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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
InfiniteNine
Rolling Girl
Not considering SRS until I'm guaranteed cute nurses.
Truuuue. I had like a week long recovery after my appendicitis earlier this year.
As for the nurses, some of them were cute but a lot of them were pretty rude.
Ignored me when I was in pain and bleh. Don't want that experience again.AppleSeason
Member
Wait until you meet Sri (Chettawutt's head nurse, may upgrade to surgeon soon). She can be the goddamn Rottenmeier, specially if you fail to dilate the first days and she has to force you. The rest of the nurses were nice, although being told non stop "you are a girl now!" While I had all my face bandaged and wanting to puke was surrealistic. I could only say "we will see that when we fix the bottom".
BTW, this 3-5 days also include a catheter down there, not exactly nice
I kinda miss Thailand. I could have FFS alone without problens, but for SRS I would need somebody to accompany me. I would break down fast.
I'm going to San Fran for mine, and I talked my stylist into going with me so I could try out new looks in my down time lol.
I don't think I could do it alone.
AppleSeason
Member
My parents live five minutes away from the hospital where I have been for the last six days, so i was having visits every day until I broke down and did not want to see anybody. I'm still a mess between wanting the implants removed, asking for a revision to increase my size to a small C, or replacing them outside of public healthcare. Right now I'm stuck waiting to heal, so the only thing I can do is waiting and taking care of those plastic lumps. Good thing we are in winter, though. I don't want anybody to see them or find I have had a BA. Should not be very hard as I look the same as if I was wearing an A cup push up.
The main difference I can see about SRS initial recovery compared to other surgeries is that the rest of my body would have full mobility: Arms, torso and head. No wonder that once the anaesthetic wears off I would be bored as hell. I probably won't have SRS until late 2016 and that's if the euro recovers its value. Right now I can only keep saving and try to make my mind about SRS or orchi. Problem is that I don't have anybody that close to come with me to thailand. I would have to pay for her plane ticket, hotel and food :/, adding more saving time.
The main difference I can see about SRS initial recovery compared to other surgeries is that the rest of my body would have full mobility: Arms, torso and head. No wonder that once the anaesthetic wears off I would be bored as hell. I probably won't have SRS until late 2016 and that's if the euro recovers its value. Right now I can only keep saving and try to make my mind about SRS or orchi. Problem is that I don't have anybody that close to come with me to thailand. I would have to pay for her plane ticket, hotel and food :/, adding more saving time.
Tekomandor
Member
Fuuuuck, I have to write this autobiographical letter to see a psych for hrt, after getting a recommendation from a GP, and I feel like I'm being judged for every sentence. I know he won't even care though, that's the thing.
He said on a radio show about this stuff that most of the time, the first session or two is all lies and he sometimes doesn't even write stuff down. Like, I put this off for days because of this letter, and it doesn't even matter.
But hey, at least the GP was cool and didn't charge me; and I can go to him for the actual hormones part. So I can make the wankers in my government pay for all this shit, which is very gratifying.
He said on a radio show about this stuff that most of the time, the first session or two is all lies and he sometimes doesn't even write stuff down. Like, I put this off for days because of this letter, and it doesn't even matter.
But hey, at least the GP was cool and didn't charge me; and I can go to him for the actual hormones part. So I can make the wankers in my government pay for all this shit, which is very gratifying.
It's worse sometimes than them just not writing anything down. 2 sessions in my therapist couldn't even remember my gender. Then at the end of the third session she said she had all the information needed to write a letter of recommendation, but refused to give it to me until I had payed for 12 sessions.
I'm saying this not to discourage you from seeing a therapist, but so you make sure you see the right one.
Tekomandor
Member
Yeah, the other stuff about them seems good (lots of care taken with the registration form so they don't out you and stuff) and it's a lot better than it used to be in my city - where you either were attracted to men or weren't suitable. Or so I'm told, anyway.
