Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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I might come off as an ass saying this, but the notion of being "a bad texter" is nonsense to me. Either you care about texting and not making the people around you feel ignored (not everyone does, but many definitely do), or you don't. If you wanted to be good at texting, wouldn't you take steps to improve? Like try to find spots where you can respond, perhaps set up reminders to check what people wrote you? I mean if you don't care about texting then by all means go ahead, nothing inherently wrong with that. But I for example can feel ignored and neglected if someone takes way too long to respond to a text (or even two) for which I expect some kind of response. Obviously depends who I'm texting though - a close friend is no big deal. Someone I'm romantically interested in though, I'll probably conclude disinterest.

Well I live with my bf so we only really text to discuss dinner plans, and I tend to initiate since I'm the one who does most of the shopping, and I do it at a convenient time for me (after work).

If my friends text me when I'm at work, I can't reply - I can usually have a quick look at it (to make sure it isn't an emergency) and then I'll reply after work. But I often forget. Life gets in the way. Thankfully I don't have needy friends who take this as a slight against them.

Also you mean uninterest not disinterest, they have different meanings (not being an arse, it's just a lot of people don't know that. Disinterest means you are neutral on the subject whereas uninterest means you are not interested).
 

Honestly, if someone feels neglected and ignored simply because they didn't reply back within a certain period of time, that's sorta overly clingy. People are busy. It's very easy to see "oh, I got a text", look at it, and say "I'll respond in a little bit, because I'm working/walking/driving/any other number of things", then simply forget for a while because something else popped up. I personally am like that with FB Messenger, because once that little notification goes away, I forget the conversation existed (I don't like Messenger).

I mean, I consider myself a good texter--I'll always text people back, and usually within a short period of time (since I can check my phone at work), unless I'm in the middle of something that takes me away from my phone. But if someone takes time to answer me back, I'm not going to feel neglected. It's not a big deal, and if it was important, I'd call them. Sometimes I'll send a second text if it's, like, 12 hours later (because it's quite possible they forgot), but the only time I'll feel neglected is if it happens on a regular basis (like if 75% of my texts go unanswered).
 
The moment you thought to yourself "I don't think she sees me in that way." it was done. No idea what you're expecting here.

Saying it was easy to get her number and everything, what was the point of that? Are you convincing yourself it is easy and then not acting upon that? Do it with other women. Without a tutor having to introduce you

From these posts you just don't sound confident with yourself and you're just asking for us to tell you to move on

....Yeah.

Edit: I mean I thought it was hard getting a girls number. I've gotten a few but like they're my friends. However, I would have to text them first though. One of them only text me if they needed something like money or just to talk shit about her Ex. She ended back with him though.
 
And a girl is going to be romantically interested in you because she exchanged a bunch of messages with you on facebook ? Is that your expectation with every girl who talks to you ? Love at first message.

I never said anything about facebook. I'm sayimg in the wprld of online datimg if aomeone takes days to respond 9/10 its because they are not interested. We can play this game but come on, you all know as well as I do that girl is a lost cause for this dude.

Like I said, the dude text her twice. If she wanted to respond, a day or two is fine, 4 days? Who are yall kidding here.

Also friends that i constantly talk are definitely the ones i forget to reply. Because i talk often. If i didnt reply its most definitely because i forgot.

If you don't reply for 4 days I really think its more than "I forgot" if you supposedly talk all the time. I find it batshit crazy peoeple are implying.that is nornal.
 
Honestly, if someone feels neglected and ignored simply because they didn't reply back within a certain period of time, that's sorta overly clingy. People are busy. It's very easy to see "oh, I got a text", look at it, and say "I'll respond in a little bit, because I'm working/walking/driving/any other number of things", then simply forget for a while because something else popped up. I personally am like that with FB Messenger, because once that little notification goes away, I forget the conversation existed (I don't like Messenger).

I mean, I consider myself a good texter--I'll always text people back, and usually within a short period of time (since I can check my phone at work), unless I'm in the middle of something that takes me away from my phone. But if someone takes time to answer me back, I'm not going to feel neglected. It's not a big deal, and if it was important, I'd call them. Sometimes I'll send a second text if it's, like, 12 hours later (because it's quite possible they forgot), but the only time I'll feel neglected is if it happens on a regular basis (like if 75% of my texts go unanswered).


I seem to be much better with messenger. For some reason I just don't like texting.
 
Honestly, if someone feels neglected and ignored simply because they didn't reply back within a certain period of time, that's sorta overly clingy. People are busy. It's very easy to see "oh, I got a text", look at it, and say "I'll respond in a little bit, because I'm working/walking/driving/any other number of things", then simply forget for a while because something else popped up.

Brad Pitt Rule.

