

( ) Male
(x) Female
[x] Transgender

That's what a trans woman would answer.

( ) Male
(x) Female
[ ] Transgender

That's what a non-transgender woman would answer.

Edit: Barring that idea, if you split it into two questions then using this terminology might pacify most people without being confusing:

What sex were you born as?
Male
Female
Other

What gender do you identify as?
Male
Female
Other

If it has transgender checkbox it NEEDS to have cisgender checkbox too.

"Sex you were born" and "gender" is good

 

[ronito]

First keep in mind that it's an issue with sexing, not gender. Also, "indeterminate" or "ambiguous" probably apply more. Above all else, true hermaphrodites don't exist in humans. The term isn't accurate.

By the way, Kinsey didn't just come up with the number scale. His research involved taking complete sexual histories, further in the direction of what you're trying to do here. I suggest you hit up a nearby college library and check some scientific journals.

Yeah that makes sense.

And yeah I know all about Kinsey and his studies. I'm striving to give an approximation. But I have a lot of that material both from Kinsey and Masters & Johnson to read through.

 

[Hop]

Status update (since I'm clearly so interesting). Responded to the parents, now I'm back to waiting for their reply.

They had a few claims that I think kinda border on madness, so I only responded to the more sensible ones- me being selfish (I gave up treatment for years to let them come around, and I do have to take care of my mental health), being foolish or ill-informed (I've seen numerous psychiatrists, they're supposed to 'weed out' people who aren't actually trans, and I trust educated medical professionals), having no confidence in this (I did it by email because I'm too empathetic, not because I'm too full of doubt), and that I've surrounded myself with confirmation bias (have they looked at how the world still treats trans folk?). Don't know how well I defended myself without letting it show that I really don't respect them anymore; them invoking finances and extended family like I'm maliciously trying to bankrupt them and kill my grandparents kinda removed any respect I had.

So Christmas is gonna be fun.

 

[Emitan]

Status update (since I'm clearly so interesting). Responded to the parents, now I'm back to waiting for their reply.

They had a few claims that I think kinda border on madness, so I only responded to the more sensible ones- me being selfish (I gave up treatment for years to let them come around, and I do have to take care of my mental health), being foolish or ill-informed (I've seen numerous psychiatrists, they're supposed to 'weed out' people who aren't actually trans, and I trust educated medical professionals), having no confidence in this (I did it by email because I'm too empathetic, not because I'm too full of doubt), and that I've surrounded myself with confirmation bias (have they looked at how the world still treats trans folk?). Don't know how well I defended myself without letting it show that I really don't respect them anymore; them invoking finances and extended family like I'm maliciously trying to bankrupt them and kill my grandparents kinda removed any respect I had.

So Christmas is gonna be fun.

*hugs tight*

 

[Hop]

*hugs tight*

*hugs*

On the upside I don't feel guilty about planning to change my last name. Clearly they don't want me to be part of their family.

 

[Platy]

Awesome transfeminist Julia Serano talking about how what we think would be the take away of Transgender being a disease is actualy saying that if we have sexual contact with our prefered clothing we are all perverted fetishists

Here is her follow up if you want more info

 

[Junpei Heat]

I haven't posted here in very very long time and it sucks how little activity this thread gets but I have question. I'm going to be going full time in May and I was wondering if any of you that have gone full time/live as your desired gender/etc can give any advice/experience/etc because I'm really excited but rather worried it'd a spectacular failure.

 

[Platy]

I haven't posted here in very very long time and it sucks how little activity this thread gets but I have question. I'm going to be going full time in May and I was wondering if any of you that have gone full time/live as your desired gender/etc can give any advice/experience/etc because I'm really excited but rather worried it'd a spectacular failure.

Could you explain better about how are you in your transition ?
Meds, laser, binding, hair lenght .... anything that might help us see what can you expect ?

The general advice I can give is that people don't expect transgender people, so people pass way more easily than they imagine simply because the common cis people only have a binary "man/woman" for their perceptions, so at worst case be seeing as a butchy woman (or girly man if you are transdude) is actualy fairly easy (specialy if we don't open our mouths =/ )

 

[lexi]

I haven't posted here in very very long time and it sucks how little activity this thread gets but I have question. I'm going to be going full time in May and I was wondering if any of you that have gone full time/live as your desired gender/etc can give any advice/experience/etc because I'm really excited but rather worried it'd a spectacular failure.

