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[lightskintwin]

In another thread, I kept seeing people associate cheating with being unhappy in their current relationship therefore they should break up. Now I do think that plays a part sometimes, but IMO I don't think that's the primary reason people cheat.

I think the reasons range from because they can, to it being an escape from the expectations, responsibilities, and emotions that come along with a relationship, to simply wanting a different sexual experience, to providing brief excitement to the monotony of a safe, healthy relationship.

I also think the type of cheaters can vary from high risk to low risk. High risk cheaters being cheaters who put themselves at a higher risk at getting caught such as lying to the other person and keeping them as a side piece unaware of their marriage or relationship, or being reckless and bringing them into your home to have sex. Low risk cheaters being cheaters who put themselves at a low risk at getting caught such as cheating with an ex who knows your situation, or with somebody else who's married, or going out of town on vacation with your friends and potentially cheating with somebody you meet there.

My point being that more often than not, people who cheat still want to remain in their current relationships which is why they try not to get caught, and don't break up with their significant other instead of the often used "because they're unhappy" explanation.

Agree or Disagree? Why do you think people cheat?

 

[BennyBlanco]

I think a lot of is just that people can grow bored of sex with the same person for years and years. For other people it's probably some kind of emotional thing. People have their reasons, man.... but it's a really shitty thing to do to betray people's trust like that.

 

[Shaanyboi]

A) bored

B) sociopaths

C) complete lack of impulse control

 

[Acorn]

Safety of relationship and the freedom of being single.

Essentially having your cake and eating it.

 

[Valkerionseven]

There are many reasons, and people always have at least one.

Sometimes its intentional, sometimes it really isn't and just in the moment. Maybe they are not getting some aspect of the relationship they want and need from the other person so they go out to get it somewhere else, sexual or mental. Tie that into them still wanting to be in the relationship or not being able to leave in worse cases, ect.

 

[theecakee]

I think it can be all those things and they're not happy.

 

[Octavia]

I honestly think a lot of it has to do with underlying issues in the relationship in the first place. Ultimetely those were going to strangle it if the cheating hadn't first.

 

[Bearthgar]

They think they deserve more than they do.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

Fear of losing something coupled with indecisiveness. Sense of entitlement.

Also, some people only know how to chase prey. It becomes disposable to them because the chase is what motivated them.

 

[Vicetrailia]

Selfishness is what I think it boils down to.

Plus some people just aren't hardlined. Maybe they need to be in a different type of relationship.

 

[DontBeThatGuy]

Humans are highly flawed.

 

[Trojita]

Humans aren't a very monogamous species.

 

[Pamplemousse]

1) Sex feels good.

2) We are sexually and emotionally compatible with many people.

3) Men are biologically programmed to want to spread their seed as often as possible.

 

[AlexMogil]

Go to survivinginfidelity.com some day. You'll see more than a list of reasons boiled down to bullet points.

 

[R3TRO]

The person they're cheating with might have a characteristic that they're attracted to but their current partner doesn't have so they cheat to get to everything they desire but can't get from their partner.

 

[triplestation]

TO FUCK

 

[GalacticToast]

I have a coworker who cheated on his girlfriend for about 2 years before dumping her. His reasoning was that he should be able to sleep around and as long as his girl never found out, it was all good.

 

[Ethelwulf]

Humans are highly flawed.

It is way, way more complex than this.

 

[Caffeine]

its like internet you get 150Mbps and you just want more, you get 1Gbps and you still want more at a certain point you simply are bored with it and it doesn't wow you. as humans it is a flaw we have. we are only satisfied for a certain amount of time.

and then there is the rush of doing something and not getting caught. It's like a runners high or if you ever shop lifted something. there is a rush and people become addicted to this feeling.

I agree with a lot of points you stated op.

 

[Agnostic]

It doesn't help that we are just animals riding the wave of evolution.

