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[dreamcastmaster]

The first time is always difficult. As gaiages said, just pop out for an hour or two. Get over that initial fear and it'll feel more natural the next time and you'll gain more confidence too.

Too much of a stigma around going out alone. Causes some people to just stay in and that leads to its own problems....

I mastered going out alone a few years ago (over a decade now), desperate times called for desperate measures. It was somewhat successful on occasion, but 100% more successful than staying in alone as all my friends had settled down.

This is the system that worked for me in clubs,

Have a cover story for being alone "I'm here with a mate but he's buggered off with a girl he's just met and left me here. The wanker. Would you like a drink?"

Arrive late, the club will be busy and everyone will be a few drinks in already so easier to talk to.

Don't drink or just have one beer you drink very slowly. You're on a mission not a night out and you'll need to save money as you could be doing this tomorrow night.

Tailor this to what works for you and practice. At any time you can just go home so no pressure to hang around for mates if you are not making progress the first few times.

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

Great!

Yeah, don't beat around the bush. Just say "hey, I really had fun meeting you the other day. Want to go on a date somewhere this weekend?" Like ripping off a Band-Aid.

Coming out and straight up asking for a date after small conversation is very nerve-racking for me. I could replace the word date for coffee, then after coffee ask her out on an actual date? Fuck, I'm overthinking it now.

 

[Sami+]

Have a cover story for being alone "I'm here with a mate but he's buggered off with a girl he's just met and left me here. The wanker. Would you like a drink?"

lmao I'm Floridian so imagining myself saying this word for word is cracking me up rn

 

[Xun]

.

 

[gaiages]

Coming out and straight up asking for a date after small conversation is very nerve-racking for me. I could replace the word date for coffee, then after coffee ask her out on an actual date? Fuck, I'm overthinking it now.

No, make your intentions clear from the get go.

 

[bluethree]

And the beauty of it is, even if she isn't interested you're not wasting your time.

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

No, make your intentions clear from the get go.

And the beauty of it is, even if she isn't interested you're not wasting your time.

Fuck, you're both right. Even blue wasn't referring to me, it's relevant.

 

[tass0]

I dunno what to think. I thought it went well. She seemed to enjoy talking with me. I enjoyed talking with her. But we didn't do much besides talk. It didn't feel like a date, it felt like just hanging out with a friend. And then after we were done eating, we started wandering around and couldn't figure out anything else to do. She wanted to go get drinks, but I don't drink, and I said it was okay, I wouldn't mind following along and getting a water or something, but she said she didn't like that idea, so we decided to call it.

She sounded like the liked it and was interested in doing something else some other time. She even started pitching ideas for what we could do next. But there was no physical contact aside from a hug at the end. It remains to be seen if she'll actually respond the next time I text her.

Anyway I don't know why I'm posting this. I'll probably just be ridiculed for not being SUPER ALPHA MALE and fucking her on the first date, like I was ridiculed for being nervous because I have almost no experience. But whatever.

Sounds like it went well, you need to chillax. You might want to let go of that "I don't drink" and 'no' attitude thing, though. Just go along, have a few sips, don't be a killjoy.

Either way, sounds good, you should message her and take her somewhere for a 2nd date.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Sounds like it went well, you need to chillax. You might want to let go of that "I don't drink" and 'no' attitude thing, though. Just go along, have a few sips, don't be a killjoy.

Either way, sounds good, you should message her and take her somewhere for a 2nd date.

Or, go along, order a lemon water or some other non alcoholic drink and if questioned, say you can't drink because of work and you need to be fully alert.

Don't have to make a big deal out of it and you'll already be in the bar, so she's unlikely to say forget it at that stage.

 

[tass0]

Or, go along, order a lemon water or some other non alcoholic drink and if questioned, say you can't drink because of work and you need to be fully alert.

Don't have to make a big deal out of it and you'll already be in the bar, so she's unlikely to say forget it at that stage.

Well that's what I meant, just go along. You can have a sip, order water, order orange juice, you don't need to tell a girl 'NO, I DON'T DRINK.' and be a lame ass. Just go along and have fun, that's probably one of the biggest turnoffs to most women imo.

