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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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i started up tinder and okcupid last week for the first time in my adult life. I have been on 2 dates and have 3 more lined up before monday.

This is fun, but ill have to watch my money. Thankfully just talking over drinks is pretty cheap compared to a movie and dinner and drinks that i used to go on with my gf before she moved.
 
Darren870 said:
I don't post in this thread, or really read it much to be honest, but since I'm stuck on a call for work and bored I decided too.

Anyways, I know you are still young but you should 100% focus on yourself and not deal with anyone that isn't remotely capable of carrying themselves. I wish I knew that when I was in my early 20's. Its amazing how you can work so hard, do so much in a relationship and wanting to come home to some kind of support but get nothing you need. Obviously relationships go both ways, but if one can't support the other then whats the point. Your suppose to pick each other up when your down, and help each other when needed.

I know that feeling of having to take care of someone, and its draining. Especially after you are trying to better yourself and change and uproot your life. Put yourself first, especially when you're young. If you start having to bend over for someone pre 30's it probably won't work in the long run.

Anyways, best of luck. If that rambling makes any sense.

Back to work...
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Thanks. It feels good knowing I made the right decision. The only agitating part of this break up right now is that people I thought were my friends are making it extremely evident that they weren't my friends at all.

My ex always has this great ability to keep all his dark secrets and mishaps from everyone so they think he is the brightest crayon in the box while viewing me as literal Satan. Like how dare I hurt someone just so fantastic since I'm just so shitty.

Talk about infuriating. The opinions of other people mattered far more while we were dating than any of my feelings and even now the break up reeks of the same.
 
InfiniteBento said:
Thanks. It feels good knowing I made the right decision. The only agitating part of this break up right now is that people I thought were my friends are making it extremely evident that they weren't my friends at all.

My ex always has this great ability to keep all his dark secrets and mishaps from everyone so they think he is the brightest crayon in the box while viewing me as literal Satan. Like how dare I hurt someone just so fantastic since I'm just so shitty.

Talk about infuriating. The opinions of other people mattered far more while we were dating than any of my feelings and even now the break up reeks of the same.
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Ugh yeah I had to deal with something similar during my breakup with my ex last year. A lot of people took a heel-turn from "oh you're so nice/[positive statement]" to essentially being a terrible person that ruined someone's life (even though I didn't even initiate the break up??). It was quite... painful, to say the least, but eventually they ignored me and shit so I could start moving forward. But just be happy that petty toxic people aren't in your life anymore :D
 
InfiniteBento said:
Thanks. It feels good knowing I made the right decision. The only agitating part of this break up right now is that people I thought were my friends are making it extremely evident that they weren't my friends at all.

My ex always has this great ability to keep all his dark secrets and mishaps from everyone so they think he is the brightest crayon in the box while viewing me as literal Satan. Like how dare I hurt someone just so fantastic since I'm just so shitty.

Talk about infuriating. The opinions of other people mattered far more while we were dating than any of my feelings and even now the break up reeks of the same.
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This is really shitty. Having mutual friends in general makes breakups even worse, it sucks. There's this one guy I know who just happens to be a really popular dude and introduced me to a lot of people - butterfly effect on that actually led me to the girl I've been talking about on here for the past three months (lol). Few months ago he broke up with his gf of two years after he had already introduced me and my other friends to her and we had all partied together. Now whenever we set up a get together we have to choose between them and it sucks ass because I really like them both, and on top of that she's pretty shy and was scared of losing friends because of the breakup.

Shit happens I guess, sounds like those friends didn't value you all that much, and that's on them. Just see it as a good refresh to get rid of clutter in your life.
 
InfiniteBento said:
Thanks. It feels good knowing I made the right decision. The only agitating part of this break up right now is that people I thought were my friends are making it extremely evident that they weren't my friends at all.

My ex always has this great ability to keep all his dark secrets and mishaps from everyone so they think he is the brightest crayon in the box while viewing me as literal Satan. Like how dare I hurt someone just so fantastic since I'm just so shitty.

Talk about infuriating. The opinions of other people mattered far more while we were dating than any of my feelings and even now the break up reeks of the same.
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Consider this a favor they are doing you by revealing their true face.

