Support NeoGAF

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Oh my god, this woman looked 100x better than her pictures and she looked great in those.

All I want to do is bite my fist like Leo on wolf of wallstreet. Daaaaamn
I also ducked up by wearing a t-shirt and her wearing a dress but she seemed completely fine with it.

 

[ZackieChan]

I've been thinking over some things. Is the fact that girls might see you as 'sweet' an absolute negative in a dating context? I'm starting to think this is a sign that you're in the dreaded 'friendzone'.

Could be trouble, depending on the circumstances of the comment. Nothing is absolute. But I'd say that being the "sweet" guy is not a great sign. What else is going on? This is only one data point that doesn't reveal much.

There are no absolutes. Not even in dating.

It seems you're talking out of experience, and it seems you have the causality backwards. I'd say there's a bigger risk of you being called 'sweet' if you're in the friend zone, but you aren't in the friend zone if you're sweet. You can be the most amazing guy, whatever that means to you, and still be called. Perhaps even being the most amazing guy implies doing something that makes you sweet. It's a balance. "Sweet" is a romantically neutral word. It's like saying an action is really nice. It doesn't imply anything romantic. However, the confusion I tried to highlight is that despite it not implying something romantic, it doesn't exclude something romantic. It's the same with being called sweet.

"Sweet" and you being seen as "sweet" is not what has you feeling you keep ending up in the friend zone.

This is good advice.

Oh my god, this woman looked 100x better than her pictures and she looked great in those.

All I want to do is bite my fist like Leo on wolf of wallstreet. Daaaaamn
I also ducked up by wearing a t-shirt and her wearing a dress but she seemed completely fine with it.

Being in a t-shirt when she is wearing a dress kind of makes you more of a boss. Like the date ain't no thang. Though I generally wear something with a collar on dates, even though I'm pretty casual.

 

[Kevtones]

Ugh.


Well someone I’d been dating/sleeping with for 3 months broke it off yesterday. We’d been on like 15-20 continuously great dates and out of nowhere last night she tells me there’s ‘the one that got away’ and she has been in constant contact with him. Turns out he’s moving out here for a job real soon. I think he’s in the medical field, she’s a PT. Anyway, we’d had a great date last Friday/Saturday, had great sex, and then this. Out of nowhere.

Shit’s borderline sociopathic and here I thought I couldn’t have my trust fucked with anymore than it’s already been fucked with. Honestly, who the fuck am I attracting? Back to drawing board.

 

[tch]

Ugh.

Shit that's awful man. Good luck

Welp. Girl I was dating (3 dates) decided we shouldn't date anymore the other night. It was kinda out of nowhere but it is what it is. She said that "we aren't on the same page romantically." Apparently I was more into her then she was into me at least in her eyes. I'm actually already over it completely. Looking back on it, she was been dropping hints that she was down to be together just not in a dating sense, which I am totally fine with. How would I go about initiating a hang-out/hook-up without seeming like I just want to get back with her? Especially given that she thinks that I was super into her which is why she broke it off in the first place..

Should I wait a while and just see how things play out? I kinda want to let her know that I am totally ok with how things worked out, as we haven't spoken since she broke the news to me and the way the conversation went was a lot of her saying sorry and acting like she was breaking my heart when it really wasn't that serious for me. Should I text her or just wait a while until I run into her in person/ she contacts me? I'm totally clueless with this stuff, thanks.

 

[Kevtones]

Shit that's awful man. Good luck

Welp. Girl I was dating (3 dates) decided we shouldn't date anymore the other night. It was kinda out of nowhere but it is what it is. She said that "we aren't on the same page romantically." Apparently I was more into her then she was into me at least in her eyes. I'm actually already over it completely. Looking back on it, she was been dropping hints that she was down to be together just not in a dating sense, which I am totally fine with. How would I go about initiating a hang-out/hook-up without seeming like I just want to get back with her? Especially given that she thinks that I was super into her which is why she broke it off in the first place..

Should I wait a while and just see how things play out? I kinda want to let her know that I am totally ok with how things worked out, as we haven't spoken since she broke the news to me and the way the conversation went was a lot of her saying sorry and acting like she was breaking my heart when it really wasn't that serious for me. Should I text her or just wait a while until I run into her in person/ she contacts me? I'm totally clueless with this stuff, thanks.

