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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
Today was weird.
Me and the girl I've been seeing (I need to figure out a nickname to call her by here) have been planning on going to the fair for weeks and it fell through. Honestly, I'm kind of upset, and I'm gonna talk to her about it later. This morning, the day we planned on going, she all of a sudden told me she had to be somewhere at 7:00. I finished class and met her at her place at 3:30.
Guys, I really like this girl a lot. She likes me. She says she does straight up. We have intimate moments together, we've kissed, we pretty much reached the point where we were dating without the label until about three weeks ago she told me she's been really stressed and wants to tone it down for a while. I personally set a deadline for myself to move on from this if there's no progress by the end of Winter Break in January. She's going to be here in town the whole time, we won't have schoolwork, and most of her friends are going to be gone home for the holiday so we'll probably be spending a lot of time together.
That's all well and good, but I'm not sure how much patience I have. I don't know what I'm doing. I want to be with her so fuckin bad but she believes deep down that if she doesn't give herself time to fully heal from her last breakup before really getting serious with me, that our relationship will end in a bust and she doesn't want that. Because that's happened in the past for her. So I'm waiting. I think she's worth waiting for, but it's still trying on me. I'm a really affectionate guy and not having an outlet for that gets really grating.
I found out this morning I failed my bio test. I'm stressed. I'm most likely going to fail the class if I don't have a miracle happen, I might get kicked out of my major, I'm fucking scared about where my life is going, if I pass this class do I even want to continue or just take the L and switch majors?? I'm failing Biology fucking I because the tests are fill in the blank with no word bank or clues at all, and I think I have what it takes to be a psychiatrist? What the fuck am I doing?
When I'm with her I can temporarily forget about that shit and just be happy, but having this brick wall staring me in the face is hard.
Today we got in the car and drove to the fairgrounds around 4. I've been extremely excited for this day for weeks. I had JUST found out that at 7 she's going to meet some girls from her church, but I tried not to let that disappointment show. She doesn't have many girl friends and she says having some time to be real and have girl talk is something she feels like she needs. We get to the fair and it's not even open - opens at 5. At that point we could have waited but we'd only have an hour or so, and she asked me what I wanted to do. I'm... visibly upset. Not mad, but I was stuttering and couldn't really think clearly, and it was pretty obvious I was extremely disappointed.
I understand, she told me that morning she was feeling sick, and I could tell something was off. I asked what was up and she said she just didn't feel well, I asked if it had anything to do with me and she immediately said no, not at all. So.
We went back to her place and watched the first two episodes of Master of None, since I really wanted her to watch that.
I dunno man. I'm bummed. This school shit has me really stressed and I wish things weren't so complicated with my love life. She apologizes a lot for making things complicated and I know she feels bad about it too. I wish she didn't.
This is a very venty post but I like this thread and some of you guys a lot, so I feel like it's the best outlet for me. Sorry haha. There's a lot going on and I feel really lethargic today, I know I'll look back on this and think it's stupid most likely.
Edit - P.S. We planned a while ago to take some shots and watch Netflix but when I asked if she still had the rum our mutual friend brought over it turned out her roommate drank it all over the weekend. That sucked
Me and the girl I've been seeing (I need to figure out a nickname to call her by here) have been planning on going to the fair for weeks and it fell through. Honestly, I'm kind of upset, and I'm gonna talk to her about it later. This morning, the day we planned on going, she all of a sudden told me she had to be somewhere at 7:00. I finished class and met her at her place at 3:30.
Guys, I really like this girl a lot. She likes me. She says she does straight up. We have intimate moments together, we've kissed, we pretty much reached the point where we were dating without the label until about three weeks ago she told me she's been really stressed and wants to tone it down for a while. I personally set a deadline for myself to move on from this if there's no progress by the end of Winter Break in January. She's going to be here in town the whole time, we won't have schoolwork, and most of her friends are going to be gone home for the holiday so we'll probably be spending a lot of time together.
That's all well and good, but I'm not sure how much patience I have. I don't know what I'm doing. I want to be with her so fuckin bad but she believes deep down that if she doesn't give herself time to fully heal from her last breakup before really getting serious with me, that our relationship will end in a bust and she doesn't want that. Because that's happened in the past for her. So I'm waiting. I think she's worth waiting for, but it's still trying on me. I'm a really affectionate guy and not having an outlet for that gets really grating.