Anyway, I do need to see a psych to get HRT; but according to the GP who recommended me unless I'm a previously undiagnosed sufferer of something serious that could also lead to gender dysphoria, it's three sessions and then back to either him or an endo.
But something like what happened to you is seriously fucked up. Predators like that really piss me off. I hope everything worked out for you, in the end.
AppleSeason
Member
Ugh. This, so much this. I had to go through gatekeepers which said "Now I believe you" the moment I came in heels, breastforms and a wig. They had me waiting for months until I started doing RLE, and even then I needed 7 months until they gave me an official HRT prescription. of course, I had been going DIY for some time as I could not take more bullcrap. And almost immediately after starting the hormones (legally) we were talking SRS and how "it would improve my life incredibly and I was the perfect patient"...
I'm non binary and agender, despite my presentation, I always have it hard making surgical choices (low genital dysphoria).
Geez, the hoops you guys have had to go through. : (
I'm glad it sounds like some of you guys are for the most part near the end of your journey's tho!
I'm about to see a Dr. myself to discuss HRT for the first time too, Tekomandor. It's actually tomorrow, in about 24 hours from now. Really nervous but I hope it goes well. Not going to do anything necessarily, jsut going to discuss options with him and things like that. Not entirely sure what will happen/how long it will last. He's probably going to direct me to a therapist since he has a history of doing that.
I'm glad it sounds like some of you guys are for the most part near the end of your journey's tho!
I'm about to see a Dr. myself to discuss HRT for the first time too, Tekomandor. It's actually tomorrow, in about 24 hours from now. Really nervous but I hope it goes well. Not going to do anything necessarily, jsut going to discuss options with him and things like that. Not entirely sure what will happen/how long it will last. He's probably going to direct me to a therapist since he has a history of doing that.
Transition mever really ends, or at least it wont for me
Even with vaginoplasty next week i still have many surgeries and life events to achiev and making up for last time.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Good luck
Yeah, transition is a lot more than hormones, boobs or any other gender cues or characteristics. It's just the beginning of the rest of your life
AppleSeason
Member
I used to think that after full time, fixing my face and legal documents, my transition was over save for waiting for surgeries, but it is like I can't shake it out of my life. From SRS saving messing with my finances and not letting me have a normal life ("I would love to go on vacations, get a steam machine or start college, but pussy takes full priority"), to whenever I disclose having to endure transphobia and disappointments (If I ever say "Fucking cis people" I've problably been dating and things have gone very wrong, as usual)... or being asked for transition advice or how to transition with public healthcare all the time.
And the little stupid fact that after so many years I still can't confirm my sexual orientation. Not enough field experience. I simply try not to think about it, no point if people keep running away from me the moment they find out about Mr. Bratwurst.
And the little stupid fact that after so many years I still can't confirm my sexual orientation. Not enough field experience. I simply try not to think about it, no point if people keep running away from me the moment they find out about Mr. Bratwurst.
No need to be sorry. I just worry sometimes that others think transition ends for some of us it doesnt so i just like to put up my personal experience.
Congratz on that next step, take care and good luck.
Update for me. My final day at work is over....scared because im free and surgery is next week lol.
Butterfly Witch
Member
I hope the surgery goes well, Beth!
I got my estradoil today. I was also told that the lab work showed I naturally have lower than the lower limit of testosterone for genetic males.
Not getting the progesterone (sp?) yet because the doc. is worried about my history with dvts and the medications potential in influencing blood clots.
I got my estradoil today. I was also told that the lab work showed I naturally have lower than the lower limit of testosterone for genetic males.
Not getting the progesterone (sp?) yet because the doc. is worried about my history with dvts and the medications potential in influencing blood clots.
Thanks!!!
Congratz on the Estrdoil!
And yeah got to becareful, some of these can be very dangerous if not done in the right amounts or time.
Take care and keep us updated!
