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[gaiages]

Notes with a number on it isnt a confident or mature tactic to me. Why not let her say no through text rather than saying no through literally throwing the note away and thinking nothing of it? it also lessens the *anticipates text* phase. When someone texts you the simple obligation of replying back is a pretty sincere gesture. It isnt a gun to her head

You know what it doesnt matter what we think dude should just ask her out however he feela comfortable

Asking something out directly, while they're working, really puts them on the spot. They can't afford to be rude, because "the customer is always right" and a terrifying amount of managers are shitty people that will yell at their employees for any little reason (and the non shitty ones usually get out of Dodge at first opportunity because it's shitty). You don't think an employee can get in trouble for turning down a customer's advances? Man, I've seen people get in trouble for that, and I've seen the employee be nothing but polite.

Asking them out at work directly forces them to make a split second decision about you, a customer that is really just making their life more difficult at this moment (thought process: oh there are orders to fill and my coworkers are snickering and god my feet hurt and aaaaaaagh). Handing a note give her time to think, doesn't interrupt her work flow, and is more discrete than going up to the counter and saying "HEY YOU'RE CUTE WANNA GO ON A DATE?".

Asking someone out at work in *any* fashion is not ideal, but a discrete way is far better in this situation than a direct one.

EDIT: Wait, did I miss something Max? Are you suggesting that Lucky try and ask for her number instead? That sounds legit harder than just bluntly asking for a date to be honest.

 

[bluethree]

Notes with a number on it isnt a confident or mature tactic to me. Why not let her say no through text rather than saying no through literally throwing the note away and thinking nothing of it? it also lessens the *anticipates text* phase. When someone texts you the simple obligation of replying back is a pretty sincere gesture. It isnt a gun to her head

You know what it doesnt matter what we think dude should just ask her out however he feela comfortable

Maybe not always, but sometimes you don't really have a choice. I've gotten dates just from handing girls my number before - not at work but in other contexts (on the subway and I'm getting off soon, etc).

I handed my number to one really hot girl in a bookstore once, walked away embarrassed like I did something "unconfident", and she followed me out of the bookstore. Sometimes if they're interested, they're interested no matter what dumb moves you make.

 

[Max]

I set up a date w this korean girl i met for today and just now she hits me with "is it ok with my two friends?"

Oouf i met her through these two girlfriends of hers and im p sure they know im interested in her

EDIT: Wait, did I miss something Max? Are you suggesting that Lucky try and ask for her number instead? That sounds legit harder than just bluntly asking for a date to be honest.

No I meant of course ask for the date

 

[ZackieChan]

I set up a date w this korean girl i met for today and just now she hits me with "is it ok with my two friends?"

Oouf i met her through these two girlfriends of hers and im p sure they know im interested in her


No I meant of course ask for the date

Girls here in Thailand pull that shit often. I say don't do it.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Girls here in Thailand pull that shit often. I say don't do it.

At least they don't pull the "let's be friends first" crap.

 

[ZackieChan]

At least they don't pull the "let's be friends first" crap.

They do, however, insult you straight-faced if you're fat. Sometimes I feel like you with your Chinese girl.

Spoiler

They still have sex with you tho

 

[fep]

Ok so I've been lurking here the past week or so.

I just got over a serious relationship, we had been living together etc. That was a few months ago. Last week I decided to hop on Tinder to check things out maybe put up an OKC profile, nothing serious, test the waters while I focus on my own things.

I asked a girl I got matched with to meet up for ice skating (I know, a bit much for first Tinder date), but I have a Groupon and figured why not, nothing to lose here and I like her the most out of the ones I've been chatting with.

She didn't respond, but I was also visiting friends ~80 miles away when I sent it. I messaged her again when I got back in town saying if she was ever interested to shoot me a message.

She did, asking if I was free tomorrow (today), but not for ice skating. We're doing a quick casual lunch, like getting coffee.