I found out this morning I failed my bio test. I'm stressed. I'm most likely going to fail the class if I don't have a miracle happen, I might get kicked out of my major, I'm fucking scared about where my life is going, if I pass this class do I even want to continue or just take the L and switch majors?? I'm failing Biology fucking I because the tests are fill in the blank with no word bank or clues at all, and I think I have what it takes to be a psychiatrist? What the fuck am I doing?
When I'm with her I can temporarily forget about that shit and just be happy, but having this brick wall staring me in the face is hard.
Today we got in the car and drove to the fairgrounds around 4. I've been extremely excited for this day for weeks. I had JUST found out that at 7 she's going to meet some girls from her church, but I tried not to let that disappointment show. She doesn't have many girl friends and she says having some time to be real and have girl talk is something she feels like she needs. We get to the fair and it's not even open - opens at 5. At that point we could have waited but we'd only have an hour or so, and she asked me what I wanted to do. I'm... visibly upset. Not mad, but I was stuttering and couldn't really think clearly, and it was pretty obvious I was extremely disappointed.
I understand, she told me that morning she was feeling sick, and I could tell something was off. I asked what was up and she said she just didn't feel well, I asked if it had anything to do with me and she immediately said no, not at all. So.
We went back to her place and watched the first two episodes of Master of None, since I really wanted her to watch that.
I dunno man. I'm bummed. This school shit has me really stressed and I wish things weren't so complicated with my love life. She apologizes a lot for making things complicated and I know she feels bad about it too. I wish she didn't.
This is a very venty post but I like this thread and some of you guys a lot, so I feel like it's the best outlet for me. Sorry haha. There's a lot going on and I feel really lethargic today, I know I'll look back on this and think it's stupid most likely.
Edit - P.S. We planned a while ago to take some shots and watch Netflix but when I asked if she still had the rum our mutual friend brought over it turned out her roommate drank it all over the weekend. That sucked
Yeah. :/
I'm doing really well in all my other classes. Abnormal Psych, Child Psych, and Neurology I. Above average grades and all, understand the material, etc. It's just Bio that I can't get through my head for some reason. I'm trying my best but I guess I need to try harder.
luckyboyceo
Member
If she's legitimately interested in you, she'll make time for you. Period.
She doesn't want to date you. Forget about her and move on.
Sorry to hear, man. Keep your head up.
It sounds like, more than anything, you need to take a breather, man. You've clearly got a lot of stuff on your plate, between schoolwork and your relationship with your girl. I agree with the above post that you should be putting your schoolwork first. If you let that slip, you'll regret it regardless of how your relationship with her ends up.
As for her, let things play out the way that they do. If you feel like you're not getting enough from her, then cut your losses and move on. Waiting around for her to decide what she wants never works. You know what does? Forcing her hand by moving on. She'll have to decide pretty quickly whether or not she wants to be with you, and if nothing changes, then she never really wanted to be with you in the first place. With that said, I think her concern that she can't progress things with you until she's far enough removed from her ex is entirely valid, but if she's still singing the same tune come January, I think it's time to let this one go.
Messofanego
Banned
Forget the girl for now, dude, and focus on your studies. Having a career you want is more important than some girl who just came out of a breakup. Your studies require all your attention right now. Put your affection into that instead.
Failing a class is far from the end of the world. I've had shitty, shitty teachers and have had to drop classes because their teaching methods don't match up with my learning style. I almost failed an Economics class because the teacher was downright awful, and since my major's Accounting, that would have looked terrible (thankfully in my case we all reported the teacher to the dean because she clearly was terrible and she curved out grades up). But you can always retake the class with a different professor.
Although it wasn't aimed at me, I needed to see this somewhere, as much as it pains me (seemed like a great girl really clicked). Guess I need to stop moping around and move on! Sucks.
Roberto Larcos
Member
Don't worry man, that one gets easier with time.
Little vent, girl I recently met was ridiculously flakey, to the point that I just had to give up in the end. Radio silence and one missed date, messages me 2 days later saying she's sorry. Meet her a couple days after that - great, really cute, click really well - we arrange to meet again... and another radio silence cancellation. Told her that it's not fair to mess people around like that (in those words, I'm not a dramatic person).
/vent
InfiniteBento
Member
I made the decision to end my relationship and focus on myself because I felt like my needs weren't being met at all.