Let's pretend that you're single and looking for a relationship. You met Brad Pitt (if you don't think Brad is hot, insert your favorite ideal person that will get you excited) and you gave him your number. He texts you while you're working/walking. Do you really think you'll forget to reply to his text or not respond quickly? Perhaps you might if you have suitors texting/calling you all the time but I would think you have a heightened sense of interest in ensuring things go well and that you don't screw up.
 
Brad Pitt Rule.

Let's pretend that you're single and looking for a relationship. You met Brad Pitt (if you don't think Brad is hot, insert your favorite ideal person that will get you excited) and you gave him your number. He texts you while you're working/walking. Do you really think you'll forget to reply to his text or not respond quickly? Perhaps you might if you have suitors texting/calling you all the time but I would think you have a heightened sense of interest in ensuring things go well and that you don't screw up.

And if Brad Pitt texts me while I was at my old job (where I could not check my phone for eight hours), or while I'm driving, he'd have to wait until I see the text for me to text him back. I can't know who's texting me without looking at the phone.

Now don't get me wrong, if a romantic interest fails to respond to my texts more than once or twice, I'll assume he's uninterested. But I'm not going to think that for just one failure to reply, nor if it takes a while for them to reply. Life happens. And so do bad service areas.
 
I'd at least expect people to answer Brad Pitt on the same day, even if they were busy. I'll give people the benefit of the doubt that they're busy. But when it goes past a day (especially regularly), that's a red flag.

I was dating this girl for about 2 months, and she would be awful at responding texts. We're talking 1-4 days late here (we would go out about once a week). I called her out on it and her response was basically "I'm bad at texting/it's just how I am".

The straw that broke the camel's back was when I proposed a concert the following sunday (it was monday) while there were still good seats. She answers me on thursday "I think all the good seats are taken. Hey, do you want to go to X restaurant tomorrow?" I just called it quits there. Maybe I should have answered 3 days later saying I wouldn't be able to make it to the restaurant (I'm not bitter at all!!)
 
I think I'm done with the online dating thing. Remade a profile out of boredom. Same shit happens over & over. No responses, people I'm not attracted to sending me messages, pretty girls that are ditzy/dumb, or conversations that go nowhere or end abruptly. I'd much rather meet someone in person, more organically. My problem is fear of rejection, lack of self confidence, and all around not knowing what the shit to say. I keep thinking of how stupid I'll look if she ends up having a boyfriend or something. Plenty of pretty girls in my college classes, but no real reason to ever interact with any of them. I miss the feeling of having someone close & being so comfortable with someone. Big void after the ex drama. More or less passed that on some level. Wanting to try out the dating world, but as I stated earlier - I suck.
 
Earlier this year my gf broke up with me, and i found out just before the breakup happened that she had been cheating on me and she continued to lie to me 2 months after the breakup leading me on thinking there might be a chance getting back together.

Anyway, i got blind drunk one night and I asked a girl for her number at the bar, don't know why she did but she said yes, and tomorrow night her and 3 friends and me and 3 friends are going out for some bowling, although we've been dating a little before that and we talk everyday. Shes hungarian and a first year uni student, I was worried because i thought she was going to be 17 when she told me that, but shes 20, so it's fine.

/blog

The rabbit hole goes deeper, theres a woman at work, i click really well with. But she has a bf, and a mortage on their house together, but she told me shes not happy with him but has made it very difficult to try get her to talk about it, so ive left it alone. Ive known this woman for 4 years, always had a crush on her, but we never spoke because i thought she hated me, then when we do start talking we just gelled amazingly. Now here's the weird part, yesterday we were just having casual chat on fb, but during the conversation her daughter randomly added me on fb, which was obviously a mistake, because she deleted the request minutes later. I'm not really sure what to make of that. Like obviously they had a some kind of conversation about me, and her bf is not the father of her child, but i still dont think she would tell her 13 year old daughter much about me. I don't know, very weird.

If i've learned anything about dating recently, don't get too hung up on someone if they don't want to be with you, if you break up, don't feel depressed inside your own mind for months, just do something, anything, life will sort itself out one way or another. If something is not working for you, try something else, find something that does work.

edit: dont do online dating, its really shit.
 
If i've learned anything about dating recently, don't get too hung up on someone if they don't want to be with you, if you break up, don't feel depressed inside your own mind for months, just do something, anything, life will sort itself out one way or another. If something is not working for you, try something else, find something that does work.

edit: dont do online dating, its really shit.

Yeah, I wish it were that simple. Being so close to someone & then it suddenly becoming silent between you two is very traumatic. Lack of closure can have an effect.

Yeah, online dating is shit. I met my ex on there, but that was the only positive thing that occurred. The rest was shit, all the other dates, etc. It really isn't worth it.
 
Yeah, I wish it were that simple. Being so close to someone & then it suddenly becoming silent between you two is very traumatic. Lack of closure can have an effect.

Yeah, online dating is shit. I met my ex on there, but that was the only positive thing that occurred. The rest was shit, all the other dates, etc. It really isn't worth it.