I feel like a dog who caught a car he was chasing. Now I have no idea what to do, ha ha. Nerves over what to wear, if my hair is too poofy, if I look on point... what do we talk about? The normal casual things??

I know y'all are going to say just breath, be yourself, and stop worrying, and I will, but I'm still anxious. Really just typing it out has helped a bit though. Anyway, I wanted to say thanks... I've gleaned a bit from lurking and appreciate the effort some of you put in here!

 

[ZackieChan]

You're better off not ice skating for a first date.

I just ask a lot of questions about them. Sometimes I make it a game, where we each have to ask something about the other in turn. Doesn't work if you're boring, though.

 

[Entropia]

You're better off not ice skating for a first date.

I would disagree with that unless she says she can't skate then it won't be a good time. But going at a casual pace and being able to chat doing an activity sounds like a great first date.

 

[War Peaceman]

Ice Skating is a really good date, just not for the first one.

You can hold hands the entire time, show off, be shown off to, make a fool of yourself, etc.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Alright, I asked her out but she only see's me as a friend. Plus, she is talking to someone else anyway.

 

[Fallout-NL]

I would disagree with that unless she says she can't skate then it won't be a good time. But going at a casual pace and being able to chat doing an activity sounds like a great first date.

Yeah, those sit-at-same-table-for-hours first dates aren't necessarily the greatest thing either.

 

[GK86]

Yeah, those sit-at-same-table-for-hours first dates aren't necessarily the greatest thing either.

No, but it's the safest bet for both parties.

 

[Fallout-NL]

No, but it's the safest bet for both parties.

True. Deviating requires, uh yeah, some degree of faith I suppose.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Alright, I asked her out but she only see's me as a friend. Plus, she is talking to someone else anyway.

Good on you for asking

 

[ZackieChan]

Yeah, those sit-at-same-table-for-hours first dates aren't necessarily the greatest thing either.

It is a low-cost, low commitment first date. You can always bail. In the weird world of online dating where you're literally meeting someone for the first time, it's the way to go.

 

[Fallout-NL]

Yeah, no. I definitely get that, guys .

 

[Llyranor]

Alright, I asked her out but she only see's me as a friend. Plus, she is talking to someone else anyway.

That's a really good step. You asked and you have your answer. Now you don't need to waste weeks/months wondering what she thinks of you.

Yeah, those sit-at-same-table-for-hours first dates aren't necessarily the greatest thing either.

It doesn't have to be hours. Coffee/tea for 30-60min, and if you connect you can suggest other activities (have a contingency plan and know what's nearby)

 

[Volcynika]

Yeah, my last ex we got hot chocolate and chatted for hour and a half or so, then I scheduled a real dinner date before we parted. Simple seems like a good way to go.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Alright, I asked her out but she only see's me as a friend. Plus, she is talking to someone else anyway.

Man super pumped you just did it and got it outta the way!!

Doesnt it feel better to know and now have a clear path ahead in regards to this girl?

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Good on you for asking

That's a really good step. You asked and you have your answer. Now you don't need to waste weeks/months wondering what she thinks of you.

Thanks.

Man super pumped you just did it and got it outta the way!!

Doesn't it feel better to know and now have a clear path ahead in regards to this girl?

Yeah, it does. I've lost nothing by asking. No awkwardness or anything afterwards.

But I don't really like shutting doors. I mean I'll still interact with other women and stuff though.

 

[WolfeTone]

Thanks.

But I don't really like shutting doors. I mean I'll still interact with other women and stuff though.

Having been in this situation myself many times, I often find it quite liberating to know where the relationships stands. I don't have to worry about 'does she like me?' anymore. It's a friendship and nothing more.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Yeah, it does. I've lost nothing by asking. No awkwardness or anything afterwards.

But I don't really like shutting doors. I mean I'll still interact with other women and stuff though.

You can still be friends though. Just as long as you aren't fully caught in your feelings friendship is a valid option.