 

[Famassu]

I'm one of those people who thinks sex can just be sex (especially one night flings) and as such I don't think someone cheating on me would necessarily be the end of the world, depending on the motives/whys/hows (if she was really drunk and just failed at controlling her urges while being so, I don't think that would ruin my life or the relationship).

Now, if it's about something deeper than just sex (she doesn't love me anymore or has strong feelings towards the person she is cheating me with), obviously that is a big problem and it would most likely be the end of the relationship.

 

[E92 M3]

Humans are highly flawed.

The definition of flawed is something that originated from humans. It's more complex than just labeling it as flawed. Certain genetic mutations are flawed - that is concrete science. The study of human behavior is still wrapped in a veil of mystery.

 

[Crayons]

I don't know because I've never cheated, but the guy I helped (?) cheat said things were going poorly with his wife and they were gonna divorce.

They didn't, of course.

 

[Izuna]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q

1) Sex feels good.

2) We are sexually and emotionally compatible with many people.

3) Men are biologically programmed to want to spread their seed as often as possible.

Um... wtf?

 

[ishibear]

Never done it so I have no idea.

 

[DaCocoBrova]

The feeling you get when you slide on a new pair of nice shoes...

Who wants to wear the same shoes forever?

 

[Replicant]

Selfishness.

There's nothing else. They want to do what they want without considering the other person's feelings.

 

[gdt]

The chase is sooooo good. I've been in a great healthy relationship for 18 months but I miss that chase and catch. Not gonna act on it though.

 

[MikeDip]

The feeling you get when you slide on a new pair of nice shoes...

Who wants to wear the same shoes forever?

Me? Everyone? New shoes are expensive and they hurt your feet. Why would I not stay with the awesome shoes I already own?

 

[Uncle0wnage]

Imo it's about a lack of respect. People who cheat should just end the relationship. No excuses. It's unfair to the victim and anyone who is okay with that is someone I wouldn't want to associate with.

 

[jstripes]

Insecurity.

 

[Famassu]

Imo it's about a lack of respect. People who cheat should just end the relationship. No excuses. It's unfair to the victim and anyone who is okay with that is someone I wouldn't want to associate with.

Not that I advocate people to cheat as much as possible or anything, but you have a way too black & white view of the matter.

 

[lightskintwin]

I don't know because I've never cheated...

Never done it so I have no idea.

Don't start because from personal experience and witnessing others as well, the first time you cheat: you'll feel guilty, awful, and ashamed, but once that wears off; it becomes easier the next time to do it to where you no longer feel anything about it.

 

[Uncle0wnage]

Not that I advocate people to cheat as much as possible or anything, but you have a way too black & white view of the matter.

I disagree.

 

[Famassu]

I disagree.

Just watch the TED talk linked in this thread to have a bit more perspective that isn't so one-sided. Obviously breaking the trust of someone is always wrong and there is some selfishness involved, but there are reasons people act that way that go beyond "they are just being selfish dicks who do not respect their husbands/wives"

 

[BreezyLimbo]

Because when life gives you a bad hand, cheat.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

They do it because they want the stability and security (emotional or otherwise) that comes with being in a committed relationship, without actually wanting to commit to another person.

 

[AyaisMUsikWhore]

Safety of relationship and the freedom of being single.

Essentially having your cake and eating it.

This is the only way I can think of it. Even if it's sexual exploration, talking to your partner about that is the more sensible things, but straight up skipping that step and going straight into just "fuck it" mode is just.... It's just not justifiable. So it's having the cake and eating it.

 

[shintoki]

I want my cake, but I also want my pie. Yet, I'm being told I can only choose one.

 

[lightskintwin]

Not that I advocate people to cheat as much as possible or anything, but you have a way too black & white view of the matter.

Yep. As with everything though, it's much easier for people to simplify it into binary categories. It'll blow their minds that there are partners who are great in relationships that also cheat, as well as partners that are awful/lousy in relationships but remain faithful.