Butterfly Witch
Member
Progesterone is still something that I have yet to find any real evidence of doing anything at all for trans women.
Thank you very much, ladies!
My doc told me as much that there's debate on it's safety and whether it does anything or not. He also requested I call him by his first name instead of Dr. (his last name) when I thanked him over the phone. He seems nice.
My doc told me as much that there's debate on it's safety and whether it does anything or not. He also requested I call him by his first name instead of Dr. (his last name) when I thanked him over the phone. He seems nice.
Sadly most most things without it are praticaly impossible to find here =/
I heard the pure estrogen injections were banned because of something like farm doping =P
AppleSeason
Member
I saw my endo last wednesday. We discussed adding progesterone to my regime the next time I come back, as she does not want to increase the risk of clotting when I am just two weeks fresh from surgery.
I have DIY'd with P before, and although it never gave me a minor improvement in breast shape or helped with fat redistribution, it improved my mood a lot... And actually gave me a libido. Ever since I stopped I lack any kind of sexual desire or physical attraction to other people, which can get depressing after some time. I used to hate my high libido as whenever I tried dating somebody my dysphoria always peaked, but the full opposite is equaly bad.
Anyways, In 10 days I can propose exchanging my "free" P.I. SRS with public healthcare for an orchi to the surgeon. I've been giving this a lot of thought, as right now I don't feel capable of undergoing SRS and my T has always been a problem due to being fairly resistant to even cyproterone acetate. My plan was to go under the knife on fall 2016 through the private surgeon route, but no matter how I look at it there are several issues I can't overcome, from time to dilate when I go back to work to finding a place to live that has an elevator (I have been warned that there are far too many stairs were I live and it won't hold up), and the fact that I would have to go to Thailand alone with nobody to support me. Not to mention the regret I'm going through with the BA.
The problem with the orchi is the obvious, if I change my mind later I will have to deal with tissue athropy and worse SRS results.
I have DIY'd with P before, and although it never gave me a minor improvement in breast shape or helped with fat redistribution, it improved my mood a lot... And actually gave me a libido. Ever since I stopped I lack any kind of sexual desire or physical attraction to other people, which can get depressing after some time. I used to hate my high libido as whenever I tried dating somebody my dysphoria always peaked, but the full opposite is equaly bad.
Anyways, In 10 days I can propose exchanging my "free" P.I. SRS with public healthcare for an orchi to the surgeon. I've been giving this a lot of thought, as right now I don't feel capable of undergoing SRS and my T has always been a problem due to being fairly resistant to even cyproterone acetate. My plan was to go under the knife on fall 2016 through the private surgeon route, but no matter how I look at it there are several issues I can't overcome, from time to dilate when I go back to work to finding a place to live that has an elevator (I have been warned that there are far too many stairs were I live and it won't hold up), and the fact that I would have to go to Thailand alone with nobody to support me. Not to mention the regret I'm going through with the BA.
The problem with the orchi is the obvious, if I change my mind later I will have to deal with tissue athropy and worse SRS results.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Thank you very much, ladies!
My doc told me as much that there's debate on it's safety and whether it does anything or not. He also requested I call him by his first name instead of Dr. (his last name) when I thanked him over the phone. He seems nice.
Pretty much.
I've read several studies on the subject and not once has there been any case where Peogesterone did anything in particular. It's really good to thicken the uterine wall when you ovulate but if we had an uterus then we wouldn't be getting hormones in pill form now would we?
I'm sorry to hear that Platy. Farm doping? I'm not sure I want to know.... lol.
As with everything, YMMV.
Your features will change very slowly so I don't think you'll have much concern with that. When I was one year into HRT I could still very easily put on boy clothes and have no one be the wiser. The dental assistant once thought I was 17 (lol) but that's about it.
I'm really sorry that you have had to deal with the things you have had to deal with in regards to your BA. As someone who is eagerly awaiting to do the same, I cannot imagine what it would be like to not get exactly what I want.
