Support NeoGAF

[Tabris]

But asking someone who just had a kid to go to Vegas is kinda dumb. Maybe you're trying too hard to hold on to the past instead of the new situation.

No I mean my answer is always yes to something like that. That's why I don't like planning things weeks out. You never know what better thing may become available. Need to be available for the opportunity.

Actually, you know what the difference is - it's like those beer commercials that show the person who said yes to something and the person who said no. I'm trying to find them on youtube. That encapsulates it well.

 

[pigeon]

No I mean my answer is always yes to something like that. That's why I don't like planning things weeks out. You never know what better thing may become available. Need to be available for the opportunity.

Would you say you, I don't know, hate committing to things?

 

[danowat]

When you have kids, you'll understand.

However, I had my daughter fairly young, she is now 18 and living her own life, so I may have had a boring 20's - 30's, but I am now living it up in my 40's when I have way more disposable income than I ever would have had in my 20's or 30's!

 

[foxtrot3d]

I'm curious about what the OP talks about that he finds so interesting.

.

OP you really just sound like an asshole.

 

[jb1234]

No I mean my answer is always yes to something like that. That's why I don't like planning things weeks out. You never know what better thing may become available. Need to be available for the opportunity.

Actually, you know what the difference is - it's like those beer commercials that show the person who said yes to something and the person who said no. I'm trying to find them on youtube. That encapsulates it well.

Okay? But most people's lives don't operate on spontaneity, especially once you get married and/or have children. If you want these people to be in your life, it sounds like you should make more of an effort to schedule things with them. If that's too much work for you, move on as they deserve better.

 

[affleck1981]

Giving up on trying to schedule anything with them. It's annoying. It requires long term scheduling and that's generally not how I live my life. I like making plans as things come up.

"Wanna go to Vegas this weekend?" Answer is always yes.

How old are the kids of these parents? If they're still in nappies/breastfeeding etc, then it is actually quite difficult to suddenly go to Vegas on a whim. You have to factor in the stress it will put on the baby and his/her routine, the extra amount of stuff you have to take with you, what you can do in Vegas that is suitable for a newborn, as I imagine the casinos don't look to kindly on screaming babies next to the roulette table...

Honestly, parents can be pretty boring, but expecting them to drop everything which includes a child that they hopefully unconditionally love to satisfy your schedule which as you've admitted you just simply do as things come up - that's pretty hard to do as a parent of a newborn,

Also, as to the boring post, maybe it's because all they've done for the last few weeks is look after their child and watch television.

When my second child was born, my wife suffered from Post-Natal Depression, meaning I was looking after two children, going to teach and worried about my wife's health. Apologies to everyone I met if I was boring when I talked to you, but I had a lot of other things on my mind.

 

[Gravy Boat]

No I mean my answer is always yes to something like that. That's why I don't like planning things weeks out. You never know what better thing may become available. Need to be available for the opportunity.

Actually, you know what the difference is - it's like those beer commercials that show the person who said yes to something and the person who said no. I'm trying to find them on youtube. That encapsulates it well.

What you're saying also applies to anyone who has a job and needs to give notice for time off, or anyone who isn't wealthy.

 

[Milksheikhs]

No I mean my answer is always yes to something like that. That's why I don't like planning things weeks out. You never know what better thing may become available. Need to be available for the opportunity.

Doesn't really seem like something a friend does to another friend. If I make plans with a friend I don't just say "oh hey this better thing came along sorry bye"...but maybe I'm reading this differently then how you intended.

 

[Goodlife]

Honestly, OP, it's (for me anyway) because I can't be arsed.

I've spent 10/15 years with you (no, not you) sitting in a bar, getting pissed, doing dumb Shit, then spending the next day or so recovering.
It was great fun, I really enjoyed it.

But for the next 5 / 10 years I'm going to give 99% of my time to my kids.
I'd still like to catch up, but making arrangements for childcare isn't easy and I'm probably going to have to be up at 2am trying to settle a kid, then at 6am when they decide they have had enough of bed, so as much as I might fancy getting pissed, its just not going to be worth it, sorry.

And I'm not talking much about other stuff, because, frankly, I don't get time to watch the latest film or tv show, play the latest game, etc etc.

