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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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I might have posted in here before but if I did I can't remember. It's late and I'm tired and feeling bummed out.

I've been single for a very long time (years) and content for almost all of it. But as I quickly approach 30 I'm starting to panic a bit.

It's not that I don't meet people. I'm extremely socially active - I go to friends places, bars, parties, dinner, shindigs, gatherings, hootenannys and whathaveyou. I make lots of friends, I talk to lots of people, but I never meet anyone.

I would wager that in the last 5 years there's been perhaps one woman I met who I actually found interesting, but she was in a long term relationship and is actually now married. It doesn't matter anymore - we're good friends and I'm long over that - but Im wondering what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of weird stagnant social bubble and I'm not sure how to escape it. How is it in all this time I haven't met a single romantic prospect?

And yes, I've tried the only dating thing on and off for years. Been on quite a few first dates but not a single second date. Nobody is the same in person as they are online - they're far more boring to be completely honest.

So uh yeah, I guess I'm open to advice.
 
I mean this without being rude--did he ask you for advice on this situation? If not, it's not really the best for you to butt into situations like this, it's something the two of them need to work out.

As for the situation itself, if she cannot understand that that amount of money is possible at this point, and they cannot get on the same page, then yeah, it's probably over. But that's something he's gonna have to work through and ultimately decide for himself.

No, he discussed it with me. I said to him that if she don't want to understand such things and can't live with him getting this much money, then I can't see them being together in the future.But it's like he don't want to understand it.
 
But isn't it kinda creepy just to ask someone out when you really barely know them? Like I know her from meeting with mutual friends and I've only talked to her like three times and I met her a week ago. I don't know, I just feel kinda weird if I asked her out now even though I want to.

(Age context: sophomore in college)

It's not creepy at all. Asking her out early like that shows confidence and assertiveness, plus it avoids ending up in any kind of "friend zone" (in quotation marks because I think it's a shitty term, but it gets the point across). She will probably be flattered even if she isn't interested. If you wait, it will actually make it more creepy (but still not really creepy) when you ask her out and it turns out you've been pining for her a long time but never said anything. Pretending to be someone's friend when you actually want something more is not a good idea and makes you look disingenuous.

It's not like asking out someone you've known a while never works, but I think it only really works well when the other person feels the same about you. Anyone can feel free to correct me on this though.
 
Had a second date with a girl I'm really into. Just really enjoy being around her.

Anyway the place we went to is mostly empty and we're sitting at the bar, just talking, having beers, watching the football game. The bartender is a little too friendly, talking with us a little too much for my liking. It's understandable because the place is pretty empty and he's just trying to be friendly so whatever. But he's teetering on the edge of flirting with her.

I'm just doing generally well on the date, she's laughing at almost everything I say, so I'm feeling pretty good.

The bill comes. Now, generally if I've enjoyed a date and I want to go out again, I'll pay. I paid on the first date and went to do it again, and she insisted that we split it. Fine, sure, not gonna make a thing about it. Bartender takes our cards and runs them, and when he comes back he goes "Geez you can't even buy the girl a few beers? What a gentleman! Just kidding just kidding blah blah blah". A group of other people near us, 2 guys and a girl, kind of laugh. My date kind of nervously laughs.

Really pissed me off and kinda threw me off for the rest of the night. Like, fuck you dude run the cards and shut the fuck up. Don't need your opinion on social conventions. It was a cheap shot.

Anyway I walked her home and we made out and we're going out again this week. But that's sticking in my mind because I'm not someone who lets embarrassment go very easily.
 
Anyway I walked her home and we made out and we're going out again this week. But that's sticking in my mind because I'm not someone who lets embarrassment go very easily.

I wouldn't worry too much. I do hope you left him a penny as a tip though. Y'know, for his thoughts.
 
Had a second date with a girl I'm really into. Just really enjoy being around her.

Anyway the place we went to is mostly empty and we're sitting at the bar, just talking, having beers, watching the football game. The bartender is a little too friendly, talking with us a little too much for my liking. It's understandable because the place is pretty empty and he's just trying to be friendly so whatever. But he's teetering on the edge of flirting with her.

I'm just doing generally well on the date, she's laughing at almost everything I say, so I'm feeling pretty good.