 

[Bay Maximus]

I would imagine that sometimes it's just giving in to biological urges and other times it's looking for something that they feel is missing from their current relationship. I do feel that people that have cheated in the past tend to be more inclined to cheat in the future so I feel it's more a personal thing than an environmental thing. In other words, I think that people who want to cheat tend to put themselves in a position where an affair or whatever is more likely to occur as opposed to 'innocent' people being tempted. Not casting judgement on anyone, just my thoughts.

Edit: Also, I think it's harder for guys with many options to stay sexually monogamous. Unless you fall into this category, it may be a little difficult to fully appreciate.

 

[Xilium]

People get tired of doing the same shit over and over again or dealing with the same people. Romantic relationships are no exception and people have to go out of their way to keep their relationships interesting. Some people are less inclined to do that than others.

As to cheating specifically, social pressure/religion would be the big one I assume. Society looks down on people whom go through numerous relationships and/or don't do enough to make a relationship work (this is especially true if children are involved). So cheating provides an opportunity to maintain your social status while also providing something new to satisfy one's boredom. This assuming you don't get caught, which itself adds a level of excitement.

Personally, and bluntly put, I think monogamy is just a bad idea. Open relationships should probably be a more common thing but that's not gonna happen till more people separate sex from romance.

 

[Clefargle]

I did it because:

I had self esteem issues

I didn't trust my significant other

I didn't know what I want in relationships

I wasn't very empathetic

 

[Warm Machine]

You can love your significant other and your family and still be sexually unsatisfied by a lack of drive by the other partner. If that is the singular reason for cheating, wanting to have more sex in your life, I can understand it. I don't see why a persons sex drive should be held hostage by another person forever. It's a sea of relationship grey that will come around due to life, stress, and people simply changing over time combined with insecurities on both side. Ugly and unfortunate.

 

[Thebeardofknowledge]

Humans aren't a very monogamous species.

This

 

[Famassu]

I would imagine that sometimes it's just giving in to biological urges and other times it's looking for something that they feel is missing from their current relationship. I do feel that people that have cheated in the past tend to be more inclined to cheat in the future so I feel it's more a personal thing than an environmental thing. In other words, I think that people who want to cheat tend to put themselves in a position where an affair or whatever is more likely to occur as opposed to 'innocent' people being tempted. Not casting judgement on anyone, just my thoughts.

Edit: Also, I think it's harder for guys with many options to stay sexually monogamous. Unless you fall into this category, it may be a little difficult to fully appreciate.

This isn't necessarily true. A lot of cheaters can be in a perfectly happy relationship for a long time (decades, even) and don't actively put themselves into situations where they are tempted (& even if they are in such situations, don't do anything), but something in their lives (that isn't necessarily boredom or general unhappiness) can just push them over the edge to have an affair.

And I'm not sure if this whole "men are just genetically programmed to cheat/are horndogs with often very little self control" arguments (& variations of the argument) have any scientific basis. Men & women probably cheat in similar quantities, except maybe in cultures where women are oppressed and don't have the same level of mobility & changes to cheat.

 

[Bay Maximus]

This isn't necessarily true. A lot of cheaters can be in a perfectly happy relationship for a long time (decades, even) and don't actively put themselves into situations where they are tempted (& even if they are in such situations, don't do anything), but something in their lives (that isn't necessarily boredom or general unhappiness) can just push them over the edge to have an affair.

And I'm not sure if this whole "men are just genetically programmed to cheat/are horndogs with often very little self control" arguments (& variations of the argument) have any scientific basis. Men & women probably cheat in similar quantities, except maybe in cultures where women are oppressed and don't have the same level of mobility & changes to cheat.

Well yeah, anything can happen and there are always exceptions but past behavior is the predictor of future behavior.

Also, I think men really are just hornier and their sexuality is pretty straightforward relative to women. I blame biology.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

In the entirety of the history of human beings, has there ever been anything as destructive as the jealousy that lead human kind a dark path of controlling and abusing womens sexuality? It's been the only way we've known how to do it since the dawn of agriculture.


