Wow, i'm such a loser

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nVidiot_Whore said:
I see what you are saying. You certainly can ACT confident without BEING confident.. and maybe it's a good pre-cursor to actual self confidence.

But I still think that a healthy attitude can actually give you real confidence, and in turn you will act confident without having to "act."
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Exactly. The best way to become confident is to do things you wouldn't normally do. Once you've actually willed yourself to do something, it will help you realize that the negative thoughts about it were just defeatist bullshit. Doing something even once with moderate success can be all the mental evidence that a person needs to not be scared of it in the future.


Aesthet1c said:
The simplest form of advice I can give the OP and anyone else in his situation is just do it.
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Yes!
 
gohomehobo said:
There are so many things involved with self esteem. People say "analysis is paralysis" but I'm sure most of introvert-GAF has been forced to analysis what they say or do because they usually feel uncomfortable in social situations, and it's hard to be confident when you feel uncomfortable and can't control it.

There is no key that will automatically turn you into a gregarious person, so the only advice I can give is baby steps. Don't try to get with a girl just to automatically get a girlfriend. Focus on the friend part first, and if you feel some sparks fly ask her out for a cup of coffee or something.
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Introvert-GAF is going to have to get out of his shell and become social if he wants to be with a girl. Girls are not going to come knocking on your door. Seriously.

The guy who lives across the street from me is the perfect example. He is 40-something, has a great job, his own house, etc. but totally inept at talking to girls. I invite him to come by the local bar with me and he just freezes up. Dude just has no social skills. I had to start talking to a girl, then deliver her to him so he could say he talked to girl that night. He thanked me and I could see his confidence growing.

It is a skill you need to develop in life. Being more social, being able to strike up a conversation is a life skill that helps with many areas. Force yourself to do it. You will make a fool out of yourself at times, you will get rejected, etc. But that is how you learn and grow.
 
captmcblack said:
The same girl? Of course not.

But I will not accept that it's possible that a decent-looking average guy couldn't go out 200 times, talk with 200 girls, and not even once get 1 of those girls interested in hanging out in a romantic fashion. If that happens, it is something you're doing wrong honestly.

You can't go out with smelly, holey shoes and bummy clothes expecting things to work.
You can't go out unwashed and unkempt and expect things to work.
You can't be morbidly obese and sloppy and expect things to work.

As long as you have those things under control (which you do), I am confident in eventual success through attrition.
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That's why I love the movie "Walk the Line" -

"Now I've asked you forty different ways and it's time you come up with a fresh answer."

Johnny Cash was the ultimate badass; dude just doesn't give a fuck and goes for it.
 
gohomehobo said:
There are so many things involved with self esteem. People say "analysis is paralysis" but I'm sure most of introvert-GAF has been forced to analysis what they say or do because they usually feel uncomfortable in social situations, and it's hard to be confident when you feel uncomfortable and can't control it.

There is no key that will automatically turn you into a gregarious person, so the only advice I can give is baby steps. Don't try to get with a girl just to automatically get a girlfriend. Focus on the friend part first, and if you feel some sparks fly ask her out for a cup of coffee or something.
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This is very true. I took a personality test and was like 95% introverted, and I tend to analyze things A LOT. The way I can muster up the courage to talk to girls is to simply turn off my brain when approaching a girl, then turning it back on when actually in conversation. Don't think, just do. There was a cute girl in my class that I was too scared to talk to. One day I was like screw it and said something simple like "Hi." Next thing I knew we were talking for an hour and I ended up asking her for lunch on the weekend with her giving me her number. After she left I thought to myself wtf did I just do? Feels good man. I was also rejected by another girl but it's not the end of the world, I actually laughed afterwards.
 
Yeah, the biggest barrier for me at this point is that whenever I see someone my mind goes "do you have anything to talk to her about? No? Then don't bother to make small talk. It won't go anywhere. It never does"

Damn, fighting that is hard.
 
jon bones said:
me and the captain are gonna make it happen:

-keep in mind that you are an awesome, interesting and great looking guy

-women want to be approached as much as you want to approach them

-hemingway said, "man was not made for defeat. man can be destroyed, but never defeated." rejection feels like defeat but it's only a hurdle if you can't jump over it.
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This post got me pumped up. Asian girls get ready!
 
CaptYamato said:
This post got me pumped up. Asian girls get ready!
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my man

keep the hype train rolling. today after work, i'm gonna get off the subway 3 stops before i usually do and walk the rest of the way. i'm gonna get me a number, for all of us. well, just one - and it'll be for me - but the sentiment is there!
 