How'd you take the break? Did you try to convince her no or anything?

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Could be trouble, depending on the circumstances of the comment. Nothing is absolute. But I'd say that being the "sweet" guy is not a great sign. What else is going on? This is only one data point that doesn't reveal much.



This is good advice.



Being in a t-shirt when she is wearing a dress kind of makes you more of a boss. Like the date ain't no thang. Though I generally wear something with a collar on dates, even though I'm pretty casual.

Haha, so I was half an hour later and didn't realize she wanted to go on a date lol... We matched and were both in the same industry and we talked a lot about that and I said I was interested into moving into a role like she has and if she wanted to discuss it some time which she said sure. So she picked one of her favorite bars so it was casual and I assumed laid back so changed out of my dress clothes from work and switched to a t-shirt khakis and sneakers to go out since my knee had been bothering me. But it seemed to go well, we talked a lot and she seemed super interested and asked me tons of questions. Walked her home and I had my arms around her and she invited me up to the rooftop area of her apartment building and we sat up there talking for another hour before they closed it. Said she's down for next weekend so I guess I should actually dress more appropriately. 😅

We'll see what happens but she was super interesting to talk to and want even planning on anything but she was great.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

Ugh.


Well someone I’d been dating/sleeping with for 3 months broke it off yesterday. We’d been on like 15-20 continuously great dates and out of nowhere last night she tells me there’s ‘the one that got away’ and she has been in constant contact with him. Turns out he’s moving out here for a job real soon. I think he’s in the medical field, she’s a PT. Anyway, we’d had a great date last Friday/Saturday, had great sex, and then this. Out of nowhere.

Shit’s borderline sociopathic and here I thought I couldn’t have my trust fucked with anymore than it’s already been fucked with. Honestly, who the fuck am I attracting? Back to drawing board.

Damn. Sorry to hear, bro.

 

[tch]

How'd you take the break? Did you try to convince her no or anything?

Well I was caught a little off guard as we talked for like 10 minutes like nothing was different and then she just kinda blurted out that she didn't think we should date. I didn't exactly fight for her or anything. I just said that I like spending time with her and that I felt we had a connection when we were together. Which she agreed with but said that she's not really sure what she wants right now and she was in a long-term relationship recently that she is still getting over, which seemed a little disingenuous but who knows. It was a lot of awkward silences on both ends but it was kinda dragging so I kinda ended the convo. but it ended friendly enough with her saying "I'll leave the ball in your court. If you ever want to come over, hang out, etc." and then us both saying goodnight.

Just kinda unclear especially given our last date when she said she didn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend, which at the time I just thought she didn't want to be exclusive (which I was fine with.) Then we proceeded to get intimate, but didn't actually have sex as I had to leave.

 

[ZackieChan]

Haha, so I was half an hour later and didn't realize she wanted to go on a date lol... We matched and were both in the same industry and we talked a lot about that and I said I was interested into moving into a role like she has and if she wanted to discuss it some time which she said sure. So she picked one of her favorite bars so it was casual and I assumed laid back so changed out of my dress clothes from work and switched to a t-shirt khakis and sneakers to go out since my knee had been bothering me. But it seemed to go well, we talked a lot and she seemed super interested and asked me tons of questions. Walked her home and I had my arms around her and she invited me up to the rooftop area of her apartment building and we sat up there talking for another hour before they closed it. Said she's down for next weekend so I guess I should actually dress more appropriately. 😅

We'll see what happens but she was super interesting to talk to and want even planning on anything but she was great.

Sounds like a perfect date. You friendzoned her and she broke out

 

[Max]

I got a date for tomorrow i'm looking forward to but just today somehow she brought up how she won't have much money to spend. I had plans on going out for drinks/dinner together but didnt imagine being the only one paying.

What are some cheap ideas? It'll be from 9:30 pm so it is kinda difficult

 

[j0hnnix]

Ive been talking to two girls one we had planned on meeting this friday but i have gym and wanted to go see star wars.. So im not pushing it. The other we have texted alot and she said we get along but when asked to meet she dropped the "im busy this weekend but maybe in the morning?" I responded "not a big deal, let me know" shes still interested not sure how interested and shes more "my type" sometimes shes really busy and we stop texting but she comes back and says "im sorry i was busy" which is nice. Should i just let it go and wait for her to make the call.