I understand that you have problems with your T but couldn't you just do an orchi and do implants to keep the scrotal skin distended enough for SRS later on? From what I understand your main problem with your BA has been not getting what you wanted out of it so I'd say think about what's the most important for yourself: just controlling the T production or actually having a vagina. I'm not really sure how to solve your other issues but do you not have any friends who'd be willing to "babysit" you a bit or help you out?
I started the ball rolling yesterday for my own surgery referral. I'll have my second opinion around my 1 year HRT anniversary in February, then go on the 6-9 month waiting list for the surgery itself. I'll probably be going in around November next year if all goes to plan.
I'm losing weight currently so in theory that should help with that and people in general seem to find me young looking anyway.
just trying to kill off all the blocks in my head on not doing anything. really doesn't help to repeatedly think "y'know, it really wouldn't hurt to wait a little longer..."
Butterfly Witch
Member
You're fine then. I mean, how many times have you seen someone change over time and thought "hmm... they're probably taking hormones"? It's not really something that people think about, especially cis people.
The only people who tell me that I look super different are those people who haven't seen me in 5+ years, otherwise it's if there's the oddball chance of me browsing old photos and directly comparing them to a recent photo.
AppleSeason
Member
The main problem is that I can't seem to make my mind right now about what surgery route should I take. I would like to be "complete" and stop all the rejection when dating, the fear of being discovered in the changing rooms. At the same time now I am terrified to have surgery regrets with something that can't be undone. The BA was a major screwup that now I'm having it hard while my body heals before deciding whether to remove them or try to live with them and hope I can get myself used to them. I have checked on my few friends, but no one has enough room for this.
Things got pretty bad today. Due to taking the public healthcare route I have to go into forced therapy "forever" if I want to keep having my treatment covered by public healthcare. I've been trying to get out of there since I had FFS and wanted to go back to a normal life without having to talk about my trans life every three months. The therapist they assigned us this year is extremely unfriendly (they are gatekeepers of the worst kind). I had been putting a nice face to them until I could get the surgery and SRS letters, but I ended having a fight with him today. He was angry at my mental breakdown while recovering, blaming me on everything (sure, he does not have anything to say about the other girls that gave up on treatment after he was put on charge or left the appointments crying) and treating me like shit until I got tired of keeping with his bullshit. Apparently unless I keep going and acting like a lapdog and "a nice stereotypical tranny", I can kiss my HRT goodbye. Given how expensive cypro can get if not covered, I need to make a decission fast between orchi or SRS.
I had been planning for this situation for years (leaving the service because I could not stand the forced therapy or they could cancel my treatment in the moment i did not act in a way they liked). I'm going to try and see if I can either get another person to treat me instead of him (I'm androphobic, BTW, so the time I have to spend with him is pure hell), or to get another endo to treat me outside of the gender identity unit.
PS: I see a therapist specialised in LGBT patients on my own (that's where I get my support from), and she hates the therapists at the gender units and how abusive the service is.
PS2: The moron even said that I was not going to therapy with him. That I had to be controlled for the rest of my life by them if I wanted the treatment covered, and they would not allow me to simply had an endo checkup every six month if I did not went through them
Well not hormones specifically by my mom has a habit of noticing physical changes for better or worse :/
Which tbf the people at work probably wouldn't, especially since it's a group of guys
If anything the probably most likely noticeable places would be if we go on vacation to the beach like we normally do. I have in recent years completely avoided swimming or wearing just a bathing suit so theoretically no big deal there again but yeah
Honestly in addition to me just being nervous about everything it's probably partially because I'd like it to be a problem
Also probably since it's not one of the direct things to be nervous about and I can't really change those but just deal with them which I'm generally too terrified to actually pursue but at the same time quite antsy at not doing anything.