If they like him so much, they should date/marry him. Not your problem anymore
 
quick question:

There is this girl on my campus who I find to be very attractive, I don't have any classes with her, I have no mutual friends (as far as I know), but I see her walking around often. I want to approach her, but don't want to come off as some sleazy pick up artist or some shit. How do I go about doing this? Should I even do it? If I do, just tell her I find her attractive and want to invite her for coffee?
 
Vaudeville Villain said:
quick question:

There is this girl on my campus who I find to be very attractive, I don't have any classes with her, I have no mutual friends (as far as I know), but I see her walking around often. I want to approach her, but don't want to come off as some sleazy pick up artist or some shit. How do I go about doing this? Should I even do it? If I do, just tell her I find her attractive and want to invite her for coffee?
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Yes. I personally find I get the best results when it comes to dating when I am upfront about my intentions from the start.

(Might want to talk to her at least a few minutes before asking her out though).
 
Vaudeville Villain said:
quick question:

There is this girl on my campus who I find to be very attractive, I don't have any classes with her, I have no mutual friends (as far as I know), but I see her walking around often. I want to approach her, but don't want to come off as some sleazy pick up artist or some shit. How do I go about doing this? Should I even do it? If I do, just tell her I find her attractive and want to invite her for coffee?
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I'd go in with coffee before saying she is attractive first. Sometimes that can be objectifying or come off in the wrong light. Just my opinion tho.
 
I have to respectfully disagree. It doesn't have to be the first thing out of his mouth but he has to make his intentions known pretty early. There are ways to do this without being an objectifying jerk. Also she (and every other girl) pretty much knows why some random guy would go up to talk to her anyway.

That said, it probably isn't a dealbreaker if he waits until the "date" to say it. As long as he doesn't do anything ridiculous like be her friend for several months before making any sort of move.
 
Hmm, yeah, I can probably approach her and do small talk for a good 5-10 mins, afterwards end with a quick, "I find you cool and attractive, let's get coffee," type statement. That should be good, no? It's making my intentions clear yet at the same time I'm not coming off as objectifying. I don't think so at least :P
 
It's amazing how much of this thread consists of overthinking instead of action (not pointing any fingers, I'm just as guilty as anyone). It really isn't such a huge deal what you say...
 
GK86 said:
Have you spoken to her before? If not, then how can you find her to be cool?
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Yeah that's true, but I meant off the 5-10 min convo I'll theoretically have with her. She might be cool, or she might not be. I'm just trying to determine the best way to ask her out without being objectifying.
 
Vaudeville Villain said:
Yeah that's true, but I meant off the 5-10 min convo I'll theoretically have with her. She might be cool, or she might not be. I'm just trying to determine the best way to ask her out without being objectifying.
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This is not aimed solely at you, but some of you guys need to stop imagining these scenarios in your head. Just talk to them. Let the conversation flow.
 
InfiniteBento said:
Thanks. It feels good knowing I made the right decision. The only agitating part of this break up right now is that people I thought were my friends are making it extremely evident that they weren't my friends at all.

My ex always has this great ability to keep all his dark secrets and mishaps from everyone so they think he is the brightest crayon in the box while viewing me as literal Satan. Like how dare I hurt someone just so fantastic since I'm just so shitty.

Talk about infuriating. The opinions of other people mattered far more while we were dating than any of my feelings and even now the break up reeks of the same.
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People come out of no where, to state an opinion and tell you what you are doing is wrong. This goes even past relationships, and into just doing something different or outside the norm. I'm sure you've been told what you were doing was crazy or wrong in other aspects of your life. Life is about being happy and taking risks to get to that point. Don't listen to the negativity of others, it will drag you down.

I know if I had I would still be sitting in Rhode Island and miserable with my life, job and everything else I didn't have going for me. I've never been happier and every time I do something a bit different or take a risk, I get backlash from people. I just close my ears, keep on smiling and being happy where I am in my life.
 
I was wondering if this was a guy thing or not, have any of you lot experienced this:

I've always been a guy who fantasized about having an absolutely gorgeous, thin, perfect girl that I'd be proud to show off to everyone. My current gf now is a real sweetheart, smart, we get along and I like being with her, but she's not that stunner, she's girl-next-door cute but she doesn't take of herself as much as she could. A large part of me still yearns for that perfect, dream girl.

Every time I'm outside and I see a gorgeous girl, I get a bit annoyed that I'm tied down in a relationship and sometimes I feel like, I'm only 22 once, I need to take advantage of being young and play the field.