Also, From my previous posts i had a crappy breakup from a 1 year relationship and kind of not in a rush so i can come of as "eh, whatever" attitude.

 

[Exr]

Has Ray Wonder gotten his peen touched yet

 

[Salamando]

I got a date for tomorrow i'm looking forward to but just today somehow she brought up how she won't have much money to spend. I had plans on going out for drinks/dinner together but didnt imagine being the only one paying.

What are some cheap ideas? It'll be from 9:30 pm so it is kinda difficult

Do you live in a town with any kind of Christmas setup? Giant Christmas trees, gingerbread houses, model trains, store window displays, that kind of thing? Add in some hot chocolate and you've got a date goin'

 

[tch]

I got a date for tomorrow i'm looking forward to but just today somehow she brought up how she won't have much money to spend. I had plans on going out for drinks/dinner together but didnt imagine being the only one paying.

What are some cheap ideas? It'll be from 9:30 pm so it is kinda difficult

Man I wish this happened to me I'm broke and my dates are always well-off. If it's the first date buy her a drink man. Try and find a good park with christmas lights if you can for a walk. If its a third/fourth/etc. date cook dinner at one of you places. Super cheap and intimate.

 

[Max]

It's going to be super cold but I'll see how hot chocolate in the park after some drinks turns out

 

[ZackieChan]

It's going to be super cold but I'll see how hot chocolate in the park after some drinks turns out

How late are your Starbucks' open?

How about a nice McCafe?

 

[Llyranor]

Has Ray Wonder gotten his peen touched yet

Would have rubbed it in our faces by now

 

[n64coder]

Would have rubbed it in our faces by now

It looks like he's banned so we'll have to wait until he's back to hear the latest story.

 

[Krauser Kat]

struck out with the girl i took to the planetarium last night. Could be a ton of reasons but seeing as i had to get up at 530 for work today and i dropped her off at her place at 1:20 It was probably for the best. she is probably up for another date, but ill find out today if we are done for good.

 

[Bruce Springsteen]

But that's the opposite of what our dates have been. You may want to go back my post history in this thread over the last week.

I was making more of a general statement then necessarily commenting on your particular situation, I apologize for that

 

[gaiages]

struck out with the girl i took to the planetarium last night. Could be a ton of reasons but seeing as i had to get up at 530 for work today and i dropped her off at her place at 1:20 It was probably for the best. she is probably up for another date, but ill find out today if we are done for good.

How do you even think you've struck out?

 

[Krauser Kat]

How do you even think you've struck out?

We had been on three dates before it and this was the biggest and we had slept together the 3 other times. Soo it more or less felt off but ill talk to her about it later im not worried about it but she is pretty cool and would like to keep seeing her.

Edit: Fucking lol. The girl that raged on me. texted back an apology that she overacted because she felt used. I dont know if i want to talk to someone that can be that volatile at the drop of a hat. the saga continues.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Sounds like a perfect date. You friendzoned her and she broke out

:lol I always love when people explain things in terms of friendzone. But yeah, I had a lot of fun I want expecting and I want planning to ask her out so it's more relaxing.

Also, I know this has been said a lot before but you should embrace things you find important. A lot of girls seem to hate talking about work and are turned off if you talk about that by my job is really important to me so even though I've arguably shrank my pool, I've also enjoyed myself far more than I have at any time before. I've also gotten much more positive reactions during the offices even if they don't agree with me. I still have shitty experiences at times but in general it's been much improved. I feel like as you get older you don't have the patience of energy to keep up some appearance so you just wing it however you want. I don't know, even if this girl never take to be again, I had fun and it was worth taking to her about what I was interested in about her.

 

[Daria]

Also, I know this has been said a lot before but you should embrace things you find important.

I feel like this often gets overlooked because people don't want to come off as "nerdy" or "weird" due to something they like. I've found that if you speak about something you genuinely find interesting, you begin to plant little piece of information in their head that they may not had before and it starts to grow on them. Not saying they'll love 1920 German films as much as you but now she knows what one of your bigger interests are. Maybe she'll see a movie in a store one day and then bring it up when she sees you because she knows from before that you mentioned you liked them.