It's going to get "better" as my kids grow up and become a little more independent.... But at the moment this is my life, sorry... I'd love for you to stick around, but if you choose not to, then I'm not going to loose much sleep over it.

 

[AndrewPL]

OP are you shallow and self centred? Maybe if these were actual friends or people you value you wouldn't be spending time at a bar but would be at a park or at thier house and interacting with thier offspring so you'd see that the have more important shit to deal with than entertaining you with conversation.

 

[blankempathy]

Yeah it can be a pain sometimes. I've had friends since high school and more recently they've become part of our group that always hang out. They used to not be regulars but now they are. And they constantly talk about their kids. I've actually started to get annoyed with them because they're always talking during times where either me or 2 of my other friends are reading rules (we play lots of board and card game plus d&d) so often it takes forever to get a game going. And honestly kids aren't all that interesting. If they are healthy and happy that's all I need to know. I don't need the details about their everyday lives. After all, I was a kid once. Though in my case I just wish my friends would focus more on what were doing instead of trying to entertain with stories of their kids.

 

[NinjaMouse]

OP is just asking to be told, "don't worry, you'll grow up one day, too."

In all seriousness, this is what I consider almost a natural progression. We waited until our mid thirties to have our kid and really was a positive game changer. I thought exactly like you and despised when people tried to convince me otherwise. The truth is, now that I'm a parent, I don't miss that previous life at all. Kids aren't nearly the drain on life that people think they are.

 

[Blackthorn]

WTF, Gaf, how has no one avatar-quoted the OP yet?

On topic: I'm in my twenties and am friends with a few people in their 30s who have kids. Totally cool, interesting people with plenty to talk about even if they don't crawl bars. Kids only come up if I steer the conversation that way.

This sounds like a "when you think everyone else is an asshole" situation.

 

[Ruddles72]

As someone who has pretty recently become a parent, that's pretty rude of you. Giving up on friends? Because they have a child? You should be thrilled for them and if you were good friends with them you should want their kid to be a part of your life as much as they are.

I completely get it that people with children refocus their whole life around their child. It's totally natural, and I applaud it and support it. I have had friends that I spend less time with because they have other - far more important - priorities in their life.

What I find annoying and offensive is when parents think that in addition to THEM being obsessed with their child, I TOO should be interested in their child.

Why should I want someone else's kid to be a part of my life? What interests will we have in common? I mean sure, I like toddlers, they are fun, but I'd rather play with a puppy than a toddler. Why do you think I have an obligation to be interested in your spawn? It's a separate human being, I might like your kid, but I might loathe it.

Why do new parents lose so much empathy with the rest of the world? I totally get it that the video of your child doing something funny is something that you treasure, but why are you so insensitive that you think that I will find your child fascinating and want to see photos and videos of it. Newsflash - other people's kids are usually boring.

Key disclosure: my wife and I can't have kids. We've accepted that, and we spoil our nieces and nephews and spend as much time with them as we can. But new parents are always egocentric / world-revolves-around-my-spawn / insensitive / un-empathetic. And they have no idea they are doing it even.

 

[danowat]

Why do new parents lose so much empathy with the rest of the world? I totally get it that the video of your child doing something funny is something that you treasure, but why are you so insensitive that you think that I will find your child fascinating and want to see photos and videos of it. Newsflash - other people's kids are usually boring.

Because your brain changes once you have kids

 

[reptilescorpio]

Having children generally is big shift in your enjoyment of your friends.
The fact is your best friend is likely to be your partner and you are going through some heavy shit together, which brings you even closer.
I'd also argue that your child is basically an extension of yourself, so your kid(s) is/are going to be the 1st or 2nd most important person in your life due to that extension, basically taking the #1 or #2 friend slots up internally in the family.

So now you have your friends. These are people you don't spend 24/7 with, otherwise you probably would have married one of them. It now becomes a juggling act, it can be hard to choose to spend time with friends as it means less time to spend with your family and at the end of the day you are more likely to enjoy that time better with family.

Also your friends likely think you are weird OP due to the changes in their lives and the lack of change in yours. You can choose to find new friends that suit your needs better or roll with it.


