How do I prove to her I have changed?
- Thread starter THEF3AR
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Well, tomorrow is Christmas, so you could try surprising her by showing up naked on her front lawn wearing her father's sawed-off face. Swoon her by yelling "DADDY LOVES YoOooUuuu..." at the top of your lungs and chase her through the woods a bit. That's how my parents got together and I turned out alright.
Edit: I'm joking by the way. Just want to make that abundantly clear. You know, better safe than sorry and all that.
Edit: I'm joking by the way. Just want to make that abundantly clear. You know, better safe than sorry and all that.
I trust her now though if that makes sense.
BreezyLimbo
Banned
Only because you want to get back with her. Once you do get back with her, those old demons will come scratching at your conscious. You can try convincing yourself itll be different, but it wont be.
Does she trust you?
She wants to trust me again
Dude you fucked up. you might have gotten over it and "changed" but if she's still sceptical she obviously hasn't so stop trying to force something where it isn't wanted. Take a real break from it. not a couple of months but a year if not more. if you love her as much as you say you do you will appreciate her point of view and that she may not be ready to let you back into her life.
Does she have trust problems in general, or with you directly for obv stated reasons?
In general and things I've done. We are both flawed.
TimorousPanda
Member
Good luck, OP.
double jump
you haven't lived until a random little kid ask you "how do you make love".
How the op gonna ask for advice and then get mad when the sensible answers aren't what they wanna hear.
edit: really hope everything works out for you.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
Real change takes time, it is slow and subtle, when you actually achieve it, other people will notice without you having to tell them you have.
Are you prepared to leave her be if it will make her happy?
If the answer is no, I'd reevaluate the belief you've had a sea change in three months.
Haha I feel like this is harder to prove that you've changed than something like cheating. You've probably just made her not like you anymore.
Nah dude that's just what she's been telling you.
You have control issues and she is in the military and you want a long distance relationship? Dude its not going to work out. Trust me as someone who was in the army and part of my job was to talk to soldiers about their relationship issues. Too young and the military atmosphere is toxic for long distance relationships.
I know this is probably rough on you. A big hang up. People with deep-seeded trust issues tend to find themselves lonely, so when something doesn't work out, the blow hits both sides pretty hard. You might need to take your focus off of this for your own sake. Some things are irreconcilable unless both parties are clearly interested. Be mindful of your own personal growth while working on a healthy dialogue that is fair to both of you.
MrS
Banned
Congratulations, you played yourself
godhandiscen
There are millions of whiny 5-year olds on Earth, and I AM THEIR KING.
I have seen a few people, myself including who were like this. I took a lot for me to change.
For me, the need to control my partner and jealously that forced me into that direction had its root on my lack of self-confidence. It wasn't until I felt great about myself that I changed, and for that to happen, I had to achieve tons of things at a personal, health, and professional level. Nowadays, I am "wonderful, understanding, and just chill" according to my current girlfriend, a far cry from the controlling jealous loser I used to be.
Work on yourself OP, find the cause of your trust issues and address them.
PS: It took me years.
Nonsense. Utterly ridiculous. I just think the things that are needed to instigate change in some people can be hard to come by or they just need a little push in the right ways.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
You didn't change. No matter how much you are deluding yourself. You have not changed. It takes a lot of time and effort and work to change. And there is no way you have changed.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Truly changing kind of feels like undergoing a type of suffering, I think. Breaking apart old habits and patterns of thinking. That shit genuinely hurts. I've tried changing some habits and ways of thinking and yeah, it's taken years and it felt shitty doing it, but it was the right/necessary thing to do.
Try not to take this bittersweet irony of life too hard.
I've been through my share of some genuinely awful forms of physical pain and suffering, but nothing comes close to the type of pain I have been through emotionally, mentally and maybe even a little spiritually in order to begin a genuine change-of-self process. It's kind of like fighting with a negative or lower form of subconscious that has built up over time. It is something that dies a slow death if you are to properly root it out. Recovering after can take a slow pace as well.