I only suggest cutting contact when your so far gone friendship would just be lying to yourelf haha.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Having been in this situation myself many times, I often find it quite liberating to know where the relationships stands. I don't have to worry about 'does she like me?' anymore. It's a friendship and nothing more.

It feels good knowing that sort of thing.

You can still be friends though. Just as long as you aren't fully caught in your feelings friendship is a valid option.

I only suggest cutting contact when your so far gone friendship would just be lying to yourself haha.

lol yeah.

I don't care about the friendzone anymore. It's like being in purgatory. I just accept that the person doesn't see me that way and get over it.

 

[WolfeTone]

It feels good knowing that sort of thing.

I don't care about the friendzone anymore. It's like being in purgatory. I just accept that the person doesn't she me that way and get over it.

That's honestly the best mindset to approach this from. The 'friendzone', although I dislike the term, only exists if you still harbor feelings for the girl. If you can put that behind you and move on, then there's no reason you can't be good friends with this girl.

A lot of people, men and women, don't handle rejection very well at all. It's especially common when the person has built up asking someone out for weeks/months because they've over-invested in something that wasn't reciprocated. This is why it's usually best to just ask someone out directly and quickly. You know where you stand immediately and makes it much easier to take the loss (if there is one). Being able to handle someone saying no to a date or being more than friends is a sign of maturity and self-confidence. It puts you above a lot of folks out there on the dating scene to take a no and not have it ruin your day.

 

[Xun]

If her friend female? Then that's all the reason in the world for someone to get 'jealous', even if it's a shitty reason. Lots of girls get jealous if 'their boi' is talking with a another chick, no matter the reason.

I think it's personally dramatic as balls if she gets jealous because you talk to another woman though lol

Sorry, I prematurely thought the friend was female, when you didn't state if the friend was male/female.

If it is a female, then Gaiages as the same line as thinking as me. Plus, the fact that you two "bump" into each other at the pub.

Her friend is female, yes.

Still not sure why she'd be jealous though, but who knows?

I've been texting her a little bit since last night and things seem to be going well? We'll see what happens I guess.

 

[tch]

Ok seeing as this is my first real relationship I could really use some help here. I've included the time frame if that provides any insight. First date was drinks and ended with a hug. Second date (a week later) was making dinner at her place and kissing. Third date (12 days later) was an insanely amazing date that lasted almost a whole day with lots of intense making out and staying the night.

Fourth date (2 days after the fourth date) was just pretending to watch Netflix for a few minutes before making out in bed. Right as things were about to get more intimate, she stopped me and said that she wanted to be upfront and that she wasn't looking for a relationship, and didn't want to do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, as she got out of long-term relationship less than 6 months ago.
But she seems incredibly into me, emotionally and physically. I agreed that we barely know each other, we just started dating, and that we shouldn't label anything yet. It's not that I saw us as exclusive or even considered it, but something about her coming out and bringing it up out of nowhere really put me on tilt.

Then making out resumed and she wanted me to pick up where I left off, but I had to leave shortly after that. Then she kept talking about next time we were going to see each other. I feel like I've been spending a lot of my emotional energy into dating her, but I feel she is as well.

Should I dial it back a bit and see how it goes? Or just keep doing what I've been doing? I'm just not sure if we are getting close too quickly for her and doesn't want me to think sex is us becoming more romantically attached? Or if she is dating other people (Should I ever ask her that or will it come off as insecure?) I didn't mean for this to be such a long post but I could really use some help! Thanks!

 

[gaiages]

Her friend is female, yes.

Still not sure why she'd be jealous though, but who knows?

I've been texting her a little bit since last night and things seem to be going well? We'll see what happens I guess.

I already told you the reason, her friend was a dreaded FEMALE, and guys can't talk to other females, they must be trying to get into her pants!!

