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[Sinatar]

Suck, major suck...

As for the MGS 3 review:

If you want to know what the game is like but you don’t want to buy it, here’s what you do. Go out into your backyard and lay down in the grass for fifteen hours. Every twenty minutes have a friend come out and step on your balls. That will give you a pretty good idea of what MGS 3 is like.

 

[belgurdo]

Both the comic and the review make my brain hurt

 

[RevenantKioku]

Now I'll admit the last two comics weren't so great, but this one makes me laugh heartily.

 

[nitewulf]

If you want to know what the game is like but you don’t want to buy it, here’s what you do. Go out into your backyard and lay down in the grass for fifteen hours. Every twenty minutes have a friend come out and step on your balls. That will give you a pretty good idea of what MGS 3 is like.

:lol :lol :lol :lol

 

[Lakitu]

Heh, I wonder if they've even played past the first few hours of the game. Everyone I know that has played the game, love it.

 

[Gchaime]

i like both the comic and the review.

 

[Soul4ger]

So are they saying MGS3 isn't fun?

 

[Sinatar]

So are they saying MGS3 isn't fun?

Pretty much, here is Tyco's take:

By the time we had finished the second Metal Gear Solid, we had gone quite mad and had begun literally to chew upon one another. We had lost our civilization and taken on the characteristics of beasts, grazing endlessly on thick shag and producing a sort of call which was said to recall an orangutan fucking an accordion. When we regained our higher brain functions - or, at the very least, sufficient manual dexterity - we produced the following comic which we placed in our archive, like a head on a pike, as if to warn us away from this franchise should memory and good sense fail us simultaneously. With the proper course of action made so explicit, we had merely to choose between wisdom and folly. Precisely how we chose folly in this instance is not entirely clear.

They say time heals all wounds, which isn't actually true. For example, the simple passage of time can't cure aggravated damage (such as that dealt by vulgar magick) or reverse the effects of magical diseases like lycanthropy or mummy rot. However, in our case, it was able to make us forget just how long the cutscenes are in an MGS game. Though not a wound per se, strange sensations are created by them, such as the impression that your brain's mouth is actually agape and hanging open inside your skull. We were listening to a codec conversation yesterday that was so long, so God damned long, that the entire Earth was destroyed, remade, and our species achieved a level of development commensurate with what had risen before.

The cold war setting, the expression of a different era of espionage altogether is the main reason I wanted it - and in this, it strikes unerringly. The idea - the idea, now - of sneaking through natural environments, this also drew me in. The cinematography is, again, marvelous. Konami has managed to find a cache of powerful, secret chips in the system and are working them in tandem, like a rowing crew. I'll tell you true, though: I don't know if I can endure the game long enough to reveal it in any significant quantity. The controls don't feel classic at this point, they feel obstinate. The organic setting and global glow just serves to muddy things I need to be explicit, like enemy locations and environmental features. You have to want to like it pretty bad, and honestly, I thought I did.

 

[lexi]

 

[Lakitu]

We were listening to a codec conversation yesterday that was so long, so God damned long, that the entire Earth was destroyed, remade, and our species achieved a level of development commensurate with what had risen before.

What the fuck is he on about? Yes it does contain its share of long radio conversations but nothing to the extent of MGS 2. In fact it's mostly radio heavy in the first few hours of the game, from then on it's much much less. Which leads me to presume, he hasn't even played 1/4 of the game. I'm betting he mostly wrote that so he could crack that lame joke.

 

[Mashing]

Heh, I wonder if they've even played past the first few hours of the game. Everyone I know that has played the game, love it.

It looks to me that if you are a MGS fan, then you'll love it. If you haven't liked the first two, then the 3rd does nothing for you except make you hate it even more.

Personally I've never cared for the gameplay, I just like watching the movies and admiring the great cinematography.

 

[Lakitu]

It looks to me that if you are a MGS fan, then you'll love it. If you haven't liked the first two, then the 3rd does nothing for you except make you hate it even more.

Very true. Though who exactly hates MGS? Isn't the original reclaimed as a classic? Mostly people were put off by MGS 2, yet now, I see people who hated MGS 2 love MGS 3 with a passion.

 

[WarPig]

It looks to me that if you are a MGS fan, then you'll love it. If you haven't liked the first two, then the 3rd does nothing for you except make you hate it even more.

This is my basic assessment as well. I would amend the statement to describe my specific case, however -- i.e., if you liked MGS when you were a dumb fucking college kid and then grew to dislike it when you grew up and got a real job, MGS3 will probably not do a lot for you.