Do you have any experience going out as your transitioned gender? I think it's a good idea to have some of this kinda experience under your belt before you go 100% full-time so at least you'll be comfortable and confident in that aspect of yourself. I think it would be a bit daunting to go from 0 to 100% on a certain date as if it's some sort of rocket launch... take gradual steps, if necessary.

 

[BuggyDClown]

Eh.

edit: we were arguing about something, i was yelling, she said that was no way for a boy to behave, and i said i'm not a boy. she said if you're not a boy what are you? a girl? and i said yes i'm a girl. yes. that's why i've been seeing the doctors and taking all these pills. yes for fuck's sake mom i am a girl.

and then we started talking about the doctors and pills

and then she walked away

double edit: I do kinda think she had known "something was up" for a while now. She had been goading and prodding me with gender-related probes for a little while now. I think me finally telling her everything put her into a bit of shock, but, I think I will be ok.

edit:: and she has expressed her disappointment/disapproval as of yesterday night. what now?

After moving to LA from DE I have learned a lot more about how little I know. I used to have zero understanding of anything involving transgender people and just go along with stereotypes. I even have friends who are gay and say that people who are transgender and bi are bs. I sued to think that anyway.

This thread is super interesting to me sometimes to glean a small perspective on what it's like for transgenderd people and I realize now I still know next to nothing. If anything the only thing I understand now is that I couldn't ever understand.

The post i quoted above exemplifies this. I don't know if I would feel now reading this how I do feel (which is both sad for the situation yoez is in, and upset with the mothers portrayed inability to understand her daughter.), had I read this only a few years ago.

I just wanted to say thanks to both Trans GAF and all L/G/B/T GAF for providing clarity to the ignorant straight GAFers like myself. You're all awesome.

I hope I don't come across somehow as an ass. I mean no offense or disrespect to anyone in any which way, I felt a little ambivalent about posting this since I don't really know much of anyone in here and these are such personal conversations.

 

[Junpei Heat]

I've been on hormones for a year,A cup I think?(I never really measured)first laser session tomorrow(yay), hair length is okay but it's growing slowly. I've never been out presenting as female, been too scared plus I don't wanna wear a wig, plus I have no experience with make up. A guy called me miss on the train today when he set next to me and I get weird/funny looks time from time.

 

[Platy]

I just wanted to say thanks to both Trans GAF and all L/G/B/T GAF for providing clarity to the ignorant straight GAFers like myself. You're all awesome.

I hope I don't come across somehow as an ass. I mean no offense or disrespect to anyone in any which way, I felt a little ambivalent about posting this since I don't really know much of anyone in here and these are such personal conversations.

Don't feel afraid to ask if you want to know something, even if it sounds really crazy
We are always willing to help people who WANTS to learn.

I've been on hormones for a year,A cup I think?(I never really measured)first laser session tomorrow(yay), hair length is okay but it's growing slowly. I've never been out presenting as female, been too scared plus I don't wanna wear a wig, plus I have no experience with make up. A guy called me miss on the train today when he set next to me and I get weird/funny looks time from time.

Lexi's advice to go little by little and only go full when you are 100% ready is as best advice anyone can give.

It is complicated to give specific advices since we can't see or hear you ... but the basics for someone with your description is :

1 and half year on hormones you will probably do fine (your mileage may vary as always)
Laser is a very powerfull tool ! Don't miss it

Colored hair also do wonders, but you should NEVER do something that you don't want only for reasons of passing.
I mean NORMAL colored hair ... not anime colored hair =P
I think wig is a "last case" option... so I understand you.
6 months is a good time for hair grow ... and there are lots of good girly hair styles, specialy if the lenght is below the jaw
(a good haircut can do wonders for a mainly jawline)

Voice work is REALLY important for full time, so if you can't afford a voice therapist there are LOTS of awesome trans voice videos on the web. This is important, so always exercise!