 

[Llyranor]

I tried drinking and it wasn't for me. When I go to a bar with friends, I just order a lemonade or non-alcoholic ginger beer or something. You can also go a virgin pina colada or virgin caesar or whatever, lots of options.

 

[ZackieChan]

Coming out and straight up asking for a date after small conversation is very nerve-racking for me. I could replace the word date for coffee, then after coffee ask her out on an actual date? Fuck, I'm overthinking it now.

Fuck, you're both right. Even blue wasn't referring to me, it's relevant.

I think he was referring to you, actually. And yeah, be clear about your intentions from the start! It's really OK to ask someone for a date even though you barely know them. I don't know why people are so hung up on that.

I tried drinking and it wasn't for me. When I go to a bar with friends, I just order a lemonade or non-alcoholic ginger beer or something. You can also go a virgin pina colada or virgin caesar or whatever, lots of options.

Wow, don't get the virgin pina colada. I go for a Coke/Diet Coke with lime so it LOOKS like a drink, but not a pina colada. That's just...I dunno.

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

I think he was referring to you, actually. And yeah, be clear about your intentions from the start! It's really OK to ask someone for a date even though you barely know them. I don't know why people are so hung up on that.

Oops, that was supposed to say something else. I assumed he meant me though

I can only speak for myself, but I'm just tired of rejections. I've been humiliated a couple times these past few months, and it gets harder and harder to ask. Like, I still haven't asked the girl out yet, I have the text typed up I just haven't hit sent because I'm being a pussy right now. I'm finding it difficult to follow through

Edit: Hey, so I had fun talking to you last night, I thought you were pretty cool. Would youwant to go out on a date somewhere this weekend?

That's what I plan on saying, I'm overthinking it right now. You guys think that's okay?

 

[A Human Becoming]

I went to a bar by myself on Friday. My male friends are either married or engaged. Having social anxiety makes just sitting there uncomfortable. I saw the experience as exposure therapy. When I go out next Friday maybe I'll try talking to someone.

 

[Dryk]

I went to a bar by myself on Friday. My male friends are either married on engaged. Having social anxiety makes just sitting there uncomfortable. I saw the experience as exposure therapy. When I go out next Friday maybe I'll try talking to someone.

I should try this sometime. I'm going to a party at the museum this Friday instead though... same thing I guess.

 

[Mathunilx]

I think I have a problem. I went on 3 dates this past month (with 3 different person,2 girls and a guy) and for some reason I don't understand I lost interest. Like, they are good looking people but it's like I can't find it in me to be attracted to them. I like them though so I suggested staying friends with them but they all didn't take it too well.

This has been going on for a while now, is there anything wrong with me?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So, this last foray into dating ended spectacularly. I've been seeing this girl pretty much nonstop since the week before Halloween -- our first weekend was a weekend trip, we regularly had sleepovers, and we connected so well on an intellectual and emotional level. What's that, you ask? Haven't you heard of the parable of the three-legged stool, AD?

Well, right you are!

I alluded to the fact earlier that we were verging towards an emotionally monogamous but sexually open relationship and that I'd had drinks with the other dude she slept with. Cue hilarious grouptext with negative pregnancy test (#happynotafathersday), even though it couldn't have been mine. Anyway, after another marathon date this weekend, she told me today that I wasn't able to satisfy her relatively nuanced tastes, despite me taking affirmative steps in trying. We're "on a break" right now and just had a long, heartfelt phone call (she feels terrible for being subjectively broken and throwing away what we have).

To add another jolt of hilarity, even the other dude told her, "Girl, you're a dumbass. He's so great for you."

I realize that the default piece of advice will be to run for the hills.

 

[LelouchViBritannia]

Got this cute asian girl's number the other day. She's quite reserved. Whats the best way to text her? Get to know her more etc. I wanna get her out on a date.

Most girls i usually text are the complete opposite. (More out going)

 

[Sami+]

So this girl I matched with on tinder last week has still been talkin to me, I asked her out to the fair (even said in the text "yo this is probably a bit avant garde for a first tinder date but do you wanna go to the fair with me" lol) but she said she had to work all day. Said she really would've wanted to go though and thought the offer was really sweet. I just kinda kept doing my thing and didn't text again but then out of the blue today she's like "btw I wanted to tell you yesterday but your eyes are damn amazing", LOL. I'm getting interested vibes so I guess I'll see where it goes. I'm really not that invested though just because my feelings for the other girl I've been seeing kinda get more and more real every time we spend time together. If Tinder girl pushes for something I'm honestly gonna have to stop and think about what I want.