Anyway, my question is for the guys that have a gf, do you still look and want other girls? Or am I a massive dickhead.
 
tass0 said:
I was wondering if this was a guy thing or not, have any of you lot experienced this:

I've always been a guy who fantasized about having an absolutely gorgeous, thin, perfect girl that I'd be proud to show off to everyone. My current gf now is a real sweetheart, smart, we get along and I like being with her, but she's not that stunner, she's girl-next-door cute but she doesn't take of herself as much as she could. A large part of me still yearns for that perfect, dream girl.

Every time I'm outside and I see a gorgeous girl, I get a bit annoyed that I'm tied down in a relationship and sometimes I feel like, I'm only 22 once, I need to take advantage of being young and play the field.

Anyway, my question is for the guys that have a gf, do you still look and want other girls? Or am I a massive dickhead.
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You sound like a douche. It's common to look at others and say wow she's hot but to actually get mad you're "stuck" with your current gf is crappy. It sounds like all you think someone brings to the table is their looks, I'd just break up with your gf if I were you.
 
tass0 said:
I was wondering if this was a guy thing or not, have any of you lot experienced this:

I've always been a guy who fantasized about having an absolutely gorgeous, thin, perfect girl that I'd be proud to show off to everyone. My current gf now is a real sweetheart, smart, we get along and I like being with her, but she's not that stunner, she's girl-next-door cute but she doesn't take of herself as much as she could. A large part of me still yearns for that perfect, dream girl.

Every time I'm outside and I see a gorgeous girl, I get a bit annoyed that I'm tied down in a relationship and sometimes I feel like, I'm only 22 once, I need to take advantage of being young and play the field.

Anyway, my question is for the guys that have a gf, do you still look and want other girls? Or am I a massive dickhead.
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How do you look? What would you rate yourself?
 
tass0 said:
I was wondering if this was a guy thing or not, have any of you lot experienced this:

I've always been a guy who fantasized about having an absolutely gorgeous, thin, perfect girl that I'd be proud to show off to everyone. My current gf now is a real sweetheart, smart, we get along and I like being with her, but she's not that stunner, she's girl-next-door cute but she doesn't take of herself as much as she could. A large part of me still yearns for that perfect, dream girl.

Every time I'm outside and I see a gorgeous girl, I get a bit annoyed that I'm tied down in a relationship and sometimes I feel like, I'm only 22 once, I need to take advantage of being young and play the field.

Anyway, my question is for the guys that have a gf, do you still look and want other girls? Or am I a massive dickhead.
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Sure I imagine most guys can look at girls and say to themselves that they're hot. But you need to ask yourself why you are with your current girlfriend. Is it because of her looks, or is it because of her personality - that she likes you and you like her? If it's the former then you need to re-evaluate your views on relationships in my opinion. If it's the latter then think about it, you don't know what kind of personality these hot girls have. They might be insufferable. You know your gf isn't insufferable, you even like her (I assume since you're in a relationship with her). Why throw away what you enjoy a lot (again, I assume) for something uncertain? The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Personally, when I was in my only (very brief) relationship, I found myself looking at "objectively" hot girls and thinking to myself that going after them would never be worth it because I liked my gf so much. And she wasn't super hot by any stretch, but she was beautiful in my eyes.
 
Jokab said:
Sure I imagine most guys can look at girls and say to themselves that they're hot. But you need to ask yourself why you are with your current girlfriend. Is it because of her looks, or is it because of her personality - that she likes you and you like her? If it's the former then you need to re-evaluate your views on relationships in my opinion. If it's the latter then think about it, you don't know what kind of personality these hot girls have. They might be insufferable. You know your gf isn't insufferable, you even like her (I assume since you're in a relationship with her). Why throw away what you enjoy a lot (again, I assume) for something uncertain? The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Personally, when I was in my only (very brief) relationship, I found myself looking at "objectively" hot girls and thinking to myself that going after them would never be worth it because I liked my gf so much. And she wasn't super hot by any stretch, but she was beautiful in my eyes.
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Well I'm not going to break up with her for this, or cheat on her or anything like that. It's just the desire when you see a really good looking girl, I guess. My gf is a great girl, I like her, and I'd never act upon something like that or anything that would hurt her, while I'm with her. Just going to keep it going until we aren't enjoying each other anymore.

Woody Invincible said:
How do you look? What would you rate yourself?
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I'm a fairly decent looking dude, I suppose.