I don't necessarily know what it portrays in terms of getting to know someone, maybe it tells you they can be passionate about something or whatever.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I feel like this often gets overlooked because people don't want to come off as "nerdy" or "weird" due to something they like. I've found that if you speak about something you genuinely find interesting, you begin to plant little piece of information in their head that they may not had before and it starts to grow on them. Not saying they'll love 1920 German films as much as you but now she knows what one of your bigger interests are. Maybe she'll see a movie in a store one day and then bring it up when she sees you because she knows from before that you mentioned you liked them.

I don't necessarily know what it portrays in terms of getting to know someone, maybe it tells you they can be passionate about something or whatever.

Yeah, there give and take. I mentioned I liked sports and she doesn't really care so she asked about my teams and such but we also moved on. It's nice to show them pieces about you but if it's not a common thing and they don't have interest then don't force it upon them either.

What it portrays is you have interests, you can be exciting, etc. I still say some of the best conversations I've had are people taking about things I know nothing about but they get so excited talking about it that I want to learn more. Also shows you can hold a conversation. So like when I'm asked what do I do on a normal night. I don't just say, "I read and sometimes watch sports". It can simply be those things but people usually want some insight on you. Like "I've mostly been reading at night betrayed I'm trying to get better at X. I have a favorite team in most major sorts do I try to support them when I can. My favorite sorry is Y, etc."

 

[Coda]

Why do all the cool looking nerdy babes on okcupid have to be into polyamory and other weird things? I can't seem to meet a semi-normal lady that's also into cool things. One girl said she was not into "non matrix" meetings at the moment, I don't even know what that means lol.

 

[davepoobond]

Why do all the cool looking nerdy babes on okcupid have to be into polyamory and other weird things? I can't seem to meet a semi-normal lady that's also into cool things. One girl said she was not into "non matrix" meetings at the moment, I don't even know what that means lol.

its in style to define your sexuality in such a way that it is unique. its just another thing that people seem to like to use to set them apart from other people.

i feel like its less about actually being a certain way and trying to be "appealing" in a certain way. its not enough to be a "nerdy babe"


i guess its also up to question whether or not polyamory is really all that weird, but that's my analysis of it.

 

[Coda]

its in style to define your sexuality in such a way that it is unique. its just another thing that people seem to like to use to set them apart from other people.

i feel like its less about actually being a certain way and trying to be "appealing" in a certain way. its not enough to be a "nerdy babe"


i guess its also up to question whether or not polyamory is really all that weird, but that's my analysis of it.

Yeah I have nothing against it really it's just annoying if that person is trying to be different for the sake of being different. I'm starting to think my dream girl is not on okcupid at least in my area. I've exhausted my efforts on there I think. I may get back on Tinder but I always found it to be a waste of time in comparison to okcupid which is still a waste of time but a little less so.

And yeah I shouldn't have really said it is weird, it's just more of a balance thing. Every girl I've met lately is too much of one thing, so much so that's it's annoying and overwhelming. Like I want to meet a girl that plays games but also likes to go out into nature and go on adventures too. Basically it seems hard to meet a girl that is balanced and respectful.

 

[davepoobond]

Yeah I have nothing against it really it's just annoying if that person is trying to be different for the sake of being different. I'm starting to think my dream girl is not on okcupid at least in my area. I've exhausted my efforts on there I think. I may get back on Tinder but I always found it to be a waste of time in comparison to okcupid which is still a waste of time but a little less so.

And yeah I shouldn't have really said it is weird, it's just more of a balance thing. Every girl I've met lately is too much of one thing, so much so that's it's annoying and overwhelming. Like I want to meet a girl that plays games but also likes to go out into nature and go on adventures too. Basically it seems hard to meet a girl that is balanced and respectful.

its basically part of "special snowflake syndrome."

 

[ssharm02]

the library chick wasn't there today, but at least i managed to finish the assignment

ahh another lonely new year for me

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

the library chick wasn't there today, but at least i managed to finish the assignment

ahh another lonely new year for me

The girl you said doesn't show up on fridays wasn't there on a friday? NO.FUCKING.WAY.