Don't misunderstand, im not saying it is easy and not hurtful. Because it is, but youre only doing yourself a disservice by feeling like shit while your ex goes off and lives thier life.
 
Don't misunderstand, im not saying it is easy and not hurtful. Because it is, but youre only doing yourself a disservice by feeling like shit while your ex goes off and lives thier life.

Very true. My ex supposedly married this guy she left me for (not even a full 10 months have passed) & I'm here still feeling the residual pain of the breakup. I've been distracting myself with gaming & going out with friends from work. For the most part, it has been working well. Though, I feel something is missing. As I said, the void. I just lack the know-how & confidence of approaching/talking to women I'm interested in.
 
My problem is fear of rejection, lack of self confidence, and all around not knowing what the shit to say. I keep thinking of how stupid I'll look if she ends up having a boyfriend or something.
So what if it turns out she has a bf, why is that supposed to make you look stupid (it only does if you've been pinning for her for months before finding out)? You were bold and asked her. That's a positive trait. If she's a cool girl, that just attests to your good taste. If she starts laughing at you, bullet dodged. Fear of rejection is worse than rejection itself (but I know that fear can be crippling). By asking them out, you get your answer quickly, which also allows you to move on faster, instead of being stuck wondering.
But she has a bf
This is really where the rabbit hole should end.
Lack of closure can have an effect.
Sometimes her not wanting to be with you is all the closure you get. But what if you knew her 'reasons'? What would it ultimately change. Closure is a state of mind.
 
Very true. My ex supposedly married this guy she left me for (not even a full 10 months have passed) & I'm here still feeling the residual pain of the breakup. I've been distracting myself with gaming & going out with friends from work. For the most part, it has been working well. Though, I feel something is missing. As I said, the void. I just lack the know-how & confidence of approaching/talking to women I'm interested in.

Me and my friends have the exact same issue with approaching women, the only thing that has helped me is thinking about statistically. Not approaching women is worse than approaching a woman, embarrassing yourself and getting rejected. When you don't approach there is a guaranteed 0% chance. If you fail when talking to a woman, there might only be a 1% chance, but if you do fail, at first it hurts and you feel bad about yourself. But then the next time when you do it, you will try something else - thats almost instinctive. If you get rejected, it still hurts. Just not as bad. Repeat the cycle of trying new things, getting rejected and doing it all over again, each time you become more confident and stronger as a person. You just need to put up with how shit it will feel getting rejected so much initially. This is basically what i've been doing, and eventually someone will notice you and take interest. Just remember don't try fake anything, still be yourself, things will fall into place eventually.

This is really where the rabbit hole should end.

I agree, i told her straight up my feelings. I have no intention of braking them up, she was the one who told me she cries every night due to her relationship, so i told her i would be there for her if she needs someone to talk to, and i told her that i enjoy her company and im very willing to be friends with her only, because i really do like spending time with her. Anyway, the extra stuff is all on her end, and i know she is a very nice person and shes trying to avoid things as much as possible,
 
I think I'm done with the online dating thing. Remade a profile out of boredom. Same shit happens over & over. No responses, people I'm not attracted to sending me messages, pretty girls that are ditzy/dumb, or conversations that go nowhere or end abruptly. I'd much rather meet someone in person, more organically. My problem is fear of rejection, lack of self confidence, and all around not knowing what the shit to say. I keep thinking of how stupid I'll look if she ends up having a boyfriend or something. Plenty of pretty girls in my college classes, but no real reason to ever interact with any of them. I miss the feeling of having someone close & being so comfortable with someone. Big void after the ex drama. More or less passed that on some level. Wanting to try out the dating world, but as I stated earlier - I suck.

Would you date you?

Reread your posts here. If you met a girl with this attitude, would you want to go out with her?

We've all suggested therapy, moving away, taking time for yourself, etc. many times. But it's true and it is necessary!

BTW, I've met a ton of great girls online. There's lame ones all over, but IRL is the same.
 
That feel when you walk into a cafe and the cashier/barista is too much to handle.

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So what if it turns out she has a bf, why is that supposed to make you look stupid (it only does if you've been pinning for her for months before finding out)? You were bold and asked her. That's a positive trait. If she's a cool girl, that just attests to your good taste. If she starts laughing at you, bullet dodged. Fear of rejection is worse than rejection itself (but I know that fear can be crippling). By asking them out, you get your answer quickly, which also allows you to move on faster, instead of being stuck wondering

You're quite right. It's the fear that is holding me back. Growing up I've always been very shy and reserved. Since I've gotten older, I've mostly broken out of that shell. Only issue with that is I'm still that way when approaching women.

Sometimes her not wanting to be with you is all the closure you get. But what if you knew her 'reasons'? What would it ultimately change. Closure is a state of mind.