The main question really just was: "Do guys look and sometimes think about other girls while in a relationship?".
 
tass0 said:
Well I'm not going to break up with her for this, or cheat on her or anything like that. It's just the desire when you see a really good looking girl, I guess. My gf is a great girl, I like her, and I'd never act upon something like that or anything that would hurt her, while I'm with her. Just going to keep it going until we aren't enjoying each other anymore.



I'm a fairly decent looking dude, I suppose.

The main question really just was: "Do guys look and sometimes think about other girls while in a relationship?".
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I'm a woman, but no I generally do not. Sometimes if I see a guy who is smoking hot I'll take notice (especially if he has a good beard) but it never goes beyond appreciating their looks. I love my bf and wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone else, so I never fantasise about any hot guys I see.
 
tass0 said:
The main question really just was: "Do guys look and sometimes think about other girls while in a relationship?".
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I think it's natural for guys to check out other women and think about them but I would never enact upon my feelings since I'm happily married.
 
Pro tip, the next time a potential date asks you if you had a previous attraction to a particular ethnicity in the past when you were young and dumb and no longer do, just tell her you never did. Honesty isn't always the best policy.

It's still bugging me. Wish she'd just tell me I was too ugly or too poor or something.
 
Kopite said:
Pro tip, the next time a potential date asks you if you had a previous attraction to a particular ethnicity in the past when you were young and dumb and no longer do, just tell her you never did. Honesty isn't always the best policy.

It's still bugging me. Wish she'd just tell me I was too ugly or too poor or something.
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There are definitely trap questions that you take to your grave.
My first date is tonight. Gonna drink my Red Stripe (fuck the nasty local brew) and own that awkward silence.
 
Cool Guy Sami said:
Former Muslim here, yo.

Sucks. Yeah. lol.

Best I can tell you is that if you want to live together and her parents know about it, you're probably gonna need to get married. I had a cousin who got pretty much disowned by the family because he married an American girl and had a wedlock baby. Either that or just carry on with where you're at now as long as you can without her parents knowing about you until you know for sure whether you want to get engaged or just call the whole thing off.
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That's what I figured. : /

Thanks! I guess we'll just see where it goes...
 
Once. Twice max if it's an exceptional situation.

If you haven't gotten a positive answer by then, you already have your answer. This isn't some RPG where you make them fall in love with them by adding more neediness coins.
 
I go with the two limit as well. And usually only ask twice if she tells me she can't the first time because prior plans/work/etc.
 
ZackieChan said:
Also, if you're going to go the "attractive" route, I'd compliment something specific rather than just say "I think you're attractive." If their hair or some accessory they're wearing looks cute, tell them. You get the idea.

Ladies, am I on the right track here?
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Yeah, that's probably better. A couple weeks ago a random guy said I was beautiful and I thought he was coming on strong, but I've had random people compliment, like... my glasses or my shirt and essentially say the same thing ("you're pretty") and it just comes off better.

Llyranor said:
Once. Twice max if it's an exceptional situation.

If you haven't gotten a positive answer by then, you already have your answer. This isn't some RPG where you make them fall in love with them by adding more neediness coins.
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But I gave her 500 flowers! D:
 
Miroku129 said:
How many times can I invite a girl for a date before looking as a needy?
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Normal girl 1-2. Introverted (usually girls with anxiety) , it can be a couple more. Depends a lot.


tass0 said:
I was wondering if this was a guy thing or not, have any of you lot experienced this:

I've always been a guy who fantasized about having an absolutely gorgeous, thin, perfect girl that I'd be proud to show off to everyone. My current gf now is a real sweetheart, smart, we get along and I like being with her, but she's not that stunner, she's girl-next-door cute but she doesn't take of herself as much as she could. A large part of me still yearns for that perfect, dream girl.

Every time I'm outside and I see a gorgeous girl, I get a bit annoyed that I'm tied down in a relationship and sometimes I feel like, I'm only 22 once, I need to take advantage of being young and play the field.

Anyway, my question is for the guys that have a gf, do you still look and want other girls? Or am I a massive dickhead.
Click to expand...


You should date people you like. If you like a person mostly based on how she looks then you should pursue that. Yes , i fantasized a lot with other women. Actually i usually fantasized of having more partners when in relationships than when I'm single. But I never really wanted to stop seeing a girl I'm with just for the sake of looking at an hot woman.