 

[stn]

The people who state some kind of "different" sexuality are just begging for attention (or trying to sound smart). Maybe I'm just ignorant but I don't see anything else other than heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual.

Maybe someone here can enlighten me?

 

[Coda]

The people who state some kind of "different" sexuality are just begging for attention (or trying to sound smart). Maybe I'm just ignorant but I don't see anything else other than heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual.

Maybe someone here can enlighten me?

There's also the whole "gender fluid" thing (which is moving away from someone's sexuality) but is still worth nothing. I respect everyone but it's still a little silly to me to say you're one sex one day and another on a different day, or even "no sex" another day. I just don't see the point of it other than looking for attention.

 

[davepoobond]

The girl you said doesn't show up on fridays wasn't there on a friday? NO.FUCKING.WAY.

hey man, we dont know if she was going to cover a shift or something!

The people who state some kind of "different" sexuality are just begging for attention (or trying to sound smart). Maybe I'm just ignorant but I don't see anything else other than heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual.

Maybe someone here can enlighten me?

well you can just take a look at the list Facebook compiled under gender settings to get a good introduction as to how many there are. there's like 70 or something, and that's hardly all of it. there was a thread about it. and "Two-Spirit" is a gender, too. that's the one i remember the most.

 

[Salamando]

The people who state some kind of "different" sexuality are just begging for attention (or trying to sound smart). Maybe I'm just ignorant but I don't see anything else other than heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual.

Maybe someone here can enlighten me?

*begin devil's advocate*

Those terms all work well, if you accept that who a person is willing to have sex with is a strictly binary option. They will/will not have sex with men...they will/will not have sex with women. Some people feel sexuality better works as a gradient. Assuming sufficient attraction, I would definitely have sex with a woman, but I might have sex with a man. That kind of thinking gives rise to terms like homoflexible, heteroflexible, and questioning. If you're someone who'd have sex with anyone, you enter the realm of pansexual. You could argue that those terms just refer to varying degrees of bisexuality, which they do. These people just don't feel that bisexual fully represents them, or feel that technically everyone in the world is some degree of bisexual.

Now terms regarding what they require before they'll have sex (demisexual, sapiosexual) can go screw off. I have a thing for redheads, but you won't see me listing gingersexual on an OKC profile, so why is there a term for people who think intelligence is sexy?

 

[gwailo]

the library chick wasn't there today, but at least i managed to finish the assignment

ahh another lonely new year for me

Honestly, dude, you're coming off like a creepy stalker. Just because a girl smiles at you doesn't mean she wants to have your kids. She's in a service job, part of her role is to be nice to the patrons.

A big part of college is learning how to mature socially, which you are obviously failing at. I don't know what sort of fucked up Real Genius school arrangment you have going, but maybe it would be better to drop down to a 3.8 and learn how to not become the subject of a special on Investigation Discovery and/or Lifetime.

 

[gaiages]

Yeah I have nothing against it really it's just annoying if that person is trying to be different for the sake of being different. I'm starting to think my dream girl is not on okcupid at least in my area. I've exhausted my efforts on there I think. I may get back on Tinder but I always found it to be a waste of time in comparison to okcupid which is still a waste of time but a little less so.

And yeah I shouldn't have really said it is weird, it's just more of a balance thing. Every girl I've met lately is too much of one thing, so much so that's it's annoying and overwhelming. Like I want to meet a girl that plays games but also likes to go out into nature and go on adventures too. Basically it seems hard to meet a girl that is balanced and respectful.

Yeah, very true, but that's the same with guys too, I found. I found that people in general are very... unbalanced in life. Only caring about one or two things, whether it be work, sports, videogames, etc. I'll admit my hobbies and interests are a bit... focused as well, but I am open to other stuff. I find that a lot of people aren't. They're in their own little bubble. Good luck, bro!

the library chick wasn't there today, but at least i managed to finish the assignment

ahh another lonely new year for me

....

You were worried about being lonely during the New Year but ignored her for like ever, including yesterday?

...