I feel like things will only get better from here. I felt so exhausted from having to always ask for promises to be kept or ask for the things I need in the relationship when the primary focus was always on him. He didn't take interest in my interests or even treat me like I meant something. I couldn't talk about my feelings or really even express myself without being belittled or being fed a bunch of bullshit. Every single time we argued or talked about things we both needed, he would make all these false promises and never change or grow from anything. It was always expected of me to grow to his needs but never the opposite.
I finally got fed up and demanded more respect for myself. I deserve way more than to be on someones backburner. I'm tired of giving 20000% for someone I love and getting not even a single percent of effort back in return. I'm worth more than this.
I feel like things will only get better from here. I felt so exhausted from having to always ask for promises to be kept or ask for the things I need in the relationship when the primary focus was always on him. He didn't take interest in my interests or even treat me like I meant something. I couldn't talk about my feelings or really even express myself without being belittled or being fed a bunch of bullshit. Every single time we argued or talked about things we both needed, he would make all these false promises and never change or grow from anything. It was always expected of me to grow to his needs but never the opposite.
I finally got fed up and demanded more respect for myself. I deserve way more than to be on someones backburner. I'm tired of giving 20000% for someone I love and getting not even a single percent of effort back in return. I'm worth more than this.
Yeah, I went to a city approx 2 hours away to see her twice, she asked me when I'd see her again just this weekend and now nothing for three days. Guess I'd like some acknowledgement and closure. Guess it's easier for her to not reply and put zero effort in than tell me what's up, luckily I have friends in the city that I saw around the same weekends and crashed at so all is not lost.
Thanks for the advice and kind words guys, it means a lot.
Definitely sounds like the right move, good job yo.
Definitely sounds like the right move, good job yo.
brickwalker0
Member
funny thing is, focusing on yourself and your needs even while in a relationship is a very good thing and makes you more attractive to the other person. i think most people (especially GAFers) know how to treat the other person with moderate respect but struggle when they put all their effort into focusing on someone else and expect the other person to meet their needs.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Sorry to hear about your breakup. Good luck improving yourself!
InfiniteBento
Member
It was frustrating because I was capable of working full time, plus be a student, and still take care of him. He couldn't cook for himself so if I didn't he wouldn't eat. He had zero clue how to take care of himself on his own so he frequently depended on me which was really unattractive and agitating. I hardly got space for myself or was able to express myself at all because it was always about him. I think I just need to stay away from dating for a while because when I date, i always end up dating dudes who can't get themselves together but have enough energy to point fingers at me if I don't powder their assholes all day.
Its really not that difficult to get yourself together and not be shitty at relationships but it feels like most people only do one or the other.
AdventureRacing
Member
I feel like whenever I see a post that long that the poster in question is over thinking things and as a by product over complicating things. It's hard to give a succinct reply to a post that long.
As to the poster waiting over a month for a date I think the writing was on the wall when that date was made. If a girl really wants to go out with you they will make the time. If someone is setting a date that far in advance that's a pretty sure sign they're not interested. Don't keep chasing after people who aren't reciprocating. Save your effort for people who are actually showing interest.
Surprised to hear this, from your other posts it seemed like things were going well. Sounds like you made the right decision though, you always have to put yourself first.
As to the poster waiting over a month for a date I think the writing was on the wall when that date was made. If a girl really wants to go out with you they will make the time. If someone is setting a date that far in advance that's a pretty sure sign they're not interested. Don't keep chasing after people who aren't reciprocating. Save your effort for people who are actually showing interest.
Surprised to hear this, from your other posts it seemed like things were going well. Sounds like you made the right decision though, you always have to put yourself first.
Glendemonium
Member
That stinks you were taken advantage of like that. Know too many dudes in relationships that refuse to pull their weight. Hope things turn around for you in the future.
brickwalker0
Member
whoops, assumed this was about a girl, edited my post accordingly.
yeah your mood will get a lot better as you start to focus on yourself and you'll have a much better idea of what you're looking for in a person so you can avoid people like that.
it wasn't until this past month that i realized what attracted me to all the women i had a relationship with were very flawed and i wanted to fix them. i had an unspoken contract with them that if i help them with their issues they would attend to my needs. that's not fair to either side.
well you definitely need to get it across that this is something that is very important to you without scaring her. and tell her that you don't want things to end, that you're willing to invest in the relationship long-term if she is.
kinda falls into what i was saying above: you can't fix her. she has to do it. don't offer to help her with specific problems but just tell her that you'll support her if its something you feel is good for her well-being.
maybe even explain to her that although it may not seem like it, she's going to be a lot happier doing things for herself and not being handed everything.