I'm being slightly dramatic, but yes that goes through jealous girls' minds more or less

Ok seeing as this is my first real relationship I could really use some help here. I've included the time frame if that provides any insight. First date was drinks and ended with a hug. Second date (a week later) was making dinner at her place and kissing. Third date (12 days later) was an insanely amazing date that lasted almost a whole day with lots of intense making out and staying the night.

Fourth date (2 days after the fourth date) was just pretending to watch Netflix for a few minutes before making out in bed. Right as things were about to get more intimate, she stopped me and said that she wanted to be upfront and that she wasn't looking for a relationship, and didn't want to do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, as she got out of long-term relationship less than 6 months ago.
But she seems incredibly into me, emotionally and physically. I agreed that we barely know each other, we just started dating, and that we shouldn't label anything yet. It's not that I saw us as exclusive or even considered it, but something about her coming out and bringing it up out of nowhere really put me on tilt.

Then making out resumed and she wanted me to pick up where I left off, but I had to leave shortly after that. Then she kept talking about next time we were going to see each other. I feel like I've been spending a lot of my emotional energy into dating her, but I feel she is as well.

Should I dial it back a bit and see how it goes? Or just keep doing what I've been doing? I'm just not sure if we are getting close too quickly for her and doesn't want me to think sex is us becoming more romantically attached? Or if she is dating other people (Should I ever ask her that or will it come off as insecure?) I didn't mean for this to be such a long post but I could really use some help! Thanks!

First off, it isn't an relationship if you two are just dating and she doesn't want a relationship. Relationships tend to be more serious thigns that both parties agree on.

Other than that, why not go with the flow and see where it goes? If she's not ready for something serious, she's not ready. You can be attracted to another person without having to be in a serious relationship with them. You don't need to get emotionally attached to another person to think they're hot/smart/emotionally cool/whatever.

 

[MattyG]

Welp. I fucking hate myself right now. This situation became a massive clusterfuck pretty quickly.

So that girl that I'm friends with/interested in had been giving me pretty positive signals the last week. Everything was great on Friday, and then Monday she had this appointment and wasn't in class. I texted her to see how it went and found out that she's dealing with some pretty bad medical stuff. So yesterday she's not in class either, because she has the flu or something. She came to class today, everything was fine, but I didn't get to talk to her much because she had to go to the nurse.

So I have an extra ticket to Star Wars, and I figured I'd see if she wanted to come. So I asked, but I wanted to be clear that it was fine if she didn't feel up to it because of the stuff she's dealing with. She said she wasn't sure how long she was going to be sick, but thanks anyways. I probably won't see her in class before the end of the semester now, so I said that if she felt better before she went back home and wanted to lunch or something next week, let me know. Stupid me though, I had a lot I wanted to say and the texts ended up being disproportionately longer than hers and sounding clingy. I haven't heard back after that last one, even though I did kind of make it clear that I wanted to leave her alone so she could rest.

I've decided that I'm just going to largely cut contact until she texts me so I don't come off as even more clingy, and if I don't hear from her I'll just hope I can salvage something next semester. I went from hopeful about this thing to there being basically 0 chance of it happening in the course of 4 days. I mean, I'm happy because we're still friends and stuff, she's still a really great person, but I've kind of gotten so attached at this point that realizing it's probably not going to work is the fucking worst. Fuuuuuuuuuu.

 

[Llyranor]

I've decided that I'm just going to largely cut contact until she texts me so I don't come off as even more clingy

Yes. Let her initiate. If she's really sick but interested in you, she'll let you know. Just get your mind off her and move on. Meet other girls. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT build up a perfect scenario in your mind of her coming back next semester and you date and everything's perfect. Don't cling onto this made-up ideal that will make you unable to move on and do other things in your life. Don't get attached to her (again, if something does happen later on, great). Meet other girls. Don't wait around for her (more specifically, don't wait around for this ideal you've built up of her).

EDIT: DON'T DO IT, MATTY!!