The bill comes. Now, generally if I've enjoyed a date and I want to go out again, I'll pay. I paid on the first date and went to do it again, and she insisted that we split it. Fine, sure, not gonna make a thing about it. Bartender takes our cards and runs them, and when he comes back he goes "Geez you can't even buy the girl a few beers? What a gentleman! Just kidding just kidding blah blah blah". A group of other people near us, 2 guys and a girl, kind of laugh. My date kind of nervously laughs.

Really pissed me off and kinda threw me off for the rest of the night. Like, fuck you dude run the cards and shut the fuck up. Don't need your opinion on social conventions. It was a cheap shot.

Anyway I walked her home and we made out and we're going out again this week. But that's sticking in my mind because I'm not someone who lets embarrassment go very easily.
You made out with her, so she likes you. Don't go to that place again. If I were you, I wouldn't talk about it with her. Embarrassment should worry you if it harms your relationship with that girl. As long as you made out, then I think everything's ok.
 
I might have posted in here before but if I did I can't remember. It's late and I'm tired and feeling bummed out.

I've been single for a very long time (years) and content for almost all of it. But as I quickly approach 30 I'm starting to panic a bit.

It's not that I don't meet people. I'm extremely socially active - I go to friends places, bars, parties, dinner, shindigs, gatherings, hootenannys and whathaveyou. I make lots of friends, I talk to lots of people, but I never meet anyone.

I would wager that in the last 5 years there's been perhaps one woman I met who I actually found interesting, but she was in a long term relationship and is actually now married. It doesn't matter anymore - we're good friends and I'm long over that - but Im wondering what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of weird stagnant social bubble and I'm not sure how to escape it. How is it in all this time I haven't met a single romantic prospect?

And yes, I've tried the only dating thing on and off for years. Been on quite a few first dates but not a single second date. Nobody is the same in person as they are online - they're far more boring to be completely honest.

So uh yeah, I guess I'm open to advice.

If you're happy, there's no reason to panic. There's no time limit that you must reach that signifies "If you don't have a girlfriend right now, you'll never have one, wizard!!!" or whatever. Just go with the flow.

That said, from the tone you've set in this post, maybe your standards a little high? Or maybe you're hanging out with a crowd that has overall different tastes from you, and that's why you haven't met anyone?

No, he discussed it with me. I said to him that if she don't want to understand such things and can't live with him getting this much money, then I can't see them being together in the future.But it's like he don't want to understand it.

Yes, I agree with your opinion fully. However, it can be really hard for people in the situation themselves to see the stuff that people "on the outside" can. He asked for your advice, you gave it, now you gotta let him work things out. If you try to keep asserting your opinion at this point, he's probably going to react with something like "oh you're forcing me away from the woman I love!!!" and strain your relationship with him. That might sound mean, or that you're leaving him high and dry, but at this point there's not much you can do other than be there for him when the (extremely likely) break-up happens.
 
I wouldn't worry too much. I do hope you left him a penny as a tip though. Y'know, for his thoughts.

Just gave him a normal tip and we left. Didn't want to make a big scene and call attention to the fact that he got to me.

You made out with her, so she likes you. Don't go to that place again. If I were you, I wouldn't talk about it with her. Embarrassment should worry you if it harms your relationship with that girl. As long as you made out, then I think everything's ok.

Agreed, I don't think it really mattered ultimately and I won't bring it up again. But man, what a cheap shot. Might as well come over and kick me in the balls.
 
I might have posted in here before but if I did I can't remember. It's late and I'm tired and feeling bummed out.

I've been single for a very long time (years) and content for almost all of it. But as I quickly approach 30 I'm starting to panic a bit.

It's not that I don't meet people. I'm extremely socially active - I go to friends places, bars, parties, dinner, shindigs, gatherings, hootenannys and whathaveyou. I make lots of friends, I talk to lots of people, but I never meet anyone.

I would wager that in the last 5 years there's been perhaps one woman I met who I actually found interesting, but she was in a long term relationship and is actually now married. It doesn't matter anymore - we're good friends and I'm long over that - but Im wondering what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of weird stagnant social bubble and I'm not sure how to escape it. How is it in all this time I haven't met a single romantic prospect?