InfiniteBento
Member
Things were going well in a cosmetic sense. Internally, for a while, I was very unhappy. I stopped talking about it because It felt useless.
ZackieChan
Member
Time to take that trip to Seattle or Tokyo, my man. Do something nice for yourself!
Gotdatmoney
Member
From what I recall you have only known this girl for some weeks/month or so and only seen her in person once? Discussion about how she lives her life and how you would deal with her in the future are fucking weird if the timeline is as I described. A 19 year old still being dependent on their parents is not odd man. I'm a bit older than you and do you know how many of my friends and smart people I went to school with are still trying to get themselves established? You need to chill a bit on this man.
If you ainy gonna break it off then leave it alone. But as a 21 year old, you seem to have a mighty accelerated idea of what one can reasonably accomplish/where you motivations will lie in the future. If this was the US you would just be legal drinking age. If this was Canada, your girl would just be legal drinking age. Cultural differences I get to an extent but this is way intense imo.
Ok so I got a girl's number yesterday, but it was sort of just a friendly exchange so we can keep in touch. I wanted to be more direct in asking her out but we were in a group of people when she left haha.
So I want to invite her to grab a drink this weekend, should I do it over text or should I give her a call given that I haven't really shown interest in dating her in person yet? Also should I first see if if she's interested before asking her about a specific place/time? Yeah I'm pretty rusty at this haha
So I want to invite her to grab a drink this weekend, should I do it over text or should I give her a call given that I haven't really shown interest in dating her in person yet? Also should I first see if if she's interested before asking her about a specific place/time? Yeah I'm pretty rusty at this haha
Assuming the girl is half-decent looking, she probably gets text regularly from other thirsty guys. One can stand from the crowd by being the one who calls.
Interface23
Member
Ugh, she calls me and sometimes she acts super pissed and other times she acts like we are still together. I know in my brain I should go NC but my heart is like no bro you can fix this.
And there are some people that dislike talking on the phone.
Maybe you should block her number.
I'm part of the texting team. Contrary to popular belief, women don't get hit up all the time by random dudes 24/7, unless they're on online dating sites.
Could you clarify the timeline a bit? How old are you two now? How often have you actually seen this girl? How long have you two been dating? Did you really just say she sleeps 22 hours straight?
There's a lot that need to be answered here.
Interface23
Member
I just thought and it's stupid that if I work on me while being just her friend and not interfering that she'd realize eventually why she initially loved me and that she's making a dumb decision but I'm not entirely sure.... And to clarify this is only my second relationship really as my other one lasted from 14-19
Well, I think you realize by now that that wasn't the best decision. I think. Honestly that post was a little hard to understand. So my whole "blocking" point still stands
You can still do it now, of course.Also, the number of relationships you've been in isn't relevant.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Being as nice as possible . . .this is silly. She isn't gonna relove you son. Move the fuck on, delete the number.
Seem to be hitting it off with a girl on Tinder. Got the ball rolling through text pretty quick, fast replies from her so the conversation was fun, after like ten minutes I asked for her number and she said "You're lucky, I don't normally give out my number-".
Asked if she wanted to get coffee tomorrow but she said that was a bad day and to ask again this weekend. She seems interesting (theater director/actress, good taste in music) and is pretty hot so that'll be cool I hope.
Asked if she wanted to get coffee tomorrow but she said that was a bad day and to ask again this weekend. She seems interesting (theater director/actress, good taste in music) and is pretty hot so that'll be cool I hope.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Bento, I feel you there. My ex was very similar. Couldn't look after himself. Blamed everyone else for his problems. Depended on me for everything yet never gave anything back. You're much better off without that negativity.
On a side note I have recently started something with this guy I've known for a few years. Things are going well so far. He's sweet. We'll see what happens here.
On a side note I have recently started something with this guy I've known for a few years. Things are going well so far. He's sweet. We'll see what happens here.
ZackieChan
Member
I hate getting calls. She probably does too. Texting is how people communicate these days. Just a few texts to make small talk and set up a date is all that's needed. Do your real work in person. You want to have a lot to chat about on the date, not on the phone beforehand.
Also, I'm a "pussy" for texting? Naw son.
At least I realized that Serial was real...
Interface23
Member
Yea I know, I just figured we were friends before we dated and if we went back to that and I tried to make myself awesome for myself that she'd be like "oh shit" but everyday since I realize more and more that it won't happen so yea, naivety on my end.