I know her reasons. It's as simple as losing interest, being immature, and getting close with another guy. What bothers me is how abruptly it ended and that she thinks I'm a psychotic monster. What kills me is knowing (as far as I can tell) that she hates me and thinks ill of me. Going from wanting marriage to thoughts of ill will in half a month broke me down. She was my first *everything* so perhaps that plays into it. Regardless, it still hurts to think about.

Me and my friends have the exact same issue with approaching women, the only thing that has helped me is thinking about statistically. Not approaching women is worse than approaching a woman, embarrassing yourself and getting rejected. When you don't approach there is a guaranteed 0% chance. If you fail when talking to a woman, there might only be a 1% chance, but if you do fail, at first it hurts and you feel bad about yourself. But then the next time when you do it, you will try something else - thats almost instinctive. If you get rejected, it still hurts. Just not as bad. Repeat the cycle of trying new things, getting rejected and doing it all over again, each time you become more confident and stronger as a person. You just need to put up with how shit it will feel getting rejected so much initially. This is basically what i've been doing, and eventually someone will notice you and take interest. Just remember don't try fake anything, still be yourself, things will fall into place eventually.

I get where you're coming from. It's that hurdle of fear I need to get over. If I'm buzzed/tipsy, then it's no problem. Thing is, I don't want to have to be in that state to be able to move forward like that.

Would you date you?

Reread your posts here. If you met a girl with this attitude, would you want to go out with her?

We've all suggested therapy, moving away, taking time for yourself, etc. many times. But it's true and it is necessary!

BTW, I've met a ton of great girls online. There's lame ones all over, but IRL is the same.

As I'm sure you understand, my self esteem/confidence took a big hit after the breakup. I'm still working on rebuilding it. Would I date me? I'm sure you're referring to the self confidence bit. I don't think someone that has self confidence issues should be out of the realm of dating. That shouldn't make or break a potential relationship, especially given the cause.

I know what you've all suggested, which is why I've been going to therapy for the past couple of months. I've taken time for myself. Moving away would logically set me back even farther. And where would I even go, I mean realistically? I have a decent paying job & I'm going to classes. I don't ever see my ex. She has graduated from the college here. If her & her boyfriend (or husband, whatever) still frequent the gym there, then that's fine. I don't/wont do so.


My ex is supposedly happy with her new guy, but she insisted on refollowing me on twitter only for me to find that she was shit talking me & saying how amazing her new guy is. From what you say she said, she probably isn't happy with him at all. What a cunt.
 
Well psycho-ex decided to contact via a fake FB profile. One word "Pathetic".
I laughed and said "how have you been ***"
She answered "***?"....basically trying to be super incognito in fear I guess I'd screen shot it and send it to someone.

I laughed, she told me "mines better"..basically referring to her new BF as being better then the girl I've been seeing casually. I said that sounds great and then she said she wanted to tell me somethings and to let her call.
I unblocked the number and preped for crazy train to roll in.

10min rant on: I'm ugly, he's an adonis, I'm dumb, he's brilliant, he fucks like a beast and introduced her to the guy who signed some big bands, Jonny Rotten, etc..and some more silly shit. Told me how she finally found "real love"
All I did was agree the whole time and say how happy I was for her and could tell she was in love and I wasn't angry.
She wouldn't accept it, said I was in denial.

What prompted her callshe said? My IG profile pic has the girl I've been seeing in an Eddie Guerrero wrestling shirt that reads "Call me Papi"...crazy SWEARS it's aimed at her cause shes half Cuban.
To top this silly self absorbed argument off she says "Did you see my FB profile pic? It's me and "new bf" and did you see how many likes it got?! 107! 107! You and your little whore will never get that many likes"

Seriously...my mind was BLOWN...Your a knockout, your boyfriend is famous and rich, and your meeting celebrities...and this is the phone call/message I get lol GO AWAY lol

She called 10min later after that call...same shit. I didn't block the number fast enough.
Basically attacked everything about me while I agreed and said I was happy for her.
I never raised my voice or retaliated. I wished her well and said I can see the love between them in her pic (she sent it too me via fake account) Also told me he would knock me out if he saw me..I said "great, I sue and get rich!" She then said "he has people who would handle you!"

I have no idea what her game plan is. I don't know why she won't go away. I'm average joe blue collar and she's fucking Hollywood now lol

I'm suppose to head to the city on the 29th for a small venue concert, she'll be their...
500 people..hope I don't see her.
Girl I'm seeing wants to go but the crazy-ex already told me a few weeks back she would approach that girl. Now the girl wants to go and I don't want her...she's mad at me. I don't need the drama. I wanna go and stand FAR away...possibly get knocked out lol
 
I have no idea what her game plan is. I don't know why she won't go away. I'm average joe blue collar and she's fucking Hollywood now lol

I'm suppose to head to the city on the 29th for a small venue concert, she'll be their...
500 people..hope I don't see her.
Girl I'm seeing wants to go but the crazy-ex already told me a few weeks back she would approach that girl. Now the girl wants to go and I don't want her...she's mad at me. I don't need the drama. I wanna go and stand FAR away...possibly get knocked out lol

Here's what you do:

You make it impossible for others to search you up. You make your FB-profile so that people can't find you, not even with your email. You're allowing this drama to continue. I know she's crazy, so I'm not going to call into questions her actions. Rather, I'll call your actions out.

