Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Yeah, I assumed you were but just wanted to say if that's what the other person's mentality was that it's a bad one. Sorry for the confusion.
Benzychenz
Member
So this girl I've gone on a couple dates with let me know that she's on some new medication that's taking a bit to adjust to, and she just got out of a relationship and feels pretty damaged, and she might need some time to find herself.
I just let her know I'm happy to take things slow and she can take all the time she needs for herself.
Maaan I was feeling good about this one.
I just let her know I'm happy to take things slow and she can take all the time she needs for herself.
Maaan I was feeling good about this one.
She has a boyfriend. This is the only way to go. I knew this has to happen sooner or later. Start of being friend, and my feeling grew. It was very hard, but i tried to distance myself from her. I stopped seeing her for few weeks. I feel like my life will be changing dramatically soon because of the new job and new living situation in the next month. So i was kind of scared what will stay and what I would leave behind. I told her that. She didn't say too much about it. Last week, she asked me to meet up, and I agreed. We met up last night, i was having dinner, and some drinks with some friends before i met up with her, so when i met her I was fairly drunk. I wasn't paying too much attention about what we talked, but It was her that brought up and she asked me if I have feeling for her. We never talked about this. But when she brought up the topic, made me think if she already knew about how I feel for her already. So we talked, I told her about my feeling for her. But I can't do nothing, so i could only move away. At the end, we decided not to contact each other anymore. This is the only way to go. It does hurt me a little inside, I feel it was like a little breakup, but we never had a real relationship.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It's over, dude. Salvage some dignity here and cut her out of your life.
Okay guys, need some advice.
This is regarding a former girlfriend, one I dated quite recently. I've mentioned her in this thread a while back. She was absolutely wonderful. Gorgeous, smart, sweet, practically perfect gf material. Everything was going great until she moved to her new place, which allowed for ZERO privacy. We still hung out, but any intimate things were left to the backseat of her car. As you would probably expect, this wasn't really the most enjoyable way of handling things long term. So she decided to break up with me because we couldn't actually be together in a proper space by ourselves.
Now you're probably wondering what was wrong with my place? Well, that would be out of the question considering that it was inhabited by my mother as well (which, for the record, is a situation where I'm taking care of her, not the other way around).
But fortune seemed to smile upon me as the madre decided she's going to take a very long trip out of the country. She'll be going to India for 6 months! (amusingly enough, with the intent of finding me a wife). So without her around, I'd have the place all to myself and all the privacy we'd need.
So my question is, should I call her up? When we broke up, we did so under good terms, though we haven't spoken since.
This is regarding a former girlfriend, one I dated quite recently. I've mentioned her in this thread a while back. She was absolutely wonderful. Gorgeous, smart, sweet, practically perfect gf material. Everything was going great until she moved to her new place, which allowed for ZERO privacy. We still hung out, but any intimate things were left to the backseat of her car. As you would probably expect, this wasn't really the most enjoyable way of handling things long term. So she decided to break up with me because we couldn't actually be together in a proper space by ourselves.
Now you're probably wondering what was wrong with my place? Well, that would be out of the question considering that it was inhabited by my mother as well (which, for the record, is a situation where I'm taking care of her, not the other way around).
But fortune seemed to smile upon me as the madre decided she's going to take a very long trip out of the country. She'll be going to India for 6 months! (amusingly enough, with the intent of finding me a wife). So without her around, I'd have the place all to myself and all the privacy we'd need.
So my question is, should I call her up? When we broke up, we did so under good terms, though we haven't spoken since.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Absolutely. Call her now. Stop reading, call NOW!
Gray Matter
Member
Isn't this a temporary solution tho? Proceed with caution.
Well, the thing is, by the time my mom comes back, the lease on her apartment will expire.
Gray Matter
Member
And then you'll move in together?
No, then she'd be able get a new apartment with her own room.
To be honest, not sure what your intention is. Calling her up just because now you have your own place. I mean sure why not. But you probably want to think about the long term of what you want.
ZackieChan
Member
So you're asking her to bang you for a few months then move, so she can keep doing it?
Optimally, I'd like a relationship with her. If we start seeing each other again, we can do so for the next 6 months and continue doing so because by the end, she'll be moving to a new place (that's not me telling her, she herself wants to get out of there cause she really didn't like the living situation).