Farm Dopping in the meaning that people injected cows so they can give milk soon or some crazy stuff like that
"you look ...strange"
"yeah my body is weird these days... must be some weird hormones they put on the meat"
By meat you mean your body xD
"you look ...strange"
"yeah my body is weird these days... must be some weird hormones they put on the meat"
By meat you mean your body xD
No lie, my mom suggested that something in the water/food was causing me to have less testosterone/more estrogen so she'd probably believe it if I said something like that
A tiny bit worried I may have taken my first estradoil wrong. I'm supposed to take it sublingual under the tongue when I go to bed and the first one I took started to dissolve. It's 2mg. But then my mouth started to salivate a lot and after just a minute or so I swallowed it cause the saliva was all like: "There's something in the mouth, let's get at it!" I could also taste it a tiny bit which I've heard I shouldn't be able to if I take it right? I think it dissolved a decent bit but I was hearing about how some people somehow make it take like a half hour to dissolve so, yea. Not sure if I did it wrong or not.
Misha is your mom judgmental or?
Appleseason that sounds horrid! And that's an understatement. It's just a way for them to try to control women, it sounds like. Where are you, exactly? Whereever it is, I hope things improve wonderfully for you very soon.
Misha is your mom judgmental or?
Appleseason that sounds horrid!
And that's an understatement. It's just a way for them to try to control women, it sounds like. Where are you, exactly? Whereever it is, I hope things improve wonderfully for you very soon.AppleSeason
Member
Appleseason that sounds horrid!
It's pretty bad, as I today he confirmed that despite being a psychiatrist he was not giving me therapy of any kind, just keeping track of my status and greenlighting HRT, SRS and BA. During the time I was at the hospital I was pretty delirous and hit badly from the depression and pain, so I echoed a lot of things, especially how I think that they SRS surgeon is a damn liar that I would not want her to touch him. It's something very long but he lied about a crucial point about SRS that made me lost his trust. Some shrinks came to my hotel room, but I was in a catatonic state. When I was not crying or staring to the ceiling and drooling I'd tell him that I did not want to be treated.
The Gender Identity units are filled with horror stories, mostly because they work on the gatekeeping system. You need to act as a super binary stereotype transwoman if you want to pass through (saying you like men helps and everything as being a lesbian is not well seen). Some people have been on hold for HRT up to 9 years, and there are severe punishment for DIY's, like being expelled. and denied treatment completely.
If I went out things would be complicated I can pay a private consultation with an endo once every six months without issues, but private clinics won't cover your meds unless you are insured (nobody is insured here due to public healthcare), so my monthly cypro prescription would go from 14 to 70. I can order shots online on the cheap, but with AA's there's no workaround and this has always been my fear in case I ended out.
So that's why I know feel pressured. He wants me to come back in february, but if I refuse to go (I'm scared) they may withould my prescription. I'm going to cut my AA by 50% in an effort to stash meds, as I simply can't go to the pharmacy and order 20 boxes. Worst case scenario I would jump for orchi or SRS, and there's where I need to make my mind. I wish I really could talk with a good therapist or friend who has gone through surgery to know how she obtained the valour to go through and then accept the results no matter what. It's not only the fear about the recovery, but also the fear of regretting "losing it", or the aesthetic values not fitting to my expectatives (it's a neovagina, after all).
It's odd. With my face 15 minutes after taking my bandage the "who is this person" sensation went away and I claimed as my own. I could only enjow, laugh and almost cry, not seeing a man in the mirror for the first time. I still complain about the nose, but from that day onwards nobody has ever misgendered me and I even pass most of the time. But I was not expecting the regret about the breasts, even if i wanted to think of them as temporary ones (If I went from A to D) I would get stretch marks like crazy.
My ideas to solve the crysis:
- On monday go to the hospital's patient's complaints area, and ask to be treated by a different person after the cruel treatment I endured. And preferably a women, I can't open myself to male shrinks.