The_Technomancer said:
Yeah, the biggest barrier for me at this point is that whenever I see someone my mind goes "do you have anything to talk to her about? No? Then don't bother to make small talk. It won't go anywhere. It never does"

Damn, fighting that is hard.
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Yeah, same here. I have no problem talking to people, I'm just not comfortable sparking up a conversation with someone I don't know when I have nothing of value to say. If there's an interesting topic I can run with, sure, but talking about the weather or something is just a waste of time.
 
Aesthet1c said:
Funny relationship? Sounds more like you have a restraining order coming your way.
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Nah. She wouldn't do that to me. When I get her to break down crying then I know shell be mine forever
 
recklessmind said:
I think you need to have a relationship period before you can have a "meaningful" one. "Meaningful relationship" coming from someone with little experience is codeword for major insecurity and I'd bet money whatever they find won't be healthy longterm, probably marred with jealousy and unreasonable expectations.
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So true, I was recently a victim of my own inexperienced expectations
 
jon bones said:
my man

keep the hype train rolling. today after work, i'm gonna get off the subway 3 stops before i usually do and walk the rest of the way. i'm gonna get me a number, for all of us. well, just one - and it'll be for me - but the sentiment is there!
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Dude yes. Do it for GAF, make them believe.
 
jon bones said:
my man

keep the hype train rolling. today after work, i'm gonna get off the subway 3 stops before i usually do and walk the rest of the way. i'm gonna get me a number, for all of us. well, just one - and it'll be for me - but the sentiment is there!
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:lol :lol

Well getting random numbers isn't hard for me unless the girls are Asian. They impervious to my charm.
 
:lol Oh my god please please please do the rose thing, and then post on gaf the horrible embarrassing results.
 
CaptYamato said:
:lol :lol

Well getting random numbers isn't hard for me unless the girls are Asian. They impervious to my charm.
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a million asian women just got wet and they don't know why























yet
 
jon bones said:
my man

keep the hype train rolling. today after work, i'm gonna get off the subway 3 stops before i usually do and walk the rest of the way. i'm gonna get me a number, for all of us. well, just one - and it'll be for me - but the sentiment is there!
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What happens if you strike out?
 
Bisnic said:
Everytime i see a cute girl where i work, i learn a few days later that she already has a boyfriend. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. Everytime i see a cute girl, i think "she must have a boyfriend, i know it". And i always end up being right about it! Fuck. Why do all the cute girls always have a boyfriend? :(
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Just because there's a goalkeeper doesn't mean you can't score (British expression)
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
What happens if you strike out?
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i don't have a defeatist attitude. see also, "all i do is win"

why is your avatar a rotating gif of different women? friends of yours?
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
Just wondering if you wanna bet on it and make things interesting.
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i'll try something for a bet. dunno if i can get it to work this way, but i'll try:

i'm gonna keep my phone off, carry a marked business card and a pen with me. this way, i'll have to have her write her number down and i can repost a pic of said card tonight. i'm gonna play it by ear, though - if i end up giving her number and having her text me cause it's easier and i'm in a rush ("sry got friends comin over for mnf") - i can't really prove anything.

67704_530553325198_47700570_31117987_7014453_n.jpg
 
SmokyDave said:
You're a sensitive & considerate guy. That's going to make things harder for you in the short term but ultimately, it's a good thing.

Take the plunge. If possible, purposefully seek out rejection. Once you realise it isn't the end of the world, I think you'll feel better.
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Best advice in the thread.
 
I'm a disaster, too. It's been already like 6 months since I was with a girl and it was a big disaster. I'm trying to build confidence once again but I'm kind of depressed and can't seem to get over it (maybe some medication I'm taking has part of the blame). It sucks having such low self steem. The thing is most of the advice some of you give here, although useful, if what you want is to get into some girls pants, it would make me feel like a tool and make me disaprove myself in the first place. I will keep trying, though, although I don't find anyone that truly interests me to the point of making the move. I have to say that I'm really picky though. I'm like a Seinfeld character.
 
bytesized said:
I'm a disaster, too. It's been already like 6 months since I was with a girl and it was a big disaster. I'm trying to build confidence once again but I'm kind of depressed and can't seem to get over it (maybe some medication I'm taking has part of the blame). It sucks having such low self steem. The thing is most of the advice some of you give here, although useful, if what you want is to get into some girls pants, it would make me feel like a tool and make me disaprove myself in the first place. I will keep trying, though, although I don't find anyone that truly interests me to the point of making the move. I have to say that I'm really picky though. I'm like a Seinfeld character.
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Just get started with some internet dating - it's a whole lot easier to pick and chose when you have their profile in front of you.

Maybe we should start up a hook up thread for female and male gaffers?
 