 

[Max]

Got this cute asian girl's number the other day. She's quite reserved. Whats the best way to text her? Get to know her more etc. I wanna get her out on a date.

Most girls i usually text are the complete opposite. (More out going)

Get to know her on the date you take her on. Text asking how work/school is going, tell her you're glad to have met her, convey interest, gauge her interest. El classico 'i'm free -this day-, want to have drinks/coffee?'. Done.

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

I asked the girl out. White noise. Gotta say, I'm not feeling very happy with myself. This'll be the like 7-8th girl that is going to ignore me? I don't get it, I'm good looking, I'm smart and charming, I get one night stands constantly. Why can't I make this dating shit work out? Perhaps she's working or w/e, but if she doesn't respond by tomorrow I'll be sad.

 

[ZackieChan]

I asked the girl out. White noise. Gotta say, I'm not feeling very happy with myself. This'll be the like 7-8th girl that is going to ignore me? I don't get it, I'm good looking, I'm smart and charming, I get one night stands constantly. Why can't I make this dating shit work out? Perhaps she's working or w/e, but if she doesn't respond by tomorrow I'll be sad.

You should see my Line/WeChat contracts. It's a graveyard of girls who blew me off. Gotta just keep going. We all get discouraged sometimes!

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

You should see my Line/WeChat contracts. It's a graveyard of girls who blew me off. Gotta just keep going. We all get discouraged sometimes!

Yeah, I'm trying...

What's also pretty bad is she goes to my school, I see her walking around all the time, this just made it awkward. This is the 3rd on campus.

 

[bluethree]

You should see my Line/WeChat contracts. It's a graveyard of girls who blew me off. Gotta just keep going. We all get discouraged sometimes!

This is my LINE list too. Girl I mentioned before took days to respond to my after date text, then radio silence after that.

Thankfully the chances of me moving to a bigger city look better recently.

 

[tch]

First date (but met twice before and talked a good bit.) Offer to pick her up, or just give her the location of the bar?

She already knows I'm driving way out of my way to meet up with her, if that matters. I'm kinda leaning towards just meeting her at the bar. It just seems more exciting to me (especially for a first date), but what do I know it might come off as lazy or unthoughtful.

 

[ZackieChan]

Yeah, I'm trying...

What's also pretty bad is she goes to my school, I see her walking around all the time, this just made it awkward. This is the 3rd on campus.

Hey, if she doesn't say yes, SHE missed out on dating YOU! Never forget that. Just act like you dgaf. It's the only way. Even better would be her seeing you chatting up or dating another girl!

This is my LINE list too. Girl I mentioned before took days to respond to my after date text, then radio silence after that.

Thankfully the chances of me moving to a bigger city look better recently.

Yeah, its all part of the game. 90% flakes.

Good to hear. I want to go back to Tokyo soon, but I think I'm going Korea->Thailand after my stint in China.

 

[depths20XX]

Is there any chance of things going anywhere after sleeping with someone on the first date? We had a great night which ended with me staying over at her place. She invited me to breakfast in the morning but things felt "off". I did want to sleep with her but I guess now I'm just feeling like that was a fuck up and not sure where to go from here. I get the vibe that she probably doesn't want to see me again and it just confuses me after what was otherwise a great night...

 

[Weckum]

Is there any chance of things going anywhere after sleeping with someone on the first date? We had a great night which ended with me staying over at her place. She invited me to breakfast in the morning but things felt "off". I did want to sleep with her but I guess now I'm just feeling like that was a fuck up and not sure where to go from here. I get the vibe that she probably doesn't want to see me again and it just confuses me after what was otherwise a great night...

Why wouldn't there? Sleeping with someone on the first date doesn't mean one night stand immediately. She probably just felt a bit awkward as well. Give it a couple of days, see if she's still interested and take it from there.