A good way to test is using the some slightly girly shirt and a slightly girly jeans ("gay man" girly is ideal) and see what happens.
A darker shirt is usualy best if you are don't want to use a bra

 

[mollipen]

I've been on hormones for a year,A cup I think?(I never really measured)first laser session tomorrow(yay), hair length is okay but it's growing slowly. I've never been out presenting as female, been too scared plus I don't wanna wear a wig, plus I have no experience with make up. A guy called me miss on the train today when he set next to me and I get weird/funny looks time from time.

I don't have the experience yet living full time, but I have experience going out.

It's scary at first. SCARY. Like, oh my God scary. But, you have to do it. For me, it was an outing to a local lesbian bar that has regular "transgender nights". Maybe not the best of environments, but it was a chance to go somewhere where it'd either be people who were like me, or people who were accepting of people like me. I went with a friend, which of course helped, but I ended up going again another time on my own.

At the time, my hair was pretty short—it's more what you do with it than the length. For make-up, there are plenty of tutorials on Youtube, you can try a local friend who has experience, or you can try going to a make-up counter/store that would be understanding of your situation. (From what I understand, MAC is very good about being accommodating of transgender customers.) Not sure if you have a stylist or not, but if you do—and if either they know your situation, or you think they'd be understanding—they would also possibly be a good source for somebody to help you with make-up. (I know one of the stylists at the salon I go to also does things like make-up.)

Absolutely, positively I think you need to take a few baby steps before going full time. Find a safe place where you can dress, look, and at the way you want to. Even if it's so much as another person's house, being somewhere other than your own home will take you out of your comfort zone.

While it was terrifying the first time I went out like that, it was also exhilarating. Seeing myself in the mirror, seeing the me that I thought I should see instead of the me I was used to seeing, it did an amazing thing to my mental and emotional being. I didn't care what anybody thought—I wanted that be to go out into the world. Sure, after a bit, the reality of your situation sinks in, and the fear creeps back in. *laughs* But, it was still an important experience.

 

[Junpei Heat]

Alright, thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

 

[Princess Viola]

Guys, I just realized that even though I may be going to therapy soon. I'm still not out to my mother.

The problem is, I don't really know what to say. Well, type, since I'm going to message her on Facebook over it.

 

[yeoz]

I came out.

Please forgive me for asking the question that is on many of our minds: How did it go?

It went fine, I guess you could say.
It turns out, my mom had remembered from when I told her on Facebook, she just didn't bring it up to be polite.

Guys, I just realized that even though I may be going to therapy soon. I'm still not out to my mother.
The problem is, I don't really know what to say. Well, type, since I'm going to message her on Facebook over it.

Did you forget (again?) that you already sent her a facebook message about this already?
Or, do you think she's acting like nothing happened or something?
Maybe it's the kind of thing you should actually *talk* to her about. Maybe give her a call? That way it's easier to get an actual acknowledgement out of her.

 

[Princess Viola]

Well, she still calls me her son and such.

Guess I must have forgotten (and she seems to have well...>_>)

 

[Dr.Palutena]

Well, remember, it's not a switch , the only way she will call you the proper things after 16/17 years of the opposite is insistence and even then it will take time. No need to "come out" again, just correct her and insist politely on the correct pronouns and nouns , maybe even try to connect with her more in general . But either way, these things take time and in more ways than just "coming out" .

 

[CoryCubed]

I'm not sure where to go from here. It has been a long seven years. Awhile back I posted what was basically my life story (an extraordinary series of terrible, horrible, no good very bad events). I thought I would have been done with surgery by 25 but life happened, I filed bankruptcy last year. Now I am 28, and still at least a year off from surgery, best case scenario, at one of the cheaper Thailand surgeons.

I have saved about half, but scared it won't be until I am 31 or 32. (I need a car, live a mile from work so holding out long as I can) Started HRT at 22. Fortunately, all that is left is for me to go post op, but it gets harder everyday. Suicidal thoughts have begun to creep up, and the one thing that is allowing me to save, internet work, I have no motivation to do because I am so depressed it has been so long. Mostly sleep when my brain lets me, go to work, and eat way to much.

My therapist flash retired on me. I had seen her in July, and called again in August for another appointment but she retired. I have been in contact with her since as she has my letter but I still have yet to receive it. Very frustrated with that. Really don't want to go through the whole therapist process again.

