I think I'm done with the online dating thing. Remade a profile out of boredom. Same shit happens over & over. No responses, people I'm not attracted to sending me messages, pretty girls that are ditzy/dumb, or conversations that go nowhere or end abruptly. I'd much rather meet someone in person, more organically. My problem is fear of rejection, lack of self confidence, and all around not knowing what the shit to say. I keep thinking of how stupid I'll look if she ends up having a boyfriend or something. Plenty of pretty girls in my college classes, but no real reason to ever interact with any of them. I miss the feeling of having someone close & being so comfortable with someone. Big void after the ex drama. More or less passed that on some level. Wanting to try out the dating world, but as I stated earlier - I suck.
Which is exactly why you should text her. Shit man, if I could just walk up to some chick and say "hey can I have your number?" without the high risk of making a fool of myself/rejection, I would. She clearly must like you if she gave it out.
Perhaps my posts on here, when specifically referring to dating or my breakup, have sounded negative because everything in that department over the last 10 months has actually been negative - regardless of my attitude/outlook.
Yeah, I realize it's all about mentality. I wish I could flip a switch in terms of that.
Stop it. No, fucking listen to me.
STOP IT. Stop making fucking excuses for your negativity and fucking stop. Right now.
Life sucks, okay? Bad things happen, and they can happen a lot. But that doesn't mean you wrap yourself up in a ball of negativity and say "Oh, everything's so hard, I can't do anything" all the time. Well... I mean, you *can*, be don't expect sympathy from people after a while (I mean this more IRL than here), and certain don't expect anyone to want to be around you.
I get it, it's hard to break out of that spiral of negativity and look at the silver lining in things. You don't do it in a day, it takes effort. If you're not willing to put in that effort yourself and want to find someone to fix you (before you object to that, just don't, that's quite clearly what you're doing right now), go for it, but most well-adjusted people prefer people that know how to support themselves emotionally. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on, etc, but having a shoulder to lean on is way different than being dependent on another person to make you feel better. Whether you are or not, being like that to most people would mean you're clingy and desperate, and if said person doesn't be with them 24/7, that you'll get pissy and depressed. You may not get that way, sure, but most people that act the way you do will, and that's a big red flag to most people.
Also, who cares that your ex is married? Good for her. I'd go on a rant about how you shouldn't even know that in the first place and should have blocked her from your life completely to help move on... but you clearly didn't listen the other times, so whatever.
You're not ready for dating. You don't date women to fill a void in your life, you date people to feel connections and romance, i.e. to add to life. It may feel lonely sometimes, but its best to be alone sometimes. If you can't handle being alone, and not having a significant other, that's not a good sign. I get it, you're probably going to say 'but I've been alone 10 months!', but you shouldn't be counting, and it shouldn't matter, as long as your happy with yourself. Which you aren't, so you should work more on being happy with
you than trying to get with another person to validate yourself somehow.
So... yeah.
EDIT: I went to the other thread and saw this.
Are you talking pre or post breakup? Because I was a very different person prior to that traumatic shit.
Let me be more positive since everyone and their grandma's are saying what a negative nancy I am.
Okay so there's this girl in my history class at school that I find attractive. I know little to nothing about her other than her name. For the hell of it I think I'm gonna ask her out for lunch or something. I'm super confidence in my ability to get her to go out with me (as friends, of course). All I need is a positive attitude and a smile on my face, she's sure to say yes! I know exactly how I'm going to get her number, too. I'll ease into it, of course. Next week I'm going to purposefully miss a class. Therefore, the 2 days prior to that class I plan on missing, I will approach her after class and ask her if we can exchange numbers - as I know she types the notes on her laptop as opposed to writing them on paper. For this reason I will ask her if she can kindly send me the notes for the day I miss. Even exchanging emails would work. That will be my initial break in. I think jumping in with "HI I DONT KNOW YOU AND YOU DONT KNOW ME BUT LETS GO GET FOOD LOL" isn't the best course of action. Start with a request for help to get her contact info and then ease into conversation from there. It's fool proof and I know I can pull it off. Confidence!
There, is that better? Is that the attitude I should take? Do you want to run far away from me now? =l
WTF dude? Stop being so argumentative when people tell you stuff. If you don't like the advice people are giving (and while backslashbunny is blunt, it was legit advice), then simply don't respond. Or respond in a better tone.
Everyone and their grandma is saying you're acting negative because... well, you are. Between the general attitude you're having here and the complaining you're doing in the Online Dating thread (which... you've been doing online dating for a week or something now? You can't expect people to fall from the sky), yeah, people are gonna say you're negative.