- Request that my endocrinology treatment is handled outside of the gender unit, and ask to be fully removed from it. This can be tricky if they decide not do revisions of the BA is something goes wrong or I won't be able to ask the local SRS surgeon to do a fix if complications with the neovagina happen.
i suppose you'd say that. my dad is definitely worse though
There's no solid answer. It all depends on how you ramp up on the hormones, your levels, how aggressive your doctor / self-medicating is, how your body handles the hormones, etc.
I started estrogen in January of last year, testosterone blockers in February, progesterone in April. When I met up with a trans friend right after my April appointment, she made a comment that I was started to get big enough chest-wise that I should start doing more than just wearing a shirt by itself. (I thought I was still getting away with it, but maybe not.)
In my case, I go to a doctor that takes things safe instead of fast. So, I could maybe have seen results even before that if I was going harder on my levels. The thing about breasts is when you're going from nothing to something, it's going to be noticeable quick. So, you might not have all that long before somebody notices, you might have a handful of months, it all depends on your body.
Face-wise and other things, the changes won't be nearly as fast as you might expect.
How people "know" you really is one of the biggest things. If you're a bit more on the androgynous side, then it'll obviously be easier to get away with things, because people will noticed the changes less. If you're going from totally hardcore boy mode, then even the smaller changes will stand out more.
Well I already somewhat have boobs (probably due to being overweight unfortunately) and more noticeable butt/theighs etc, enough of both of those that guys cuts of clothing have been awkward for me as long as I can remember. And I've always been super clean shaven and not particularly masculine facial features.
The boobs would definitely possibly be a concern of they add up with what I already have to something less manageable.
Really I just realized I was thinking about it all wrong. If my mom called me out on similar things in the past despite it being baseless and nothing came of it (besides my parents suggesting I needed to lift weights or have my testosterone checked) then It shouldnt matter now even if she notices
On another note I'm frustrated with cameras. Looking in the mirror I tend to look pretty good but with a camera I look like a zombie and more masculine too. Hopefully the mirror is what everyone else sees
Hella Lugosi
Member
I have this same problem! I'll see myself in the mirror and think "I look sexy today I should take some selfies" and then I take like 20 pics before I find one I'm even somewhat satisfied with.
But the only camera I have is the one on my phone which is an 8 year old dumbphone so that's probably a factor.
Team Alucard
Banned
For the vast majority of people that's the case. Most people don't have perfectly symmetrical faces, so when you look at photos your features are flipped, which sends confusing signals to your brain because you're so used to seeing your face the other way when looking in the mirror.
For example, my nose is ever-so slightly crooked. I can't even tell when looking in a mirror, but it becomes super apparent to me in every photo because its now curving the other way.
yup that exact same situation except I have an iPhone and it doesn't really help (and I think cute rather than sexy
)I think I have a total of maybe 2 pics I like of myself
Well there's a few other theories I have too. Like it feels like there's a slight fisheye effect that feels like it makes my nose bigger and it seems like the light it picks up is more yellow which makes the bags under my eyes look worse. Also I have a theory that when you're looking at someone/ a mirror you're constantly moving so you can't pick out specifics as much but with a static image you can see every little bit
But yeah I have a slightly crooked nose, my nostrils are slightly different sizes, my eye sockets are slightly different, and a few other things so there's definitely plenty for that
The_Descolada
Neo Member
Hi everyone, I'm Bec!
I found out about this thread a while back and have lurked a bit but my account finally got validated so hello! I am but a humble nonbinary person trying to make it in the big ass scary world, but I have to say this thread makes it a little less scary. (they/them pronouns btw)
I found out about this thread a while back and have lurked a bit but my account finally got validated so hello! I am but a humble nonbinary person trying to make it in the big ass scary world, but I have to say this thread makes it a little less scary. (they/them pronouns btw)
Welcome !
Are you an Orson Scott Card fan or do you live in a latin country ? xD
The_Descolada
Neo Member
Well I'm more of an Ender's Game fan than an Orson Scott Card fan bc fuck that guy