CaptYamato said:
:lol :lol

Well getting random numbers isn't hard for me unless the girls are Asian. They impervious to my charm.
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you want an asian girl that badly? I was married to one...they aren't any different than whatever girl you've dated in the past.
 
I find the whole "hit on women until one says 'yes'" thing irritating. This love by attrition mindset seems like a giant waste of time to me.
 
Toski said:
I find the whole "hit on women until one says 'yes'" thing irritating. This love by attrition mindset seems like a giant waste of time to me.
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I have NEVER prescribed to it myself.

Just.. seems wrong to me.

I literally have never been "rejected." But it's a personal decision; I don't fault guys for playing the "numbers game" as I call it, I just couldn't do it myself for some reason.
 
Shanadeus said:
Just get started with some internet dating - it's a whole lot easier to pick and chose when you have their profile in front of you.

Maybe we should start up a hook up thread for female and male gaffers?
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sausage fest
 
Toski said:
I find the whole "hit on women until one says 'yes'" thing irritating. This love by attrition mindset seems like a giant waste of time to me.
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Yeah, I mean, I feel really bad for missing most opportunities when they are available. But I know I wouldn't like to be the kind of guy hiting on every girl I see and dressing up, behaving and saying stupid crap just because it's what I have to do in order to get girls (that way). Fuck that.



Yeah, forever alone, I know.
 
Jamesfrom818 said:
sausage fest
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Maybe it won't be, we can have someone moderate it all and pick the neediest males to be paired off to one of the few female gaffers.

Question is if anyone would accept that.
 
bytesized said:
Yeah, I mean, I feel really bad for missing most opportunities when they are available. But I know I wouldn't like to be the kind of guy hiting on every girl I see and dressing up, behaving and saying stupid crap just because it's what I have to do in order to get girls (that way). Fuck that.



Yeah, forever alone, I know.
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If you're like me and hate hitting on women, don't hit on 'em. I think accepting the possibility of being alone is more beneficial than the struggle of running game on women (a game you don't like to play). You may run into somebody, or you may not, but having to go out of your way and try god knows how many times for something that isn't guaranteed seems silly.
 
Say something to her within three seconds of noticing her, otherwise it'll get awkward and harder to do.

You'll feel more fun and spontaneous if you say something right away too.
 
effingvic said:
if confidence and self-esteem is a serious issue, girls are the last thing you should be thinking about.

figure out whats wrong and work on it. feel fat? join the gym and read the workout threads here. financial problems? find out what you can do to get back on the right track. lack of friends? post on gaf. if you think you need professional help, go get it.

self confidence problems are serious and rejections from girls will only make it worse. fix yourself before you attempt at a relationship because in the event you (generally speaking) do get a girlfriend, your lack of self esteem will make sure it wont last.
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this is good advice for people with serious confidence/self-esteem problems.
 
Toski said:
If you're like me and hate hitting on women, don't hit on 'em. I think accepting the possibility of being alone is more beneficial than the struggle of running game on women (a game you don't like to play). You may run into somebody, or you may not, but having to go out of your way and try god knows how many times for something that isn't guaranteed seems silly.
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I like it only when it feels natural. Bad thing is that only happens when I'm in a good mood and I meet someone with which I think I could actually see as someone I would like to spend time with. But most girls just don't grab me. Physical attraction is always there if the girl is hot, though, that's what drives me crazy :lol And, then, in those rare ocasions when everything seems to be A-OK... she either has a boyfriend she's been with for 10 fucking years, or I just fuck things up. BIG FUCKING MEH
 
bytesized said:
Yeah, I mean, I feel really bad for missing most opportunities when they are available. But I know I wouldn't like to be the kind of guy hiting on every girl I see and dressing up, behaving and saying stupid crap just because it's what I have to do in order to get girls (that way). Fuck that.

Yeah, forever alone, I know.
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behaving and saying stupid shit wont get you a girl. read this thread from the beginning because it seems like youve glossed over a lot of important advice that a lot of gaffers have posted here.

with this attitude, dont be surprised if you do end up alone.
 
If you dont have the balls to do it in person, just go to online dating sites to get you started. The number of free pussies my friend got from e-harmony is unthinkable...and he is average looking with a thick indian accent ... "match you across 21 dimensions of personality" my ass :lol
 
I have this problem as well, except most of the time the cute girl is checking me out and still I do nothing. Plenty of girls at school give me the eye and then smile at me while walking around campus and such, and a girl in my math class likes to shoot a glance my way every ten mins or so. Main thing holding me back is I've never actually pursued a girl or had a serious relationship before and the few dates I've been on were from the girl pursuing me. And I'm also kind of insecure about how I look for my age (20) since most people say I look 16-17. A manager asked me how old I was the other day and I said 20 and she said "You wish." :lol
 
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