And yes, I've tried the only dating thing on and off for years. Been on quite a few first dates but not a single second date. Nobody is the same in person as they are online - they're far more boring to be completely honest.

So uh yeah, I guess I'm open to advice.
You are just as boring as them, so quit acting superior and have fun with it.
 
Just gave him a normal tip and we left. Didn't want to make a big scene and call attention to the fact that he got to me.



Agreed, I don't think it really mattered ultimately and I won't bring it up again. But man, what a cheap shot. Might as well come over and kick me in the balls.

It was a cheap shot, but you don't have to think about it. Try to think something else that makes you happy. It might help.
 
I have a question. I've been on and off with this girl for 6 years. She recently moved back home after a 6 month stay in Hawaii. We have a connection, I believe it. She was depressed as hell the past 3 months, and I being me, would support her and push her forward. Telling her that she needs to be her true self, to find herself, to thrive. Now all of sudden she is hanging around other people (which is great), but now she's distant to me. I feel she is looking for flaws in me(which is fine). So the past week she didn't treat me with the respect I feel I deserve, so I decided in my head that this ISN'T what I want. Yesterday she called me 3 times, messaged me 10 times. I finally answered the phone and I was myself. I didn't care about a thing. She could of told me to fuck off and eat shit and it wouldn't phase me. So I started the convo with "you have been asshole to me and I don't want this negativity shit in my life, I want to be treated with the respect I deserve". Somehow that made her respect me. I don't get it. I don't want to play games with this girl, I'm not 17. I'm a grown ass man with a career and goals. What the fuck do I do? I don't like this flipy floppy shit.
 
I might have posted in here before but if I did I can't remember. It's late and I'm tired and feeling bummed out.

I've been single for a very long time (years) and content for almost all of it. But as I quickly approach 30 I'm starting to panic a bit.

It's not that I don't meet people. I'm extremely socially active - I go to friends places, bars, parties, dinner, shindigs, gatherings, hootenannys and whathaveyou. I make lots of friends, I talk to lots of people, but I never meet anyone.

I would wager that in the last 5 years there's been perhaps one woman I met who I actually found interesting, but she was in a long term relationship and is actually now married. It doesn't matter anymore - we're good friends and I'm long over that - but Im wondering what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of weird stagnant social bubble and I'm not sure how to escape it. How is it in all this time I haven't met a single romantic prospect?

And yes, I've tried the only dating thing on and off for years. Been on quite a few first dates but not a single second date. Nobody is the same in person as they are online - they're far more boring to be completely honest.

So uh yeah, I guess I'm open to advice.

you have to keep at it with the online dating, if you're going to bother with it at all.

I posted like a page back basically saying the same thing as you did, that a TON of my first dates were just really uninteresting and ultimately a waste of time. then last week I went on a date with a girl and really felt something click and now I'm really excited about where it might go.

you just have to keep at it and invest the time, because eventually you'll meet someone that you want to continue seeing.
 
I have a question. I've been on and off with this girl for 6 years. She recently moved back home after a 6 month stay in Hawaii. We have a connection, I believe it. She was depressed as hell the past 3 months, and I being me, would support her and push her forward. Telling her that she needs to be her true self, to find herself, to thrive. Now all of sudden she is hanging around other people (which is great), but now she's distant to me. I feel she is looking for flaws in me(which is fine). So the past week she didn't treat me with the respect I feel I deserve, so I decided in my head that this ISN'T what I want. Yesterday she called me 3 times, messaged me 10 times. I finally answered the phone and I was myself. I didn't care about a thing. She could of told me to fuck off and eat shit and it wouldn't phase me. So I started the convo with "you have been asshole to me and I don't want this negativity shit in my life, I want to be treated with the respect I deserve". Somehow that made her respect me. I don't get it. I don't want to play games with this girl, I'm not 17. I'm a grown ass man with a career and goals. What the fuck do I do? I don't like this flipy floppy shit.

Pretty sure you answered your own question. If you don't want to deal with that (and most don't), then break it off and don't talk to her anymore.
 