(also people post pictures of their kids on Facebook/Twitter as their way of showing they haven't fucked everything up and they are smart enough to raise the damn things)

 

[dity]

It could be that all their time not at work or sitting with you involves their child. That might just be the reason OP.

 

[jb1234]

I completely get it that people with children refocus their whole life around their child. It's totally natural, and I applaud it and support it. I have had friends that I spend less time with because they have other - far more important - priorities in their life.

What I find annoying and offensive is when parents think that in addition to THEM being obsessed with their child, I TOO should be interested in their child.

I can't speak to the entitlement but I know that if I'm close to someone, I also want to know about the other aspects of their lives, including their kids.

 

[pigeon]

I completely get it that people with children refocus their whole life around their child. It's totally natural, and I applaud it and support it. I have had friends that I spend less time with because they have other - far more important - priorities in their life.

What I find annoying and offensive is when parents think that in addition to THEM being obsessed with their child, I TOO should be interested in their child.

Why should I want someone else's kid to be a part of my life? What interests will we have in common? I mean sure, I like toddlers, they are fun, but I'd rather play with a puppy than a toddler. Why do you think I have an obligation to be interested in your spawn? It's a separate human being, I might like your kid, but I might loathe it.

Why do new parents lose so much empathy with the rest of the world? I totally get it that the video of your child doing something funny is something that you treasure, but why are you so insensitive that you think that I will find your child fascinating and want to see photos and videos of it. Newsflash - other people's kids are usually boring.

Key disclosure: my wife and I can't have kids. We've accepted that, and we spoil our nieces and nephews and spend as much time with them as we can. But new parents are always egocentric / world-revolves-around-my-spawn / insensitive / un-empathetic. And they have no idea they are doing it even.

You're just not representative.

A) I love seeing my friends kids. That is part of why I'm friends with them, because I think they're cool and so their kid is probably cool too.
B) People put in a ton of effort to tell us that they love our kid and want to see more photos and videos. They give lots of positive feedback when we post stuff. They ask incessantly when we don't. Sometimes they complain about things we post on Facebook because they aren't pictures of our kid.

I think maybe most people find kids adorable and pleasant and you specifically don't.

 

[grimmiq]

Are you David Cross?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPgmSs7wMPE

 

[Aon]

Are you a fake person? Taking your life's philosophies from beer commercials and dreaming of being asked out to Vegas of all places?

 

[Darryl]

People get boring when they start with their major relationships. When they start with 9-5 jobs. People need you less, OP. I don't know how you are just now noticing this.

 

[Frodo]

I went to visit my friend (who has a small daughter) the other day and we barely talked, my entire visit consisted of watching her daughter sing "Let it Go" live multiple times, over and over and over and over and over.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

He still hasn't answered what conversations he finds exciting.

 

[Shuggananas]

I went to visit my friend (who has a small daughter) the other day and we barely talked, my entire visit consisted of watching her daughter sing "Let it Go" live multiple times, over and over and over and over and over.

Sounds like a time

 

[Tabris]

I'm curious about what the OP talks about that he finds so interesting.

It's not just about the conversation, but about doing. They rather relax back drinking wine talking about tv at a casual dinner party that they slaved over for the entire day to make, then go out and live it up. You can just see the "it's all over" in their eyes. Yes, I'm generalizing a bit to make a point.

To answer your question directly though, there is no set framework for what I talk about. I talk about what's interesting, what's happened, what's going on (everyone can use a bit of Marvin Gaye). Talk about love, work, and life. You have a set thing you talk about?

 

[WanderingWind]

I mean, isn't this obvious? Priorities change when you go through major life events. What you find "boring" has become the focus of their life. It doesn't mean they find it "boring." Chances are that at some point in your life going to the bar will be "boring" to you, as well. And if not, guess what, those people who have moved beyond that part of their life may very well be finding you to be "boring."

I once used to think Hot Wheels were the coolest shit ever. Then I was for sure going to play soccer forever. Then I was super into video games. When I was really into those things, I was excited by them. I wanted to talk about them. But if somebody goes into a long rant about why X video game is a game changer and you don't two shits about video games, you will be very boring to that person.

I mean, I'm sure you actually understand all of this and were just being facetious, but with the internet you can never be too sure.