You unblocked her number? Why? You're letting her remain in your life. You're asking why she won't leave you alone. Who the fuck cares? Why won't you block her out? What do you think is gonna happen when you unblock her. Fuck the fact that you "didn't block her number fast enough", you still fucking picked up. I'm happy you can remain calm in the face of that shit, but you're still answering. You're letting her. That's why she's there. It doesn't matter what her intentions are. It doesn't matter if she's just out to hurt you, if she's actually never been with someone better, or if she has second thoughts. The latter is what she always does. She fucks up all situations she's ever in. Get away from it. It's toxic. She's venomous. Close off ALL your fucking profiles. Withdraw. Don't allow yourself to stir shit up in her. She might come at you even harder, then, but only for a while. Your life is not about to be forever sustaining this kind of crap, is it? No? Then stop fucking answering any of her shit. If she manages to get a hold of you through any type of media, don't reply, don't answer, don't pick up.

It's pretty ridiculous coming to this thread saying "this girl won't leave me alone lol", but answering the phone. She needs to be cut off, and you need to cut her off. Stop enabling her. Lay low. There's good reasons still go to the concert, but chances are you're getting into unnecessary drama. It's stupid that this girl is doing this to you, but removing yourself entirely is the one way you actually can get rid of her. Remember that she's probably construed all kinds of lies about you, and people might be seriously upset if she wants them to be. She manipulates people, and she'll try her best to fuck up what you have with this new girl. You can't foresee how, which is why warning her isn't enough. She's a villain. You can't defeat her. You need to make sure she gives up finding you.

I've read back to some posts you've made recently, regarding not feeling it for a girl you were dating? I don't think you're ready to date. You're obviously hung up on this girl, because crazy messes up your mind. Don't allow that you fuck up your relationships to be. Crazy isn't good. It's not fun. It's not hot. Crazy kinky sex, crazy sex, crazy.. all of that, that's not what sex is about. When sex has to be kink to do it right, it's to masquerade the dysfunctional sex life that's really there. You're not ready to see that, because the crazy-shaped hole in your mind isn't gone. Let it heal. Make this stop. You're allowing all of her manipulation con you into believing sex is something it isn't.

Oh yeah. If you go to that concert, she will find you, and she will piss on everything you hold dear.


EDIT: Oh, and I see this is an intermittent thing. You're the one allowing this to continue. stn said it with great weight. You have a son. Take care of him. This is not healthy. If you cannot abstain from this, I'd seriously recommend seeking professional help. This isn't healthy.
 
Been trying to ask a girl out the last few weeks, but I never catch her at the right time. Never.

I see her at least once a week, and every time I go in she's busy (with her job) every damn time. I (luckily) have her number, but I'd much rather do it in person, that way I can know for sure wether she's interested or not. And if she isn't I could move on that much faster.
 
Been trying to ask a girl out the last few weeks, but I never catch her at the right time. Never.

I see her at least once a week, and every time I go in she's busy (with her job) every damn time. I (luckily) have her number, but I'd much rather do it in person, that way I can know for sure wether she's interested or not. And if she isn't I could move on that much faster.

How is it you have her number & under what circumstances did you get it?
 
Been trying to ask a girl out the last few weeks, but I never catch her at the right time. Never.

I see her at least once a week, and every time I go in she's busy (with her job) every damn time. I (luckily) have her number, but I'd much rather do it in person, that way I can know for sure wether she's interested or not. And if she isn't I could move on that much faster.

"Hey Alice, it's Bob. I ran into you at $job on $day, but I was really in a rush. Something made me think about $topicWeShare - want to grab drinks on $evening?"

Something like that. Remember this: there is no perfect text message. They don't exist. If someone likes you, they're going to be excited regardless of the actual content.
 
How is it you have her number & under what circumstances did you get it?

I got lucky one day, she wasn't busy and right before I left I asked.

"Hey Alice, it's Bob. I ran into you at $job on $day, but I was really in a rush. Something made me think about $topicWeShare - want to grab drinks on $evening?"

Something like that. Remember this: there is no perfect text message. They don't exist. If someone likes you, they're going to be excited regardless of the actual content.

I've texted her before, so she'll know who it's from, but I really would like to do it person this time. I've had bad luck on ask for a date via text.
 
I got lucky one day, she wasn't busy and right before I left I asked.



I've texted her before, so she'll know who it's from, but I really would like to do it person this time. I've had bad luck on ask for a date via text.