It has gotten so bad seeing others. So many girls so young to start, there whole lives ahead of them. Meanwhile mine slips away. Seems like all I see is these other girls who are so pretty, able to do so much. I have had to turn of pictures and avatars for several forums for this reason. Can't watch any beach scenes on TV, or any other show with beautiful women. I do go out some, have fun, but it is not enough. Still on constant reminder down below, that is stopping me from putting the past behind me.

I also have not told my dad. Financially he is worse off then me. That scares me that I may feel compelled to help him out. I already pay his cell phone bill $75 a month. For some reason I feel much more comfortable telling him after surgery. He hast to know though, between the long hair, earrings, girly face, lack of body hair, my Facebook with the new spelling of my name, C cups, girly jeans, surely. Don't think wearing a regular t shirt hides that.

Well I know some of you have similar problems. Just wonder how everyone copes and focuses on their lives and not others. It keeps me up at night, tonight being on of those nights.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

I'm not sure where to go from here. It has been a long seven years. Awhile back I posted what was basically my life story (an extraordinary series of terrible, horrible, no good very bad events). I thought I would have been done with surgery by 25 but life happened, I filed bankruptcy last year. Now I am 28, and still at least a year off from surgery, best case scenario, at one of the cheaper Thailand surgeons.

I have saved about half, but scared it won't be until I am 31 or 32. (I need a car, live a mile from work so holding out long as I can) Started HRT at 22. Fortunately, all that is left is for me to go post op, but it gets harder everyday. Suicidal thoughts have begun to creep up, and the one thing that is allowing me to save, internet work, I have no motivation to do because I am so depressed it has been so long. Mostly sleep when my brain lets me, go to work, and eat way to much.

My therapist flash retired on me. I had seen her in July, and called again in August for another appointment but she retired. I have been in contact with her since as she has my letter but I still have yet to receive it. Very frustrated with that. Really don't want to go through the whole therapist process again.

It has gotten so bad seeing others. So many girls so young to start, there whole lives ahead of them. Meanwhile mine slips away. Seems like all I see is these other girls who are so pretty, able to do so much. I have had to turn of pictures and avatars for several forums for this reason. Can't watch any beach scenes on TV, or any other show with beautiful women. I do go out some, have fun, but it is not enough. Still on constant reminder down below, that is stopping me from putting the past behind me.

I also have not told my dad. Financially he is worse off then me. That scares me that I may feel compelled to help him out. I already pay his cell phone bill $75 a month. For some reason I feel much more comfortable telling him after surgery. He hast to know though, between the long hair, earrings, girly face, lack of body hair, my Facebook with the new spelling of my name, C cups, girly jeans, surely. Don't think wearing a regular t shirt hides that.

Well I know some of you have similar problems. Just wonder how everyone copes and focuses on their lives and not others. It keeps me up at night, tonight being on of those nights.

That was quite a story.
I hope everything will be alright with you - just keep focusing on your goals.

 

[Femmeworth]

I'm not sure where to go from here. It has been a long seven years. Awhile back I posted what was basically my life story (an extraordinary series of terrible, horrible, no good very bad events). I thought I would have been done with surgery by 25 but life happened, I filed bankruptcy last year. Now I am 28, and still at least a year off from surgery, best case scenario, at one of the cheaper Thailand surgeons.

I have saved about half, but scared it won't be until I am 31 or 32. (I need a car, live a mile from work so holding out long as I can) Started HRT at 22. Fortunately, all that is left is for me to go post op, but it gets harder everyday. Suicidal thoughts have begun to creep up, and the one thing that is allowing me to save, internet work, I have no motivation to do because I am so depressed it has been so long. Mostly sleep when my brain lets me, go to work, and eat way to much.

My therapist flash retired on me. I had seen her in July, and called again in August for another appointment but she retired. I have been in contact with her since as she has my letter but I still have yet to receive it. Very frustrated with that. Really don't want to go through the whole therapist process again.

It has gotten so bad seeing others. So many girls so young to start, there whole lives ahead of them. Meanwhile mine slips away. Seems like all I see is these other girls who are so pretty, able to do so much. I have had to turn of pictures and avatars for several forums for this reason. Can't watch any beach scenes on TV, or any other show with beautiful women. I do go out some, have fun, but it is not enough. Still on constant reminder down below, that is stopping me from putting the past behind me.