 

[Xun]

I already told you the reason, her friend was a dreaded FEMALE, and guys can't talk to other females, they must be trying to get into her pants!!

I'm being slightly dramatic, but yes that goes through jealous girls' minds more or less

I know, I just find the notion of that baffling.

 

[tch]

First off, it isn't an relationship if you two are just dating and she doesn't want a relationship. Relationships tend to be more serious thigns that both parties agree on.

Other than that, why not go with the flow and see where it goes? If she's not ready for something serious, she's not ready. You can be attracted to another person without having to be in a serious relationship with them. You don't need to get emotionally attached to another person to think they're hot/smart/emotionally cool/whatever.

Thanks for your thoughtful response! Yeah I agree I shouldn't have used the word relationship I just meant the first person who I've really dated haha! I guess one thing I'm trying to figure out is how to act physically in public around her when we are with other people who she might even be dating/talking to.. Oh well I'll definitely see where it goes and not try to get to overthink it. Thanks again!

 

[gaiages]

I know, I just find the notion of that baffling.

Believe me, I do too. It's so... weird.

Thanks for your thoughtful response! Yeah I agree I shouldn't have used the word relationship I just meant the first person who I've really dated haha! I guess one thing I'm trying to figure out is how to act physically in public around her when we are with other people who she might even be dating/talking to.. Oh well I'll definitely see where it goes and not try to get to overthink it. Thanks again!

Oh, yeah, doing stuff in public might be a little weird, but I'm so with spending more time with her you'll begin to learn what's okay and what's not :3

 

[Fina1e]

I never thought I would be posting here but I do need some advice GAF.

I have been seeing this girl for about two weeks now. She recently got out of a long term relationship about three weeks ago (he broke up with her). Everything has been doing pretty great so far but she tells me that she wants to take it really slow so she doesn't get hurt again (I've spent the night with her twice, but only oral sex, she said she wants to wait to go farther.) I told her that it is fine and then I will continue to wait for her to want to take things to the next step. The problem is that I have this feeling that I am being treated as the rebound guy and I cannot get it out of my head. Am I just being paranoid here?

 

[GK86]

I have been seeing this girl for about two weeks now.

She recently got out of a long term relationship about three weeks ago (he broke up with her).

The problem is that I have this feeling that I am being treated as the rebound guy and I cannot get it out of my head. Am I just being paranoid here?

Because you are?

 

[MattyG]

Yes. Let her initiate. If she's really sick but interested in you, she'll let you know. Just get your mind off her and move on. Meet other girls. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT build up a perfect scenario in your mind of her coming back next semester and you date and everything's perfect. Don't cling onto this made-up ideal that will make you unable to move on and do other things in your life. Don't get attached to her (again, if something does happen later on, great). Meet other girls. Don't wait around for her (more specifically, don't wait around for this ideal you've built up of her).

EDIT: DON'T DO IT, MATTY!!

Thanks for the advice, you guys are the best

She actually texted me a few hours later and we talked for like 2 hours soooooo basically I can't tell what's up anymore. I can't get her to hang out (to be fair, she's going through a lot and is sick) but she also seems like she's into me based on some things she's said. I don't know, maybe she's just being nice to me and only can stand me when we're texting. We also have just had genuinely shit luck with timing recently though. Like, I thought she was ducking me for the longest time but I found out there was actually stuff going on, so I guess it could go either way.

I'm going to keep my "no initiation rule" for asking about hanging out though, at least until next semester. I made it clear that I want to hang out, so if she wants to before she leaves, she can say so. Maybe next semester will be different, I don't know.

 

[daffy]

Never thought I'd be in here but fuck it

Trying to get back into the swing of things after an epic 4 month intimacy break hereby known as DA Drought 4. Talking to a few but idk its like small shit bothers me.

Oh it took you three weeks to text back? Done. Oh you forgot about the date we set up last week? Done.
Oh you want to talk online for days and days and waste my time before actually meeting up like a normal human being? Done.