So you said something like "hey can I have your number *for no reason at all*" and she said "k"? Gotta elaborate, man.

Just text her. If you're unable to do it in person, explain via text how you've tried, but didn't want to be rude while she was busy.
 
So you said something like "hey can I have your number *for no reason at all*" and she said "k"? Gotta elaborate, man.

Just text her. If you're unable to do it in person, explain via text how you've tried, but didn't want to be rude while she was busy.

Something like that, but it was with the intention to break that contact barrier and ask her out later, which I have been trying to, but I never get the opportunity.
 
Something like that, but it was with the intention to break that contact barrier and ask her out later, which I have been trying to, but I never get the opportunity.

Which is exactly why you should text her. Shit man, if I could just walk up to some chick and say "hey can I have your number?" without the high risk of making a fool of myself/rejection, I would. She clearly must like you if she gave it out.
 
What is the history of your text messages? How long ago did you get her number? What conversations have you had?

I've had it for a little over 2 months, and quite honestly, the texting has been very minimal, wasn't getting many, if at all replies (just like the last girl I liked) so I just haven't texted her in a few weeks because I know it's going to lead nowhere that way.
 
As I'm sure you understand, my self esteem/confidence took a big hit after the breakup. I'm still working on rebuilding it. Would I date me? I'm sure you're referring to the self confidence bit. I don't think someone that has self confidence issues should be out of the realm of dating. That shouldn't make or break a potential relationship, especially given the cause.

I know what you've all suggested, which is why I've been going to therapy for the past couple of months. I've taken time for myself. Moving away would logically set me back even farther. And where would I even go, I mean realistically? I have a decent paying job & I'm going to classes. I don't ever see my ex. She has graduated from the college here. If her & her boyfriend (or husband, whatever) still frequent the gym there, then that's fine. I don't/wont do so.



My ex is supposedly happy with her new guy, but she insisted on refollowing me on twitter only for me to find that she was shit talking me & saying how amazing her new guy is. From what you say she said, she probably isn't happy with him at all. What a cunt.

Not the self confidence, it's the negativity. All of your posts have that air about them. Would you date someone who was constantly negative is the question I was asking, essentially.
 
Not the self confidence, it's the negativity. All of your posts have that air about them. Would you date someone who was constantly negative is the question I was asking, essentially.

Perhaps my posts on here, when specifically referring to dating or my breakup, have sounded negative because everything in that department over the last 10 months has actually been negative - regardless of my attitude/outlook.
 
Perhaps my posts on here, when specifically referring to dating or my breakup, have sounded negative because everything in that department over the last 10 months has actually been negative - regardless of my attitude/outlook.

It's not about how it's been, rather how your current outlook can hamper your progress. If you become negative because everything the last ten months has been negative, you'll turn into grap3
 
@Septimius

You're wasting your breath, man. SPMH - forget advice, just go talk to a professional. Please.
 
Alright so I'm back and needing help clarifying shit (not sure if I'm getting mixed signals or not). I already talked about it before here but I'll summarize what happened then until now.

So I'm 21 as a fifth year in college and this girl is 19 as a first year. Over the past 3 weeks I've been talking with her whenever I chance to see her (couple hours, 2 times every week) and we've been having fun. The place where we hang out at is the campus LBTQ ("gay-friendly") Pride Center so alot of physical contact and sexual innuendo is thrown around all for good fun (and it's also not what happens all the time).

So today I got to meet her again while she was touring a friend of her's around the campus. Started talking then things started to get juvenile silly (which I don't mind) which eventually turned into leg-lock wrestling on the floor (reason was trying to take each other's shoes) which then we got tired and laid together/on top of each other on a bean bag. I received a playful kiss on the cheek, 'twas a good time.

Now what I'm confused about is whether the above description constitutes as me getting "too friendly" in addition to some conversation tidbits I gathered. While talking with her (and her friend) I've learned that she was recently asked out by a guy we both knew (said guy is socially awkward (personally I don't mind him)) to which she turned down and jokingly whined about "getting asked out all the time" and also apparently her (and her friend's) liking of asian men (specifically Koreans). Regarding the latter-most part, I'm an asian male but sport a tanned complexion (Chinese/Filipino) and while I'm not Korean obviously I've been dubbed by her as "my face being attractive."

So I'm not sure what her viewpoint of me is in terms of romantic involvement and I'm not sure exactly if I should ask her out next week as she already turned down a guy that we both knew.

I might get to hang out with her and a friend tomorrow, but yeah that's pretty much it. Help me GAF.

Edit: I should clarify that I'm debating whether my actions above constitutes as being flirtatious or just being very physical friends.
 
It's not about how it's been, rather how your current outlook can hamper your progress. If you become negative because everything the last ten months has been negative, you'll turn into grap3

Yeah, I realize it's all about mentality. I wish I could flip a switch in terms of that.

@Septimius

You're wasting your breath, man. SPMH - forget advice, just go talk to a professional. Please.