 

[Gravy Boat]

I completely get it that people with children refocus their whole life around their child. It's totally natural, and I applaud it and support it. I have had friends that I spend less time with because they have other - far more important - priorities in their life.

What I find annoying and offensive is when parents think that in addition to THEM being obsessed with their child, I TOO should be interested in their child.

Why should I want someone else's kid to be a part of my life? What interests will we have in common? I mean sure, I like toddlers, they are fun, but I'd rather play with a puppy than a toddler. Why do you think I have an obligation to be interested in your spawn? It's a separate human being, I might like your kid, but I might loathe it.

Why do new parents lose so much empathy with the rest of the world? I totally get it that the video of your child doing something funny is something that you treasure, but why are you so insensitive that you think that I will find your child fascinating and want to see photos and videos of it. Newsflash - other people's kids are usually boring.

Key disclosure: my wife and I can't have kids. We've accepted that, and we spoil our nieces and nephews and spend as much time with them as we can. But new parents are always egocentric / world-revolves-around-my-spawn / insensitive / un-empathetic. And they have no idea they are doing it even.

The bolded isn't true at all. And I probably wasn't clear with what I meant by that comment. I'm not saying you need to be an active part of the kids life, but it's no unreasonable to expect you to at least be interested in it, especially if you were good friends with the parents. And I don't mean asking how the kid is getting on because you feel like they want you to ask, but I just feel that if you were good friends with these people you should be genuinely interested in their child and be empathetic to the fact that they have a new top priority in life now. I couldn't imagine one of my good friends having a child and me just not being interested in how it or they are doing. Only one of my good friends currently has a kid and I text him weekly to see how his family is getting on, as well as making the effort to socialise with him when we have time.

Some parents are obnoxious in that they're always shoving photos and videos of their child in their face, but I'm the complete opposite of that. I rarely talk about my daughter in work or to my friends unless it's relevant to the conversation, or if they ask about her. I've posted maybe 5 photos total of her on Facebook in the year since she was born. However if one of my friends was to say to me 'I really have no interest in your daughter, she's boring, I'd rather play with a dog' then there are no words to describe how horribly offended I would be. I can't understand that train of thought when you're talking about someone who is/was supposedly a close friend.

 

[blankempathy]

Sounds like a time

To be fair I know some people who would love that and would sing along. I'm not one of them. Some people just assume their friends and family loved it and that you had the best time ever.

 

[way more]

If Dinotrux aren't interesting then I don't want to be interesting.


Edit: I have a 2 year old. I'm not some weirdo who likes childrens cartoons and talks about them on the internet.

 

[eso76]

They (we) just entered a different "segment".
You just don't have much to share. The things they find interesting are now boring to you.

The problem with us new parents is we tend to forget our kids aren't the most amazing thing in the world to anyone besides ourselves (and grandparents, sometimes).
Those who don't have kids are especially immune.
I remember when friends were eager to show me pics / talk about their kids and i wasn't really all that thrilled. I am sometimes tempted to do the same now, but having been through that I refrain from forcing my friends in showing interest.

TLDR:
You shouldn't expect them to entertain you.
At the same time they shouldn't expect you to just be there to compliment their kid and find him/her amazing.

 

[AndrewPL]

I went to visit my friend (who has a small daughter) the other day and we barely talked, my entire visit consisted of watching her daughter sing "Let it Go" live multiple times, over and over and over and over and over.

I'm sure your friend had an awkward time as well but didn't know how to handle it as well as she should have.

Maybe next time invite her to a playground or a kid friendly cafe (toys, play area etc) even a McDonald's with a playground would mean you get some one on one time....

 

[Chichikov]

But for the next 5 / 10 years I'm going to give 99% of my time to my kids.

Can I give you an advice?
Don't.
Of course you should spend quality time with your children and of course you should strive to be best parent that you can, but most (many? some? me and people I know? this ain't a survey) people will go crazy if they're spending all of their free time with their kids.
I strongly believe a well adjusted and happy parents are more important to a kid then having both of them present and engaged with them at all time.
And unless you have to work crazy long hours, it is possible to have kids, be a good parent and still have a meaningful, interesting part of your life that does not directly involve your kids.

Also, letting kids to have some time away from their parents (or at least time when their parents is not actively engaging them) are good for their development.