Its like DA Drought IV has poisoned my ability to have patience with strangers, especially ones that know my vulnerability of finding them attractive. Anyone know what can I do to reduce my boiling points and give people the benefit of the doubt? It doesn't help that I've been extremely horny lately. I don't know if I just want casual or if I want relationships but I've never been a one nighter. What do

Thanks guys for taking the time

 

[gaiages]

Thanks for the advice, you guys are the best

She actually texted me a few hours later and we talked for like 2 hours soooooo basically I can't tell what's up anymore. I can't get her to hang out (to be fair, she's going through a lot and is sick) but she also seems like she's into me based on some things she's said. I don't know, maybe she's just being nice to me and only can stand me when we're texting. We also have just had genuinely shit luck with timing recently though. Like, I thought she was ducking me for the longest time but I found out there was actually stuff going on, so I guess it could go either way.

I'm going to keep my "no initiation rule" for asking about hanging out though, at least until next semester. I made it clear that I want to hang out, so if she wants to before she leaves, she can say so. Maybe next semester will be different, I don't know.

I'll be honest, sounds like you're a good friend to her. Dunno about anything else though. I suppose you could just ask her how she feels about you once she feels better instead of this whole "she likes me, she likes me not" thing you got going on now.

Never thought I'd be in here but fuck it

Trying to get back into the swing of things after an epic 4 month intimacy break hereby known as DA Drought 4. Talking to a few but idk its like small shit bothers me.

Oh it took you three weeks to text back? Done. Oh you forgot about the date we set up last week? Done.
Oh you want to talk online for days and days and waste my time before actually meeting up like a normal human being? Done.

Its like DA Drought IV has poisoned my ability to have patience with strangers, especially ones that know my vulnerability of finding them attractive. Anyone know what can I do to reduce my boiling points and give people the benefit of the doubt? It doesn't help that I've been extremely horny lately. I don't know if I just want casual or if I want relationships but I've never been a one nighter. What do

Thanks guys for taking the time

I'll be honest, your boiling points aren't really that bad. You should be upset when someone takes three weeks to respond or refuses to meet up or bails on a date on you for no good reason. It's disrespectful of you and your time and to 'lower your standards' would be doing a disservice to yourself. Do you really want to be with someone that can't even send you a 'how's it going' for three weeks, even casually?

Just keep doing what you're doing, your drought will end in time

EDIT: I'll be honest, I'm tired and thinking of more than one way to start a thought is hard

 

[bluethree]

Never thought I'd be in here but fuck it

Trying to get back into the swing of things after an epic 4 month intimacy break hereby known as DA Drought 4. Talking to a few but idk its like small shit bothers me.

Oh it took you three weeks to text back? Done. Oh you forgot about the date we set up last week? Done.
Oh you want to talk online for days and days and waste my time before actually meeting up like a normal human being? Done.

Its like DA Drought IV has poisoned my ability to have patience with strangers, especially ones that know my vulnerability of finding them attractive. Anyone know what can I do to reduce my boiling points and give people the benefit of the doubt? It doesn't help that I've been extremely horny lately. I don't know if I just want casual or if I want relationships but I've never been a one nighter. What do

Thanks guys for taking the time

Honestly, I can understand wanting to be more patient and empathetic, but those would be huge dealbreakers for me too.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Welp. I fucking hate myself right now. This situation became a massive clusterfuck pretty quickly.

So that girl that I'm friends with/interested in had been giving me pretty positive signals the last week. Everything was great on Friday, and then Monday she had this appointment and wasn't in class. I texted her to see how it went and found out that she's dealing with some pretty bad medical stuff. So yesterday she's not in class either, because she has the flu or something. She came to class today, everything was fine, but I didn't get to talk to her much because she had to go to the nurse.