 

[MogCakes]

Wish me luck. I had a crush on her already before going on this week long trip with her and my other classmates. Now that it's concluded, I realize I'm head over heels. I've got plenty of the requisite butterflies and fear of rejection going on. I just hope I'm not too late. Tomorrow will either be the best day of my life or a long night of drinking.

 

[depths20XX]

Why wouldn't there? Sleeping with someone on the first date doesn't mean one night stand immediately. She probably just felt a bit awkward as well. Give it a couple of days, see if she's still interested and take it from there.

So I should wait a few days before asking her out again? I feel like I wanna ask her out tomorrow just to figure out if she's still interested. I'm not good at waiting clearly.

 

[bluethree]

if you've had sex with her and haven't texted her yet get on that. After sex is not a time to wait imo.

 

[depths20XX]

if you've had sex with her and haven't texted her yet get on that. After sex is not a time to wait imo.

I sent her a playful text last night 6 or so hours after I got home from her place. Couldn't really gleam much from her response though.

 

[n64coder]

Hey, if she doesn't say yes, SHE missed out on dating YOU! Never forget that. Just act like you dgaf. It's the only way. Even better would be her seeing you chatting up or dating another girl!

Very true. I remember one time I asked a girl at my workplace for a dinner date but was rejected (we did have a nice lunch together previously). A year later, I spoke with my sister who somehow knew this girl through her connections and found out that she had regrets about rejecting me and wished she at least took me up on the dinner date. Just like guys, girls make mistakes. It's part of learning.

So usually you don't ever hear about people having regrets but that was the one case where I did.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

So, this last foray into dating ended spectacularly. I've been seeing this girl pretty much nonstop since the week before Halloween -- our first weekend was a weekend trip, we regularly had sleepovers, and we connected so well on an intellectual and emotional level. What's that, you ask? Haven't you heard of the parable of the three-legged stool, AD?

Well, right you are!

I alluded to the fact earlier that we were verging towards an emotionally monogamous but sexually open relationship and that I'd had drinks with the other dude she slept with. Cue hilarious grouptext with negative pregnancy test (#happynotafathersday), even though it couldn't have been mine. Anyway, after another marathon date this weekend, she told me today that I wasn't able to satisfy her relatively nuanced tastes, despite me taking affirmative steps in trying. We're "on a break" right now and just had a long, heartfelt phone call (she feels terrible for being subjectively broken and throwing away what we have).

To add another jolt of hilarity, even the other dude told her, "Girl, you're a dumbass. He's so great for you."

I realize that the default piece of advice will be to run for the hills.

I feel like I could pitch this to Hollywood. Let's say her pregnancy test came back positive? Good midseason finale material.

Spoiler

Maybe you were moving too fast?

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

Hey, if she doesn't say yes, SHE missed out on dating YOU! Never forget that. Just act like you dgaf. It's the only way. Even better would be her seeing you chatting up or dating another girl!

Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. I've got other girls who are probably interested in me anyway, I know of a few who might be. Thanks!

 

[Xun]

.

 

[GK86]

You have her number, just text her.

 

[Sami+]

Told Tinder girl to hit me up this week if she wants to hang out. Start my new job this Friday (woo!), birthday party later that night most likely, and then the rest of the weekend is hard studying for my next Bio exam. We'll see where that goes.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I feel like I could pitch this to Hollywood. Let's say her pregnancy test came back positive? Good midseason finale material.

Spoiler

Maybe you were moving too fast?

Oh, we were totally moving too fast. But we feel ridiculously connected in every single aspect except sex.

We talked on the phone last night, and we're texting/gchatting today. I seriously don't know if I should start exploring other options, though. I have zero interest in dating anyone else at this point, and if this doesn't work out, then I'll probably need a break.

I suppose it boils down to whether she's willing to have patience in that one domain.

 

[gaiages]

Oh, we were totally moving too fast. But we feel ridiculously connected in every single aspect except sex.

We talked on the phone last night, and we're texting/gchatting today. I seriously don't know if I should start exploring other options, though. I have zero interest in dating anyone else at this point, and if this doesn't work out, then I'll probably need a break.

I suppose it boils down to whether she's willing to have patience in that one domain.