 

[Iriscomeback]

I don't think they become boring, their prioirities just shift, like many already said.

But I do think it can be annoying sometimes.

Just the other day a friend of my wife came over with her baby. All we did was look at the baby and talk about what he was doing. That got old really fast...

You have a baby, I get it.

 

[Tabris]

To be fair I know some people who would love that and would sing along. I'm not one of them. Some people just assume people would be the latter and that you had the best time ever.

Listen to a 2 year old sing Let It Go for the 10th time.

vs

Joining in with a bunch of your friends, and some strangers you met before, singing in a karaoke room you guys rented out, doing shots right before you sing each time, after getting a table at the club where you met up with those strangers while one of your buddy tried to pick up a girl in the group, after pre-gaming at a local bar.

 

[thetrin]

new parents don't have a super active social life??? Weird!

You don't need an active social life to be an interesting person. You can still be an engaging person with opinions, a humorous personality, etc. etc.

If this is really the case with his friends, it's likely they were NEVER interesting. It's just apparent now.

Listen to a 2 year old sing Let It Go for the 10th time.

vs

Joining in with a bunch of your friends, and some strangers you met before, singing in a karaoke room you guys rented out, doing shots right before you sing each time, after getting a table at the club where you met up with those strangers while one of your buddy tried to pick up a girl in the group, after pre-gaming at a local bar.

I'm not a kid person in the least (can't stand them, tbh), but I can offer a thought on this:

You're missing out on the emotional element of seeing your own creation grow, become its own person with feelings and thoughts, and loving something more than you've ever loved before.

 

[blankempathy]

It's not just about the conversation, but about doing. They rather relax back drinking wine talking about tv at a casual dinner party that they slaved over for the entire day to make, then go out and live it up. You can just see the "it's all over" in their eyes. Yes, I'm generalizing a bit to make a point.

To answer your question directly though, there is no set framework for what I talk about. I talk about what's interesting, what's happened, what's going on (everyone can use a bit of Marvin Gaye). Talk about love, work, and life. You have a set thing you talk about?

They're tired. Kids are a lot of work. Top that off with actual jobs and of course they're not going to want to put in the extra effort to get prettied up and go out. It doesn't always last though. Sometimes it does. Though if your unhappy about them not wanting to go out and live it up it's on you whether you want to keep attempting to hang out with you. With all that on their plate it's a bit unreasonable for you to expect them to change things around just for you. No matter how good of friends you are.

 

[Gravy Boat]

Listen to a 2 year old sing Let It Go for the 10th time.

vs

Joining in with a bunch of your friends and some strangers you met before singing in a karaoke room you guys rented out, doing shots right before you sing each time, after getting a table at the club where you met up with those strangers while one of your buddy tried to pick up a girl in the group, after pre-gaming at a local bar.

Which fictional character are you impersonating? It's on the tip of my mind, I just can't remember exactly who it is.

Edit: It was Barney Stinson, wasn't it?

 

[Fatalah]

I'm pretty sure the OP is Jesse Katsopoulos from season 1 of Full House.

 

[Nephtis]

10 pictures of their ugly spawn a day on facebook is the biggest offender

So much this. I mean, I don't mind seeing a picture of your kid every now and then, but goddamn tone it down with the pictures already. There's milestones and then there's spamming.

I begged my friend not to become like that when she had a kid -- she assured me she wouldn't as she finds it annoying when others do it -- and sure enough I see at least 10 pictures a day on my feed. I stopped it by having none of her posts show up on my feed. If I want updates I just go to her page.

Same with my cousin. They post pictures all the time and everyone just goes aww every time. Kid is almost 3 and I dislike him already not because of his personality (he's actually kind of cool) but because of his parents plastering out whatsapp conversations all.the.time.


In short: please, new parents. Don't stop sharing pics of your kids. Just tone it down.

 

[Dead Man]

Listen to a 2 year old sing Let It Go for the 10th time.

vs

Joining in with a bunch of your friends, and some strangers you met before, singing in a karaoke room you guys rented out, doing shots right before you sing each time, after getting a table at the club where you met up with those strangers while one of your buddy tried to pick up a girl in the group, after pre-gaming at a local bar.