People change all the time and it's totally possible that the OP is a changed man... that doesn't mean he needs to get back with this girl though.
3 months is not a long time to "change", if change is ever possible.
I agree with some of the other peeps in here that say it's best to move on. You're already "too deep" and that's not a fair starting ground for a relationship.
Next she might accuse you of smothering and you'll resent that because you think you're appreciating her. And then the cycle begins again.
I agree with some of the other peeps in here that say it's best to move on. You're already "too deep" and that's not a fair starting ground for a relationship.
Next she might accuse you of smothering and you'll resent that because you think you're appreciating her. And then the cycle begins again.
phazedplasma
Member
No, this is just you missing her man, trust me. Gotta learn to let go. There are other fish in the sea.
liliththepale
Banned
Going out of your way to prove you're not worried or controlling anymore is a direct contradiction. You'll just have to be that way naturally, day in and day out, and hope that she takes notice. If she doesn't, sorry.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
I don't even believe you. You're blaming everything but not accepting the blame, demons, found God, both to blame. Leave this woman alone you sound unstable.
Thatonemoor
Member
You should just move on.
Psychoward
Banned
You move on and find someone else
umop_3pisdn
Member
You're right OP, you've found the magical macguffin that is now going to fix all of your problems for you. Maybe if you can convince this woman you'll both be able to ride off into the sunset on the back of a pegasus.
If life worked like how you think it does, then no one would have problems that they carry with them for their entire lives. People don't just wake up one day with a desire to be different, and then everything is rosy. It's a monumental amount of work to change, and at three months you haven't put the work in. The fact that you think you have only proves how naive you are.
And it's not about you vs. your doubters. Get the fuck over yourself, your doubters have good reason to doubt you, maybe you should be a little less sure of yourself, unless that 'conviction' is artificially holding something else at bay (reasonable/warranted self-doubt would be my first guess).
OP, pm me if you feel like you are having tendencies that could bridge into unhealthy territory. If you feel like typing it out to someone on the outside of this could help you avoid cruising down a path of poor decisions, it worth it.
Also, seek a professional to speak to if possible.
Silent Chief
Member
There's no magic recipe.
Try to explain to her what you've been doing different and how it's affecting you.
The emotional bank theory is that if you continually do nice things for her she'll probably look the other way when you slip here and then.
Try to explain to her what you've been doing different and how it's affecting you.
The emotional bank theory is that if you continually do nice things for her she'll probably look the other way when you slip here and then.
blankempathy
Member
You say you've changed from being a controlling person yet you are trying to control the situation and force things to work out. You haven't changed.You may have realized that she's the most important person to you but that doesn't mean you have changed the things that made her leave you. Trust takes time to rebuild. Be there for her when she needs you. If she doesn't need you take it as a lesson learned and move on.
Dixon's Jet
Banned
3 months is a very short amount of time to change. It makes sense that she doesn't believe you.
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
I'm not doubting you've changed a little OP, but what I am saying is this, "You haven't changed enough to make the relationship better than it was."
Think of it like a popcap on a bottle. You put the lid back on, but it's not vacuum sealed anymore. You've left it on the shelf too long with the lid already opened, and now you can't get it the way it used to be. The more you try to tighten that lid and keep it going, the more the mold festers beneath. That's your relationship with this girl. It's turned and your best bet is to let you both buy a new bottle with someone else. You'll be happier in the long run eating fresh strawberry jam than trying to stomach a turned jar.
Think of it like a popcap on a bottle. You put the lid back on, but it's not vacuum sealed anymore. You've left it on the shelf too long with the lid already opened, and now you can't get it the way it used to be. The more you try to tighten that lid and keep it going, the more the mold festers beneath. That's your relationship with this girl. It's turned and your best bet is to let you both buy a new bottle with someone else. You'll be happier in the long run eating fresh strawberry jam than trying to stomach a turned jar.
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