What the fuck? In terms of me or spmh?
 
Yeah, I realize it's all about mentality. I wish I could flip a switch in terms of that.



What the fuck? In terms of me or spmh?

He is talking bout SPMH. Shit is like a really shitty soap.

As for you, you just need to accept that part of opening up is accepting that you can get hurt. Its a risk vs reward thing. Something alot of guys do not recognize is that behind the pretty face and the nice clothes, all these "10/10" girls are every bit as timid and insecure as any of us. There is no reason to fear rejection over not getting a number or a date.

Those don't need to be factors that define you unless you let them. Even the most successful people in the dating game do not bat 1000.
 
Well I have a bit of an issue with a girl who I want to date, but I know it won't happen. She knows I like her, but unfortunately she doesn't feel the same, but I'm fine with that. I'm a big boy, I can get over it.

Anyway, to the story. She wanted to spend some time with me today because we generally love hanging out and talking with one another. As a whole the day went by great, we enjoyed each others company as usual. Drove all around town laughing and having fun. Somewhere during this I get a text from a mutual friend of ours, one that I've known for a lot longer than her. We decide to pick him up because more people is always fun. We end up talking even more, to the point where the guy mentions a story about how a girl he liked was pretty much taken from him by another guy whom he thought was his friend, it was a shitty situation all around.

After the story she asks us how we would react if one of us liked a certain girl, but the girl liked the other one instead. This obviously put a few alarms off in my head, but I kind of brush it off. We both say it's fine as long as the other is cool with it. A few minutes later after that she mentions to me how she loves how kind and nice I am, but that she likes somebody else. Which in all honesty is nothing new to me. Like I said before. I know she doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her, I can't force somebody to love me, so whatever. Then we have to get ready to say our separate ways.

Since we're all riding in one car this makes what happens that much worse. We're talking about the former situation, when out of nowhere, she asks my friend that she and him should go out on a date. Stunned, the both of us can only really sit there with our mouths open. I kind of look at her and ask about the person she liked, and she mouths "It's him", meaning my friend in the backseat. She then asks again if they can go on a date. Since this same exact situation happened to him, and since he knows full well that I really like this girl, he can only say "I...I don't think I can do that...". She then says that of course he can and asks for his phone number. Me and him are both still shocked. While she goes on and asks if anybody is going to answer her question about the date. I only let out a "Go ahead man...you should do it." Eventually she gets his number and we get to where we needed to drop him off. Before he gets out, she looks directly at me and asks him for a hug...And obviously feeling terrible about the situation he nervously laughs it off. Then once he gets out, she opens her door, looks at me again, and then goes to hug him, and she gets back in since she's my ride home...

A couple of minutes down the road she asks me if she thinks it would work out and asks me to text him for her, while she watches to make sure I send what she wants. A little further down the road she notices that I'm pretty quiet and not really looking at her. Then all of a sudden it all dawns on her what she just did. She tells me that she's sorry and that it was nothing more than a joke to mess with me and that she was never serious about any of it, even texting him telling him the same, but at that point I was out of it and couldn't really believe what she was saying. We stop outside my house and she apologizes repeatedly, tells me again that it was a joke, and just doesn't really make things any better. She refuses to let me leave her car, she hugs on to me for a solid minute and tells me that I can't leave until I promise her that I won't tell my friend that I think she likes him. At this point I'm honestly kind of shaken to the point that I can't really say complete sentences, but I try to tell her that if she likes him then don't let me and my feelings get in the way, She absolutely refuses and tells me that I shouldn't blame myself and that if she were serious she would've gone after him from the beginning and that she would never want to hurt me since I'm a friend who always supports her. I can't really accept it as a prank, but I tell her that I'll try to promise her, but I can't guarantee anything.

She calls me not 2 minutes later to continue to say the same thing and try to reassure me that nobody will date anybody, and how she would never want to lose me as a friend for something like that. I don't really remember what I told her. I did text my friend about it and he says that he would never date her in a situation like that, and that we both understand it's a joke, but I honestly don't really feel as if she was joking in the beginning, and that she's just doing this to spare my feelings, as late an effort as that is at this point. She does plan on talking with me about it as soon as she can.

I don't really know if this fits in the thread, but I'm seriously kind of out of it by this whole situation and I just feel like sharing the story will help get some perspective from others and help me settle down a bit even if I do know I'll get over it, it still hurts.

Sorry for my long vent/rant/idk post.
 
Well I have a bit of an issue with a girl who I want to date, but I know it won't happen. She knows I like her, but unfortunately she doesn't feel the same, but I'm fine with that. I'm a big boy, I can get over it.