Honestly, I find it odd she doesn't have patience for you sexually when y'all are in an open sexual relationship. I mean this in no insensitive way, but if she's having sex with other dudes (or dude), then what's the problem that you're not utterly perfect in bed with her right this second? I dunno, just my viewpoint of course, but for me the whole point of a relationship like that is to get something sexually another partner may not be able to provide. It just seems like a weird thing to do imo.

Spoiler

By no way am I implying you're not 'up to snuff' in the bedroom btw

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

Holy shit. The girl got back to me and said, "yes, definitely." Amongst other things, like why she took so long to respond. I'm so happy I wish I could posts gifs from my phone.

GAF came through.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

So, this last foray into dating ended spectacularly. I've been seeing this girl pretty much nonstop since the week before Halloween -- our first weekend was a weekend trip, we regularly had sleepovers, and we connected so well on an intellectual and emotional level. What's that, you ask? Haven't you heard of the parable of the three-legged stool, AD?

Well, right you are!

I alluded to the fact earlier that we were verging towards an emotionally monogamous but sexually open relationship and that I'd had drinks with the other dude she slept with. Cue hilarious grouptext with negative pregnancy test (#happynotafathersday), even though it couldn't have been mine. Anyway, after another marathon date this weekend, she told me today that I wasn't able to satisfy her relatively nuanced tastes, despite me taking affirmative steps in trying. We're "on a break" right now and just had a long, heartfelt phone call (she feels terrible for being subjectively broken and throwing away what we have).

To add another jolt of hilarity, even the other dude told her, "Girl, you're a dumbass. He's so great for you."

I realize that the default piece of advice will be to run for the hills.

Life literally should not be so difficult. I wont suggest you run. I just suggest that you tell her you aren't a coat she can decide when she wants to wear and put away on cue.

 

[dralla]

Talked to a girl on Tinder for a bit. Moved to texting. We decide not to meet because it doesn't seem like we'd get along. She keeps texting me, asked me to be a "texting buddy". I say nahhhh. Now she's going a bit crazy

ps. I saw a lady from work on POF and I really wanna message her, but we see each other quite a bit at work. We don't work together or anything, but I see her once a day. It could get awkward if I message her. The dilemma is real

 

[tch]

ps. I saw a lady from work on POF and I really wanna message her, but we see each other quite a bit at work. We don't work together or anything, but I see her once a day. It could get awkward if I message her. The dilemma is real

Seems like a great opening to ask her out in person!

 

[Sami+]

Talked to a girl on Tinder for a bit. Moved to texting. We decide not to meet because it doesn't seem like we'd get along. She keeps texting me, asked me to be a "texting buddy". I say nahhhh. Now she's going a bit crazy




ps. I saw a lady from work on POF and I really wanna message her, but we see each other quite a bit at work. We don't work together or anything, but I see her once a day. It could get awkward if I message her. The dilemma is real

I think it's a better look to ask out in person. Even if she's not interested she can just respectfully decline without making it weird.

 

[ZackieChan]

Holy shit. The girl got back to me and said, "yes, definitely." Amongst other things, like why she took so long to respond. I'm so happy I wish I could posts gifs from my phone.

GAF came through.

Congrats!

 

[dralla]

I think it's a better look to ask out in person. Even if she's not interested she can just respectfully decline without making it weird.

The dilemma is asking out someone you see every day at work, not how to ask her out. Risky! I've hooked up with girls I've worked with before, but never attempted to date one. hmmm

 

[n64coder]

Talked to a girl on Tinder for a bit. Moved to texting. We decide not to meet because it doesn't seem like we'd get along. She keeps texting me, asked me to be a "texting buddy". I say nahhhh. Now she's going a bit crazy




ps. I saw a lady from work on POF and I really wanna message her, but we see each other quite a bit at work. We don't work together or anything, but I see her once a day. It could get awkward if I message her. The dilemma is real

Why is the image no longer available? Lame.

 

[ZackieChan]

The dilemma is asking out someone you see every day at work, not how to ask her out. Risky! I've hooked up with girls I've worked with before, but never attempted to date one. hmmm

Skip the work friend and lick that oreo.

 

[Sami+]

"like an oreo"

fuck hahahahahaha 😂😂