The people who state some kind of "different" sexuality are just begging for attention (or trying to sound smart). Maybe I'm just ignorant but I don't see anything else other than heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual.

Maybe someone here can enlighten me?

I'm of the same mindset, really. I mean, I guess there's transgender, but I don't think that has too much to do with sexuality in the end, that's more of an identity thing, at least it's how I see it.

 

[Coda]

Yeah, very true, but that's the same with guys too, I found. I found that people in general are very... unbalanced in life. Only caring about one or two things, whether it be work, sports, videogames, etc. I'll admit my hobbies and interests are a bit... focused as well, but I am open to other stuff. I find that a lot of people aren't. They're in their own little bubble. Good luck, bro!

Thanks, I think it's more about personality balance than hobbies. It's funny because most recently I finally connected with a girl who seemed awesome and balanced through her profile and then we hung out and she just mainly talked about ex boyfriends and basically an Adderall addict who just kept doing her thing and being distracted and never actually "chilled" with me if that makes sense. It was definitely a surprise when I initially thought from her profile that she seemed up my alley. She did preface before we met that she was just looking for friends but I also didn't realize I'd be her therapist too.

 

[RedVladimir]

No, it doesn't need to be done formula to get a girl to like you. This so ridiculously overcomplicates things.

There's no formula. You simply vary the frequency of responses to obfuscate your level of interest in the interaction. That's it. I simply (extensively) laid out the reasoning, but it all boils down to that. There's no calculation to be done at the moment.

All this mind game stuff will just stress you out and, more often than not, get you the same results as before. Also, you suggest to stop texting at the height of the two of you talking? Talk about a way for interest to fizzle out fast.

Yes, you can stop texting when you are having an interesting conversation. I know it all sounds counterproductive, but man does it work. The idea, like I said above, is to "hide" your level of interest and keep her guessing during the courtship process.

A thing a lot of guys misunderstand is that texting, at least in the beginning, is not meant to be used as the main medium of communication.

Text should be limited to light banter, and setting up the meet(s). Unloading all your energy and wit into texts is a waste of time, and usually detrimental to actual dates. Heavily-invested texting is like seeing 2 minute snippets of a movie yet to come out. The more you give away, the more unmoved you will be when the movie finally does "come out." No one is unlimitedly interesting.

Texting is low investment form of communication; meaning it can be done at any time, with little effort and oftentimes with zero expectations. When you text more than her, and noticeably more consistently, you give off the vibe you're taking time away from your (supposedly) interesting life for her. This is not particularly attractive to women, I've found, as they easily interpret as clinginess.

 

[gaiages]

There's no formula. You simply vary the frequency of responses to obfuscate your level of interest in the interaction. That's it. I simply (extensively) laid out the reasoning, but it all boils down to that. There's no calculation to be done at the moment.



Yes, you can stop texting when you are having an interesting conversation. I know it all sounds counterproductive, but man does it work. The idea, like I said above, is to "hide" your level of interest and keep her guessing during the courtship process.

A thing a lot of guys misunderstand is that texting, at least in the beginning, is not meant to be used as the main medium of communication.

Text should be limited to light banter, and setting up the meet(s). Unloading all your energy and wit into texts is a waste of time, and usually detrimental to actual dates. Heavily-invested texting is like seeing 2 minute snippets of a movie yet to come out. The more you give away, the more unmoved you will be when the movie finally does "come out." No one is unlimitedly interesting.

Texting is low investment form of communication; meaning it can be done at any time, with little effort and oftentimes with zero expectations. When you text more than her, and noticeably more consistently, you give off the vibe you're taking time away from your (supposedly) interesting life for her. This is not particularly attractive to women, I've found, as they easily interpret as clinginess.

I mean, I agree with you that texting shouldn't be the main focus of communication, and not to lean too far into that, but to straight up stop texting someone in the middle of a conversation is rude, even in a non-romantic setting, unless something legit came up. If you were texting somewhat regularly before and then suddenly stop, then it's seen as if the other party did something wrong, or shows lack of interest. I mean, that happens all the time. When someone suddenly fails to reply to a text when they were replying just fine before, most guys in the online dating realm see that as a lack of interest and move on. Why wouldn't women see it the same?