Hey guys, so I'm doing a little Monday morning quarterbacking here and could use some advice. I went to a winery for a Halloween party on Saturday. Of course there was a cute bartender there, we chatted about costumes, etc. Now my friend said I should have asked for her number because he felt she was paying more attention to me than the rest of our group. But I felt she was just being the typical "bartender friendly." I also feel weird asking for numbers in these types of situations, just because girls tending bar probably get hit on a lot. We both agreed that there definitely wasn't a flirty vibe from her, either, which is why I was hesitant.

But of course now that the moment has passed I'm replaying the situation and wondering if I made the right call. So I was just curious how often you guys attempt asking out people while they're working and how to really tell if they're just being friendly or actually think you're interesting.

Also, I liked the vibe of the winery and while I'm not a big wine person a few of their wines were actually pretty good. What kind of pretense is there to go to a winery just for fun? I know it's not like a bar type scene, but is it just for group wine-tastings or can you go there to just buy a bottle?
 
you have to keep at it with the online dating, if you're going to bother with it at all.

I posted like a page back basically saying the same thing as you did, that a TON of my first dates were just really uninteresting and ultimately a waste of time. then last week I went on a date with a girl and really felt something click and now I'm really excited about where it might go.

you just have to keep at it and invest the time, because eventually you'll meet someone that you want to continue seeing.


Thanks, I guess I just have to stick with it in terms of the online dating. I have just found the experience draining and frustrating but I guess thats necessary before you get to the good stuff.

I was hoping to hear there's other promising ways to meet people but I suppose online is where everything is headed these days.

If you're happy, there's no reason to panic. There's no time limit that you must reach that signifies "If you don't have a girlfriend right now, you'll never have one, wizard!!!" or whatever. Just go with the flow.

That said, from the tone you've set in this post, maybe your standards a little high? Or maybe you're hanging out with a crowd that has overall different tastes from you, and that's why you haven't met anyone?

I wouldnt necessarily say my standards are high, but I've made some compromises in the past that I wouldn't make again, so i do have some dealbreakers in place now (ie. Smoking is a no)
 
Pretty sure you answered your own question. If you don't want to deal with that (and most don't), then break it off and don't talk to her anymore.
I felt the same thing. It's letting go of hope and the what could be's that is hard. I got my seatbelt on so I'll be fine!
 
How about the trick where you condense the story down to the details that are actually relevant? Like, who cares that it was a coworker's DJ set?

I understand that you want to get it all out there, but if you're asking for advice, you should respect the reader's time.

a tl;dr would also work, right? here you go for everyone if they want to help.

tl;dr from earlier post: went out with buddy, wasn't trying to attract anyone after a breakup, me and one of the roommates starts hitting it off, we talk al night and play games. we end up sleeping in the same bed, kissing, cuddling. she jokingly tells me i can stay after she leaves when i tell her I'm still tired. i texted her the next day (today, Monday) good morning.

i think it's just a waiting game now. good thing i have class and work to keep my mind occupied
 
Well, yeah, I wasn't going to say that, I'm not that inexperienced haha. Alright, next time I see her, I'll ask her if she wants to go out for coffee/smoothies at the library.

If you want to date her, make sure you use the word date when you ask. Otherwise she could again think its just friends hanging out.

Again MAKE SURE YOU MAKE IT CLEAR ITS A DATE... if that's what you want.
 
If your girlfriend referred to one of her coworkers as her "work boyfriend", would this bother you? It annoys me and I want to make sure I'm not just being ridiculous.
 
If your girlfriend referred to one of her coworkers as her "work boyfriend", would this bother you? It annoys me and I want to make sure I'm not just being ridiculous.

Are they really close? I know a group of four girls and a guy that are super close tight friends, and they all call the guy their husband for jokes. Some of the girls have boyfriends of their own. Unless there's a dynamic like that, I'd probably be a bit annoyed too.
 
If your girlfriend referred to one of her coworkers as her "work boyfriend", would this bother you? It annoys me and I want to make sure I'm not just being ridiculous.

it's a pretty common term, but i don't think it's something the real boyfriend/girlfriend usually finds out about lol

it just means you're good friends at work and hang out in the office/at lunch or whatever. it's not romantic
 
Are they really close? I know a group of four girls and a guy that are super close tight friends, and they all call the guy their husband for jokes. Some of the girls have boyfriends of their own. Unless there's a dynamic like that, I'd probably be a bit annoyed too.