To those who say "well, the long codec conversations are only in the beginning of the game," I say "what a fucking dumb-ass design decision." I want to play the fucking game. This game is preventing me from fucking playing it until I'm three or four fucking hours in, at which point my eyes have glazed over and I need medical fucking attention to stop them from completely fucking fossilizing in my fucking head. Fuck that shit. I'ma go play a game that gets to the point and just lets me shoot motherfuckers without having to hear a fucking philosophy lecture first.

DFS.

 

[bishoptl]

We were listening to a codec conversation yesterday that was so long, so God damned long, that the entire Earth was destroyed, remade, and our species achieved a level of development commensurate with what had risen before.

Now that's some funny shit.

I'ma go play a game that gets to the point and just lets me shoot motherfuckers without having to hear a fucking philosophy lecture first.

 

[Lord Error]

Man, if you think their MGS3 'review' is negative, you don't want to see what they have to say about NDS in that same update :lol

Worst PA Ever, with the best MGS 3 review ever #1

I'll take it you've played the game extensivelly so that you can agree with this review and call it the best ever? Or are you just trolling here a tiny bit?

 

[Warm Machine]

MGS was always a punishing experience.

 

[SantaC]

This is my basic assessment as well. I would amend the statement to describe my specific case, however -- i.e., if you liked MGS when you were a dumb fucking college kid and then grew to dislike it when you grew up and got a real job, MGS3 will probably not do a lot for you.

To those who say "well, the long codec conversations are only in the beginning of the game," I say "what a fucking dumb-ass design decision." I want to play the fucking game. This game is preventing me from fucking playing it until I'm three or four fucking hours in, at which point my eyes have glazed over and I need medical fucking attention to stop them from completely fucking fossilizing in my fucking head. Fuck that shit. I'ma go play a game that gets to the point and just lets me shoot motherfuckers without having to hear a fucking philosophy lecture first.

DFS.

:lol :lol Wait didn't EGM score this game 9, 9,5, 10

I guess you didn't review it then.

 

[DarienA]

Man, if you think their MGS3 'review' is negative, you don't want to see what they have to say about NDS in that same update :lol

Shame on you for not posting it!

We also got our hands on a DS last week along with a few games. I just don’t know what to make of it. Every time I pick it up to play a game it feels awkward. It’s big, heavy and uncomfortable to hold.

...different game comments....and

Overall the entire DS experience for me has been very underwhelming. The games range from worthless to decent and the machine itself feels awkward. Nintendo still hasn’t proved to me that the DS isn’t just another Virtual Boy. Maybe the next batch of games will do that. With the PSP looming on the horizon they don’t have a lot of time to waste.

Who at this point in the MGS series is surprised by long codec sequences?

 

[Lakitu]

This is my basic assessment as well. I would amend the statement to describe my specific case, however -- i.e., if you liked MGS when you were a dumb fucking college kid and then grew to dislike it when you grew up and got a real job, MGS3 will probably not do a lot for you.

To those who say "well, the long codec conversations are only in the beginning of the game," I say "what a fucking dumb-ass design decision." I want to play the fucking game. This game is preventing me from fucking playing it until I'm three or four fucking hours in, at which point my eyes have glazed over and I need medical fucking attention to stop them from completely fucking fossilizing in my fucking head. Fuck that shit. I'ma go play a game that gets to the point and just lets me shoot motherfuckers without having to hear a fucking philosophy lecture first.

DFS.

Yeah, that sounds like fun, Doom 3 proved how fun that was.

As for the codec conversations, that's Metal Gear, you don't like it? Oh well. You're not being forced to listen to them or watch them, the option is there for you, all you have to do is tap a couple of buttons. That can't be that hard can it?

 

[mumu]

Man, if you think their MGS3 'review' is negative, you don't want to see what they have to say about NDS in that same update :lol

You're never gonna lose your tag that way Seriously, what's that to do with MGS3. It should be in its own Gabe hates DS thread.

 

[Lakitu]

That's a perfect example actually. Killing everyone in sight in San Andreas can get so boresome. That's exactly not what makes that game brilliant, the games sheer scope, story, lastability, freedom makes it what it is. Not shooting every person in sight, although you can still do that for a laugh.

 

[Sinatar]

I'll take it you've played the game extensivelly so that you can agree with this review and call it the best ever? Or are you just trolling here a tiny bit?

I haven't played it at all, it just made me laugh, hence best review yet.

 

[Laurent]

Better...

 

[WarPig]

As for the codec conversations, that's Metal Gear...