If you want to look around , break up. Don't use the girl as some kind of security for yourself. When you start to think about someone else , usually that relationship is done.
 
tass0 said:
I was wondering if this was a guy thing or not, have any of you lot experienced this:

I've always been a guy who fantasized about having an absolutely gorgeous, thin, perfect girl that I'd be proud to show off to everyone. My current gf now is a real sweetheart, smart, we get along and I like being with her, but she's not that stunner, she's girl-next-door cute but she doesn't take of herself as much as she could. A large part of me still yearns for that perfect, dream girl.

Every time I'm outside and I see a gorgeous girl, I get a bit annoyed that I'm tied down in a relationship and sometimes I feel like, I'm only 22 once, I need to take advantage of being young and play the field.

Anyway, my question is for the guys that have a gf, do you still look and want other girls? Or am I a massive dickhead.
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If you are even pondering what it would be like to be with other people, break up with her because that's a complete dick move imo.

You are allowed to be attracted to people because we are all human but to so elaborately think about it and crave that "perfect girl" means you are wasting the time of your current girlfriend. She wont live up to your expectations or ideas. She is herself and if that's not enough then you should let her go.
 
tass0 said:
I was wondering if this was a guy thing or not, have any of you lot experienced this:

I've always been a guy who fantasized about having an absolutely gorgeous, thin, perfect girl that I'd be proud to show off to everyone. My current gf now is a real sweetheart, smart, we get along and I like being with her, but she's not that stunner, she's girl-next-door cute but she doesn't take of herself as much as she could. A large part of me still yearns for that perfect, dream girl.

Every time I'm outside and I see a gorgeous girl, I get a bit annoyed that I'm tied down in a relationship and sometimes I feel like, I'm only 22 once, I need to take advantage of being young and play the field.

Anyway, my question is for the guys that have a gf, do you still look and want other girls? Or am I a massive dickhead.
Click to expand...

I think your post answered your own question.
 
tass0 said:
Alright thanks for your two cents, guys.
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People are being way too harsh on you. It'slike having cold feet or second thoughts is now a bad thing. If you are happy in your relationship I suggest you dontget caught up in grass is greener stuff. But if looks aren't cutting it for you I would not settle.
 
Ray Wonder said:
I'm sorry for saying I don't like you. I'm sure you have some redeeming qualities that I've failed to notice.

Would you like to start over from scratch and see where it goes from there? ☺😊
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Do you guys have personal beef or some shit? I like you man but what the hell
 
Vaudeville Villain said:
quick question:

There is this girl on my campus who I find to be very attractive, I don't have any classes with her, I have no mutual friends (as far as I know), but I see her walking around often. I want to approach her, but don't want to come off as some sleazy pick up artist or some shit. How do I go about doing this? Should I even do it? If I do, just tell her I find her attractive and want to invite her for coffee?
Click to expand...

If you think like this you'll never be able to make a first move, and even if you do it this problem will present itself over and over and over. You don't have to feel bad about liking her because she is pretty, that is not objectification.
If you constantly bother about what people might consider inappropriate you'll loose your sanity. It will be sufficient for someone to tell that whatever you are doing is wrong and it will stop you in your tracks.
I understand that social norms are an obscure, vague topic but you can't depend on other people standards when it comes to intimacy and connection.

tass0 said:
I was wondering if this was a guy thing or not, have any of you lot experienced this:

I've always been a guy who fantasized about having an absolutely gorgeous, thin, perfect girl that I'd be proud to show off to everyone. My current gf now is a real sweetheart, smart, we get along and I like being with her, but she's not that stunner, she's girl-next-door cute but she doesn't take of herself as much as she could. A large part of me still yearns for that perfect, dream girl.

Every time I'm outside and I see a gorgeous girl, I get a bit annoyed that I'm tied down in a relationship and sometimes I feel like, I'm only 22 once, I need to take advantage of being young and play the field.

Anyway, my question is for the guys that have a gf, do you still look and want other girls? Or am I a massive dickhead.
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You are not but if you feel this way, just leave her.
I mean: what if your girlfriend thinks the same about you? "He's not that attractive but he is nice, he's better than nothing". Wouldn't that piss you off/ hurt you?
 
Remember when this thread was about dating advice?

Good times.

In an effort to try and get things back on track, how do you guys deal with differences in religion/political standings?

In the early stages of dating.
 
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