She has a group of about 3 people from work that have been close for a while but this guy is newer and just started hanging out with them recently. They have a group text that's always blowing up and the other night she was laughing about something he said to her. She showed it to me and one of her coworker has just sent "can you two just date already?" It's coming across as all jokes but it's still bothering me .
 
She has a group of about 3 people from work that have been close for a while but this guy is newer and just started hanging out with them recently. They have a group text that's always blowing up and the other night she was laughing about something he said to her. She showed it to me and one of her coworker has just sent "can you two just date already?" It's coming across as all jokes but it's still bothering me lol.

ok yeah that would piss me off big time
 
Ok, so fuck me.

Somehow she flipped a switch, and she's like texting hours apart with super short 3-5 word responses. So I ask "You ok?"

No response by the time I was going to bed, so I text her "Well I like you a lot, n that's all I'm saying" Which is corny, but that's me. She knows that lol.

This morning I hit her with Good morning like we've been doing for the past week or so, and no response again. So like 20 minutes ago, I go to check to see if she read my last text, and she texts me the absolute instant I open it. Didn't see the bubble typing even. So now it looks like I was staring at the fucking phone waiting for her to text me like a god damn wierdo.

She said "Hi"

I sent her three text in a row..

"Say fucking swear I just went to glance at this, and you text me. This is why I put read receipts off before. 😑"
"But regardless of that 😂 what's up?
"Ok so how is it possible for me to fuck this up over text any more. Make me a list I'm about to go in. 😂"

Someone fucking kill me, she hasn't responded yet. I'm gonna be under my desk cringing 😭😥😂
 
Ok, so fuck me.

Somehow she flipped a switch, and she's like texting hours apart with super short 3-5 word responses. So I ask "You ok?"

No response by the time I was going to bed, so I text her "Well I like you a lot, n that's all I'm saying" Which is corny, but that's me. She knows that lol.

This morning I hit her with Good morning like we've been doing for the past week or so, and no response again. So like 20 minutes ago, I go to check to see if she read my last text, and she texts me the absolute instant I open it. Didn't see the bubble typing even. So now it looks like I was staring at the fucking phone waiting for her to text me like a god damn wierdo.

She said "Hi"

I sent her three text in a row..





Someone fucking kill me, she hasn't responded yet. I'm gonna be under my desk cringing 😭😥😂

Meh, probably should've just let it go and not brought it up but it's fine. Not really that big a deal
 
Ok, so fuck me.

Somehow she flipped a switch, and she's like texting hours apart with super short 3-5 word responses. So I ask "You ok?"

No response by the time I was going to bed, so I text her "Well I like you a lot, n that's all I'm saying" Which is corny, but that's me. She knows that lol.

This morning I hit her with Good morning like we've been doing for the past week or so, and no response again. So like 20 minutes ago, I go to check to see if she read my last text, and she texts me the absolute instant I open it. Didn't see the bubble typing even. So now it looks like I was staring at the fucking phone waiting for her to text me like a god damn wierdo.

She said "Hi"

I sent her three text in a row..





Someone fucking kill me, she hasn't responded yet. I'm gonna be under my desk cringing 😭😥😂

Sounds like she's got something going on. Doubt she'd just totally flip the script if things have been going well. This is where it's tough to practice some self-control and back away from the phone for a bit.
 
Sounds like she's got something going on. Doubt she'd just totally flip the script if things have been going well. This is where it's tough to practice some self-control and back away from the phone for a bit.

Yeah I left her space, I text like 4 times yesterday. Just this clusterfuck that just happened.
 
ok yeah that would piss me off big time

Ok at least I'm not alone. And I wouldn't even say it pisses me of big time, I trust her and she's a big girl who can do what she wants but I'm just like..why lol? I'm not amused and don't need to know this crap.

Ok, so fuck me.


Someone fucking kill me, she hasn't responded yet. I'm gonna be under my desk cringing 😭😥😂

It's not the end of the world. Next time you don't get a response, just let it go. You don't know what she has going on and the last thing you want to be is annoying. If you don't hear back, wait a day or two and give her a call.
 