No, it's bad game design and an ineffective method of integrating character development and plot progression into your fucking videogame. If you're gonna tell me a story in an interactive medium, find a way to do it that doesn't throw interaction straight out the fucking window for half an hour at a go.

DFS.

 

[Spazbiohaz]

ok the comic ownz....and I bet you the coat is just something gabe keeps making fun of. The review sounds like the truth to me

 

[Lakitu]

No, it's bad game design and an ineffective method of integrating character development and plot progression into your fucking videogame. If you're gonna tell me a story in an interactive medium, find a way to do it that doesn't throw interaction straight out the fucking window for half an hour at a go.

DFS.

What do you call good game design? Blasting every fucking thing in sight? :lol :lol

 

[Sinatar]

What do you call good game design? Blasting every fucking thing in sight? :lol :lol

If thats the point of the game sure, but what he's calling good game design is letting the player PLAY THE GAME, not WATCH it.

 

[Lakitu]

If thats the point of the game sure, but what he's calling good game design is letting the player PLAY THE GAME, not WATCH it.

Well, then that's ironic. Why? Because Metal Gear Solid 3 does what it says on the tin. It mixes the best of both worlds.

 

[Lord Error]

I still firmly believe that MGS2 strip they did is the funnist thing they ever came up with. The Secret Wolkswagen like makes me laugh to this day.

Seriously, what's that to do with MGS3. It should be in its own Gabe hates DS thread.

*Looks around* *whispers* just trying to take some heat off the MGS3 negativity

 

[Azih]

aping movies is not good game design.

 

[Pimpbaa]

People who like these things should go out and buy whats called a "movie". They come on dvds, and it's just like 1 big long cutscene. You'll love it!

 

[shpankey]

This is my basic assessment as well. I would amend the statement to describe my specific case, however -- i.e., if you liked MGS when you were a dumb fucking college kid and then grew to dislike it when you grew up and got a real job, MGS3 will probably not do a lot for you.

To those who say "well, the long codec conversations are only in the beginning of the game," I say "what a fucking dumb-ass design decision." I want to play the fucking game. This game is preventing me from fucking playing it until I'm three or four fucking hours in, at which point my eyes have glazed over and I need medical fucking attention to stop them from completely fucking fossilizing in my fucking head. Fuck that shit. I'ma go play a game that gets to the point and just lets me shoot motherfuckers without having to hear a fucking philosophy lecture first.

DFS.

:lol

Good point though.

Personally when the first game came out I had already moved onto PC games and into online gaming. Trying to go back and play a Playstation game was not something I could stomach considering how amazing PC games looked and played by comparison. I was just getting into FPS and RTS games, which blew me away on the PC.

When the second one came out finally on Xbox, I had already played Splinter Cell and trying to play MGS2 with its extremely limited view (in comparison to Splinter Cell's amazing camera) was just something I couldn't forgive. That and listening to that much shitty story was starting to get on my damn nerves.

Anyhow... can't say I'm a fan but I had planned on giving it another go right when this one came out and see if I had a change of mind when playing it when it was new and "hot". Sounds like I should probably not waste my time judging by PA's reaction, which I do value... as I think they have pretty good taste in general.

 

[WarPig]

Well, then that's ironic. Why? Because Metal Gear Solid 3 does what it says on the tin. It mixes the best of both worlds.

My ass. It mixes the best of both worlds at some point, maybe, but not until after making me listen to the Boss talk nonsense about politics and duty for Christ knows how long. Ya know, I like Hideo Kojima personally, and I like some of his stuff, but if I want to hear philosophizing about the life of a soldier, I can go read a bunch of shit written by people who've, I dunno, actually fired a shot in anger.

I seem to be coming around to Drinky's position on these games. I'm not sure if I shouldn't be worried.

DFS.

 

[Laurent]

Then...
...skip...
...them!

 

[Rhindle]

This is my basic assessment as well. I would amend the statement to describe my specific case, however -- i.e., if you liked MGS when you were a dumb fucking college kid and then grew to dislike it when you grew up and got a real job, MGS3 will probably not do a lot for you.

To those who say "well, the long codec conversations are only in the beginning of the game," I say "what a fucking dumb-ass design decision." I want to play the fucking game. This game is preventing me from fucking playing it until I'm three or four fucking hours in, at which point my eyes have glazed over and I need medical fucking attention to stop them from completely fucking fossilizing in my fucking head. Fuck that shit. I'ma go play a game that gets to the point and just lets me shoot motherfuckers without having to hear a fucking philosophy lecture first.