Both sound pretty shit to me. :/

 

[dity]

Listen to a 2 year old sing Let It Go for the 10th time.

vs

Joining in with a bunch of your friends, and some strangers you met before, singing in a karaoke room you guys rented out, doing shots right before you sing each time, after getting a table at the club where you met up with those strangers while one of your buddy tried to pick up a girl in the group, after pre-gaming at a local bar.

Maybe the parent isn't doing the latter because they have responsibilities.

 

[WanderingWind]

A career-minded person, much less one with parental responsibilities, doesn't have time to spend getting plastered at a bar and watching your loser friends strike out with women. At some point, that shit really isn't even fun any more.

 

[Napoleonthechimp]

OP has become that creepy 30 something in a bar/club full of 20 year olds.

Why does he have to be creepy in this scenario?

Rather that than waste time with women in their 30s who end up feeling pressured to have children it is more fun to date women in their 20s. It is also less cruel, as you're not wasting their time by running out their biological clock.

 

[Darryl]

Listen to a 2 year old sing Let It Go for the 10th time.

vs

Joining in with a bunch of your friends, and some strangers you met before, singing in a karaoke room you guys rented out, doing shots right before you sing each time, after getting a table at the club where you met up with those strangers while one of your buddy tried to pick up a girl in the group, after pre-gaming at a local bar.

Are both these options supposed to sound miserable

 

[tattooed_dwarf]

What I find boring is people who have to go to bars to have fun.

 

[thetrin]

As someone who has pretty recently become a parent, that's pretty rude of you. Giving up on friends? Because they have a child? You should be thrilled for them and if you were good friends with them you should want their kid to be a part of your life as much as they are. When one of my good friends had a kid a few years ago I was thrilled for him and made extra effort to keep in touch with him and to socialise with him. You don't know what it's like to have good friends almost instantly drop you from their life just because you had a child, it's a horrible feeling and you should feel ashamed of being guilty of that.

I love my friends, and I like seeing their kids once in a while, but I don't want them to be in my life as much as my friends. That's lunacy dude.

I think it's cute when my friend's daughter calls me "uncle", but I don't want to spend the day with her. She's a child.

One thing you should also consider is the other side: when all your friends have a kid, they tend to drop you as well, because you're single. Not because you're a bad influence, but you just don't fit into what they want out of life anymore. Nothing malicious. It just happens.

People are of all kinds, though. I have friends with kids that are still plenty social with me, and I still hang with them (albeit less), and I have friends that are single that I barely see anymore. And the opposite of both.

 

[blankempathy]

Listen to a 2 year old sing Let It Go for the 10th time.

vs

Joining in with a bunch of your friends, and some strangers you met before, singing in a karaoke room you guys rented out, doing shots right before you sing each time, after getting a table at the club where you met up with those strangers while one of your buddy tried to pick up a girl in the group, after pre-gaming at a local bar.

Honestly I'm in the age range you are describing and single with no kids and that sounds boring to me. I'd rather just have good conversation and food with friends at their house with a few drinks. Guess it isn't an age and kids thing is it? That sounds fun in your 20s but getting drunk in public isn't appealing anymore.

 

[jb1234]

Listen to a 2 year old sing Let It Go for the 10th time.

vs

Joining in with a bunch of your friends, and some strangers you met before, singing in a karaoke room you guys rented out, doing shots right before you sing each time, after getting a table at the club where you met up with those strangers while one of your buddy tried to pick up a girl in the group, after pre-gaming at a local bar.

Yeah, I had some fun times in my 20s but you have to grow up eventually. Get into your mid-30s and you'll find that your metabolism no longer can handle that lifestyle. Just a single shot of booze these days knocks me out.

 

[Gravy Boat]

I love my friends, and I like seeing their kids once in a while, but I don't want them to be in my life as much as my friends. That's lunacy dude.

One thing you should also consider is the other side: when all your friends have a kid, they tend to drop you as well, because you're single. Not because you're a bad influence, but you just don't fit into what they want out of life anymore. Nothing malicious. It just happens.

People are of all kinds, though. I have friends with kids that are still plenty social with me, and I still hang with them (albeit less), and I have friends that are single that I barely see anymore. And the opposite of both.

That's not what I meant, I clarified it a bit in a later post.