It's not the end of the world. Next time you don't get a response, just let it go. You don't know what she has going on and the last thing you want to be is annoying. If you don't hear back, wait a day or two and give her a call.

Yeah I'm planning on waiting at least a day if she doesn't text back positively from this one.
 
So a friend we were hanging out with the other day brought some drinks and left her a bottle of rum. She told me I should come over Sunday so the two of us can finish it together.

:] :] :]

Yeah I'm planning on waiting at least a day if she doesn't text back positively from this one.

This is the best move imo. She dropped the b word on you after all (lol), I don't think she'd just flip a switch like that.
 
These statements seem at odds, is that your definition of leaving space?

Considering the 3 weeks before have been like 50-100 texts per day.

It was more like

"What you up to"
-my response to that-
"You ok?"
"Well I like you a lot, n that's all I'm saying"
 
Considering the 3 weeks before have been like 50-100 texts.

It was more like

"What you up to"
-my response to that-
"You ok?"
"Well I like you a lot, n that's all I'm saying"

Last one was unnecessary imo but I wouldn't say you were overly pushy or anything.
 
Last one was unnecessary imo but I wouldn't say you were overly pushy or anything.

Yeah, It, paired with the fact that she said she was sick and bailed on me on Saturday had me in my head thinking too much. Should just chill. I have too much shit to do at work anyways to be constantly thinking about her like i'm a fucking teenager lol.
 
Yeah I left her space, I text like 4 times yesterday. Just this clusterfuck that just happened.

Hmmm...

Considering the 3 weeks before have been like 50-100 texts per day.

It was more like

"What you up to"
-my response to that-
"You ok?"
"Well I like you a lot, n that's all I'm saying"

Shit, that's like... a lot of texts, bro

I just wanted to stop and say I hate women.

Well aren't you just the shining example of positivity
 
So I think I've calmed down from yesterday and so can better articulate my fears.

This new girl I'm dating is all kinds of amazing but I'm a paranoid person and unlike my previous relationship she has had previous partners, which is to be expected. I think it's a struggle coz I know lots of her male-friends had or have a crush on her and she even had a drunken fling with one of her best friends who she still sees and talks about a lot. I know it's partly my own paranoia but I'm finding it hard not to worry about when she's alone with them (even though she thoroughly regrets it she couldnt bring herself to tell him it was a accident)
 
So I think I've calmed down from yesterday and so can better articulate my fears.

This new girl I'm dating is all kinds of amazing but I'm a paranoid person and unlike my previous relationship she has had previous partners, which is to be expected. I think it's a struggle coz I know lots of her male-friends had or have a crush on her and she even had a drunken fling with one of her best friends who she still sees and talks about a lot. I know it's partly my own paranoia but I'm finding it hard not to worry about when she's alone with them (even though she thoroughly regrets it she couldnt bring herself to tell him it was a accident)

Pretty much just gotta chill. If you cant just trust her you are destined to fail. Forget the "its hard" stuff. Just like don't even think about it. If she can't tell interested guys she is taken/not interested this isn't even going to work anyway. So dont even worry bout it.
 
Me too! :c

The good old waiting game...

texted her at 930 this morning, it's 10pm now, i don't think I'm getting a reply. my buddy and i agreed she maybe just told me to give her my number so it wasn't so awkward in the morning when i was leaving but i would've been fine leaving without it to be completely honest. not getting a text back is like giving me a blanket, i cover up with it and then you pull it off of me. i would have rather not had the blanket to begin with and stay cold

Yeah I guess I can count it as a win of some fashion.
you really should because you're already one step ahead of the curve (no pun intended)
 
Waiting game is why I recommended having multiple girls in those opening phases - having them staggered keeps the stress of waiting on one particular reply much lower.

Until you're serious about one of them, always be looking.
 
having multiple girls in that stage sounds so bad but it's true. why put all your eggs in one basket? it could get blown down by the wind and all of the eggs destroyed, now you have no eggs
 
having multiple girls in that stage sounds so bad but it's true. why put all your eggs in one basket? it could get blown down by the wind and all of the eggs destroyed, now you have no eggs

Why does it sound "so bad"? I can almost guarantee that any girl you're dating has multiple prospects.
 
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