Marriage institutions, religion (original sin, shaming of the body and lust, disgust of women, oppression of sexual orientations), hate towards women and the lynching, burning, raping and beating is the way societies have tried tackling and controlling and subduing female sexuality, because men are terrified of female sexual independence.

I think it's highly likely that so many oppressive sexual systems came in place because someone at some point were hurt and in a jealous outburst, tried to make laws and rules that forbade the tidings of sexual tension.
All throughout history, killing in the name of love have been a thing and the mayham has probably amounted to more death than any other reason for friction based drama interaction in the general populace, across time and the cultural divide.
We're not naturally monogamous. It's not how we survived as a species, the very shape of our genitals are shaped to accommodate multiple partners. So there cannot from a biological stand point be any reason for the monogamous setup.
So to me- Monogamy has to be a coping mechanism. An attempt to override or deconstruct the chance that a preferred spouse will be swept away by someone superior to yourself. That is the fear. Cheating happens despite monogamous relationships, but monogamy can be a veil that let you think that your partner attached to you over 7 billion other people in almost juvenile cultist faction.

I think we have monogamy because collectively we're not good enough at separating the act of sex from the loss of someone you love.
The fear is that you are together with someone and they are your world, and you sacrifice a lot for and with them, and then one day, they find the sex drug from someone else. Being in a monogamous relationship tries to decrease the likelihood from that happening. We have social norms that largely will try and protect monogamous practices.




My friend who is a serial cheater on his GF have ruined here, and we got into a discussion about it. They had been in a open relationship for 3 years. Then she wanted to be exclusive, which he felt forced to do, as it was either that or losing her. So he started cheating on her because he was not going to change her lifestyle.
She found out. developed massive insecurity issues, distrust issues, started going to a therapist who tries to help her deal with the betrayal. My friend keeps cheating on her.
I ask him why, and he says that he has no illusions that it is wrong, or that he wants to overplay it or claim he was a saint. He simply chooses to do it even though he knows it's wrong. I proposed to him if it was possible that he didn't respect her enough to be faithful to her, and maybe the power dynamics of their relationship was that the girlfriend is in the dirt, low on self esteem and now stays with someone who likes her and likes fucking her, but not enough to not fuck other girls.
My friend claims that his cheating has nothing to do with her and that it isn't her fault for being overly attached. I disagree with my friend that he gets to remove himself from responsibility. You own how you make other people feel, no matter how you rationalize it.



Unfortunately, it's a familiar story of that the confident and the beautiful gets to be the choosers as vanity, love and a sense of validation can quickly be rekindled. For those of us who are just not that attractive, cheating is more of a concern. There are lesser options. Fewer people who are interested in you. And so, the consequence of this is that the power relation dynamic can be altered, and the end result is you stay with someone who appreciates you less than you appreciate them. And most likely, even if a relationship is great and you're being treated nice otherwise, I'd still feed into your negative self perception.
I'm sure you're nice and all, and sure looks ain't everything, but you got less options due to who you are. That's the elephant in the room. And I think the mouse in the room is people like my friend who knows it. He knows that he is tremendous at getting women and he is determined not to waste his year not banging chicks he can.
My friend is honest, and I respect him for being up front. I have dozens of other male friends who cheat too, and they are generally less honest about it or have more excuses.


I hope I won't meet up with a female equivalent of my friend. I really wouldn't thrive in such a relationship.

 

[Uncle0wnage]

Watched the Ted talk. Basically boiled down to most affairs wouldn't happen if couples were honest and communicated more, or went to therapy or counseling first. She didn't excuse affairs and likened them to having cancer. It's okay to end relationships, just talk to your partner before you do something so destructive to relationships.

 

[Jean Grey Will Rise]

1) Sex feels good.

2) We are sexually and emotionally compatible with many people.

3) Men are biologically programmed to want to spread their seed as often as possible.

This is disgusting.