I honestly think your advice is great other than the 'keep them guessing' part. I still think playing mind games is a poor way to start a dating and possible relationship with someone.

 

[RedVladimir]

Ugh.


Well someone I’d been dating/sleeping with for 3 months broke it off yesterday. We’d been on like 15-20 continuously great dates and out of nowhere last night she tells me there’s ‘the one that got away’ and she has been in constant contact with him. Turns out he’s moving out here for a job real soon. I think he’s in the medical field, she’s a PT. Anyway, we’d had a great date last Friday/Saturday, had great sex, and then this. Out of nowhere.

Shit’s borderline sociopathic and here I thought I couldn’t have my trust fucked with anymore than it’s already been fucked with. Honestly, who the fuck am I attracting? Back to drawing board.

Fuck, dude. Sorry to hear.

That said, weren't there signs? Change in moods, little communication, distance? Anything?

And to admit she had been in contact with him all along is a piece of shit move. Damn.

(Also, maybe it's just me, but 15-20 date does sound a little high for 3 months; did she bring up exclusivity?)

Shit that's awful man. Good luck

Welp. Girl I was dating (3 dates) decided we shouldn't date anymore the other night. It was kinda out of nowhere but it is what it is. She said that "we aren't on the same page romantically." Apparently I was more into her then she was into me at least in her eyes. I'm actually already over it completely. Looking back on it, she was been dropping hints that she was down to be together just not in a dating sense, which I am totally fine with. How would I go about initiating a hang-out/hook-up without seeming like I just want to get back with her? Especially given that she thinks that I was super into her which is why she broke it off in the first place..

Should I wait a while and just see how things play out? I kinda want to let her know that I am totally ok with how things worked out, as we haven't spoken since she broke the news to me and the way the conversation went was a lot of her saying sorry and acting like she was breaking my heart when it really wasn't that serious for me. Should I text her or just wait a while until I run into her in person/ she contacts me? I'm totally clueless with this stuff, thanks.

Do NOT contact.

Simple. Do not initiate a conversation. To be honest with you, the only way a NSA hook-up thing will happen is if she initially pushes for it. Any implication this is something you want, will be interpreted as you still having feelings. The best way to go about this is to:

1) Do not contact her, but don't ignore her. If she texts you, be casual and don't reply as often.

2) Have her notice you've moved on, through you hobbies, career, or other women. Especially the latter.

It can be as simple as you taking a selfie in the top of a mountain with your attractive female cousin (she doesn't know). It'll plant the seed. She may try to contact, she may not; either way you are still demonstrating you have indeed moved on.

 

[ZackieChan]

RedVladimir bringing the good parts of Pickup Artist teachings. That's what I've been saying y'all should do for a while.

I don't think it is such a big deal to pause for a while during an "important" text conversation. I think the major point is that the conversation shouldn't ever be that important in the first place, unless you're setting up a place to meet.

 

[RedVladimir]

I mean, I agree with you that texting shouldn't be the main focus of communication, and not to lean too far into that, but to straight up stop texting someone in the middle of a conversation is rude, even in a non-romantic setting, unless something legit came up. If you were texting somewhat regularly before and then suddenly stop, then it's seen as if the other party did something wrong, or shows lack of interest. I mean, that happens all the time. When someone suddenly fails to reply to a text when they were replying just fine before, most guys in the online dating realm see that as a lack of interest and move on. Why wouldn't women see it the same?

I honestly think your advice is great other than the 'keep them guessing' part. I still think playing mind games is a poor way to start a dating and possible relationship with someone.

Well, this texting strategy is meant only for romantic contexts, certainly would'n't recommend dropping out of a interesting conversation with your best friend!

However, there's a reason why not replying when she's said something particularly interesting, funny or witty is beneficial, as bizarre as it may be. (And bear with me if this all sounds too analytical; I study this shit.)

If you were texting somewhat regularly before and then suddenly stop, then it's seen as if the other party did something wrong, or shows lack of interest. I mean, that happens all the time. When someone suddenly fails to reply to a text when they were replying just fine before, most guys in the online dating realm see that as a lack of interest and move on. Why wouldn't women see it the same?

Glad you asked. Short version: because women are not the same as men. Men pursue and get rejected in the process. Women do not pursue.