I also have not told my dad. Financially he is worse off then me. That scares me that I may feel compelled to help him out. I already pay his cell phone bill $75 a month. For some reason I feel much more comfortable telling him after surgery. He hast to know though, between the long hair, earrings, girly face, lack of body hair, my Facebook with the new spelling of my name, C cups, girly jeans, surely. Don't think wearing a regular t shirt hides that.

Well I know some of you have similar problems. Just wonder how everyone copes and focuses on their lives and not others. It keeps me up at night, tonight being on of those nights.

It's good that you were seeing a therapist, but have you considered seeing a psychiatrist in conjunction or is that not an option?

 

[CoryCubed]

It's good that you were seeing a therapist, but have you considered seeing a psychiatrist in conjunction or is that not an option?

Thought about it, maybe for some anti depressant help but I had a bad experience with Prozac. My employer does offer five free visits but after that my problem is spending the money because it takes away from surgery. Then bringing up everything at sessions makes me more depressed and keeps the situation on my mind. I tried support group to, but had the same problem. Plus I seemed to be the only poor girl and at the time the youngest one there, no one to relate to.

 

[mollipen]

It has gotten so bad seeing others. So many girls so young to start, there whole lives ahead of them. Meanwhile mine slips away. Seems like all I see is these other girls who are so pretty, able to do so much.

Not to take away from anything you said, but I would love to be your age, but know what I know now. Those feelings you feel when you see people younger than you going through the process? That's how I feel toward you. *heh*

 

[Dr.Palutena]

I'm 20, But I doubt I will even have the chance to start HRT at 22 due to circumstances and I'd love to be where you are in terms of transitioning .As someone who likes to plan ahead, I can relate to the feeling of when things feel like they are slipping past expected dates of completion and with something like this it can be tough to hold off that feeling of wasted time and opportunity. I try to stave off this feeling by trying my best to see how I can make the most of the situation as it is now, even if it isn't at all where I want to be in the end.

 

[Platy]

It has gotten so bad seeing others. So many girls so young to start, there whole lives ahead of them. Meanwhile mine slips away. Seems like all I see is these other girls who are so pretty, able to do so much. I have had to turn of pictures and avatars for several forums for this reason. Can't watch any beach scenes on TV, or any other show with beautiful women. I do go out some, have fun, but it is not enough. Still on constant reminder down below, that is stopping me from putting the past behind me.

I also have not told my dad. Financially he is worse off then me. That scares me that I may feel compelled to help him out. I already pay his cell phone bill $75 a month. For some reason I feel much more comfortable telling him after surgery. He hast to know though, between the long hair, earrings, girly face, lack of body hair, my Facebook with the new spelling of my name, C cups, girly jeans, surely. Don't think wearing a regular t shirt hides that.

Well I know some of you have similar problems. Just wonder how everyone copes and focuses on their lives and not others. It keeps me up at night, tonight being on of those nights.

Even on gaf you can find cis girls with the exact same problems as you =P

Not being "pretty enoght" is something completly not trans related.
(on a related note, the pics on your blog you look EXACTLY like a girl who studies with me....ok ... not exactly ... she looks fatter than you)
I'm pretty sure you are doing perfectly fine.... or else I will start to get REALLY depressed since i'm praticaly at the same place as you. The only diference is that I could not give 2 shits about what my biological dad thinks or know =P
...and I'm far from a C cup
And I would bet that my country is much less trans acepting than your xD

I know that what i'm going to write here will look like some kind of heresy .... but you have to understand that the surgery is largely overated by what you are saying.
You CAN go to the beach with a good tucking (or even a shorts ... why not ?
You CAN have sex with every other place in your body... be creative.
Doing the surgery will NOT make you prettier or change ANYTHING outside your genitals.
Your text make it sound like it is a magical pill that will make all your problems go away.
It is NOT.
It will NOT put the past behind you unfortunatly. If you really want to do this you can do it RIGHT NOW.
You only have to move to a place where nobody knows you and start new.

You CAN live right now. The only thing stopping you is yourself.
If you save money but not in a berserk way, you will not delay the surgery that much and you will have a huge increase in life quality and you will feel that you are trully living like every other girl.

Relax .. the world is not ending.