So I have an extra ticket to Star Wars, and I figured I'd see if she wanted to come. So I asked, but I wanted to be clear that it was fine if she didn't feel up to it because of the stuff she's dealing with. She said she wasn't sure how long she was going to be sick, but thanks anyways. I probably won't see her in class before the end of the semester now, so I said that if she felt better before she went back home and wanted to lunch or something next week, let me know. Stupid me though, I had a lot I wanted to say and the texts ended up being disproportionately longer than hers and sounding clingy. I haven't heard back after that last one, even though I did kind of make it clear that I wanted to leave her alone so she could rest.

I've decided that I'm just going to largely cut contact until she texts me so I don't come off as even more clingy, and if I don't hear from her I'll just hope I can salvage something next semester. I went from hopeful about this thing to there being basically 0 chance of it happening in the course of 4 days. I mean, I'm happy because we're still friends and stuff, she's still a really great person, but I've kind of gotten so attached at this point that realizing it's probably not going to work is the fucking worst. Fuuuuuuuuuu.

Normally I am the first to tell people they are being fucking stupid. But like reading your post I don't actually like see what you did wrong? Like maybe just chill and not get super analytical over a sick girl not being super quick to respond?

 

[MattyG]

I'll be honest, sounds like you're a good friend to her. Dunno about anything else though. I suppose you could just ask her how she feels about you once she feels better instead of this whole "she likes me, she likes me not" thing you got going on now.

Yeah, I guess I am... and I think that's all I'll ever be (I don't really like the concept of "the friendzone", but that's kind of what it feels like). I don't think I'll get a chance to ask her how she feels before the break without it seeming like I'm being weird about it, but next semester we'll be spending plenty of time together so I can just ride it out until then. If she doesn't feel anything towards me, I can put my feelings aside and just be her friend I guess. We'll see, this should be interesting.

Normally I am the first to tell people they are being fucking stupid. But like reading your post I don't actually like see what you did wrong? Like maybe just chill and not get super analytical over a sick girl not being super quick to respond?

You're right, her texting me after hours of me worrying made me realize I do just need to chill. I'm being way too over analytical and it's making me do things that are making things harder. Hopefully I can sort out my anxiety stuff that's probably the root of all this analyzing by next semester.

 

[RedVladimir]

I never thought I would be posting here but I do need some advice GAF.

I have been seeing this girl for about two weeks now. She recently got out of a long term relationship about three weeks ago (he broke up with her). Everything has been doing pretty great so far but she tells me that she wants to take it really slow so she doesn't get hurt again (I've spent the night with her twice, but only oral sex, she said she wants to wait to go farther.) I told her that it is fine and then I will continue to wait for her to want to take things to the next step. The problem is that I have this feeling that I am being treated as the rebound guy and I cannot get it out of my head. Am I just being paranoid here?

You're not being paranoid. You ARE the rebound guy, I'm afraid. She got out of what I assume is a multi-year relationship, and in 110+ waking hours (a week, for effect) decided to get into "another one" with you. That is not genuine, in my experience.

It would be OK if she needed to diminish the pain through your company (and you were ok with that). But it hasn't even been two months since the breakup, something tells me if the guy somehow changes his mind, she'd reconsider...

I would probably slowly get back into the swing of things. Don't take this for cheating, but do check out other girls and be open to approaching without a goal, something may stick. Also, whatever happened to the meaning "dating/seeing someone"? Did she add the exclusive label already?

And having a talk with her won't work, because she won't actually admit you are the "rebound" guy. Not that he's being conscious about it anyway. This is not a calculated decision.You're probably a good dude that came at a bad time. She's not trying to hurt you, but that gut feeling you have is real, and I've seen this before.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

You're right, her texting me after hours of me worrying made me realize I do just need to chill. I'm being way too over analytical and it's making me do things that are making things harder. Hopefully I can sort out my anxiety stuff that's probably the root of all this analyzing by next semester.