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Gray Matter
Member
Trust me, I don't. Mainly because of myself, I don't try hard enough.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Never wanna try too hard. I guess.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
I know,I know.
I felt pretty good when I posted a goofy selfie on Instagram, and my crush liked it.
It's not much but it's to me.
Gray Matter
Member
I think you know the answer to that.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
eh.
it's was an old one.
Honestly, I haven't completely move on from the last. It was her.
Even if I gotten to that point, I wouldn't know what to do.
Help.
So blanket statement, I don't know how to further my "love" life. I more or less have no experience.
I honesty don't know what to do, I don't get matches on tinder, I don't get messages back on POF. I feel taking "unnatural" pictures of myself doesn't help me at all. Especially since I don't like trying to put on a fake smile.
I just don't know what to do. When I work it's 15 hours and it's days or nights, my schedule is never set in stone. I could work a six and six or a ten and two.
I'm almost 28 and have missed a significant part of life that the majority have people have experienced. I'm open to almost anything, and what may be possible.
I would like to seriously consider any advice given, but feel I should have some right to an opinion on any subject matter and don't want to be harassed.
Thanks for any help or advice you can provide.
I honesty don't know what to do, I don't get matches on tinder, I don't get messages back on POF. I feel taking "unnatural" pictures of myself doesn't help me at all. Especially since I don't like trying to put on a fake smile.
I just don't know what to do. When I work it's 15 hours and it's days or nights, my schedule is never set in stone. I could work a six and six or a ten and two.
I'm almost 28 and have missed a significant part of life that the majority have people have experienced. I'm open to almost anything, and what may be possible.
I would like to seriously consider any advice given, but feel I should have some right to an opinion on any subject matter and don't want to be harassed.
Thanks for any help or advice you can provide.
The Strokes
Banned
I can relate to this as it's exactly what I'm going through. I still see her and everytime we go out we have a great time and kiss and stuff but we aren't officially a couple. Do you plan on continue seeing this girl?
ZackieChan
Member
What does this even mean? You should check your negativity, my man! You'll never get anywhere like that. I've been trying to match with girls all summer when I've been back in the US, to no avail. A couple matches, but nothing has turned into a date. I'll be back in Thailand this fall and in South America next year, so I'll probably have more luck by default. The ease of finding dates there has spoiled me a bit, actually. However, I've used this dry period to work on my small talk and light social interaction. I try to strike up conversations with women without the intention of dating them. I spent so many years being super awkward. Maybe now that I'm a lawyer and I've dated a lot of girls, I just feel more confident overall. It's a good feeling and you'll get there at some point!
BTW, did you read the first post in the thread? It has a bunch of links to the old threads and some good advice.
It means I'm open to advice, but the quick and sudden dismissal of everything I said was what I was getting at more or less.
I'm 28 years old with no experience, and you are immediately telling me to check myself without giving me any advice. I really don't think I'm speaking out of turn with what I originally posted at all.
First things first - we don't harass here. We'll offer up some bitter medicine and give you advice you may not want to hear, but everything is done with the best of intentions.
Regarding Online Dating, post your POF profile to the Online Dating thread - http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=850646 . We'll offer up feedback and help you improve it. There's also a trove of data out there regarding what works and what doesn't. For example, if you're a guy, apparently looking away from the camera without a smile nets better results. There goes your fake smile problem. Just don't look too down and out.
And online dating should just be one arrow in your quiver. You'll need to meet people in meat-space as well. We frequently suggest meetup.com as a place to find people with similar interests. Just imagine the type of girl you'd like to date, and consider where she'd hang out. Start going to those places. Want a girl with a big heart, volunteer. Want a reader, find a bookstore. After a hipster-chick, locate the nearest artisanal coffee shop that allows dogs. You get the idea.
Above all, be confident!
Roberto Larcos
Member
Jumping in before someone asks 'how?' - fake it til you make it. You'd be surprised how well it works.
If you find yourself feeling down, whistle a happy time, sing a happy song, listen to some europop or unabashedly happy music. That works better than you'd believe, too.
Benzychenz
Member
She said she likes spending time with me and we can still hang out (as friends), so I'll keep seeing her, but I'm not going to pass on any girl that comes along in the mean time.
ZackieChan
Member
Where did I dismiss anything you said?