 

[CoryCubed]

Platy

You maybe right, at least to a certain extent. I am putting way to much in to it. About that creativity...not exactly the way I want to have it but I have managed certain techniques that I feel are as close as I can get preop. I haven't been with anyone in awhile. Thanks for sharing about your friend, that helped! Hair is longer now too. Knowing there are others in similar situations makes it easier. Appreciate you taking the time to read the post.

I seem to generally do okay until I think about others post op not having to worry about tucking or who they are involved with, and can just go out without a thought. I'm trying to get that patience. I really am. Looking back I have come along away. You read about the unfortunate events in the blog, and all that. I recently got my student loan out of default, and have looked at taking a class or two. I live by myself (bad social anxiety), keep my bills up, and don't drink or smoke. With everything I mentioned above, I am doing much better than I feel.

I think if I can stop stressing over it then I will see more results than I have, sure my diet of fast food and soda does not help, and I can feel/see it in my hair. I have gotten better about eating though. I'd be able to save money faster which would put me in a better mood.

As for my dad, he wasn't even around from age 12-24, it was only after my mom died and his girlfriend found me on myspace (ha!) that he tried to rebuild a relationship. In a weird way I am glad he was not around, as I pretty much acted the girly self I knew I was growing up, I just lacked the funds and knowledge to really take it the level it is now. Part of me thinks he takes advantage that my mom died but the other part just thinks he's alone and trying. Its frustrating. I don't want to lose him but that maybe what happens and I need to accept that.

Dr.Palutena,

I actually had started at HRT @ 19 about a month before I met this girl and decided to wait. We were together almost two years. I regret it now cause that relationship broke me for the last six years, but the feelings and what not only grew stronger. I hate thinking back if only I had stuck to my guns at 19 and stayed strong, none of this would have happened and I probably would have been done by 23. Anyway I hope you don't go have to go through all that and can get started. Try to just forget about dates and have fun and save what I can when I can.

shidoshi

I do know a couple of girls in there 30s now starting to transition, they have had there share of life but they are pursuing their dream, even if it is a little later. I found inspiration in them. In someways I'd rather be in my 30s with a better job and funds and a family and friends network then where I am now.

 

[Dead Man]

Don't know if it is thread worthy, but I thought this was nice:
Actress, Pioneering Trans Activist April Ashley Awarded MBE By Queen Elizabeth

April Ashley, one of the first Britons to undergo gender-reassignment surgery, was made a Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (MBE) this week.

On Thursday, Ashley—who, after her surgery in 1960, worked as a model and actress and fought for the rights of the trans community—was escorted by actor Simon Callow to Buckingham Palace for her investiture.
Ashley, 77, became tabloid fodder in 1961 when a confidante sold her story to the Sunday People in 1961. Her marriage to British noble Arthur Corbett was annulled after seven years in 1970 on the grounds that she’d been born male, even though Corbett was aware of her background when they wed.
It wasn’t until the passage of the UK’s Gender Recognition Act in 2004 that Ashley was able to legally receive a new birth certificate, with help from Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott.

 

[Dr.Palutena]

So...I came out to my mom, She doesnt really understand entirely (seems to think I'm "gay") , But she said she'll always love me no matter what I do.

 

[Emitan]

So...I came out to my mom, She doesnt really understand entirely (seems to think I'm "gay") , But she said she'll always love me no matter what I do.

That's wonderful, Palu. I'm so happy for you!

 

[bloodyroarxx]

So...I came out to my mom, She doesnt really understand entirely (seems to think I'm "gay") , But she said she'll always love me no matter what I do.

Happy to hear that, wish all parents were this understanding

 

[Brian Griffin]

So...I came out to my mom, She doesnt really understand entirely (seems to think I'm "gay") , But she said she'll always love me no matter what I do.

This is most important, she'll come to understand eventually. Glad to hear it went well.

 

[mollipen]

So...I came out to my mom, She doesnt really understand entirely (seems to think I'm "gay") , But she said she'll always love me no matter what I do.

It can be a hard thing to understand. It'll take time, but she'll get there. The most important part is what she said about always loving you. That's awesome.

 

[Emitan]

Yay! My lesbian friend wants to go clothes shopping with me. Hopefully we'll hit up the gay part of town next week and I can finally get some girl things