DFS.

It's too bad no one seems to have the balls to come out and say this in an actual printed review. Instead, we're just getting the same round of Kojima idolatory/cocksuckery that we got for MGS2.

 

[WarPig]

Then...
...skip...
...them!

The manner in which the game's story is presented is compelling me to skip the game's story and not experience it. You don't think that's evidence of poor design?

DFS.

 

[Drinky Crow]

Bitterness, man. You can't fight it. The older you get, the more precious your time and diverse your interests become, and the less of it you wanna spend listening to some fucking hack wax all fucking fourth-rate Joseph Heller in your killing simulator.

Thank God teens aren't allowed to make games. It's bad enough that too many designers already think like 'em.

 

[Laurent]

The manner in which the game's story is presented is compelling me to skip the game's story and not experience it. You don't think that's evidence of poor design?

DFS.

You would be right if EVERYBODY hated it... But I do enjoy the codec conversations, and the long cutscenes... If you want a game with no complex story whatsoever, try a Nintendo game! :lol

 

[WarPig]

You would be right if EVERYBODY hated it... But I do enjoy the codec conversations, and the long cutscenes... If you want a game with no complex story whatsoever, try a Nintendo game! :lol

Oh, hold my sides. The wit.

DFS.

 

[shpankey]

I still firmly believe that MGS2 strip they did is the funnist thing they ever came up with. The Secret Wolkswagen like makes me laugh to this day.

oh hook me up... link?

It's too bad no one seems to have the balls to come out and say this in an actual printed review. Instead, we're just getting the same round of Kojima idolatory/cocksuckery that we got for MGS2.

So true. I also think Nintendo first party games get a pass as well, based on reviewers fond memories from their childhoods, that and the fear of a backlash from a very vocal fanboy base. Add to that nobody wants to be the one who knocks on a "legend". But your point is well taken, the big names in the industry are fucking untouchable.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

You would be right if EVERYBODY hated it... But I do enjoy the codec conversations, and the long cutscenes... If you want a game with no complex story whatsoever, try a Nintendo game! :lol

DFS.

Having a complex story does not mean having a story that makes no sense. You dont need to have fucking codec coinversation have 2 minutes or a 30 min cutscene to make a complex story.

MGS2 was niothing more than an interactive movie and from my limited playtime with MGS3 its more of the same crap.


GAMEPLAY>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> STORY

 

[Drinky Crow]

You would be right if EVERYBODY hated it... But I do enjoy the codec conversations, and the long cutscenes... If you want a game with no complex story whatsoever, try a Nintendo game!

Geezus, I'm the most notorious Nintendo hater around here and even *I* don't find this remark funny.

 

[Lakitu]

WarPig, you make it sound like it's a bad game design choice from everyone's perspective. It's just one or two fucking cutscenes worth of philosophical blabber, others wouldn't mind that.

 

[Drinky Crow]

I think when you've read a little real literature and have your time become a proper commodity, you honestly REALLY start to mind game directors usurping your time for shitty expositional exercises.

 

[Laurent]

I don't see how they could present the same story otherwise. Maybe listening to the codec conversation while playing? You would get to finish the game before getting the whole story!

 

[Lakitu]

MGS2 was niothing more than an interactive movie and from my limited playtime with MGS3 its more of the same crap.


GAMEPLAY>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> STORY

Keyword: limitedp

I'll consider your opinion on MGS 3 worthless until you complete it.

 

[WarPig]

I think when you've read a little real literature and have your time become a proper commodity, you honestly REALLY start to mind game directors usurping your time for shitty expositional exercises.

Something like that. I wouldn't characterize MGS3 as fourth-rate Joseph Heller, though -- even fourth-rate Joseph Heller would at least be funny.

I also mind that shootout in the factory section where the twitchy-ass controls keep hanging up on the environment hotspots and I can't see shit. But that's another story.

DFS.

 

[Lord Error]

Holy crap, there's so much bitterness in this thread. :lol

It's as if some of you armchair game designers were praying for some negativity for this game to finally come out from somewhere, just to give you an excuse to rag on it some more.

 

[WarPig]

Holy crap, there's so much bitterness in this thread. :lol

Yeessssss...rich, life-giving bitternessssss...

It's November. In November, as Hunter Thompson put it, I am running at least half on gall.

DFS.

 

[Razoric]

Every twenty minutes have a friend come out and step on your balls.

My balls being stepped on is funnier than 99% of Penny Arcade's comic strips.

As for MGS3, if you like MGS you'll like this, if not you wont. It's pretty simple.