Trust me fam I've been there and that is not good for you at aaaaaallllll
AdventureRacing
Member
I think the text vs call thing is a personal choice. My GF prefers calls although that probably depends on who is calling. All my other friends prefer texts. The thing with a call is that you're somewhat pressured to respond immediately and a lot of people don't like it. I also think you run the risk of having awkward silences early in the dating piece which is disastrous IMO. That plus I see it leading to the usual thing of talking too much without actually seeing each other face to face. Save that for when you actually meet up.
The big thing for me is this. I find the people who prefer to be called don't mind being texted. Whereas the people who like to be texted will actually be put off by you calling. I think it's a safer bet to go with texting.
So you have literally only seen her face to face for like 2-3 days? Personally it seems like you're expecting way too much to early. The problem is you have invested way too much into this relationship to early. You're talking about your long term future together when you have just started dating. You also have pretty high expectations of where someone's life should be at 19. I think it's unhealthy for a relationship to be so uneven in terms or expectations and I'm not sure how that will work out.
The big thing for me is this. I find the people who prefer to be called don't mind being texted. Whereas the people who like to be texted will actually be put off by you calling. I think it's a safer bet to go with texting.
So you have literally only seen her face to face for like 2-3 days? Personally it seems like you're expecting way too much to early. The problem is you have invested way too much into this relationship to early. You're talking about your long term future together when you have just started dating. You also have pretty high expectations of where someone's life should be at 19. I think it's unhealthy for a relationship to be so uneven in terms or expectations and I'm not sure how that will work out.
Thanks everyone for your replies on the long-distance thing I'm dealing with. I got all of your points, just take it easy. I'm overcomplicating things, will make an effort to lay low and not get that involved such early on. Thanks everyone for their replies!
I'll let her do her thing and I'll do mine for the time being. I'll support her if she wants me to but I won't tell her to do anything in particular. Thanks for helping me out! This is my first time relationship that doesn't have a hookup/open relationship context, so I guess I'm just scared it's new to me.
I'll let her do her thing and I'll do mine for the time being. I'll support her if she wants me to but I won't tell her to do anything in particular. Thanks for helping me out! This is my first time relationship that doesn't have a hookup/open relationship context, so I guess I'm just scared it's new to me.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Lol never mind I'll figure it out
ZackieChan
Member
Why are you over thinking this? Just tell her you think she is sexy. Did you stop sexy-time to ask GAF?
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Lol no I was just thinking about it. After I asked I realized it was dumb as shit haha
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Seriously...
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I don't like you Zaraki Kenpachi. Don't know what it is lol
Probably the only poster on here that I can say that about 😂😂
I thought about it for like 2 seconds and my instinct nowadays is post on gaf for whatever reason. I should keep things to myself more often.
Darren870
Member
I don't post in this thread, or really read it much to be honest, but since I'm stuck on a call for work and bored I decided too.
Anyways, I know you are still young but you should 100% focus on yourself and not deal with anyone that isn't remotely capable of carrying themselves. I wish I knew that when I was in my early 20's. Its amazing how you can work so hard, do so much in a relationship and wanting to come home to some kind of support but get nothing you need. Obviously relationships go both ways, but if one can't support the other then whats the point. Your suppose to pick each other up when your down, and help each other when needed.
I know that feeling of having to take care of someone, and its draining. Especially after you are trying to better yourself and change and uproot your life. Put yourself first, especially when you're young. If you start having to bend over for someone pre 30's it probably won't work in the long run.
Anyways, best of luck. If that rambling makes any sense.
Back to work...
toadsworth
Banned
So, my girlfriend is a muslim and I'm not. We've been dating and we're pretty great together. We've been together about 2 years now and had our ups and downs. Currently doing the long distance thing (only about 250 miles away) and still manage to see each other pretty often. She's about to graduate and I would love to live with her, to take that next step. But we can't do that. I've only met her siblings, never met her parents. They would never approve, they wouldn't even approve of her dating a muslim man. They think dating is wrong and people should only be together if they're married. Up to this point I've ignored it but we've had more conversations about it recently and it fucking sucks, I have no idea what to do.
Former Muslim here, yo.
Sucks. Yeah. lol.
Best I can tell you is that if you want to live together and her parents know about it, you're probably gonna need to get married. I had a cousin who got pretty much disowned by the family because he married an American girl and had a wedlock baby. Either that or just carry on with where you're at now as long as you can without her parents knowing about you until you know for sure whether you want to get engaged or just call the whole thing off.
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