Longer version: The lack of response at such a high point, especially if preceded by a string of immediate texts, can convey 2 things. One, you've got other things to do and as interesting as she is, she's not your mission. Two, your opinion of whatever she said may differ (it may not even be the case, it just has to seem that way).

When compounded with a nice flow of varying degrees of investment, a sudden drop-out can spike the conversation as it adds tension to her opinion/statement/joke. Suddenly you're not being evaluated as a potential mate (as nature would have it), but the other way around! That, my friend, makes you attractive. (Who said people want what they can't have? Whoever it was, he/she knows their stuff.)

There's actually a study done on this too. Here. Or read the summary by Newsweek.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Okay, so finally got back on OKCupid, used some decent pictures and so I'm getting a fair amount of mutual "Likes".

Something I've never been able to nail in all the times I've tried it though... opening message? We have mutual interest, but I don't know whether going "OH hey, we like Lord of the Rings" is the best way to start.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Okay, so finally got back on OKCupid, used some decent pictures and so I'm getting a fair amount of mutual "Likes".

Something I've never been able to nail in all the times I've tried it though... opening message? We have mutual interest, but I don't know whether going "OH hey, we like Lord of the Rings" is the best way to start.

Maybe try starting with hello (I wouldn't go with hey, I've heard it doesn't go over well as an opening) drop your name, ask how their day has been/is and then go on to talk a tiny bit about at least one interest that you could do together. That will leave it open to asking for a date.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Maybe try starting with hello (I wouldn't go with hey, I've heard it doesn't go over well as an opening) drop your name, ask how their day has been/is and then go on to talk a tiny bit about at least one interest that you could do together. That will leave it open to asking for a date.

That quick huh? Could I replace "how's your day" with "doing anything nice over Christmas?"

 

[Miles Quaritch]

That quick huh? Could I replace "how's your day" with "doing anything nice over Christmas?"

Both can work.

And of course that quick, you want to meet up and go on a date, that's the goal. So don't waste time talking about stuff you could talk about on a date. Just ask, you've made your intentions clear, if they don't reply, you move on.

Just don't waste time engaging in idle messaging, get straight to the point and keep that chit-chat you could so easily have over messaging for the date.

 

[Jokab]

Glad you asked. Short version: because women are not the same as men. Men pursue and get rejected in the process. Women do not pursue.

Longer version: The lack of response at such a high point, especially if preceded by a string of immediate texts, can convey 2 things. One, you've got other things to do and as interesting as she is, she's not your mission. Two, your opinion of whatever she said may differ (it may not even be the case, it just has to seem that way).

When compounded with a nice flow of varying degrees of investment, a sudden drop-out can spike the conversation as it adds tension to her opinion/statement/joke. Suddenly you're not being evaluated as a potential mate (as nature would have it), but the other way around! That, my friend, makes you attractive. (Who said people want what they can't have? Whoever it was, he/she knows their stuff.)

There's actually a study done on this too. Here. Or read the summary by Newsweek.

Just want to point out that the authors of the study actually do not draw any significant conclusions about this:

Instead, our research raises additional questions about how men and women react to expressions of intimacy in the initial stages of acquaintanceship. For example, do women interpret responsiveness differently than men or are they just reluctant to report sexual attraction to responsive strangers after so little interaction? Are women more varied than men in the meaning they assign to responsiveness in early dating? Clearly, future studies should measure additional potential mediators (e.g., attributions for the partner’s behavior, perceived mate value) and use other methods (e.g., implicit and behavioral measures of attraction) to further test whether different mechanisms govern men’s and women’s perceptions of responsiveness and mate preferences in new acquaintanceships.

That does not mean what you're saying can't be true though (and it certainly doesn't mean it's not interesting research, because it definitely is) - I definitely think it might be, but that is from personal experience and is obviously anecdotal. I have enjoyed your recent posts though, I think they're mostly spot on, as much as I hate the fact that it is that way.

 

[Philippo]

Going out with the college classmate again tonight, if she leaves her job not too late i'll play the uber-romantic card and take her to ice skating.

 

[Mr-Joker]

Has anybody tried eharmory?

Thinking of signing up to that site but wanted to get feedback first.