Anyway, to the story. She wanted to spend some time with me today because we generally love hanging out and talking with one another. As a whole the day went by great, we enjoyed each others company as usual. Drove all around town laughing and having fun. Somewhere during this I get a text from a mutual friend of ours, one that I've known for a lot longer than her. We decide to pick him up because more people is always fun. We end up talking even more, to the point where the guy mentions a story about how a girl he liked was pretty much taken from him by another guy whom he thought was his friend, it was a shitty situation all around.

After the story she asks us how we would react if one of us liked a certain girl, but the girl liked the other one instead. This obviously put a few alarms off in my head, but I kind of brush it off. We both say it's fine as long as the other is cool with it. A few minutes later after that she mentions to me how she loves how kind and nice I am, but that she likes somebody else. Which in all honesty is nothing new to me. Like I said before. I know she doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her, I can't force somebody to love me, so whatever. Then we have to get ready to say our separate ways.

Since we're all riding in one car this makes what happens that much worse. We're talking about the former situation, when out of nowhere, she asks my friend that she and him should go out on a date. Stunned, the both of us can only really sit there with our mouths open. I kind of look at her and ask about the person she liked, and she mouths "It's him", meaning my friend in the backseat. She then asks again if they can go on a date. Since this same exact situation happened to him, and since he knows full well that I really like this girl, he can only say "I...I don't think I can do that...". She then says that of course he can and asks for his phone number. Me and him are both still shocked. While she goes on and asks if anybody is going to answer her question about the date. I only let out a "Go ahead man...you should do it." Eventually she gets his number and we get to where we needed to drop him off. Before he gets out, she looks directly at me and asks him for a hug...And obviously feeling terrible about the situation he nervously laughs it off. Then once he gets out, she opens her door, looks at me again, and then goes to hug him, and she gets back in since she's my ride home...

A couple of minutes down the road she asks me if she thinks it would work out and asks me to text him for her, while she watches to make sure I send what she wants. A little further down the road she notices that I'm pretty quiet and not really looking at her. Then all of a sudden it all dawns on her what she just did. She tells me that she's sorry and that it was nothing more than a joke to mess with me and that she was never serious about any of it, even texting him telling him the same, but at that point I was out of it and couldn't really believe what she was saying. We stop outside my house and she apologizes repeatedly, tells me again that it was a joke, and just doesn't really make things any better. She refuses to let me leave her car, she hugs on to me for a solid minute and tells me that I can't leave until I promise her that I won't tell my friend that I think she likes him. At this point I'm honestly kind of shaken to the point that I can't really say complete sentences, but I try to tell her that if she likes him then don't let me and my feelings get in the way, She absolutely refuses and tells me that I shouldn't blame myself and that if she were serious she would've gone after him from the beginning and that she would never want to hurt me since I'm a friend who always supports her. I can't really accept it as a prank, but I tell her that I'll try to promise her, but I can't guarantee anything.

She calls me not 2 minutes later to continue to say the same thing and try to reassure me that nobody will date anybody, and how she would never want to lose me as a friend for something like that. I don't really remember what I told her. I did text my friend about it and he says that he would never date her in a situation like that, and that we both understand it's a joke, but I honestly don't really feel as if she was joking in the beginning, and that she's just doing this to spare my feelings, as late an effort as that is at this point. She does plan on talking with me about it as soon as she can.

I don't really know if this fits in the thread, but I'm seriously kind of out of it by this whole situation and I just feel like sharing the story will help get some perspective from others and help me settle down a bit even if I do know I'll get over it, it still hurts.

Sorry for my long vent/rant/idk post.

She sounds like a bitch and not your friend honestly. Leave this situation. Run don't walk. Respect yourself cause if that is her idea of a joke she certainly doesn't respect you.

What is up with all these peoples "friends" who play "jokes" that don't have any hint of funny? Learn humour people.
 
She sounds like a bitch and not your friend honestly. Leave this situation. Run don't walk. Respect yourself cause if that is her idea of a joke she certainly doesn't respect you.

What is up with all these peoples "friends" who play "jokes" that don't have any hint of funny? Learn humour people.
Worst part is that we make mean spirited jokes with each other all the time, but nothing even close to this.
 
I don't really know if this fits in the thread, but I'm seriously kind of out of it by this whole situation and I just feel like sharing the story will help get some perspective from others and help me settle down a bit even if I do know I'll get over it, it still hurts.

Sorry for my long vent/rant/idk post.

Wow that's a horrible friend.. I would cut all ties with her. She seems like a loser to me.
 
Yeah. I wasn't really thinking straight. I was still shocked by the whole situation. Though to be fair I did know what he would say.
So, don't let people push you around again. That's probably the most important thing to get from it. Secondly, cut all contact with her and find new friends. She's not friends with you and is incredibly inconsiderate, why even out yourself through that? It's unnecessary and not something you should have to go through.
 
Quick bit of advice needed for someone.

So say you're messaging a guy, he says he's busy and they'll message over the weekend but then initiates messaging again himself later that night.

I'm going with that means he's into her, but it never hurts to get a wider opinion.
 
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