This negativity is exactly what I'm talking about. If you bring that into real life or your online dating, it will hold you back. Not wanting to have a fake smile in your photos? How about a real smile, then?
I did give you advice, btw - read the OP and the links in it. It's all there for a reason. Your situation isn't unique!
stn
Member
I don't think anyone here would bash you or dismiss your situation in any way. Sometimes the advice given can be blunt, which is done so in order to more effectively persuade the person asking for advice. Remember that the people asking for relationship advice can sometimes be emotionally invested or influenced, and thus may have clouded judgment. Its hard to convey urgency or seriousness over text, hence the sometimes-cold nature of advice.
In your case, you've attempted to shield yourself from potential cold advice. You should instead embrace it. If you can't deal with a bit of "heat" from strangers on a forum, you won't be able to deal with your situation. Trust me when I say I don't think anyone here is going to dismiss you.
As for the advice you seek: do you have friends? Best thing to do is go out with friends and start mingling with people. We can probably help you better if you describe your situation. Are you in school? Have friends? What hobbies? And so forth.
Huh? What Zackie said was solid advice. Like I just said earlier this very page, negativity will affect all aspects of your life, whether you think they do or not. You have to act more confident in yourself, no matter of your circumstances. There were and are more people than you think that are in the same position as you.
ZackieChan
Member
Yep, I was thinking of your earlier post when I wrote my response. People can detect a lack of positivity. And I know it can be difficult when it seems that you get no matches or responses, but at that point it is time to try something different. Would you rather continue getting no matches, or suck it up and do a "fake" smile. Better yet, do something that makes you actually smile and photograph it! No one is going to match with someone who has a dour look in all of their photos, unless you look like a Greek god or something.
That's the wrong way to approach a problem. People smile because that's how they feel. You can't go around having a face that does not resemble your mood, it's all surface. Being cheerful and lighthearted is attractive. But if that's not who you are, then that's that. Just ask yourself who you want to be, not what you want to look like.
Fucking thank you. So many people, GAF included (no offense) tell me I should smile more often and shit. I can't just fake a smile. It feels wrong and, well, fake. I've got a serious and there's nothing I can really do about it. Unless it's genuine I'm not gonna smile, but I guess that's part of the reason why I'm not very approachable.
ZackieChan
Member
I think you miss part of the point, though. You need to create a situation or life where you WANT to smile! That is attractive to people.
People on online dating sites (and people in general) want to date someone who seems to have fun, do interesting things, and enjoys their life. If every photo of you is somber and serious, it ain't gonna get many replies.
I used to never smile in photos. Thought I looked weird and ugly. Now I am actually happy and confident, I smile naturally (plus I just finished an Invisalign treatment, so my teeth are straight). I just have to choose photos that make me look less bald and chubby. Not an easy task.
I guess that makes sense, but I'm talking more outside of pictures. I can't count the number of people who have told me to smile or thought I was a complete asshole.
ZackieChan
Member
I used to get the same thing. People used to assume I was angry with them or super serious. I probably was, though. Now I'm a happy dude. I smile a lot more.
ViewtifulJC
Banned
I'm a black man, we're forbidden from smiling on cameras
I just prefer my smiles be genuine. I have a manager (a very pretty older lady) who literally hated me when we first met because of my face and demeanor I guess. Now I'm like her favorite and she loves messing with me. I think that's how I am with most people. People take a while to warm up to me, which I suppose works against me in the dating world.
It truly does. Being approachable in the psychological sense is key to dating. If you show up to a date and the girl is difficult to communicate with, to make her laugh, to make her smile, chances are you're going to either see her as boring or not interested. I don't know how you usually act, but forcing yourself to smile and be cheerful to break that initial barrier can probably give you a head start.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I completely agree and used to mention it in this and the online dating thread but I was meet with so much hostility that I don't bother anymore. Anger and negativity is poisonous and influences everything, people can help if you're angry.
family_guy
Member
Not true. The black man must smile in all advertisements that are trying to fill their race quota.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Are you really serious about other stuff? It takes more than how much you smile to be labeled that I feel like. I used to get that and I still have a default said face but I no longer get told u sweet angry or unapproachable.
I'm not actually that serious, I just look it. Sure I'm kinda grumpy but I've been told I'm also friendly. Old people seem to like me right away, so do kids. I don't know if that means anything lol.
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