The whole thing with text is you just gotta send a text then leave it be. Like if the person wants to respond they will. All you can do on your end is send it and that's all so it's not even worth stressing about. If they respond, if they don't do 1 of 100 other things you could be doing in your life.

That's how I treat it. Between work, the gym, video games, guitar, job search and hanging with friends, I don't worry about some girl I messaged not responding. So be it, go be awesome doing something you love instead of stressing.

 

[potam]

People who have dated single parents: how much of an issue (for lack of a better word) was the kid?

Long story short, I started talking to a chick with a kid. It used to be a deal killer for me, but thinking about it more recently, I figured 1) it's probably not that big of a deal, barring baby daddy drama and 2) it's kinda fucked up to write them off just because they have a kid (being late 20s now, it's not as if kids are a sure sign of bad decision making).

So yeah, what are your experiences with dating single parents?

 

[Salamando]

Ugh, it's crazy how quickly one date can change your perspective of someone. Went from " this could be my last first date ever" to "I don't know if I want to see her again".

She seems resigned to her not-exactly shitty, but nowhere near perfect life. It's best encapsulated by our conversation about dogs. She wants one, but seems to think she'll never have one, since "I'm 31. I've wanted one since I was a kid, and if it was going to happen, it would've happened by now." She wasn't joking, or allergic, or anything that would stop someone from getting a dog.

By now most of her positives have eroded away. She's not financially secure, her body is outright unhealthy instead of "a little extra", she's not committed to her efforts to lose that extra weight (taking a break between thanksgiving and christmas), and she likes drinking a bit more than I'd like, to where she gets hungover once every two weeks. Thanks to my family's history of alcohol abusers, I don't care for drinking that much...

So yeah, what are your experiences with dating single parents?

Dated a single working mom for six weeks. The kid wasn't the issue. It was her accusing me of going to Vegas for the sole reason of soliciting a prostitute that was. Her ex had cheated on her while she was pregnant, so I guess she didn't trust men that much. As she had earlier admitted, no man since her ex had lasted more than six weeks with her.

 

[GK86]

People who have dated single parents: how much of an issue (for lack of a better word) was the kid?

Long story short, I started talking to a chick with a kid. It used to be a deal killer for me, but thinking about it more recently, I figured 1) it's probably not that big of a deal, barring baby daddy drama and 2) it's kinda fucked up to write them off just because they have a kid (being late 20s now, it's not as if kids are a sure sign of bad decision making).

So yeah, what are your experiences with dating single parents?

-The kid(s) will always, always come first (duh).
-Don't push to meet the kid(s). She will introduce you to them when she feels the time is right.
-When she does, don't feel like you have to be a father figure.
-Understand that their father will always be apart of their life.
-Be respectful of her time. And you should be flexible when trying to plan anything with her (things can be cancelled, switch, etc).
-Know that your nights/plans might be killed due to a lack of a babysitter.

It might be just my experience, but single parents seem to be more relationship orientated, so they don't have time to waste playing stupid games. So if you are trying to hit it and quit it, I would suggest you move on.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

People who have dated single parents: how much of an issue (for lack of a better word) was the kid?

Long story short, I started talking to a chick with a kid. It used to be a deal killer for me, but thinking about it more recently, I figured 1) it's probably not that big of a deal, barring baby daddy drama and 2) it's kinda fucked up to write them off just because they have a kid (being late 20s now, it's not as if kids are a sure sign of bad decision making).

So yeah, what are your experiences with dating single parents?

Lol @ kids at younger points in their life are solely bad decision making.

 

[potam]

Lol @ kids at younger points in their life are solely bad decision making.

it's not as if it's the pinnacle of forethought

 

[ZackieChan]

Lol @ kids at younger points in their life are solely bad decision making.

Depends on your perspective

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Depends on your perspective

Unless, they released new 100% effective birth control it really isn't. You can not want to date them but it's pretty insulting to say all are bad decision makers.